€]q(UÅYes i survived not eating for 24 hours, I am glad I don't live in a 3rd world country. It was fun, got to chill with folks don't get to hang out with since the start of the school year. It was fun.qU‰i'm gonna work on my around the world today and hopefully get half of the paper done. Then i am going to the 20 hour famine at my church.qU•i promise that we won't have school tomorrow, which gives me time to work on around the world. Everyone needs to watch the oc and chappelle's show.qUrJust got out of school, hopefully there will be no school tomorrow so i can work on my paper and go to the famine.qU‘Hopefully it will snow. Thanks to everyone who signed up for the message board. Well i have to go to school, who knows maybe we'll get out early.qU:got the board up, now i got to see if people will sign up.qU5I got cut, oh well guess I'm just gonna go get a job.qU½I am done with my chem project, first to turn in the project also, now i have to work on around the world, planning on starting it on teusday, not gonna take a while compaired the chem one.qURalph, if you really wanted to de-throne Bush you'de stay out and let my boy Kerry do the work, but now you've made it just that much harder.q U8Tomorrow I'm playing Wolla, holla. i should be a rapper.q U…Can't play any tennis, can't get up with Chris Wolla. Guess i'll just chill and watch a movie, might even go see one, but i doubt it.q TWNo practice, off to work on the chem project. From College Humor Tennagers guide to picking a AIM screen name Whether you're sending e-mails or chatting with friends, an essential to using the internet is having a screen name that tells people who you are. Here are some suggestions to help you pick out an awesome name! AE or AF - Use these acronyms for American Eagle and Abercrombie and Fitch. This will show people that you have rich parents and therefore, you are rich as well. And everyone knows that if you are rich and wear Abercrombie and Fitch, then you are very attractive. Examples: AE_girl04, AF_snowboard19 420 - Putting 420 after a screen name will show people that you are rebellious and are cool because you do drugs. They won't ever mess with you, and girls will flock to you because you are bad. Examples: Sublimegirl420, sk8er420 69 - This shows that you obviously have sex, A LOT. Others that see this will want to have sex with you because you know all about it. Examples: Sexystud69, badazz6969 666 - Use this to scare away people. They will see how mighty and evil you are, and they will fallback in fear. Examples: Death666, NeoMatrix666 "chic" - Guys are very attracted to girls who but "chic" somewhere in their screen name. This shows you are hot and want to have a boyfriend who likes to play computer games all day and collect Star Wars toys. Example: tightchic13f, cute_chic02 "sexy" - Guys go crazy when you put on this screen name. It says "I'm a really attractive girl that wants to have sex with a guy I meet online." You can be uglier than Chelsea Clinton, but with this on your SN, you'll come across as Brittany Spears. Examples: Sexy18f, Sexyskatergirl "gurl" - Using "gurl" in your screen name shows that you are the cute girl that lives next door type. It makes you sound very nice, but also a target of weird 40-year old sexual predators. Examples: fun_gurl_2003, pony_gurl82 "horny" - This shows that you are a 40-year old sexual predator that wants to find a young boy or girl to lure in and abduct at the local mall. Examples: Horny_babe_696969, Horny4uq UüWell it didn't rain like Clingerman said it did, so i'm gonna go see if people are playing out at Tabor, hopefully so, but i doubt it. I am DEFINATELY finishing my chem project today then i'm set to start my around the world paper. Wow I hate school.q UöYeah that new Pic Squad CD is very good, listen to number 6, 9, and 15. 6 Is easily the best. Got the teacher recomendations, got pretty much everything i want but 2 ap's and physics is gonna be tough if i'm working (which i most definately will)qURTennis tryouts started, i doubt I'll make it, I got pounded today by some freshmanqU‡Well looks like 10 people are getting cut from the tennis team this year, hope i'm not one of them, but if i am I'll just go get a job.qT1 Hour delays are cool, unless you still have to do like 15 chemistry practice problems. Oh well looks like i'll be in the library again during newspaper. Very close to finishing my chemistry project though, so that is good, but then i got to get started on Around the World.qUuOk, listem to Laney Pope today she might have something accurate to say, on account of the snow falling from the sky.qUõStill working on the chemistry project, not that hard but still takes a long time (8 pages) I got $20 and a pocket knife for valentines. Funny i didn't know that violent weapons were a customary gift on valentines day, but I'm not complaining.qUmLike I said, don't count on snow.......stupid Laney Pope. Well back to writing a research paper on Enology.qUÒHopefully there will be no school tomorrow but i wouldn't count on it, last time WXII said 100% chance of snow we got nothing. Well i got to go work on this Chemistry paper so i can have time to watch the OC.qT£Writing tests are retarded....... Along with chemistry projects and most importantly projects that force you to travel around the world in 80 days. Other Things that are retarded include.... People that steal candy bars Dramatic People languages other than English The Perfect Score Things that are not retarded include..... The OC Splinter Cell Mt. Tabor gangs War Movies Fight Clubs The Boondock Saints ColdplayqT}Ok nothing happened that was crazy, except I chipped a back tooth, oh and I actually figured out what we are doing in math. So you know who is the man, Chen, the president of Taiwan. That guy faked an assassination so he could win an election. Now I don't know about you but that shows dedication. I mean if Bush or Kerry took a bullet for their job, I would support them. Holla.qT@So Daniel who do you want to win the election? I get that question alot, ok maybe not but stay with me here. Basically I when I was a young and ignorant youth I liked Bush, yeah ok he had a pretty good start, he handled September 11th pretty well, but the economy is pretty bad now a days and this whole WMD thing really is starting to make me question our reason for war (not saying that going into Iraq was bad.) I don't think that he will win the election but I wouldn't be surprised if Bush "happens" to find Bin Laden around about September or October, to seal the deal election, but right now it looks like he is in an uphill battle. Kerry on the other hand seems to have alot more expierience and I like that his is not so much of a cowboy when it comes to foreign policy (not that I really care/know about foreign policy)qUžI finally got around to seeing The Passion of the Christ. It is a well done movie and i think is gonna go on my list of movies you need to see before you die.qU¶My chemistry teacher must think it is funny to make me stress this much, I mean she gives me all this crap to do today, I mean it was due today and everything but still....the nerve.qU£Well I'm finally back from camping and all I can say is "don't ever let Will Bullins handel a gun" he is quite the shot. Now I got to go do my project for spanish.qUyI'm gonna be gone for the weekend, that I why I'm going on a posting rampage, and because I've had nothing to do all day.qUƒI am finally done with my costume for my around the world in 80 days project. I'm gonna go celebrate by working on another project.qU¡Many of you may have seen that my brother hacked my blog and changed my pictre to one of richard dean anderson, or McGuyver. Please disreguard any of this stuff.qU}Well my Blog has had a face life. Now there is a retarded picture of me, i could make a better one but I'm just way too lazy.qU¢I've been totally bogged down in H/W this week and thanks to Mr. Mecham I have to do a project this weekend also. Ugh oh how I loath large armed spanish teachers.q UžYeah i'm going camping this weekend. Its gonna be not fun/fun. Not fun because the stuff we're doing is gonna be boring until we go shooting wich with be fun.q!UÁI found out I got an A in Chemistry, how cool is that. Another cool thing is that I am about to be done with my Around the World in Eighty Days project, speaking of that I got to go work on it.q"TWay to go Sean May, you alone drew 3 fouls in 30 seconds. General Failure. Back to my life: Me and Will both agree that if your invited to the Prom by someone you should be greatful and nice about it. Because if your not we're gonna break your knee cap(s) and slap you. Oh and don't worry if your not greatful you'll be spending most of your night at home anyway, that is if you can keep your date. I'm not going to Prom so this really doesn't pertain to me, but I still find it comial the way some people act.q#U‹Christine got in a car wreck, she is ok though but it was crazy. Will and I went to her house, it was fun we just chilled really. Go Heelsq$U?my dad got a new car (Camry XLE) so i get the 98 Accord, holla.q%U`I made a 104 on my math test, now i just can't screw up on my test friday and I am FREE AT LAST!q&T,Well i realized I'm not cool like other bloggers becuase I don't post about "meaningful" stuff. Well too bad, they can deal with it. Anyway, looks like the message board it dying, but oh well. My b-day is coming up but i don't get my liscense till april (hopefully, depending on my grades and such)q'U«Well basketball seasons over, our team lost to first pres in the simi finals, but we put up a valiant effort and i had a pretty good game. I'm tired now, i'm going to bed.q(TI'm sorry but the person who wrote the article they are talking about in this article (sorry if that sounds confusing) is a general failure at everything. They say that Pat Tillman was not a hero, just an idiot. I don't care if your a democrat or a republican you should support your country and those who die for you to live in it. Pat Tillman gave up a job which made him millions so that he could fight for the freedom of you and me. So to the author of that article i have just this to say to you.... Get a life you waste of space. urlLink SI.com - NFL - UMass president criticizes student's column on felled soldier - Thursday April 29, 2004 2:13PMq)UaurlLink Schoolzone not metaphors my favorite is "He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree."q*T}Ha. Don't you love it when people try to attack you using a blog. It's a joke, you need to get over it. People have jokes about other people all the time. Matt Sedlack makes fun of me, he even has a pretty good impersonation. But do i go and cry about it. No, you know why? Cause i take it like a man. Now if you wanna cry and be a little nancy boy go ahead, but don't whine to me.q+U¬Of course i am the kid in the green sirt, but and well i'll have a set charecter for alex and adam but the rest of them you just have to decide for yourselves who they are.q,UÆThis guy is a street hokey god. Seriously if you can do this show me, i'll give you 20 bucks just to see it. urlLink CollegeHumor.com : New Funny Pictures, Funny Movies, and Funny Hotlinks Daily!q-U[Yea this is one of the cooler things i've seen in a while urlLink HumanDescent -> Galleryq.U9Are my pictues awesome or what? urlLink Mr. Picassoheadq/T]who ever came up with the idea of a highway in the South Pole is a complete idiot. No seriously we could be spending money to cure cancer but no, some people think it would be more beneficial to spend money building a road through a continent with a population of about 6. urlLink CNN.com - 'Ice highway' opens Earth's last frontier - Apr 12, 2004q0TÄFinally Phil has one a major, and everyone is happy......everyone, but John Daly. Yes the PGA's good ol' boy who claimed that he was gonna give everyone a run for their money at the Masters didn't even make the cut. But we can't blame John for this i mean, his wife was just convicted of money laundering and he was probably smashed by the 9th hole anyway. urlLink SI.com - Mickelson's major pursuit ends with Masters - Sunday April 11, 2004 6:47PMq1U"Yes I got my license. That is all.q2U¢The apprentice is the greatest show ever. I mean who would have thought that desk jobs could be so cool. Essentially the show is water cooler drama at its finest.q3T#I being the 16 year old that i am have already had my 15 minutes of fame. It all started when I was on a family trip to NYC, 1 month after 9/11. My family and I decided to take a trip to NBC and tour the studios. The tour was great but once we got out we saw on the news ticker "NBC Employee has anthrax." Mom: "Oh that's just lovely" Well we get out and are about to walk away from the scene when my dad who was alread tired began to pass out (we later found out it was also from the blood pressure medicine that he takes) Ok so i'm flipping out and the media think that I am a complete retard that thinks he has anthrax (not to say that there wern't people like that in the crowd) 3 days later i arrive back in NC, and one of my best friend's sister (who was my bro's friend) calls and asks if we were in NYC that week, he says yes and she told us that her mom was in Canada and I had made the front page of the Globe and Mail, one of the largest newspapers in Canada, (The picture was huge too) Don't believe me, check out this search of gettyimages.com http://editorial.gettyimages.com/source/CFW/imageResults.aspx?s=ImagesAdvancedSearchState|2|15||0||1|||||0|0|0|| 0|Justin+Sullivan|7|anthrax|513023||0 I am the last row, middle picture. Oh and just incase your wondering, i have that newspaper still.q4UêI have to go take my liscense test soon, but I'm not sure when. You wouldn't believe how nervous I am, probably because I hit a car in "in-car" so I kind of want to redeem myself. But if I do well I'll hopefully have my liscense soon.q5THYeah looks like I'm gonna be the master of ceremonies for the fashion show on day eighty. I guess that is cool, but there are gonna be a ton of people there. So who is this cool cat that is telling all the Shiites (sp?) to kill Americans in Iraq. Regardless of the backlash I think that the US needs to take that cool guy down.q6UaIsn't my blog in spanish awesome urlLink Translated version of http://catchyname.blogspot.com/q7UeI got splinter cell: Pandora Tomorrow, and I must say it is stunning, and the online is awesome also.q8U…So Summer is finally here. This means that I start work next wednesday and that I am actaully gonna be raking in some dough. Word Up.q9U˜So i have 3 more exams to go. So far I'm doing pretty well, and I even made 2 bucks playing poker at Brad's this afternoon. It was quite fun I must say.q:UeGotta give props to Hank Wirth for finding this gem. urlLink Apple - Trailers - Lost Boys of Sudanq;TÁSo as another year passes I feel like I have learned a plethora of new information about life and about myself, so I thought I would share some of it: I can become excruciatingly annoying jobs are hard to come by xbox's are not meant to be dropped onto the pavement do not sit near Alex pento when he has a full bottle of gatorade The OC rocks true playas rock the Daniel herring look (collard shirt, pot head haircut, cargo shorts) poker is a great way to lose money la caretta is rater good drivers tests are way to easy to stress over the holocaust was bad, but you get tired of it REALLY fast gandalf will not help you get out of the boat (I'm not a LOTR freak, I just hallucinate) delux 247 is realqU²Probably a hoax but it would be cool to see if the creators of the matrix could actually come up with something as good as the first one. urlLink Geiri3d: The Matrix Reenteredq?U=This is the coolest flash movie ever. urlLink Banana Phoneq@UžurlLink Xbox.com :: EA + Xbox Live = Gaming Powerhouse So it looks like EA and Xbox live are partners, very cool. But unfortunately i now must go to school.qAUˆSo Blogger FINALLY Added some new templates. In other news, I think I finally got a job at Arbor Acres, washing dishes for $7.50/hour.qBT;So I just got to thinking if Dave Chappelle had a show about Mount Tabor it would probably look something like this: 1st Skit: World Series of Pat (For the black people, and Nick Jennings) 2nd Skit: World Series of Texas Hold'em Poker (for the white people) Skits 3-7:Mrs. Baily, an in depth look 8th Skit: Tyrone Biggums visits Tabor, gives up crack, starts smoking weed 9th Skit: Mr. Baily replaces Lil' John in his signature skits 10th Skit: Tyrone Biggums visits Reynolds and becomes an alcoholic 11th skit: Wayne Brady comes and is overwhelmed by all the whiteness.qCTèWell, i really haven't been that vocal on my feelings about the election, i have stated that I support Kerry but I have realized that politics are best left for the class room not a friendly setting such as poker or eating out. So basically I don't really like bush but i really don't like Michael Moore. This guy made Farenheit 9/11 and he is a totaly jerk, essentailly he made it to get out the anti-bush vote, not to really look at the facts. Head on over to www.moorewatch.com and check out what they have to say. Please note I am planning on going to go see this movie and will report back about what I saw. Ok so thats it, oh i go the court date on tuesday, gonna be crazy down at city hall when D nasty gets in the defendents chair.qDUgUnlike 90% of my friends, I am not in Daytona so i will be here all week not doing much until thursday.qEUÊSo while all most of my friends are in Daytona Beach I am here, not doing anything because the people at work gave me 3 consecutive days off starting Monday which sucks cause i really wanted some hours.qFUôSo I started work last week, its ok, I mean I'm getting payed 7.50/hr to serve people food, and usually I can leave an hour early if I want. 21 days till my court date, that means I have 3 weeks to acquire 150 bucks. That shouldn't be too hard.qGT`So I got a speeding ticket saturday, 18 over on shatalon (that is a 63 in a 45) but it looks like i'm not gonna need to get a lawyer. Apparently in Forsyth county they are leanient on first time speeding offenders, so all i'm gonnna have to do is take Alive at 25 class and then pay a fine, but it won't go on my insurance and is whiped from my record.qHUvWell i'm bout to go down to the beach for a week, definately won't be posting anything, not that I have lately anyway.qIUurlLink MilkandCookies - Barney 2Pac This is great, the best part is when the asian kid yells something, it looks almost voiced over exactly.qJU›So I got my head shaved on my chruch mission trip, thought i'de show everyone, please note i am terrible at taking pics of myself Old Me New meqKULurlLink He's back.... Chappelle is back, and he's gonna be better than everqLU„Well I'm back from the beach, it was fun but I'm glad to be home. Now all i got to do is survive the next week before school starts.qMTmLive From Ohio, It's Youth Night! So, the Youth Rally was tonight. I think it was a success. Maybe not. We expected 200 or more kids from different youth groups all throughout Ohio, but only 149 were in attendance. We started with the skit, which I'll get into a little later, then the activity, then we ate, sang discordantly, and had a sermon. The sermon was great, done by a Mr. James Hawkins, future missionary to Spain. The singing was bad and not from the heart, then again we wing it when we do sing at Youth Rallies. The eating was good, and there was a lot of extra pizza and soda, some of which I brought home due to excess amounts. The activity looked complicated and confusing, but luckily, Tim and I didn't have to do it -- instead, we got to make sure others were doing it right. And finally, the skit... It was genius, or something close to genius. The whole activity was basically a spy thing: aptly named "Mission Possible," I won't explain the rules because they were complicated, but everyone was on a mission using their Bibles to stop sinful things like bitterness and laziness by looking up verses talking about each. Well, the opening skit went like this: I, in a shirt and tie and carrying a briefcase with a cell phone on my belt, started walking down the main aisle of the church. Halfway down the aisle (it's a small church) the phone rang; I answered it, had a one-sided conversation ("Yes, I have received the instructions... yes, we will be rendevouzing at the church tonight..." etc.), then proceeded to the front of the church. I laid down the briefcase on a table and started a conversation with Tim (who played "Agent Banks"). Following the few short lines we exchanged, I pulled out a tape, set it in the tape player, and turned it on; one of my teachers then, over the microphone, acted as the tape and explained the mission. She said it would self destruct in ten seconds, so I pulled it out, fumbled it around, dropped it a couple times, then dropped it back into the briefcase. There was a piece of flash paper resting on some foil near the top; I took out a candle lighter and lit it to make it look like an explosion. Then we exchanged two more lines and prayed, and it was over. At least, that was what was SUPPOSED to happen. And for the most part, it did. But at the part where I was supposed to light the paper, the candle lighter decided that it didn't want to work. So here I am, holding the dumb thing and pressing the button -- click, click, click -- and there was supposed to be a self destruction. Finally it worked, and there was a flash of fire, then we went on. Next order of business: I hate ProHosting. I set up the YDKJ forum (check the links) on free.prohosting.com, because they offer unlimited bandwidth for no price. Now I get an email saying that they want a one-time $10 membership fee to remove the ads. So I need a credit card and I have to pay $10 once in order to have an ad-less forum. I don't even *want* the ads gone, but I don't have a choice. It's pay or wave goodbye to your account. I'm upset about this, and emailed them saying that they need an option to keep the ads for people that don't want to pay, but the stuck-up woman simply replied "we've offered free hosting for years. Please continue to support free.prohosting.com." Grr, it makes me so mad... anyhow, I posted at the forum, asking if somebody with a credit card was willing to contribute through PayPal. No luck so far, though. If I don't get it paid in fourteen days -- well, thirteen, since I got the letter yesterday -- then the account is deactivated. Thirty days, and it's deleted forever. So... what's a guy to do? Okay, I'm about done for tonight with my ranting and all. I'll post again tomorrow night, same time, same place. Oh, by the way: Priscilla complained to me and whined that I didn't put her into the blog, so I say: Priscilla is a girl. There, I mentioned you! Happiness! Good night.qNT This Tape will Self-Destruct... Hello again, friends and strangers. Time to make another page in the chronicle of Blog Blog Blog Blog. Today was an okay day. I practiced more for the skit at tomorrow's Youth Rally. Tim and I really aren't prepared at all... we got barely any time to practice our lines, and only have a bare understanding of the core of what we're doing. Luckily, we're allowed to improvise, since it's only a short three minute skit. I want it to be a surprise for those who have yet to see it, so I'll post up the results of what happended tomorrow night. It is REALLY cool, and if it wasn't serious, would leave a lot of room for comical mischief. (All those that don't care, say aye.) Anyhow, we have maybe an hour and a half of rehearsal under our belts, so luckily it isn't TOO important, and the job we have to do will be done easily. Dad picked me up today from school, and we went to my favorite toy store -- Best Buy. I need a new hard drive for my computer, so we took a look at what they had to offer; I expected to walk away with a 60-gig 7200RPM hard drive, but they didn't have any, and even if they did, we found a better deal. For about $20 more (after rebate) I found a 100gb hard drive. As soon as Dad gets paid, he's gonna grab it and bring it over to me. I can't wait. Right now I'm running a 7-gig... the new one will be nearly fifteen times larger than what I have. I've had this harddrive since 1997/98 when it came with the computer, and it's about high time I grab a new one. I'm giddy. Now all I need to keep my computer as up-to-date as possible will be a new motherboard and a new processor (400mhz isn't quite sufficient anymore, especially to a multitasker who uses Kazaa, Flash 4, and sometimes RPGMaker2000 at the same time.) Ben Folds is amazing. I just watched his limited edition live DVD last night for the first time... he completely turned around Song for the Dumped from an upbeat song to a sadder song with a slower tempo and a different tune, plus he added a lot of extra stuff. I've never had the privilege to see Mr. Folds live, but the DVD proves that seeing a life show would be simply awesome. (Army was cool, too, I love the audience interaction.) That's about all I have to say, so I'll close with this: HUZZAH, FINAL FANTASY X-2! Farewell.qOT¥Judgment Day Today was a day I like to call the Day of Reckoning, or Judgment Day, or Happy Chainsaw Thursday, if you choose. First, foremost, and most important to me, I passed my Biblical Ethics test today! I scored a 94%. That had to be the toughest test I've ever taken -- the questions were hard, but, if I failed, I would have basically let my Pastor down, so there was an added sense of urgency. But I didn't fail, I passed! Yeeee! Otherwise, Kevin was expelled today. The dummy got what was coming to him. Finally, after the supervisors and Pastor have been putting up with his crap for a long time, they dismissed him. A sad thing indeed, but I have no remorse whatsoever for their actions. He promised the school in a formal statement that he wouldn't participate in immoral and un-Christian things. Yet he did anyway. He got so many chances to change himself, and I mean a lot of chances -- even after the Pastor found out that he smokes and after many, many disciplinary efforts, he still got more chances to change. They believed in him, and he threw it all away. What a dummy. And so I refer to today as "Judgment Day," the day that futures were decided. I kept up the work and devotion to God, and he kept up his wrongful ways and his misbehavior, and now the good Lord made some changes... I passed the test and earned the Pastor's and the supervisors' respect, and he lost it all. Pity... So... Happy Chainsaw Thursday. I passed, he left. I'm happy, he's in big trouble with his life. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away; in this case, well, both. But now I have some American History to bother with, so good bye for now -- if there's any new developments, I'll update.qPTmHAHBHN-Day I'm baaaaaaaaack. Today's the first day of my real journal-y existence. Today was, in summary, a happy-angry-happy-bored-happy-nervous day. I went to school. HAPPY! My supervisor was on my case all morning. ANGRY! I learned of my passing of an Algebra test. HAPPY! I went home and did homework. BORED! I went to church. HAPPY! I came home and have to study for a big Biblical Ethics test. NERVOUS! I'm almost through with the Biblical Ethics course, I finished the eleventh lesson today and will test tomorrow. I'm scared out of my dress shoes. I've learned a lot from the course, though; as much as it took away from my mornings for the past two weeks, it's been real helpful in teaching me how to deal with life and how to live happily. God is spiffy. Anyhow, I have a lot to study, because I do NOT want to fail something like this. Oh, and Edmund Randolph was in George Washington's cabinet. (Washington decided to save him for later so he stored him in there for safe keeping.) Dumb statement, but that was the main thing I forgot on my American History test today. Jefferson was Secretary of State, Hamilton was Secretary of the Treasury, Knox was Secretary of War, and dumb old Randolph was Attorney General. Why I'm reiterating this, I don't know. The Youth Rally is coming up this Saturday evening. I can't wait. Other than that, I'm done. Good night, friends!qQUåAhoy, Thar Be Blogs - Part II Look! I'm updating again on the same day! King's Quest 2 VGA is also spiffy. Go check it out. urlLink Tierra Entertainment is spiffy. GO THERE, OR GET POKED WITH THE STICK OF DOOM AND LUNACY!!qRT^Ahoy, Thar Be Blogs - Part I This is my blog. I don't know what a blog is. Is it a journal? Yes? No? Why am I asking you? I'm going to write something here. Let's see. Eternal Darkness is fun. It lets you go insane, something too many people say they are in the first place, but it really lets you go insane. You get a sane-o-meter that goes down when you go insane. Oooo. Lots of fun. I'm done talking about that. Now let's talk about what I did today. I woke up and went to school. I am exciting. What can I say, I have nothing to talk about. So goes the life of the lifeless. Ooh, look, potatoes!qSTŠSmelly fish fin made the tea? Think of what tonight's title rhymes with. Here's three clues. 1. It's like Television, only it's grape or strawberry. 2. It happened yesterday and I'm really happy about it. 3. If you can't get this one, then you really don't know jack. Give up? Of course you do. Tonight's title is a Gibberish question from the ultimate quiz show party game, "You Don't Know Jack." And what does it rhyme with? Of course, stupid, smell fish fin made the tea! That is... Jellyvision paid the fee! That's right, my ProHosting problem from a few days ago is been and past, because the makers of You Don't Know Jack -- who are really happy with the forum I put together and the fan support -- are paying the ten dollar fee! I emailed them and asked for webspace, and instead they offered to pay off ProHosting. Not only that, but they're also going to register and maintain our very own www.ydkjforum.com web domain! No more long URL! No more short-but-not-working URL! A real, live, .com address, free from our pals at Jellyvision! They have to be the coolest game designers I've ever known. That was yesterday. I would have posted here as it happened, but I was too busy with my brand spankin' new $200 digital camera. That's right, we finally bought one, and now I can take high-quality pictures for things! Overjoy! Rapture! So yesterday was a really, really, way cool day. Oh, and also, I never mentioned that I found a place to stash MOL. anytimenow.com offers 20 megs of storage space, I love it! So now my game is up for download. Check the Deli's Pick (link's at the left) to pull it off the web. That's my post for tonight. Life is spiffy.qTT@Austin Powers: "Mole mole mole" Major accomplishment today: I finished the demo for my RPG, The Quest for the Meaning of Life! I'm proud of the ending I put together. I not only added the ending, but I fine-tuned a lot, like EXP and enemy strength. I sat through the whole of MOL today and did some bug testing, which led to the tuning -- I found 21 things that needed a fix. I fixed it all up and prepared it for the public; I'm not, however, going to put it online yet, not onto my limited Tripod account. I need to find a storage place like I-Drive used to be to put it up, because even though it's only 1.3 megs, I'll run out of bandwidth. (Heh, I could use prohosting, but prohosting isn't free anymore.) That's all I really wanna share for today. I got to boast my Gamecube to my cousin today. It was quite fun. So long.qUT— Work, work, work... Current Song: "I'm Moving On," Rascal Flatts How things happen the way they do, I'll never know. Andy (you know, YDKJ host and Jellyvision webmaster) and I had been exchanging emails back and forth, discussing the legal matters of JV paying our fee and all. Finally, after several emails to and from each other, he emailed me and said, "Look, why don't you call me instead of all this slow email? It'll be easier." So, I reluctantly (yeah, right) landed a phone call to Jellyvision HQ, Chicago. My dumb voice cracked twice... Puberty's been and gone, maybe my larynx'll catch up to me someday. Anyhow, we spoke for sixteen minutes, discussing the board and chatting about Jellyvision and the hosts of YDKJ and all. It was a grand old time. So much to catch up on... well, business first. Adam, Jellyvision's tech guy, asked me to port all the crap from the current board to a brand spankin' spiffy new account. I downloaded it all, and... well, let's just say, headache. Here's an excerpt of my letter to Adam last night at 3. I downloaded all the files directly from the current account into a folder on my hard drive, and downloaded both the Perl and CGI versions of the YaBB source code (partly as a source for default files, and partly since the newest version contains security patches). I uploaded everything from the old board into the new account directly (making sure to upload everything in ASCII as per the instructions) to cgi-bin/YaBB/ and tried to run it; I get a 500 Internal Server Error from ProHosting. I messed with a few of the files, reinstalling the defaults of files that could've gotten accidentally changed or corrupted, and tried again; nothing. I created a different folder -- this time named "yabb" instead of "YaBB" -- and decided to try installing the entire system all over again with the CGI version. I uploaded everything in accordance to what I remember from my experience with installing YaBB before, and tried to run it. Once again, it didn't work, so I decided to give the Perl version a try, and made one last folder -- "forum" -- and followed the instructions exactly. Figuring from the footer on the error messages I was getting, I assume that it's a Unix server and requires chmoding of the files, so I chmoded each file as the instructions requested, and after I had done everything just as it was asking me to do, I tested YaBB.pl and got the same vicious error message. I went to the unofficial free.prohosting.com FAQ to see if they had anything to say about my problem with the scripts, and I found instructions to chmod each file differently than what the YaBB instructions asked, because "that's how Prohosting works." Shew! What a load of garbage. Oh well. I posted at the yabb support forum. All should be well, if I ever get a reply. Neeeext... using a Best Buy giftcard, I bought a copy of Dance Dance Revolution Konamix and a dance pad recently. Like, the other day. I had to return the pad a few times due to defectiveness, but now I have a working dance pad and I've burned 200-something calories. Cody invited me to a Bible study that'll happen tomorrow at 1. I can't wait. One thing I've always liked doing is discussing the Bible with other believers, as I told Mewd earlier after a similar discussion. It'll be super-spiffy. Maybe even spiffalicious? One final note that I won't touch on: my dad is getting remarried. I don't know what to think. More on that later. Goodnight, Saigon!qVTYThe old words are reiterated again Current Song: "Smoke," Ben Folds Five This entry isn't going to be long. I pointed IE to Blogger ten minutes ago and it just now finished the loading process. Today, one of my first friends at my school, David, left. It just goes to prove one of my mottos. Life happens, things change, people move on; can't expect things to stay the same forever. The reason is really complicated and I'd rather it go without saying just now. But, my dear friend David has left the school, and I've probably seen the last of him today. I added a song thing under the title bar. Other people do it, so why not. I don't feel up to avoiding conformism tonight. This has just been an all-out terrible, stressful, depressing day. I want to end it with God's gift of sleep. Oh, wait, I can't -- homework. Overjoy. Well, I'll be off to do my homework while eating pizza and waiting for The Cosby Show to hit the air. Note in advance: I apologize for not changing the "last updated" thing beside the link to my blog on AIM. I signed off already and don't wanna get back on. And I also apologize for the wrong coding in my last entry; I used [b] instead of (without the period there, for the HTML deprived). The YDKJ forum uses [b] for bold, and I just finished posting there, so I used it instead. I'll fix it now. End this day already...!qWTbUnessential Current Song: "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road," Elton John I don't know why Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road is my current song... it's going through my head. Sorry for the lack of updating. Haven't found the time. I got it up and done Friday, and the YDKJ Forum is now the lowest of my priorities. It's all finished and together again, just waiting on the .com to be prepared. Next... one of the two biggest things on my mind at this time: the weekend. I don't know. I love my dad and want to see him happy, but he's getting married on Saturday, and I'm very uncomfortable with it. I like Chris, I really do; but there's just something about seeing my dad marry another woman, somebody that isn't my mom -- and furthermore, I'm his best man and, since there's no priest (it's only a ceremony), I'm reading his vows off. That's a major struggle right there, reading off vows from my dad to another woman... I'm not going to let him down, though. I'm going to swallow my emotions and do it in a happy manner. But there's just inner hurt that I don't quite know how to deal with. I won't get into the second big thing now. I won't boast about tomorrow until I know what tomorrow brings. (Not tomorrow per se, but tomorrow as in, the future.) I just feel unnecessary, unessential, that everything I'm striving for is in vain. All the work I do, the hope I reserve, and the promising I make, it all feels like the wall's crumbled down and there's nothing to inspire me to pick up the pieces. I just feel like nothing I'm doing has any reason and that everything I understand is slipping away from me. Pray for me, I need it.qXTÝOne hundred two point six Current Song: "Hot Blooded," Foreigner Hot Blooded's been going through my head a lot in the past couple days. Well, one part specifically: "I'm hot blooded, check it and see -- I've got a fever of a hundred and three." Yes, guys and gals, for the past three or four days I've been sick with some kind of flu or something. Tuesday night, I came home from my aunt's house and felt my head burning. I took my temperature, and clocked in at 99 point something... great. I felt like I was gonna throw up. Luckily, it's Friday night and I'm happy to announce that my face has not hugged the toilet bowl. However, it has hugged the ice pack. Wednesday I had no school, my teacher's mother-in-law died and since it's a really small school and everyone's close to each other they called it off Wednesday due to her funeral. I wasn't feeling too bad Wednesday afternoon and all, and Wednesday night wasn't too bad aside from my eyes starting to burn. Now we shuffle along to Thursday morning. I sat up and asked Mom if I could stay home since I'd been feeling a bit under the weather. She decided to try and get the best of me and said that the only way I'd be kept home is with a temperature of 100. She didn't think that would happen. I shoved the thermometer under my tongue and waited for the woman inside to announce my temperature. Okay, so I cheated a little -- I looked at the digital screen and saw my temperature in advance, but nonetheless I pulled it out of my mouth at 100.5. I was happy -- no school! Mom didn't really know what to say, but it WAS over 100 and thus I stayed home. It was cool that I was staying home... until I awoke again two hours later. I spent all morning and afternoon in my bed, mostly watching SNL reruns (Alec Baldwin is awfully unfunny) and stand up comedy on Comedy Central. At three, I started surfing the channels looking for something else to watch. I turned on Montel Williams. Rape victims convict a serial rapist -- the topic caught my attention (no, I'm not some freak that's turned on by rape; I just love hearing about people bringing a criminal to justice) and that occupied my screen till 4. By that time, my eyes were burning up and watering like a broken faucet, so I rested my head and tried sleeping. Mom returned from the store and I took my temperature. I felt lovely after hearing the tinny woman in the thermometer announce my body temperature -- 102.3. Mom gave me an ice pack for my burning head and I tried sleeping. Somewhere in there, the temperature climbed to 102.6. Mom called the doctor and asked for her advice. The doctor advised her to give me some Motrin. I took the medicine at 5:30 and by 6:30 I was up and out of bed. I ate (veal parmesian, yum!) and got onto the computer. My fever had managed to drop to 98.8 -- joy. Time passed. At 11:45 I got offline and took my temperature. It was back up to 101. I ended up taking two more Motrin pills at 12:45 or so and tried watching two of the final three episodes of Cheers. I fell asleep at 1:45. Woke up. Friday. I wasn't going to school. I relaxed in bed for a while; turned on the TV and watched more standup comedy. I don't really remember what all happened today, aside from playing Metroid Fusion and eating chicken-broccoli soup. I took more Motrin at 3:30 and got out of bed at 4:30. I fed the cats, drank some Mountain Dew and got back on the computer... and here I am. So, that's my last couple of days. Still with me? Good. I'm sorry I haven't updated recently, it's sort of obvious why I haven't. So here's the update. Now that you're done peering into my life, why not download Opera 7 and see the browser I'm now in love with? It DEFINATELY beats Internet Explorer and looks pretty cool, too. Yeah, Opera rocks. There, I plugged them.qYT½Life Simulation's a Hoot Current Song: "Zelda: The Music of my Groin," by Shael Riley Don't ask about the song. For your sake. Life simulation's a hoot. John's gotten me hooked on the Animalese-speaking world of Animal Crossing. That game is more fun than a life simulator should be. Of course, it was only a matter of time before those people hooked on video games and computers would need a life sim, and it's only those people who get full satisfaction out of living a pretend life. The game is increduously fun, and even the "real-time" bit feels appropriate. For the first time in a game, I actually felt "just seconds too late" as it was 10:02 and the store closed at 10, making me just two real minutes late. It's just the weirdest thing, a game that's awake when you are. Anyhow, I don't have very much to speak of now... everything's back to normal and all, and things are quiet. I follow up a giant post with a tiny one. Faretheeallwell.qZT`Hey! I didn't die! Current Song: "Yesterday," by the Beatles No! I'm alive! I just haven't updated, and for a good reason: Because I don't like Microsoft. Yes, Microsoft ties into it. Recently, well, not recently, about two months ago, I changed browsers to Opera, and Blogger doesn't work right with Opera. I guess they changed something or something like that, but now I can update in Opera, although the window's a little small -- anyway, I couldn't use Opera and would have to use IE, and I hate IE, mostly because it doesn't work on my computer, and partly because it's slow and Opera has a lot of cool features. (You get spoiled on being able to move Back and Forward with the mouse.) So, that's why I haven't been updating. That, and my life is boring. If you must know, recently: I got into Magic: The Gathering, I got into Zelda: The Wind Waker, and I got into bed and slept a few times. I don't really know what else interesting has happened. Steve's gonna come up to Ohio and visit this Summer, which I'm really excited about. I'm itching to face him in Super Smash Bros. Melee. Oh, and I've relaunched my urlLink site , and now have a redesign and more content. Last night I finished The Bed That Ate You -- why not go take a look? Oh, and I had a birthday! Yes, I'm another year older. And for my birthday, I received two tickets to see the all-time funniest comedian ever tomorrow night -- Bill Cosby. I CAN'T WAIT. (This entry says April 19th because it's 1:30AM, but tomorrow night means the night of April 19th.) It's gonna be spiffy! That's all for now, I'll update again soon. Now, back to my song.q[T:I am too a nerd. Current Song: "A Certain Shade of Green," Incubus urlLink take the nerd test. urlLink and go to mewing.net. a nerd utopia. Yeah, Bill Cosby was awesome. I'm so glad we went, I had a blast. It was over too soon... just when I wasn't expecting it, "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, have a good night." It was a lot of fun and it was great to be seeing the man in person. I really don't have very much to say... went and bought a Sliver deck in Magic. I love Slivers, they're spiffy and useful. But now I have nothing to spend...q\TStuff and computer upgrades Current Song: "Bring Back the Sun," Our Lady Peace Today's just not been a good day. The start was fine, the end is... eeech. That's all I'll say. I got my laptop about a week ago... $50 for four gigs, 80 megs of RAM, and 233mhz processor. I like it, it's useful, mostly for keeping my journal protected and hidden. (It's also a great way to play Half-Life.) I also got a new hard drive from my dad... eighty gigabytes as opposed to the seven I had. It was all installed on the same day I got the laptop (April 24) and it works fine. And there's nothing much else new, so I'll just end this entry now.q]TÐThe Dragon at rest Current Song: "Mercyful Fate," Metallica Okay, so we didn't drop SBC after all. Heh. Mom managed to somehow get an SBC technician to come to our house for free, to get everything taken care of and out of the way for no charge at all. I'm impressed, dunno how she did it, but she did, and now we have our DSL up again. I guess I can trust it. As it turns out, Brad found problems with our phone line. Surprising, considering our wires are so old, they probably gave Moses his phone line. Furthermore, the modem was shot in the first place, and the guy replaced it for free. I don't blame SBC for the problems; I originally thought it was the weather giving us problems, but it was our wiring all along that must've been jolted by the stormage. So now I'm back on my high speed. I love it, and missed it. But now... I have nothing to do online. Maybe I'll go download some E3 trailers... Metroid Zero Mission's gonna be spiffy, by the way. Cheerio.q^T3Urgh... times infinity. Current Song: "Yesterday," The Beatles Yes, I already used this song a few entries ago. But you know what? It kind of fits. Saturday was wonderful. I installed a DSL router and we picked up a wireless card for my laptop, so I could plug the ethernet cable on into the router and have a split connection, the PC and the Laptop both online at once. It was COOL. The wireless connection rocked, it gave me hardly any problems and was a sinch to set up. I was up till five in the morning, just talking away, surfing, using the internet from my room. Then Sunday struck. And when Sunday struck, "Yesterday" came into play. "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away... now it looks as though they're here to stay." Sunday morning, I woke up, and guess what. The DSL light on my modem -- off! Yes, boys and girls, my DSL just stopped working. I spent most of Sunday fooling with wires, talking with technical support, scolding my modem, everything... it just didn't work. The DSL light would flicker, and sometimes it would stay on for two minutes, sometimes five minutes, sometimes it wouldn't even find a connection at all. Eventually, I deducted (yes, deducted -- not deduced, deducted) that something was wrong with the phone line, seeing as our phone was really staticy, but I wasn't sure. *Click, click* Monday! I came home from school, and the DSL light was ON. Yes! It worked! For about fifteen minutes, that is. Then it flickered, and came back on within fifteen seconds. That's the story of yesterday. I'd be online for a nice chunk of time, then get kicked, and then get on, then kicked, and eventually it started kicking me into submission and I couldn't even get online. That's yesterday. *Click, click* Fast forward to today. I come home from school... nothing. The power light was on, but the others were all off. No signal what-so-ever. And to top it off, our phone didn't work. It would be on for half a minute, with a bunch of static, then I'd get a dial tone. That was definately from the phone line, so I was right that it's giving us trouble... it's just too coincedential to not be the phone line. The phone problems and DSL problems started at the same time. Not that it matters anymore, though, because after watching the modem do absolutely nothing, then turning it off and on and watching it malfunction a bit, I called technical support. Guess what? My DSL modem is dead. Shot. No more. Down the drain. Kaploosh. We're at a decision point. Either we sort out the many, many problems with the DSL, get a new modem, and then go through more trouble later... or, we kill the DSL bit and switch to Adelphia PowerLink Cable. I'd like to keep the DSL, because I don't wanna change my email address and I get 700mb or so of web space that I need to house files for my website. However, I am TIRED, sick and tired, of putting up with it! I want to get something that works. DSL was fine for a year, no problems whatsoever, nice speed, etc. But when the problems started hitting, they weren't minor problems, they all had a huge payload that threw me into a boat somewhere in the middle of Lake Erie and ran off with the paddle. So, I don't wanna put up with it anymore. Unfortunately, until we get things sorted, I have no broadband connection... but I have a solution. While we get everything all together with what ISP we use, I'm going to sign up for a free trial of AOL. LUCKILY, my laptop came with a 56k modem, so I popped that in, threw in a phone cable, installed AOL, and got online using my uncle's screenname. (Sorry, it was my only choice... besides, you guys were in bed when I got on anyway!) That's where I am right now... on AOL. Tomorrow I intend on going for a free trial, so I can at least correspond with the world while we work on getting together broadband. Ahh well. That's my entry... huge as it is. That's my last couple of days. Aie... OH! BUT BEFORE I GO! LUCASARTS RELEASED A TRAILER FOR SAM AND MAX: FREELANCE POLICE, THEIR NEW SNM GAME!!! WAA-diddily-HAAHAAA!! ...anyway. Yeah. Go watch it. Now. http://www.lucasarts.com "WHY... WON'T... YOU... JUST... DIE?!"q_T<'Could it be? Could it really, truly be?' Current Song: [Space Quest Four MIDI soundtrack] We may have isolated the problem. Every time it's rained since we got the router two weeks ago, the DSL's been killed. The first time, Brad the Tech Guy came out and solved our problems. Until it rained again. Then the DSL was killed. That would be my last entry, 5/20. Well, two nights ago, my youth minister suggested I unplug our cordless phone from the wall and see what happens, if it was fixed. So yesterday, I unplugged our cordless. After about an hour and a half, the DSL was stable. So today, I plugged it back in after school. After an hour and a half or so, while it drizzled a bit, the DSL flickered back out. I unplugged it. Hour and a half later, it came back. And that's where I am now. It seems that the cordless phone is our problem... however, it's supposed to rain more this weekend. We're going to keep the phone unplugged and if the DSL goes out when it rains, then the phone isn't the problem.. but as it seems right now, the phone is the problem. At least, the phone jack could be it... I don't know. But I seem to be back online now... I keep watching the modem to see if I lose the connection. Hasn't dropped it yet, and as of this writing, it's been on for half an hour. Well, thirty five minutes. So, we'll see.q`T The Re-revenge of Yesterday Current Song: "Yesterday," The Beatles I am so mad right now. It's been four glorious days of broadband for me. After the tech came out and fixed our lines, I was online again. IT ALL ENDED ONCE MORE TODAY! Ugh! I don't know if I can take this anymore! It stormed again, and now that it stormed my DSL flickers in and out. I'm back on Dialup... AGAIN... and I hate it... Is it so bad for me to have a working connection? Gah... well, I have this AOL trial until June 20 or so, so it'll be available until Steve comes to visit. Around there, at least. I guess a month is more time than I think, so hopefully it'll be once again sorted out. Things looked so good, too... We want to stay with SBC, we really do. What are we supposed to do? I'm not going to keep this up. Here's to praying we get another free tech if needs be... because right now, it looks like it needs be. Sigh... On another note, I've modified my layout, and changed the header colors to fit. Don't know why you care, though.qaTThe World Has Turned and Left Me Here Current Song: "Selfless, Cold, and Composed," Ben Folds Five I hooked the phone back up at three to call Jessie today. My DSL's stopped really kicking me off... it stopped responding once, but it was different. It didn't flicker out, but just kinda froze while the router tried to contact it. It's now 11:43, so it's been solid for the past eight hours and forty three minutes... except that fluke. What do I make of this? It's not the phone that's the problem. It's OBVIOUSLY the wiring, and since Brad the Tech Guy fixed our wiring -- not to mention the fact that our phones and the phone upstairs in my aunt's house is screwy -- it's most likely outside the house. On the phone with Jessie earlier, it was kinda staticy. The DSL isn't following a pattern as to how it shuts down... it just stays on or doesn't. I managed a few games of Starcraft with Mewd earlier, too. I have no doubt that it'll flicker off again. But for now, it's okay... and the phone works and all... so... yeah. I'm going to bed.qbTÝBeen a while... Current Song: n/a Hi there. I'm finally remembering to update my blog again... so, yeah. Steve's here right now, sitting in the chair next to me, looking tired. He's been here for a couple days, and will be here until tomorrow, when he flies back across the United States to go home to his room decorated with the colors of his site. Anyhow, I'm going to make this entry short; ever since June 4th, my DSL has been fixed. Pete the Tech Guy came out and looked at the wires, and sure enough, they were crappy. They were so messed up, any rainwater would screw over the line... so, yeah, it's been fixed and stable, and I haven't been on dialup in ages. And that's just about everything I have to say. Cheers!qcTÌWooohoo! I win! One to nothin! Current Song: "Tribute," Tenacious D Mwahaha! These past couple days have been wonderful. First off, and most importantly, yesterday, I asked someone very special to me out. I don't want to say who -- it's kind of a surprise right now. But I'm no longer single -- sorry, ladies, I know you were all after me, but that's the way the ball drops. (Okay, so only one lady's been after me, and she's now my girlfriend. Sue me.) So, yeah, that's great. Second, I got my job! Finally, after stalling a phone call for a long time, I am now a maintenance assistant at a hotel. I'll be doing some janitor work and helping the maintenance guy, but now I'll be working! Finally! Money to go toward my new iBook! And I get the hours that I wanted! I am so happy about it... and can't wait till next week when I start. I asked for something after eleven, and the manager agreed whole-heartedly. So... money! Work! Responsibility! Tithe! Woohoo!qdTTired and jaded Current Song: "Emaline," Ben Folds (live) Work is already makin me tired. I've only been on the job for two days, but my feet hurt. Poor me. But I'm complaining. I really, really like the job. I'm basically, a janitor. I sweep, mop, clean the pool, help out Dale (the maintenance guy), take out garbage, etc. And I'm paid pretty well for my first job. Plus, I'm working a steady noon to four, weekdays only, so I get my nights and weekends. I'm gonna have that iBook! I went out and got a Blockbuster Freedom Pass today... mom's paying for it, but I'm gonna pay her back when I'm paid. They're doing the freedom pass year-round, now, not just in the summer... $20 a month, and I can rent a game, keep it, exchange it for something else, anything I want for a whole month. And if I like it, I reinstate it and get it next month. And etcetera. It's a great deal. Tonight I rented MGS2: Substance, but I'll be taking it back tomorrow and probably getting Enter the Matrix. I just wanted to see how Substance was, and what was in it... but I've already beaten MGS2 several times and don't really need to go through it again, so I'm gonna go grab something else. So... yeah. I'm sorta worn out, so I'm gonna probably get in bed. Bed, at 10:50... a summer first for me. Oh well.qeTóAll the children, siiiing... Current Song: "Song for the Dumped," Ben Folds (live DVD edition) Nothing eventful today, except that tomorrow I start my job... woohoo. I dunno why I'm suddenly feeling regret about it. I want to work, and make money, and get my uncle off my back about getting a job... And it's not like I won't be able to get online anymore, I'll be working four or five hours a day, nothing huge. And the work won't even be HARD. I'm basically a janitor, and the hotel doesn't usually need cleaning. I'm just afraid of it, I guess. Responsibility. Yuck. So, yeah... that's about it. Talked to Jessie today on the phone, again, and beat Quest for Glory II with my wizard. Woo, now he is Deathfoot the Paladin! Yeah, baby, over 110 honor points. Oh, and last night I changed the picture of myself at the side, to reflect the fact that I've been in a good mood lately. The other pic was depressed-looking, because at the time I took it my DSL was down. The new one is happier. But, that's about it... so I'll just kinda sign out for now. Have a nice blog. (By the way, the current song does my no means reflect current events. I've just had that version of BFF's Song for the Dumped in my head for a long time... and Ben makes it hilarious on the DVD, so, that's my current song. Woo.) Late Update: Me again. Just posting some last minute worries about the job. I'm jittery, and want to find out just what's going on with my scheduling and stuff. I really want weekends off... all I need is 20 or 25 hours a week. Hopefully, 25, so I still have around $100 a week after tithe... but whatever I get is good. I'll hopefully be able to work after school when I go back, so if I don't raise the $1000 by the end of summer, I should still be cool. We'll see... I just don't want to give up too much time with my internet friends. The few people I constantly talk to are pretty much my life. Especially my girlfriend. So.. yeah. 1:08AM. I oughtta go to bed soon. I gotta wake up at 11. Hrm. I'm nervous. Pray for me.qfT—What a wonderful woooorrllllld Current Song: "Dope Nose," Weezer I feel great right now. Just got off the phone with Jessie, so, I'm in a good mood. I start work on Tuesday... noon to four. I'm really excited about the job, I just hope the maintenance guy doesn't schedule me for weekends... but if he does, I don't mind, I can get by on a few hours of sleep, I've gotten up for school and all okay, so. I'm sure I can handle it all. I just can't wait to start earning my money... check it out! urlLink The Apple iBook... 800mhz of notebook glory. That is my goal, to raise $999 this summer and purchase an Apple iBook. I love that computer. I want one, badly. I'll need a new laptop, this one is spiffy but it's not too powerful and I don't know how much longer it'll last... so, yeah. I need a new one. I've had my eye on a Mac for a long time, and now that I'm getting a job my dream may become a reality. Oh, another thing: I have a new host for my site! Update your bookmarks (yeah, right). Instead of http://renomasterson.tripod.com, it's now http://renomasterson.shadowonline.com. My new host gives me unlimited bandwidth, 20mb of space, CGI, PHP, Cpanel, the works. And if I need more space he can give it to me. Lorenz Pleiss is a very cool person. Anyhow, yeah, I have a new host, but the site's the same... GO SIGN MY GUESTBOOK! Time to blow this seafood restaurant. See you all later. I got a job!qgTìFind Therma. Current Song: [Big Band, Bebop, and Bones: The Grim Fandango Soundtrack] Been a long while, hasn't it? I really figure I should update this thing... I'm definately not getting that iBook by the end of the summer. I was just laid off for two weeks from my job... they decided that they don't have the money to support me, so I can't go back to work until Jason, the usual evening maintenance guy, leaves to return to college. And besides, I'm spending my money left and right as it is... I ordered Discworld Noir last weekend, and just ordered Tony Tough and Gabriel Knight 3 tonight... all adventure games. I won't play GK3 until I've played GK2, which Jessie's going to lend to me. But Tony Tough just looks plain cool. It's a revitalzation of hope for our little genre. I mean, come on, any developer COURAGEOUS enough to make a 2D game in late 2002, and to make it really, really good for that matter, PROVES that there's hope left in the world for adventure gamers. And Discworld Noir's pretty cool, too. But that's a couple years old and 3D. I'm not saying it's bad, by no means. But Tony Tough is just really refreshing in that it's brand new, pretty much, and 2D. I'll shut up now. So yeah, my job WAS going good, and it will be going good again when I go back to work. It's a cool job, I enjoy it, and I get a good pay for my first job and all. But, whatever, it's a good vacation and I'm glad to have some more time off. I'll be working the school year, too, so... yeah. It's a good thing, because I have things to save up for -- Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, and Sam and Max: Freelance Police, and Full Throttle: Hell on Wheels, and other various wastes of money I might find. Ahh, the working life is good. By the way, if YOU like adventure games, VISIT MY NEW ADVENTURE COMMUNITY! urlLink http://renomasterson.shadowonline.com/advforum It's called Between Adventures and it's there for ALL your adventure gaming needs, AND THENSOME. So visit! Please! Populate! Annnnnnnd... I'm off!qhT©And then... I WASN'T HERE! Current Song: "The I'm No Longer on Blogger Anthem," Reno Masterson Well, lookie there. I have a whole new blog. And it's owned by yours truly, me, not theirs truly, Blogger. So yeah. http://renomasterson.shadowonline.com/log There's the new one. Go. Enjoy. Indulge in news that belongs to someone else. I suppose this is a bit of a landmark post... my last post on Blogger. I've been here for eight months... blogging away. Memories are stored here... from Youth Night to The Great DSL Loss of '03, to my summer job, I have eight months of memories sporadically tossed around in this little corner of Blogger. I guess I should say something meaningful, or philosophical. I mean... this is it for renomasterson.blogspot.com. It's time for a whole new era. So, after all the memories... I guess there's only one word that's appropriate for my Last Word on Blogger... And that word is... BLAEH!!!!qiTËErm... ahem. Current Song: N/A Current Mood: Apologetic Ah... um... haha... yeah, well... hmm, and... ah... yes, with the, ah... and... hmm. I'm back. ...and I owe Blogger an apology. ...sorry, Blogger. I couldn't make it on my own. I'm coming back to Blogger. It's been exactly three months from today -- well, no, three months from yesterday, technically, but it's 3:52AM on Thursday night to me, so therefore it still feels like the 27th. Three months ago, I left Blogger forever, to start my own blog hosted at my own web space. Well, I posted... maybe four times there. Literally. I hardly used it. I didn't like it. So here I am, back at Blogger, because I need a place to vent my life to the unsuspecting universe. Welcome back to my story. Get comfortable. This could last a while. The first news item of the day is as such: ShadowOnline is shutting down. Yes, the best host I've ever had is going under. Lorenz has every right to close it, as he did it for free anyway... but still. I wish there'd been more notice. Bah. Oh well. I'm very tired, so I think I'm going to go on to bed now. Tomorrow's Friday, and, and... ah, and... and I don't know how that's relevant to anything. Oh well. Sleep tight.qjT¦Luguuubrious. Current Song: "Richter's Theme," Castlevania: Dracula X Current Mood: Quiet... where is everyone? Well, the Christmas season is upon us. Well... the Christmas season is upon YOU. It didn't really come upon me. It snuck up behind me and nailed me in the skull with a blackjack. Where did it come from? I don't know! I mean, I KNEW it was the Christmas season, but it's December 23rd! TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS! And I didn't even REALIZE it until a couple days ago! Where did December go? Where did NOVEMBER go? Oh, I know where November went. It sped past as I pushed myself through NaNoWriMo. Which, by the way, I completed. Yes. I finished NaNoWriMo. I wrote a 50,000 word novel in a single month. Well, to tell you the honest truth, I wrote 12,000 of those words on the last day. Yes... the last day. Twelve thousand. ...wow. It STILL surprises me. Anyway, my novel isn't quite up yet for anyone to see... I didn't exactly finish it as much as meet my 50k quota. Mind you, though, I did do it. It's just nowhere to be seen yet. Mainly because my website is dysfunctional. As I said in my last post (about a month ago... I am lazy.), ShadowOnline closed its doors. I moved to ProHosting. After Christmas, I'm going to use $10 to pull the ads off of my webspace. See, I wasn't sure if it'd be worth it to buy ad-free-ness, but seeing as my account name is renosix ( urlLink http://fire.prohosting.com/renosix ), I figure that if anything, it'll be great for any pages I make, since it's not exclusively titled after The Deli's Pick. So once Christmas is done and past, I'm going to use that $10 in my wallet to buy my page away from adscurity. And when I do, I'll be much happier. Otherwise, you know what I did today? I finished up Fario's first demo, that's what I did. Well, the first OFFICIAL demo, of the fourth incarnation of his first game. Get all that? I haven't uploaded the ZIP file to my Yahoo! Briefcase yet, so it's not quite on the web yet. But it will be. Soon. I'm really proud of it. It consists of World One, and the World One boss fight. That's right, boys and girls, you get to take down King Poopa with a shoe cannon. What fun! What excitement! What a moldy loaf of bread it was to program! Hey, it's done, and that's all that matters. Now I have seven other worlds to create... I've been playing Baldur's Gate and Riven as of late. I have to get back into BG, I haven't played it in a few days, and I have to flat out explore more of Riven. Wow, it's confusing. A lot of wanderlust... but it's spiffy wanderlust. I got the Myst Trilogy as an early Christmas gift, since it was only $20, and so as soon as I finish Riven (yeah, right, maybe summer 2004, seeing as I'm going to try my hardest to use no hints) I'll be able to play Myst III: Exile. Oh, the life of an adventure gamer... Steve's been idle for four and a half hours. I brb'd to take a shower, returned, and he was idle. And has been. And has been. And has been. And now he's nowhere to be seen. I bet he fell asleep. Also, Mewd is completely unaware of the elephant I bought him for Christmas. Mwahahaha! He'll never see it coming! Well, he will, since it's rather large, but he doesn't suspect a THING. Now let's hope he doesn't read my blog. Merry Christmas, everyone. Tomorrow I'm going to my dad's house for Christmas Eve, and returning on Christmas Morn. I'll probably blog again post-Christmas... unless, that is, I get really bored on Christmas Eve and end up getting online or something. But I'll probably end up devoting my time to sitting in front of the TV, playing something that's compatible with my laptop. I wonder what Riven's system requirements are... Edit: AHA! Ludwiggy IMed me! SOMEBODY TO TALK TO!qkTì2004, I likes you already Current Song: "Brain Damage," Pink Floyd Current Mood: Much happier See? See? 2004 fi... fi... repaired my laptop problem. (Sorry, a certain key of mine coming betwen z and c is not working at the moment.) It was a stupid solution. A VERY stupid solution. I'd done everything I usually did to correct the problem. You know what I had to do? I had to remove the battery while it was booted. That's right. While it was booted. And it worked like a charm. Well, almost. Because now, after much knocking around of my computer to try and knock some sense into it, I guess I have a stuck key. See, it's weird. My... my... you know what, lemme copy and paste something here... x There. My x key doesn't work. In order to type the letter, I have to have it on the clipboard and paste it in when I need it. I don't know why. Furthermore, when I boot the computer, I get a tidal wave of beeps cursed at me from the speakers. After fiddling around, hitting random keys, the stuck key finally gives way or something. Also, for some odd, odd reason, I can't make a capital S or W with the right shift key. If I hold both the shift key and the letter down, then release the shift key, then the letter is typed in a bold, capital flavor. But ONLY then. Every other key works fine with the right shift. S and W work just like regular with the left shift. What gives? Ah well. Enough about that. At least the laptop works again. I didn't lose anything, thank God. I've decided that I'm tired of leading a life of purely digital entertainment. It's great, really, but you know, I haven't read through a book in the LONGEST time. This is all going to change. Today, I picked up the one-volume edition of The Lord of the Rings that I've had in my desk for two years and started to read it. Let's get one thing straight right off the bat -- I'm not a fan of LOTR. I don't hate it, either. I don't have any feelings for it. I've seen the first two movies, the second half-heartedly, and remember neither of them. I've always wanted to read the books, but, let's face it, I have trouble reading. For as much as I love writing, I have trouble reading books. I read words just fine. I don't have any kind of deficiency or anything. I just have trouble picturing things in books. I'm trying hard to get over that. I think it's because I try to picture what the author pictures and fail miserably, instead of issuing every character and place its own characteristics according to my imagination. I'm trying to do more of that imagining stuff. So, I'm reading LOTR for three reasons: 1, because I'm tired of feeling like an idiot and saying that I have trouble reading the books. B, because I want to read the books and all. And III, because I'm tired of people watching the movies then claiming to be fans because it's trendy. Honestly, face it! LOTR is trendy now. It's popular, it's up there. Something once reserved to geeks is now a nationwide phenomenon. I don't have a problem with fantasy or LOTR or geekhood at all, mind you, but it's stupid how people are getting into it just so they can fit in. The movies are great. They're epic, they're detailed, the acting is great, the fantasy comes to life. I don't have a problem with the movies. Get that out of your head right now: I have nothing wrong with LOTR. And I don't have anything wrong with people who watch the movies and become fans through those movies. But many people I know are only into it because their friends are. They claim to be fans, but it's only a front so people will like them. This is why I want to read the books. Before I get into the movies, I want to read the books. It's an American stereotype to watch the movie instead of the book, and I don't want to fall into that stereotype. Movies are wonderful, but they shouldn't replace the book they're based on. In my humble opinion, before you go spouting off about how huge of a fan you are of the LOTR series, you have to have at LEAST a DESIRE to read the books. Josh is a big LOTR fan, but he hasn't read the books. However, he WANTS to read the books. That's an entirely different story. If you're going to be a fan, be a fan of the whole thing, and not just the movie because the movie is trendy and all of your friends like it! ...huff, huff... ...I'm going back to reading.qlT¥One final curve Current Song: "The Stranger," Billy Joel Current Mood: ... Well, 2003 has thrown one last hurdle right at my face. While talking to Jessie and Mewd, I hit that little switch next to my CD-ROM drive that ejects the drive from the laptop, which always throws my computer into an instant suspend, and when I take it out of suspend, it's frozen. Now, this has happened. Often. And when it does, I just unplug it, take out the battery, then put both power sources back in and reboot it. Not this time. The laptop no longer turns on. The light'sll go on and the hard drive will start to creak, but that's the end of it. Monitor never even turns on. I don't know why. Judging from the circumstances, it doesn't look like a virus or anything. For one, this has happened before, just... not for quite this long. Two, this happened because of my hitting the switch. I think it might just be because the computer is a bit overheated -- I always put it in suspend and never in shut-down, and just restart when I have to. Else, I don't know. I have the battery out and the power unplugged. I'll plug it back in later. At the end of November, I had to reformat thanks to a software problem in which my sound poofed away. As such, I have everything from April 26th up till November 26th saved. 800mb of backup on the PC. Unfortunately, everything from November 26th up 'till now is gone. My SNES ROM collection, for instance. Oh, and my website. Yeah, that's gone too. Not to mention my progress in Riven and GK2, and countless other trinkets I've downloaded since. Remember that save file I never told you about where I had almost beaten Zero Wing in Round Three? Gone. This is a major letdown. No, can't let that mindframe get a hold of me. I WILL fix that laptop. I don't know how, but it will get fixed. Somehow. Anyhow. It will. It must. It has to. And no, I'm not going to apologize to you, 2003. I'll let 2004 be the year I fix it.qmT,The end of an era Current Song: "Bob," Weird Al Current Mood: Pensive Well, I'm feeling a lot better today than I was last night. I don't know what got over me. Jessie left to take a shower, and the whole time I just stared at her IM, waiting for her to come back, while listening to Dark Side of the Moon. I tried to pull myself away, but I just kept staring... and staring... and staring... and... augh! I got depressed! Help! Help! Getitoff! Anyway, I didn't start this entry to write that. I came to write about 2003. First off, the obligatory paragraph entitled "Where Did the Time Go (I'm Getting Old)" that starts these kinds of posts. Where Did the Time Go (I'm Getting Old) Well? Where DID it go? You know, 2003's been awfully funny. It seems like the year zipped by. I feel like I just took down the Christmas tree at the end of last Christmas. I feel like my dad just married my stepmom. I feel like I just had that sixteenth birthday party. I feel like I just saw my uncle at the Super Bowl party two months ago. And yet, at the same time, I feel like 2003 shouldn't be ending. Seriously. I feel like it's been 2003 for ages, and that it shouldn't change just yet. Why? I don't know. That's why I'm ranting about it. This year feels so funky. Now, on to the meat of the blog entry: What a freakin' year. Lessee... 2003. What all happened? Well, my dad got married to my stepmom in Februrary. I turned sixteen in April. I got my domain name (mwahaha). Well, first I moved to ShadowOnline. THEN I left it and got my domain name. I had a job, for three weeks, then I got fired. Steve came to visit for a few days and put me to shame in Smash Bros. Melee. And most importantly, on June 23rd, Jessie and I started dating. It's been six months since we started now... wow. THAT shot by, fast. Hmm. Really fast. Well, we're about to head out to dinner at the Olive Garden now. I still have to write a letter to Jessie telling her that I might not be on till later. Anyway, that's my featureette on 2003... see you next year, hosers! *sets up a bomb next to 2003*qnT“I'll see you on the dark side of the moon Current Song: "Eclipse," Pink Floyd Current Mood: Melancholy I don't feel all that great right now. Dunno why. Just down. All that you touch All that you see All that you taste All that you feel All that you love All that you hate All you distrust All that you save All that you give All that you deal All that you buy Beg, borrow or steal All you create All you destroy All that you do All that you say All that you eat Everyone you meet All that you slight Everyone you fight All that is now All that is gone All that's to come And everything under the sun is in tune But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.qoTÅThe lunatic is in my head Current Song: CD: "The Dark Side of the Moon," Pink Floyd Current Mood: Very, very lost What? Who? Me? No. You? Why? Sure. Huh? Oh. No. No! Wait. What? Exactly. I've been listening to The Dark Side of the Moon for hours tonight, and it's really getting to me. The music is... confusing. I feel lost. It's entrancing, and VERY eerie. Compelling, too. I'm quite lost. Didn't I already say that? Oh. Yes. Right. Hmm.qpT5It's December 29th! You know what THAT means. Current Song: n/a Current Mood: Relieved What does it mean? That it's December 29th, of course. Yaargh. At 9:20 or so, tragedy struck: a stinkin' search page screwed over Internet Explorer. I couldn't visit any websites -- anything I'd stuff into my Address bar would be disregarded and instead would take me to the same search page. I virus-scanned. I ad-awared twice. I reinstalled IE6. I mucked about in the registry. At 10:30-ish, I left to watch My Cousin Vinny with mom -- such a great movie. (Thanks, Steve!) 12:50 I came back, and went back to it. And about fifteen minutes ago -- around 2:40 -- I solved my dilemma. As it turns out, I wasn't scanning deep enough into the registry. I found a bunch of wmmse.com strings in there, so I deleted all of them. Stupid things. Of course, in the process, I accidentally killed the string that told IE to put http:// in front of a URL by default. So while I solved one problem, I had another to deal with. Another reinstall of IE fixed it easy, though. So, Merry Christmas, everyone! Christmas was wonderful for me. Remember that webspace ordeal I had in my last post? Well, for Christmas, my brother gave me a great gift -- he ordered a premium webhosting package for me. I now have 50mb of space, 10gb bandwidth, and a ton of extra features, including PHP and all that jazz. The best part about it? Mwahaha -- the fact that my new URL is urlLink www.thedelispick.com . Yes, I have a dot com. I'm rearranging the site again -- my last redesign is way too heavy on the tables, and I want a different look. That one doesn't satisfy me. It's sort of the same, just... just... different. You'll see. Eventually. Anyhow, I'm back to watching the Cosby Show marathon and working on my site. Stupid wmmse.com... stealing half of my night...qqTz Aaaaaaaargh Current Song: n/a Current Mood: Half-asleep It's seven am... I just woke up from two nightmares. Urgh. I decided to go to bed on time last night, and ended up waking up around four or so. I was pretty thirsty, so I had some orange soda. I woke mom up, talked to her for a minute, then came back in and laid down at 4:20. I turned on the TV -- Three's Company was on until five. Good. Closed my eyes. I couldn't fall back asleep. I laid there with my eyes closed for quite a while, but my stomach had decided to just sort of rumble for a little while. I just could NOT sleep. Eventually around 5:30 I drifted away. I don't know when I woke up next -- somewhere in the 6 o'clock area. I had dreamt that the house and building behind me had caught on fire, and mom was out of the house. I panicked. I could FEEL the panic, even in my dream. I tried to call 911, but every time I picked the phone up, the dial tone would fade immediately. The phone lines were getting screwed up by the fire. I couldn't get online, or call the police, or anything. All I could think to do was to try and relax and play something on my PS2. I went outside, and my family was on the back porch, with firemen dressed in casual clothes working on the fire. Everything was just fine, but I was really nervous and all now, probably because in my dream my house was all rearranged and so it wasn't familiar to me. That's when I woke up. Fell right back to sleep. That dream wasn't bad. This one was worse. I was at Cody's house, and a lot of other people were there, mostly friends of ours. I sat down at a table with Cody and two others, and used the computer stationed there to check my mail. I opened Yahoo! Mail, and it was all weird -- this odd orange scheme. Instead of it saying that I had mail, however, it said this: "Changes made successfully: 1." I thought something was up, so I clicked on the one. It said "password changed." ...I hadn't changed my password. I went to make sure it was the same, and I got a long, huge page. There were tons of subsequent pictures with words on them from the female hacker who had changed my password. It started with an obviously fake error message saying that somebody had gotten my pasword, and then had some more jumble. Some said things like "Don't say some stupid prayer, like 'God please help me' or any of that crap" and whatnot. I was panting hard as I read it all, and was freaking out. I kept saying aloud, "My password, they got my password!" but nobody really seemed to care. Cody just shrugged at it, and everyone else was uninterested. Again, I was in a panic. I couldn't make sense of anything. After all, somebody had gotten into my mail account and changed everything around. Actually, it was all as if getting and changing my password was like giving me a virus, with the way the pictures were displayed. It surely doesn't seem like much of a nightmare to you, the reader, but man, it scared the pants off of me. I woke up breathing heavily and sweating. I was so glad it was a dream. When my head cleared, I remembered what Yahoo! Mail actually looked like and was a bit relieved. After that, I just had to get into Blogger and write all of this down in my blog. It was my best way of having the dream written down and being able to tell anyone who cares, later on in the day. At any rate, it's 7:26 now and I want to play Castlevania a little before school. Have a good day, everyone.qrTñI am the smell of fear. Current Song: "Drive," Incubus Current Mood: Relaxed I haven't done a lot at all in the past few days. Well, I got my site up, and I'm working on getting Between Adventures back. Go check out my site, I'm VERY proud of it -- urlLink http://www.thedelispick.com . And go sign my guestbook. I'd appreciate it, thanks. One last thing. Please pray for my brother. He's going to Las Vegas for a business convention, and he'll be there for eight or nine days. Thanks.qsU±Waltz waltz waltz waltz waltz Current Song: "Anything by Strauss," Because Waltzes are Cool Current Mood: Beethovey urlLink Take the Dead German Composer Test!qtTBureaucracy! Current Song: "The Coronation," Falconer Current Mood: Sick? I came home early from school yesterday with, supposedly, a stomach virus. It's been going around. Your stomach feels as if you're very worried or really guilty about something -- hunger pains but no appetite. From then on, you enjoy a couple glorious days of discharge, with either diahhrea or vomiting. I had the symptoms. Came home at 11 yesterday afternoon, ate a sandwich, and felt just fine. So I slept. I woke up a couple hours later, called Jessie, messed around a bit afterward, etc. My teacher called sometime last night; they cancelled school today. (When your school contains 16 students, it's easy to get an epidemic going strong.) So I had a nice day off. Furthermore, apparently many are STILL sick, so school was cancelled AGAIN tomorrow. Thus, I get a weekend within a week. I'll have one day of school, then two days of weekend. Mmm-mm. I've been playing Douglas Adam's Infocom adventure game, Bureaucracy, as of late. The game is very funny, yet pretty hard, but it's one of the only interactive fiction titles I can get into. (Surprising as Cody and I used to make these things all the time in eighth grade.) It's a fun game, nonetheless, full of confusion and annoyances and featuring a llama and a one-winged macaw. (For those who noticed the Spider-Man 2 template, it's gone now. Why? Because it was annoying.) And so I end this post with a quote from last night's Conan... "Ohhhh, what happened? Ohhhh, what happened? Ghandi happened! Goodbye."quTŠA Monday for the Masses Current Song: "The Luckiest," Ben Folds Current Mood: Choked up Warning. This post contains mushy romance stuff. If you don't like it, blaeh to you. Tonight, Jessie spent hours working on a slideshow featuring pictures of the two of us with romantic captions set against "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds, which we sort of consider to be our song. She spent a lot of time fixing it up and creating it and putting it together, but after it was done, she had problems sending the .exe. It wouldn't open for Mewd (whom she tested it on) or myself but it was opening just fine for her. We spent another couple hours trying to resolve the problem. She searched Photostudio 2000 for some kind of help or option or preference and I went as far as to download a couple trial versions of the program, all in an attempt to be able to open the file. As it turns out, she had to send EVERYTHING -- the MP3 and pictures and all -- with the .exe. After she did this, I started it up, and learned for the first time what it's like to cry from happiness. It was amazing. The words were very touching, and the pictures seemed to fit the words. I won't go on and on about this, as I'm sure you, as the reader, don't care -- but it's my blog and I'm gonna write about things I want to write about, so there. Aside from that, noooot too much else happened today. So... so... I'm done with this entry. Bye.qvT The Expert Art of Stick Figures Current Song: "The Coronation," Falconer Current Mood: Exhausted Things lately have been a bit quiet. Nothing really exciting has happened before today. Earlier, I found something incredibly interesting. At the urlLink Janitorial Times , a fellow by the screenname of TheRisingSun had posted a fix for the SCI timer bugs in the old Sierra games, available urlLink here . For those of you who know what I'm talking about, go check it out -- instead of slowing down your system with Turbo or Moslo, this is actually a patch for the games. You unzip the patch that applies to each game into its directory, then play it, and the timer problems are instantly solved! No more waiting forever for the elevator in Leisure Suit Larry 3! Space Quest 4, one of the buggiest games in Sierra's history thanks to the screwy time, works like a charm! The desert in Space Quest 1 VGA is actually playable!! As I write this post, he's only got a fix for SQ1VGA, SQ4, SQ5, SQ6, LSL3, LSL5, and PQ3, but as soon as he can get a copy of QFG4 he's going to patch that game as well. I'm sure he's also got other things planned. Either way, these patches really honestly fix the games. The timer problems become nonexistant, from serious problems (SQ4's Droid o'Death, Skate-o-Rama, Sequel Police, etc.) right down to animation problems (SQ1VGA's constant head-swivelling, super-fast cartridge retrieval droid bouncing, etc.). It's like a miracle cure, only it really IS a miracle cure! Sierra fans with timer issues, check the patches out! Secondly, Mewd and I buckled down and got to work on Sandwich Quest today. I decided that to get more work into my projects, I'm going to base my focus on one project and stick to that instead of bouncing back and forth between games. I decided that the one solo project I have that I want most to do is The Quest for the Meaning of Life. As such, MOL is my main goal right now. Well, kind of. I want to focus my solo effort on MOL, but I want an equal emphasis on Sandwich Quest. Basically, instead of having several projects, I have two that are what I want done most, and those're what I'm going to stick to. Anyway, yeah, Mewd and I did a lot of work on Sandwich Quest today. I had accidentally deleted the original file back a few months ago when we were working on it, and so I started rebuilding it today. We didn't have much anyway, and all the stuff that was in the file was still on my hard drive, so I managed to keep all the art and stuff. I have the entire first room rebuilt; aside from that, I have the kitchen scene done and ready to be made into a room, and Mewd already has a lot of the descriptions written. Basically, I've pushed myself all night, and it's paid off. I'm proud of what all we have, even if it isn't a lot just yet. However, it's 5:53 in the morning, and I'm going to bed! I emailed Jessie a half hour ago as I usually do and said that I was going to bed, and then I decided to update my blog, and here it is, six in the morning, and why am I still up? Sheesh, you'd think I was some kind of freak.qwT#I AM dexterity. Current Song: "December," Weezer Current Mood: I dunno, anxious? I did it in 1 seconds. I deserved an A++!! Take the urlLink How Dexterous Are You? Quiz !! Want proof? Completely unedited. Yeah, that's right, I have way too much time on my hands.qxTù Sunday. Yadnus. Current Song: "Substitutional World," Falconer Current Mood: Happy I dreamt last night. And it was a weird dream. I think I was in some kind of game. But it was all very realistic. I think I was kind of like Dante, from Devil May Cry. I was near the end of the game, as it was really short. I told mom that I was just going to leave and go back to doing something else, but as I was walking down this long hallway to leave, I had a feeling that my arch-nemesis would show up -- and he did. He fell from the ceiling in front of me. I don't remember much about his appearance except that he had these glowing white eyes, and strong, last-boss-like red and black armor. We then fought. It was a REALLY taxing battle. He had very strong attacks, but I could block all of them with ease. But I could never hit him. He would spawn these... zombie things. Only they were zombies also wearing red and black armor. They were tall and very thin, and I really couldn't do much damage. I kept on pushing them out of the way, hitting them against walls, elbowing them and the like. I guess eventually I'd kill them, but I was juggling between then and the boss. I kept trying to figure out how to kill the guy, but I couldn't. I think I had a sword and a gun. Well, I know I had a gun. I could never harm him. He'd do this huge dash, then leap a couple times into the air and wail on me with a huge combo, but I would block it. When he would run back to the center of the hall, I'd attempt to run and hit him with a clothesline with my sword. I thought this was effective, but I don't think it was doing much. Finally, after a long battle, I managed to get him down onto the ground. I straddled him, curled my fingers in his hair, and pounded his skull mercilessly against the floor while calling for backup. A few of my friends came and used some kind of ritual to draw the evil spirit out of him, and he returned to normal. Then I remember drawing my gun and saying, "No, I'm not going to let you live," and trying to shoot him, but the gun wasn't firing because the game was over. And then, I woke up. I also had a short dream about Jessie before that, but it was so wild and passionate that I don't DARE talk about it here. (If seeing her sitting on the couch and reading is wild and passionate, that is.) Anyway, it's now 4:57, and you can bet your pants that they're going to be calling soon for us to go to dinner. So until they do, I'm going to continue listening to Falconer. I've spent the past ten or fifteen minutes getting my blog to publish onto my website, instead of on blogspot.com. However, Blogger can be an unfunctional piece of crap, and so it isn't working. I'll just stay on Blogspot. It's not that bad. And it's a heck of a lot easier than fighting this thing.qyTPYou shall be slain; all of you! Current Song: "Just a Phase," Incubus Current Mood: Fired up I'm going to be performing tomorrow morning in church: a dramatic recital of Psalm 62. Truly, my soul waiteth upon God. From him cometh my salvation. He only is my rock AND my salvation. He is my defence; I shall NOT be greatly moved. How long will you imagine mischief against a man? You shall be slain; all of you! As a bowing wall shall ye be, and as a tottering fence! They only consult to cast him DOWN from his excellency! They delight in lies! They bless with their mouth, but they CURSE inwardly! My soul, wait thou ONLY upon God, for my expection is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation. He is my defence. I shall NOT be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your hearts before him! God is a refuge for us. Surely, men of low degree are vanity, and men of high degree are a lie; to be laid in the balance, they are altogether lighter than vanity. Trust not in oppression, and become not vain in robbery! If riches increase, set NOT your heart upon them! God has spoken once, twice have I heard this -- that power belongeth unto God! Also unto thee, o Lord... belongeth mercy; for thou renderest to every man according to his work. I especially like the second paragraph. I get loud, forceful, and convicting with my words. For now though, I depart; I'm gonna get a quick haircut then come back and play more of Gabriel Knight 2. It's really heating up. Anyway -- gotta run. So long.qzTÆ Episode 263: "Soliciting Prayers" Current Song: "That's Life," Frank Sinatra Current Mood: I think I'm still shaking Just earlier I had a discussion with Kat about God. Kat, if for some reason you're reading this entry, I apologize for keeping you for so long after you first stated that you were going to leave, but I really thought it was important that I speak to you about God. There is so much I have left to say, and so many things I wish I would have said differently -- it's a struggle to pick and choose what you want to say in the flash of an instant -- but I hope what I said had some effect on you. If ever you need to speak to me about God, if you ever feel compelled to go one step over what you've learned in all your therapies and whatnot, to lean over the calice you've built up toward God, IM me. Please, IM me. I'm more than willing to help you and encourage you. I guess all I can say is one thing Mewd mentioned: there's a big difference between religion and God, and though your religion wronged you, God is completely different -- and from what you told me, entirely contrary to what you were taught. God loves you; I love you. Come to either of us and we'll help you. I really don't want to sound pretentious, but I would just like to stress how important it is to me -- somebody that barely knows you -- that you wind up with peace in your heart. I won't go into details -- here I am, writing in a public blog about somebody else's personal life. I'm not saying any of this to embarrass her; rather, to rally a call for action. My Christian friends, please, PLEASE keep Kat in your prayers. You may or may not know her -- probably not. Still, God'll hear you. Please pray for her. Pray that she recovers from her ailments, though most aren't things that can just fade away. Pray that she learns the truth about the Lord, and His plan of salvation for us. Most of all, pray that she accepts Him in time, that she finds that He really is the closest confidant one can have. Again, not trying to embarrass her or pry into her business -- far from it. I'd just love to prove to her that God and His followers DO care about her, and the 'cruelty' she saw in Him was an object of the devil. That's really all I can say about anything right now. Aside from my girlfriend's birthday and my horrendous pile of a day at school yesterday, nothing terribly exciting has happened lately. Go read "The Hiding Place" by Corrie ten Boom. Great nonfiction novelization about a Christian family in Holland that fell under Nazi oppression in WW2. The author, Corrie, became a "militant leader in the anti-Nazi Dutch underground." She risked everything to save the persecuted Jews from Hitler's rage. Really interesting book. Very inspiring.q{THWeapons of Crash Induction Current Song: "Loverman," Metallica (Been a while since they showed up here...) Current Mood: Excited ROOTERS -- At approximately 9:30PM EST on February 11, 2004, the assault began on the dictator, Error the Fifty-Second. President Carnahan gave a propagandous rally speech before the event. "The preparations have begun in our attack on Error," he began, invoking resounding applause. "Our troops will raid the swamp. They will find Error. They will annihilate on sight. This is not a test." The operation's treasurer, known anonymously as "Reno," finished paying off his debt to the operation's commander, also known anonymously as "New Rising Sun." After the transaction was complete, the commander began his ambush on the unprepared Error the Fifty-Second. At the time of writing, Error is in exile. His land now occupied by the Forces of Good, he can only manifest where he is unexpected. Sources say that Error the Fifty-Second had many sub-errors, lurking in such places as the slippery slope and near the wraiths. Commander Sun is confident that the sub-errors will be brought to great justice. Minutes after the launch, President Carnahan claimed that "A full solution to the evil, vile, wretched beast that is Error 52 is at hand." --- Amazing, no? An actual news story. Huh. Very interesting.q|TÉSo new, it still smells like Lysol! Current Song: "Wield my Sword," Nightwish Current Mood: Content I've changed things around considerably. I was getting online to update my blog and noticed a link at Blogger.com about... something about Networking, and checked it out. A click or two later and I noticed something about finding new templates for my blog. Since Blogger.com's supply is AWFULLY limited, and I've been wanting a new template for some time, I took a look at the first link on the list of sources -- urlLink BlogSkins.com . I looked through the templates available there, and eventually, under the Digital category (I was drawn here due to my geekhood), I found this one, liked it a bunch, and saved it to my drive. After a bunch of editing away at the sidebar and stuff, I present to you -- my new blog. Very cool, huh? I love it! It spiffs! Immensely! Immensely! (And a bajillion thanks to Steve for hosting that above image while my site refuses to let me into cPanel.) On to more pressing matters, though! Last night I finished The Beast Within: A Gabriel Knight Mystery. Yes, Gabriel Knight 2, the only game from Sierra's FMV era that's actually good. The climax was a thriller. That opera... hoo, that opera. It had me shaking, not from fright, but from sheer excitement. But I finished that game, finally -- the museum in Chapter 4 held me up forever. Man, that was annoying. At any rate, I'm done with the game and am now moving on to Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned. It's about vampires, and ancient castles, and other stuff -- in 3D. The interface is a bit cumbersome so far, but I'll get used to it. Also, Tim Curry is NOT Gabriel. Dean Erickson is. I can't stand Curry's rendition of the novelist. Which I make a point of in the sidebar. Anyway! I'm going to post this now, because I have to, because, I do. Gotta study for Social Studies. For an era as cool as the middle ages, the work is awfully confusticating...q}TAFuneral for a Friend Current Song: (my Launchcast station) Current Mood: Very unhappy The deed is done and all is lost; my laptop is no more. Day after day, I've struggled with that beast. Every other day -- quite literally -- it would develop bad sectors. Its performance fluctuated. The sound card was somehow becoming physically dislodged from the machine, as in the past couple of days it's been suddenly cutting out sound-wise. I've had to tap or hit the chassis of the laptop where the sound card was in order to get the sound back. The monitor was already going bad, and would sometimes display funky lines on the screen. I would have to hit it a few times to knock it back into place. The thing was really banged up. Tonight, I was hitting it to try and get my sound back, and it just blinked off. So I turned it back on. It would get past my Windows screen, then eventually just lock up. I rebooted, and Scandisk prompted; so I ran a scan. It tried to scan the directory structure but hung at 31%, claiming that a bad sector stopped it from being able to go further. It would try its little heart out to scan it but nothing was doing. I turned the computer off then back on. I was prompted with the menu that lets you boot in normal mode, Safe Mode, etc. I chose Command Prompt as I usually do to scandisk again. Typed scandisk at the DOS prompt. Bad command or file name. ...Okay, change directory to c:\windows. scandisk. Bad command or file name. Um. Dir scan*.*? There was no Scandisk.exe. Anywhere. Scandisk.exe had been wiped out. Alright, so, maybe I can catch a fluke and load Windows. Restarted the computer. Not even my Windows 98 screen came up. It hung right after I entered my hard drive password. Crap and a half. I eventually popped in my Windows 98 disc to see if I couldn't use it as a boot disk, or just reinstall Windows. It did an automatic scandisk to check for drive integrity. Aaaand it hung again, just like last time, at 31%. I shut down and rebooted, and then copied scandisk.exe from the CD back to my hard drive. At least that was resolved. However, since my laptop used interchangeable CD-ROM and Floppy drives, I had to shut down in order to switch drives. This posed a huge problem -- I could only get to my command prompt using the Windows 98 disc, and I needed my floppy drive to back up things. I looked around and eventually found my old Universal Boot Disk -- if I could use that to boot my computer, I could use another disk to back stuff up. The idea worked. I managed to get into C: and grab some documents and images. I'm going to go back sometime in the near future when things have settled down and see if I can somehow get back into Windows. There's a lot more I want to back up. Ohhh, is there a lot more. However, I'm not nearly in the mood to fiddle with it all now. I'm finally starting to ease up a bit. I've been very upset ever since it happened. I really wish I could just avoid school tomorrow and stay in bed, or maybe do something to cheer myself up. Whatever. The whole thing's a mess. I've written too much already so I won't go into my options for room-based personal computer replacement, or "What I'm Going to Do to Get Back Online From My Room." I still have the PC out here, but mom uses it too. I need privacy. Top it all off with the fact that I've had the menacing smell of grape soda stuck in my nose ever since Tim drank a can of it during our Chess match earlier, right now I'm not feeling my best. I have homework but I want to play Callahan's Crosstime Saloon. Maybe I'll just shrug my homework off for a while. I need something to cheer me up.q~T£Ease of Use? On a PC? What!? Current Song: "I Get No Kick From Cocaine," Blazing Saddles Current Mood: Surprised I set about the gruelling task today of setting up, breaking in, and paper training our new computer. Amazingly enough... Brace yourself. While keeping in mind that this is Windows XP. Still braced? Things worked very, very, very well. I mean it. Aside from a bad product key which disallowed me from the Office 2003 free trial (which I fixed on the phone with a Swede in tech support) everything's gone smooth. Even my printer setup! And I've never successfully set up a printer on my first try! It was spiffy! I managed to even print out a working page! Without hassle! AYAYAYAYAYAY!! Yeah. I'm happy. The whole thing is wonderful. The monitor's a tad smaller than the old one but that's fine -- it's still a great picture and all. And I can bear XP. Overall, it's spifftastical. Three thumbs up.qTUChapter 2: Everything Happens for a Reason Current Song: "Superman's Dead," Our Lady Peace Current Mood: Happy Welp, we got a new computer today. One that DOESN'T suck. 2.8GHz. 256MB SDRAM. 80GB hard drive. DVD-ROM. CD-RW writer. USB ports out the yinyang (it clocks in at six, four in the back and two in the front). It's on like Donkey Kong. I'm really happy about the new PC. It's very spiffy; very smooth and sleek. It runs things in a very... very... very new-y manner. It's all Windows XP so the bells and whistles are present. I don't intend on removing it; I have the other PC in my room now (which is where I'm at) and it uses Windows 98SE, so I'm happy. Yes, speaking of, I'm glad about having the PC in here now -- 400mhz, 80gb hd, 128mb RAM, it's not as good, but it's still spiffy. It's been the best I've had for years and years. And while now a new computer has overthrown it, it still lives on in my room, thriving and giving me privacy and other neat stuff, like doughnuts. But yeah, new computer, replacement for the laptop, and I'm happy. Finally, my computer desk has a use!q€TÅTroubled Waters Current Song: "Like the Rain," Clint Black Current Mood: A bit upset Many things to touch on in this update of El Bloggo. First and foremost, The Passion of the Christ is one of the most powerful, influential, and humbling movies ever produced. The film speaks so much strength and really is a very refreshing event. People direly need to see just what Christ went through when He was crucified, and it took Mel Gibson to show them this side of His life. Secondly, LucasArts has officially lost about 5,000 fans with their urlLink cancellation of Sam and Max: Freelance Police. A petition has risen to save the game from the knife of the LEC Glukkons. It's already been cancelled, but we're revolting in protest of the cancellation. Please, if you have any adventure game spirit in you or if you're a big fan of Sam and Max or if you loved Hit the Road or if all of the above apply to you, urlLink write them a letter expressing your disgust or urlLink sign the petition to bring it back. This is an outrage. They'll know their mistake. Thirdmost, Warcraft III is the most fun I've had in a real-time strategy game since, well, since forever. As much as I liked starcraft, WC3 changes everything around and turns the RTS genre upside down. I LOVE the single player campaigns; I'm actually rather good at them. I REALLY suck at multiplayer, though, so I stray from battle.net play. But for an introvert, single player is enough for me. And when I finish the four campaigns of Reign of Chaos, I have the expansion, The Frozen Throne, to look forward to. What a wonderful world. Anything else? No, don't think so. Go see The Passion of the Christ. You must see this film. You need to see this film.qT¥ Lovesick Current Song: "A Kiss to Build a Dream On," Louis Armstrong Current Mood: Melancholy The current song is a really, really good one. Mewd sent it to me; it's the theme from the PC game, Fallout 2. I was looking for some 50's-style music for something I'm working on, and while it isn't bouncy like I wanted, it's a very good, very slow song. I'm really feeling out of whack and disoriented right now. My grandmother, great-aunt, aunt, and uncle are going to Florida for ten days with travel time, and again, they're calling on me to mind their house while they're gone. I'll be watching over my aunt, uncle, and grandmother's house while two of my cousins are taking up my great aunt's house next door. With my cousin David living at my aunt's house, it'll essentially be four cousins watching two houses. This usually isn't a problem, but apparently, David's recently started to use the computer after everyone goes to bed. Hopefully there's no contention for computer use. Also, since my aunt wants to use AOL in Florida, and doesn't want the account tied up, I'll be installing SBC Yahoo! Dial-Up over at her house, and using that to get online. I may just take my computer over and hook up all the peripherals to it, so I can have a familiar experience over there. With this there, my cousin probably won't be too inclined to use it as it's mine. However, I'm not sure. I'll probably just use hers, and if I direly need my own PC, I'll take it along. I'm not sure. At any rate, the whole thing has me discombobulated. I've been sick for the past couple of days. Nothing serious -- diahhrea -- but all of last night, I had the distinct queasy feeling that I'd be vomiting. I spent two and a half hours going in and out of the bathroom for long periods of time. While I finally lied down at 2:40 or so, I didn't actually fall asleep until 4 -- I just half-dreamed (you know, that thing where you're conscious, but vivid thoughts are swimming in your head). I woke up again at 7 when mom went to work, and then actually got up at 11. I felt much better, at least. Still, that's the second day this week I've taken a sick day, the first being Tuesday (I had the bug mildly but thought I had it bad). I'm not ready to go back, and I still don't feel all together. I feel like things are happening really fast. And at the same time, I'm really emotional -- maybe it's due to lack of sleep, or a combination of that with the traces of the bug still in me, but since Jessie left about half an hour ago, I've really, really missed her. Maybe it's because the song is really romantic and melancholy or something -- I dunno. All I know is, I really wish I could talk to her again soon. I'll probably call her before bed, as I always do, but... I dunno. I miss her. Soon, we're going over to my aunt's house again. It's 9:45 at the moment I write this. They're leaving at 5:00am. Thusly, we won't be there to see them off, unless mom and I wake up early. Anyway, we're gonna go over there to say goodbye and for last-minute instruction and all that. I guess I'm just really nervous. I feel very alone, and I don't know why. Have a great weekend. I'll write again when I'm all settled in. Sorry for the delay between posts.q‚UTCurrent Song: "Wayfaring Stranger," Trace Adkins Current Mood: Tired Seriously.qƒTCurrent Song: "Whiskey Lullaby," Brad Paisley Current Mood: Melancholy? I'm sorry that I've forgotten lately to update the ol' weblog. When I was at my aunt's house, the dialup, combined with the forced 800x600 resolution and ultra-dim monitor, didn't exactly leave me wanting to update. The housesitting went about as well as possible. Catch an update: the ten days went slightly roughly, with me spending a lot of time cleaning and my cousin spending a lot of time not cleaning. When I'd finally be done cleaning and doing homework, he'd be online. For the most part, everything was alright, I suppose. Well worth the $100 pay, even though I wasn't really doing it for the money. A few days after finally leaving their place, I spent a weekend over at my brother's. Talk about refreshing. I had minimal cleaning up to do and plenty of freedom and aloneness. They didn't pay me, but that's no problem at all -- I didn't expect any money for letting the dog out, eating Chips Ahoy and playing Baldur's Gate. It was more of a vacation than anything. Now, back to the present. I've had both Whiskey Lullaby and A Kiss to Build a Dream On in my head all day, and I was listening to both as soon as I got home, but eventually dropped off Kiss and am now just listening to Whiskey Lullaby. It's a really sad song, about two people who drank themselves to death over each other. "She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger, And finally drank away his memory. Life is short, but this time it was bigger Than the strength she had to get up off her knees. They found her with her face down in the pillow, Clinging to his picture for dear life... We laid her next to him beneath the willow, While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby." Mewd once said that he thinks it's silly when people post lyrics, because you don't get the full effect unless you hear the song. This applies. The song, as Jessie described it, is painfully eerie. Definitely the saddest song I've heard in a while. And you know what? I love it. I really dig slow, sad songs like this. At any rate, today wasn't too bad. The past few weeks, however, have been hellish. My schoolwork is really falling behind, and getting very late. I finally finished another part of Chemistry today -- I surprisingly aced the self-test with a 100 -- but Geometry and English are still nipping at my heels. Once I finish Geometry and English, though, I'm finally in the clear. It'll feel good... really good. It's like when you're guilty of something, and the pain is eating away at you, clenching your heart and wringing it out, until finally you confess to someone, anyone, and the pain dissipates. Ashley's felt the same heat I have. We both feel like we're pretty much under the gun -- our infinitely untactful teacher loves to make us feel terrible with remarks that we would readily accept as advice with any other tone of voice. I dunno -- once I get this stuff done and in, I'll feel so much better. Much better. On the brighter side, I've added two additions to the Compaq -- another 256 megs of RAM and a 64 meg GeForce MX 4000 video card. It's all souped up now, and plays Halo like a dream. Now I just need to get a job so I can buy Armed and Dangerous (the only exception I'm making to my 'boycott LucasArts' mindset -- it's my duty as a Sam and Max 2 revolutionary to support such a wonderfully made original effort at a game). I'm going to take my brother's advice and look into a job at the local cemetary. Nobody would bother me there, and personally, I'd rather be haunted than deal with other human beings. I think that's enough for this entry, though. I'm going to do my homework then read or something for a while, waiting for Jessie. Heads up, Deli fans -- I have a new design in the works and I'm currently learning the humongously-awesome Inform programming code for making text adventures, or interactive fiction, if you will. IF is my oldest programming passion. One last thing: I've updated the sidebar to reflect current-ity. Catch you later. > quit Are you sure you want to quit? (Yes or no.) > yesq„T^Current Song: "I Believe," Diamond Rio Current Mood: Productive (!) Heyo, folks. Ready to blog? I sure am. Confused by the title? I'm sure you are. Let me run it down for you, nice and easy: I'm wiping away my computer and starting fresh. I've reformatted computers several times; I'm a reformatting demon. Let's see, I formatted my computer twice, then eventually got a new hard drive, and I formatted my laptop once. So that's about four fresh starts. Anyhow, this is all ancient history; what you're concerned with is the here and now (or, actually, in your case, the there and then, as you're probably not reading this as I type it, unless you're a hacker watching my every keystroke, and if you are, please bring me a doughnut, I want doughnuts). Here's the deal. My computer now has taken a liking to the dark side of freezing. It's flirted with such evilness several times, even managing a convoluted fit of blue screens, once, where I could only use it one in four times after booting. It just wouldn't work -- it'd load to the desktop, then, all of a sudden, without warning, without so much as a peep or a click -- WHAMMO! Blue screen! Recently, though, it's decided to itself, "Say, I think I'll just freeze upon the occurance of some random little process deep in the bowels of my monstrous bulk." (And it's bulky, all right. I once found a small child trapped inside.) "Let's see, how can I really ham this up? How can I truly peeve off the Typer Of The Keys? Think think think... aaahhhh... aha! Genius! I'll stop responding to everything he does, yet at the same time I'll let him move his mouse all over the screen! And while I'm at it, while I'm at it... ohhh, baby, while I'm at it, I'll make a slow, quiet ticking, to make him THINK I'm doing something, but then ultimately letting him down when he realizes that I've committed neo-seppuku once more! Whoa! When can I start this... when when when... how about... how about next time he boots! Oh, Gatey," (my computer calls itself Gatey because it's a retard) "you are amazing. Give yourself a pat on the metallic hull, you nutsy beast." This is the gist of my problem: random freezing. Among other things, of course. My massive 80-gig hard drive will likely take quite a while to format, so I'm going to go take care of that now. It is 4:29. I'll write again in a bit -- sayonara! -~- Hey, blog reader! The time is now 7:53, and the formatting is well on its way. It's formatting at about 1%/15 seconds, so that's 4% in a minute. 40 in ten minutes, thus 80 in twenty, thus 100 in twenty-five -- it'll be done around 8:15. There's your Math Example of the Day?, kids. I have five CDs worth of stuff; three containing data that I'm wanting to keep, and two containing old laptop backups that I don't want to risk losing. I thoroughly, thoroughly scanned through my computer, combing C:, C:\Program Files, and my Programs menu. I found things buried in deep, but the only things I couldn't recover were my Neverhood saved games -- I don't know WHERE The Neverhood programmed them to save to, but they sure as heck don't go in the DreamWorks Interactive/Neverhood folder. Crazy people. I'm pretty happy that I'm finally doing this. You know, even in its last hours, that computer gave me problems. It developed a nasty habit in which it would freeze for about thirty seconds every time I deleted files. I did a lot of deleting, too. In fact, I even did something childishly destructive, but it felt really good... You know how, when you go into the Windows folder, it tells you not to EVER MESS WITH THE FILES INSIDE BECAUSE IF YOU TOUCH THEM, YOU WILL BE TOTEMIZED ? Eheheheh... before quitting to DOS to format C:, I went into the Windows folder, and I deleted random files! Oh, it felt wonderful! I drug my cursor into a big box around some files, then hit Shift+Delete and wiped them out. Several times! My Windows folder looked like a post-war street with all the unpatched holes in it. Take THAT, Microsoft! And that! And that! ...And this, also! So... so yeah. I'm gonna go on ahead and post this now -- thanks for sticking around to read my onslaught of C: formatting goodness. Have a night.q…TªCurrent Song: "Metroid Prime Theme," who do you think? Current Mood: Ecstatic Holy crap! Has anybody seen the latest from Nintendo at E3? Another realistic Zelda game! More info on Metroid Prime 2! Just look at all the crap on the Nintendo DS! Holy cow! Ho-lee cow! I'm sorry, folks. I'm in shock. Pure, utter shock. The DS will have the functionality of a Nintendo 64. A Nintendo 64. And it's a portable gaming system. And one of its two screens is a touch-screen. And it has voice recognition. And it will probably have support for a wireless network for online portable gaming. PS3? NextBox? Pshaw. I don't care if Microsoft unveils their newest and latest brand of Sensation Heightening Integrative Technology for their new Xbox. I don't care HOW powerful the PlayStation 3's processor is. The Nintendo Dual-Screen is going to do for portable gaming what the Game Boy Advance did for portable gaming. ...yeah. Anyway, I would post links to all this content, but I just can't bring myself to do anything but squeal like a little girl. urlLink Nintendo.com has a lot of screenshots and info about their latest offerings, and urlLink Games Are Fun is always trustworthy for news. Also of note might be urlLink GameSpot or something. Just go feed on screenshots and videos of the latest technology. E3 never ceases to amaze. Before I go, some food for thought: until 2002, Nintendo hadn't released a Metroid game for almost ten years. Two years later, they've announced their fifth since Prime was released. Metroid, Metroid 2, Super Metroid, Metroid Prime, Metroid Fusion, Metroid Zero Mission, Metroid Prime 2: Echoes, and Metroid Prime: Hunters. Does Nintendo know a cash cow or WHAT?q†TÂCurrent Song: "Never Loved a Girl," Aerosmith Current Mood: Giddy Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. Mewd has a PlayStation 2. It's about time. You are a really sad person when you get excited because somebody ELSE got a new console.q‡T2 Current Song: "Back Back Train," Aerosmith Current Mood: Ever realize how silly this "Current Mood" bit is? I'm sitting here at Microsoft Works, pulling my hair out over an English assignment. It's driving me up the wall. I have to write an editorial on some current event, debatable situation, or news item. After several starts, I just can't seem to pull off the assignment. I started by trying to write about how America hates President Bush, and the world hates America, and everybody thinks we're policing the world. I wanted to take a stance against all this for once, and argue for America instead of against it. I gave up after a few failed paragraphs, though, and now have decided to write about how terribly corrupted America's youth is today. I want to write a moving article about the vices that most teenagers so willingly accept. I'd just love to put together a rousing rally against trendy people with their trendy rap music and their annoyingly "fashionable" clothes (what is so appealing about the color baby-blue, throwback jerseys, or $200 shoes!?) . Maddox said it best: we don't need 'metrosexual' pretty boys like Ben Affleck. We need real men, like Gregory Peck. I'm tired of seeing all these preppy pretty-boys. We need more lumberjacks and pirates. Men who wear flannel instead of cargo pants. This is what I need to stress in my argument. But how do I start it? I've given it more openings than the World's Largest Sponge, but none of them seem to fit. I know WHAT I want to fight; I just don't know HOW. So here I sit, blogging on this urlLink annoying new Blogger interface (yes, it's terrible), while listening to Aerosmith and trying to squeeze an idea out of my pea-sized brain. Speaking of Aerosmith, I just picked up their newest CD today: Honkin' On Bobo. I read about it returning to the band's roots. The songs are all bluesy-rock, and they're very well done. Aerosmith's last CD, Just Push Play, was decent. I liked it, but the novelty wore off fast. This new disc is an entirely different story. The songs are thick and dirty, and have much more heart than the crap running through our airwaves today. (Just where did AC/DC stop and "NoFX" and "Audioslave" begin? "Tantrix?" What? My God, I wouldn't be able to tell you the difference between these faceless, hyped-up numbers if a Soviet threatened to shoot me in the face with a bazooka.) Anyway, I should get back to my work now... I just have no ideas. I even had trouble writing this blog entry. Everything I say keeps feeling heartless, limp, and flat. Yaarg, I can feel myself digging deeper into the rut with every phrase I guillotine with my backspace key. Look there, I just went back and added a sentence that I missed before. I'm really off the mark tonight. Be glad I left AIM early, Mewd, else you'd get a faceful of stupid remarks and unfunny not-wit.qˆTzCurrent Song: "The Odyssey," Symphony X Current Mood: Quite productive Triumphant champion of Ithaca! Let a new life begin; this is the end of my odyssey. I stayed home from school today due to some pretty nauseating feelings last night. I felt a dash of inspiration around noon, though, and proceeded to resume work on my new site layout. Now, 4:46, four hours and forty-six minutes later, and I'm done and uploaded. I finished everything, added descriptions for all my stuff, and linked up every image and page. urlLink Go see. UPDATE: nevermind, not done. UPDATED UPDATE: Redone. Now it works just fine. Check it out.q‰TCurrent Song: "Sonne," Rammstein Current Mood: a bit down. Yeah, tonight's been odd. I finished System Shock 2, and it was great -- though the last boss wasn't as drawn out as it should have been. Aside from that, I had a lovely excursion dying miserably in Warcraft III. Lessee, I also watched a bit of the Matrix: Reloaded. Man, that Smith fight scene was spiffy. "Me, me, me." "Me, too!" Is it just me or do kids suck? A group of three five-year-olds decided to tease the dog today. They accomplished this by pounding on the bedroom window and playing "ring the doorbell then run like little five-year-olds about to receive a bloodthirsty hammer claw in the back of the neck." That game was a blast. Here's how you play by example. I hear the doorbell ring. "Who could that be?" I think to myself. I look up, and lookie there -- nobody at the door. So I get up and walk to the door, look out the window, and there's nobody there. "What gives?" I ask. Looking at the sidewalk I see three little black kids, two girls and a boy (I think) running from my steps. "So this is what we're gonna do tonight," I say to myself, and unlock the door. Next time I'll be ready. I sit back down and go back to blasting the Many into oblivion in System Shock 2. Ten minutes later, the dog starts barking. I get into position. Looking outside, I find two of the little runts walking up to the front of the house. They stand right in front of the steps and look straight up at the door. The dog is barking, so they know they're seen. Suddenly, one hoots a warcry! "Boo!" HWAH! I grab the handle and fling the door wide open. One bugger dashes. The other stands. Staring. Grinning. I glare. I close the door. I lock the door. I say, "Good riddance." So after that, they left the place alone for a while. I was still pretty worked up over it, but I probably shouldn't have been -- they were only five year olds. But they were unsupervised! Three five-year-olds, roaming the street, without a single parent watching them. Where were the parents? Why, next door, listening to some awful rap song at volume level 201. But that's entirely off the topic. Let's go back to the battle. Later on in the night, we get struck again. I hear little feet on the front porch. I get up, and make a quick Solid Snake strut to the living room. I see one advancing up the porch, turning around to look at its cronies as they cheer on its valiant efforts in budding vandalism. It reaches for the doorbell. PHWAMP! The door flies open. It stares at me. The following dialogue is not even worthy of a Battle.net player. "Can I help you?" "Yeah." "What do you need?" "Yeah." "Why are you on my porch?" "..." "What do you want?" "I want co' inside." "I'm sorry, I can't help you." "Yeah." "Please stay off my porch. Don't ring this doorbell." "Yeah." The little product of unsafe sex starts to run off the porch. No sooner was my door halfway closed -- halfway closed -- when they decide that the dog in the window wanted to be teased. She's barking, the kids are giggling, and I scream, "DO NOT AGGRAVATE MY DOG." I'm fuming. I look out the front door window to see three little cornholes rushing away from the window. The battle was over, but I was pumped. I tossed on some loud music really fast then proceeded to get offline and brood for a little while. I wanted to read but ended up just listening to Sonne and punching a pillow. I got my frustrations out, then decided to watch some of the Matrix before getting back online a short while ago. What a fun night! Before I hit the "Publish Post" button down there on my little Blogger GUI, I leave you with this thought: urlLink it doesn't get any worse than this. Notice the Christopher Snow books on the chair, and take note that they were on the table when the cat got up there. G'night.qŠT Current Song: Some stuff from Leisure Suit Larry 7 Current Mood: It's 5am. What do you think? So there I was, on my second day of summer vacation, when I realized that I had failed to blog for weeks. Not anymore. Nooonono, now I'm updating again. Lessee... what's new... oh, yeah, nothing much at all. I'm on summer vacation, which means either three months of goofing off, three months of working at a job I have yet to discover, or a nice balanced li'l mix of the two. Both have obvious merits. Either way though, I'm happy to be away from school for three months. I'm struggling lately, with work and all. Next year'll be no better, but at least I'll get a good, lengthy chunk of time in which to downgrade myself to an undereducated mass of video games and large dinners. What else is new... what else... something... hmm, I replayed Leisure Suit Larry 7 yesterday and today. Why do you care? Dunno. Oh, and I finally got UHF on DVD. I'm going to watch it tomorrow. Ahh, Weird Al filmography goodness right there, folks. "This week, on U62, he's back -- and this time, he's mad... GHANDI 2!" Sidebar has been updated according to my current boringness. And... and I guess that's all I have to say. Look, I'm not forcing you to read this dribble, you're doing it yourself.q‹T>Current Song: "Four Little Metroids," AmIEvil If you hesitate before hitting the snooze button on your alarm, are you being lazy? Good question. It's now 7:30am. No, I didn't just wake up -- I'm just now going to sleep. You know, this post used to say "7:11am," until I deleted the whole flipping thing on accident! Arrgh! Twenty minutes, dust! Hrrm. We got a lot of work done tonight on Sandwich Quest. I finished up the interior of Turnip's car, and Mewd churned out a few more descriptions. This game is really starting to take a great shape. The art is progressing nicely, the writing is, of course, hilarious, and the music is looking quite promising. In fact, Rav informed me tonight that he's already quite a ways through two songs -- Salami Mafia and the tentatively-titled Title Theme. The more we do, the more experienced and hyped up we get -- I'm honestly hoping for a fall release. At least, end of summer. I had a lot written here, and to be honest, I really don't have the heart to rewrite it. I mean, I had a good four paragraphs -- four long paragraphs. Then I hit control-z to fix a mistake, and it deleted half of my post! Very frustrating. I'll rewrite it tomorrow night, when my feelings of enthusiasm are fresh again. Sorry about this. I'm gonna go get some sleep -- not that I'll be able to; my head is throbbing from my desperate attempts to tear out my hair. Go read my profile if you're interested in learning more about me. I added a bunch of crap about myself, because obviously, if you're reading my blog, you just love to bore yourself to death. Ciao.qŒTCurrent Song: "Buy Me a Condo," Weird Al Yes, that's right. Tonight, after finishing up our work on Sandwich Quest, Mr. Ravager asked for a screenshot of our work. I sent him a demo instead. When he was finished, this exchange occured. ElRavager5: ::potential tunes begin coursing through brain:: I it's kewl with you, I'd like to try some concept BG-music... RenoSix: Wait. You mean you're willing to compose for us? Or am I just hallucinating? ElRavager5: I'd be delighted to. It's already very funny, and I'd love to try and come up with a corresponding soundtrack. RenoSix: Whooooa. This is quite a shock, as Mewd and I were just discussing how we wish we could have original music. ElRavager5: Yeah, I'd love compose for it. Most of my recent stuff has been incredibly intense, moody, and atmospherically dark. It would be a great change to do something in the humorous category. This rocks. We were needing a composer. We don't like strangers. El Ravager is no stranger. This rocks. I can't get over it. We have a team. Team. Team, team. Teaaaaam. Team. TEAM! team. Teeeeeeeaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmm... teamteam. Team. Team. 4:41am. Team. I love the sound of that. Not just "Mewd and Reno," we're now "The Sandwich Quest Team." It has such a ring. The Sandwich Quest Team. The Team. Team. Teaaaaaaaaam. That's all I have to say, though. I'm so happy. We have a composer now! And things are going so swell. Why, so swell, I think I'll post another random chat excerpt. Enjoy! Mewd6 wants to send file 1-1.wma. RenoSix: What is it from? Mewd6: Brandenburg Concerto for four Harpsichords, Strings, and Continuo one, movement one. RenoSix: Ah yes. Okay, okay, two! You earned it. Pat yourself on the back. Mewd6: Roar. I am Metal Gear Samanatha. Cower before me puny mortal and tremble before my fearsome roar.qT! Current Song: "Sweating Bullets," Megadeth I changed my layout again. Tee hee. (Remind me to never say "Tee hee" again. Ever.) Tee hee. (Ah, crap.) Let the blogging commence. Lost the old layout. It was starting to rust, and I had to let it soak in the bathtub. I have this odd feeling that my weblog is not at all exciting. There are interesting ones, like urlLink ToastyFrog and urlLink that one that Al Lowe linked to in today's CyberJoke 3000 (Top Ten Worst Album Covers Ever. Devastatin' Dave... yikes ). Then, there are boring ones, like urlLink mine . What gives? Why isn't my weblog cool? I asked a team of real scientific analysts why my blog isn't cool. After much heavy debate and research, not to mention a flat rate of $24.95, they presented me with a fifteen-page report, containing 8,000 words and four charts. Never one for reading, I leafed through it carelessly and came upon one single line that I think sums it all up perfectly. Your blog, unlike Explosive Mandolin, has no zany, random chat excerpts. Well, if it's excerpts the people want, it's excerpts they get! RenoSix: I need to have a random conversation for my blog, any ideas? Ducktor Schmitty: tuna RenoSix: TUNA My blog just got 21.2% cooler. And now, for another installment of THRILLING ADVENTURE CORNER!!!1!. I just HAD to write about this. Thrilling adventure always makes for great content. Earlier, while laying the smackdown on Don Flemenco for the second time in Punch-Out!!, I saw a little figure wobbling by my mouse. A little figure that turned out to be a small roach. Now, we don't get many roaches here. In fact, I've only killed one or two. It wasn't a hollywood cockroach, but a little one that resembled a beetle. They come around every now and then to harass me. I'm sure your house has them somewhere, too. Creepy, huh? Anyway. I told Mewd about it. He stuck beside me on my quest to find the little turd and maim it. I couldn't find it -- exposure to the light caused it to fritter away at a lightning-fast speed, and when I chased it down with my intense, heavy-duty flashlight beam, it took cover off the computer desk. I vowed to kill it before the night was up. Well, just now I was admiring my new blog layout and name, I caught out of the corner of my eye, a little figure crawling up the lamp stand. I muttered a few unkind words, spun around, grabbed the flyswatter, and did another 180 turn to the lamp. It was out of sight, on the other side of the pole. So I struck the lamp to catch the little creep's attention. It frittered around, completely unaware that I'm right handed and I had a perfect swing range. I brought down the flyswatter on that waste of life and drew the flyswatter back victoriously. I think it fell down into my fan and got diced by the blades. Flippin' insect's got nothin' on me.qŽURI'm going to keep this simple: Jessie and her family need your prayers. Thank you.qT¹Current Song: Video thinger: Weird Al interviewing Eminem And now, a dramatic reenactment. Playing the part of Eminem, El Ravager. Playing the part of Weird Al, Reno. ElRavager5: I don't see how you can't not be a fan, ya know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: *smiles and nods* Yes, I know what you're saying. ElRavager5: You know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: I know what you're saying. ElRavager5: You know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: Yes, yes, I know what you're saying. ElRavager5: You know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: ...Yes. I know what you're saying. ElRavager5: You know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: YES. I know what you're saying! ElRavager5: You know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: YES! I KNOW! I know what you're saying! ElRavager5: You know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: YES! ElRavager5: You know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: YES! ElRavager5: You know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: YEEEEEEEES!!! ElRavager5: You know what I'm sayin'? RenoSix: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!! ElRavager5: Whatever, man. There is absolutely nothing new tonight. Well, except the obvious: Rav found, and linked me to, a download of Weird Al's "interview" with Eminem a year ago. Al is a connoisseur of ripping apart real interviews and adding his own bits in the place of the questions. This makes for the greatest interview of Eminem, ever. "Well, I've been asking all the questions here, are there any questions you want to ask me?" "Y'know, how many times can you rhyme, 'tearin' me apart, breakin' my heart'?" "Well, let's see. Homer and Bart, medical chart, strawberry tart, served ala carte, back to the start, post-modern art, plastic lawn-dart, missing a part, Humphrey Bogart, lighting a fart, and blue-light specials each day at K-mart. ...Eleven!" Man, it's hilarious. In fact, it's so funny, you should watch it, too. Right click this link and click "save target as." urlLink DO IT NOW! [16mb] That's really it for tonight, though. I'm gonna go play QFG4 until 8:30. AM, of course.qT-Current Song: "Breathe," Pink Floyd Breathe. Breathe in the air. Don't be afraid to care. Why am I posting this? I dunno. I suppose just reading about urlLink Vivendi firing off 350 employees and, effectively, Sierra , has brought back a sour taste of Chainsaw Monday. Not that I care if Sierra dies, mind you. No, it's already dead. Here's my post at the QFG forum, last chance to see me there so get it while you can: I'm not that sad if Sierra disappears. Sierra disappeared five years ago. They're not the same anymore and have no value to me. It doesn't matter if Sierra falls off the map; they're not Sierra anymore, just a bunch of suits with a name that commits blasphemy against a proud legacy. It shames me to see the brand on the dozens of mediocre titles they've put out in the past few years. Though if the forum falls, that IS a pity. I grew up here. Aaaand I'll just paste in what I told Mewd to end this entry. Screw Sierra. Screw Vivendi. Screw everybody but Blizzard. Feed Blizzard grapes and give them a private harem. But screw Vivendi.q‘TÉCurrent Song: "Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White," Weird Al I can officially say that it is our anniversary. Yes, it's past midnight, which means it's now June 23rd. I've been with Jessie for a year. I still remember this day a year ago -- how anxious I was, and how we were kept waiting even longer when her mom and brother were over and taking forever to leave. But it's really hard to believe that it's already been a year. Still, it's been a very, very happy year, chock full of romantic moments -- like when my ceiling started leaking in the middle of the night while I was playing Gabriel Knight 1. Oh, or how about when she fell asleep while online and I panicked for half an hour when she wouldn't respond to anything I did? And I'll never forget the time I called her at 5:30 in the morning, apologizing for hanging up on her, when we'd actually gotten off the phone an hour and a half earlier. (Okay, well, that was just funny. I will admit.) Still, though... a year. I love her very much, and am really thankful to have such a wonderful girlfriend. But enough smarm! This is a weblog. There'll be no mushiness here! Let's cleanse your palate with a random chat excerpt. MW Expert Lud: Then I challenge you to a duel of honor! RenoSix: I'd rather have a dual of puns. It's triple the excitement, and quads of fun. MW Expert Lud: Hmm... I accept your duel. RenoSix: I hope you realize who you're dealing with. My puns have roots in all of Europe, even Tree Lanka. I have branched out all over the world, and have even had my photosynthesis taken with celebritrees. MW Expert Lud: Well, umm... darn... RenoSix: It's okay if you can't defeet me. I toed you that I was quite a phalange. MW Expert Lud: LOL RenoSix: *twirls moustache* I played through Quest for Glory 3 last night. I haven't played it in years, yet I finished it from start to finish in a sitting. Deathfoot is now in Mordavia, mingling with the townsfolk and listening to Igor's droll graveyard humor. I'm looking forward to finally playing through Quest for Glory 4, after finally urlLink defeating the numerous timer errors. It's 5:50. Why am I still awake? Have a good day, and remember: if you're not in Rav's last will and testament, you're not a popular kid.q’TÜCurrent Song: "Masquerade," Symphony X First off, apologies to all who did not see me online tonight (last night? I dunno, it is presently 6:30am). I spent six and a half hours on the phone with Jessie tonight (huzzah for 'free nights and weekends'), mostly playing GK3, partly chatting. We decided to ditch our 'competition' and, instead, play the game moreso 'together.' She restored to where I was and we started going through together. Granted, we're now sharing our progress with each other and helping each other out, but this is something we've always wanted to do -- play an adventure game together -- and GK3 gives us a great chance. We're restricting ourselves to only playing while on the phone; I still haven't caught up to her 480pts, but I'm well on my way -- I think we're around 430. Day 2, 5pm - 10pm. It's really getting good, I must say, though awfully creepy. SPOILER: Man, Prince James' agents being murdered was a huge surprise. Jess and I both have theories about what happened. Jeez, that word really gets around in this game -- theory. There, no eyes harmed who haven't played the game. Just highlight that huuuuge blank space for things not fit for print. More cool blank space! Aside from GK3 and QFG5 (whom I have been neglecting, I'm sorry, Silmaria), I can't say things have been at their hottest lately. I've been reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy a LOT lately. I haven't read it in years, and it's really great stuff. I'm already halfway through the first book in the trilogy (note: yes, Jessie, a trilogy *can* have five books. You're just anal, that's all.) and it hasn't slowed down yet. I'm rather enjoying the book -- and why shouldn't I? It's the Hitchhiker's Guide! I have been in the midst of a problem. A crisis of sorts if you want to get melodramatic. I spoke with Rav about it... two nights ago was it? I don't remember, these summer days are a blur. Anyway, this has really suddenly sprung up, and I don't like it. It's an old fear of mine, really, and it's been stuck on me for as long as I can remember. (I'm not stalling or setting up for some big comedic joke, just giving you some backstory. Like you care.) I've always been afraid of turning eighteen; not because that's when I 'start' on my life or because I go out on my own or because of college or anything like that. I must admit, to all of you who I've mentioned my fears of getting older -- I've been feeding you a white lie this whole time. No, the real reason I'm so anxious and restless about turning eighteen, despite it being nine months away, is because I've always had a fear, a phobia if you will, of being drafted into the Army. Silly, isn't it? That's what I've convinced myself, but I'm afraid that with our recent war thing and all, by April of '05 they'll be needing to recruit more soldiers and thus, will delve into America's lazy, Gen-X youth. I know, it's a very silly thing to worry over, as there hasn't been a draft for a long, long time. It's just that, well, I've always had a feeling that by the time I turn eighteen they'll be in a war and in need of more support. Jessie insists that I have nothing to worry about, and Rav doubts I need to be concerned. The rest of you I've been silent about my problem to, either because you won't care or because I don't want to bugger you with my petty worries because I've thrown my burdens onto you one-too-many times (this only applies to one of you and urlLink you know who you are ). I just... I really don't know. I don't know what to make of my worries. The one thing I've been dreading more than anything all of my life is conscription into the military. I mean it. If it wasn't for that, I'd be perfectly secure in my future. To be honest, though? I think this is God's way of convincing me that I need to attend college. I've shrugged it off with many, many petty excuses -- I don't need it. I can't afford it. I can live without it. I don't want to go to school for another four years. Every time I make one of these stupid, insignificant excuses, I cringe and realize that I'm stalling. God knows this. He knows my problems and struggles. He's also guiding me through them. I have no excuse against college anymore, and I know it. I'm no longer going to reply "College? Nah." It's college all the way for me. I really do need it, despite my reluctance, and it'll excuse me from being drafted. I don't know if I'll be able to afford it, but there are grants and student loans. God'll protect me. I know it. Why should I have any reason to fear? Really, why? The hand of God is covering me and shielding me; His gift of everlasting love, peace and grace is plentiful and mine for the taking, so why should I hold back? It's like the old hymn; "What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grieves to bear..." Anyway, I don't want to get overly zealous here -- and I have some reading to do. All of you, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Pray for my peace. The more I write and think about my discussion with Jessie over the topic, the more rest and ease I feel. How great God is.q“U†I dropped a Skittle before. My cat kept intercepting my hand when I tried to pick it up. I eventually saved it though, so don't worry.q”THCurrent Song: "I Believe," Diamond Rio There's some recent confusion over whether or not I am really me. These rumors are false and must be put to rest! I can't have the general public believing that I am not, in fact, really Ric Carnahan as I claim to be. Imagine the controversy! Imagine the slanderous political mud-slinging movies! I don't need "Celcius 4/8" riding my coat tails. I am here to dispell these crazy myths. urlLink AMAZING PROOF TO CONTRADICT YOU AND YOUR SILLY RUMORS. GO HOME. Now that that's settled, on to more pressing business. I had chicken parmesian tonight. It was really good. But the parmesian tasted a little like cheese. I didn't like that. Actually, the food wasn't that good. I wanted my money back, but I just got a rolling pin across the back of my head with a shouting, shrieking voice yelling "THIS IS ALL j00 WILL GET!! LOSER!!" Yeah, sometimes my mom is mean like that. Oh! The little voice in the back of my head just reminded me NOT to forget this time: 4pm - 6pm in GK3! * Hoozah! Hoozah on highest! I will solve the mystery! The mystery of... of the mystery of the GK3! Also, I lied about that Hamlet thing, Shakespeare didn't write that. I couldn't sleep last night because I was so sad that I lied to you. I'm sorry. *I just realized while proofreading this entry after posting it (I like my blog to be done professionally, I actually released about 4 patches for "WOW! Another triple negative!" but you didn't see them because they were invisible ) that I made a really funny joke. I said "NOT to forget this time:" and I meant, not to forget on this occasion, but I said "NOT to forget this time:" and then listed a TIME, and that made it look like I was saying that I wasn't going to forget the time I put down. Hoo that was funny. I think we've all become a better person after I made such a wily joke.q•UHI'm on Day 1, 2pm - 4pm in Gabriel Knight 3! WOO! YEAAAAH! GO SPORTS!!q–TCurrent Song: urlLink "F!$# You Very Much," Eric Idle Do not click that link if you're easily offended. Should you be, in fact, easily offended and you click that link, your head will explode. You heard me, it will blow clean off. Really. -~- It's 7:05. I've been up all night talking to Rav. And now, I have a headache. Thanks, Rav. I'm going to tell everybody that El Ravager gives headaches for free. Heck, then when you start charging for them, it'll be false advertising and the FCC will kill you. No, seriously, folks, he doesn't give headaches, just stomachaches. You may have noticed an abundance of references to Rav. This is because it's become a disturbing trend for him and me to stay awake until around 7 my time (4 his time, mwahaha, I just gave away that you really live in Australia, bet you're mad now) talking about random things. Go complain to him that your regular blog content has been made 5% more interesting. I know you all expect bores by the bushel, but as long as I have a friend, I will not give you the bore you desire! I shall not! I swear it! And I mean it! Okay! Okay! Maybe once more for old times sake! *ahem* A reading from Shakespeare's "Hamlet II: The Robots from Space." "Sayest thou, my laser doth not charge? What be a man, nor the measure of a robot, should his laser not chargeth!?" The Psychotron reareth his head to the maidens on Phobos and declareth his vows. "Eenie meenie mynie moe," sayeth he, "To catcheth a tiger, be thou grabbing by his toe? Nay, say I, nay! Thy hands show the proliferation of a century!" Depressed and being in the placementeth of boredom, the Psychotron turned round when Lo! There came a bright light from on high, and when he doth walk into it, he realizeth that Lady MuckBreath had turnethed on the Mega Flashlight...q—UkLadies and gentlemen, for your enjoyment: urlLink urlLink Blind Lemon Yankovic [325k] Enjoy hugely.q˜T Current Song: "Valley of the Damned," Dragonforce Well, blogheads, things haven't been at their height lately. I was going strong with rapid updates for a while, but I've sorta dropped off the map for a few days. Why? Read on and find out. First, I should probably explain my last entry -- things are really hectic with Jessie. I won't go into details out of respect for her and her family, but, well, let's put it this way -- her grandma, after some really unfortunate consequences, is barely hanging on to life. She was bleeding internally, and, while she was given a month, she's barely lasted a few days after they discovered it. Jessie's been really strong, though, and I'm proud of her. This has caused quite a bit of unrest and grief -- so much that progress on Sandwich Quest has halted temporarily. Well, I can't pin it all on the morbid situation in Indiana -- Mewd's been having some awful connection problems and I went onto a Quest for Glory kick the night I mentioned beating QFG3. I beat QFG4 the other night, though, for the first time ever, and am now on QFG5. Deathfoot the Wizard is on the third Rite of Rulership, and has plans to defeat the vile Hydra once and for all! Or not. Also: I started up Gabriel Knight 3 the other night, and have since been juggling between Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned and Dragon Fire. Man, GK3 is one tough adventure game. For all you sports fans keeping tabs at home (read: 0), I'm on Day 1, 12pm - 2pm. I was stuck for a couple nights (mornings? What a schedule) in the first time block, but I finally managed to trigger the next one. I'm having a good time, though. GK3 isn't nearly as bad as I expected gameplay-wise. The camera gimmick takes some getting used to, but it works very well. I'm content with it, and having a blast. It's really amazing the amount of true history that Jane Jensen incorporated into the game; I never thought France could be so interesting. And it's even moreso intriguing that Rennes le Chateau is a real place. And I'll admit, Tim Curry isn't too bad as Gabriel... but Dean Erickson is still the real Gabriel Knight. I insist on it. Mewd, Rav, you can say what you want. By the way, check this out: urlLink Andy Kaufman Returns This fellow imitates Andy Kaufman for a big elaborate hoax stating that he's really alive and never died of cancer. It's obviously a hoax, isn't it? I'm glad we agree. Now click on the "Comments" link under any of the posts and take a look at how unbelieveably gullible people are. I mean, just when I thought my fellow man had reached the bottom of the barrel with rap music, they go and pull this on me. I'm ashamed to be human. My closing thought: I'll never be able to ride the Millennium Force at Cedar Point. I'm too tall. Seriously. The seatbelts were designed for dwarves or something, because people over 6'2", I think, won't fit under the restraints. Pity. Oh well -- not like I intend on going outside any time soon anyway. I'm off to make a triumphant return into Rennes le Chateau. Later, potater. Epic metal rules!q™T³Current Song: "Theme from Spy Hard," Weird Al It's 7:40am. Remember that bit about having to wake up at 8:30? I actually just woke up an hour earlier. That is how awesome I am. Haha, just kidding! Funny joke. Actually, I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A SPORK-LOVING HOUR OF SLEEP! Bah! Bah bah bah! I finally settled down into bed around 1 or so after talking to Jessie for a while and packing up my stuff. I had my dog with me, and around 1:20, I fell asleep. At 2, I woke up. I was burning up (why did I put on a blanket with furface lying against my legs and no fan on? Gee I'm dumb) and had a stomachache. A removal of all things blankety and a quick trip into the bathroom relieved my troubles, so I settled back onto the mattress. At around 4, I had enough of lying around and got some apple pie. I ate, drank, and got back into bed. Nothing. Finally, around 5:30, I drifted for about twenty minutes (I don't remember what episode of Cheers it was, so I must've slept), then woke up. I turned off the TV after Nick at Nite went off the air and decided to try listening to my GK3 soundtrack to calm my nerves. I got through it one and a half times before deciding that enough was enough. I got up, thoroughly angry, and plopped onto the couch. It was there on the couch, with cat cuddled to my chest, that I decided: I'm going to call Dad at about 8 and ask him to pick me up at 12 instead of 9. I need the sleep, man... I NEED THE SLEEP! Holy crap, I am so out of it, but I have insomnia! I have flippin' insomnia! I am extremely tired. I can feel myself flop down into any chair, bed, or couch I sit in. I'm barely aware of what I'm doing. I don't know what to do! I tried everything. I mean, EVERYTHING. I even counted sheep. You heard me -- I counted sheep. As a testament to how tired and barely focused I am, I went from 59 to 100 before realizing that I accidentally gave 60 a miss, then later on, counted from one hundred twenty-nine to one hundred twenty-ten. Come on, look at me! I'm a mess! But I can't sleep! urlLink Curse you, Neptune! Blarg. I'm going to play TimeSplitters 2 while I wait for mom to come home so I can call Dad. I need sleep. I need it baaaad. Hmm, I also need breakfast. Maybe I'll get some.qšT¶ Current Song: Gabriel Knight 3 soundtrack Yeah, finished GK3 the other night (July 7). Jessie and I both played to completion together, from 480 points to the bitter end. Not in one night, mind you, but it wasn't until around 480 that we decided to team up and tackle it together rather than compete. The game was VERY good, though frustrating often. There were a couple of creepy parts -- like exploring Montreaux's attic, and seeing Mallory and McDoogal slain on the rocks, not to mention seeing those visions and the pools of blood by every murder scene -- but you know, overall, the game wasn't so bad. I'd say that GK2 probably creeped me out more, maybe because of the fact that FMV gaming lends to realism. But I have to say, Le Serpent Rouge is incredible. Man, I feel bad for all you people avoiding the spoilers because you can't play the game. You must think there's something really, really interesting in there, but you can't bear to highlight the text and read it! By the way, this isn't actually a spoiler, but I feel like being a jerk. Wasn't that part GREAT!? I totally didn't see it coming! Yes, yes. Enough on GK3. I actually started writing this post an hour ago, but then I started to get sidetracked reading urlLink How Much is Inside at urlLink Cockeyed.com . Great, great website. It looks like the inspiration from another old favorite of mine, urlLink AllTooFlat . Pick one and go to it. No, in fact, go to both! You owe it to yourself to at least check out ATF's Lion and Crossing Man pranks, and Cockeyed's Paparazzi halloween costume. Science geeks can be fun! Startlingly bad transition from humorous to serious topics!: Jessie's grandmother passed away on July 3rd. This afternoon marked the funeral. Thanks to all my blog readers, gullible as you are for actually buying into this whole "Ric's life" thing, that prayed for her and remembered her family. She appreciates it very much. I would say more, but as before, I'll keep it at that out of respect. So I'm going to dad's house tomorrow morning. This is not good. I love my dad and enjoy visiting, but... I have to get up at 8:30. What am I, insane? 8:30? No, no, completely true. It sucketh. BUT! I can manage. By the time I get home on Sunday, Rav's package, chock full of all the Weird Al CDs I could ever want, will have arrived, and I'll be basking in the glory of CDs-I-currently-only-have-on-cassette. Man, cassette sucks. This is especially for you, cassette nerds: your medium sucks! Aahahaha! L0sers! LOL n00bs! Also -- "Weird Al" Yankovic - The Ultimate Video Collection rocks. This is all I can say about such a breathtaking masterpiece of stereophonic sound spectacular. Anyway, before I go and end this blog entry, a crime scene revealed its ugly head the other day and I need your help in discovering the hideout of the perp. I was here at the computer, minding my own business, when I looked over, and, well... it's gruesome, but... here's what I saw. If anybody has any ideas as to the whereabouts of this vicious killer knife, Henry the Hellbleeder, please disclose all tips and tricks to me. Murderers of innocent aluminum must be stopped! Isn't that little supernova flashy effect on the blade cool? I did that myself.q›U±Current Song: "Awakenings," Symphony X I could have SWORN I just heard Dr. Phil tell a lady "With great power comes great responsibility." Now where have I heard that before?qœTÀ Current Song: "Mr. Popeil," Weird Al And now, for another installment of THRILLING ADVENTURE CORNER!!!1!. I was lying in bed last night (this morning?) when I realized that I hadn't written about this in my last post, so I have to do it now. So I was on the phone with The Rav last night when I glanced over and saw a roach climbing the privacy curtain on my door. He was of a good size, and ON MY FRICKIN' DOOR. Now, naturally, when I see one of these buggers, I tend to shoot my glance around my immediate area to find something that suits the slaughter. I was about to grab my mouse's wrist pad to crush him, but then I saw him: Henry the Hell-Bleeder. Despite his controversy in the vicious murder of those Mountain Dew cans, Henry's not a bad guy. Sure, he tends to be dangerous, and, actually, quite sharp, but he's used his amazing superpowers for good before. In fact, a nice example of this is last night. Funny story: I actually had to pull the impaled can off of his blade because it had been on there ever since snapping the photo. Okay, it wasn't that funny. So I grab Henry, explaining to Rav the direness of my situation. Then, wielding Henry in my right hand, I slashed at the beast. Several times. Let me tell you, I put medieval knights to shame. Actually, I think it's more like: I give medieval knights shame. I missed. Many times. In fact, I think the roach was more afraid of the thunderous crash of steel on door rather than the impending doom of a sharpened blade swinging above its doomed person. It scampered about worriedly, always in the opposite direction of the last place I lowered the knife. Finally, the shockwaves dislodged it from the curtain and the creep fell to the floor. Mr. Rav witnessed my cunning fumbling tendancies with a sharp object as I sliced time after time at the roach, eventually crippling it. Henry tasted blood as he made a nice, clean laceration through the center of the bug. It was quite a sight. Of course, the insect was still wriggling, and now it was on the toe of one of my slippers. I didn't want it to get away. It had already almost scampered to safety upon plummeting to the ground, and I wasn't about to mark this down as a missed opportunity to actually kill something with my dagger. So rather than swipe and slash blindly and risk ruining my slipper, I angled the blade and smushed that sucker with the side. Let me tell you, I've never been happier to see roach entrails. Henry was victorious! Viva la revolucion!qTï Current Song: "Gotta Boogie," Weird Al Technical date: 7/13 Renoish date: 7/12 Hey, sports fans, welcome to the weblog. Today's been a solidly awesome day. You know how I can prove this? When I woke up, there was a cold Coke in the fridge. You know how long it's been since I've had a real Coke? Nearly two months. I had one at my rich uncle's house, but oddly -- and I'm not exaggerating -- the Coke they have there always, ALWAYS tastes Diet. I think it has to do with the fact that he has more money than humanly necessary. You know how I can prove THIS? He has eleven bathrooms. If I'm exaggerating, it's only barely. So after inhaling the Excellent Soda Coke (Double Fine fans, accept this generous injoke), I went on to enjoy a way-cool day. You heard me -- way-cool. I phoned up my buddy Rav and proceeded to make his ears bleed for five hours. That was a lot of fun. I've never, EVER taken part of that many Weird Al references via voice. Heck, I think our back and forth reference-battling has even toppled our online reference-battling. Ah, well, what can I say? I'm just Such a Groovy Guy. If you don't agree with me, tough -- Everything You Know Is Wrong. I would stop my incessant referecing, but why should I stop now? Look, I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead. Maybe I'm just a Couch Potato, but you can stop me by watching The Brady Bunch. Come on, I Can't Watch This! It saddens me that they even bothered putting it on Cable TV, let alone let the entire block watch it on Frank's 2000" TV. For what it's worth, maybe I'm just Addicted to Spuds, but that's what happens when you're Young, Dumb and Ugly -- you tend to Dare to be Stupid and use Ebay even more than Eddie Vedder. Oh crap, Why Does This Always Happen to Me? I'm on a tangent. I'd better stop before I start talking about how It's All About the Pentiums. El Ravager now hates me. And this is at 8:30 in the morning! (By the way, speaking of, my visit with Dad went just dandily. I called, left a message on his voice mail, then held my breath as I waited for his return phone call. He ended up returning at noon, just as I requested -- I then went and fixed his computer, then spent a wonderfully listless night trying to sleep on the couch, waking up every hour to another rerun of Full House. But his computer is mostly fixed! It still freezes horribly, sadly, but I worked around this problem by installing urlLink Mozilla Firefox on his computer instead of Internet Explorer. Seems there's a bug in IE or something that's causing a huge conflict with his computer, because when I cut off its circulation, freezing was no longer an issue. Oh well, Firefox rules anyway. But other than that, everything's awesome and spiffy on his PC. Sucky thing. Don't buy anything from Hewlett Packard unless it's a printer.)qžThMysticalDreams83 (3:57:45 AM): I think I might go to bed... ElRavager5 (3:57:09 AM): I hate to bail so early, but I think I'm going to go to bed. Being tired, an' all that... Mewd6 (3:57:52 AM): And now I sleep. Separate people. Separate IMs. What the crap. (Despite having stuff to talk about, I'm dodging it this post. Why? BECAUSE I CAN! Neener neener!)qŸTŒCurrent Song: "I Hate Everything," George Strait Got office chair? urlLink I sure do. So Blogger has this new WYSIWYG bit. I don't know how much I like it. I mean, it's actually really great, because it allows for people without much experience to edit their weblog without needing to know HTML (read: wimps). But I demand hardcode-ability! I'm an HTML veteran, I don't need these easy versions. I type out my code by hand! I'm a MAN! Woof! Grrr! Right. Lessee, I should probably tell you that last week I went to my Uncle's house for two nights and had a blast. Wings and steak by day, movies and popcorn by night. Watched the western Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia Thursday night and Rocky IV Friday night. Both really good movies. (Great, my dog just got up and tossed her cookies for no apparent reason. And we're out of paper towels.) Other'n that, we had a lot of fun. Lots of good conversation, and I managed to fix all their computer problems for them. I r00lz. Man, I wish we had some paper towels. Hmm, let's see, other than that... oh, we went to the library the other day. That was great. I picked up a whole lotta cool stuff. *'s next to things I needed for research for my newest novel (i.e. it was either a book on the 40's or a film noir). Books: The Age of Doubt: American Thought and Culture in the 1940's* DVDs: The Man Who Wasn't There* The Third Man* Monty Python's Life of Brian Big Trouble Office Space VHS: Touch of Evil* The Big Sleep* Detour* Monty Python's Flying Circus vol3 Exciting, huh?! Yeah, I know, you're thrilled. The story's doing well, of course, though I need to finish up the plot. It'll probably be set around 1948... good old fashioned film noir detective story. No, not a Sherlock Holmes-esque bit, I'm talking film noir. Black film. Struggling private eyes, seductive femme fatales, crooked cops, shady characters, underhanded criminals, blackmail whitefemale*, betrayal, disguise, and deceit -- the works, baby. Best kind of movie out there if you ask me. A rainy night, a down-on-his-luck private dick, a damsel with a request, a twisted world where nothing is what you think it is... ohhh yeah, my kind of story. It's a thrill to be writing one of these. By the way, I've only watched The Man Who Wasn't There and The Third Man since my trip to the library on Wednesday. The Third Man is a classic noir -- wonderful, wonderful story and dialogue and whatnot. I'd seen it before, and so I knew what to expect, but the DVD was remastered and all that and presented a brilliant reparation of the old film. I wouldn't mind owning that movie, to be honest. The Man Who Wasn't There was disappointing. I mean, it was a great movie, but some of Billy Bob Thornton's acting was overdone (he was supposed to play a quiet barber, but he played a TOO quiet, wooden barber), and a few sequences were rushed. Awesome twist at the end, though. This movie was the perfect example of the essence of noir: a sneaky proposition, a risky chance, and from there, a downhill mudslide. I felt very bad for Ed Crane: he only wanted an escape from the mundane, but a few baaad decisions made his life turn upside down and then fed it to a kraken. Like I said, it's really a great movie and I have nothing against it -- but I was expecting a lot more than what was presented to me. My expectations WERE rather high, though. Anyhow, I'm off now. Mewd is typing something, and I don't know what it is. Wait, no, he sent the IM. Nevermind. G'night, folks! Don't go jumping into any spider webs or getting your limbs deattached by a sneaky government contract. *Inside joke that you won't understand unless your name backwards is regavar le.q TÕ Today,....... hmmm. What to say about today, and whatever else has happened since my last post. I cant say anything here that would make up for whatever it is that ive done in the period of time prior to this entry. Im not going to call attention to anything that is particularly depressing tonight. Im done with that. Im not going to let myself feel guilty for something that i 'did' that doesnt require an action. I apologize, but i wont let myself feel bad. Thats the way ive decided i want to live my life, and thats how i will. Anyways, Neal and I took Emily out for lunch today as a late birthday lunch. We partook in various Italian festivities while dining at Joe's, and somehow started the day long conversation of "What are cars named after?" What in the hell is an Alero? Montero? Vue? Nobody knows. Anyways, after lunch, we all rode in Neal's car to Baskin Robbins, because 1) Emily wanted to go there, and 2) She didnt want to drive in the 'rain'. When we arrived, we deliberated upon which flavor of ice cream we wished to consume. Since im boring, and according to them, i like no food, ever, (but i am a fan of racism and Nazi's appearantly...), that i decided to just stick with the cookie's and cream. They on the other hand had to take the purity and wonder that is ice cream, and crush it beneath neal's (terribly clothed) legs of justice. They decided to buy " X-MINT." Some lame flavor to celebrate a far more amazing piece of cinematography. Ok, here's putting it lightly. It was the most unappetizing looking substance in the history of mankind. It was black, yes black, tar black even, and a dark blue. It looked like bubblegum on black top. Disgusting. So of course, they eat it, completely content that im totally and entirely disgusted by it, and then we decide to go roaming. The first stop, " Cascades...." (in a whisper). Then around the Krispy Kreme parking lot. We saw a lot of nice houses, we gawked, and continued wondering what car names meant. Is a Grand Cherokee a really really really awesome Native American? Anyways, Emily had to go to work, so Neal came over and hung out for a while. We did nothing. For an excrutiatingly long period of time. Then Neal wanted to set up my bench press rack thing, which then involved rearranging my entire game room in order to do so. With that finished, and the clock reaching 9:30, Neal decided he was hungry, so he left. I didnt eat. James came home from Las Vegas later, and brought me some stuff. I smiled, its awesome stuff. And now im here, talking to my cousin from California online. Its been a great day, a simply fantasmic day. Nothing can bother me as of this moment. Oh yea, and Jeff didnt come to my house at 12:45 to get some blank cds without his parents knowing on a bike, in case you were wondering if anything of the sort occurred, because it didnt. Well, im done typing useless banter for now, ill probably resume that task later... Song of the Day: A Beautiful Day, by U2 Quote of the Day: "What in the hell is an Accord?" Neal...q¡TÐ Well, today wasnt very exciting. My mom had a root canal today, so, to put it lightly, she's not in the best of moods. She's not pissy or anything, just in pain, and i cant blame her. Anything that has to do with teeth is pretty much unjustifiable by medicinal reasons, and is almost always unbearable. Ive been trying to help her out all day. It made me really realize how much she does around the house, its crazy. I love my mother, as do most of my friends. She's adopted half of them, and she's always so cool about having people hang out over here. She's the coolest. Anyways, i was listening to music, (quietly), and just decided to download the most random stuff ever. Stuff that would irritate the hell out of most people. Can anyone say, "Im a punk rocker.."? Ugh... Yea, she dont know no David Bowie, no Sex Piestols, she's like 17, they're like 100. Anyways, i was listening to one of Avril's songs, and i just kinda noticed how during parts of the song, she sounds just like Ashley Elgie. Im serious. Listen to "Im with you", (for as long as you can stand it), and think about how Ashley sounds, its like exactly the same. Anyways, we didnt end up getting any pictures of Toby and his yellow diaper of justice, i wish we wouldve, but the memories will last forever. Haha, still funny... Oh yea, Michael and Jeff came over the day before yesterday, we hung out, it was pretty cool. Michael and I got pissed that Jeff was so good at Clone Wars, i was about to strangle the kid. We were P-I-S-E-D...... Pised? Im taking Emily out for her birthday tomorrow for lunch, anywhere she wants. She's not doing a good job deciding where she wants to go though. Hmmm, i played some more Metroid Prime today. Im still afraid of Meta-Ridley. Im pretty much afraid of that whole game, i dont really know why, cause its not scary. Ill probably try and finish it tomorrow. After lunch, if Emily ever makes up her mind. Jeff leaves friday, ill have another less person to talk to/hang out with, itll be sad. Meh, he'll have a good time in the north. I talked to a girl that i like today, we're gonna hang out some day next week. She's gonna stop by after she gets done doing her extensive cross country mandatory workout. Hopefully itll be a good time and i wont just be retarded. Im feeling unusually content right now. Pretty much everybody i know, or care about at the moment, is happy. Its awesome how summer does that to people. My views on unhappy people are that they shouldnt keep hanging out with people that: A) Make them unhappy, or B)Are also unhappy. Im in a great mood, i have plans to do stuff this week and weekend. Itll be a good time. Haha, south park is a funny show, i just remembered a quote from the episode, "Asspen". A ski instructor was telling the boys how to ski, and he used the pizza and french fries analogy. "If you pizza when you shouldve french fried, you're gonna have a bad time. If you forget to pizza, you're gonna have a bad time." "When are we supposed to be having a good time?" Haha, download it, its priceless. U2 is one of the greatest bands of all the world. I hope Bono beats out the Pope for the Nobel Peace Prize. Haha. Also, you should listen to the solo that Mista Martinez wants me to play, its not possible. Carnival of Venice is the name of Satan himself. Download, and begin to cry immediately. Anyways, im done doing my rambling for the night. Song of the Day: Im With You, by the Punk Rocker, AVRIL Quote of the Day: "I dont remember Pete being like that, kids, get the horseshoes..."q¢TáHappy Birthday to Shauna!!!!!!! Oh, and by the way, what happened yesterday, all that talk, i was just in an extremely bad mood. Don't worry or anything, its all good. I had a lesson today, i sucked. Maybe i should practice...... I did get to see Mr. M's braces though. You can't even see them practically, its not fair. Anyways, im better than him at the moment, it made me smile. Anyways, people are coming over to hang out tonight, and my family is now gone. Hooray! If you want to hang out, just show up, its all good. It'll be a fun time. Tell Shauna Happy Birthday, or else. Ill update again later, with something happier, i promise. I need to go run or something, anything that makes you happy. Song of the Day: Everybody Hurts, by REM Quote of the Day: "I just dont think she couldve done it, i mean, excersise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy. Happy people just dont kill their husbands. They just dont." Elle Woods from Legally Blonde (Actually Reese Witherspoon)q£TI am a selfish, heartless, proud, independent bastard. Its official. I think ive managed to piss every last one of my friends off in the past month. I love the fact that i dont know what im doing to anybody either. I pissed off jacob earlier, i dont know how or why, i was reading what he was saying, trying to really absorb it, and i was doing other things, like check and write e-mail, and he gets all angry because i didnt respond or anything or whatever. I dont know, i dont even know who im typing this to. I dont have any friends who read this anyways. So its just me, feeling sorry for myself as usual, but of course, i wont burden you with my problems, heaven forbid that i concern you with anything that has to do with my god forsaken life. I really do admire jacob for trying to help me tonight, trying to convince me im no burden, but if im not, then why did he get offline in a rage. I want to know the logic behind that one. I wonder if i have any sharp knives in my house... My head still hurts. I wish i could make somebody happy. Just at least one person, thats all i want. To make somebody truly happy for once. I want to be able to make somebody cry or pass out, or faint, or just fall over giddy in glee and joy. I could care less how i feel at that moment, but i just want somebody to be happy by my hands. Maybe Jacob is right, maybe i should open up more. But then again, what is this, pretty much open to me. Its not like i expect anybody to solve my problems. Thats the reason for why i dont even ask for help. I wonder why i feel the way i do sometimes. At least everybody else pretends they're happy most of the time. I was told tonight that i scare a lot of my friends, and that i make people worry. I feel awful. My head hurts, maybe ill do something to stop the pain....q¤T Yep, im in a super terrible mood/mindset today. I just feel like "whats the point". A friend of mine, who's been very awesome to me lately, summed it up well. He said i was apathetic, and i replied by saying that caring about everything has brought me this far, why not try a change. He knows me so well, he knows my feelings, he knows what kind of person i am, and i wonder how he knew that stuff while i sit here confused as to why i cant even bring myself to go up stairs like normal people, or stop counting things. I've had a lot of headaches lately. I've been around too many people and heard too many thoughts the past couple of days. My head hurts now. You wouldnt understand what its like to have to focus on what you are thinking about personally. Nevermind, i dont want to get into that. My problem is that i care about people, and i dont want them to care too much about me. I feel bad when i tell people my problems, because i dont want to cause any distraction in their life by forcing them to concern themselves with mine. I feel bad for making people talk to me about my problems because i know that whatever is bothering me has affected somebody else too. My head hurts. If you were here right now, i would know what you thought of this, and i would also know how confused you were while you read. Maybe ill tell you if you ask me what this means, but you wont believe me, its stupid to me. Im glad i have good friends, 2 mainly who both stayed up late to talk to me even though they have drumline camp tomorrow. I appreciate people, i just dont know why they appreciate me so much. My head hurts. Song of the Day: Cross My Heart, by The Rocket Summer Quote of the Day: Any of the humorous things i felt or heard from people ive been around all weekend. True Friends: Ryan and Jacobq¥TCI leave today for my family reunion. Hooray... Meh, itll be alright. My family isnt as dysfunctional as some. It'll be a good time. Well, ill need to hang out with people upon my return, so keep your schedules open. I wont be online, or updating for a couple of days... and ill be bored. But, hopefully, my family will keep my occupied and in a good mood. Im happy now, i dont want that to stop. Song of the Day: Die Another Day, by Madonna Quote of the Day: "Can you say banana?" "No!" Can you say no again?" "(no reply)". My baby cousin, and my step-dad. Mystery Count: 4 daysq¦TlFamily! So many family members here today. Kinda a good time most of the time, but there's always the down bringers. The baby is cute, but its louder than Coach Horton, (if you remember him), and enjoys screaming, kicking, and breaking things. My cousins from California came down too, they're super awesome, and so "hip", (there's that word again), cause they live near Hollywood... or not so much the hipness. Meh, either way, it was a good time, much fun was had by all. My friends are still great, i just feel terrible for not being able to see Emily on her big day of birth. Most of the people i know are happy at this moment, which in turn makes me ecstatic. I feel great when everyone around me feels good. I could most of the time care less whats going on in my own life as long as the people i care for are alright. Wow, Conan was freakin hilarious tonight, haha, Wrist Hulk, haha, so funny. There's not a whole lot on my mind tonight. Im not still laughing right now, because toby got his diaper off, and we didnt get any pictures, sadly enough. I got to bed at 6:30 AM last night, and got up at 10, so needless to say, im a tid bit on the tired side, so ill probably get going soon. Song of the Day: Rest In Pieces, by Saliva Quote of the Day: "Yea, i worked with a guy named Mofuck once. Whenever i would be showing people around the office, he would intentionally find me and make me introduce him. So i would be all, "Hey..... Mofuck!" and of course i would recieve an assortment of dirty looks. At least its better than when i worked with Likshit." My cousin from California.... OMG, funniest thing ever!!! Mystery Count: 3 daysq§U‘TODAY IS EMILY'S BIRTHDAY! WOO HOO! wOOt WooT ^^! RAISE THE ROOF! EVERYBODY WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, (or suffer the dire consequences), HOORAY!q¨T+I just got done talking to Ryan. He's an amazing guy that one. We talked for hours on end about everything. Im considering him one of my great friends now, because he's done so much for me. I feel great now, probably primarily because i talked to him, and even started to open up about things that i normally try to avoid. I feel indebted to him because of the impact he's had on my life so far. Anyways, its early/late, and im in a fantastic mood. Just thought id write something out. I wonder if anybody is reading this. But thanks Ryan, you're awesome.q©TcWow, its been an exciting night. You have no idea. Ok, so, i hang out all day, doing nothing, cousins are on their way, and my family has ordered pizza. While we all eagerly await our nourishment, (not so much me, because my teeth hurt like no other), we see a car pull up in front of our house. Excited that we now have food, my family gets up off of their butts, (hard to do), and go look outside, and who other than Mrs. Peek walks to the door. After talking to Kacy's mom for a little while, (who is a pretty hip and cool person, thats right, i said hip), we go back inside to continue waiting for pizza. When our pizza finally arrives, (which is hand tossed, which we all dislike), we eat, and then begin a whole new round of waiting, this time for our cousins. After they arrive, and exchange hugs and news from our lives, we hear the pleasant sound of children crying and dogs yelping. Oh yes, how pleasantly relaxing it was. Anyways, Toby, (my dog), returns from meeting the DOBERMAN that lives down the street, with a big happy giddy BLOODY smile. So we pack him up in towels and throw him in the car and head out for a vet that is open at 9 PM. After locating one, we go inside, toby dripping everywhere and I without shoes, to see the doctor, who by some odd chance of luck and amusement, has a MULLET, multi-colored frog scrubs, and an earring on his left ear. Many laughs i had in the car on the way home. Anyways, after Toby got his 3 staples for his LACERATION, and a big stupidly hilarious looking yellow diaper for his punctures, (haha, so funny looking), we returned home, where Toby then does not move after being placed on the ground again. He doesnt move at all, not even a step, its so funny. And now im here, still laughing at Toby's rediculous diaper. Haha, you have to see it, ill take pictures. Anyways, thats all for today, im done, and thats the extent of my day.qªT›Hmm, thought for the day, i need to do something with my hair, it needs a change. I know i promised somebody that i would grow it out, but im just looking for an idea of what to do. Give me some suggestions, or else you'll be forced to look at the terrible mess on top of my neck, (no, not my face, there's nothing i can do about that). Tell me what i should do. My cousins come in from Lubbock, yes the huge famous exciting fast paced headlining city of Lubbock, today and they are some of my favorite relatives. All of my favorites live far away, i wonder if thats a coincidence... Anyways, im looking forward to seeing them. You should stop by and meet them, they're awesome, and they have a baby and a really awesome daughter. If you stop by, it might also give them the illusion that i have friends, haha. Anyways, i just felt like posting something, oh, and funny thing said today... "HopeToBeAnAggie: i wasnt trying to kill you hotstuff793: i know HopeToBeAnAggie: i just hit you in the face with a pool toy, and almost drowned you hotstuff793: LOL HopeToBeAnAggie: that's not attempted homicide HopeToBeAnAggie: just being really mean" Yep, Cassie's great, if you disagree, i dont care, she's cool to me. If you get a personal quote in here, it means something, so feel proud if you do. Hooray for family reunions this weekend... oh wait, no. SO MANY SMALL CHILDREN. Im not a big fan of the tiny children, but whatever, its only for like 2 days. Well, im out of things to say, may post something later after day 1 of being with Rusty and Mindy, (thats my cousins names by the way). Song of the Day: Calling You, by Blue October Quote of the Day: See above ^ Mystery Count: 2 daysq«XK A New Look on Life So i've decided to start a blog. I dont care if anybody reads this, im only doing this for me. I've been thinking a lot, about many things, mainly my friends. I have the greatest friends. The most impactful lately have been my newest aquaintances. The people ive met, and gotten to know have given me so much without asking anything in return, and i feel so lucky to have them, even if i do sometimes do something stupid, like walk home, or hit them in the face with a pool toy, or talk to them late late late into the morning while they try to work on spanish projects. Anyways, if you're reading this, you probably already know me, and you know how i am to you. Im trying to change who i am, im trying to feel happier, feel more free. Im too paranoid about how people think of me, or how they feel at a certain moment in time. I know ive asked everyone reading this at least once if im bothering them, or if im annoying them in some way, and im trying to make that stop, because one of my friends, a great one in fact brought to light how freakin annoying that is. Needless to say, that will stop, at all costs. I also am going to try to think more about myself, not selfishly or egotistically, but more along the lines of getting to know who i am, what im good at, what im not, and learning to accept, and actually get to the point of knowing and enjoying who i am. My other concern in my life right now is that ill never experience love. Its silly to think that now, being only 16 years, 1 month, and 24 days into my life, but regardless of that fact, i feel like im missing out on a lot. My parents tell me such great stories of how their high school sweet hearts brought them such joy, and how it helped them learn and grow as a person. I want to feel that, i want to know that, i want to be able to tell my kids about it. Many of you wont, and probably never will understand how i feel, but i appreciate those of you who have at least tried. Anyways, off that topic, i had the opportunity to hang out with some of my favorite people today. Kacy Peek, Jordan Peek, Neal LeBlanc, Cassie Cervenka, Allison Bennet, Brittany Payne, and Emily Hahn. They are wonderful, simply amazing. This summer so far would have been total crap if it wasnt for them. Also, ive gotten to talk to a bunch of new people online, and otherwise, you know who you are, but meh. Friends are great, have some, if you dont, you're a loser, and you should get some. Hmmm, what else to write, this is a first entry after all, so im not sure. Everybody else writes such beautiful things in their journals. Meh. This isnt for the enjoyment of others after all, i am pretty much talking to myself here. Kinda like how Emily says everything she types aloud when she's on AIM. Haha, good times. Might as well end it with something cliché. Song of the Day: Tomorrow by SR-71 Quote of the Day: "I like to take the jello powder, and just drop water on it to make little gel droplets." " Or you could you know, just make jello or something." Allison and I talking at Emily's. Well, thats it for now, more to come, if i can think of anything to talk about.q¬T MARCHING PRACTICE TOMORROW! Kill me now. It was 101 at 7:00 PM today! I cant wait to sign my 3rd contract selling away my soul which forbids me to do/think/be anything but band. It wont be awful. Ill see people. The freshman will be there......... Ill see people, that at least is good. Maybe that girl who flirted blatantly x4 towards me has calmed down. I hope so. Or maybe i dont. I dont know, i guess im desperate. I dont think ill have many plans for the next couple of months, which is kinda depressing, but school wont be so bad. We always make school seem like Hell during the summer. It is sometimes, but half the time you're having fun. ................... "And now, the Keller High School Band, performing their show............. STARS!!!!!" Oh geez. I cant wait........ This show has to be better than the show with the Japanese techno we played while forming 'elemental' shapes on a football field. It must be better. It cant not be better. But geez, stars. Why couldnt it have been like, "And now, the Keller High School Band, performing their show, The Legend of Zelda!" or, "Star Wars" if you really wanted to keep some of the 'stars' effect. I would be all for that, just give me some awesome music, something ill recognize thats catchy and most likely not playable, and im set. You know what would be a great show, a Lord of the Rings show, like where some special color guard people could be the fellowship and such, and some could be orcs and elves and men and dwarves, (sadly to say, id be recruited as a freakin dwarf), but i would really like to be a Ring Wraith. There's nothing cooler than that. Nobody would be allowed to be Legolas, cause then they'd be perfect, and then everybody would hate them. Anyways, im just trying to distract myself from 'stars' for a little while by making up entire different shows. But whats sadder, is that im distracting myself from marching with other marching. Impressive, i know. Im ludicrously bored. I wish i could think of something inspiring or deep to say. But thats it, ^, right up there. Im not too clever as of today. People came over last night, it was fun. Thats it. Im about done. Actually i am. Finished. Fin. Quote of the Day: "Yea, my dog of 17 years died" " You're kidding!" "No........., as funny as that is, im not......." Song of the Day: Tempered Steelq­TåHmmm. Im not deserving of this life im given. Im wasting this gift by making bad choices and doing wrongs to my 'friends'. The mere fact that i have friends still puzzles me. The fact that they read this, and ask me if im alright is something that i dont understand. Why do they care, why does it matter to them that i feel the way i do. I dont understand what makes them worry or what makes them fret over the bendable words that are written out in this journal. Why does it interest people to delve into my life, as they attempt to understand how i 'tick'. I hate clocks, but i love noise. Time isnt real. I hate the fact that people think you can travel through time, or stop time. Time is just a way to keep track of the decay of carbon based life forms. If you could go back in time, then whenever you accomplished what you set out to do would be completed in the future, and you would have no reason to go back in the first place. If you stopped time, everything would stop moving. Even atoms, hence, you would be imprisoned in a motionless universe. You would suffocate because you wouldnt be able to breathe, better yet move at all. And if you could go into the future, to see what will come to pass, you would then realize that whatever you did in the present didnt matter, because regardless of the 'choices' you would make, it would all lead to the future you saw, leaving you to wonder if you are actually living your life at all, or if you are just a puppet being dragged along by the ever present flow of time. You wouldnt have control of your destiny. Anyways, ive been wondering why i put my 'friends' in the awkward and often times bothersome positions i put them in. I know what causes it, but i cant help it. I need to do these things. But i hate that i cant fulfill that need without hurting someone close to me. I wonder how the lives of my friends would be different, mostly i think of how they would be better if we never had met. How the experiences and provocations i put them through have altered their lives, and how they would be if i had never done those things. I also wonder if when i die, that perhaps the world ceases to exist. That maybe, this world, is dependent on my existence, that the people i know, the places i see are all parts of me, and that when i come to the end of my life, that maybe this world stops. Maybe this world would just vanish, disappear, or if it would just carry on like it seems to when anybody dies. I cant see through somebody else's conciousness, which is why i think that maybe the things i see are here for me, and made by me. Its foolish. I wonder what the world would be like if i werent alive tomorrow. I wonder if anyone would notice, and if they noticed if they would care, and if they cared if they would remember, and if they remembered would they mourn. If the world keeps spinning after i die, then i wonder what the point of it all was. Ive made little positive impact on the lives of others. I wish i was a better friend. I wish that i am a better friend. I wish that i will be a better friend. If i could, i would go back and fix my mistakes, if i could i would stop the world spinning so i could end the mistakes im making, and if i could i would go to the future and see how ive grown. But i cant. Im here now, only now, never anywhere else. I may never be as good as i think i need to be to completely fulfill what is deserved of my friends as a person, but perhaps ill reach something that is close. Im sorry to those of you who ive made uncomfortable, those of you ive made worry, those of you who ive forced conversation out of. I apologize, it wont happen again. Ill see to that. Time. Time marches on. Time sucks ass. There's not enough time in the world to describe how much my 'friends' mean to me. Not enough time to tell them that they've done too much. Not enough time to let them know how sorry i am. Either way, its time for me to stop. Its time to better myself. And its time for change. Song of the Day: Time of Your Life, Green Day Quote of the Day: "(Silence of sleep)"q®TÑ The human thought. Always around, ever flowing, constantly inter-twining, filling our temporary filing cabinets with every scrap of information we gather throughout the day. Thoughts are merely images, sounds, ideas, feelings we experience, which are then brought back, and shown to us again as memories. Ghosts of what was, these memories dance inside our heads, keeping the past alive inside, and allowing us to taste what once was, and what has occured throughout our time, our story, that masterpiece of existence that is created by every person on Earth. The quick fleeting glances and shocks of thoughts that race throughout our psyche every moment of our days are all laced together in one fashion or the next. Some think of the mind as a web, or a net, something usually designed for ensnaring something. I think of it as a strand or a beam. Something that begins but does not necessarily end in an exact place. If you've ever sat down, and actually thought about thought, either when you try to remember how you got to the place you are now, and where you started from, you'll realize that everything you ponder is somehow linked, not necesarily intricated with something else, but loosely connected to another. A single word in a quote, or on a sign you recollect may send your thought process onto a whole other current, leading you to something completely different, or perhaps something remarkably similar. In any case, the human brain is exquisite. Any tool that lets something gracefully transition from one thing to the next without the realization of effort, or connection is truly amazing. Something that i believe influences a person's train of thought, quite often de-railing it from its previous track, is music. Music can change a person's entire mood, straight from melancholy to joyous, or from ecstatic to dismal. The melodic anomaly found in everyday sounds and jingles has an effect on people. Traffic noises, sad songs on the radio, crying babies. Anything obnoxious, or unenjoyable can cause a sudden and drastic change in a persons overall demeanor. But mainly, the way a person speaks often tells the listener how the intricate workings of someones mind is functioning. You can fake it all you want, but the tone and texture of the sound flowing from your lips gives it away. The eyes and face help marginally, but the chords of words, or shaky replies more than likely rat out the inner most divinations of the brain. Thinking is so simple, but figuring is difficult. If one is required to solve a problem which hasnt been presented before, the brain must leave all casual thought astray and focus on a single dilema. More often than not, this leads to stress, due to the over exertion of the mind, and the lack of freedom and happiness brought by free thought. The looseness of our thoughts keeps us sane, keeps us happy and relaxed. When a person is resting, they arent focused on something, they're more than likely not thinking about anything in particular, which eases the heart, and nurtures the spirit. Thought. Think about it. In summation to all of what was just written, whenever you feel stressed, dont just 'relax'. Let your mind wander from the problem for a while, allow your brain to relax. Its not a physical problem as much as it is a mental one. Just think. Song of the Day:Lying from You, Linkin Park Quote of the Day: There ought to be a warning label on families...., my cousin Tina People of the Day: Emily Hahn and Tina Thanks for the inspiration...q¯TdEnvy. Lately ive been consumed by it. The want, the urge, no, the need to have what others have, to be as good or better than someone else. Not ambition, not duty, but jealousy and envy. My favorite color always has been green, its really quite ironic. I find myself everyday wishing that i could switch lives/bodies/personalities with my friends and family. To know what its like to be them, to be better than i am, or so i see it. Im not really good at believing in myself, no, its not a strong suit of mine. Im not real big on pride. Thats at least one deadly sin i wont have to worry about. But then again, im not a real good person to refer to on sins. Anyways, i feel jealous, i feel full of want and desire. Desire for something i can never have, its impossible. A desire that will destroy me inside if i dont do anything about it. I must travel to the fires of mount doom..... oh wait, i got a little carried away. Then again, this will be a quest, a personal quest where i must learn to accept myself, and cast Tnilc Nesnah's Bane into the fires. Satron will not take me with his 7, the Singuls, i will carry on. Wow, its early in the morning, im acting stupid. So much Lord of the Rings. I feel so cool, not like a nerd at all, i promise. Anyways, im bored, its time to sleep. Its time to go into the Emerald Dream, and think of things that have not yet come to pass....q°T´Yea, its been a while. I dont really care at the moment. At this moment, i just want everybody to know that im extremely happy with most of my friends. And the others, well, they can go straight to a place thats not Heaven. The only reason being is that people randomly get pissed off at me, or have a problem with me, or are annoyed by me, and dont tell me. People block me, then say they didnt block me because they were mad at me, or had a problem with me. What other reason is there, "Oh, well, i just felt like i needed to block somebody, so i sat down, put everybody's name in a hat, and drew yours, thats my reasoning. Whoops, sorry." Yea, its kinda like that. Im not really mad, just confused, i am completely and totally content with my other friends. Jeffrey is back in town, which is cool, Jacob is not, he's on a 2 week cruise of the Meditteranean with his "poor as dirt on the cheek of a homeless mans face" family, and many others are yet unacounted for because either they dont call anybody, sleep all day, or are just at home, doing nothing (like me), and arent really in my mind to mention at the moment. I feel kind of rushed right now, rushed for what, who knows, ive been like this a lot lately. My head doesnt hurt. Which is good. Weird stuff isnt happening, which is good. Ive had the chance to hang out with friends, which is good. But i still feel frantic. I know i need to start my summer reading, but i have way too much time for that. Im still applying for a job, and yea, i know i can get one. Its not really an immediate deadline or anything that im concerned with. Its more like a countdown. It might be the countdown to when i graduate, the fact that i might not see some of my best friends ever again. Maybe its the fact that there's been a lot going on in my life, nothing huge, but lots of little things that make me realize that growing up isnt going to be just big huge bundles of 100% grade A quality fun. Money, relationships, work, insurance, bills, credit cards, check books, house payments, car payments, jury duty, parking tickets, heart disease, alzheimers, coffin shopping, will writing. Not a whole lot of that sounds fun to me, so i guess im just feeling frantic because i know my 'childhood', 'youth', 'teenage years', wont last that much longer. Its just a race towards 40. Wow, i dont want to be that old, but yea, i dont want to not make it there either. I dont know really, i feel rushed, but im not doing anything. Ive been sitting around, not really thinking a whole lot, just passing the days. They're going by fast, just like the last 2 years of my life. I cant recall my first day of high school, or the first time i met, or saw some of my current upperclassmen friends of today. My life is a blur, which is natural. Im just weird, i remember really stupid stuff. i remember breaking a glass dish in the kitchen of the first house i lived in when i was 5. I remember hiding under my bed the first time my step dad, ( in that time, only my mothers boyfriend), came to visit. I remember my first bike ride, and how i ran into a station wagon across the street. I remember swimming lessons, oh lord swimming lessons. Im still wondering how that water wasnt boiling, seeing as the DEVIL was the swim instructor. I remember he wouldnt let me out of the pool until i did what he instructed me to, which of course included using the facilities. So naturally, being like 6, i had very poor control over my bodily functions. Enough said. I remember my first pet, my first dog. And for the more uncommon memories, i remember sitting next to a girl in Kindergarten who would always say, "Move it or lose it." I was terrified of that girl. I remember eating lunch with my teacher in a courtyard in 2nd grade because it was a reward in our class, she always brought a huge huge lunch, like steak and fruit, and the best freaking cheesecake ive ever had. I remember the first time I met the girl i would be in love with for 3 years of my life. She knows who she is, and you probably do too. So many memories, but so many lost. I can remember things vaguely, great times i had, but dont immediately recall. I guess i just hope that the things i do now, this year, this high school experience wont end up totally like that. I hope that when i am 40, (eww), that ill remember my friends, and maybe even call them up every so often. I hope that a lot of things happen, i should stop. Things dont get done just from hoping, so i need to take action more often. I feel ok. I am ok. I just am confused as to why im in a hurry, and why my friends dont tell me whats bothering them. Thats all ive got for now. Im gonna go do nothing, and still be rushed. Song of the Day: Nightingale, Saves the Day Quote of the Day: "Go Cavs Fo Sheezy", Cassie and Emilyq±T¢Yea, so its been a while. Its only been a while because ive had to reload my entire computer. Its been a good time. Might as well get this out of the way. I Freakin Hate Physics!!! Ok, thats out of my system. Well, ive changed myself for the better. Some of my dearest friends brought to my attention that ive been an ass many times before, so im working on changing that. No more whining or despairing for me. Im going to enjoy life for once. Yep. Anyways, im listening to amazing music, i know it sounds lame, but its orchestrated music, but nothing puts me in a better mood than a simply stunningly arranged piece of music. Im the biggest band geek i know right now. I realized today that many of the girls i know have names that in an "E" sound. Cassie, Emily, Valary, Espi, Natalie, Ashely, Kacy, Casey, Brittany, Whitney, Cheri, that kinda works, i dont know, im stretching now. Eh, there's not a whole lot on my mind. Oh yea, Katie. Ah, Katie. Yea, so ive been seeing some of the people that i used to be bestest friends with a lot more lately. Its awesome, like Megan Starkey, we were the greatest of friends back in the day. Maybe we'll get like that again. I havent been seeing Amanda as much anymore, i havent seen her at school not even one time. We'll hang out soon hopefully. People are coming to watch movies tonight, it should be enjoyable. Cassie's been bugging me about this stupid thing, so i figured i might as well find it, and then update it. So here it is. Song of the Day: Orchestrated Version of the theme from Super Metroid (download it, its amazing) Quote of the Day: "I dont like you!, turn around!!!" Me, towards Matt Haefner. If you know him, you'll understand why.q²T×Hmm, this weekend was great. The parties were fun, especially the horn party. And this weekend not a whole lot happened. Oh yea, there is that one thing. My great aunt gave me her car. Its not cool at all, its a 1992 chevrolet caprice, but its free, and the insurance is like only $100 dollars, and there's nothing really wrong with it. So im not complaining, and my parents say if i can take care of it, and keep a job, 'they'll see what they can do' about a new car. So yea, its pretty cool. Im trying to make the car as stupid as possible, complete with fuzzy dice, beads, maybe some fringe, maybe some of those beaded seat covers. I dont know, stuff like that. And ive named it Remy Lebeau, because its burgundy colored, it has the fuzzy dice, and because its just a cool name. Anyways, its a pretty cool thing, but yea, the car isnt cool at all. It has a V8, which is nice, but other than that, wow. Hmmm, i really want a different car, but this one is free, and it might lead to a new awesome car down the road. Song of the Day: Anything old sounding, to go in my old person car, like Bob Hope, or maybe a little commodores, anything that is old. Quote of the Day: "Here, this is yours now...............", "Ok............, thanks?"q³T)Wow, Haniman. He said 'uh, um, or err' about 242 times in a matter of about 45 minutes. He's a robat. Mrs. Benbow also has the most annoying voice in the entire world. But the most surprising thing of the day, is that Mrs. Casey was actually pretty cool. Hard to believe, i know, but she was nice, and she joked around. Its insane. The first day of W.E. was alright, it still feels weird saying that. We played through the first movement, it sounded alright, we need some serious work though. Today at practice, we had a kid come that had never been at practice before, so i had to teach him everything we've learned in the short time of an hour and a half. He might be ready for the audition, but honestly, i highly doubt it. Well, i was going to hang out with kacy today, but i never heard from her, turns out she was just out later than she thought. Anyway, auditions are tomorrow, im really worried about making it.............. Well, i got no sleep last night, i finished my homework, and ive had dinner, so i think ill just hang out, maybe work out or something, or maybe call up a friend. Meh, its all cool. Talk to me tonight if you want to, if you dont, thats fine, but id appreciate it if you did. I probably wont be able to sleep tonight either. Song of the Day: "Cassie's Pimp Mix" Quote of the Day: "maybe"q´TÅFirst day of school tomorrow. Ill update about it later. Im sick, ive been all weekend. Its a great way to spend your last weekend of summer. I got mad at one of my friends last night for no real reason. Im sorry to her, i hope she knows that. I rambled on to one of my friends and got really weird and aggrivated for no real reason. Im sorry, i hope he knows that. Im not tired, im gonna go practice, right after aqua teen comes on. Im hanging out with Kacy tomorrow, and ill tell her, and this about my first day of school. Itll suck probably, but oh well. Song of the Day: Trinity Infinity from the Matrix Reloaded Soundtrack Quote of the Day: "Meatwad makes the money see, meatwad gets the honies she..."qµT The sun has just set, leaving tinges of purple and indigo spread thin across the night sky. A mournful finality grips the land as another day dies and passes on, while a promise of a new day chases the emotions created by the waxing moon and gently sparkling stars. The cosmic events leading up to a sunset are incredible. As the earth gently glides throughout the universe, making slow revolutions around our most familiar star, the people living upon it never question or ponder what exactly is occuring in order to allow them to live their lives, see their family, be with friends, or to just be alive at all. People rely on the days to pass, even though they complain about how time flies. Sunsets are romantic, they bring people joy and despair at the same time. Darkness without light is frightening, but a midnight with a loved one is anything but. The pallet of colors cast brilliantly across the night sky as the sun grows dim is breathtaking. Pastels of life and love and happiness fill the minds of those who look upon the cascade of shades and hues on the horizon. A day without a sunset would be too depressing, if the day were as a light switch, simply from light to dark, then many would despair. Its the gentle transition from bright and luminous, to a serene and gentle canvas of violet that allows people to reflect, remember, and relax. A friend of mine gave me my inspiration through a beautiful image of such an event. Clouds cascading over one another as dancing rays of orange and red leaped across a lake. "These are such things that dreams are made of," seems to sum it up well. I feel poetic, even though my ramblings often seem jumbled or muttled. I wish i was eloquent, worthy of remembrance for my oftentimes delusional literary creations. I have other talents in which to fall back on. Like speelling, and doing grammar good. But yea, next time you see a sunset, think about what it means to you. Think of the people you've affected throughout the day, and dream about what could yet come to pass in the future. Imagine yourself at your greatest, and try with all your might to reach that point in the following day. Be great. Be amazing. Be who you are. Be. Song of the Day: Drops of Jupiter Quote of the Day: "And now she's back in the atmosphere, with drops of jupiter in her hair....."q¶TM Tomorrow marks the day when CNN had the highest ratings of all television in the US. I know you've heard remarks about how you should think about how insignificant your problems are compared to what happened 2 years ago, but to me, (this may sound insensitive to many of you), but i think that people should really move on, and not dwell on things that have happened. Im not a big fan of reflection, but i think that rememberance is ok. I dont like putting emphasis on certain days, because then, that in turn almost forces people to think about the tragedy, and remember more than is necessary, and more often than not, memorial days cause victims to relive the trauma they endured. People should mourn, people should pray if you're into that, and people should remember, but people should move on, and maybe even someday learn to put the tragic thoughts away and every so often, think about it, without spending an entire day of memories and pain. Anyways, im sad for what happened. Regardless of that, the incident didnt really cause any serious influence in my life. Nobody i knew died, nothing i owned was destroyed, and nobody i directly knew was hurt, physically or emotionally. I see tomorrow as a day for others. Forgive me if i dont cry, or ponder, but thats not the way i am. I dont fret over things that dont have impact on me. That's silly. The biggest problem in my life right now is Physics. I hate physics. Robots shouldnt teach. Im going to miss seeing Cassie Cervenka every day. I hope she doesnt follow the trend of band drop outs and pretty much cease all communication and activity with me. But if she does, it would only be natural. I dont wonder why she quit, it doesnt matter to me. I hope she's happy with her decision, and i hope it works out for her. I dont think any differently of her, and i admire her for following through with what she wanted. Emily Hahn has held the coolest senior i know award for a while now, and the most neato freshman is a toss up. Hmm, awesomest sophomore, ummm, maybe Ryn Stasky. Perhaps. Junior, thats impossible to say, there's the ever present triumverate of Brent, Jeff, and I. But eh, school is awesome, even if we all hate it. Without school, we wouldnt have friends. Im glad for school. I dont want this year to end, because the seniors i have grown so close to will leave. I dont know what ill do. There's a big world outside of high school, i know, but right now, im in high school. Im still a part of this overly dramatic, frantic, ecstatic world. I hope i never leave, but, its inevitable. After KHS, i may never see the other members of the triumverate. But after all, people need to move on. We cant dwell in the past. But this is the present, and im diving in. Im swimming in the vast and brilliant life that im living, and enjoying every minute of it. Tell me what i can do for you to possibly bring you to my level of bliss right now. Do it. Ill try and make you smile. Quote of the Day: " Clint!!!! Emily!!! Come on men! Lets head back to the showers, and get naked together since we're done tackling each other and rolling around on each other for hours on end!!!q·TáWhat dreams may come. I feel incredible today. Simply amazing. The day is bleak but my mood is bright. Today i feel as if my smile could break the cloudcover, releasing the entrapped sun and setting it free to beam down on others. I need a song, something ive only imagined, something ive dreamed of writing. Perhaps i might. Something with bold and easy transitions from favorite melodies and rythms of fantastic pieces mingled with a stunning harmony. Im fit to burst with happiness. I can guess as to why, but im not sure as to how. My friends are awesome. Just great. I wish i could say more, but the tiny clicks of the keys are feeding my need for music. I love the arts. Musical, cinematography, visual, anything. You name it. I dont know, this day is splendid. I need to share my joy with everyone i talk to today. It may be contagious. Song of the Day: Only things that are created in the orquestra of my mind. Quote of the Day: "Never give up." from the movie, 'What Dreams May Come'q¸T& The human emotion is a wretched wretched thing sometimes. The way the world can suddenly tear out the happiness and joy you were just in rapture with and twist and contort it into a completely opposite feeling is so destructive. An enlightenment, be it something really unpleasant to discover, hit me the other day. Its left me little to dwell on than itself. I find myself in a state of meloncholy and depression, as i long for something that i cant seem to grasp, despite the fact that many others that i know can. Something that eludes me, taunts me, and kills me a little inside, every day. Maybe tomorrow will be different, but i cant see how. Maybe something will come to light, things will change, and all will be good in the world once more. The space that my friends fill is as big as ever, but the hole that they cant is growing. I need that sort of nourishment to be happy, and right now, i havent even had a taste of what i desire. Maybe tomorrow will be different. I sure as hell hope so. If not, things wont change, obviously. Maybe i can learn to cope, which is most likely, but maybe, ill keep dwelling on it. Hopefully not, but either way, its something that i have to do, myself. Nobody can really help, if i aksed, or if they wanted to. It doesnt work like that. I really dont know how it works, or even if anybody could understand this if they tried. Life is good. Friends are good. School is going as well as to be expected. But something still is missing. I wish i knew how to fill the void. Others can, so why cant i. Im only 16, i have the rest of my life, yea yea. But other 16 year olds, and then others that are younger are having no trouble it seems. I dont know, im rambling again. I just wish i didnt need to. This stupid journal has seemed to be somebody i can talk to. Somebody who wont judge me, or mock me. Somebody i dont have to worry about thinking differently of me, or pitying me, or laughing at me behind my back. If i only i could find somebody like this to help me fill the space. If only. Maybe tomorrow will be different. Oh yea, and hey, if you're reading this, maybe people will like you more, or not talk bad about you behind your back, or act two faced towards you if you dont take people's pretzels, or stare at people because they're having a good time, or ask people to be quieter for no reason. Its just a suggestion. I guess i would be corrupted too if i dated somebody who looked like they just got back from a photo shoot for a gushers commercial. No quotes worth putting. Song of the Day: Adagio for Strings, Jeff's right, it does own you.q¹T®Friday, people are coming over, you should too if you want. If we're good enough friends, just come over and hang out, itll be a party. A big festive festival complete with all of the festivities usually associated with festivals of the festive variety. Yea, party, itll probably happen, and have movies and games and food and people and air and stuff. So come if you want. Or dont, it doesnt really matter, but ill be having fun.qºT`Ah, the journal. This simple expression of inner thought. I dont really understand the appeal of writing in it, but there is definately an appeal. I deleted the past 2 entries i wrote. I find them outdated and depressing. If you must see them, i might show them to you, but oh well, the past is the past. Im starting over, and i really like the way things are now. Im glad that the people that i call friends are such forgiving people, and are completely amazing for making their decision. But enough about the tedious workings of my life. I feel inspired. Again. This time not to write a masterpiece, or to talk about what i think, but to just write. To just say what will flow from my fingertips. To write what comes to my hands, as they glide across the wireless keyboard of my soul. I think its great that things are going well for everyone. Everyone, basically is happy, and thats with little exception for the first time in a while. I think its amazing that i can be with and around the people i am all the time. And i hope that i can bring somebody else that i think is really special into that group. Im glad that the sun rises every morning, and im glad that it will continue to do so even after im gone, (at least for the next 80 billion years...). But yea, high school is coming to a close for some of the fantastic people that i have become aquainted to, and i feel that i will miss them more than i think. It wont be keller without them, and it could quite possibly be more boring than ever. When people leave, this town dies a little. Its not a real town to me, its more like a collection. Its just a story of people. Its an anthology of lives. Nothing happens here, in this village, but there's always something to do. I find that fascinating. Ah, Toby is not rugged anymore, and my mom finished my blanket. Its really quite neat. Toby is clean, and i am warm, things are going well. I find that when i write for pleasure, its......... pleasureable, but when i write for zell, its....... not. I cant seem to express myself when i write for a prompt or an assignment. Here, i can say what i wish, without fear of grade or censor, and i dont have to worry about being ridiculed for my expression. Hmmm, i dont really have anything to write about, but just writing makes me smile. Smiling is good, and ive missed it. Im making a cd for buddy, and i get an excuse to download some great music for her. I also made $100 for selling my old decrepit laptop. Today was good. I played computer games with jeff, and it took forever. I feel fragmented, but then again, the passage of time this weekend has felt irregular. I wonder why. Maybe the planets are in alignment, or i can sense the leap day, but either way, i feel like ive been stretched. I like the feeling. I feel like there's more time. So im happy. Generally and genuinely happy. I talked to a cool kid the other night who said that he read this for a while, and that it moved him. I dont know if thats true or not, i dont see how it could be, i mean, im not that inspirational, but it prompted me to start this up again. Im not going to change the way i write, but im going to change my outlook. Insight into my life is all that this offers to others, but to me, it offers an unquestioning ear. It offers understanding and comprehension of all my subtle metaphors, and all of my gentle allusions. I really think that i get too deep in it sometimes, Ms. Zell didnt catch them in my narrative. That made me sad, but im going to talk to her about it. She's going to let me try again. I just hope that ill get another muse. I loved that paper, but it was difficult to grasp. I understand that. Hmmm, maybe ill post it sometime. If anybody wants to see it. I havent had anybody read it but Ms. Zell, and myself, so, i guess it should be shared eventually. I like long posts, but im surprised that you've stayed reading this far. Its just rambling above. But now i think ill say something meaningful. I think ill say that i enjoy it when my glass is full. I enjoy seeing things half full, even when its apparent that they're half empty. Deliriously oblivious, i have promenaded through the weeks, and made myself aquainted to the sounds of relaxation. I hope to be trendy tomorrow, i hope to be stylish. Because Cassie and Emily helped me pick stuff out. Listen to Hoobastank, "The Reason" "You're like my inhaler, I just can't breathe without you." Thanks for the interest.q»TjI guess im just a hopeless romantic, but im growing weary of this loneliness. I thought i found somebody that i could confide in, but i was wrong i guess. I feel dumb for letting myself get down over stupid things like this. I feel ridiculous for getting upset for never being kissed. I feel like an 8 year old. I just want to experience what everyone else has. I want to 'fit in', yea, i want that, even though its 'evil' and 'pressuring', it still lets you relate. Being separated or segregated from a group in your head makes you feel differently. I had hope that things would change for a while. Turns out it was just my own naive ideals that crushed my hopes. I keep telling myself im doing something wrong. I keep telling myself that im not doing something right. I know thats wrong, but thats all I can determine. I want someone i can be close to. Someone i can be with and be comfortable. I want a person to know what im thinking, and to care about what i have to say. I want somebody who, when im talking, isnt just waiting for their turn to speak. I want somebody who gives up their turn to listen. I want to be wanted.q¼T3Hmmm, today was interesting. I was either heading to, or coming from, a PETsMART 8 times today. Toby needed a haircut, and now he looks goofy, so i had to drop him off, then come home, then go get him. Then, i was going to apply there with Emily, but she wasnt going to make the 1:00 time, so i was practically there, so i turned around and went to her house for a bit. Then we went to the post office, with the 1 human attendant, and mailed a piece of postage and spied an awesome little resturant. Afterward, we headed to a different PETsMART to finally apply at 2:00, and arrived at 1:50. Ok, here's where the fun starts. Mr. Manager, (we never learn his name), greets us at the door after the cashier, (probably my future job if im accepted), calls for him, and he takes us back to the staff room thing to watch an awesome movie. The movie's first 20 seconds consist of the camera zooming in on the stupid ball that bounces off of the 's' on the PETsMART sign, which makes it lower case for some reason. The movie is really corny, and gives me the message that if you don't wear your name tag to work, you'll end up killing all of the hamsters or fish or something because 'if you dont complete all of your tasks here, you may be endangering the lives of pets.' Yea, so, i suppressed my laughter the best i could, (as did Emily), and i made it throught the video. Halfway through the video, at about 2:00 exactly, another applicant, we'll call him "Late Guy" walks in. Despite the fact that he's the only puntcual one of all 3 of us, he still appears late, which forces Mr. Manager to replay the video for him. The incesant smiling of the host guy in the video droned on in my head as i began to tackle the arduous task of compiling the huge sum of unnecessary information required for the completion of a gigantic application repeating over and over that, in simpler words, 'Drugs are bad, you'll get fired if you use drugs.' Anyways, after the video and application phases, the next, more embarrassing part of the application process began. Mr. Manager took us one at a time into his office to ask us job-related questions. I, of course being the first to finish the application due to the time saved by avoiding having to write down any previous employment locations, was served first with a barrage of very vague and confusing questions/activities. I have hereby branded myself with the title, "New Guy", due to my lack of job experience. He takes me into his office, and the first words he says are, "So, this could be your first job." Wow, um, yea, it will be, and for the sake of it, we couldve stopped there probably. Oh no, the fun went on. Ok, here goes, tell me how you wouldve responded to this. "OK, we're going to do some role-playing, ill be a customer, and you be the associate. I'm in the leash aisle, how would you approach me," says Mr. Manager. Hmmmm, uhhhh, hello sir, can i help you......? Anyways, you get the picture, it went on for a while, and i stumble through it, and he tells me what i couldve done better. Eh, more vague questions came afterward, i answered them with help from my encounters with some of Murtagh's questions, and did my best with those. Me, "New Guy", had finished. Emily's turn comes. She says that she made herself sound really dumb. Mr. Manager seemed to have an extra skill in that area that few have. She says that she responded several times with phrases like, "I love animals," or, "I like rats and fish and....." Yea, we all had a good laugh. It was quite funny. So then she labeled herself "Ditsy Girl". She had questions like, "How would you rate teamwork on a scale of 1 to 10?", and thats all. Its kinda like, "Hmmm, lets see here, How? on a scale of 1 to 10." So the questions were broad. We both know "Late Guy" got a job, hands down. He seemed like he didnt give a damn, so he's in. But i think its a battle between "I love animals," and "I have no job experience." I really dont know who will win. I mean, i might be shelling out change to people buying dog sweaters next week, who knows, or Emily might be working in the fish section, because she really doesnt want to work in the equine section at all. Eh, it was fun/hilarious, and afterward there was some good food. You should all go out and apply for random jobs. The only thing is, you might get one. Wouldnt that suck. Eww, work. The rest of the day consisted of usual teenage hanging out, and the watching of many music videos. All in all, a good day. Now, its getting kinda late, not really, but eh, and i need to decide which bed is closest and easiest to dive on to before i fall asleep in this chair. Im lazy, but maybe soon, a working man. Gross. Song of the Day- I Believe In a Thing Called Love- The Darkness (GO DIE YOU CRAPPY BRITISH BAND) Quote of the Day- "It's America's Funniest Home Videos, either somebody will get racked, or people will die, because thats hilarious."q½T° Yea, spring break is almost upon us. I can practically smell it. I can taste the freedom, and i can hear the laughter that is approaching. The next 2 weeks should be good. Purely good. Only a few things are bothering me. Maybe just one, and it starts with "M" and ryhmes with Nurtagh. She gave us this enormous ass ignment over the break. I really dont like that woman. But whatever, she wont ruin my break. Maybe ill figure out this person ive been so confused with. I hope so. Eh. Some things have been brewing for a while, and they finally erupted. Everybody knew they would, i just hope things are resolved quickly. My dad's house was really close to the area that the people on the news are talking about. The damaged houses on the news are about 5 miles from my dads house. I hope he's ok. I love my dad. A lot. He lives by the lake, a lake that should be visited by my friends this summer. Visited before they leave for college, or get ready for the upcoming school year. Yea, that'd be grand. I have to turn in my schedule tomorrow, but im afraid to take "Adolf Whitler." I really am afraid of that class. Im writing a definition paper for Zell that hopefully she wont despise like she has my others. Im really putting a lot of effort into it. I already have an outline, and i have planned to write a draft of it every 3 days. It will be excellent, or else. Im so tired of school right now. I have to study for Zell's test, because i need to do well to raise my terrible average. I need to do well so she will not hate me as much. Alison Fudge, (a truly awesome chica), gave me a copy of her hoobastank cd. Ive listened to The Reason about 15 times in the past 2 days. Its so beautiful. Kinda reminds me of..... Anyways, i like it when it rains. I dont like walking in the rain with an umbrella, i feel like im trying to defy nature. I remember sprinting through the driving rain in florida with my friends last summer. Thats where i really got to know Emily and Cassie. They're really great friends. Truly great. Im glad i got to learn about them that trip, and i think it was an interesting experience with the whole extreme trouble action. Yay for hidden theme park attractions in Canada. With Canadians. Yea, i think the rain is peaceful. Even if it is torrential. It washes my worries away. I feel like the rain fills that glass that people label optimists or pesimists with. It makes me optimistic. I look blindly at things, and always see hope when it rains. I love the rain. I wish i lived in seattle. Maybe not, but it was a thought. Song- "Until the Day I Die" -Story of the Year Quote- "Back of the line filthy sophomore!"-Mr. Henderson when honestly thinking i was a sophomore when we were signing up for buses.q¾TþSorry for not updating in forever, but Mrs. Zell has sapped any love of writing that i may have ever had from my body. I dont plan to write in here for a bit, so dont keep checking back, even though i know that pretty much nobody does, i mean seriously, its me rambling, why do you even look? Eh, stupid AP tests, stupid calculus, stupid powerpoints, stupid prompts. I do not like school, but yea, yay for really cool people, people who's birthdays are may 11th. Yay. Song- Happy Birthday Quote- "Somebody gave me these cookies, yea, but its april fool's day, so be careful, yea, they're probably heroine cookies, *shakes on floor* 'they're so good!' " Katie and I discussing the cookies she recieved from a stranger on apr. 1st in english, good times, good timesq¿TÎI would like to request some inspiration, as odd as that sounds. I want to hear from people, their comments, opinions, anything, about anything. I would love to just take in their thoughts for a while, so i can try and unwind from my own anticipations and anxieties about life. I'm delieriously happy now, all the time. I love my friends so much, they are by far the most influential and wonderful parts of my life. I wake up everyday, and hope that i get to see them and talk and laugh like always. It fills me with glee to know that ill have at least one more summer with all of them, and I'm even more glad to get to know somebody i think is very special. Please, tell me what you're thinking. Tell me how you feel, and give me some insight into your life. I'll make this an ongoing thing, something that i believe can be something that i could be very proud of. I just really want to live with other people. I feel more alive when people are around, they complete my character and motivate my soul to shine. Just talk. Release your thoughts through words. You dont have to partake in this excersise of communication, but if you have anything at all that you find interesting or important, please share. I think of this journal as something to help unleash my creativity from time to time. I love some of my previous entries more than anything ive written, because they're real. They're free-flowing thought, something that cant be taught or developed. It just occurs naturally and oftentimes results in some of the greatest art in the world. Think and speak and share and communicate, its the only way to introduce the world to the beauty of your life. On a side note, I absolutely love Tina Fey, my car, dancing when nobody's watching, eating things that would make Dr. McReynolds cringe, being with my bestest of friends, making fun of dumb people, and realizing things about myself. I love these things. I love living so much, and have for a while now. Things used to be so different, but things change, like all things do. So i dont expect this bliss to be permanent by any means, but i do want to embrace it while i can. Tell me things you love. Off the wall things. Things you didnt even realize until you sat and thought about it. Just tell me. I would like for this to become something amazing. Like a compilation or memoir of all the people i know. A literary memory of our friendships, regardless of how in depth they are. If you think this is stupid, tell me, thats still a thought, and still an opinion that should be expressed. I love long posts. I know somebody else who does also. They've told me so. Summer should be tomorrow, it really should. Id get to experience so much more if i were free all the time. I want to learn so much. I want to see and taste and feel more this summer than any other, and i want it to last much much longer. I want to be with my seniors, the seniors ive grown so close to that i take for granted the pleasure of seeing and conversing with nearly everyday. But they're going through their own set of worries. College and what not, and the moving away ordeal. It must be hard. I really want them to be happy, they're amazing people. Meet them. Let a stream of moonlight fill your sight with intuition, and let yourself foresee your own happiness. Bask in the rays of your own ecstasy and realize that you're living for you. Make a time be your own, and dont be afraid to embrace a moment. Take part of your life, and dont let it take control of you. You're in control of your own destiny, and the paths you take will lead you where you wanted to go. During your journey, keep gazing skyward, to remember the past, and look beyond to your future. Keep your spirits high, and raise those of others to your level whenever possible. I want to bottle some moonlight sometimes, just to shine on people when they're not as inspired as I. If any of this makes sense to anybody, then im glad that somebody understands what im thinking. If not, then tell me your interpretation, its yet another form of expression, analyzation, and thought. I really didnt expect to write anything tonight of any real significance, but now, im quite happy with whats come to me. Listen to something that makes you smile. Recite a quote that makes you laugh. Live. ~ClintqÀTÐYay for good things. I got a new car. Come see it. I got a new X-Box. Come play it. And now i have a new outlook on life. Come meet me. New stuff, new friends, new opportunities. Yay for people and their neatness, and yay for my friends liking said people. Yay for life, but boo on ap tests. Boo i say, boo. I should've taken a $42 sick day. But then Westbrook wouldve written me up for that too. She's given me 3 detentions for being either actually sick, and at home, and not skipping, being on band trip, and not in the county, or being in the gym taking a damn ap test. She really needs to stop ninja-watching, and get to checking accurate roll. But yea, yay for people and things and events that make me happy. Yay for banquet last weekend, and yay for my date and my friends, and everything. YAY . And its almost summer again! Its a good time, and my writing sucks ass. Its not creative, or neatly flowing in form, its straightforward, childlike, and relatively simple in articulation. But im analyzing more literature, even after a 3 hour english test. Boo AP tests. Boo. Yay for maybe seeing somebody tomorrow in english again after their $42 sick day. YAY. Song of the Day: The Hey Mama that we didnt get to dance to...qÁTtHmmm, so im sitting here, thinking to myself, what is something interesting to put in here. Well, ive thought about it for a while, and had some okay ideas, so i think ill just start writing, and see what develops. Here goes... I played freeze tag with small children a while back at my dad's house in Acton, Texas. Afterward, (several hours afterward i might add), i thought about how every step in human development has its own common desire. I became aware of the fact that kids do whatever is in their power to make games last forever. While playing freeze tag, the kids started cheating in order to keep the game going. I played freeze tag, as "It", for 2 hours straight without finishing a game. I came to the conclusion that the first stage of human life never wants the game to end. The game that is life. The unfolding adventure of each new day, and any misadventures that occur along the way. Later, i realized that the second phase of development is the phase im currently a part of. The adolescent, pre-adulthood, teenage years. I know that all of us have thought about leaving our hometowns at least once a day, every day, for the past several years. How you'll miss your friends, the people you've spent your childhoods with, your favorite times together alongside, and your hardest times working through with. I read my last post just a moment ago, and saw how desperately i wanted to be done with school, but i remember, at the same time, i dreaded the fact that it was another step in the direction of dispersion. The friends that i will inevitably part from, and yes, possibly forget one day, are what keep me sane and alive every day. I decided that teenagers never want their 'lives' to end. They never want to leave what they've grown so accustomed to, and what they seem to grow in to. The possibility of a different, possibly less pleasurable, possibly more difficult prospect of life after high school and college is something that people like me want to keep at bay. I want these years to never end. Although i havent experienced the next phases myself, ive gathered enough experience with people of these classes to be able to formulate ideas on them. People in there twenties and thirties, for the sake of classification, lets call them 'youths' as it were, despite their age in comparison to my, or possibly your age, seem to treasure just that, their youth, above anything else. The ability to play, run, jump, drink, smoke, dive, swing, swim, and sex with no regard to the consequences is the drug of choice to the people in this class. The fact that their bodies are still capable of everything they could in the teen years, and the fact that they're adults and of expanded experience, creates something that is precious, a sort of limited opportunity for bliss. I see the main fear of these people as the process of aging. I think that the 'youths' never want their youth to end. They want to stay as virile and agile and mobile as they can for as long as they can. They want to stop the clock. Mid-life crisis survivors and other middle aged people are the next classification. The fact that they're not a 'youth' anymore encroaches on their minds as their years accumulate. They buy expensive objects in hope of appeasing the need for their youthfulness, and explore new endeavors in hopes of drowning out the memories of their past. The inevitability of decrepitude begins to haunt their dreams. Middle-aged people never want their health to leave them. They want their youth returned, and their vigor restored. They want the clock to turn back. The ancients, the elders, the decrepit, the geezers. They spend the rest of their days reflecting on their lives. Their experiences, their thoughts, their ideas, and their loves. They tell the youngsters stories of when they themselves were young, while often their tales fall on bored ears. The idea of youth is gone, and the fear of death and the realization that it could be close at hand is ever present. The elderly wish for their memories to sustain them, and their offspring to remember them. They want the clock to keep ticking. I love writing, as you probably have guessed. But i also love feedback, be it positive or negative. I like to observe, i like to interact, and i like to experience. I wish i could say something deep in here, but i just write down what i feel. I want to go see Dodgeball and Anchorman with somebody. They know who they are. I will break them out of their house if their parents wont let them. There's only two songs on my mind tonight, Masque for one, its the only song i whistle at least once a day, and Roxeanne, the Moulin Rouge version, because "its so powerful." Write something down whenever you get the chance, itll brighten your day. By the way, now you can leave comments on any of my posts, it would make my day if you left some, and remember, i can delete the ones that are stupid. So if you're stupid, dont bother leaving a comment. ~ClintqÂTpWhy i am doing this .... spending time .. money ... resources ....... for a Gmail account ? :D partly because it offers 1 GB ( spymac does that too ... big deal ? ) + latest fab in town ..... ( come on man .... 150 dollars for a GMail account ? ) and genuine desire to have a crack at possibly the best email service around ........ with the username i want :D mIhirqÃXÒKunal Kohli's second offering (his first was Mujhse Dosti Karoge), Yash Raj Films' HumTum is a simple love story. It is the essential Bollywood formula love story, with a twist: Girl meets boy. Girl hates boy. Girl meets boy again. They fall in love. The film opens at the airport with the protagonists, Karan Kapoor (Saif Ali Khan) and Rhea Prakash (Rani Mukherjee), leaving for New York. Rhea's mother, Parminder Prakash aka Bobby (Kirron Kher), is busy praying for her daughter's safety. Karan is accompanied by mom Anu Kapoor (Rati Agnihotri) and good friend Mihir Vora (Jimmy Shergill). He believes that 'boys' and 'girls' can never understand each other, let alone be friends. Both Karan and Rhea are seated next to each other in the aircraft, and the ice is broken. Karan shows Rhea his cartoon characters, Hum and Tum, the quintessential boy and girl who cannot live with or without each other! At a stopover in Amsterdam, they explore the city and their differences together. Just as Rhea drops her guard around Karan, he kisses her, only to be slapped. They part on that sour note. Three months later, they bump into each other at a New York park. Karan is with his girlfriend Shalini (Shenaz Treasurywala). Shalini and Rhea discover they are school friends. Rhea tells Shalini all about the Amsterdam episode, at the end of which Karan and Shalini split. Cut to three months later, when Karan is back in Delhi with his mother. She is a wedding coordinator and ropes Karan in to help with a wedding. The bride turns out to be Rhea. Karan bumps into Rhea again on a French train, where she cryptically tells him, "Samir is no longer part of my life." Karan lands up at his father's (Rishi Kapoor) Parisian house and tries to find Rhea. Will Karan find Rhea? Where is Samir? Will they realise that they love each other? Will they be together? This constitutes the rest of film. Hum and Tum, Karan's cartoon characters, pop up now and again. They experience the incidents that happen to Karan and Rhea — in animation. This urban romance, which spans six years and many cities — Amsterdam, New York, Paris, Delhi and Mumbai — is an easy watch. The movie is essentially episodic in nature, and the episodes have been woven well together. The characters are also well defined. There is a plausible, if simplistic, storyline. Like when Rhea alights from the train, she doesn't give Karan either her number or her address. Karan still traces her phone number and reaches her mother. The film does suffer from continuity problems. At her mehendi ceremony, Rhea dances around Karan in the Gore gore song. The mehendi in alternate scenes changes from wet, dark green to light orange to dark orange. The next scene shows Rhea's forearm covered in a dark maroon mehendi design, but the palm is clean. In the beginning of another scene, Karan is shown to be drunk and tottering around. All of a sudden, he finds his balance, walks straight, and is so sober that he proceeds to run and find a victoria and come back to where Rani is waiting. Also, it isn't quite clear why Karan and Rhea do give up their inhibitions. Why would a girl who is so independent get close to a guy she is not sure of? But Kunal Kohli does a fair job. The direction is tight in most places. The title song, though, is placed badly and detracts from the narrative. It can be safely deleted from the movie. Saif is perfect for the role as Karan, the smooth-talking urban male whose main aim in life is to get every woman to date him. In fact, this role would be a natural progression to his Dil Chahata Hai role. The film rests on his shoulders. From the irresponsible 22 year-old off to America, his character has been developed well over the next six years in the movie. As usual, Saif scores with his comic timing. Rani continues with her Chalte Chalte tanned look for this film. She has done a competent job as the level-headed, no-nonsense Punjabi girl who knows what she wants. She excels in the tear-jerking scenes and matches Saif in the comic ones. Kirron Kher as Rhea's mother is superb, with her Punjabi accent and mannerisms. The other supporting actors, Rishi Kapoor, Rati Agnihotri, Jimmy Shergill, and Ishaa Koppikar, are adequate. All told, a feel-good film which will appeal to urban audiences.qÄUoWell got a idea today ....... start a blog ..... be regular ...... paste crap ./ get a GMail account :D MihirqÅU hi all ... this is the first oneqÆTØHi people, Sorry i have not regular to my posts ( dont even know if anyone sees this or not :) ) anyway i am kinda new to this ..... and dont properly know how to blog ... so if u still see it ... kindly bear with me .. and mail ur comments to mihirsaxena@spymac.com will be waiting for them Today was a pretty boring day ..... ended on a great note though. A interesting thing happened. One of the classmates was online. He had a crush on a girl ( OK OK no crush ... just something crush like ;) ) Anyway that girl ... one the last day of college ( i passed out this yr ) told him that she had a cruch on him ........ biy wasnt my friend like some lightning hit him :) .. anyway will keep u all updates on this :) MihirqÇT3Lots of drama today on Tv regarding the prime minister of India .... really politics in our country has become a matter of comedy. You do not know who is against whom? or who has what policies. Thats the reason why people are getting disenchanted with the politics. Anyway spent the whole of day sleeping ......... after spending yesterday's night finishing "Call of Duty", this was expected. I am expecting the courier from Navendu with new games tommorrow .... will help in spending time further. thats all for today .... will again post tommorrow MihirqÈU§Hi people, This is my another attempt at starting a blog of mine ... previous attempts died a unnatural death ........ anyway lets hope this will continue :) MihirqÉUËgreat ..... i am going to Calcutta tommorrow to submit my IIM-Calcutta fees .... so it now 99.99% sure that i will be a Jokaite for the next 2 yrs :) ..... wish me good journey atleast yaaron ;P MihirqÊTCWell Champions League final today ... was supporting AS Monaco, actually i am a big fan of Morietes ( he's cute na ? :) ) Anyway match was good .... but heartbreak for Monace as they lost 3 - 0 to Porto. Both sides were really equal, but Porto took their chances with perfection. I thought the injury to Monaco's captain in the first half hit them really hard and their top players did not perform to the occasion. Well as far as the rest of the day is concerned, waited and waited for Himanshu (friend from school) to turn up ... but he did not come ..... Really i am very angry as he made me get up early in the morning ( 9 am :(( ) and then i was sitting like a fool expecting him :( Anyway .. tommorrow hopefully i will get a second telephone line, and then be able to be online practically 24X7 ...... Cioa for now MihirqËTohi guys, well pretty bored out here .... got nothing to do .. except sleeping , playing computer games, watching movies..... god knows how the next 1 month will pass. Got something to do ...... i have to go to Calcutta if IIM-B waitlist does not turn up in my favour and deposit my fees there. So 3 days out of the way there :) then a couple of days to Varanasi to get my certi's attested along with maybe a trip to Delhi. I finished up Halo today, good game ... great storyline, have a feeling Halo 2 will be even greater. Loved the vehicles that u can drive in the game, a real novelty. Thats all .. rest later :)qÌU®I just returned from a long trip to Calcutta, one which was probably my most adventurous ever. I am dead tired, just came here to check my emails. Will post details tommorrowqÍT?This post comes from the hallowed portals of IIM-C ... yes the B-school where i am going to spend next 2 years of my life. I have come here to submit the fees personally ... ( done it :) ). Well the journey was a story in itself. A fairly long story actually. I had my train reservation frm my home town Jhansi. I missed the train by just 5 min on Saturday morning. What followed was nothing less than a Bollywood blockbuster ( ok ..... a lot less than that ... but still a lot :) ) A had to catch a bus to Kanpur, ... spent 5 hours in the heat and humidity of Bundelkhand as the rickety bus travelled to Kanpur. The other ticket that i had got after missing my train was not confirmed, i had been waitlisted at number 13. Well ... i found out that my status then was number 8, but had no chances of getting confirmed. Now i had to urgently reach Calcutta to deposit the fees, so ... i bribed a coolie on the station ..( well it seems to me that the job of coolies at Kanpur station is not to carry the luggage of passengers ... but rather to "help" poor fellows like me in getting a berth in the train they want ( of course after charging a hefty fees:) ) ) I had to pay the fellow 100 bucks .... then the ticket collector another 500 bucks over the fare diffrence between 2 AC and 3 AC ........ 1100 bucks down the drain :( just for the delay of 5 min ... can u imagine. Anyway the rest of the journey was fine ..... did not have to experience the heat .... I tried to take a look out of the window during the travel ... but was really shocked by the state of affairs in Bihar ... villages on the track side seemed to be straight out of some old age movie with thacthed roofs and all .. .did not think that there was as backward a place as Bihar. Anyway .. more of it in the next post ... am off to try and find myself some thing to eat :) MihirqÎTIt is Sunday, the June 6th today :) No no, nothing special about it, just that it is first time on a sunday that i have been up before 12 :) I have been trying to catch up on sleep as i know i wont be getting lots of it surely for the next 2 yrs atleast in IIM-B. One doubt i have though , when i was entering engineering, i had the sale impression about engineering college as well, but it turend out to be 4 years of holidays :) Lets see how this one turns out. Waise one resolution i have taken, i will work hard this time around, and i will try my level best to keep up my grades unlike my life in engg. So lets see how this resolution turns out to be.qÏTIt is Sunday, the June 6th today :) No no, nothing special about it, just that it is first time on a sunday that i have been up before 12 :) I have been trying to catch up on sleep as i know i wont be getting lots of it surely for the next 2 yrs atleast in IIM-B. One doubt i have though , when i was entering engineering, i had the sale impression about engineering college as well, but it turend out to be 4 years of holidays :) Lets see how this one turns out. Waise one resolution i have taken, i will work hard this time around, and i will try my level best to keep up my grades unlike my life in engg. So lets see how this resolution turns out to be.qÐTLSouth Africa will not see the type of bandwidth that the people who write in to the myadsl Web site are after for at least another five to 10 years. This is the view of analyst Mark Rotter, of Africa Analysis, speaking at yesterday's launch of Storm Telecom's new consumer Internet service. Read the full article on urlLink ITwebqÑUŒurlLink Engadget are running an interesting piece on all the gadgets used at this years urlLink Tour de France . urlLink Read it here...qÒTKEvery now and again, Karen any my self put 100 bucks on either black or red. Last night the ball stopped on green, go figure. Just before we left the table a 100 bucks poorer, a kind stranger pointed out that we only lost R50. Our luck turned and we left about 10 minutes later with R900, thats R800 profit. Thanks urlLink Monte .qÓT[I've Being playing with the idea of getting a MP3 player for a while now. Which one to get is the questions. urlLink Apple's IPod Mini is really cool, the FM transmitter is a must! You can use it at home, in the car at work etc. Yesterday there was news on urlLink Sony's new walkman, 20 gig and all. It's about time Sony entered the market.qÔU+Really looking forward to seeing whats new.qÕX£That’s right – Beta 1 of Visual Studio 2005 is here! To date, Microsoft has released various pre-release builds of Visual Studio 2005 such as the alpha release at PDC and new interim builds we call Community Technology Previews. At Tech-Ed Europe on June 29, 2004, Microsoft announced the availability of Visual Studio 2005 Beta 1 along with some other very important announcements detailed below. urlLink More...qÖT–We've managed to arrange a TV for our office, pretty awesome! So during the madness here at work, I can glance up and see how urlLink Lance and the boys are taking strain. Really looking forward to seeing if Lance can do it for a 6th time. Feels like I'm the only one wanting him to get the record. urlLink Pro Training was a killer this morning, only about the 5th time I've been. Really enjoying it!q×T1Seems like everyone has a weblog these days. I've been the proud owner of the www.weblog.co.za domain for about a year now. Really need to do something with it. I hope to post interesting, thought provoking titbits, well thats the plan at least. I suppose even urlLink Slashdot had to start somewhere.qØT¯Apple Computer Inc. on Wednesday said its iPod mini digital music player would be available internationally, beginning July 24, at a price of $249. In March, the company said it would delay the international launch of the player due to stronger-than-expected U.S. demand and tight supplies of the hard drive, which is at the core of the player. Apple had originally planned to start worldwide shipping in April. Earlier this year, the company said it had 100,000 preorders for the iPod mini, a smaller version of the popular iPod player that is about the length and width of a business card and holds about 1,000 songs. The company, best known for its Macintosh computers, has found huge success in digital music. Apple has sold more than 3 million iPods and has a 50-percent market share of digital music players. Its iTunes online music service is the most popular legal music download sites, claiming 70 percent of all songs bought online.qÙUnurlLink Scott Hanselman's has composed a awesome set of developer and power tools. View them urlLink here.qÚT\The hit film trilogy, The Matrix, will be released on DVD on the 12th December, in time for the festive season. Packed on to 10 DVDs (A record?), the disk will come in at the reasonable price of about R510 (~$75). The Disk will have The Matrix, Matrix Reloaded (extended version), and Matrix Revolutions; bonus material for each of the films in terms of behind the scenes footage, interviews, and general information. Also included is Animatrix. Finally, 3 disks with a more general slant and lots of other content, titled 'The Roots Of The Matrix', 'The Burley Man Chronicles', and 'The Zion Archive'.qÛTŸLance Armstrong is obsessed with numbers: He measures his seat height by the millimeter, his food by the gram, and his performance by the watt. Such attention to detail is de rigueur in cycling, one of the most data-driven sports of all. Consider the numbers behind the Tour de France: 21 days of riding; 2,110 miles; 5,200 calories burned per day; a peak of 1,000 watts output at any given moment (enough juice to run seven iMacs). The two most important figures: 6, the number of consecutive victories Armstrong will have if he wins the Tour again (a new record); and 61, the number of seconds he won by last year, his narrowest margin yet. Read more on urlLink WiredqÜXýWinner of the lowest heart rate in 2004? Phonak’s Santiago Perez of Spain, with 31 beats per minute. Yellow jersey for the biggest lung capacity? Another Spaniard, this time of the French Ag2r squad, Mikel Astarloa with 7.98 litres. The race’s lightest rider is the Russian Alexandre Botcharov at a frankly puny 54.5 kilograms, while the heaviest rider is Sweden’s Magnus Backstedt (Alessio-Bianchi) who will fly down the mountains thanks to his gravity-embracing 98 kilograms. But the big Swede is prevented taking first prize in the tallest rider competition. Instead, the title goes to a Frenchman: Guillaume Auger of RAGT at 1.96 metres. French fans must be going crazy: there’s a second win for them, too, thanks to Ag2r’s Samuel Dumoulin who obviously never ate his greens, measuring just 1.58 metres. Among the Tour’s 188 starters, average height is 1.79 metres, average weight is 69.9kg, average lung capacity is 5.74 litres, while the Tour peloton’s average heart rate is 51 beats per minute.qÝXpThis special pair of Oakley sunglasses with a built-in MP3 player that Lance Armstrong was spotted wearing. No idea whether they’re planning to ever sell these or not, but a little bit of research reveals that the sunglasses only have enough room on them for 35 songs, which makes us think that they probably have somewhere around 128MB of storage somwhere in there.qÞUP= 7427466391.com urlLink Read more on how google finds it's future employees.qßTnVS 2005 Beta 1 ships with a Pocket PC/Smart Phone emulator that will run inside of a Virtual PC image! urlLink Robert Levy has more information about the new emulator, but some highlights include: 1. Screen rotation 2. Full ARM (instead of x86) emulation. In addition to being a more true emulation, this also lets you install 3rd party software compiled for ARM.qàUÊThis is the first thing I've seen for ages that I think will really change the way we work. Imagine having someone look at you through your IDE helping you along the way. urlLink This is a must read.qáTžupdate, i got 1 character for ninjaturdles! yea! so yeah its a work in progress along with my other duties with work and school. currently im trying to migrate a WIN NT 4.0 server to WIN 2003 Server. I am doing alot of reading and documentation. Im so tired of reading. *sigh* but it must be done. man, i need a coffee mug that says "I work for the man" hint hint Luis. so la la la di da. oh yeah, JOHN CENA SUCKS!qâUóyeah, so im listening to Eminem. He is better than John Cena. Gawd I hate John F*ing Cena. he cant rap, sing, wrestle, he sucks. i so hope booker T whoops his ass this coming week. Can you dig it SUUUUUUCKAAAA??!!!!!! urlLink RHAPSODY LinkqãTŠ—Remarks by Al Gore May 26, 2004 As Prepared George W. Bush promised us a foreign policy with humility. Instead, he has brought us humiliation in the eyes of the world. He promised to "restore honor and integrity to the White House." Instead, he has brought deep dishonor to our country and built a durable reputation as the most dishonest President since Richard Nixon. Honor? He decided not to honor the Geneva Convention. Just as he would not honor the United Nations, international treaties, the opinions of our allies, the role of Congress and the courts, or what Jefferson described as "a decent respect for the opinion of mankind." He did not honor the advice, experience and judgment of our military leaders in designing his invasion of Iraq. And now he will not honor our fallen dead by attending any funerals or even by permitting photos of their flag-draped coffins. How did we get from September 12th , 2001, when a leading French newspaper ran a giant headline with the words "We Are All Americans Now" and when we had the good will and empathy of all the world -- to the horror that we all felt in witnessing the pictures of torture in Abu Ghraib. To begin with, from its earliest days in power, this administration sought to radically destroy the foreign policy consensus that had guided America since the end of World War II. The long successful strategy of containment was abandoned in favor of the new strategy of "preemption." And what they meant by preemption was not the inherent right of any nation to act preemptively against an imminent threat to its national security, but rather an exotic new approach that asserted a unique and unilateral U.S. right to ignore international law wherever it wished to do so and take military action against any nation, even in circumstances where there was no imminent threat. All that is required, in the view of Bush's team is the mere assertion of a possible, future threat - and the assertion need be made by only one person, the President. More disturbing still was their frequent use of the word "dominance" to describe their strategic goal, because an American policy of dominance is as repugnant to the rest of the world as the ugly dominance of the helpless, naked Iraqi prisoners has been to the American people. Dominance is as dominance does. Dominance is not really a strategic policy or political philosophy at all. It is a seductive illusion that tempts the powerful to satiate their hunger for more power still by striking a Faustian bargain. And as always happens - sooner or later - to those who shake hands with the devil, they find out too late that what they have given up in the bargain is their soul. One of the clearest indications of the impending loss of intimacy with one's soul is the failure to recognize the existence of a soul in those over whom power is exercised, especially if the helpless come to be treated as animals, and degraded. We also know - and not just from De Sade and Freud - the psychological proximity between sexual depravity and other people's pain. It has been especially shocking and awful to see these paired evils perpetrated so crudely and cruelly in the name of America. Those pictures of torture and sexual abuse came to us embedded in a wave of news about escalating casualties and growing chaos enveloping our entire policy in Iraq. But in order understand the failure of our overall policy, it is important to focus specifically on what happened in the Abu Ghraib prison, and ask whether or not those actions were representative of who we are as Americans? Obviously the quick answer is no, but unfortunately it's more complicated than that. There is good and evil in every person. And what makes the United States special in the history of nations is our commitment to the rule of law and our carefully constructed system of checks and balances. Our natural distrust of concentrated power and our devotion to openness and democracy are what have lead us as a people to consistently choose good over evil in our collective aspirations more than the people any other nation. Our founders were insightful students of human nature. They feared the abuse of power because they understood that every human being has not only "better angels" in his nature, but also an innate vulnerability to temptation - especially the temptation to abuse power over others. Our founders understood full well that a system of checks and balances is needed in our constitution because every human being lives with an internal system of checks and balances that cannot be relied upon to produce virtue if they are allowed to attain an unhealthy degree of power over their fellow citizens. Listen then to the balance of internal impulses described by specialist Charles Graner when confronted by one of his colleagues, Specialist Joseph M. Darby, who later became a courageous whistleblower. When Darby asked him to explain his actions documented in the photos, Graner replied: "The Christian in me says it's wrong, but the Corrections Officer says, 'I love to make a groan man piss on himself." What happened at the prison, it is now clear, was not the result of random acts by "a few bad apples," it was the natural consequence of the Bush Administration policy that has dismantled those wise constraints and has made war on America's checks and balances. The abuse of the prisoners at Abu Ghraib flowed directly from the abuse of the truth that characterized the Administration's march to war and the abuse of the trust that had been placed in President Bush by the American people in the aftermath of September 11th. There was then, there is now and there would have been regardless of what Bush did, a threat of terrorism that we would have to deal with. But instead of making it better, he has made it infinitely worse. We are less safe because of his policies. He has created more anger and righteous indignation against us as Americans than any leader of our country in the 228 years of our existence as a nation -- because of his attitude of contempt for any person, institution or nation who disagrees with him. He has exposed Americans abroad and Americans in every U.S. town and city to a greater danger of attack by terrorists because of his arrogance, willfulness, and bungling at stirring up hornet's nests that pose no threat whatsoever to us. And by then insulting the religion and culture and tradition of people in other countries. And by pursuing policies that have resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent men, women and children, all of it done in our name. President Bush said in his speech Monday night that the war in Iraq is "the central front in the war on terror." It's not the central front in the war on terror, but it has unfortunately become the central recruiting office for terrorists. [Dick Cheney said, "This war may last the rest of our lives.] The unpleasant truth is that President Bush's utter incompetence has made the world a far more dangerous place and dramatically increased the threat of terrorism against the United States. Just yesterday, the International Institute of Strategic Studies reported that the Iraq conflict " has arguable focused the energies and resources of Al Qaeda and its followers while diluting those of the global counterterrorism coalition." The ISS said that in the wake of the war in Iraq Al Qaeda now has more than 18,000 potential terrorists scattered around the world and the war in Iraq is swelling its ranks. The war plan was incompetent in its rejection of the advice from military professionals and the analysis of the intelligence was incompetent in its conclusion that our soldiers would be welcomed with garlands of flowers and cheering crowds. Thus we would not need to respect the so-called Powell doctrine of overwhelming force. There was also in Rumsfeld's planning a failure to provide security for nuclear materials, and to prevent widespread lawlessness and looting. Luckily, there was a high level of competence on the part of our soldiers even though they were denied the tools and the numbers they needed for their mission. What a disgrace that their families have to hold bake sales to buy discarded Kevlar vests to stuff into the floorboards of the Humvees! Bake sales for body armor. And the worst still lies ahead. General Joseph Hoar, the former head of the Marine Corps, said "I believe we are absolutely on the brink of failure. We are looking into the abyss." When a senior, respected military leader like Joe Hoar uses the word "abyss", then the rest of us damn well better listen. Here is what he means: more American soldiers dying, Iraq slipping into worse chaos and violence, no end in sight, with our influence and moral authority seriously damaged. Retired Marine Corps General Anthony Zinni, who headed Central Command before becoming President Bush's personal emissary to the Middle East, said recently that our nation's current course is "headed over Niagara Falls." The Commander of the 82nd Airborne Division, Army Major General Charles H. Swannack, Jr., asked by the Washington Post whether he believes the United States is losing the war in Iraq, replied, "I think strategically, we are." Army Colonel Paul Hughes, who directed strategic planning for the US occupation authority in Baghdad, compared what he sees in Iraq to the Vietnam War, in which he lost his brother: "I promised myself when I came on active duty that I would do everything in my power to prevent that ... from happening again. " Noting that Vietnam featured a pattern of winning battles while losing the war, Hughes added "unless we ensure that we have coherence in our policy, we will lose strategically." The White House spokesman, Dan Bartlett was asked on live television about these scathing condemnations by Generals involved in the highest levels of Pentagon planning and he replied, "Well they're retired, and we take our advice from active duty officers." But amazingly, even active duty military officers are speaking out against President Bush. For example, the Washington Post quoted an unnamed senior General at the Pentagon as saying, " the current OSD (Office of the Secretary of Defense) refused to listen or adhere to military advice." Rarely if ever in American history have uniformed commanders felt compelled to challenge their commander in chief in public. The Post also quoted an unnamed general as saying, "Like a lot of senior Army guys I'm quite angry" with Rumsfeld and the rest of the Bush Administration. He listed two reasons. "I think they are going to break the Army," he said, adding that what really incites him is "I don't think they care." In his upcoming book, Zinni blames the current catastrophe on the Bush team's incompetence early on. "In the lead-up to the Iraq war, and its later conduct," he writes, "I saw at a minimum, true dereliction, negligence and irresponsibility, at worst, lying, incompetence and corruption." Zinni's book will join a growing library of volumes by former advisors to Bush -- including his principal advisor on terrorism, Richard Clarke; his principal economic policy advisor, former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill, former Ambassador Joe Wilson, who was honored by Bush's father for his service in Iraq, and his former Domestic Adviser on faith-based organizations, John Dilulio, who said, "There is no precedent in any modern White House for what is going on in this one: a complete lack of a policy apparatus. What you've got is everything, and I mean everything, run by the political arm. It's the reign of the Mayberry Machiavellis." Army Chief of Staff General Eric Shinseki told Congress in February that the occupation could require "several hundred thousand troops." But because Rumsfeld and Bush did not want to hear disagreement with their view that Iraq could be invaded at a much lower cost, Shinseki was hushed and then forced out. And as a direct result of this incompetent plan and inadequate troop strength, young soldiers were put in an untenable position. For example, young reservists assigned to the Iraqi prisons were called up without training or adequate supervision, and were instructed by their superiors to "break down" prisoners in order to prepare them for interrogation. To make matters worse, they were placed in a confusing situation where the chain of command was criss-crossed between intelligence gathering and prison administration, and further confused by an unprecedented mixing of military and civilian contractor authority. The soldiers who are accused of committing these atrocities are, of course, responsible for their own actions and if found guilty, must be severely and appropriately punished. But they are not the ones primarily responsible for the disgrace that has been brought upon the United States of America. Private Lynndie England did not make the decision that the United States would not observe the Geneva Convention. Specialist Charles Graner was not the one who approved a policy of establishing an American Gulag of dark rooms with naked prisoners to be "stressed" and even - we must use the word - tortured - to force them to say things that legal procedures might not induce them to say. These policies were designed and insisted upon by the Bush White House. Indeed, the President's own legal counsel advised him specifically on the subject. His secretary of defense and his assistants pushed these cruel departures from historic American standards over the objections of the uniformed military, just as the Judge Advocates General within the Defense Department were so upset and opposed that they took the unprecedented step of seeking help from a private lawyer in this city who specializes in human rights and said to him, "There is a calculated effort to create an atmosphere of legal ambiguity" where the mistreatment of prisoners is concerned." Indeed, the secrecy of the program indicates an understanding that the regular military culture and mores would not support these activities and neither would the American public or the world community. Another implicit acknowledgement of violations of accepted standards of behavior is the process of farming out prisoners to countries less averse to torture and giving assignments to private contractors President Bush set the tone for our attitude for suspects in his State of the Union address. He noted that more than 3,000 "suspected terrorists" had been arrested in many countries and then he added, "and many others have met a different fate. Let's put it this way: they are no longer a problem to the United States and our allies." George Bush promised to change the tone in Washington. And indeed he did. As many as 37 prisoners may have been murdered while in captivity, though the numbers are difficult to rely upon because in many cases involving violent death, there were no autopsies. How dare they blame their misdeeds on enlisted personnel from a Reserve unit in upstate New York. President Bush owes more than one apology. On the list of those he let down are the young soldiers who are themselves apparently culpable, but who were clearly put into a moral cesspool. The perpetrators as well as the victims were both placed in their relationship to one another by the policies of George W. Bush. How dare the incompetent and willful members of this Bush/Cheney Administration humiliate our nation and our people in the eyes of the world and in the conscience of our own people. How dare they subject us to such dishonor and disgrace. How dare they drag the good name of the United States of America through the mud of Saddam Hussein's torture prison. David Kay concluded his search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq with the famous verdict: "we were all wrong." And for many Americans, Kay's statement seemed to symbolize the awful collision between Reality and all of the false and fading impressions President Bush had fostered in building support for his policy of going to war. Now the White House has informed the American people that they were also "all wrong" about their decision to place their faith in Ahmed Chalabi, even though they have paid him 340,000 dollars per month. 33 million dollars (CHECK) and placed him adjacent to Laura Bush at the State of the Union address. Chalabi had been convicted of fraud and embezzling 70 million dollars in public funds from a Jordanian bank, and escaped prison by fleeing the country. But in spite of that record, he had become one of key advisors to the Bush Administration on planning and promoting the War against Iraq. And they repeatedly cited him as an authority, perhaps even a future president of Iraq. Incredibly, they even ferried him and his private army into Baghdad in advance of anyone else, and allowed him to seize control over Saddam's secret papers. Now they are telling the American people that he is a spy for Iran who has been duping the President of the United States for all these years. One of the Generals in charge of this war policy went on a speaking tour in his spare time to declare before evangelical groups that the US is in a holy war as "Christian Nation battling Satan." This same General Boykin was the person who ordered the officer who was in charge of the detainees in Guantanamo Bay to extend his methods to Iraq detainees, prisoners. ... The testimony from the prisoners is that they were forced to curse their religion Bush used the word "crusade" early on in the war against Iraq, and then commentators pointed out that it was singularly inappropriate because of the history and sensitivity of the Muslim world and then a few weeks later he used it again. "We are now being viewed as the modern Crusaders, as the modern colonial power in this part of the world," Zinni said. What a terrible irony that our country, which was founded by refugees seeking religious freedom - coming to America to escape domineering leaders who tried to get them to renounce their religion - would now be responsible for this kind of abuse.. Ameen Saeed al-Sheikh told the Washington Post that he was tortured and ordered to denounce Islam and after his leg was broken one of his torturers started hitting it while ordering him to curse Islam and then, " they ordered me to thank Jesus that I'm alive." Others reported that they were forced to eat pork and drink alcohol. In my religious tradition, I have been taught that "ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so, every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit... Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." The President convinced a majority of the country that Saddam Hussein was responsible for attacking us on September 11th. But in truth he had nothing whatsoever to do with it. The President convinced the country with a mixture of forged documents and blatantly false assertions that Saddam was in league with Al Qaeda, and that he was "indistinguishable" from Osama bin Laden. He asked the nation , in his State of the Union address, to "imagine" how terrified we should be that Saddam was about to give nuclear weapons to terrorists and stated repeatedly that Iraq posed a grave and gathering threat to our nation. He planted the seeds of war, and harvested a whirlwind. And now, the "corrupt tree" of a war waged on false premises has brought us the "evil fruit" of Americans torturing and humiliating prisoners. In my opinion, John Kerry is dealing with this unfolding tragedy in an impressive and extremely responsible way. Our nation's best interest lies in having a new president who can turn a new page, sweep clean with a new broom, and take office on January 20th of next year with the ability to make a fresh assessment of exactly what our nation's strategic position is as of the time the reigns of power are finally wrested from the group of incompetents that created this catastrophe. Kerry should not tie his own hands by offering overly specific, detailed proposals concerning a situation that is rapidly changing and unfortunately, rapidly deteriorating, but should rather preserve his, and our country's, options, to retrieve our national honor as soon as this long national nightmare is over. Eisenhower did not propose a five-point plan for changing America's approach to the Korean War when he was running for president in 1952. When a business enterprise finds itself in deep trouble that is linked to the failed policies of the current CEO the board of directors and stockholders usually say to the failed CEO, "Thank you very much, but we're going to replace you now with a new CEO -- one less vested in a stubborn insistence on staying the course, even if that course is, in the words of General Zinni, "Headed over Niagara Falls." One of the strengths of democracy is the ability of the people to regularly demand changes in leadership and to fire a failing leader and hire a new one with the promise of hopeful change. That is the real solution to America's quagmire in Iraq. But, I am keenly aware that we have seven months and twenty five days remaining in this president's current term of office and that represents a time of dangerous vulnerability for our country because of the demonstrated incompetence and recklessness of the current administration. It is therefore essential that even as we focus on the fateful choice, the voters must make this November that we simultaneously search for ways to sharply reduce the extraordinary danger that we face with the current leadership team in place. It is for that reason that I am calling today for Republicans as well as Democrats to join me in asking for the immediate resignations of those immediately below George Bush and Dick Cheney who are most responsible for creating the catastrophe that we are facing in Iraq. We desperately need a national security team with at least minimal competence because the current team is making things worse with each passing day. They are endangering the lives of our soldiers, and sharply increasing the danger faced by American citizens everywhere in the world, including here at home. They are enraging hundreds of millions of people and embittering an entire generation of anti-Americans whose rage is already near the boiling point. We simply cannot afford to further increase the risk to our country with more blunders by this team. Donald Rumsfeld, as the chief architect of the war plan, should resign today. His deputies Paul Wolfowitz, Douglas Feith and his intelligence chief Stephen Cambone should also resign. The nation is especially at risk every single day that Rumsfeld remains as Secretary of Defense. Condoleeza Rice, who has badly mishandled the coordination of national security policy, should also resign immediately. George Tenet should also resign. I want to offer a special word about George Tenet, because he is a personal friend and I know him to be a good and decent man. It is especially painful to call for his resignation, but I have regretfully concluded that it is extremely important that our country have new leadership at the CIA immediately. As a nation, our greatest export has always been hope: hope that through the rule of law people can be free to pursue their dreams, that democracy can supplant repression and that justice, not power, will be the guiding force in society. Our moral authority in the world derived from the hope anchored in the rule of law. With this blatant failure of the rule of law from the very agents of our government, we face a great challenge in restoring our moral authority in the world and demonstrating our commitment to bringing a better life to our global neighbors. During Ronald Reagan's Presidency, Secretary of Labor Ray Donovan was accused of corruption, but eventually, after a lot of publicity, the indictment was thrown out by the Judge. Donovan asked the question, "Where do I go to get my reputation back?" President Bush has now placed the United States of America in the same situation. Where do we go to get our good name back? The answer is, we go where we always go when a dramatic change is needed. We go to the ballot box, and we make it clear to the rest of the world that what's been happening in America for the last four years, and what America has been doing in Iraq for the last two years, really is not who we are. We, as a people, at least the overwhelming majority of us, do not endorse the decision to dishonor the Geneva Convention and the Bill of Rights.... Make no mistake, the damage done at Abu Ghraib is not only to America's reputation and America's strategic interests, but also to America's spirit. It is also crucial for our nation to recognize - and to recognize quickly - that the damage our nation has suffered in the world is far, far more serious than President Bush's belated and tepid response would lead people to believe. Remember how shocked each of us, individually, was when we first saw those hideous images. The natural tendency was to first recoil from the images, and then to assume that they represented a strange and rare aberration that resulted from a few twisted minds or, as the Pentagon assured us, "a few bad apples." But as today's shocking news reaffirms yet again, this was not rare. It was not an aberration. Today's New York Times reports that an Army survey of prisoner deaths and mistreatment in Iraq and Afghanisatan "show a widespread pattern of abuse involving more military units than previously known.' Nor did these abuses spring from a few twisted minds at the lowest ranks of our military enlisted personnel. No, it came from twisted values and atrocious policies at the highest levels of our government. This was done in our name, by our leaders. These horrors were the predictable consequence of policy choices that flowed directly from this administration's contempt for the rule of law. And the dominance they have been seeking is truly not simply unworthy of America - it is also an illusory goal in its own right. Our world is unconquerable because the human spirit is unconquerable, and any national strategy based on pursuing the goal of domination is doomed to fail because it generates its own opposition, and in the process, creates enemies for the would-be dominator. A policy based on domination of the rest of the world not only creates enemies for the United States and creates recruits for Al Qaeda, it also undermines the international cooperation that is essential to defeating the efforts of terrorists who wish harm and intimidate Americans. Unilateralism, as we have painfully seen in Iraq, is its own reward. Going it alone may satisfy a political instinct but it is dangerous to our military, even without their Commander in Chief taunting terrorists to "bring it on." Our troops are stretched thin and exhausted not only because Secretary Rumsfeld contemptuously dismissed the advice of military leaders on the size of the needed force - but also because President Bush's contempt for traditional allies and international opinion left us without a real coalition to share the military and financial burden of the war and the occupation. Our future is dependent upon increasing cooperation and interdependence in a world tied ever more closely together by technologies of communications and travel. The emergence of a truly global civilization has been accompanied by the recognition of truly global challenges that require global responses that, as often as not, can only be led by the United States - and only if the United States restores and maintains its moral authority to lead. Make no mistake, it is precisely our moral authority that is our greatest source of strength, and it is precisely our moral authority that has been recklessly put at risk by the cheap calculations and mean compromises of conscience wagered with history by this willful president. Listen to the way Israel's highest court dealt with a similar question when, in 1999, it was asked to balance due process rights against dire threats to the security of its people: "This is the destiny of democracy, as not all means are acceptable to it, and not all practices employed by its enemies are open before it. Although a democracy must often fight with one hand tied behind its back, it nonetheless has the upper hand. Preserving the Rule of Law and recognition of an individual's liberty constitutes an important component in its understanding of security. At the end of the day they (add to) its strength." The last and best description of America's meaning in the world is still the definitive formulation of Lincoln's annual message to Congress on December 1, 1862: "The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise - with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country. Fellow citizens, we cannot escape history...the fiery trial through which we pass will light us down in honor or dishonor to the latest generation...We shall nobly save, or meanly lose the last best hope of earth...The way is plain, peaceful, generous, just - a way which, if followed, the world will forever applaud, and God must forever bless." It is now clear that their obscene abuses of the truth and their unforgivable abuse of the trust placed in them after 9/11 by the American people led directly to the abuses of the prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison and, we are now learning, in many other similar facilities constructed as part of Bush's Gulag, in which, according to the Red Cross, 70 to 90 percent of the victims are totally innocent of any wrongdoing. The same dark spirit of domination has led them to - for the first time in American history - imprison American citizens with no charges, no right to see a lawyer, no right to notify their family, no right to know of what they are accused, and no right to gain access to any court to present an appeal of any sort. The Bush Admistration has even acquired the power to compel librarians to tell them what any American is reading, and to compel them to keep silent about the request - or else the librarians themselves can also be imprisoned. They have launched an unprecedented assault on civil liberties, on the right of the courts to review their actions, on the right of the Congress to have information to how they are spending the public's money and the right of the news media to have information about the policies they are pursuing. The same pattern characterizes virtually all of their policies. They resent any constraint as an insult to their will to dominate and exercise power. Their appetite for power is astonishing. It has led them to introduce a new level of viciousness in partisan politics. It is that viciousness that led them to attack as unpatriotic, Senator Max Cleland, who lost three limbs in combat during the Vietnam War. The president episodically poses as a healer and "uniter". If he president really has any desire to play that role, then I call upon him to condemn Rush Limbaugh - perhaps his strongest political supporter - who said that the torture in Abu Ghraib was a "brilliant maneuver" and that the photos were "good old American pornography," and that the actions portrayed were simply those of "people having a good time and needing to blow off steam." This new political viciousness by the President and his supporters is found not only on the campaign trail, but in the daily operations of our democracy. They have insisted that the leaders of their party in the Congress deny Democrats any meaningful role whatsoever in shaping legislation, debating the choices before us as a people, or even to attend the all-important conference committees that reconcile the differences between actions by the Senate and House of Representatives. The same meanness of spirit shows up in domestic policies as well. Under the Patriot Act, Muslims, innocent of any crime, were picked up, often physically abused, and held incommunicado indefinitely. What happened in Abu Ghraib was difference not of kind, but of degree. Differences of degree are important when the subject is torture. The apologists for what has happened do have points that should be heard and clearly understood. It is a fact that every culture and every politics sometimes expresses itself in cruelty. It is also undeniably true that other countries have and do torture more routinely, and far more brutally, than ours has. George Orwell once characterized life in Stalin's Russia as "a boot stamping on a human face forever." That was the ultimate culture of cruelty, so ingrained, so organic, so systematic that everyone in it lived in terror, even the terrorizers. And that was the nature and degree of state cruelty in Saddam Hussein's Iraq. We all know these things, and we need not reassure ourselves and should not congratulate ourselves that our society is less cruel than some others, although it is worth noting that there are many that are less cruel than ours. And this searing revelation at Abu Ghraib should lead us to examine more thoroughly the routine horrors in our domestic prison system. But what we do now, in reaction to Abu Ghraib will determine a great deal about who we are at the beginning of the 21st century. It is important to note that just as the abuses of the prisoners flowed directly from the policies of the Bush White House, those policies flowed not only from the instincts of the president and his advisors, but found support in shifting attitudes on the part of some in our country in response to the outrage and fear generated by the attack of September 11th. The president exploited and fanned those fears, but some otherwise sensible and levelheaded Americans fed them as well. I remember reading genteel-sounding essays asking publicly whether or not the prohibitions against torture were any longer relevant or desirable. The same grotesque misunderstanding of what is really involved was responsible for the tone in the memo from the president's legal advisor, Alberto Gonzalez, who wrote on January 25, 2002, that 9/11 "renders obsolete Geneva's strict limitations on questioning of enemy prisoners and renders quaint some of its provisions." We have seen the pictures. We have learned the news. We cannot unlearn it; it is part of us. The important question now is, what will we do now about torture. Stop it? Yes, of course. But that means demanding all of the facts, not covering them up, as some now charge the administration is now doing. One of the whistleblowers at Abu Ghraib, Sergeant Samuel Provance, told ABC News a few days ago that he was being intimidated and punished for telling the truth. "There is definitely a coverup," Provance said. "I feel like I am being punished for being honest." The abhorrent acts in the prison were a direct consequence of the culture of impunity encouraged, authorized and instituted by Bush and Rumsfeld in their statements that the Geneva Conventions did not apply. The apparent war crimes that took place were the logical, inevitable outcome of policies and statements from the administration. To me, as glaring as the evidence of this in the pictures themselves was the revelation that it was established practice for prisoners to be moved around during ICRC visits so that they would not be available for visits. That, no one can claim, was the act of individuals. That was policy set from above with the direct intention to violate US values it was to be upholding. It was the kind of policy we see - and criticize in places like China and Cuba. Moreover, the administration has also set up the men and women of our own armed forces for payback the next time they are held as prisoners. And for that, this administration should pay a very high price. One of the most tragic consequences of these official crimes is that it will be very hard for any of us as Americans - at least for a very long time - to effectively stand up for human rights elsewhere and criticize other governments, when our policies have resulted in our soldiers behaving so monstrously. This administration has shamed America and deeply damaged the cause of freedom and human rights everywhere, thus undermining the core message of America to the world. President Bush offered a brief and half-hearted apology to the Arab world - but he should apologize to the American people for abandoning the Geneva Conventions. He also owes an apology to the U.S. Army for cavalierly sending them into harm's way while ignoring the best advice of their commanders. Perhaps most importantly of all, he should apologize to all those men and women throughout our world who have held the ideal of the United States of America as a shining goal, to inspire their hopeful efforts to bring about justice under a rule of law in their own lands. Of course, the problem with all these legitimate requests is that a sincere apology requires an admission of error, a willingness to accept responsibility and to hold people accountable. And President Bush is not only unwilling to acknowledge error. He has thus far been unwilling to hold anyone in his administration accountable for the worst strategic and military miscalculations and mistakes in the history of the United States of America. He is willing only to apologize for the alleged erratic behavior of a few low-ranking enlisted people, who he is scapegoating for his policy fiasco. In December of 2000, even though I strongly disagreed with the decision by the U.S. Supreme Court to order a halt to the counting of legally cast ballots, I saw it as my duty to reaffirm my own strong belief that we are a nation of laws and not only accept the decision, but do what I could to prevent efforts to delegitimize George Bush as he took the oath of office as president. I did not at that moment imagine that Bush would, in the presidency that ensued, demonstrate utter contempt for the rule of law and work at every turn to frustrate accountability... So today, I want to speak on behalf of those Americans who feel that President Bush has betrayed our nation's trust, those who are horrified at what has been done in our name, and all those who want the rest of the world to know that we Americans see the abuses that occurred in the prisons of Iraq, Afghanistan, Guantanamo and secret locations as yet undisclosed as completely out of keeping with the character and basic nature of the American people and at odds with the principles on which America stands. I believe we have a duty to hold President Bush accountable - and I believe we will. As Lincoln said at our time of greatest trial, "We - even we here - hold the power, and bear the responsibility."qäUŸi just found out today that i am supposed to be in work at 7:30am! oh well, ill get here at 7:30am tommorow. im not fired, so i suppose its all good. silly me.qåUÖso now, i got the site running. and yeah im using a dumb template in the meantime, but im gonna do some funny stuff with this site. i created so i can vent my creative side. but stay tuned ill get the ball rolling.qæU‡They deleted my stuff!!!!!! *sigh* i guess when they did the conversion from www.david.gs to www.ninjaturdles.com my stuff got deleted!qçUzhere is a link to the playlist im listening to now. you need to download rhapsody to check it out. urlLink RHAPSODY LinkqèTthere is so much to do today. my back hurts and im tired. i have a test on wednesday. i have to bust some major bootie this morning and the rest of the day to feel comfortable about the test. the test is open book, but you know how those test are. they tend to be the hardest. so, ok. as for the site. don't expect much out of if other than a blog till after this summer session is over with. maybe july 5th. is when i will start working on my ninjaturdles. but as for now, its just a blog. anyways, have a good one and wish me luck.qéTÔsorry about not updating as fast i should, but ive been pretty busy with summer school session 1. its got me ited for time. and yeah, you know me im here studing. but oh what i was wanting to share with you guys is that if you need some really good studing/motivation music listen to the cd "Run Lola Run" i mean its got a beat that is continous and and seems to never end but its great for pumping you u pto do something. anyways, have a good one. back to studing.qêTwell sort of. im inheriting my grandmothers house for the time being. Rent free! I am going to do some work with the house and fix it up n stuff. its got 3 bedrooms and one bath. its not a great house but its a decent enough house to live in while i pay off my debt. before this opportunity came up it would have taken me about a good 2 years to get out of debt. now, its going to take me 6 months to get out of credit debt alone. ill take some before and after pictures to keep you guys posted. oh yeah, i get cable again! yeah me!qëUqìhìT 2Pac: Perhaps I was addicted to the dark side Somewhere inside my childhood witnessed my heart die And even though we both came from the same places The money and the fame made us all change places How could it be - through the misery that came to pass The hard times made a true friend afraid to ask - for currency But you could run to me when you need me and I'll never leave I just need, someone to believe in, as you can see It's a small thang to a true, what could I do? Real homies help you get through And come to knew he'd do the same thang if he could Cause in the hood true homies make you feel good And half the times we be actin up call the cops Bringin a cease to the peace that was on my block It never stop, when my mama ask me will I change I tell her yeah, but it's clear I'll always be the same Until the end of time Richard Page: So take, these broken wings I need your hands to come and heal me once again (Until the end of time) So I can fly away, until the end of time Until the end of time Until the end of time 2Pac: Please Lord forgive me for my life of sin My hard stare seem to scare all my sister's kids So you know, I don't hang around the house much This all night, money making got me outta touch, shit Ain't flashed a smile in a long while An unexpected birth worst of the ghetto childs My attitude got me walkin solo, ride out alone in my lo-lo Watchin the whole world move in slow-mo For quiet times disappear, listen to the ocean Smokin 'Ports, think my thoughts, then it's back to coastin Who can I trust in this cold world? My phony homey had a baby by my old girl But I ain't trippin I'm a player I ain't sweatin him I sex his sister, had her mumble like a Mexican His next of kin, no remorse it was meant to happen Besides rappin the only thing I did good was scrappin Until the end of time 2Pac Now who's to say if I was right or wrong? To live my life as an Outlaw all along Remain strong in this planet full of player haters They conversate but Death Row full of demonstrators And in the end drinkin Heneessy made all my enemies envy me So cold when I flow eliminatin easily Falls to they knees, they plead for they right to breath While beggin me to keep the peace (haha) What I can see closer to achieve In times of danger don't freeze, time to be a G Follow my lead I'll supply everything you need An ounce of game and the trainin to make a G Remember me, as an outcast Outlaw Another album out, that's what I'm about, more Gettin raw 'til the day I see my casket Buried as a G while the whole world remembers me Until the end of timeqíUurlLink dont judge meqîU&urlLink dancin dancin, dancin machine!qïUurlLink zoom zoom zoomqðUurlLink zoom zoom zoomqñUurlLink goo goo ga gaqòUurlLink blahblahblahqóUurlLink raise my nuggets!qôU(urlLink my poopies are drippy, GO LARGE!qõUurlLink biooootch!qöUurlLink Super size itq÷UurlLink Show me Bigger ComicqøU*urlLink Office Spaced Ninja Turdles BIGGERqùUurlLink show me BIGGER!qúU!urlLink see bigger image CLICK MEqûhìUzguess who's back?! yes you got it right! Mase is back! check out his video! urlLink windows media urlLink real playerqüTyes, i wanna work with Apple. i need something that is gonna challenge me and keep me on my feet. i already can handle stress, so i wanna do something that is actaully gonna push me. i hope i hope i get a job there. gonna start applying the last 2 years of my grad. degree plan.qýUi want a saab!!! forget the vw!qþUkdo you think its dumb to want to get a new car cuaes you want to even though your got a new car already????qÿURyeah i miss my jetta. but, now i want a vw gti or golf. they are so uber cute!rT}i need a counter. can someone suggest any good counters that i can use or purchase? i dont know who is coming in and going out my site. help a brotha' would ya? btw, yeah. im gonna be working on the site more and more this summer. in the process of moving now so it might take me a while to jump at it. but yeah, got some great ideas. btw, if you want an email address let me know.rUúhere are some photos of our 4th of July thingy booper. now that im out of school for a couple of months time to update this site huh? ................... so i got an email asking me where i posted the pictures.... i forgot! silly me! enjoy! urlLinkrUurlLink uglypuppyrUurlLink ninja action frames!rUurlLink durr be durrrUÏHow could I forget this... The 11th Commandment that never made the Old Testament... 11. Thou shalt not not love The Pettit Project!! Head over to Pettit's website!!! http://thepettitproject.com bless!rXÿprounced: "pett-it" Alright, I know it's been awhile, but meh. July 6th, I went to a Fefe Dobson concert. If you don't know who Miss Dobson is, then you are a bigger loser than me... http://www.fefedobson.com. Btw, Fefe is not her *real* name, but a pet name coming from the proper "Felicity". Anyhow, I would not have gone to that concert if it wasn't for Julie K. who is my next door neighbour. She's a really nice person. Her eldest son, Dan, is Fefe's lead guitarist. So we went downtown to Capital Music Hall. It was a tiny little place, well tiny compared to like the NAC lol. It was about the size of a gymnasium. Okay so I was there, standing for like 10 minutes when the opening band (The Pettit Project) started. The lead singer dude, Scott Komer, is like 6'5", blonde and really, really queery. There's nothing wrong with queery people though. They played like all of their songs, about 8, I think. When they were done, I was happy that the night was almost through -- you see, I didn't particularly LOVE them (at that time), I was more worried if I was ever going to hear again. The loudness of the music was well... extreme. Next, Fefe came on and did all her schblewy -- that's a brand new word I just came up with -- w00t!! She was pretty awsome. She had one song, which she said was new, "Don't Go, Boys and Girls". It seemed to be about "boys should be with boys, girls should be with girls, and boys should be with girls", I think. I never really understood that one. I mean what does the title have to do with such a topic? ¿Don't Go? Afterwards, my mind sort of drifted -- like it does often -- and I started thinking about Pettit. I really wanted to get a CD. So I did. I made Scotty sign it. Yay! Anyway, they are all I can listen to now. I think I know all the words to the songs on that CD, as well as Mr. Obvious on http://purevolume.com/thepettitproject/music. These people absolutely rock my world. What is so amazing about Pettit, is that I was never really in love with rock music. Now I am. I have pretty much begun ditching rap, except d12 and eminem!! I haven't listened to much country or celtic or welsh or french or anything but Pettit, since I discovered them. So we can now say that July 6th, 2004ce was a life changing day for moi. Très bien. bless ye!rT]I don't like the fact that whenever I open up my access log, I get overwhelmed by the junk requests that waste my valueable bandwidth and harddrive spaces. They all tend to attempt to execute some code, which does not exist on my Linux box, and compromise my server. Apache is not vulnerable to those IIS-specific exploits, but they are annoying to hell nonetheless. A few google searches reveals that you can put a few lines in the config file that matches the requests to a regexp and redirect them to elsewhere if they are found to be malicious. They do work like a charm, well, but for only subset of the exploits. The nastiest "SEARCH /\x90\x02\xb1\x02\xb1\x02\xb1\x02\xb1\x02..." that easily takes hundreds of lines of my valueable log file space is still there. I'd really appreciate if some one could suggest an easy solution to get rid of this mess.rT‹urlLink Irssi Users List Archives (05/2003) - : DCC, ip_conntrack_irc.c and file names I always thought that it was a bug in irssi that prevented me from dcc-sending files with spaced filenames--until one day, I noticed a few lines in dmesg: Forged DCC command from x.x.x.x: 0.0.0.0:0 Forged DCC command from x.x.x.x: 0.0.0.0:0 Forged DCC command from x.x.x.x: 0.0.0.0:0 After some googling I found that the conntrack module chokes on spaced filenames... So far, my only workaroound is to rename the files so that spaces are replaced with underscore using the following one-liner: for file in *; do mv "$file" `echo "$file" | tr ' ' '_'`; doner Xmja: è¡€ 㡠見 ã¿ ã¦ã‡ã®ã‹ï¼Ÿ en: Wanna see blood? zh: 想見血嗎？ Pronunciation: chi-mee-T'HE-no-ka The usage of this phrase is self-explanatory, but whose blood it means is entirely up to the person the phrase is addressed to. Note: This entry contains RUBY annotations . Mozilla users need to download this plugin in order to view them.r TçurlLink Straw man - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Here is an example of Straw man technique: A: It is really hard to find a job in Vancouver. B: How do you explain my friend, who got employeed after only two weeks of searching? Sometimes you wonder why you just can't make the other party understand your point. In the example, B presents an anecdote which does not invalidate A's statement in anyway. Next time when you are in a debate, try identify as many straw men as posible.r XWell... åƒé‡Œä¹‹è¡Œå§‹æ–¼è¶³ä¸‹ã€‚—a thousand-mile-long journey begins with a single step. I have been comteplating on what to write, since this is my first post. Gotta take it seriously, you know. But then I realized that I shouldn't try so hard squeezing my ideas out of my brain just to fulfill some first post length requirement I made up on my own. That's just plain silly...r TŸC folks all love the null-terminated strings. They can do all sort of wonderful tricks to them such as inserting nulls at arbitrary positions to cut or deliminate the the strings. However, it is not the case in Java or .NET strings, where they are heavily protected and limited by their length field. If you are using Winforms on Windows, you will notice that the assemblies are simply the wrappers of the good old WIN32 API. If you try to make a text field display a string with Unicode 0x0000 in it, when it gets to the marshalling everything after the null character will get truncated. It's some interesting observation, but I have yet to find a use for this trick.r TÊmet up with my sup on thurs....everything seems ok......just that my results are not 'correct'! anyway he did say 'Good!' once........although i'm not sure if he really meant it. hopefully can find the bug that is causing the logic error and hopefully have better results. driving on fri was ok....think i have a better sense of the car's dimensions....but still can improve. knocked down the pole during parallel pole......shucks first time i did that......tot can keep a clean sheet. bought a new game....battlefield 1942......it's awesome.....the very big map plus u can control vehicles as well, plus of course the usual cs weapons. also have medic.....interesting though not that useful in single player games. sat played pool with ed and coy. haiz not much improvement...when i try to concentrate on placing the white ball.....the potting is lousy. when i try to pot...then the placing is like shit. not easy as i thought......definitely needs a lot of practice.rT)wow a week has past.....well funkamania last friday was not up to expectations. non of the groups really 'wowed' me....the best was KR dancers, for their humour and 'glow-in-the-dark' costumes....very innovative indeed. i think funk dancing shouldn't just be fast movements...there should be slow movements now and then....to emphasize the fast parts. if not everything will seem quite monotonous....and positioning and coordination is very important. if all the dancers move, dance together and in orderly manner....any move will look great. there should also be some interaction between dancers....not that impt though. went to play badminton with oak3 ppl on saturday. i was quite surprised sj sms me the day b4....for some small chat. i can't help but wonder why she's available on saturday to play badminton....shld be going out with her bf. i was more surprised when she said she's sick on sat....tot staying at home would be wiser. anyway was glad she was there.... the question mark over her current status keeps bothering me till now...most probably her bf is on overseas attachment. yah one more thing.....she looks great when just waking up.... watched hero with the usual movie gang....it was a little bit below my expectations but...the story is quite interesting. the fighting scenes are beautiful....not very exciting...just nice to watch. now looking forward to the matrix sequels....oh ya.....actually got a free chicken sandwich during the show as i was informed last minute abt the show. hmmm perhaps shld act blur the next time..then can get free meal....rT7wah so many days never log...slacking liao. anyway finally decided on the courses to take this sem...after much struggle. hope the os course is not very difficult. just completed medal of honor...great game!! reminds me syphon filter...the missions are quite similar. today's driving lesson was good...managed the parallel parking quite well....no poles down....gained some confidence as well. hope to pass it the first time.... never touch fyp for a while...gonna finish all the tests by this week....hopefully i have the will to do it.....it's getting more boring.rTxwed's driving lesson: keep close to the line before changing lane...that conveys the intention of changing lanes. i kept forgetting abt that one. then at evening time went for mel's bday celebration at fish and co. wow the fish and chips serving was huge....i was really full at the end. well the funny part was that cindy got a stool for mel....low cost due to the poor economy. then all of us wrote our bday greetings on the stool. oso the restaurant's staff made mel stood on a chair b4 we sang the bday song...quite embarassing for him. during dinner heard alot of comments abt IA....well seems that certain things dun change...rT1went to sch of computing for OS first lecture...quite blur...was late as well so dunno how to register modules. but saw quite a few chiobus of SoC...hmmm something diff compared to our lectures. haiz still can't make up my mind what to take. think os gonna be quiet time-consuming but it's related to embedded systems and i'm interested in knowing more abt that. think will make decision after going thru all the lectures this wk. mel bday tmr and going to celebrate at ex-tgif...dint know where that was at first. now birthdays more low-key liao...maybe ppl are short of money to buy presents. anyway it's good enough that oak3 have kept the tradition alive for so long liao..think abt 1 and 1/2 yrs. went to the astar website and saw some interesting stuff related to my future career. still dunno if research is the type of job for me....think i'm more a hands-on person. but seems that govt is pushing very hard for higher degrees and research. think may not be too difficult to get a scholarship for master or phd....but then i dunno whether i can do research or not.rTqfirst day of the last semester in sch...sianz. went to cn2 first lecture...realized there's a project worth 40% to be done...related to sockets programming. sounds interesting and challenging but tough too. tot some of my former classmates will be taking them but some went off during the break and some told me they not taking the module after the lecture. haiz...no kaki for the project. may also be good...the project may turn out to be too tough in the end. but not many choices left...planned to take 3 modules but looks like only 2 left....still have os and vlsi...hope they are easy modules....at least not tough ones.rTgsat nite met up with wf, zx, qh, yz and jf to have dinner at the ultra ex crystal jade kitchen at taka. but jf, who's back from his overseas attachment, was generous enough to subsidise 20 bucks for the rest of us. he earning big bucks overseas i believe. the service was quite lousy...we 6 ppl had to cramp into a table meant for 4...but the food was good, albeit a tad too expensive for students. after that it was warcraft time at far east building...the most 'ulu' lan game centre and billiards centre u can find in orchard. it was quite fun...pairing up with qh and beating the rest...haha...but then 2 of them are beginners so we were accused of bullying. then we play card games at the least expected place...inside orchard mrt. through playing 'bluff' we realised that zx never lies...even when the game demands it. later we played hearts...not bad coz i learnt a new card game. sun morning's soccer session was good. we discovered a new basketball court inside chong boon secondary sch. it was fenced up and the ground surface is good. the only problem was that.....it was DAMN HOT!!.. there's no shelter and with the 12pm sun scorching...it feels like playing in the Sahara desert...but overall it's good..we had the whole court to ourselves. then after soccer went to zr's cousin's hse for swimming. actually not swimming...just soaking in the water but there's a pool that can produce jets of water for messaging. it's really good...especially after a tiring workout...it's powerful enough so the messaging effect is there. definitely shiok....to top all that up....a nice cosy late afternoon nap at my king size bed...BEST!!!rTªwell after some experimenting with the blogger interface...finally my first attempt at blogging is successful!! still in the midst of figuring out why would people want to write their everyday life and thoughts and opinions for all to see. I have seen some and wow...i was quite surprised at the frankness of some. hmmm...guess i have to give it a try to see just what the appeal is. anyway dun think i will have the discipline to stick with the routine of weblogging. anyway to know more abt me just go to my homepage...that's all for now. btw am i writing for myself or for the reading pleasure of someone else? i haven't really tried writing a journal so it kinda feels strange.rTwwatched the sheares hall production on friday......except for the sexy gals on the show.....it was total crap.....the only redeeming thing was that there were gals wearing some skimpy outfits.....the songs sucked....so does some of the acting...... starting to feel the stress from the fyp project....presenting in about a weeks times. might as well also......do a final report and ppt then just need to present again to the examiner..... really sick of the project now.....dunno if it's me or the subject matter but......research seems boring. the past few days have been running simulations....it's amazing my computer can withstand all the processing. hopefully it doesn't crash.....can crash after ca4..... haiz just wanna get past march......onto april and it's left only the exams...... finally graduating soon.....i wonder the feeling that i will have after my last paper.....rT[wow a week has past....quite a hectic week of fyp simulations at home. actually my computer is more overworked than me. seems like my supervisor is stepping up the gear already....starting to feel a bit stressed. he is still not satisfied with the results. i think they are ok oredi....given that the original approach is already good enough. then the bloody driving test oso coming soon...shucks seems like everything all packed onto march. plus all the other modules assignments....term papers....tests and all that stuff....march is gonna be hard to bear man. still gonna send resumes and hope to find a job! wakau...cannot tahan liao.... hopefully can take things one at a time and finish everything on time.....haiz....engineering course so....prepare to slog for 4 yrs....which is very true....never believe my seniors but now realise it's the truth.rThaiz......did nothing for her during vday. actually was ready to carry out the plan on vday morning....roses and the mp3 cd. but met her online on thurs nite and.....somehow i feel the pressure to ask her out for dinner. she said she didn't have presents and no dates...which surprised me actually. then kenna rejected. at first she seems undecided...but then at last it was a firm no. haiz....she oso mentioned something abt leading ppl on. oops...is she implying that she is leading me on? and the prevent further misunderstanding...she cannot go out with me? although i had told myself in my mind that i will not be affected by her, the fact is that i can't control the disappointment and bad feelings after the rejection of the date. the feeling that i had a yr plus ago was back....that same feeling of admiration, despair, doubt. i feel like going all out to woo her...but i can't accept the failure. i noe that a failure here will lead to loss of concentration to do any other things....school work in particular. she is just unique....no one ever comes close. is she really the one in my life? i must admit that i do not fully understand her...but i oso do not fully understand why i like her....it's hard to describe...it's the whole package. i wonder if i will ever meet someone like her again.rT`now having doubts if i can execute the plan properly....there's the problem of getting flowers at a place near her house. i wouldn't want to carry flowers while taking the mrt....then there is the problem of whether giving her a cd of mp3s would be too lame....she might think of it as cheapo. anyway i just want to give her something different...something that she can use and able to enjoy.... actually shld give chocolate...instead of roses....coz that may be too strong....'intention' wise. chocolates should be quite neutral rite....at least won't be embarassed if i have been getting wrong signals....rT7suddenly have this impulse of sending her a stalk of rose and a cd of mp3s.....consisting of love songs. i wonder if it will be a pleasant surprise.....or a rude surprise...... in any case....i really wish that she would be happy this vday. at least she gets appreciated on that day...thinking of going to her house early in the morning to give her everything. but that would mean i have to wake up sibe early.... i'm oso scared that i have getting the wrong signals all the while......till now i still think that alot of guys interested in her.....esp in oak3.....rT¢the fact that she sms me during the badminton last time....the fact that she sat next to me during the dinner.....the fact that she tried to strike a conversation with me....are these hints that she has a liking, perhaps small, towards me??.. i am struggling with the decision to ask her out on vday....that's one. the 2nd is thru what.....sms or thru phone. icq would be very lame.....but it will seem out of the blue leh. from no dates to a date on vday itself....that's a rather big jump. that's what i want to avoid...jumping the gun. suddenly had this idea of creating a mini-cd that has love songs in mp3 as a gift for her. main motive is to make her feel appreciated this vday...coz she may be feeling quite low. but dunno how to pass to her...wait for her at her hse? that may be too aggressive. oso she may feel strange....that is if she dunno i still like her.... haiz only 4 days left....somemore got fyp to do.....rTi icq msg her to tell her abt the forum thingie....oso asking her if she's fine. next day eagerly went to check if she replied. nope...although she's oredi online liao. haiz a bit disheartened....seems that she's ignoring me. so went online and started a small chat. learnt abt her r/s.....small jokes here and there and oso some serious talking. i feel that i still like her.....but she mentioned she's scared of r/s now....backing out from potential ones. think that's what she said. haiz.....really just want to go up to her and hug her...that kind of feeling. i wonder if she's even the slightest attracted to me. think she has quite a number of suitors...i dunno where i rank among them but my r/s with her is definitely not very close. there r some guys who are much closer to her. at least that's the impression i get lar. today went to my aunt's place for dinner....as usual every yr....and yeah.....i was forced to eat a portion that is beyond filling. that's fine for me in the past but now i dun really like to get too full....full is just enough. so a bit dulanz....they still treating me as if i'm an adolscent.....'eat more, young man shld be able to eat more'..... this yr really no mood.....dun even bother to talk to my so-called stepsis......just wanna go home and watch epl matches.rTsit's such a coincidence....the question over sj's status was still at the back of my mind. then as i was surfing the funkygrad forum....happen to read a thread which was exactly what i guessed had happened. and curiosity got the better of me....and i went to check the icq number....and it turns out that it was really her who wrote the msg. how taiko can that be!!...seems to me that the chance is extremely small..... dunno why but my heart was pounding when i sat next to her during dinner on sat....i can still feel that liking towards her....just that it was not as strong as the beginning when i just noe her lar. but then again i was oredi rejected once.....if that one can be termed a 'proper' proposal....heard somewhere that if kenna rejected, can basically forget abt it liao.... i just wished i hadn't done what i have done that time....think i got out of control then.rTthe first day of cny was just as expected.....same places, same ppl.....it's been a year but then it seems like i met them not long ago. think i cannot feel the cny mood....long extinct in me. even getting hongbaos feels like a routine...just a custom, tradition. the meaning is long gone....anyway i'm more interested in meeting my maternal aunties and uncles. at least can see my small cousins....i'm guilty of not knowing some of my cousins' names. especially those who are borne recently. 2nd day was more boring.....woke up at 11am.....slept at 4pm....woke up at 7pm.....haiz raining mah so feeling a bit cozy on the bed. played pool with ed and jw they all.....first time that i saw some of their gfs....haiz seems like only wl and i unattached there. then had supper at a prata shop opp beauty world...finally knew where that is. prata so so only......but came to know of many prata.....what tissue p, paper p, planta p......those indians very creative. even the beverages' names are interesting.....milo dinosaur....milo godzilla.....wakau......rTIbattlefield 1942 is very addictive....think i played it for most of the time this week....other than doing some runs for my fyp. there are many levels to it....so many vehicles to learn and different types of soldiers as well. starting to use the medic...which i think is quite good since i can heal myself. and the ak-like submachine gun is not bad too. cny reunion dinner was special this year for a couple of reasons. first...it's the first time that it's held in my house...usually it's at my uncle's house, which is rather old liao at redhill. secondly...we had steamboat...also a first coz usually it's meat, soup and the same old usual stuff that one of my relative cook every year....and i mean EVERY year....it's the same. so it's different this year. lastly, it's the first time since 10 yrs that i had reunion dinner with 'mum'....now it's not my actual mum but then the feeling of a family is more complete than yrs before. actually it's kind of boring....coz the routine for each year is almost the same, if not THE same....even the order with which we visit my father's brother and sister is the same. this year is not going to be different either....just that there's going to be a jc class gathering....hmm wonder how have the others changed...esp the girls coz just met some of the guys recently. that's something different this year.rT well.....final it's time to hand up the fyp report. haiz so glad that it's going to be over.....now aiming for ca4 to pass. and then get it out of my mind.... then there's the exam.....last hurdle......must jump pass. got the driving licence liao. it was posted to me.....hmmm looks really nice......got holograms on it. but then i wonder when will i get to actually drive my own car. seems that i having writer's block now.....dunno what to write. must be due to the fact that i wake up 6am in the morning... she's online now.....but dun feel like msging her. i bet she's toking to those 2....they seems to be online when she's online.....or is it i'm too suspicious??....anyway i'm balding and my complexion looks like shit so.....probably dun stand one tiny bit of chance.r T6well today's presentation was quite ok....at least i felt so. although he asked alot of questions...most of them are answerable....just some clarifications here and there. actually i forgot one crucial thing....to smile! i think i must have appeared too serious....makes the atmosphere a bit tense i guess. anyway there was the usual 'good!' exclamation at the end....i think it's an encouraging sign..... hopefully will have the will to continue doing somemore things......ya need to download the papers that was emailed to me.... one whole xiong week is finally over.....phew........now left ca4 and the final exam......then it's the end of one phase of my life. i'm not sure i'm prepared to enter to the next but.....just have to take things as they come i guess. my hair's thinning and i'm still feeling lousy abt this.....thinking of getting medicine but tot of the continuous cost every month associated with it. is my hair worth 200 maybe 300 dollars per mth? or rather is my self-esteem worth that much?.....think it's a decision that is postponed time after time....r!Ti passed my driving test!!!.....it came as a shock when the examiner told me that i passed. actually as i was driving back...towards the end of the route, i noticed him dozing off...i tot i had an immediate failure somewhere during the beginning. Actually i nearly mount the kerb during the perpendicular parking.....i just went forward and did it my own way....tot that would amount to immediate failure. also at the very beginning....i fumbled at the emergency brake. stepped on the accelerator instead of the brake!!! but other than this 2 incident....everything was rather smooth....yah one more thing is that i crossed the junctino during amber light. but i cannot stop in time. think it's my lucky day....hopefully the ca3 presentation tmr goes smoothly as well.....this week very stressed...r"T¡today's driving lesson was ok.....settled the problem of giving him excess money last week. he oso dint know that i paid the driving fees in advance....dunno if he's acting blur or what.....but anyway i pointed it out and he accepted it so....still ok...... fyp project now running dry of ideas liao......tink that's abt the best that i can do.....now just compile whatever results that i have and then present to him on wednesday. think it will be a bit late to change the algorithm... have been sending job applications through the email and so far.....no replies......haiz. i wonder if it's down the 'recycle bin'.....anyway think i need to touch up on my resume......r#Tplayed soccer this morning....it's been a while since the last session. fyp getting quite sian....dunno what grade i will get....dun even noe his impression he has of me....haiz think i will just settle for a B+.....and a second upper honors...... i m thinking of her again.....i wonder if she's going out with someone now.....but i'm really busy now and i can't be distracted....especially now when the fyp and driving test ard the corner....wish march can end faster..... sometimes i wonder why i'm so persistant.....what's the point when she has said that we r only frens? there is only her is my heart.....and i can't allow anyone in.....i feel connected to her in a way i haven't and won't probably feel with some othe gals...yet....i can't force her to like me....r$Tehad the os quiz today....sibe tough. and i still dun like the lecturer's cold jokes and smug face....although he's ok as a lecturer. now it's time to revise for the exams that are coming.... qh,wf and zx came to watch manu vs newcastle match.....wow it's a 6-2 thrashing by the devils!!!...quite an unexpected scoreline.....hmmm i smell trouble for the gunners this coming thursday.....when they'll play manu in the deciding match of the league champion. she's not sending any emails recently.....i wonder if something has happened. is she attached oredi??......haizzz......and i'm gonna feel sad once again....r%T-wow it's been so long......yeah!!>...ca4 is over!!!..........though i dun think i did quite well. he wasn't that impressed with my work but then......it's over so..... now it's only the exams..... the exam is round the corner liao......need to start my revision soon......thankfully, vlsi not much material....os open book.....bio quite jialat.....law oso.....so think will concentrate on that 2.... recently.....got hooked onto warcraft again......seems like theres alot of tactics unexplored. hmmm.....i having writer's block now....hai continue tmr....r&T]As I begin my working life, I am starting to ponder about the real meaning of working. What is the main objective of working? First of all, is it just a means to earning money? Should I try to get a job that is unbearable but gives me more money? I think I will hestitate to place money as the top criteria. Since I spend more time working than spending the money that I earn, the job should be at least satisfying. To me, people that work hard will spend hard. But is there a need to be this extreme? Why not work reasonably hard and not spend too much? And in the process, have some time out to engage in other more personal and fulfilling interests. Then again, why not make your job THE personal and fulfilling interest? That would be ideal, but I guess not many people can achieve that. The main reason is practicality (money earned may be less), and also figuring out what is really worth the time and effort. Then comes the next question, is work more important than my personal life and leisure? Do I really want to forgo time that can spent enjoying life or having the company of friends, in my office? The company is not going to take care of you when you are sick, when you are retrenched. So why put in so much effort and time on something that doesn't really care? I wonder why so many people put so much effort in their work when they should be watching their children grow up, spending time with their spouses and old friends. Is it because they are just trying hard to make a living, and the jobs nowadays demand more of people? Or are they just really so interested in what they are doing? I always feel that even the most interesting thing will get boring when you do it day in day out for many years. Does it mean that I will change job every few years? And lose the security that comes with job? Or will I adapt so well and become reluctant to switch job scope?r'T£I had my lunch today, all alone. Seems like it's going to be like that in the days to come. Actually, it wouldn't be that bad if the canteen is not that crowded. Today, the canteen was packed when I went, and everyone was yakking away. Felt really alone...perhaps it's because usually will meet up with wave people during lunch. I think it's the pressure from my boss that's making me feel uptight. He's always iterating to me that I must learn fast. Well, can't he just leave me some space to breathe! I know what he expects already, so leave me alone. He asked for a weekly report...what the hell am I supposed to write! Anyway, I hope I can learn the basic by this week.r(TpI am thinking about the motivation to work, and it seems that the motivation has to come from somewhere that is outside of that person. I mean, he can be working to provide a good life for his family, gain recognition from his friends, earn money to satisfy material needs. Does anyone really work for the job itself, because the job is interesting and challenging? Or does anyone work to prove to himself that he is capable? I don't think people really enjoy their work, or at least the majority of the people. But perhaps, they have grown used to doing it that somehow, they stick with it. In the end, it's the pay they get that's more important than the job itself. For a guy with a girlfriend, I would think that in the initial years of his career, the motivation of working is to earn money so that enough can be saved for marriage. Marriage is not cheap here. Then after that, it would be working to earn money for raising children, which is also quite expensive. So for such a guy, the motivation to work is there. However, for a guy without a girlfriend, the motivation is less clear. Will he be motivated to climb up the ladder so that girls would start to notice him more? By the time he reach there, he'll be over 30 I believe, and that age I think is a bit over the suitable marriage age. And if he spends all his effort on his work, he'll not have time to scout for a partner.r)TEWith just over five days to go before I split for urlLink Ronneby , I'm having a modern dilemma - what media to take! Ten days without some familiar sounds and visions will really do my head in, so I've been busy ripping and compressing CDs and DVDs ready for bundling onto the work laptop and the PDA. As I'm also taking my camera I'll need to get a power converter for the battery charger, as well as some more Compact Flash cards. Cripes knows what the custom guys will say when I go through the airport security scans with all that electrical gear stashed in the rucksack...r*UWWent to Liverpool to get my passport today. Ronneby here I come! urlLink urlLinkr+TÇHave you noticed how many more really fat people there are waddling about these days? Now, before I get lynched by tubby lard arses calling me an insensitive pig who's pandering to the advertising industry myth of slinky people with perfect nostrils laughing beautifully as they have multiple orgasms in their designer jet fighters, let me differentiate. I'm not talking about people such as yours truly who have some extra poundage that could be lost if we weren't keyboard-bound geeks who didn't exercise, or your cuddly work mate who has a weakness for lasagne, or your family member with the chemical imbalance. No. I'm talking about those lumpy, congealed behemoths that somehow manage to hyperventilate themselves out of their groaning Nissan Micras before thudding off towards the frozen foods section with their shuddering buttocks scraping and squeaking past one another like battling mice trapped inside a sweaty pair of knickers. An example. Me and Gerard went for a walk around urlLink Dunham Massey Park and Gardens today. It's nice place. The squirrels are tame, and so are the staff. But the glory of the flowers and the trees and merry little woodland creatures was soured a little bit every five minutes or so as we were brought face to face with another visitor from Planet Michelin. We saw so many blubbery chins and felt the earth shake so many times that we thought we'd arrived at Fat Bastards' Convention 2004. Now, I could present theories on why these people are as they are, such as abused as a child, insecure personality, social exclusion leading to inappropriate diet and similar, and I could quote from The Gospel According To Saint Oprah by referring to them as Persons of Weight Challengement, Victims of Image Expectation, Body Prisoners or some other evasive moniker. But, I won't. They're fat people who eat too much. And there's more of them. And they're everywhere. And you're next. Just thought I'd get that off my chest. Have a nice day.r,TçOn June 1, I'll be off to Sweden to attend the urlLink TeleCities Summer Event 2004 in urlLink Ronneby . It's a urlLink work trip, but I'm really looking forward to it as it's my first ever trip abroad, and it'll only be the third time I've flown. In these days of cheap flights and cheaper accommodation, it might sound a bit odd for a 36 year old, fairly well off chap like me to tramping off on his virgin voyage to the land of Johnny Foreigner, but I've had my reasons. (Such as looking after my insane old mother, having a succession of crap jobs that didn't pay enough, and other wrist-slittingly depressing reasons I won't bore you with here.) I've been trying to find information about the places to stay and where to play over in Ronneby, but can't find much on the web. I've no intention of just hanging about the hotel if there's an intersting rock formation or two nearby, and as my boss Phil will also have itchy feet I'll have someone to go 'ooh' and 'aah' will at all the new stuff they'll be to see. Of course, my camera will be coming along, so expect lots of pictures of hairy beasts and pretty flowers on this here blog in the latter part of June. (As long as I remember to get a UK to European mains power converter, that is.)r-X9I've gone and done it again. This time, I'm on Blogger. Why the move? Well... TypePad was costing me about £6 a month and Blogger is free. Blogger's templates are nicer and (after a quick look under the hood) I think I may be able to hack a template of my own. Not earth shattering reasons, but there we are.r.TäThat's right. After years on the web I've finally got urlLink my own domain . What's more, it's hosted by those cool and froody urlLink TextDrive guys. And I'll be using urlLink Textpattern as my CMS. And, thanks to urlLink work , I've got a urlLink Vodafone 3G card to stick in my Tablet PC for "testing" purposes next week whilst over in urlLink Amsterdam . (Cue huge bandwith bill and a fight with the boss.) Life is suddenly looking like it knows where it's towel is.r/TSurlLink This book got it's claws into me as I was doing my usual "wander round Waterstone's checking out the books I'm going to buy cheapear at Amazon" routine yesterday. It's so good that I bought it there and then. My favourite photo from the book is urlLink reproduced online . The book's only a tenner, so what are you waiting for?r0T/Sweden and Denmark are so two weeks ago, so now I'm off to join the Adaptive Path gang in urlLink Holland . Also, this blog's days are numbered. I'm waiting for the button's to be pressed over at urlLink TextDrive , then manhog.net will no longer be a dream once had by a crazy kid from the sticks...r1U¦Post-return thoughts on Sweden and Denmark will follow as soon as I've finished the washing and ironing but, to while away the time, check out urlLink Swankola.com .r2XWell, here I am in Sweden. Ronneby is very nice, very clean and appears to be very crime free. (What the Ronneby bad boys seem to do for kicks is drive around in open top American cars playing alt.country, sort of loud.) Unfortunately, it's also very small. It kind of reminds me of Lytham, only with more trees. The flight out was nice (after being frisked by security as my steel toe caps set the metal detectors off). The sights of the flight were clouded out (with the occasional contrails and sun devils), until we got close to the Danish coast, when the clouds parted to reveal a very, very long, very, very nice beach. Memories of the Danish landscape included a field looking like a shattered glass window, flat, lots of farms fields, which all seemed to have a square area set aside in them (maybe it’s a law), quarries, islands, lakes and seas, boats and windmills. Coming into land at Copenhagen Airport was quite fun, as the plane kept banking to lose altitude, which meant flying low over the sea (or was it a lake?), and I thought I kept seeing whales surfacing, but it was only waves. After the three hour train trip, we arrived at the Ronneby Brunn Spa hotel - very nice, but reminds me of The Overlook Hotel from The Shining, lots of red carpets and long hallways. Went for a walk on Tuesday afternoon to scope the place out, and ended up on a hill overlooking the hotel. urlLink urlLink Anyway, the conference I'm here to attend is in full swing at the moment, so I've got to wrap this up before the afternoon workshops sessions start, which are all about tedious but necessary things such as interoperability and e-enabling your cat. I've only managed to post this blog as the conference centre has broadband and free network connections lying around. No Internet in the Hotel, though there is porn per view. (90 Swedish krona a day. Cheap! Ya ya!) More to come, if I can get another connection...r3T‹You should realise that everywhere in London is a complete mystery to me and because of the diversity of the place it's an adventure every time I head in to town. But even so, it's quite strange stepping out of a tube station in the middle of London, walking about 200 metres up the road, and suddenly feeling like you could be in some small town or village in the middle of Somerset (or somewhere equally not-London). But that's what I managed to do yesterday as I walked through Highgate. The reason I was making my way (fairly quickly -- I was late) through that area of North London was because I was going to a preview show of Ade's new play "SUCCESS" at the urlLink Gatehouse theatre -- a one man show written and starring the man himself. I've never been to a small-scale production like that before (and considering there were only about 20 people there it was very small), but enjoyed thoroughly enjoyed myself. Ade's off up to Edinburgh next week for the Fringe festival and let's hope for another award for him! Another bonus of the night was that we sorted out who got which room in the house -- I got the middle room I was after! Hooray!r4T²For someone new to London (or just visiting as I have in the past) the London Underground is a saviour (despite being hot, crowded and late). Get a travelcard and you can just from one place to another without any problem at all. But the problem with navigating London via the tube is that it gives a totally skewed impression of the Geography of the place. People get the tube when walking would have taken half the time, if only they knew where they were going. For example, in the past I've gone from Tottenham Court Road to Covent Garden by getting the Northern line to Leicester Square and then changing on to the Picadilly line. Now, that probably took about 25 minutes, but if I'd just walkd I could have done it in 15. Ish. A couple of weeks ago I bought an A-Z which has put a few things into perspective, but for the most part I'm still stuck on tube-geography. Yesterday I came across a urlLink handy little web page which gives a number of tube maps, including a urlLink geographically correct map of the underground . Nice to see, but doesn't really give you an impression of how you can get from place to another. But also included on that page is a PDF of the urlLink geographical map superimprosed onto a street map ! It shows landmarks, train stations and railway lines, tube stop and lines, all in the correct locations, so now you really can see just how quick it would have been to walk instead of fighting the commute!r5T2Some people move to London for a job. Others, for a better life, or to be closer to friends and family. So what about me? Why did I decide up head into the big smoke? Well, to be honest, because I was bored. There's only so much sitting around watching TV you can do without going a little stir crazy... So how did it start? Well, for the last few months I've been unsettled and had been thinking about getting out on my own for a while, but with prices of everything soooo expensive around here, it wasn't really an option. But then I got an email from Laura saying she was moving to London for a job and did anyone want to join her. My reaction? "Why the hell not?". A few weeks later, we met at Clapham Junction along with Ade, and within a few hours (yes, we were that lucky) we'd found somewhere perfect for all of us! All we have to do now if finish wrangling with the agent about the contract and move it! Woo hoo! I'm kinda doing the commuting thing, but backwards -- I'm happy with my job and see no reason to change it, so every morning I'll be getting the train out of London to Windsor and then repeating but in reverse in the evening. Doing that gives me a slightly quieter day day the chance to experience London in the evenings and weekends. I know plenty of people around and to be honest am looking forward to just being able to go to the pub for a quick drink, or head into the center and go to the Science Museum (where I've not been since I was about 12). Until recently, I'd actually shunned the idea of moving to London as something that I would never do (I'm not a "big places" person) but for some reason I thought I'd give it a go. I'm young, free and not tied down, so why not experience something a bit different now while I've got the chance? And if I don't like it, well, the contract's only a year...r6TeI managed to scrape up some money yesterday and purchased Sleuth from Larry (of Face2Face Games). I think the artwork and quality of the game are super, although the linen of the cards are a bit too textured for my liking. If you hold them a certain way, the light will glare off of the card and make it difficult to read the card. This is such an improvement over the old 3M version of the game which had almost no artwork to speak of. I think this is one of the things that I like best about Face2Face; they take the time and extra effort (read money) into making an already good game that much better. I'm sure that Sleuth would have sold well if it was just a reprint of the 1967 3M game. The attention to detail and improvement on presentation should make this a hit. The family took the new version out for a 'spin' this afternoon and had a pretty good time. The game is a bit much for Julia (age 6) but she's understanding some of the ideas. She insists playing, though, so three-cheers for her tenacity! I also finished reading Dean Koontz's latest " The Taken ". I'll give it a 3 out of 5 stars. If it wasn't for the ending, which tied the story up nicely, I'd have rated a one. To me, this just didn't stand up to the enjoyment, that I've come to expect, from a Dean Koontz book. I'm usually struck by the characters in one of his yarns. There's always at least one character that I'm drawn to, and whom I'm interested in following. The Taken just doesn't have the 3D characterization that I'm used to. Granted the tale takes place for the most part over a time span of less than a day, and the action is roller-coaster paced. So, what can I expect? I guess I was just hoping for more. Perhaps a longer novel would have sated my appetite. I'm now on to read Stephen King's Dreamcatcher . Looks like alien conquest stories are filling some need. :)r7TÕIt's been quite a busy couple of days. Work has had me zooming between Providence, RI and Newport three times so far. Luckily the day is almost over so I'm kind of coasting into the weekend. Had rehearsal over at the Mason's lodge on Wednesday and had a great time. I really enjoy being with the guys and learning the protocols of opening and closing the lodge is very interesting. I'm learning that my ability to do an 'about-face' is lacking. Note to self... Don't wear rubber-soled shoes on meeting nights. They have the propensity to grip the carpet when doing an about-face which I'm sure will eventually send me spilling to my keester in front of everyone. Funny thing with all of this is that I was asked to be Senior Steward, instead of Junior Steward. Honestly, I didn't really know what each office did, but I'm finding out that the Senior Steward, among other things, takes care of the kitchen and the meals for the lodge. I'm kind of looking forward to do that, although I'm quite sure that it is going to take up a goodly chunk of time. Lori, though, is quite supportive so it doesn't look like it is going to be any hardship. I've also been spending my lunches with Larry at the Game Keeper. It's usually always quite interesting visiting him and seeing the folks that wondering into the store. Sid Sackson's Sleuth is now for sale. I'd really like to get it, but we're a bit short on funds at the moment. I'm going to call Lori to see if we can scrape up enough so we can get it for the weekend. It would be fun to play while at the park with the kids. I'm also hoping I can get a picnic setup in the next few weeks to have some friends over to the park and either play lawn type games or board games. More later.r8XëI decided to start this blog up again. Why? WellÂ… I guess IÂ’m enjoying reading about what other people are doing and I'm finding that I donÂ’t spend nearly enough time reflecting about what IÂ’m doing / or have done. Hopefully this will slow things down a bit and allow me to look back and say "Wow, I guess I really did do something last week!" This evening was spent pretty much investigating (still a lot more to go) what a successful blog looks like. urlLink RebeccaÂ’s Pocket looks like a really good one. I'm still kind of lost on what to write about. My day as a Computer Network Analyst isn't really worth sharing. Basically I drive from one place to the next fixing computer hardware, software, and network problems for doctors. I guess the most important thing that I've learned from working on a job like this is to always keep an even keel, even when the client is flipping out, and also to keep the ol' ego in check; realizing that I don't know everything about computers and that each day is a learning experience. I'm toying with the idea of setting up 2 blogs. One (this one) to focus on the things that I enjoy, and the second to focus on health issues. I'm the kind of guy who has many interests, but I have this character fault in that I seem to spend more time reading about my hobbies and interests more than I actually participate in them. There's got to be a label for this kind of behavior, but the name escapes me. (If you happen to know what it is, please let me know.)r9UÉA New Legacy , Segment I: The Newbie completed The title says it all. Click urlLink here to read it, or go to the urlLink A New Legacy section if you haven't read the rest of the segment yet.r:TSite design improvements... I made a minor change that should help make the link text on the sidebar on the left side of this page easier to read. If you are having issues with any aspect of the site, feel free to urlLink drop me a line with your suggestions. Thanks!r;TþWelcome to the Continuum Fanfiction Network, version 2.0! OK, I think I finally got most of the site working (if not all of it). Hope you like the new design; it's quite a bit more organized than the previous incarnation (and looks a hell of a lot better, to boot). A few pages in the urlLink A New Legacy section got slagged in the process, they'll be back when they're actually needed for the story (pilot/squad profiles, the Continuum Challenge section). That part done, time to finish up Segment I!r<TfSite update in progress... The site is undergoing a complete redesign; access to the original pages is possible through the links at the top of this page, but you may have to use the "Back" button on your browser to return to this page. This issue should only be a problem for the next couple of hours until I have completed updating all pages on the site.r=TÌAs anyone who has been following the story has figured out by now (all four or five of you), it's been a while since there's been any sort of progress made on urlLink A New Legacy . I haven't forgotten about the story, it's simply been sitting on the back burner for a bit due to RL issues (work, and getting ready for a six-month "pleasure cruise" to the Gulf...). I hope to have something up by mid-week, if I haven't gone insane by then, that is... x_xr>TFound this little gem hidden in a corner over at the urlLink Chaos Zone website. This one's been around for a while, and I couldn't resist putting it up here. urlLink YKYPTMSSW... (dang, that's cumbersome) is up in the urlLink Other Works section, check it out!r?T<I've created a new urlLink subsection where I can post miscellaneous news, opinions, links, or whatever happens to be on my mind at the time. On the fanfiction front, work on urlLink A New Legacy , Segment II: Trial By Fire is being continued after an extended hiatus. Look for the opening part sometime in the next week or two. In the meantime, thanks to everyone who has been posting or sending in their profiles; I'll work on getting them formatted and posted within the next couple days. Thanks for your support, and here's hoping that the story will go on!r@T¬Pilot and squadron profiles needed! For those of you who want your Subspace/Continuum persona or squadron to appear in urlLink A New Legacy , or if you have already been mentioned, please send me a short profile to include: -Nickname/Name of Squadron -Creator/Owner (Squad only) -Length of time playing Subspace/Continuum or since squadron was created -Favorite Zone(s) -Favorite ship(s) -Brief description of your Subspace/Continuum experiences and/or the history of your squadron Send your profiles via e-mail to urlLink chaoswing@continuum-fics.net . If you do NOT wish to have your nickname and/or squadron featured in A New Legacy , I strongly encourage you to e-mail me with such requests. Work continues on Segment II, Part 1; keep an eye on this address for further updates. Thank you to everyone who has supported me with story ideas, design points, and even simply following the story to this point...I appreciate it!rATÆThe answer to that question can be found here (snipped from the description of the photo): urlLink USS Nimitz (CVN 68) and Carrier Air Wing Eleven (CVW-11) carry out flight operations in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. Internet access alone is tenuous, without the futile efforts in getting the FTP working to keep anything but the opening page of the site updated. Therefore, until some solution can be devised, updates to the urlLink continuum-fics.net domain (with the exceptions of the Spectator Mode page, and the one you're reading now; these are based on urlLink Blogger urlLink , which only requires HTTP access) are being suspended. However, don't think that this means work on the story itself is being halted; on the contrary, progress is still being made, though at a somewhat slower pace (given my lack of ability to actually play the game the story is based on). That all being said, keep having fun, and I'll be back before you know it.rBTThe war, insofar as the major campaign goes, is more or less over. [EDIT 5/27/04: If only I could have known just how wrong I was...] The majority of the troops are looking forward to packing up and heading home, and the lion's share of the naval force (3 of 4 carriers in the Gulf) have headed back to their respective homeports. How does this affect both myself and the future of CF.Net? Well, in all honesty, not very much. The Nimitz remains on station in the Arabian Gulf, and is likely to stay here for the foreseeable future; with only about two months completed of a scheduled deployment, we're unlikely even to consider to pull back into San Diego until very late this year. That being said, I will continue every effort to continue work on A New Legacy , as well as another couple of non-SS projects I am working on, and hope to have everything back in working order upon my return to the mainland. It pains me to have the site gathering cobwebs while I'm away, but there's nothing to be done; hopefully, I will be able to make up for lost time once I get back home. I've gotta run; keep the game fun, and I'll see you all again in a few months!rCTû I've been sending out e-mails to folks back home for the last few months; I figure I might as well let the rest of you know what's been going on out here ever since I unceremoniously disappeared. First off, "here" at the moment is somewhere in the middle of the Arabian Gulf aboard the aircraft carrier USS Nimitz (CVN-68). We've been deployed since March 3, and we're looking at staying out here until sometime between September and November. Since we pulled out of San Diego, we've steamed halfway around the world, conducting flight operations, drills, and other training in preparation for going on-station in the Gulf. We began supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom before we actually arrived in the Gulf, sending a pair of F-18 Super Hornets to the carrier Abraham Lincoln (which we later relieved). Since that time, Nimitz has conducted flight operations over Iraq almost non-stop, supporting coalition ground troops and projecting an airborne presence in Iraqi airspace. The Nimitz Strike Group has also conducted three successful portcalls in the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain, and is looking forward to at least a few more before we depart for home. Conditions in this area of the world are fairly harsh; temperatures shipwide average anywhere from 80-120 degrees, and our proximity to the desert makes airborne dust a constant source of headaches (particularly down in the propulsion plant, where I work; when we first got to the Gulf there were occasions where you could actually see clouds of dust blow through the plant as we passed through the remnants of a sandstorm). We've managed to work our way past that problem, but only through constant hard work and vigilance. We've had a few visits from notable figures in the past few months; the names include Conan O'Brien, General Tommy Franks (Commander, U.S. Central Command), Wayne Newton, Neil McCoy, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, Alyssa Milano, and R. Lee Ermey (Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in "Full Metal Jacket"). Some of us wanted Arnold Schwartzenegger to fly out here, but it looks like that probably ain't happening. Oh, well. That's about it for now. There's not that much going on out here right now, but I'll keep posting stuff semi-regularly for y'all to keep up with. Hope this'll tide you over until we pull back in and I can get back to work on the story in earnest (I've got some other plans for the site as well, but those'll have to wait as well). Keep pulling for us out here, and I'll be back in a few more months for you to play target practice with. ;)rDTÅWithin the next week, I'll be posting another of my works in progress on CF.Net. It's not SS/Continuum-related, but given the dearth of content on this site, I figure it'll make a decent addition anyway; at the very least, it'll give the two or three occasional visitors something else to look at besides the usual random, not-too-informative posts on this page and the first segment of A New Legacy that's been there since the beginning of the year...rETRI'm tweaking some of the site's design characteristics in an attempt to make it somewhat easier to maintain (I exported the generic site stylesheet that was in the header of every page to a single CSS stylesheet, which they are now linked to instead; this should make sitewide design tweaks much less of a hassle...). I've also moved SpecMode to the site's root directory, due to the inability of my current FTP uploader to access the subdirectory. Bleh. In the meantime, I'm looking into new site designs; if anyone out there feels like lending a helping hand, I'd love to hear your inputs.rFTzJust a sidenote...I've been having a bit of trouble with outgoing email with two accounts, using four different programs on two different computers (my Tablet PC and my PowerBook G4), and both Earthlink's and DomainDirect's online setup guides have been useless in troubleshooting my problems. If anyone reading this has any idea what may be wrong, I would appreciate any suggestions. In the meantime, any e-mail correspondence on my part will have to be done via webmail, so those very few of you who use email to contact me, keep that in mind when waiting for a reply; also, I'll be out of town for about a week, with no cable connection...so I probably won't be doing any sending/receiving until I get back, because I hate doing webmail on dialup connections. That being said, I'll continue working offline on the new site design, and hopefully it should be done within a week or two.rGTõHiya folks. No, I'm not dead (as just about anyone visiting the site in the last week or so have probably realized). No, this site is not dead, either. It has simply been on hiatus for the past eight months or so while I was gone on deployment. That being over with, I intend to try to make up for lost time. Work on A New Legacy will re-commence soon, along with a couple non-SS-related projects I've got in the works. Just be patient with me, and I'll get everything back up to speed ASAP.rHUçOK, as you have probably noticed, I still don't have the new story up yet. I've been working on a couple of other projects, at this site's expense. Well, I hereby resolve to have New Horizons online at CF.Net before year's end.rIUmChapters urlLink 2 , urlLink 3 , and urlLink 4 are up. Profiles and other info will start going up soon!rJUåurlLink Chapter 1 is up (finally!), and chapters 2 and 3 will be joining it as soon as I get them formatted. It's a bit different from the norm, but I figure it'll help fill in the gap from the lack of A New Legacy updates...rKTIt would seem that I haven't updated here in quite a while. BUT...this site isn't quite dead yet! New Horizons should be updated with part 5 within the next couple days, which should start the process of bringing the Continuum Fanfiction Network back up to speed! In other news: urlLink Spectator Mode , the segment of CF.Net in which I post pretty much anything I darn well please, has been splintered off onto its own domain, and can now be reached at: urlLink http://www.specmode.net . Well, enough plugging for me...back to writing!rLUÚWell, darn it...I went and forgot to update the rest of the site to match the new format. Oops. ^_^; I'd better get to work on that, quick-like! Oh, and I'll format and post New Horizons chapter 5 while I'm at it.rMTeWhoa...didn't realize that it had been so long since I've done anything with this site. Well, that's gonna change right now. As you can tell, I've changed the site template to something a bit easier on the eyes, and the changes aren't gonna stop there. I'm going to be working on shifting the current CF.Net archive to the new schema, updating and adding material where necessary... ...but that's just the beginning. I've got a few more ideas for possible future projects, so just keep your eyes on this page. Oh, and check out CF.Net's sister site, urlLink Spectator Mode for random blogging goodness. :DrNT§So, I decided once again to have a blog. I've had two, but I never kept up with them, and i felt the urge to have one again. So, there has been alot going on in my life right now, and dont really know what to do ya know. Im moving away to college in about a month. There is this guy that I met, who is so awesome, and I cant help but feel good when I'm around him. Just my luck, a month before I leave, I meet someone awesome. Well yeah, today was a work day. Then I got to go see Bye Bye Birdie that Lia, Brittany, Ryder, and Brie were in. It was a really good show. Always fun at the theatre! Later. QOTD: "My one regret in life is that I'm not somebody else." - Woody AllenrOU±I had the time of my life: (soon to come) QOTD: "Be who you are and say what you feel, becuase those who matter dont mind, and those who mind dont matter." Judy GarlandrPTÒPeople are soo strange. Most people I should say. Some people really need to learn how to "grow up", but yeah, lets not waste precious blog space on them. ANYWAYS. I had a guava milk tea with pearls today....very intersting. Yeah and Marie came in today and gave us kind of like a lecture you might say, and I learned alot, but I'm sure I dont know have the things she was talking about...most of it will come when im older, more experience. I dont know what else...rQTWhat a day man. I had literally the BEST lunch. Megan and I went to this chinese place downtown and we got some terryaki tofu sandwhiches...omg they were sooo good. Y'all have NO idea! Anywho...so yeah it was great. Talked to Whit, we're going to lunch tomorrow (yay!). Hung out with Keegan for a bit...got some peach pearl milk tea, which was interesting. Megan finished my scarf! Its so awesome, i love her for making it for me. Yeah...okay day. Im not feeling too great, stomache (sp?) isnt really workin with me. Contemplating becoming a vegetarian....will it happen, most likely not, o well. Oh yeah, we did this awesome exersise today in one of my classes. Two partners one is blindfolded...once the blindfold is on, neither one could speak, and we had to lead our partner around the area (outside, across the street, etc...). It was basically a trust game, and I learned alot about how much I really trust people. Its an interesting exercise, highly recomend it! QOTD: "You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." - Wayne GretzkyrRT0Woke up this morning at 10 am. Went to the mall with mom, which was alright. Got 2 new shirts and new shoes...finally! So then I went down to the Montgomery and saw Miss Saigon again, which by the way is really good. So then Kelly and I went to Peggy Sue's for lunch, which was fun. On the way back we had some good laughs. We got to her house and sat in the car for like 45 minutes listening to music. "I didnt know how much fun a ball could be!" LOL. Aw man Kelly...good times. I got home and mom bought me some stuff from Costco :). Very nice. I went to go see The Village tonight with Kelly. That was one strange movie. It kinda sucked cos the people behind us were quite rude, and wouldnt stop talking the WHOLE movie. To top it off they were kicking the back of my seat, o well. That was my evening. I dont know what to do. Should something be said?...or left alone...This probably doesnt make sense unless you're me...which none of you are so...dont worry about it. My worries. QOTD: "NO the devil made the dryer! Everything else God made." - Caroline Or ChangerST#I relate to that girl. I know what it's like to be locked up in a place where no one can get to you and where you have no contact with the outside world. Maybe not as desolate a location, but it doesn't matter. I might as well be in Siberia for all my connectivity with the outside world. Why do you say this? Why is it that the more I think about it, the more I see how prison could be a better choice? 1) I'm locked up by the evil witch. Well, two actually. They say they want the best for me, and I guess they do but it's still a harsh sentence they have imposed on me. 2) The prisoners get 3 good meals a day. 3) Guards generally don't harass their prisoners or nag them. 4) Prisoners get an efficient laundry system and a TV in every room. 5) Prisoners don't have to work. They are generally free to do what they want. 6) They get an hour out a day. 7) If their behaviour is deemed satisfactory, they are able to apply for a 48hr pass with a hope that it might be approved. Fantastic eh? Suddenly, the penitentiary seems a much more appealing option.rTU©My old one got found out so here I am. Again. With a completely new URL in the hope that they won't be able to find it and discover the details of the secret life of me.rUT3 Okay, it's here again and whilst, in other years, it would've been a cause for celebration as it would mean a period of rest and recreation, the fact that we're in the final year of school means that it's just as they call it. A "non-instructional period". Which is just a fancy term for not being required to be at school but where we're still required to do as much as, if not more, work then normal. Oh well. Other than that, being back in Singapore is the same as usual. Parents are being as annoying as can be expected and constantly bugging me about things which I do. They gripe about my hair being too long/bushy/unkempt/thick/outlandish and chiding me about my future. Basically just the usual things which all parents do. It's just a constant battle and argument with them about things like freedom and the like. Nothing that most of you don't already know about. Moving along, I had this weird dream last night. Like an epiphany but not quite as intense nor lucid. Peculiar how my dreams are always some abnormal event occuring. Anyway, for some reason, I dreamt I was married. Yes. I know I spoke about marriage before but hear me out first. Anyway. Chris, I think I told you about this. Well.. Part of it anyway. I didn't feel quite right about telling you the whole thing just yet, but heres the rest of it. My memory's a little hazy, but as far as I can remember, I dreamt that I came home, wearing a suit no less and I was living in a dreamy South Yarra townhouse. Modern/contemporary architecture, futuristic design and all. Anyhow, I'm standing at my door in a suit, some expensive tailored one because I kept adjusting it and making it straight and all. Or maybe it was just my vanity, I'm not entirely sure. Guess who answers the door? That's right. Miss You-Know-Who. No, not the one you guys are thinking of. Chris knows who I mean. I hate using names. And I suspect I might have given her the URL to this. I'm not sure. But I'm not taking any chances. Anyway, there's the flurry of hugs and kisses as the lady literally pounces on me. Yes yes, then there's the exchange of sweet-nothings and "I miss you" and "I love you" and yada yada yada. I'll spare you the details. Later on in the dream, I use the toilet and as I wash my hands, I see A FUCKING WEDDING RING. Just like the one I always had in mind, platinum with a small diamond inset. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Keep in mind however, that I was dreaming at the time and all this happening was perfectly normal to me and I did not once think that anything was out of place. Till I woke up. Now, there's a portion of the dream which I'm afraid I'm going to leave out due to sheer embarassment, but as I said. Chris, you already know the other bit. Dear Lord. Pardon me for dreaming of things like that, but you know I can't help it. It was good though. Enjoyable... Mmmmmm...rVX¬It’s that time of the day again, the time where I lie in bed and try to induce a sort of sleep upon my body, except I know that it’s no use and I’ll just be spending the next hour or so lying in bed reflecting, having a myriad of different thoughts through my mind. Only difference with tonight would be that I brought my laptop to bed, with the intention of listening to music, but here I am writing this out. For some reason however, that familiar yearning is back – the one which was originally so devoid and empty. Maybe it’s the music I’m listening to, the familiar saxophone notes and piano harmonics, the sweet melody fills my mind and my thoughts then happen to befit the music. Why not listen to hip-hop or something you ask. Nah, that stuff wakes me up and I need my rest. Although sleep is just a temporary reprieve from this existence I suffer from, a momentary escape from the malady. I miss that. I think the feeling has always been there, except I never admitted it or neither would I have done so. Well, I am now, but oh well… I think I miss knowing that there’s someone out there who tells you “I love you†and means it. Specifically, someone whom you love as well. Yada yada yada, I know I bitch and gripe about “What the fuck is love anyway?â€. But give me this once, to whine about something else. I don’t know what you [ie. The reader] looks for in a relationship. And truth be told, neither do I. I’d just be feigning wisdom and maturity if I pretended to know, although I do have a hunch of what I look for. However, it’s a theory, and no more than that. In all my relationships, I always enjoyed the feeling that I had someone there for me. Someone whom upon meeting, there would be a flurry of hugs and kisses, but more than the physical motions, there would be an emotional connection. One in which we both knew we were special and one in which we were both completely happy with each other. A friend of mine [who doesn’t have this URL but will still remain nameless] told me a few days [or was it yesterday…] that it was the worst feeling in the world to be with someone, and yet still feel lonely. How did that particular conversation come about you ask? To be frank, it was completely unexpected… she asked how I was feeling, to which I replied “I’m cold. Miserable [domestic issues for the more curious of you]. Lonely [I’ve gone back to Kelly. My pillow] and not feeling well at all, thank you very much.†Here she was, a girl already with a boyfriend, who replied [after a few messages] that she still felt lonely around him. Her answer surprised me, as this particular girl had been in a relationship with her boyfriend for a year and 2 months now. Or a year and 3 months, whichever, I don’t really pay attention. Anyhow, I wondered how you could last with someone for so long without feeling happy around them. For all the girls I’ve been with/gone out with/were a notch more than friends with, I’ve always felt happiest around a girl whom I’ve loved. Oh, and she loved me accordingly, reciprocating the affection. I couldn’t understand her answer, how her boyfriend and her could claim to love each other and wish to get married to each other [I’ve already talked about this. Read below] and how she could still feel lonely around him. It still confounds me, to tell the truth, I don’t know why she told me that, or how to take it when she said that she only feels happy around yours truly. First off, she’s got her boyfriend, and I think it’s an evil thing to ruin a relationship. As such, I steered away from it, laughing it off as a joke, albeit a twisted one and the awkward silence which followed. Girls. There’s just no understanding them.rWTv Again, I start off with my disclaimer, the one that states I don't intend to be arrogant and to blow my own horn, yada yada, that this is just a series of my thoughts, blah blah. You get the point. Down to business. Someone I spoke to today mentioned that while I'm usually rather mature [hey, her misconception, not mine], on occasion, I am impossibly and unbelievably immature. Me being me, of course, asks for an elaboration of her point and she reported that it was the way I act and the things I talk about. Not so much the way I dealt with things, although my methods of dealing with somethings aren't terribly mature, a fact which I'd readily admit to. And now, lying in bed at 1.40 in the morning [thank God for wireless internet], I finally think about it and say "Fuck maturity". Fuck acting old and fuck being wise. If I'm a child, so be it. I'm quite happy to remain that way to tell the truth. As a child, I never had anything to really worry about, except maybe for how many toys I had. And even then, it was a minor issue, nothing which sure, I might've cried over [Man. Action Man toys meant the world to me back then], but nothing that left deep running scars. Now however, with my sudden forceful thrust into a more mature world [well. More mature than Power Rangers and GI Joe's, that's for sure], I find myself wanting to revert back to my childhood days. Ignorance truly is bliss, if I don't know it, it can't hurt me! Oh sure, you suffer from the fact that you don't know anything about the 'real world', but the good bit of it is that you don't even know that! Okay, that might sound confusing, lemme simplify it for you. You don't know that you don't know anything. Which basically means, you don't miss out on anything! How fantastic is that? Apart from the facts we face now, where we acknowledge that there's a lot we don't know and for all that we know, we already know too much. We aren't afraid of physical wounds anymore, a bruise or stab wound is temporary, scars heal over and modern medicine works wonders for cover ups. Botox injections, boob jobs, skin grafts. We won't have to worry about physical blemishes in the next 10yrs. However, the scars which really matter, those that make an impact would be the emotional ones. There's no judge of how long it takes to heal and most of all, because it hurts at the worst times. Physical scars can be ignored, but emotional scars would always be at the back of your mind. Or mine at least. And that sucks. Even then, my emotional scars wouldn't be any worse than what the next teenager has to deal with. Nothing overtly dramatic has happened in my life, a fact which I'm grateful for, and I certainly don't wish anything like that to happen. But then you stop to think "If this guy, whom nothing major really happens to can be so fucking cynical about everything, how about a person whom deep shit has happened to?" Certainly makes you think twice about saying something to a person whose parents died in a car accident when they were 2yrs old doesn't it? Same with a person who faces a medical problem and is that way because they were born like that. So do the world a favour, think before you speak or do anything. I know I don't really do that, but hey, I'm trying. Give me that. Funny thing is, it's all part of growing up. This whole "How to be a person" bullshit. Peter Pan! Come take me away! Fly me to Neverland! I promise not to join Captain Hook!rXX Being sentient creatures, humans in general worry about the future. Generally, we think about a particular facet of our lives, chiefly our career direction, spouse and the like. Most people think about 5 or 10 years ahead, anything beyond that being too far away to worry about, although we do contemplate the future in moments of boredom. Or at least, I do anyway. Yet I wonder though, for all the dreams and ambitions we have, how many would come true? Even now, I look at some of the relationships my friends hold [No. this isn’t directed at anyone in particular, so don’t bug me about it.] and I notice a particular trend going around that after about 3 or 4 months, both parties in the particular relationship would say that they would like to marry each other. I have relatively little doubt that its an insincere statement. For those who say it, I’m sure they really do desire a marriage or at least, a long term relationship with the other person. What I doubt however, is the likelihood of it happening. Every single relationship I’ve had [specifically. The serious ones where I actually felt something for her, whoever she is], I’ve been prepared to marry the girl involved. I think there would only be two of such relationships, where I actually desired a long term thing with them and not some 1 or 2 week thing which happens. Well the want for them was there, I admit that it was an unrealistic dream. Not that I would’ve admitted it at the time, but gifted with hindsight now, I grudgingly concede. I’m about 16yrs old now and all of you are older than I am, although not significantly [ie. More than 5yrs] and everything I say from here is an assumption. Believe you me, I’m quite happy for those attached among you to stay with your current squeeze, marry him/her and then go have your kids somewhere. Whichever. What I ask though is the likelihood at which that would happen. This would probably be directed towards the most sentimental amongst you, those who talk about marriage as if it were a week away and it is inevitable. Those of you who claim to be deeply in love with each other [hey. I admit I still don’t know what love is, although I think I’ve got a general idea of the outline] and who forget that marriage is probably about a good 10 years away for all of us. Pardon my cynicism, but I can’t help but wonder what would happen in not something as long as the next 10 years, but only the next 2 years… or one, for that matter. Human life is fragile, anything could happen at anytime. Fate could deal a bad card and one side of your relationship would suffer a fatal and tragic accident. Boohoo. Or maybe it won’t be as dramatic as that and “shit happens†and the relationship falls apart. I could come up with any number of scenarios illustrating my point, but basically the message is the same. I, personally [and again, this is my opinion and I might be wrong] think that relationships that occur at this age won’t last. And even for those that do, how long would they last for? I’ve never seen or heard of a relationship [and this might be due to sheer ignorance] that lasted from the age of 18 onwards till adulthood and into marriage. Oh sure, you get tabloid reports of childhood sweethearts meeting after 20years and reigniting a spark. But how many actually last the 10 year wait till marriage? Then again, I do concede that it’d be kinda cute if someone really did get married after 10 years in a relationship together. But I think romantic stories like those have been lost in literature, never coming out and manifesting itself in the real world. Go ahead somebody. Prove me wrong. Stay with him/her till a suitable marriageable age [ie. When both of you have careers and all] and get married. And stay married. I understand the obvious difficulty in agreeing with what I have just said [if you do] and then actually saying it out. I imagine in a moment of amorousness, it would spoil the roses to say “Nah. I don’t think we’ll get married. It’s too far away to thinkâ€. Of course, it’d be much simpler [and less tear filled too, might I add] to say “Yeah. And we’ll have kids and name them X and Yâ€. Even if both parties do know that it’s the reality of things, they usually are intelligent enough to know that it’d cause a moment of awkwardness and silence, the type caused by mentioning taboo subjects like a possible break up. And as we all know… Simplicity is often the way to go with things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking you all to go out and tell your significant other how I feel about this. It’s my opinion, and I guess for all the women I’ve cared about, I’ve had bad experiences with. Which brings me to bitch. Why is it only the women I care for whom I have had bad experiences with… I think I’ll leave this one for another day.rYTcDum dum dum... Another boring Saturday afternoon and the first this year which I've slept past noon. Well... I guess I overdid it, waking up at 4 in the afternoon. Thats pretty much my whole day gone. Not only that, its about 6pm now and I'm still feeling tired. Sure as hell makes me wonder why I bothered getting up in the first place. Anyway. This new wave of lethargy can't be good. For all my late night/early morning shennanigans, I was always enthusiastic enough to wake up early morning and do my work. Oh sure, it wasn't as high a standard of work as it should be, but hey, fact is that I did get up to do my work anyway. Nowadays however, even without the late night... mucking around I carried out before, I constantly feel tired throughout the day. Sleep isn't really a problem, within minutes of lying in bed, I've entered Dreamland. I assume with 6-8hrs a night, I'm getting enough sleep for any adolescent [although some might beg to differ, but those are just abnormal cases] and I shouldn't be feeling as tired as I do. Oh well... 144 more days till my exams are over. And at the end of the physics exam, I wonder if I'll have the thought at the back of my head, that burning sensation which says "You do know that you didn't do your best. And because of that, you might potentially suffer for the rest of your life because of a moment's laziness". Damn.rZTKI have ceased to care and I'm adopting an casually-indifferent attitude to this shit. For some reason, I figured that it's worse than being annoyed or pissed off. At least if I was frustrated, it'd show I still cared about it. Sure it's a step down from being happy but hey, better some care than don't care right? I guess I still DO care. Even that tiny teensy little wee bit. Or enough for me to bother asking "Why the fuck do I bother anymore" And to those of you who are going to ask me "What happened?", nothing did. Nothing in particular happened. I just can't be fucked anymore.r[T‘Yes yes, I know X'mas is a good long way away, but I guess there's not much harm in writing a list of what I want is there? I figured with the amount of wish lists Santa gets, if I write mine now, then he could prepare it early and I could beat the hordes of kids who write to him. Anyhooo. They're as follows. 1) Panasonic X70 [That's one funky ass phone] 2) A self updating directory of music. The latest hiphop and a touch of jazz music. Not to mention all the songs I've ever wanted to listen to but could never find. 3) New set of speakers. [Not to mention a desk to put it on] 4) A white tuxedo [ie. the suit, a white shirt, white leather shoes and the black belt. Chuck in a pair of sunglasses as well.] 5) A black BMW. Specifically, the M3 or any two door sports series BMW. But preferably the M3. 6) A diamond earring in my left earlobe. [Just to go with the black BMW and the white tux] 7) World peace [I'll chuck this one here so that you won't think I'm completely selfish and don't think of the world. Well. Actually. I probably AM that selfish. But who cares] 8) Nike Year of the Monkey Air Force Ones. 9) Black NY cap along with the white bandana to fit under the cap. 10) A whole new wardrobe. [ie. 20 more t-shirts, 5 new pairs of pants, 10 new jackets and 10 pieces of headgear. That should do the trick.] 11) Oooh. A host of accessories. Like dog chains, bangles, scarves. That kind of thing. 12) Make that two new wardrobes. One would be street gear, and the other would have the formal wear. The... more presentable gear I'll use to meet parents and all that. Wardrobe two would be composed of the Polo Ralph and all that. Pretty please Santa?r\XÙMetaphysics is a rather obscure branch of philosophy which examines the nature of reality and the relationship between mind and matter. Most people, unfortunately, take for granted that reality exists; that some kind of perfect (again I slip in a note that it is subjective) world lies beyond the realm of imperfect manner [ie. Our realm]. In a religious manner of speaking, this perfect world is termed Heaven some other word describing the domain of the spirit. In Western philosophy, metaphysical reality is patterned after Plato’s world of perfect forms from which our senses draw a distorted image of the true reality. If this realm exists, how do we know it’s there? It is a hypothetical construct, inaccessible to our senses but we believe, foolishly or otherwise, that it is there. Christians look at the Bible as a book of law; a constant in this malevolent world of ours where everything is unpredictable and often, the most unexpected happens unless we are fortunate enough to be gifted with foresight. As such, Christians believe the existence of a realm like Heaven simply because “the Bible said so†and because they have been led to believe of its existence. This is not to say that I’m an atheist, although what I’m saying might be considered to be in support of atheism, maybe even sacrilegious. Deep down, I am a Christian, albeit not a very strong one and whilst my faith is still shaky and I’m far from being a crucifix wearing zealot, I still have some faith in the Lord. However, I still struggle with my faith. To believe or not to believe; I can’t answer that question seeing as I really don’t know. On some occasions of my life, I appear to have been let down by Christ. Where some people might say that “It’s all part of the planâ€, I believe in direct methods of dealing with things. However, on some events in my life, I wonder if they occurred because of chance or because a higher power had caused events to occur that way. Just some food for thought.r]TÛSome people asked me why I had decided to put "Free Jono" on the back of my Year 12 jumper. Well, first off, it's an ambiguous phrase which has meaning both during my lockdown period and after. If you choose to look at the word "Free" as a verb [ie. an action word], then it's a plea for freedom. A message on the back of the jumper which means by wearing the jumper, I'm asking for my freedom back. For liberation and final emancipation from my jail wardens. Awhile back, I likened myself to being locked in a penintentiary where I had my jail wardens and so on and so forth. By wearing the jumper, it's like a protest against them and whilst a worthless and useless method of peaceful protest, a method nonetheless. However, should you chose to look at the word "Free" as an adjective [ie. a describing word], a whole different meaning takes place. That second meaning will come into effect only after my Year 12 exams are well and truly over and the moment they say "You are dismissed" at about 10.45 in the morning on the 10th of November 2004... I'll be free. Hence my reason for choosing that as a logo on the back of my jumper. To remind myself, even in my old age [if I decide to keep the damn thing] about my situation in Year 12.r^T* For those of you on Friendster, and most of you are, you see that whenever I complete a questionaire where they ask "Are you in love" or "Ever been in love", I always reply with a question of my own or claim that I don't know the meaning of love and what it entails. If I cannot even begin to define it, how can I claim to be in it? Anyhow, this morning, after reading a quiz written by a friend, I came up with a few statements and questions to help us figure out what this whole Love thing is about. Love is not about what you are prepared to do for the other person People are limited by physical and financial means and some other person might be able to carry out a task with relative ease what another person might find an impossible task. [ie. An olympic runner would be able to run 100km with ease whereas a paraplegic might find it exceedingly difficult. No wait. Impossible. Same as a billionaire would be able to buy a villa whereas a street bum might not even be able to guarantee a meal.] But that doesn't mean the other one who can't provide the same amount or more loves her [and I use "her" because I'm a male. So I talk about things from the male side of the show. Sue me all ye feminists]. While a person probably would do more for a person he loves, this is not necessarily the case and a definition has to be universal and this rule would not apply to everyone. Love rather, is about what you'd be prepared to give up Now Jana, this was the purpose of my question. I hypothesized awhile ago that to love a person would mean wanting them to be happy even at your own expense and this one explains it. Not only the materialistic physical or financial means as aforementioned. I think the most important sacrifices are made in intangible means. Money can be re-earned and energy regained, heck, even physical scars can be 'fixed' by means of modern day surgery [they can even make you look like me now. God forbid, naturally. But the option is there should you choose to want a permanent Halloween mask] . However, emotional scars never ever go away. Whilst they aren't visible, we know they're there and they continue to hurt more intensely and for longer than physical ones do. Love is about acceptance If Ken told me he loved Jane [fictitious names. I don't know anyone by those names and thank God for that] but that he rather she'd be smarter or that she'd be prettier, I'd question [maybe not to his face, but certainly at the back of my mind] if he really loved her or not. I think that to love someone means accepting them for who they are, and whilst I'm not so bold as to claim that it means that you don't love them, I'd wonder if you really do love them as much as you say you do if you can't accept them for them. I would think however, that you're in love with who you want them to be and not them. Confusing, I'll grant you, but stop to think about it and just maybe you'll get the gist of what I'm trying to say. Pardon my ineloquence. That's a slight idea of what goes on in my head sometimes. I've got more on the way but I can't really be fucked typing them all out and don't get me wrong. I'm not THAT arrogant to say that I have now defined Love and given a universal definition to it. It's just some rules that I've come up with and like always, I might be wrong. And rules were meant to be broken anyway.r_T²Last night, I was lying in bed, and as all normal people do, I found myself quickly slipping into a state of drowsiness and then into sleep. From sleep, I passed through the dreamless state and entered Dreamland. The place where we enjoy ourselves and relive our deepest desires, survive our worst nightmares and well, to cut a MELODRAMATIC story short, it's a place where what happens there, generally stays there and we don't give it much thought in our waking hours. Anyhow, last night, I had a dream which I felt was... weird [My kingdom for a more eloquent word!]. More interestingly, it was centered around a particular person. She-who-shall-not-be-named. God I feel stupid using that. Damn you J.K. Rowling. For the purpose of displaying the abnormality of the dream, I had another one just last week centered around the same general idea. I'll explain in order of sequence [or what I think is the sequence in which they occured]. Last night, the dream was of me. Standing alone in a dimly lit carpark where I was by myself. Wearing funky clothes too mind you. All of a sudden, she walks up to me and for no rhyme or reason I said "Kiss me" [When I woke, I thought about the stupidity of the statement and just wondered why I said, of all things, that. Not even a greeting or a pleasantry. A simple two words]. Here's the clincher. She did. Oh, sure it happened in a dream, but I'm surprised that my mind, despite my wild imagination and twisted thought processes, could come up with that. I was [in my dream] understandably confused as to why she did and proceeded to ask her about her boyfriend. "He never loved me, he just used me [Nb. Here I cringed in my dream and felt a stab through my heart. Emotional knife 101] and I don't know why I ever loved him... I should never have taken you for granted and I'm so sorry about that, would you ever forgive me?" Well. Um. Here, I say "I don't know... I've got a lot of questions I need answering. Like why did we -break- in the first place." "You never show how much you cared [Nb. b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t. I think, in the real world, I displayed how much I cared for her enough. I think. But that led me, upon waking, to realise the dream was complete and utter horseshit.] and we could never see each other... I didn't want to be ditched for someone else; you know me... I don't like being ditched and I thought I had to ditch you first." "Fine. But you do know that I would've waited for you forever and ever if it came down to it... And you just had to tell me how you felt. That's all you had to do hun [eh wtf.]..." And then more hugging and reconcilation and we kiss again. So that was the dream last night. The dream the previous week, was one where you [this is to Chris and Jana], her and I were on a double date. We were walking along Collins Street, in the city, and it was just like old times. More laughing and smiling. And everyone was happy; nothing in the world was wrong and it couldn't have been more perfect. Chris and Jana were in the front, walking and holding hands with each other [as they always fucking do] and here and I were up the back whispering sweet-nothings to each other, her head resting on my shoulder. Now, I don't know about what you think. But here and now, I solemnly swear that I have no more emotions [at least not in that way] for the girl. Sure, I think about her at night [but hey, I even think about randoms] but I don't think it'd be anything abnormal. Honestly, tell me you've never thought about relationships long past at night whilst lying in bed and just reminscing. And on both occasions, I woke up, scratching my head and thinking I have the most fucked up mind anyone is in possession of. Of all the people to dream about, I dreamt about... her.r`T²Think about this. Concentrate hard. Turn down your music and focus on my words. I can't ask you to close your eyes because that's just stupid and you won't be able to read the words. Anyhow. Imagine for a moment that the room you're in suddenly changed. A light mist came across you and you couldn't even see your fingers. This mist comes in gradually, slowly thickening in texture till as afore mentioned, visibility is at zero. Then the mist clears. And it reveals the walls, no longer are you in your elaborately designed and comfortable room but you're sitting in a cube. The walls, looking like they are made of a plate of metal and discoloured slightly, are far enough for you to move around but close enough that you begin to feel nauseas and slightly claustrophobic. A familiar knot, associated with fear, starts to twist in your stomach and you wonder where this is all leading. But you already know. The walls start to move in on you, the room starts to lose its dimensions and for a split second, you wonder how it is possible for the walls to shrink in from all directions at the same time. You both marvel at the ingenuity of the rooms creator and how its intelligence will lead to your ultimate death. But centimetres away from reducing you into a paper-thin wafer of yourself, the walls stop moving. And you're compressed although not to the point where your life has been squeezed from your flesh and blood. You cannot move. Breathing, while possible is difficult. Your jaw does not have enough space to move. You panic and your mind starts to race as it both looks for a way out and resigns itself to its fate. You feel queasy as your sympathetic nervous system causes your body to rise to a fight-flight response, releasing all manners of enzymes in your body and causing your muscles to become stronger but due to their inability to move, the lactic acid buildup gives you cramps. You become desperate and not only does your mind works to try to escape, it also runs through scenarios in your life. The worst memories and the best ones. And you wonder if you will ever see the light of day again. Throughout it all. You cannot. Move. And then someone tells you to smile. How do you feel? Like I do?raX»This is how bored and sad I am. 1.30 in the morning on a Friday night and instead of being out or doing my thing, I’m home watching Kill Bill Vol. 2. Again. This time, I watched the whole film and interestingly enough, I discovered a few interesting things while watching the credits. Michael Parks plays both Sheriff McGraw in one of the initial scenes in Volume 1 and Senor Esteban in Volume 2. I mean, I don’t know about you, but he wouldn’t be considered a famous actor but he’s pretty good, managing to pull off a redneck Texas accent flawlessly as McGraw and then goes on to play a perfect Mexican pimp. Exactly as you’d expect it from the stereotypes you get. Interesting what make up could do and cover up I guess. Gordon Liu plays both Johnny Mo, the head of the Crazy 88 in Volume 1, and then again as Pai Mei, the kick ass kung fu God in Volume 2. From a distinct lack of hair to an excess of it. Even lesser known would be Samuel L. Jackson, who from having a major part in Pulp Fiction, goes to being Rufus, the piano player in Volume 2. Still, he and Uma Thurman would probably be the only big names in the movie itself, including both volumes, except for maybe Chiaki Kuriyama, the plastic-faced Japanese actor who plays Gogo Yubari, the psychotic school girl. But she’s only big in Japan. I think. Pretty sad how I watch so much horseshit nowadays. Not that it’s a bad movie, just that… it’s an excess of it. Same with TV; every night, without fail, I’d watch The Simpsons [Channel 10, 6-6.30pm]. It’s like a damned ritual for me, one which I carry out daily. I don’t think I’ve missed an episode yet, except for Mondays, where I’ve got English tutoring. I need a life.rbXzI had the distinct pleasure of watching 4 movies the other night; courtesy of a school friend who was nice enough to burn them onto CD for me. Anyway, I figured I’d share my mind on them, like it or not. Kill Bill Vol. 2 God this is a cool movie. Much like any other Tarantino film, the movie is broken up into chapters and then twisted into one incredible film. We see the past of The Bride [a.k.a. Beatrix Kiddo for those chumps out there who didn’t know] and obviously, how she deals with the remaining nemesis’s out there. Still, although lacking the quantity of bloodshed of the first, it makes up for it with the quality of death in the second. Bud gets a snake bite in the face, Elle Driver gets her eye ripped out and Bill, as could be foreseen, gets hit by the Five Point Palm exploding technique. Some tricky shit that Pai Mei taught Beatrix. It’s a bit of an anti-climax, but I guess it’d be pointless having them cross Hanzo swords before someone gets a limb sliced off. A person like Pai Mei who from information leaked in the movie, could possibly be immortal, is considered a pugilist with an unholy proficiency in martial arts and has wisdom far greater than any other being on this Earth. This man is killed by a hot headed Caucasian female under his tutelage. Not only that, he is killed by underhanded means and not an outright battle. That much I can understand. What gets me thinking though, is that if I were Pai Mei, and I’m neither as smart nor as powerful, I’d sure as hell make sure I have the ability to purge poison from my body. If I could kill a person by merely tapping him on his body with my fingertips, wouldn’t I have some all-neutralizing antidote? But okay, I guess for the sake of the movie, we’ll let that little worm of a treacherous bitch kill the coolest character in the movie. Pulp Fiction Watching these two in a row, I got a taste of Tarantino overload. Still, it’s good to watch the man at work, he sure makes a mean movie. Coupled with a A-list team of celebrities and we have ourselves a blockbuster. Bruce Willis, Uma Thurman [I wonder. Does Tarantino have something for her… She’s pretty fine looking in Kill Bill, but not so much here], John Travolta [check out the ponytail] and Samuel L. Jackson. However, at some parts of the movie, I feel I must question Tarantino’s… taste. Oh sure, it’s a subjective thing and all but is it really necessary to see a big, black, bald man getting anal raped by another man? For god’s sake. After watching that, I damn well nearly had to get my eyes cleaned out with paint thinner. Pirates of the Caribbean Ah. This particular one had girls all over swooning over the two main characters. Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. Speaking as a male and I concede that I might be mistaken, I think Orlando Bloom looked better in LOTR. Johnny Depp definitely steals the limelight from Orlando Bloom as the incredibly charismatic and sneaky pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow. No complaints with this movie though, nothing I could particularly nitpick on. Oh wait. There is. Jack Sparrow occasionally acts like a pansy. Getting slapped by a woman is a painful ordeal [although I’ve never known truth be told. I cover my tracks well] but I doubt a swashbuckling corsair who lays the smack down on a cursed crew of pirates would run and walk like he puts foundation on at home. Donnie Darko Now this one… First though at the start of the movie: “What the fuck?â€. Last thought at the end of the movie: “What the fuck?†The movie doesn’t help clarify anything and I have no inkling of how the movie managed to make it into the top 100 [imdb.com]. Definitely lots to pick on this one. I don’t know about you, but if I were to travel through time, I wouldn’t pick a gigantic demonic bunny suit to travel with. I’d pick something like… Luke Skywalker’s robes or a Darth Maul costume instead of a satanic looking soft toy. Even then. I didn’t get this one, but you could blame it on my stupidity instead of the movie’s fault I guess. I’ll make it a point to rewatch this one. After doing something less painful. Like sticking my dick into an oven on high heat.rcXYPeople keep asking me what I want to do in university. The answer to this is really quite clichéd, seeing as I’d like to do Law, however unrealistic, in university. It’s especially important with my parents, both of the typical Asian breed and believing completely in paper qualifications and that your education is of vital importance such that one without lives a condemned life. This sure as hell isn’t true, seeing as more than a few people have made it in a big way in life without even having completed high school. So much for your PhD dad. Maybe I should elaborate; with my life, no matter how boring and monotonous, I’d like to do something with it. I figure that everyone’s got a talent somewhere, no matter what in. Of course, there are those with talents in nothing useful, but I suppose some would regard it a talent nonetheless. I personally don’t know what talents I possess. I’m still trying to figure that one out. Or at least, the good characteristics so I know which ones to hone on in. I’ll tell you what though? I’m particularly good at the art of horseshit. Which really, is a pathetic thing to be talented in, although it might come in handy getting yourself out of trouble. Since I was young, I’ve always entertained the idea of having my own store. I never quite figured out what I wanted to do with the store but at different parts of my life, various ideas came to mind. Oh sure, there’s been the café phase, the toy store, even the LAN gaming centre. Nothing that particularly sticks out I guess, except for maybe the florist. But that’s another tale for another day. However, with all those hare brained ideas, I never ever filled a niche. I would be one of many and knowing myself rather well, I know I would be unhappy at the prospect of not being a little, beautiful and unique snowflake. Man I’m sarcastic. Anyhow, it was a few weeks ago when I stumbled upon the beginnings of an idea which I’ve given some thought to. See, I love clothes shopping but a major problem with that is that you’ve got to walk around and spend your money at different places; which is fine, unless you happen to own the store and quite naturally, you’d like everyone to spend their money at yours. But what would set apart my store from the rest? First and foremost, it would be a basic store selling street clothes. By that, I mean the clothes that I wear. Kinda like… my style, but me selling it instead of buying. For the less informed among you, this would mean brands like XLARGE, Stussy, Zoo York, Freshjive, etc etc. Ah, but there are plenty of stores like that, Mooks for example, retails all that and what would set me apart from that? Apart from the fact that I’d like my store to stock shoes as well, excessive amounts, mind you, like half Hype DC and the other half Mooks. Not only that, music CD’s would be on sale, along with headphones, turntables and other instruments that a budding musician would need. But what would be the audience I cater to? I figure, right about now, with this particular idea, I’m targeting youths aged 16 – late 20’s. Or those particularly young at heart at any rate. However, the catered group would be a stratified one. They would be the clubbers and not the pub-bers, if you get that. You’re definitely not going to be able to get Shania Twain whereas you’d be able to find more underground hip-hop stuff. Like all the DJ Shadow records. On 12â€. Fundamentally, the store would cater to me. Or that’s the bottom line anyway. Pretty fucking small target group ey? But this is a youth superstore. It sells most things a youth would need seeing as we can’t really spend our money at much else anyway [besides alcohol and tobacco], so we spend it on clothes, drugs, alcohol, CD’s, a car and other wasteful instruments of entertainment. The store would stock most things our mischievous generation would want without crossing the legal lines. But here’s where I fill the niche. Many a time, I’ve gone to a shop and requested for a specific T-shirt. I’m the type of person who knows what I want before I go into the store and I’ve got a rather one-tracked mind. See, I’m not going to say that my store would have literally, everything. I understand and sympathize that my stocks are not complete and I will lack in some things. Here’s where I differ from other stores. While another retail store might say “Hey look, we don’t stock it, sorry, we’ll be getting fresh stock in a month’s time, come back then†and leave you thinking “Thanks a lot. Thanks for nothing.†I would, tell you “Sorry, but we don’t stock it right now, if you’d like I could order it for you. That particular T-shirt.†How good would that be? Imagine wanting say, Air Force One’s (Ltd. Edt. Year of the Monkey’s), and going to a store which doesn’t have it. Which is fine. But imagine if they could get it for you if you’d wait for about two weeks or so. Same with the music CD’s [but they’ve got to be good. Don’t come in requesting fucking Backstreet Boys unless you want a Louisville slugger on the side of your head]. Not only that, the employees would be a tad different to other places. See, I don’t pride myself on being good-looking, I admit, I couldn’t begin to compare to say Orlando Bloom or whoever the fuck you pick. But herein lie the perks of being the boss. I get to pick the employees. Call me discriminatory, but I’d like to hire employees who carry the clothes well. For example, going into Mooks today, I saw what a yuppie would term a metrosexual. In other words, a pussy boy. See, no fucking way would I hire something like that. Girls are meant to be beautiful, tall, lithe and sexy creatures that put lipstick on. Males, at their epitome of physical perfection are not meant to carry make-up kits around and wear G-strings. I’m sorry. Sue me. It’s still an idea. I think it could work, but the basic problem would be getting it off the ground. I’ll need a bit of capital for doing that and I know my parents sure as hell aren’t going to give it to me. Maybe one day… Oh of course, the delusions of grandeur are present and I fantasize about going global seeing as I don’t think anyone’s really done this before. Or at least not that I know of, which could be due to sheer ignorance. And then there’s the idea about the club. That one… I’d like to do. But probably after the store. We’ll see.rdXWAll of us look for different things when we search for a potential member of the opposite sex. Some of us dig materialistic things, wanting tangible output out of the relationship. These include those girls and boys who date the rich kids, hoping to get a new Louis Vuitton bag out of it, or just excessive pampering. Others look for that someone special to be with, and these are the ones known as the sincere, loving ones. But for whatever the reason, we all look for specific things in the opposite sex. Honestly, I acknowledge that looks do matter and that physical attraction is always a strong starter for a relationship. It’s what sparks your interest in the potential significant other in the first place. I’m tempted to say that I put looks over all else, but someone here would fuck me up for that, so I’m not going to. All I’ll say however is that taste is subjective. So there. Still, don’t you ever realise that… for some incomprehensible reason, the person you feel for is always the most beautiful person on earth? I can’t even begin to understand it, and I sure as hell can’t explain it, but I think that all of you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes, a person appears only moderately attractive or perhaps even slightly unattractive to you. But after you start to fall in love… your perception changes. All of a sudden, she’s the most gorgeous woman that ever existed. You could actually say those words without lying, honestly meaning it with every fibre of your being and genuinely adoring her. Against overwhelming odds, you might beg to differ when someone calls her average looking or perhaps, God forbid, ugly. You would argue for her, trying in futility to convince everyone that even Aphrodite herself could not hold a candle to your beloved. Personally, the thing which has always attracted me to a woman would be her eyes and smile. Clichéd but true nonetheless. I’ve never understood why someone’s eyes could move so little, but yet tell you so much. I personally reckon it’s all in the eyes. Oh sure, the face plays a big part in it, but her eyes would certainly be the major focus of it all. Lying in bed with your sweetheart, looking her in the eye, for some reason, you just know how she feels. It’s at that time where I start to feel fuzzy and warm all over, where heart-shaped fireworks explode in my heart and truly, eternity would not be enough time for me to tell her how much I love her. Her eyes might come in any number of shapes, for Asians, they’re typically long narrow slits, with perhaps a slight hump in the middle, tinged with brown, but Oriental nonetheless. Your archetypal Anglo-Saxon female would have blue eyes and long girly lashes whereas a female of Negroid descent might have circular eyes, short eyelashes with a touch of ruggedness behind them. If her eyes were to be rubies inset into a face of platinum, her lips would definitely be parallel rows of diamond. These are, to me at any rate, the star attraction of any female’s countenance. If she were to be upset or depressed, successfully performing the feat of rescuing her unhappy soul from the abyss of dejection would fill me with more joy than this page could hold. A girl’s smile, for whatever reason, is always a beautiful thing. Even if she were to be considered not-as-attractive-to-others, a smile on her would cause a glow to radiate from her similar to the manner in which the Sun spreads its warmth on this wretched planet of ours. Imagine then, if your precious smiled at you. How beautiful would she look? God. I’m going mushy in my insanity. Still, I’m entitled to dream in my singlehood no?reXxLiving in Melbourne’s a great thing. It’s a nice city, livable and where the weather ain’t half bad all year round. I could go on and on about why I love this city but I think you get the general idea. Most importantly, some of the women here are pretty damn hot. Going to clubs, or Asian clubs anyway, you observe a stratified sample of the population of Asian women around. Don’t get me wrong, not every single one of them are beautiful [although one can wish…] but in general, they’re generally in possession of a pretty face, or at least a curvaceous body. One thing confuses me though. Why is it you never get hot neighbours? I don’t know about you, but I’ve never ever lived anywhere close [and by this I mean on the same street] as a beautiful female around my age. Oh sure there’ve been instances when I was younger [like the time I was living next to Fann Wong, the girl in Shanghai Knights]. But hey, I was 11 and she was in her mid 20’s. Good luck with that. Anyhow, over the last 2 years, for all the houses I lived in, I’ve never had the fortune to reside next to a hot blooded female who looked semi decent. The female who best suits my… criteria living close to me drives a P-plated car, which lets me think she’s within the age range of 18-21. But she’s so… unattractive that the mere sight of her ruins any chance I have of getting a boner over the next 50 years. So, in a moment of sheer boredom and curiosity, this afternoon I did some calculations on my own. You sure didn’t think probability would come in handy eh? I figured it a little something like this. Melbourne has a population of around 4.3 million people and half of them would be females right? As we all know, the probability of a girl being at least moderately good looking on a scale of 10 would mean that she is at least a 5. Statistically, it’s about Pr(Looks≥ 5) = 9/30. [You’ll never believe where I got it from] Which gives a nice number of 0.3. If you ask me, that’s a pretty good probability rate. But that’s a stratified sample and if only a third of all girls were at least decent looking. If only. But for simplicity’s sake, I’m more than willing to use it. But the buck doesn’t stop there. There has to be a predefined range of ages right? Seeing as I’m 16, and I’ve never been with a younger girl, I’m going to make an exception here. I’m taking all females aged 14-20. Shut up. Not a word. I know 14’s young. And that 20’s old. But I’m being generous here. Again, statistically, this gives me about a fifth of the population. Pr(14 ≤ Age ≤ 20) = 0.05. It’s a pretty small number, I know, but Melbourne’s got an aging population so I figured it for around there. Okay, so if a girl were to be both hot and within the age range, the probability of that would be 0.015. Which is about 1.5%. Now I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a pretty accurate number. God. That’s fucking sad. Still, it’s a fact of life and we’ve got to move on. Even then, forgiving all of that, as I mentioned before, using that number, there would be about 32,250 fine looking women in that age range. So where’d they all go? That’s a fair amount of pretty ladies, more than enough for having two a day for the next 44 years. But as I said, where’d they all go? Okay, assuming there are 2.5 people to a house [on average], there would be about 1,720,000 houses in Melbourne. Which is again, about right. So that 32,250 divided by 1,720,000 gives me a figure of 0.01875. Plugging the numbers into my calculator, that means for about every 50 houses, give or take 4 houses, there should be a beautiful woman my age. Now that’s a fucking fantastic thing seeing as I live in Hawthorn and houses are densely packed together. Heck, there’re probably 100 houses on my street alone. This brings to my mind, the obvious question “Where is she?†If anyone can answer that question, feel free to answer. I’m at a complete loss as to why my neighbourhood has a complete lack of fine women. If someone ever invents a HWSD [Hot Woman Seeking Device], I’m sure as hell going to be the first in line to buy it. I hate statistical anomalies.rfXÇAnother random test I took. urlLink Insanity Test Username  Age  Your problem is   Sexual Addiction Will you ever be cured?   (8) -  Signs point to yes.  - (8) Just how crazy are you? - 29% This QuickKwiz by urlLink insanitydefense - Taken 152281 Times. New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!rgXý Time for a light hearted post. The past few have been pretty damn depressing so I figured I change the tone of this blog. Plus the fact that I’m in a good mood sure helps. Just spoke to my father and after consultation with my mother, we came to a deal for my future car. Oh sure, I realise that I’m only 16 and I can’t drive by myself till I hit 18 [which happens to be in a year and half time but oh well]. If all goes well [and by that, no fucking around, good behaviour on my part not to mention a kick ass VCE score], I’ll end up driving a spanking new Lexus IS200. Or IS300 if I’m lucky. Extra lucky, but hey, an IS200 would suit my needs just fine. Of course, this sparks dreams of what I’m going to do with the car and I think the first thing I’d probably do [apart from putting in a new CD/MP3 player unit plus new speakers] would be to get a personalised license plate. Research shows that it’d cost me around 300 dollars. Which… is a substantial amount of money for a metal plate but it’s not like I have a choice. Frankly, I’d like to put in PIMPIN. After the song P.I.M.P., but I know I’ll get endless amounts of shit for it seeing as not many females would be riding in my car. Still, it bears nice thoughts. LUVVYA would be less ostentatious but it’s more of a girl thing. The license plate being the second thing people look at when you drive up [the first being the car itself and the third being the driver. “Is he hot?â€], I need something with neutral connotations. I definitely need more than 6 characters but seeing as Victoria [I hate that name] won’t allow me to put in more than that, I’ll have to compromise. So, I think I’ll settle on something like JAYTAN or something to that effect. Enough to proclaim that it’s my car and yet, not flamboyant [although putting in a personal license plate is pretty flashy in itself]. Ah, I’ll figure something out later. *Dreamy sigh*. And now, Chris is thinking to himself “Jono… Always ‘what’ but never ‘how.†Ah, but this time is different. I’ve figured How I’m going to do it already. Good behaviour shouldn’t be too difficult and the only thing that worries me would be the excessive amounts I’ll be going out and the omnipresent risk of being busted smoking. Again. I’ll have to take extra precautions with that of course, and I’ve already had a number of ideas of how I’m going to conceal it. Smelling salts in the car, packets of tobacco taped under tables and copious amounts of deodorant. It’s all good.rhXThe teen movie that started it all. This movie will live on forever in history as succeeding generations of teenagers carry on the traditions taught to us in this film. I wonder how teenagers in future would look at it. I mean, sure, parties sure as hell aren’t filled with truckloads of beautiful babes. In fact, more often than not, we’d be lucky to get 10% of the girls actually decent looking. Then again, who am I to talk. I’m no Adonis myself. Anyhow, as most of you can tell, I just finished watching Part 2 of the trilogy. Almost like Lord of The Rings, but perhaps making a bigger impact on us because we relate it to it better than a Halfling trying to throw a gold ring into molten lava. Personally, the second instalment was my favourite one. I used to dream that the high school friends I’ve made would be like that. An unbreakable cabal brought together by circumstance and united by friendship. Perhaps, if not for some of the mistakes I’ve made [I think of one particular one, which was a mistake in more than that one way] it would have been a realistic dream. I remember, fondly, of times spent discussing after school plans. I remember one in particular, that we, as a bunch, would drive down to a friend’s beach house in Sorrento. Alcohol would flow in abundance, cigarette packs would be stacked chest high and seeing as we were all single back then, we thought things would remain the same. Complete freedom from the shackles of love and perhaps we might’ve brought a few of our lady friends along. Chances are that we wouldn’t have, but it was a nice thought to bring them along. I still remember, vividly, that I said I’d be Santa Porn for awhile and be in charge of bringing the ah… adult entertainment. No names of course, but someone was to drive and someone else was to bring the beach volleyball. We could all foresee great and memorable times ahead of us. Drunkenness and lecherous behaviour would rule the day, immorality would reign supreme, but in the end… it would be a time we would never forget. Now, I wonder how many of us remember that dream. When we look back on in 10 years time, what memories would we have? I made the mistake [one of many, I assure you] of not taking any pictures of the times I spent with my friends. I have nothing to remember my high school times by. Half of the year has already elapsed and yet… all I remember of this year, or the outstanding bits are times of heartbreak, disappointment and frustration. It’s sad how it turned out this way. I guess, back then, not even a year ago, I was young and childish in dreaming that friendships last forever. Even now, I feel the onset of tears in my eyes. Something which I haven’t had in a long time. Even lost love wasn’t able to bring this about but this… empty promises and broken dreams. I feel pangs of regret, things I should have done and things I should not have done. As you read this, friendships are broken in school. Past graduating years of Scotch Collegians had a group of Asians, seeing as we segregate ourselves automatically according to race, and most of them are friends, albeit not as close, even today. I wonder though, after the year is over, how many of the people would I call? How many would call me? The very thought of this saddens me. What was once a group of young men wanting to have good times, wanting to remain friends forever. I don’t see that anymore. I see a group of immature bitches who have more interest in schoolboy politics than anything else. I accept that people bitch, but is this really necessary? Again, I have reservations on how many people see this. The group is fractured, split and turned against one another. Not many have nice words to say about each other and the other who has left the Asian clique of friends has seen it as well. Sad to say, he couldn’t care less what happened. I guess, I care more seeing as my skin remains the same colour as them, but I find it disappointing that we could be like this. Each of the individual people I’ve had the misfortune to speak to have realised this. No one trusts one another anymore. Just think, wouldn’t it be nice, if we were all friends again. Ready to stand for each other and where for once, harmony would reign. I accept that there would be differences between people, but perhaps not as much as we do now. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could say “He is my friend†without having a shadow of doubt over those words? Just those simple words and people find it hard enough to say. How great would it be if we could say “Friends Forever†and know that there’s an honest chance of it coming true. That we would all remain friends forever, that we would never lose touch and we would never separate. It’s pathetic really. But alas, what can be done? People place too much stress on their self pride nowadays, unwilling to make up and to say “sorryâ€. I know I do. Plus, the fact that we’re all in the final year of school, while making this all the more important, ensures that we don’t have the time to do anything about it. The already strained bonds of friendship we took so long to forge throughout the years have already snapped. We’ll all move on, we won’t slow down. We’ll make new friends and we’ll all go on with our lives. We accept things as they come and as our lives change. But… when we look back, one, two, three, maybe even six decades from now, would we regret this? I know I would. My memory might fail me in my later years, but for the time being… I know they won’t fade. But what memories do I have of this year?riXºAll of us have taken part in charities every now and then, most of us playing the part of donors, but I guess when we feel particularly generous, or are forced to by the school, we become unwilling volunteers and go out there to collect money for the children of some forgotten land. But I wonder, what’s the real point of charity? You think the $20 you give to the Red Cross every year is going to help the poor starving masses of Africa when countries like America dump thousands of tonnes of grain into their rivers to ensure fucking Farmer Bob in Kansas can afford to have an extra fireplace in his 30,000 hectare ranch? Or when bitching farmers in Australia get paid extra to produce less meat so that the CEO’s of Coles can buy a brand new Mercedes SL500? Good one. The world’s definitely going the right way isn’t it? Oh sure, I’m quite guilty of those charges. I do chuck my half finished piece of steak away into the bin because I’m a vain fudgepacking bastard and wish to become slim. I do buy two chocolate croissants when one would suffice for no other reason than the fact that they’re fucking tasty. I pay a good amount of money more for clothes which I think look good rather than clothes which meet my necessity. Not to mention leaving my lights and stereo on because I like the atmosphere they provide although I don’t pay attention to the music and I’m not in my room. I’m guilty of all that. So sue me. The mere fact that you’re reading this means you’re almost exactly like me. You’re using the internet, an extravagance according to most people in this forsaken world of ours. Chances are you’ll be using the phone later, automatically putting you in the top 10% of the world’s population seeing as 50% have never made a phone call. It’s really quite pathetic isn’t it? Here’s some more. I’m proud to say I’ve never known neither hardship nor starvation. I bitch and complain about having restrictions sure, but I’ve never had to go hunt my next meal. I’m proud to say I have someone washing my clothes for me and don’t have to support 10 starving mouths. I’m especially proud to say I can take a Panadol pill when I’ve got a slight migraine in the morning and have never had a flesh eating bacteria slowly consuming my arm. I’m fortunate and so are you. Appreciate it. Help those masses out there who aren’t as fortunate as we are. Come to think of it, most of you are in private school. I can think of one exception [or two actually. You know who you are] but one of you gets, or used to get, more money in a month than most people earn in six. We’re very fortunate people here. So go help those who really need our help. How do we go about doing this? Frankly, I’m not sure if the money you donate to charity is any help. For some reason, of all the millions that have been given over the years, I don’t think anything’s changed in the country. Of course, this could be through sheer ignorance, but I have it on source from a person who went on a mission trip to Faridabad, India, that over 6 million dollars had been put into that little shanty town. And not one single fucking school. Not to mention the food packages given to the villages of savannah Africa. I still don’t hear any news of them. But maybe that’s just me. I say we pressure the leading world nations of the world into doing something about it. If we spent half the amount of money we do on fucking thermonuclear warheads on helping the needy, we might get somewhere. Isn’t that wonderful? We’re killing two birds with one stone. First off, we reduce the amount of weapons in the world and create and oh-so-wonderful utopian paradise for all of us. Plus, the chance of us wearing fallout masks and radiation suits out to the front yard would be significantly reduced. Also, we get to improve the welfare of the needy people in Mongolia or some other God-forsaken third world backwater country. Man. I should be president. Thank you for your time.rjXàIn one of my complete-strike-at-random sullen moods and how do I deal with it? Express how I feel by writing on a site which as many people as I have fingers have the URL to. God I’m sad. Anyhow, reading through another Jonathan Kellerman novel [my third one], something mentioned by one of the characters struck me. Well, two things, both of which were loosely linked to each other. One was misanthropy; the concept of. Wait. Maybe I better define misanthropy first. Reading through the dictionary, it’s defined as “hatred or distrust for mankindâ€. Maybe we all feel like that sometimes, just world weary and cynical. I know I do. Anyway, there were two chief schools of thought. One by Swift and the other by Pope. One hated mankind as a general structural unit but yet managed to like individuals. The other was the reverse, disliking each link of the chain although incomprehensibly able to love the chain as a whole. One of the more famous and more… pro active misanthropists was a fellow known as Carl Panzram. Now, Carl over here just hated mankind and was one of the most well known serial killers of all time. I say was because of the sheer fact that we know his name, he was hanged, his last words to the world a big “Fuck youâ€. Carl was a brilliant person and was one of the more genuinely hard-done-by-society-and-has-a-real-reason-to-take-revenge kinda person. But this isn’t about him. I’ve introduced him and I’ll be using him later, just be patient. The next thing that raised questions in my mind were the concept of Limits. Not limits in the sense of the word of “I can’t jump 2 meters like Jordan can†or “I’ve only got an IQ of 140â€. It’s more the limits of right and wrong. Your conscience. Let’s skip the peashooters and bring out the big guns. Murder. What we perceive as the most severe of all crimes. For example, all of us [or those who shower anyway] kill millions of organisms every single time we step into the shower. Although insignificant, a bacterium still possesses Life. Others still, have no qualms about killing ants, bugs, spiders, maybe even snakes. Ah, then when it comes to larger animals like birds or cats or dogs, the buck stops there for most females. Moving on, some people slaughter cows, pigs, goats and chickens for a living. Larger life forms and therefore considered more repulsive. Of course you get fisherman who kill dolphins and hunters who shoot elk and the list goes on. However, what distinguishes these life forms? Are they not all life? For whatever subjective limits we impose on ourselves, like “No killing things with a vertebrae†or “Don’t kill cute animalsâ€, we all have our limits when it comes to Death. I think I’d be safe in saying that all of us would not kill for the sheer sake of killing. But what divides a human from a dolphin? Or an ant? Hitler [most psychologists classified the man as a psychopath] revelled in the killing of Jews and homosexuals but cringed at the sight of someone kicking a dog. This seeming reversal of values is considered revolting because we, the vain homo sapiens believe ourselves to be superior to all other life forms on Earth. As such, we learn from a young age that the slaughter of another human is unforgivable and perhaps that’s why it’s considered the worst crime someone can commit [Except in America, where smoking marijuana gets you a harsher sentence than murder. But hey, it’s America]. Of course, there are punishments worse than death, but we can’t really compare seeing as those who are dead can’t talk anymore. And here’s where Mr Panzram comes in. He had no limits or distinguishing factors, believing that the taking of a human life was insignificant and seeing as he was the one who actually committed the act with a knife or whichever murderous utensil he happened to have and not from a vintage oak desk on the phone to Himmler, I suspect Panzram would have been more of a psychopath than Hitler, only that he lacked the means to be on such a grand scale of state sponsored murder. Imagine now, with teenagers reading books stored in school libraries about these men and then having access to firearms as nations allow a mentally disturbed 18yr old to purchase a .50 Desert Eagle whereas prohibiting a 50yr old security guard who stole a candy bar as a kid [and let’s face it. Who hasn’t done something illegal] from purchasing a .22 hunting rifle for quail. Who said the world was getting better? We actually have kids who look up to psychopaths as role models. Heil Hitler.rkX)Spending my Friday night at home alone watching the MTV Movie Awards 2004, I’m naturally a bit bored. Between working out during the adverts and reducing my brain to rot with watching the shows, I couldn’t help but notice a certain advertisement While others might not have noticed, me being the racist bigoted person I am, the new Toyota advertisement made an impression on me. Toyota, as the name sounds, is a Japanese company, or last I checked anyway. The funny thing was that it had Steve Irwin, who prides himself on being an Australian, as the star of the advert. I wonder if the executives over in Japan ever thought about that. Or Steve Irwin’s public relations manager. Supposing he had one, seeing as any PR manager, no wait, any reasonable person would have told him not to do the following. I might not be entirely accurate with my facts so feel free to correct me, but if memory serves me right, Steve Irwin was almost awarded the Australian Of The Year award. However, the dolt, with a stupidity I find disturbing, dangled his toddler child over an enclosure filled with one of the two oldest, most ancient and most perfect predators in the world. The other being the shark, but that’s not the point. So this dumb ass finds himself disqualified from that award but cuts a deal with a Japanese car company to appear on one of their adverts. I don’t know about you, but I guess coming from overseas, I’ve always looked at Steve Irwin as a representative of Australia, and for all his lack of brains and for having one of the most annoying accents in the world, would have been an ideal model for Australia. I don’t follow. Oh shouldn’t he be on a Holden advert you say? Well, Holden’s actually owned by GMC [General Motors Company], an American company. Then again, it’s not the only “Aussie†company owned by an overseas corporate. However, no I’m not all bitter. In all, the MTV Movie Awards was very entertaining, certainly a highlight for TV this year. Definitely worth staying at home for; oh go on laugh. I know I didn’t have a choice.rlTBeing in the final year of school can be stressful and I think the one thing which most of us lack [or want more of at any rate] would be motivation. You hear it all the time "Oh damn, I'm so unmotivated", "Shit, I need to study harder but I can't be fucked". Yeah you know the usual slew of phrases you hear so often from frustrated school kids. Anyhow, me being the curious person that I am, I wondered where motivation was derived from and here are some of my thoughts. Many of my contemparies [myself included] work due to incentive. Some are promised a car, others cash bonuses and what have you. Generally, they are objects of great value to the person and hence is traded for good results. Usually, these gifts are material and have great tangible value. However, this brings images to mind of a donkey walking to get a carrot. And I know who's the donkey. Others work for a sense of satisfaction, and with the Incentive scheme, earning that reward gives you that sense of satisfaction, where you're happy and feel pleased with yourself. There are those who work for intangible things, and by work, I don't always mean academically, and try to get them. The intangibles might include say, a sense of self worth or one of those fuzzy feelings we get from doing a good deed. Like now, it's about 1.30 in the morning and I've got school tomorrow and I'm up chatting to this lady, who happens to be a rather beautiful one, which probably explains my sudden determination to stay up and to keep typing away. Motivation or foolishness. Sheesh.rmTMy friends, it is now the 3rd lap of the race. How shall we run this? Term 3 has just started and we have 2 more laps to run before it's all over. After the race, we shall endeavour to punctuate our sojourn through life with fine food, camaraderie and women. Lots of women! [Just kidding.] Let us then, run this race to the fullest of our abilities, weather this storm with the steadfastness of a cliff face and tolerate the way I tolerate Janice's constant sexual teasing. :) We who are about to study-till-we-drop, salute you.rnX*It has now been 87 days since I’ve been declared single. Those of you who have the URL to this site would know well enough of my previous state. I’m glad to say however, that I believe, rightly or wrongly, that all trace of that has been wiped. Memories remain, some here to stay while others fade with time, but I believe, given enough time, all will recede. What I will say however, is that the lack of makes you desire more. Like when two lovebirds have been separated, the time spent in anticipation only heightens the actual experience of being together. I guess it’s intriguing, but only to be expected out of two people going through a chaotic swirl of raging emotions. And hormones for those who are more… physical – pleasure inclined. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Oh yes it does.roXµ I’m home alone and fucking bored. What do I do? I read. And then I write on what I read. The purpose of this entry however, is not to explain my current condition, it’s much too trivial a thing to write about. However, reading a novel, and quite an excellent one at that [wouldn’t you know it. I have the dandiest luck, picking a romance novel randomly] caused me to wonder about the coming about of human emotions. For example, I wonder about the genesis of our emotions. Would it be the fact that we think and therefore we feel that enables us to experience underlying and tender emotions for others? While some of us might hypothesize that it also enables the strong and raw feelings of hatred, we view violence in the savage and untamed animal world all the time. Whether that violence is brought about by instinct or bad behaviour by the animal is another matter. [I’d use evil, but I’ve mentioned before that it’s a very theologically burdening word and who’s to say that animals have a grasp of the simple and naïve views we have on good and evil]. We see this all the time, people in love, people who hate, people who are indifferent and even those who are on some level, in the range of the spectrum but on neither extreme. I think this would have been the first time I actually ceased and questioned myself “Why do we do the things we do?â€. Psychologists believe it is a cocktail of nature and nurture; people are the way they are because of their genes and environment. Let me elaborate, a child born to a violent father, drunken mother and exposed to a torturous cycle of abuse and neglect would quite naturally, have different views to the world as opposed to your typical blond haired, blue eyed angel, brought up with two loving parents who are your stereotyped pay-our-taxes-and-Ned-Flanders-is-our-role-model pair of parents who gave all they could to her. In my analogy, I shall use “Him†as the miscreant and “Her†as the perfect child; a tribute to the fairer gender. =) Would He have resulted the way he did if he were to be in Her environment? One might even surmise that it would be due to his testosterone, the stupidity-inducing male hormone that caused him to behave the way he does. The world reels in shock when a six-year old Him spits venom and talks of crucifixion but sighs in softness when a six-year old Her plays with her toy ponies. But if we proceeded to place Him in Her environment and vice versa, would the results have been any different? Or would there be a compromise of the two? It is a known fact, that males tend to be much like their fathers, or so they claim. I beg to differ, being so different from my father myself… However, such is not the subject of discussion and I beg your pardon for my divergence. The point I’m trying to make, or rather the question I’d like to ask is “Why are we who we are?†It’s of course, exceptionally difficult to find out when we accept that no two people are the same and could turn out completely different. We hear of extraordinary people all the time, those who are in the worst of circumstances and yet manage to succeed where others in far more fortunate positions have failed. To be continued when I can be bothered.rpXb I arrived back in Melbourne early Wednesday morning, at about 4am and here I am back. Went to Mt. Buller yesterday for a spot of skiing and snow fun and well… It’s interesting, playing in the snow, fun and yet intriguing at the same time. For all I know, it could’ve been [God forbid] someone’s condensed piss falling down in a popsicle and me playing with it as if it were pure. Anyhow, as a result of the biting cold yesterday, my lips are chapped to fuck. Dry, cracking and generally unpleasant, both to behold and to be in possession of. Ah well, these physical ailments will go away but soon. Of late however, something’s been bugging me more so than the other things. Not only are the VCE examinations a mere 3 and a half months away [OH MY FUCKING GOD!] but I haven’t been as hardworking as I should be. But alas, that’s not the main thing on my mind. Interestingly [or to me at any rate], I’m dreaming far more than I usually do. I mean, it’s scientifically proven that we dream twice a night [we don’t always remember our dreams which explains why you might or might not know about that] but I find myself dreaming about 4 to 8 times a night, always about completely unrelated things. Some trivial, some weird and some just plain fucked. For example, last night, I dreamt I was a champion, award winning snowboarder. Which I can understand how it came about, seeing as I went to the snow in the day and since snowboarding is so fucking cool. Or I think so anyway, sliding down a slope on little more than a fancy designed and aeronautically optimal piece of fibreglass or wood. After that, I mentally travelled back to Singapore, to be with someone whose name I can’t even remember. As in, I was spending a whole day with her [hey, you didn’t think I’d dream of a him now would you]. I woke up from that one, needing to take a midnight slash [First thoughts: What the fuck!?]. I gave it no more thought, proceeding to fall back into Dreamland again. Next dream was a little weirder. I was walking in a desert with the landscape looking like it was designed by Tolkien, the author of Lord of the Rings. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the beautiful city and architecture of fucking Helm’s Peak or the elfish city, but more the drab and satanic landscape of Mordor. When someone like me, who detests Lord of the Rings starts dreaming about it, you know something’s wrong. The next dream, I don’t want to talk about. That one was just plain wack and I can’t even begin to describe it. Well, I can, but I choose not to. I claim ineloquence. In fact. I don’t want to talk about the next 3. those, I’ll leave for myself. Keep in mind however, that the dreams didn’t appear in that order, I can’t remember the order in which I dreamt them [c’mon. It was in the wee hours of the morning and I didn’t give it much thought till I woke up] Anyway. How’ve you been?rqTFFound this on a friend's blog. Pretty interesting although completely nonsensical. Or am I really made of those simple ingredients. Hm. How to make a jonathan tan Ingredients: 1 part intelligence 3 parts brilliance 1 part leadership Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of lovability and enjoy! Username: urlLink Personality cocktail From urlLink Go-Quiz.com How to make a jono tan Ingredients: 5 parts friendliness 3 parts brilliance 1 part energy Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add lovability to taste! Do not overindulge! Username: urlLink Personality cocktail From urlLink Go-Quiz.com How to make a jonathan Ingredients: 5 parts competetiveness 3 parts silliness 3 parts empathy Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of fitness and enjoy! Username: urlLink Personality cocktail From urlLink Go-Quiz.com How to make a jonathan tan choon hoe Ingredients: 3 parts anger 5 parts self-sufficiency 5 parts empathy Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of lustfulness and a pinch of salt. Yum! Username: urlLink Personality cocktail From urlLink Go-Quiz.comrrXÉBeen a long time - you say you missed me Word gets round - you shouldn´t have dissed me Step back - don´t try to kiss me Right about now I´m 50/50 I heard it through the grapevine that you were with him Just the other night I dont know why I Try hard to keep you so happy when you don't love me Don't Love me Are you calling me a liar? Are you saying that I´m not tellin the truth? Denying what she told me You know you got way too much to lose You're claiming they are rumours You say you got nothin else to hide How come she told me? She saw somebody by your side *Sigh*. It's kinda cute seeing all your friends attached. Like today. Where there were 4 females and 5 males. Yup, you guessed who was odd one out. I mean, it wasn't awkard and the lovebirds weren't retreating into their own little world, everyone was talking and stuff. But it still got me thinking I guess. I figured I miss having someone there for me, someone whom I could really be myself around and to just give -her- a hug, one of those long embracing ones and release my pent-up emotions. Then again. I never really did that with the one girlfriend I had or any of the other girls where there was something more than friends. I'd call it a fling, but that's generalizing and probably unfair on some of the girls seeing as in one or two of the cases, there actually were underlying feelings involved. Enough. I remember having a crappy day at school or having a controversial issue in my life, after which I'd receive a message from -her- or -her- saying "I miss you" or "I love you". I reckon that always, without a doubt, made my day and caused a smile to appear on my face. Then again. I don't even know what I want. I guess... It'll come when it does. Whatever it is. Whatever I'm looking for. Which at this point of time, would probably be material things. Like a new phone. And the San Antonio Spurs jersey I saw. And the Nike Dunk Hi's I saw. I won't even start with the car or the clothes. I wish.rsTz Here's an example of how my school views me. A few days before, I was discussing with a friend about the genesis of violence. Like whether it was nature or nurture, basically why people kill other people and assault and all those kind of actions. Not very nice things to do, but people do it anyhow. The debate then turned to a discussion of who among us students was most likely to commit violent acts and if so, how they would go about doing it. The obvious weapon of choice [or for me at any rate] would be a weapon like a flick knife. A baseball bat, while useful, would be too conspicuous and hard to conceal, hardly the kind of thing you'd want to bring to school. A gun would be nice for its unrivalled killing power, but I can't touch one of those till I hit the big 1-8. Or at least not legally anyway. In any case, a gun would make too much noise unless I could lay my hands on a silencer. Not that I'd invest all that much money in ammunition anyway. And hollowpoint bullets, my ammunition of choice, is outlawed in most countries. Nunchakus are hard to use and require a degree of training to utilize proficiently. Okay, so we settled on flick knife. So, unknowingly, I asked my tutor what would happen if a student were to bring a weapon to school. He then went on to ask "What kind of weapon? Anything could be used as a weapon". Fair enough, so I said "A weapon like... a flick knife. Or butterfly. Something like that." He then went on to talk about the legal proceedings and how the weapon itself was illegal in Australia anyway. Simple and expected. The following day, I get called up and get my locker checked. Would you believe? They checked my locker for just asking about the consequences for bringing a knife to school. I don't know about you, but I don't think I'd be the type to bring a knife or any weapon for that matter, to school. It's too damn risky, plus, I really have no need to use weapons. I'd rather use my bare fists. What bothers me is the principle behind the incident. I think I can safely say that if any other student were to ask an innocent question like that, nothing would have happened and the question would either be dismissed or answered. And that would be that. But me? C'mon. I'm not a psychopathic and I sure as hell don't have a problem with violence. The last time I got into a fight was... okay fine. Two days ago, but the stupid fuck cut my hair. And all I did was just push him around. Oh sure, if you wanna get technical, there was last week, but the dumb shit wrecked my tie and my hair [which I took the trouble of doing in the morning] so he got what was coming to him. Thing is, the school didn't know about that and even if they did, I sure as hell wouldn't bring a knife to school. Which raises the question, how does the school view me? Just a little analysis from this incident and shit, it's like the school perceives me exactly as I'm not. The world's gone crazy.rtX2Finally, some spare time to write a little something. I just got my VCE mid year exam results today and… needless to say I’m pretty fucking pissed at it. All those Saturdays spent studying my unfocused butt off, all those hours wasted and what do I have to show for it? A score worse than my biology paper last year which I know I could not have been less prepared for. So, if such were the case, and the less I study, the better I do, no wonder why I fucked up all my results for this semester. I got dual B’s on both psychology and physics. For physics, I was kinda expecting a C or C+ maximum, so I guess I’m not too unhappy with that. However, psychology… this was a depressing mark. It irks me how for most of the year I had been going relatively well for this subject [through SAC results and all] and the end result is a big B. What annoys me about this is that the other guy and I who had been going well throughout the year both did poorly in this paper. Maybe I shouldn’t have left the exam hall in 20 minutes huh? I knew I should’ve worked through all of it… Oh well. It’s over and there’s one more round of examinations to redeem myself and hopefully, just maybe, Law school is still a dream within my grasp. I don’t want it to be just that… just a dream. Still, I think I shouldn’t have mucked around so much last term and instead prioritized my objectives. I sure as hell shouldn’t have focused on women so much, or clubbing, or socializing. Too many “ifsâ€. I’m just going to go out and do this thing. New found motivation by the way; no longer shall I use a female as my incentive [they’re too damn unstable]. I’m going to use material goods. I’m a greedy motherfucker and I’m going to exploit this to the max of my ability. See, I admit I’m a bit of a spendthrift, rarely saving any money unless it’s a super special occasion [by that, I mean for someone whom I really really really really really really really really like. That’d be pretty much the only reason why I’d save up.] and I like to enjoy life by splurging and buying on impulse. However, my parents are not able to provide for me forever and sooner or later I’m going to have to leave this comfortable nest of mine and go out to earn my own money. Which really sucks. Not only that, I figure, we’ve got a set amount of hours in a day right? And in those hours, I need to get as much money as possible. Basically, I want maximum output with minimum input. Therefore, I need a high-paying job. I thought of being a gigolo for awhile before the prospect of fucking the women who can’t get any [and think about how easy it is to get a male in bed. And then think about the fact that these women can’t get any. It really does say something doesn’t it? Oh sure, there was the whole moral, integrity thing, but that lasted a fleeting second]. That idea went down the drain, ne’er to be seen again, but not before ruining the likelihood of me cracking a boner for the next 50yrs or so. Selling drugs would be a high paying gig too, but that breaks one of the rules that I have. Yes, I do adhere to a set of rules, albeit ones which I bend to my needs and whims. They’re probably more guidelines than rules, but anyhow… I couldn’t do it, knowing that I might be ruining the life of some kid somewhere and cause some family a lot of grief. I’ve already given my family enough grief, no need to give other families the sort of sadness mine has to deal with. I might, in future, just maybe, smoke a joint or two, but I doubt I’d ever get to the hard stuff [i.e. anything above marijuana. Which means ice, speedy, XTC, cocaine, heroin, you get the idea]. But that’s another thing. But, that leaves the one option of me being an assassin of some sort. Killing other human beings or animals, I’m not particular, for tidy sums of money. Only problem with this is, I realise that because of the nature of the world now, I might have to kill some rich man or woman somewhere. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t pose a problem, however, what if they were to be the father of a friend, past, present and future? I’d hate to hurt my friends and moreover, I hate to make girls cry. Like it or not, with dead people, there are going to be a lot of spilt female tears, so that eliminates that job. Still, it’s probably the dream job of young males everywhere; being an ultra cool ninja assassin with the power of life and death. But, with great power comes great responsibility. Right? Fucking Hollywood. I’ve heard that one enough times. If there’s one person I’d shoot, it’d be… no wait. Holy shit. There are a lot of people I’d like to shoot. Maybe not kill, but at least kneecap. With that, I have only legal means left; which means Law school, which means I’ve got to study hard. Damn. Anyone know any other ways of making quick bucks with minimum input?ruX"1am in the morning, raindrops falling heavily on my window sill, solitude, soulful music and an open mind. Everything I need for writing; if I were only in the mood. This weekend has been one of ceaseless contemplation for me as I wander through my mental valleys and peaks, wondering when I would ever come to the end of my journey. Even then, this sojourn doesn’t seem to make sense at any one point of it. It’s such an abstract world, where everything has ethereal qualities and nothing seems to be real. I remember once, as a child, I woke up thinking that I was the one human being in this world. That this world was created specially for me and every other person on this planet was just… an angel of some sort, an interactive character whom I could relate to. Kinda like a computer game, where you’re the one main character and everyone else is just some sprite which helps or stops you from completing the game. I just wonder if all this is real, if everything I’m doing actually has some impact. It’s like taking a walk in the dark, where you don’t know where you’re going or when you’re going to get there. The walk itself makes no sense as you have no sense of direction, inching and feeling your way forward, searching for a light switch which might not even exist. When walking, there’s always the burning question “What if I stub my foot on something†and this applies to our walk through the darkness. With no sense of direction, nothing to hold on to and no light to show you a path, it’s hard to walk. But walk we must.rvX' I’m going to try to be a verbal artist here; I’m going to paint you a picture of a city. This is an imaginary city. A city where trains are broken and trees are stripped bare. The weather is cold enough that you can see your breath when you exhale and where the smoggy atmosphere permits minute amounts of light to come through. It is dark for most of the day, the only bright hours in the afternoon, and then again, only for 8 of the 24 hours available in the day. The buildings themselves resemble their citizens; old, weary and vandalized. Graffiti streaks down the walls at every corner, every traffic light and every sign post. It’s a city of hustlers and pimps, where thugs control the streets and pushers and doped out junkies are about as numerous as pimples on an acne-struck teenagers face. Ecstasy changes hands in open daylight and the parents steal marijuana from their children. The kids carry 9mm handguns in their sport bags with a flick knife in their shoes. Basketball practice requires you to bring your gun along with you, in case someone else moves in on your court and a confrontation results. More often than not, weapons are drawn and someone’s blood is spilt. This is a place where the criminals outgun the police. Where the police had .22 handguns and stun batons, the youths had 12 gauge shotguns and grenades. During the night, when the gangs come out to do battle, the high pitched sprays of Uzi fire punctuated by the deep bass boom of a shotgun plays as the orchestra of the hours of darkness. Screams of anguish are heard and when daylight falls, the remnants of the rumble can be found as bodies remain and bullet holes are scattered on the adjacent walls. It is a forgotten city, forgotten by the rest of civilization and its own citizens, where each man is truly an island and help is never extended to thy neighbour. Money is always in short supply and all excess is either spent on weapons or drugs. Occasionally, if one is feeling generous, he might bring a few friends to the strip parlour, where he would pay for a lap dance or perhaps… extra services given after hours and off the record. Of course, not that you had to pay anyway, there is no shortage of young girls who’d do anything for you if you told them that you could get them of this hole. The success of a robbery determined whether someone’s child would starve to death tonight. You’re the luckier one if you’re looking down the wrong end of the barrel as you probably have no need to carry out the robbery in the first place. It is a city with a spirit of desperation; each of the citizens desperate to run away but the question always remains, where to? There is nowhere for them to go, and they know it. Without anywhere to escape, escape is impossible. With most of the school teachers themselves shooting tar heroin into their arms, no one ever gave much thought to academia. The older generations were resigned to their fate, realising that they were doomed to stay in the same place for the rest of their lives and ambition had long left this suburb. Pretty fucking bleak ey?rwUØHere's a pronumciation guide to the characters and expressions used in Unix. It's a few years old (dated 29th April, 1997) but Unix is much older. (Seen on urlLink Metafilter ). urlLink pronunciation guide for unixrxU–A new episode of urlLink The Adventures of Seinfeld & Superman is available now. These are so cool. The new one is called "Hindsight". Thanks Jerry!ryXIEver since I switched recently and for a little while before that too I have been following news about Apple. There is an interesting article on Robert X. Cringley's "I, Cringley" page about the future of Apple following the creation of a separate iPod division. Mr. Cringley evaluates it in relation to a 20 year old quote from Steve Jobs. Interesting items include "What most people don’t know is that Apple, with the assistance of Intel, a few years ago ported all its software to run on Intel’s Pentium processors." urlLink Divide and Conquer: Why Apple Has an iPod DivisionrzT–Today I registered on urlLink Audioscrobbler . It is a community of people sharing information and stats on what everyone is listening to. Generated data is available under a urlLink Creative Commons License . The client is great. Once installed it quietly works in the background, gathering data from the media player (in my case, iTunes) and transmitting it to the server. My account is urlLink here .r{TGThere was recently a post on Metafilter about Jon Stewart's commencement address to William and Mary college. The speech is quite funny. Here are links to that one and other funny commencement addresses: urlLink Jon Stewart's ('84) Commencement Address urlLink Conan O'Brien's Commencement Speech to the Havard Class of 2000r|U½Everything you ever wanted to know about the awwesooome urlLink Homestar Runner in a convenient Wiki format, editable by fans. (Seen on urlLink Metafilter ) urlLink Homestar Runner Wikir}T9Just like pursuing any academic goal, pursuing a PhD has its own set of requirements. One of these is the actual writing of the thesis, which I hope to do someday. Maybe then this HOWTO will help. urlLink How-To: Write your doctoral thesis || kuro5hin.org Also, check out Jorge Cham's urlLink www.phdcomics.comr~T2Today, Sony released the PSP and Nintendo released the DS at E 3 . I think the PSP looks much cooler than the DS and would love to get my hands on it. Dunno if or when that will happen but it would be cool. urlLink E3: Sony PSP High Resolution Shots and Final Specs urlLink E3: Nintendo DS High Res ShotrTThis post marks the beginning of a blog that I hope to update regularly. Of course, if I don't, then I will delete this blog after some time and this post will never have existed. Well, it may be archived on some server somewhere on the web, but then that is inevitable.r€XìJust noticed urlLink this entry on WorldChanging about the urlLink Digital Library of India . Quote from the site " The mission is to create a portal for the Digital Library of India which will foster creativity and free access to all human knowledge. As a first step in realizing this mission, it is proposed to create the Digital Library with a free-to-read, searchable collection of one million books, predominantly in Indian languages, available to everyone over the Internet ". Cool!rXeThe most awesome thing happened today and it's all over the place. SpaceShipOne successfully landed after a brief visit to space. Congratulations to the Scaled Composites people! Commercial space travel is looking closer than ever. Time to start a savings account for the ticket :-) urlLink CNN.com - Private craft soars into space, history - Jun 21, 2004r‚T=I haven't blogged for a while and now I'm back. I traveled to Seattle and to Chicago over the last two weeks to visit family and friends. Logged back into blogger today and was surprised to find an invitation to join urlLink Gmail . So, now I have a 1 GB Gmail account. Cool! Dunno how much I will use it. Let's see.rƒTUI like animation. Sometime ago I came across the urlLink XIAOXIAO MOVIE website. It features many stick figure animations involving kung-fu. They are awesome. Today there is urlLink a post on BoingBoing involving stick figures. Oh, and also see urlLink this stick figure recreation of the Weapon of Choice video by Fatboy Slim. Enjoy!r„T«According to urlLink this post : - Technorati is tracking 3 million blogs, including this one. - A new blog is created every 5.8 seconds. - 275,000 individual posts everyday. This is one of them. - People are moving away from the TV to the computer. I know, I am. I think this is probably going to continue well into the next year. Even more if Yahoo! and MSN provide blogging services and Google integrates its services.r…UŸAccording to the website, " urlLink 20Q.net is an experiment in artificial intelligence. " I found it urlLink here on Dina's blog. It really is quite good.r†T¤Last weekend I started reading about the imminent arrival of Cassini at Saturn. I'm the casual space enthusiast who doesn't go to space.com everyday but gets quite excited when something is happening up/out there. Even more when the event is influenced by humans. Last night Cassini made it and is now in orbit around the planet. Woohoo! Congratulations to everyone involved. urlLink Saturn Orbit Insertion | Metafilterr‡TEHere are a few song choices. if u think u have good song place a comment and ill gladly consider it. When You Put Your Hands On Me by Christina Aguilera Truly by Janet Jackson Shadow by Britney Spears In This Skin by Jessica Simpson Watch Me Shine by Vanessa Carlton What About Us by BrandyrˆT)"Project Go" is something I decided to start to get in the game and make a music video. I have been workin with videos for awhile. But they have been done by other artists. So I thought it be cool to make one of my own and direct and with the help of friends come out with a fantastic end product.r‰Uhey just i think we sould do a song about best firneds (if there is one) or a song that fits in to all of out friendships.....just a thought :)rŠT˜jackie, i'm NOT making out with you. lol...sorry, i don't swing that way. i'm not like justin and jason...HAHA....sorry guys, had to say that. lol. but seriously, if we're really going to do this music video thing, then we better get started. there's a LOT of work put into those things, i mean they take forever to make. so we should at LEAST pick a song and start brainstorming things we could do in it....r‹Uáno way man...we should do a sad, slow, heartbreaking, love song that's just like really powerful and really gets to you....and have it be like all dakr and shadowy in the video with rain and a make out scene or two.....lol...rŒU¬Ok we finally have a song. we have our glamourous starlett, Jessica Vargem. and now we are on the look out for a hot guy. we also need crew...ha ha at least we have a song.rTWI try But I can't seem to get myself to think of anything but you Your breath on my face Your warm gentle kiss I taste That's true I taste the truth U know what I came here for So I wont ask for more I wanna be with you If only for one night....to be the one who's in your arms who holds you tight I wanna be with you There's nothing more to say There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way I wanna be with U So I'll hope for tonite like I would if you were mine, to hold, forever more And I'll savor his touch that I wanted so much To be here before, to feel before how beautiful it is just to be like this I wanna be with you If only for one night....to be the one who's in your arms who holds you tight I wanna be with you There's nothing more to say There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way I wanna be with u Oh, baby , I cant fight this feeling anymore Drives me crazy when I try to So come my way, take my hand, Can U make my wish, baby you are in command I wanna be with you There's nothing more to say There's nothing else I want more than to ferl this way I wanna be with U I wanna be with U wanna be with U Ooo, yeaaa I wanna be, I wanna be with U I wanna be I wanna be, I wanna be Yeaa I wanna be I wanna be, yea I wanna be (I wanna be with you) I wanna be with you yea I wanna be with yourŽTSecretly Toxic: ok Secretly Toxic: the beginning she is sitting in her room Secretly Toxic: looking out the window Secretly Toxic: and writing in a notebook Secretly Toxic: and like doodling this guys name Secretly Toxic: ove rand over Secretly Toxic: and then the course Jess: hahahaha Secretly Toxic: she goes outdoors Secretly Toxic: and its raining Jess: lol Secretly Toxic: and shes walking down the street Secretly Toxic: dripping wet Jess: and the guy shows up? Secretly Toxic: huggin herself sorta as she sings...somewhat to keep warm Jess: lol Jess: or he's there? Jess: oh....nevermind Jess: hahahahaha Secretly Toxic: not yet Jess: ok Secretly Toxic: so shes walking and then she stop outside of his house and sort of leans against a tree singing Secretly Toxic: he is in his room near the window Secretly Toxic: then he gets up and the light goes off Secretly Toxic: and he goes and gets into his car Secretly Toxic: and then back out past her not seeing her Secretly Toxic: as she continues to sing Secretly Toxic: so she starts walking again Secretly Toxic: she walks by a park and there r people in cars making out Secretly Toxic: like jus one couple Secretly Toxic: and she kinda glances and watches but keeps walking Secretly Toxic: so she starts to head back home singing sadly Secretly Toxic: and then we she gets home guess who is there Secretly Toxic: the guy Secretly Toxic: and he runs over and hugs her Secretly Toxic: and then steps back to look at her Secretly Toxic: then he kisses her! Secretly Toxic: The End....she is with himrT=wah liao now got quiz, but nevermind, juz 10 mcq, anyhow yeenimoney yeenimore. reading through camelotherald.com , dunno to join palomides/percival alb or guinevere hibs alb will make an infiltrator and hib will be mentalist! muahahahaha but i dun even have the CD yet. Amazon juz increased their price to US$44 :(rT^first time i make an effort to write about my thots. din sleep well for past few nights, now stone stone, den tutor lagi sian. might as well try this out... FYP judging tomolo, so many things not finish yet, so stress. den my birthday also, hope can pass den its a very good bday prezzie. (>--)> (>--)> (>--)> (>--)> (>--)> (>--)>r‘T’Juz sign up for wholivesnearyou.com Some huuu-haaaa being hearing from my coz mates... Logged in and found millions around my area... And i thought i might never see her again after disappearing from the block beside mine... Its good to know more friends... genuine ones Went for nation education today... from little india to chinatown... Seems funny as i know nuts about our indian friends and all that bangala-s holding hands and their religion... Kinda relate well to that really cramped up cubicles our ancestors used to lived in during WW2 cos... cos i also dunno why... juz feels very familiar... you know deja-vu Oh well more exams coming up tml... ever tried self study 10 chapters and have ecam the next day? This is how AFS train us... 3 hrs of sleep aday and you juggle the 3 hrs sleep with whatever is left... Cant yak-kati any more... *winks @ ying* Dun be angry k?? Wait the bangalas ah... hehe :Xr’TŽFinally got online from AFS... Think i did something or rather said something stoopid today... Said ying is only interested in rich hunks... Well i'm juz feeling inferior ok? Just ignored what i said... It reli not you, its just that some shit that happened to me recently makes me rather vex... should have known better to tame my tongue... Sorry ying ying *_* "Talk to me, tell me your name..."r“U¨ahhh got only 5 mins left to write for huiying hehehe darn.. i forgot what shld i write... tonight when things are more relaxed than write again k? wldnt forget you lahr”T)woot! just got a hp from my cuzzie! the same ancient old 8210!! Guess i could talk to her in-camp again!! boy am i in luvvvvvv or infatuated... Sammy says i should get 7610... little did she knew (or did i tell her?) that i really like 7610 but its kinda wasted to hide this sweeet phone in-camp since i'm staying in... but hey, i like it, she proposed it, why not? THE REASON keeps ringing in my head... i'm not perfect but we all know when in luv, whats impossible? "I'm not a perfect person , i never meant to do those things to you And so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know I found a reason for me to change who i used to be A reason to start over new and the reason is you I found a reason to show the side of me you didnt know A reason for all that i do And the reason is you"r•TBack here again... feel like i got no life coming back to this bloggy... Anyway i was sick, got MC now stay home shake leg... Tried sms her, din reply... Tried calling her, din last long... I've tried and tried, patience and humility... Best part is that my HP is dead!! Nazi wasnt even so dead!! Imagine no hp for the rest of the week til next bookout, if i manage to get my hands on 1... No way of contacting her... think i'm going lunatic just by lamenting over it... Shoot me baby!! Samantha... i miss you *_*r–T( Thanx to Huiying, here i am, rekindle my blogg... its been like so long since last update... So many things has happened... Ppl come and go, NS screws up my lifestyle and worse, old man like me almost never stood up again... Well ok, lets see... went down to Chinablack with samantha last night, its was one of the happiest moment i had after Aug 21 2003... she so attractive in her simple spagett and jeans combi... think both of us were the best dancers around shaking our butts and mellowed down dirty dancing haha But oh yes, you guessed it, good things always comes with the bad, to balance the nature *pui*... her ex 6 yrs ago was there! And guess what?! He weeped infront of us because wimpy still wants samantha and cant take it when wimpy sees her with me! Samantha is a sweet, attractive and kind-hearted lady whom recently just found her long-lost mummy of 20 yrs... She couldnt snap out of this guilt wimpy has been poisioning her for yrs... And God did wimpy claim he still luvsssss her... my arse! Reason she's still in contact with wimpy because 1) the guilt 2)friendship but Low and Behold, here is the definition of FRIEND taken from dictionary.com: 1)A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. 2)A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. 3)A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade. 4)One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement. 5)Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker. Thats exactly what i explained last night or rather early this morning except #5... I know this is a little confusing... NO, sammy's not my gal *yet* and YES, we know how we felt for each other but because of wimpy and friends... things just got complicated... I hate it when a gentle person be it HIM, HER or SHIM (though i have way lesser tolerant for them) gets abused emotionally and mentally... These characters are used for the better of those around you not just to your advantage! Bloody hell... bugger off kenneth wimp! If it was not for samantha i swear this would end the savage way... Ah btw, sammy said wimpy stared at me few weeks back when he was waiting in q to black... why din you just walk up and hit me? Aint got any balls huh? If i had knew that wimp crying was you, nah i wont hit you, at least not infront of sammy...r—hìhìhìhìhìhìhìU'urlLink This would make me very happy.r˜UÏI feel so lazy. I've been playing Socom all day. I know, very productive. It's great. No work, no school. Just killin time. I have to admit that the keyboard on this X505 is a bit small for my fat fingers.r™TIf you're reading this with Microsoft's Internet "Exploder" then the sidebar is seperated from the content, and it really throws off the whole page. Boo. Hopefully you're using urlLink Firefox If anyone knows how to fix this (I'm too lazy to look) then let me know.ršU|Here it is, direct from Sony Style. The Sony urlLink Vaio X505 sub-notebook. urlLink Open View urlLink Closed Viewr›XCan you remember the best or worst day of your life? Is it the same day? There is a single day of my childhood that stands out among the memories. I recall these events with great anxiety and fear, as well as great joy and relief. This day was among the best, and the worst. The day started out like most others. Then an unexpected chain of events lead to an unexpected conclusion. As a child in the second grade, life is typically care-free. Eight year old boys usually worry about the new G.I. Joe or Transformer action figure and play set. Getting on and off the school bus was my biggest responsibility. The school I attended would pick up the elementary students at the end of the day and bus them to the high school to wait for those students to board. This lead to about a ten minute wait for the elementary students, who were allowed to get off the bus and play in the courtyard until the high school dismissed. So with that ten minutes of freedom, my friend and I departed the bus and began to do what little boys do best, run and play. However, the daily routine would soon be broken. The routine went something like this. The high school students would dismiss and board the buses, followed by the roar of the buses diesel engines cranking up. This was our signal to find our way back to the appropriate bus and get on for the ride home. On this day, however, my friend and I took our time making the short trip back to our big, yellow mode of transportation. We bounced along kicking rocks, jumping from anything we could climb on, and playing in the dirt. For an eight year old boy, the shortest distance between two points is a skewed line. Our pace quickened, however, when we noticed the lead buses pulling away. Running up to our bus we found nothing but a folding, glass and metal door that was shut tight. I can remember the expression on the drivers face. Without a word she said it all, she was making a point, and no matter how much we beat on the door, she wasn’t going to open it. She just shook her head and said, “Noâ€. My friend and I watched that bus, and many more pull out of the lot. I had never seen that lot empty, until now. It was an unfamiliar territory. We started to make our journey on foot, walking up a busy street that lead to the overpass and our neighborhood on the other side of the interstate. I remember being so scared of being run over or picked up by some evil person. The worst thought though, was what my mother was going to say or do. The awful and swift punishment I would receive couldn’t match being run over by a truck. Just before we made it to the overpass, my friends’ mother pulled up beside us. This was all made possible by my brother, who had made it onto the bus in the first place, and was already home. On the ride home, I tried to be as invisible as possible. My friends’ mother let us know how she felt about our adventure. She was not pleased. I knew that I would get the same treatment when I arrived home, and I was petrified. In my minds eye, I could see my mothers’ belt, affectionately known as “White Lightningâ€, just lying there, waiting to dispense punishment. My friends’ mother dropped me off at my house and I prepared for the worse. However, my wild imagination was wrong. There were no belts cracking, no beatings, no yelling or reprimanding. Only the smell of home-made pizza and the loving embrace of my concerned mother. She wasn’t mad, and she had made pizza for supper! That was too much, I didn’t believe it. That day in my childhood is, without a doubt, the worst and greatest. It was an emotional roller coaster that stands out among my thousands of experiences and will remain with me forever.rœU)urlLink Measure your level of geekiness.rTIn case you don't know who urlLink Acxiom Corporation is, they're a company who collects and stores demographic data about, well, as many people as they can. Why? Marketing, of course. And as the Architect would say, "...they have become increasingly efficient at it." So, if you're on the grid, you're in their database(s). However, it seems that their urlLink data security is not so great.ržU÷Just think... 1. You're born 2. You're assigned a Social Security Number 3. You're assigned an IP address. 4. You die. 5. Your IP address gets put into a DHCP pool. 6. You're reincarnated as an ethernet toaster. urlLink InfoWorld articlerŸUZWife: Honey, the yard needs to be mowed. Husband: But, my show is on. Wife: Record it...r U7urlLink Fox: Trading Spouses Now this is interesting.r¡TNice little camera phone. The previous, cryptic message was posted using the email functionality of the phone. I'm still trying to understand all the "features". Nonetheless, the color screen is nice and the super cool ringtones are, well, cool. More to come...r¢UZNeed more info -- Mobile Email from a Cingular Wireless Customer http://www.cingular.comr£hìU©Oddly enough, my mother sent me a link to this game 6 months ago. Today it shows up on Dave Barry's blog. Anyway, it's fun. urlLink Copter Game 1372 is my high score.r¤UüOk, so now I can post to my blog via email. Cool feature. I added a links section. "Powered by Blogrolling" woohoo Cleaned up a few links and added ultramega, so that I can say I was reading it before it was the "hot, new, ultra-hip blog to read." :Pr¥U0The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy red dog.r¦UòToday was a productive day at work. I finished installing a new urlLink APC XL3000 UPS. Very heavy! Requires two persons to mount in the rack and install the battery. APC recommends you install this 3U unit near the bottom of the rack. Duh.r§TurlLink E! Online News - "Jeopardy!" Mints a Millionaire : "Jennings will look to make easy work of another two challengers Wednesday-- his quiz master-in-residence status made possible by a rule change last fall that removed Jeopardy!'s heretofore five-show limit on winners. "r¨U0Yea. It's pretty sweet. urlLink Screen Capturer©UtI logged into Blogger this evening and to my suprise I had a gmail invite waiting for me. Oh joy! jbland@gmail.comrªU urlLink The Springfield Syndromer«TïSo I'm browsing around the blogosphere last night and I read this post about how this guy is using linux on his desktop and has never had a virus/worm(s) or any ad/spy/malware. Great. He goes on to say that his WinXP powered laptop is constantly infected with virus/worm(s) and ad/spy/malware. But, this guy is totally missing the point. He thinks that by virtue of the fact that he's running linux, he's automagically protected by the mighty hand of Torvalds, or something. Sheesh. Don't get me wrong, *nix is great, it ranks right up there with Netware, in terms of stability. So what's my point? It doesn't matter what OS you run, what matters is the fact that your OS is (1) Updated with any patches/fixes. (2) Running adequate antivirus software with current defs. (3) Behind a firewall. At least use NAT, people. C'mon. (4) Only install software from reputable firms. If you install KaZaa to steal music/video/software, then you deserve the ad/spy/malware! That's right, I said it. Commence flames...r¬TOuch, just returned from the dentist. Please kids, if you have a cavity, go take care of it now. Don't wait, like I did, and let it turn into a nightmare. The office just called; I have an administrators meeting tomorrow at 10am. Great, meetings, a practical alternative to actual work.r­U_Ok, I know that tomorrow is August 4th, but here are a couple of pictures from the 4th of July.r®UYay, done with Honors English summer work. So boring... wow...r4U»Wow, a new lunch combo. Heirloom watermelon chunks with a side of three different Cheez-It crackers. It's actually pretty good. Those funky yellow, extra non-juicy watermelons are cool.r5UuMy blog seems to filled with mostly one- or two-line entries. That's rather not good. So here's a three line entry.r6UËurlLink Parts of Country May Enter Weekend Without Power : "'You looked up into the sky and there were stars!' one caller was overheard describing the hours in New York when nature took back the night. "r7UYou know, "literature" is good for something... I've already gotten four bugs with The Scarlet Letter . And that's today alone.r8TŸEver hear the fable about the king and the invisible clothes? Well if not: Once upon a time (as always), there was a kingdom (ruled by a king). One day, these men come into the kingdom, saying they can fashion the most marvelous clothes, clothes that only the wise can see. Enchanted by the notion, the king immediately orders the men to fashion some clothes for him. The men set off to work, sewing and stitching what appears to be thin air. However, the king (not wanting to look stupid) ooohs and ahhhs along with the men as they explain to him the wondrous embroidery on the clothes. When they're finally finished, the king asks the men to help him put it on (as he still can't see it) and calls for a parade around the town to show off his new finery. Everyone that watches the parade only sees a naked, aging man walking down the street, but they (not wanting to look stupid) oooh and ahhh along with their neighbors as they pretend to admire the clothes. Eventually, the king passes a small boy, who exclaims flatly to his mother, "Mom, the king's naked." and that's when he realizes that he was scammed. Anyways, the moral of the story is... Those clothes are literature.r9UurlLink Take the Testr:TaMy sister is watching "Miracle Pets"... Whitewater rafting blows once it starts storming halfway through and you have to spend the next couple hours sitting in a cramped car with a bunch of people that you don't really want to be sitting in a cramped car with. Chinese people can't barbeque. Grilling as a method of preparing food sucks to begin with.r;UfWow, doesn't it suck that walking outside barefooted right now can burn the bottom of your feet? Ow...r<ULColoring, what an essential skill for college. Or so my Biology book says...r=U=Apparently, my computer was assembled 11 September, 2001. Ha.r>TrMulti-vitamins for thought: Everyone on your buddy list is "away". But... do you think they're actually all there and simply watching everyone else who's "away" and yet not really so and so everyone's not actually away and they're all watching... and waiting... I doubt it. Grape flavored multi-vitamins are nasty. Then again, so is almost everything flavored grape.r?UWell, it's been millenia. Ta.r@UµBob Likes Pancakes What an orgasmic name for a new band. Just think about it... Oh yeah, in Montreal, there was a rather chouette music festival... too bad it was all in French.rAT^Finalement , back home. Home is nice, some of the time, I suppose. It kind of sucks that you can't simply assume everyone speaks French here though. Quebec was nice, mostly. It's simply mindblowing how annoyingly closeminded my parents can be though. They get pissed because they chose to eat at the hotel restaurant (tip: you don't eat as restaurants where there's only a single waiter) and from then on, they refuse to eat anythign but Chinese food. Add to that the fact that there aren't any decent Chinese restaurants in Quebec City and you get really pissy assholes that bitch and complain incessantly about every single meal we have. Minus the fact that I never got to eat at one of those nice little restaurants that should serve amazing food, Quebec city was alright. They have a nice art museum, especially since the museum itself is a work of art (it was a prison). Oh yes, and after visiting the museum, there was that stone hamster incident, which really sucked. You see, we had to bring along this other, unbelievably frustrating, family. Two little whiny children that cry and whine for ice cream every single time we pass a street vendor and whine and moan about walking before we've even crossed the street outside the hotel. And then one of the stupid little fucks wants to buy a damned rock painted by some local artist to look like a hamster (20$ Canadian, too... what the hell) and the bastard loses the rock somewhere in the park outside the museum. For the uneducated, the museum is in the middle of a park; the park used to be a battlefield; battlefields are usually very large. And so, the little boy curls up into a fetal position and starts bawling his eyes out, even though his parents are still in the museum. I really don't give a shit, he can cry as much as he wants. He seems to notice no one's paying him any attention, so he stops crying for a bit. But then, his parents walk out of the museum and, as expected, he starts screeching. Someone shoot him, please. Next three hours are spent being forced to comb over an acre's worth of land, searching for a rock-shaped and -colored like a hamster...rBTîI like this weather, it's nice. Not too hot for anyone, and much too cold for some. So nice... but still sunny-esque. Isn't it amazing? But that's besides the point... Life is so evil, all those little unexpected quirks and the such. Nothing ever goes exactly how you plan it, and more often than not there's a little something just lurking in a dark corner waiting to bite you in the ass. I n t h e a s s . Someone very wise said that life is an experience, something that... well I don't remember the rest. A crappy experience, that's what it is. And although I may sound pissed, I'm actually rather happy at the moment, just feel like... pondering... about life. Ponder, songer . Fall is coming. Fall is nice. Fall ing isn't, but Fall is.rCUøWhat the hell is this? "Your buddy list is not available , but it has not been lost . Please try again later." So you just misplaced it? Or maybe you don't want to give it to me at this time because you're being a spiteful ass? What the hell!rDU¥"Hey! Watch where you're going!" "Well if you weren't tottering around like a fucking drunk maybe I wouldn't have bumped into you." Sorry, just had to get that out.rETÎYou know, I think I've read over my essay so many times, yet I keep finding all these little stylistic errors. So goddamn annoying, why I decided to put a comma here but not there. Anyways, for the uneducated, below is my stream of consciousness piece for English. Made some other stylistic changes too, but the column on the side that handles the "links" never seems to be wide enough. Argh, I'll fix it yet. In the exact words of someone not-so-wise, enjoi.rFX&“Today on the Today Show, Al Roker is in Virginia†we were walking upon the sand the waves washed up along the shore “Isabel is twelve hours from landfall here at Virginia Beach†look theres a shell she said its ugly I said well screw you “bracing for the storm†the impending tempest “I need to get going†“Bye†its rather cold outside oh well but its better than being hot its wednesday wednesday the hump day thats no good. I walked past our neighbor’s fake pond-barrel so there are real fish in there fish in a barrel first at the bus stop again no one to talk to not that I would want to talk to anyone there to begin with ever wonder what would have happened if we hadnt chosen this house avez-vous déjà songé So the bus pulls up to the front of the edifice and unloads its cargo, I enter and walk down the corridor nearly empty thankfully no oppressive crowds of people apparently the construction workers have decided to stay home today mr gehry I would like for you to build me a house a nice grand one but I dont like this house I said well its better than some of the others dad said Im tired of looking at houses what school system mom said Great Valley bell “You do have a computer at home?†yes but I see nothing wrong I should have tried harder to learn chinese but its so frustrating the people not the course. “This is not supposed to be an expository essay†exposition no thats not it the correct word is exhibit yes exhibit matisse-picasso at moma it was nice not just the paintings but being alone one of the few places this abercrombie world cant touch but why do I care I dont I dont care then why do I complain I dont know “the day he committed suicide†you think people would miss me silly of course life sucks well look at the bright side youll get to meet new people but I like it here I dont want to move Im sorry thanks bell “Why’s it so early?†“Because we have an assembly.†he said. “Oh really, on what?†bell “Late, as usual.†“Well it can’t be helped.†he said. “Photosynthesis will increase with light intensity†theres no need to explain such basic concepts to us or rather there should be no need this is boring but looking around the room you wonder how why some people are here and why some arent. “The major source of light energy is the sun†the suns reflection on the lab table looks nice chiaroscuro isnt it peut-être peut-être pas bell yay the fun campus next this year sucks I dont get to see anyone at all humph but look at the bright side youll get to meet new people oh piss off The corridor is empty dr seuss I should take the time to read that mural which is nice. ugh some of the people here make me sick so superficial materialistic yuppie wonder what happens if they leave this bubbleworld damn there I go again I shouldnt criticize I have no right to judge so what you make me sick you make me sick Im sorry sorry doesnt help go away oh comon Im sorry youre moving too thanks well ta ta thats all you have to say ta Im afraid so very well then I have something Id like to say shakespeare actually julius caesar to be precise do you intend on giving me the line numbers from the play too or would it be alright if we sped this up just a tich humph you know I think Im going to miss your sarcasm the most how flattering anyways it goes something like this if we meet again we shall smile but if not then this parting was well made awfully deep dont you think fine then go off with your tas bell campus “Look! I’m practically wearing pants!†he said. “Very funny, I’m borrowing this CD for the rest of the period.†“Only for the period.†he said. “Yes, but mightn’t the period last forever?†“Humph.†he said. Everybody knows about it, from the Queen of England to the Hounds of Hell. bell “You’re writing the paper on today?†he said, “hmm, that’s interesting.†B assembly. “That’s right, today is the anniversary of the Battle of Antietam†oh I remember this from mrs dampier I miss mrs dampier I wonder how shes doing I should write her puritans sermons fire and brimstone the pledge of allegiance its amazing how blind some people can be its political theological social indoctrination thats what it is I cant wait to get out of here new york or something pah-ree maybe that would be nice maybe a semester or two at the sorbonne whatever it doesnt matter just as far from whatever the latest fad clothing store is as possible anywhere with more substance than affluent white suburbia do you really think thats where we live somewhat what does it matter just get me away from here bell “There’s a bee buzzing around your head.†he said. “Well leave it alone.†assembly time rather painful sitting in front of a speaker When you’re strange, faces come out of the rain. bell “Shocktarts? They’re not sour, they’re shocking!†he said. nothing to do no one to talk to I hate this class yes hate hate is a strong word but it is just that a word I have every right to use it why am I justifying myself à moi. do you think some people here are oblivious to the fact that theres a much harsher world out there do you think I lead a sheltered life well frankly yes what kind of stupid question is that of course do you think they lead sheltered lives bell I still fail to see how doubly complex fractions over superfancy numerical operators by way of bobs law of metaphysical hum hum 7 factored over the set of numbers that are not equal than but less to and greater for the other set of numbers is needed in life bell “Today, we’re doing our skits.†she said. actor moi funny-ness so what did you think I liked it no you didnt be truthful but I did youre a good actress I could never have done that yes you could all you need is practice are you mocking me you know perfectly well I couldnt act for my life practice mdear practice oh whats that I hear mockery shut up hahaha bell freedom CD player. I’m an outsider, outside of everything you know. It disturbs me so.rGU£Hahaha I found a flaw in one of those Snapple "Real Fact" thingies. The world's largest lake is not Lake Superior, but the Caspian Sea. Je gagne, tu perds, merci.rHU16 hours without electricity.rIUóis also known as Hurricane Isabel. Isn't that strange? But yes, hopefully, we'll get oodles of rain and other cool things. Maybe a tree will fall into the school, preferably onto the head of a certain person. I simply can't wait. Simply can't.rJU¤How's this for fucked parents? Go to Home Depot (fourth time in two days, mind you), spend two hours , and leave with a single toilet plunger. I could kill myself.rKU›Now I can even add ridiculous and utterly superfluous titles to every post. Change is in the wind. Whether it's for better or worse... probably not better.rLUBOh la la, apparently Blogger now has spellcheck. How cool is that?rMTˆEver wonder about the wonderful things that are overheard in nurses' lounges? I don't either, but I should. Life hasn't been very good, I think I'm addicted to crack and a multitude of other things. Or maybe it's just baking flour spiked with vodka. La dee da. I wish I could afford a hitman. Or hitwoman, it doesn't really matter. Just someone that can get rid of certain peoples for me. I don't even need a hit(wo)man, just someone to kidnap a certain someone and bring that person to someplace remote where they can get shot in the foot and drawn and quartered. I'm pretty sure a lot of people have... ill will towards the AP theme reader.rNTCorrected the "Bob the Eigth" error, but I had to delete the post. So, in the spirit of boredom, I'll copy the previous post (which was deleted about a minute after it was made) to here. Well I just had my weekend plans die on me. But that's the thing, it isn't really that tragic because I'm happy to have had weekend plans to begin with. It's a paradox, as maybe someone would say. Or would they?rOUhAh shit, I spelled eighth wrong. If you people haven't noticed, this blog is now being kept by Bob VIII.rPU›urlLink BBC NEWS | Americas | US anti-abortionist executed He sounds so ignorant, or maybe it's just the Press that makes him out to be so... I doubt it.rQU>urlLink Proposed Tax Rouses an Already Jumpy City Funnyness.rRUkWhite cheddar Cheez-It crumbs are lethally cheesy. Actually, so cheesy it doesn't even taste good any more.rSTWell today sucked. As expected. But nevertheless... The stupid fucks made it a full day instead of a half day, which gave all the teachers oodles of extra time to assign essays that are due tomorrow and dozens of math problems for homework. Not to mention that I don't know anyone in my math class and half the people that make class more bearable aren't in any of my classes anymore. Oh yeah, the whole modular classrooms are located outside the school, by way of the gym and several one-way corridors isn't really helping either. Fuck off.rTU¥So apparently, it's now the Labor Day of 2003 . We obviously weren't expecting one of these, it just happened, like the Blackout of 2003 . Americans are so silly.rUT°I'm so fucking tired of this whole homework and essay distribution people seem to expect from me now. It's just a small bit of help for a few close friends, not exactly something you're supposed to foward to EVERY, SINGLE, FUCKING, person you know, including the teacher. What the hell, I print four copies of a preliminary outline for an essay and within a day it seems like everyone has one or wants one. Fuck off, what have any of you yuppie-spawn done for me lately? And then of course, everyone comes back within an hour to complain about how so-and-so thinks that point number X is invalid and shouldn't be used. Yeah, well so-and-so can kiss my ass. Left buttcheek, preferably.rVUõOh yes, must get in the last word. Fuck academic honesty. I've probably distributed four different assignments to at least a dozen people (directly or indirectly) over the last twenty-four hours. So fuck academic honesty. NHS can kiss my ass.rWT‚This Elizabeth Smart girl can just die. Who the hell cares anymore, the only reason we cared in the first place (and by "we" I don't mean myself, I'm cold and callous and didn't give a rat's ass about it in the first place) is because she's rich and white. The dumb bitch didn't even seem to fight back... "Here little girl, I have some candy for you in my car if you come with me." "Sure Mr. Man, let's go. I like candy, especially when Daddy fills a Mercedes with lollipops and gives it to me for my 10th birthday. Mr. Man, can you fill cars with candy?" "No... but I have a Tootsie Roll..." No scratch marks on the abductor, no attempts by abducted to escape. Stupid white Americans. And now onto the second rant... This whole NHS (National Honor Society) thing is crap. Who cares? Academic pretentions are all crap. They make it sound all fucking speshal-speshal but really, its just a cult. You have to help all the losers after school by "tutoring" them and maybe they'll join the cult too someday. And of course, if you don't wear that speshal-speshal NHS pin on "induction night" then you're expelled. Yes, cult, m'dear. 'Tis all, folks.rXU‘Apparently, red wine now might protect against lung cancer too. Before you know it, a gallon of red wine a day might just make you immortal. Yes!rYU\urlLink BBC NEWS | Bomb alert over 'break-wind' dog For Americans, "break-wind" = fart.rZTturlLink Calling In Late "Phyllis F. Cohen, a psychoanalyst in New York, said one patient routinely calls from a cab to say she is 10 blocks away. She begins her therapy on the phone, but hangs up when she reaches the elevator for fear of being overheard. (As for the cabbies, Dr. Cohen said, 'She's convinced they don't understand English.')" Damn Americans are stupid.r[U€urlLink Google Sets It makes sets out of everything! Even {apple, ballpoint pen, the moon, stockings, speakerphone}. Like wow.r\U!You know, Opera is damned useful.r]T~Dragged out of bed at 8:30 in the morning so we can do that whole hiking thing as a family. You notice how all the really "oh la la look at me I so outdoor-sy" people have those walking sticks? Yeah well it seems that the ultra "oh la la look at me I so outdoor-sy" people have two walking sticks, as it is so obviously the trendy thing to do. Outdoor-sy people annoy me. Die.r^UoHoly shit! This blog is nearing five months old. Or five months worth of archives... same thing. Yay some more.r_T/That's right folks, at the low low price of twenty-eight for fourteen dollars. Get them while they last. Amaze your friends. I forgot this thing had spellcheck. That would've been useful for that other post. Now that I've tried using it, I think I would've been better without it. It tried to replace "boogers" with "splices". Die. And oddly enough, "spellcheck" isn't in the dictionary. I suppose it's useful enough, if used sparingly, like... like... oh yes, like toe boogers . One of the few times I've managed to tie it all together with a title. Yay.r`UDamn I already see mistakes.raTNothing else to do, and I don't believe I've done a real update of this in a while, so here goes. Parents at another annoying Chinese... box social , shall we say. I'm just happy they're not nagging at me for one thing or another. PSAT's were today, that was crappy. What the hell is "standard written English"? There shouldn't be such a thing - it's a language, it's malleable; just because some dumbfuck who thinks they're the English God or something says that that question mark back there should go inside the quotation marks doesn't mean I have to do it. Fuck him. Or her. Or it. Yes fuck it. Fuck it all. Not sure how I got to that , just ranting I suppose. OK done now, onto another topic. In a tich, AOL Instant Messenger on. Oh yes, what a piece of shit that is. Not only is their website an aesthetic atrocity, you're forced to download only to latest completely and utterly commercialized, bloated-with-ads version there is. It's not like there were any improvements between v. 1 and v. 2 798 345 or whatever the hell it's on now. Maybe the addition of smilies... ooh ahh... fuck it. Gee I sound really pessimistic. Happy thoughts... happy thoughts... So anyways there's that song about the bunny that hops through the forest, bopping all the animals on their heads. Is it "Little Bunny FOO FOO" or "FROO FROO"? The first is what "they" say it is ("they" should die), but the second sounds better. Does it matter? No, not really, but it's one of those questions of life that make this world interesting. Yeah, that's about long enough, I don't think I've ever typed so fast ever before without making too many errors. Hip-hip-huurray. Cyanide-filled pinatas for everyone . And there, I've managed to use italics , bold type , AND underlining , all in the same post. Life is good.rbU1And after millenia of tinkerng, it works. Hurrah.rcUUOpera browser doesn't work very buddy-buddy with the whole "BlogThis!" concept. Damn.rdTNothing to say, other than I'm content, for some odd reason. It feels weird being content even though you don't know why. I guess it's because I have no obligations to fulfill at the moment. That's always a good thing I suppose. This is getting too long, end.reTNothing to say, other than I'm content, for some odd reason. It feels weird being content even though you don't know why. I guess it's because I have no obligations to fulfill at the moment. That's always a good thing I suppose. This is getting too long, end.rfUzurlLink Despair.com "The downside the being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious."rgT "'Kill Bill: Vol. 1' is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian). It has shootings, stabbings, beatings, beheadings, disembowelings, amputations, mutilations, eye-gougings, slicings, choppings, bitings and a spanking. Also some naughty words."rhTçWhat a deal! A two-in-one post, just like those speshal speshal magazines with their " Weddings Double Issue" and crap. Except part A is in no way related to part B. The best stress relief? Cook. Or, rather, chop away at something until it turns into an undefinable pulp. Just imagine that something to be a finger or whatever of someone. Or maybe not someone, if that's not your style. But then that's not my problem. There's no plural "you" in English. And that sucks. Firstly because we're demoted to using the phrase "you guys" or the even more horrible "y'all" and secondly because it sounds really awkward to say "and now, you plural die" or "and now, y'all gotta die". In retrospect the two are related, but in a very weird way...riTFI think this "new outlook on life" thing is going alright, compared to every other times I've tried to change. But we (unspecified) were talking about it today and someone's name popped up. I'd like to know why that particular name, but I did say it made sense. And no, this doesn't make sense, but I usually don't. So there.rjTÕThings, no... people are never who they seem to be. That's something one should keep in mind more often. The title has nothing to do with this posting. The person you expected to be... unpleasant may actually turn out as a much deeper person whereas the friend you thought you had is much more interested in the clothes you wear, the gum you have, the people you hang around... What fucking superficial, judgemental bitches. At times, I think I'm too nice, too trusting. But it's all in good fun, or so its expected to be. So then what happens if its not? Frustrations boil over and I end up not talking to people for a day, a week, a month? Is that even a logical approach? I'm not bipolar and I don't get depressed. I'm talking to myself again... A logical approach. A logical approach would be to stop trying so fucking hard to please some stupid shithead that cares more about who you're wearing than who you are. A logical approach would be to stop typing. Yeah.rkT—We never throw anything away. Ever... What the hell?!? The violin I attempted to play in third grade that now has a crack in it the size of that Liberty Bell thing is still around. "We might need it someday." Yeah, like when the world freezes over in a nuclear winter and kindling wood becomes a precious commodity, we'll break apart the violin to start the fire to cook the six-headed goose for our dinner.rlUSNuggets of wisdom: Taking stairs one-and-a-half steps at a time is rather painful.rmTœEnd of vaykayshun. Damn. Depressed. And we had an entire week too. And we have stuff due tomorrow. Oh well I'll survive. So it was alright I guess. Filled with people. People are annoying. So anyways for some reason my keyboard isn't typing particularly well so I'll stop for now. I haven't updated in a while. I feel obligated. Nostalgia is a powerful force, I realized that just recently. And it sucks. Die.rnUZGoing on six months! Hooray for me. So yeah today we're "entertaining people". How horrid.roT×urlLink Turn Left: Make Your Own Conspiracy Theory What They Don't Want You to Know In order to understand love you need to realize that everything is controlled by a cookies made up of little Jewish children with help from three-legged women. The conspiracy first started during Battle of New Orleans in Jakarta. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including Bob's Second Birthday. Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by blinking. They want to fuck the Knights of Columbus and imprison resisters in New York City using geese. In order to prepare for this, we all must piss. Since the media is controlled by your mom we should get our information from Dubya.rpUžSo the national day of gluttony is over. What a pity. And so the national day of shop-shop-shoppinh begins. Yay? Or maybe not. So anyways, I hate you all.rqUurlLink FUNNY.rrU"urlLink GloFish Acid-laced fish!rsUA week off. Yes. No? Maybe so.rtUcThoughtful quote (in reference to the Guggenhein Museum Bilbao): "Museums are the new cathedrals."ruUOurlLink Defend your castle. Holy shit, you can throw people around, it's fun.rvUÝWhat the hell, is it supposed my fault if AOL Instant Messenger can't stay connected for over 10 minutes? And of course, then comes the "you're trying to sign on again too soon, please try again later" error. Screw you.rwUÔOh, oh, wait. You can't use American because that's being an ethnocentric bastard. So in a couple days, we shall be continuing the United Statesian's quest to turn this world into a living hell. So much better.rxT_Posting because I'm bored. Apparently someone's employer is visiting tonight. Not mines... Thanksgiving vacation in a day! Yes! Time to celebrate and hopefully continue the American's quest to make the world a less hospitable place. Some people can be so incompetent, but then again, people are easily fooled. If you can get away with it, why not?ryU0Just saw the new Matrix movie. In IMAX... ooooh.rzTŒurlLink After 40 Hours, Democrats Succeed in Blocking 3 Nominees "The White House reacted with anger. 'Once again, a partisan minority of senators has thwarted the will of the majority and stood in the way of voting on superb judicial nominees,' President Bush said in a statement issued by his spokesman, Scott McClellan. 'These obstructionist tactics are shameful, unfair and have become all too common.'" And something else: "South Carolina senator [Strom Thurmond] who in 1957 famously held the floor single-handedly for 24 hours 18 minutes to oppose a civil rights bill, a record still unmatched." And that makes him speshal speshal somehow?r{TbUpdating because I was told to. Friday, yes! Today wasn't at all that bad, although maybe I'm just trying to "appreciate". Damn those essay test, though. Mody Dick the movie has nothing to do with American History. Melville should have been a miscarriage. New insult of this indeterminate period of time! Talk more later, french composition to write.r|UÐWhat, exactly, is the "American Dream"? It's to own a yard. And why, do you ask? So one can do yardwork. Why do yardwork, exactly? Well, because it's an exercise in futility, and Americans seem to like that.r}TÙFallen oak leaves are as ugly as hell. Well, as compared to that red maple next to the bus stop. I don't see why our essays should be graded by someone whose attention span can't even make it to the end of a paragraph, much less an essay. Standard written English was a term coined by the uncreative. I'm surrounded by idiots. All the incompetent teachers seem to congragate around me. If I had a digital camera, I would take a picture of the aforementioned red maple, but then again it's a bit too late. But that might make it a better picture. When one gets an essay returned, it's rather disturbing that in the four days it's been away, it's suddenly acquired the smell of cigarettes. And that smell has presisted for many weeks. Short. Succint. Parfait As a closing note: People have interesting life stories, if one takes to time to listen. School only gives one the opportunity to learn not from the teacher, but from the people. Or at least that's how it ought to be.r~T®Less pissed now. Ohhh, crazy crazy posts during school. I'm surrounded by people all updating their Deadjournals of whatever they're called. Muahaha, I so speshal. So yeah anyways we got our essays back in English. People don't seem particularly happy with their grades. And apparently, she hinted that I'm in the process of fucking my self over. Oh, i love to fuck myself over, it's so much fun. What the hell, I'm bored. Ta .rToThe next big thing: pomengranates. If you haven't had one yet, go out and try one. Now. If you look hard enough, you might be able to find some for sale at a local supermarket. Otherwise, you'll have to try some international foods market etc. etc. They were plentiful a bit ago, but either Americans are stupid or the growing season is short. I like pomengranates.r€U0That came out plus angry than I expected. Sorry.rT Ok, so there hasn't been a real update in a long time. And fresh meat is coming by sometime soon to look at this, so I suppose I should write something meaningful. (Yes, you people know who you are...) So, there's a lot of work to do, but if you take it all in stride, everything is supposed to end up all peachy. At least that's what the hope is... Nevertheless, things always seem to work out if you manage your time well, and no need to stay up until midnight either. Today is Monday. What does that mean, you might ask? Today is naturally bad, even if it's not really that bad. But was it really that bad, you ask? No, not really. But it was still bad, because it's Monday. Monday. Wasn't there some stupid evangelist named that? Evangelists are annoying. That, and they can be so damned pretentious. What the hell makes you think you're right? For all you know, you could've been some flop of an experiment by the citizens of Madagascar to breed a super-intelligent warrior for their schemes of world domination. I'm aware none of you know of the evil plans of the Madagascar-ians, but that's alright. You know now, and knowledge is power. So anyways, maybe they fucked up in the breeding process and they ended up with an incredibly stupid, stubborn, and gullible chunk of flesh that is supposed human. What do they do with it? Well, of course, they dump their trash in the same place every other country drops its stupid masses... America. Oh yes, and fuck you if you think it's being ethnocentric to say "America" when you so obviously mean "The United States of America". Well if I so obviously mean it, then you so obviously know what I'm talking about, so go get eaten by some cannibals in the South Pacific. Anyways, Mr. Stupid/Stubborn/Gullible gets dropped in New York. We're assuming, because I think flights from Madagascar ( Are there flights from Madagascar?) should be cheaper going to New York. And I so obviously mean New York City, yet no one seems to bitch about that . Anyways, he's destitute and homeless, so he gets taken in by... oh la la... some Catholic charity. Simmer on low heat for eight months and you have a new evangelical preacher that has plans of being either institutionalized or incarcerated for murder in three years, give or take. Three years, mark my words , three years.r‚UaSo I haven't updated in a while. So so. But there's nothing eventul happening... Damned parents.rƒTSFor a lack of productive things to do, I've resigned myself to posting here. Lack of things to do. But then again this isn't exactly spectacularly exciting. Intellectual copyrights are a pain, you realize that? Only humans would come up with stuff like this; but then again only humans would attempt to pass off or simply take another's work as their own. The Digital Millenium Copyright Act is rather... crap. It's prohibitive and nearly carte-blanche . It would be nice to own one's own sovereign nation - other than the ovious benefits you can drink, gamble, fill your swimming pool with heroin... Moreover (such a cool word), you could kill people at leisure... well maybe. I'm sure if they ever caught you, there would be hell to pay in front of an International Tribunal on Justice or something, but eh, it would be great fun while it lasted.r„UAurlLink Sodaplay.com It's interesting, albeit a tich difficult.r…T­So now back to where I was before I was so rudely interrupted... It's almost like a swimming pool filled with warm pie. Apple, preferably, but without that much cinnamon. And without the sexual connotations. Or maybe fudge, if pie isn't your thing. But what exactly is someone's "thing", you ask? Or, well, I ask. I'm asking... Oh yeah and I couldn't get a place on the Model United Nations thing. I'm disappointed, I suppose, but not necessarily angry. It was mostly my fault for attempting to join last-minute, damn procrastination. So anyways that's enough sentimentality/pie for a day. P.S. The new it word for English class is precocious . Don't be so damned precocious.r†TiSo school got let out early today because of the snow. It's nice though, je suis heureux . I'm warm (enough) and relaxed (a rarity). So no complaints today... yay. Rack of lamb with lemon crusted herb butter with a side of cranberry-based reduction. I'm hungry now. The lamb thing was completely random, but I felt like putting it in there. I feel like that.r‡T·Two, and quite possibly three, snow days in a row. Which means that the mid-term schedule has been completely fucked over. I leave Thursday for a week's worth of trips to Model UN and Washington DC, so I'll have everything to make up once I get back. I'm so fucked. Yes, you should be feeling sorry for me. So, so, sorry. La vie, il suce . Not proper francais , I know, but sucer is such a nice verb, I just had to use it. Okay, bye.rˆU~The pre-eminently special, definitively excellent, superbly confounded way to spell okay is just that, "okay". The end, okay?r‰T I'm as professional cynic but my heart's no int it. - Blur, Country House So yeah I was walking outside today and there was a bit of spit on my cheek. Where is this going, you wonder? Well it froze. On me. As this is pointless, I'll stop now and write more later.rŠUvWhich is also why I'm sitting here eating the second part of my dinner: an apple. A small one, too. I'm hungry, help.r‹TØOk, my parents have fucking lost it. Who the hell asks for the boniest fish in the supermarket? And of course they decide to buy a dozen Cornish game hens (aka micro-chickens). Then they take one and go apeshit on it, chop it into thirty pieces (bone and all), and "stiry-fry." Let's see how quickly I can make everyone choke on a small piece of bone covered in what looks like shit. And as for the fish, we spent eight long agonizing days attempting to eat it. The first couple days we could make passable attempts, but after that the bone got so fragmented it was like trying to eat a pincushion. Albeit a pincushion in a really nice sauce. And yes you should be feeling sorry for me. And yes I'm thankful for your sorry-ness.rŒUâDeleted all those old links on the sidebar, will add some more later. If you care for reasons: Atomfilms is an ass and only works on Internet Explorer or Netscape. gnod I should actually keep. And the last one was just eh...rTAlright, so apparently some of you are bored of listening to the magic of pomengranates. And apparently some Catholic psychopath decided to turn every blog hosted by urlLink blogspot into some crap about existentialism. Or maybe it was just a glitch on the system. Most likely a glitch if you think about it, an intelligent Catholic is rare, Jews for Jesus rare. What the hell is Jews of Jesus anyways? Isn't it an oxymoron? Lots of work I'm obligated to do, so I'll get back to my religion-bashing later. Ta.rŽT-People can be horrible. Not that I'm really pissed at the world, it was just an observation whilst in Philadelphia today. And another observation: even with cell phones, it's hard to reach people somehow. Why? What the hell? Keep your cell phone with you at all times, if possible. Not too difficult.rUNothing to say.rTíYeah so I did something very stupid today. How stupid? Well, stupid enough that I refuse to talk about it. But anyways, a fourth of the school's gone to Disneyworld for the music program trip. And since there's a direct correlation between musical aptitude and intelligence, that means half my classes are half empty. It's kinda cool, actually, except that there's only five of us in French now. They'll come crawling back though, give them a week I think it is. As for this post, it's done.r‘UÃI feel like I've gotten letters from every single college in existence. But , I did get two letters I actually cared about, one from NYU and the other from Columbia. Yay. Say "yay" with me. Yay.r’T¤You know what's horrible? The fact that those annoying banner advertisements which ask you to "Shoot the _____" always take you the same place, no matter what. Even if you miss the _____ completely (and end up hitting the person sitting next to you...), you still "win". How depressing, it sucks when everyone "wins". Because then there are no losers, which means there are no winners. And I like being a winner. Yay me.r“UurlLink AIR There we go...r”TùHoly shit, the new album by Air is amazing. Talkie Walkie is the name of it, so go out and buy a copy. Now. I order you to. And for those of you who don't know or listen or care for Air , you suck. But that's beside the point. It's all good shit, so go buy a copy of anything ( Moon Safari, 10,000 Hz Legend, Premiers Symptomes, or Talkie Walkie ) and listen to it. And in reality I would get you a link to their web site, but I can't find it for the life of me right now. So go Google it yourself.r•U8urlLink "Oh my God! There's an axe in my head." Smile.r–UZAdded links. Someone should go to "That Special Place". Lots of fun, yes it is, yes it is.r—UÑChanged nickname back. Was seriously considering using any one of my numerous (and annoying, mind you) nicknames bestowed by random people. The first on the list was "Nanimal". As you can tell, I chose not to.r˜T6I just realized, I've kept this going for almost nine months now. That's pretty impressive, it shows committment. Oh yeah, SAT scores came in. Damn them. I still plan on screwing over The College Board when I become rich and powerful. I'll have them all assassinated. No, murdered; they're not that important.r™T5Yet another quick update before I get bored. Art is cool. As I stated earlier today (not on this, but just verbally), I like beauty in all its forms. Yes, I suppose that means even verbal beauty. Eck. Here's a cool link: urlLink The Calder Foundation That is beauty in multiple forms. Add in a nice caption, play some Incubus in the background, and you're set. I'm sure if you were allowed to lick them, that'd be pretty interesting. Not interesting, beautiful. C'est la vie. Peut-etre qu'elle est jolie, peut-etre qu'elle vous tue. Nonsensical rambling...ršTˆLong time, no update. I'm aware, and currently working on a major super-duper extra-fantastic completely filled with cool-ness update. But until then, this will suffice. By the way, I have a valid excuse: I was doing both the Yale Model United Nations and Close-Up: WASHINGTON DC. How were they, you ask? About the same, really. The former had more freedoms, as you could eat everything on your own time (in other words, no hotel food...) and there was actually free time. The latter? They babied you, but the people were better (as opposed to being around 1000 private prep school bitches). The food was horrible (and we all know my life revolves around food), especially on Capitol Hill. Our government cannot work effectively on a diet of "daily specials" that differ only in the color of ingredients. As such, I call for an immediate resolution that our government kidnaps Alain Ducasse for the express purpose of feeding our Congress-people. Or, we let them all starve and our government descends into anarchy. Both are perfectly acceptable. For the non-food-obsessed, Alain Ducasse is quite possibly the most famous chef in the world. But in reality, some of those Close-Up people were pretty pretentious also. And Dave, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS By the way, it's by "Unknown". Cool guy, that Unknown.r›U&This is cool. urlLink Google DeskbarrœTSeriously, does the Christian Coalition of America have to use such a scary picture to represent themselves? It's almost as bad as Clonaid and their scary press-conference-scientist-lady. Do a Google image search for "Brigitte Boisselier" if you want to scare yourself shitless.rT§Things are looking up. By "things" I meant life, in general. Well, not really if you think about it closely, but who does that? Julie transferred away to somewhere. Why? That's the big point of contention these days. I hope you're happy wherever you are. Or at least dealing with it. Come back next year, possibly? I hope. But there's nothing else major going on. And that's a good thing really. I mean, there's always the one (or two, or a million) thing(s) you want but you can't have. Not at the moment at least. Par exemple , I want an iPod. This is a weird posting. For once I'm not sorting through stuff, just taking it in stride. Less stressful, I suppose. Okay, bye.ržU>urlLink massive attack One of the cooler websites out there.rŸT]It hailing and what-not outside, and frankly I think the sky in general is trying to screw everyone over, but it is absolutely gorgeous. The trees, I mean. Covered in a thin sheath of nearly-transparent ice, everything glimmering in the wind. I suppose I'm trying to say it looks nice if you're indoors. Thievery Corporation - Vivid . Very Nice.r TLEt ce n'est pas si mauvais . No, it really isn't; I mean, I don't have everything behind me that I would like to have behind me, but life is survivable. More than survivable... I feel fine. Plus, the sun is shining in that quasi-warm way, and it's windy. Rather a neat combination, if you think about it. I may. I would. I shall.r¡TÑNot to get into details, someone I knew vaguely committed suicide. I'm still not sure how to react, it seems too surreal. It also seemed such an unnatural move. Why? But frankly, isn't that the question everyone asks when confronted with death? I guess whatever precipitated such a move as that must have been horrible, obviously much more monumental than my own problems. And, however callous this may make me sound, everyone needs to know someone who has committed suicide. It makes you think twice about doing the same thing yourself. Everyone toys with the notion at one point or another, but when you see how it can adversely affect thousands of people, even people you didn't know well, you have to stop and think.r¢UÿThat we don't even care to shake these zipper blues And we don't know just where our bones will rest To dust I guess Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below The street heats the urgency of now As you see there's no one around. - The Smashing Pumpkinsr£U’In essence, that was sopisticated venting. Well, I guess a sohpisticated word for sophisticated venting is "cartharsis". So, that was a catharsis.r¤TÎHow do I feel? I'm not sure. It's weird. This post is more for myself than you, so you might as well just stop reading. Weird, or any of its synonyms, would be a great way to describe the past 48 hours. Or 36, even. Who cares, just the past indefinite period of time starting with Sunday-ish and ending right around now. So many major assignments, but that really wasn't the biggest event. Some tension from having to present a seminar, but also from life in general. There was an unexpected moment of kindness, which did do a great deal to brighten my spirits. Thank you, although you do not read this. But you know, sometimes one just has to be optimistic. C'est la vie , take it or leave it. Leaving it generally involves a tall building, poison of some sort, or a gun. Taking it brings sorrow, happiness, disappointment, humiliation, and laughter. It's a difficult choice, since you never know whether a life defined as a prolonged period of pain is truly worth living for. Not that I'm advocating suicide by any means. Just the deranged wonderings of a battered spirit. No, too melodramatic. Just some musings by a spirit. Better. As for the portion that some of you may understand: Thank you. Not just the obvious ones, but even the people I may never talk to again. In some ways, this is a gracious exit (not from life itself, just from a series of events). And Julie, je t'adore . And thank you, not just because you guys have always been there. Well, always as in the sense of "as long as we've known each other". But thank you for whatever unnamed feeling it is that people can sometimes convey to each other. That, and a newfound appreciation for Pink Floyd. And as for a certain person I hope never to talk to again. Thank you in any case. And I suppose I'm sorry. Not that you'll read this, but for whatever reason, I needed to get this out. I seem to be waxing really sentimental. Oh well... Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes. - Incubusr¥TVThey ought to be on the plane back from Denmark right now. Must suck for them, leaving Daneland for... well... this place. Not that there's a reason we have a Danish exchange program to begin with, no one speaks Danish. I'm assuming that's a language. Oh well, the best we can hope for is that they step off the plane at least mostly sober.r¦U(urlLink s t e r e o l a b So pretty...r§UõThey eat hamburgers on lettuce. That's revolting, even though I wouldn't ever eat a hamburger to begin with. It's the principle of the thing. Whatever, I'm thin and fine with it. The fat people can deal with themselves. Enough of this nonsense.r¨TÒAw, how sad. According to Time , "[t]hose slim, wine-drinking, chain-smoking Europeans are laughing at us [Americans]." But then there's that gross low-carbohydrate thing going around, making it now fashionable to eat a pizza composed of nothing but mozzarella, sauce, and toppings. So when you drop over dead from a "major cardiac event", I'll laugh. Yes, I'll laugh just as hard as those quasi-sober but very thin (and isn't that what really matters?) Europeans.r©UüI rescind my opinion of the Google Deskbar as cool. Well, it still is; it's just that it doesn't integrate well with Mozilla (Netscape), whereas it does with Opera. In any case, it's kind of slow. But that's to be expected - it uses Internet Explorer.rªU4Redid some of the links. Who doesn't like free sex?r«UÐOmigod. What the fuck is that? I'm jumping to random places on the Internet and I land on the E! website (which in itself is terrifying). But then they go and use that phrase-word or whatever it is. Ugh.r¬U>Oh! News flash! In two months this blog turns one. Yay for it.r­TáWell I got Mozilla working. There are imperfections, but the mail client is improved over Opera's. In any case, either is better than Internet Explorer. Surfing the Internet through the reflection on the back of a spoon is better than Internet Explorer. But besides that, nothing eventful. Mike and Company is playing urlLink NationStates , some political country simulator. Intriguing enough, I suppose. No espionage, war, or nuclear holocaust, however; what a pity. In other news: according to reliable sources I have "mastered the art of saying nothing". Damn, that's mighty exciting. In yet other news, there was an awfully humiliating event that happened today. Well, two. In the first, a certain person who shall remain unnamed decided to chuck a plastic bottle of orange juice at me. For no reason. The second, I decided to bop the bookbag of a person who I though was a different person. So the person, who obviously was not the person I was looking for, turned around and gave me the classic "Oh my god have you fucking lost it? Who the hell are you? Go screw yourself." look. That was embarrassing. But Alex and I had a good laugh about it afterwards. And then there's prom, which is in two weeks. Damn, it's edging ever closer. And I still need a tuxedo. And we still need to make the trance soundtrack for the limo. For no purpose but to be able to step out of a limo (which has fiber optics and strobe lights, by the way) playing techno music and act like Eurotrash. La vie est belle .r®T§Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way. Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town Waiting for someone or something to show you the way. Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, Shorter of breath and one day closer to death. Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time. Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way The time is gone, the song is over, Thought I'd something more to say. Home, home again I like to be here when I can And when I come home cold and tired It's good to warm my bones beside the fire Far away across the field The tolling of the iron bell Calls the faithful to their knees To hear the softly spoken magic spells.r¯T©Oddly enough, there are always five people signed on-line at any given time. As soon as someone signs off, there's generally someone else to replace them. Creepy, no? I've somehow spent the last half-hour listening to remixes of the same song ( Air - Don't Be Light ). I feel like shit. But my parents are out for the weekend, so it's all good. And I am now the proud owner of a dozen or so bug bites. Damn, life is good.r°U9I just bit through my lip. And now it's bleeding. Go me.r±TçSo my sister went over to an acquaintance 's house yesterday and somehow they decided to give her the whole Jesus make-over. So she decided to spend today bitching and moaning about how we don't have a Bible and about how we need to go to church. And as a souvenir from yesterday's indoctrination, there's this little plastic cross. And you know what? The damned thing only fits into its base one way - upright, presumably to keep any heretics from defiling it. What the hell, bastards.r²U4urlLink Why the Barnes Foundation is the way it is.r³UÇ"Beautiful, mysterious, haunting, invariably fatal. Just like life." - The Virgin Suicides Finally saw the movie. Intriguing, somewhat because of who it's directed by and who the score comes from.r´TÔFinally, bought Parts of the Process . Wow, what can I say. I mean, obviously they're an amazing band; but listening to their eighteen "most memorable" songs linked together is just... wow. Awe-inspiring may be a better term, although I rarely call anything "awe-inspiring" and mean it. It's hard to awe someone, and becoming more difficult daily, with the world so desensitised and whatever. I do believe my zen is being disturbed. Go away so I can listen in peace.rµUTold you he was an ass.r¶Uâ"The proposed changes must now pass the government-dominated lower house and then the Senate, where minor parties hold most of the power ." The source is urlLink BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Australia to prevent gay marriage .r·U$The anger stems from urlLink here .r¸TA"Speaking at the launch of the report, Amnesty's Secretary General Irene Khan said the abuses in Abu Ghraib jail should have surprised no-one, since it was the logical consequence of the relentless pursuit of global security and the so-called war on terror." urlLink Amnesty International On a different, but definitely not lighter, note, I detest Christian fundamentalists. Even if you are homophobic, that gives you no right to erect a monument commemorating the day Matthew Shepard died and was "sent to hell". That crosses religious lines; death is held, maybe not in high regard, but at least with a great deal of respect. The entire fucking world isn't Christian. Live with it. It's the same concept with the war in Iraq. Sure, I don't agree with it, but it's still a horrible breach of ethics to jeer at the soldiers. You don't have to cheer them on, but it's more than just impolite to insult them. At the very least, stand respectfully silent, or ever walk away. Here's irony for you. If it just happened that there was a "god" or higher power and he (she? it?) screwed over fundamentalists because they violated universal standards of human decency. Sure, they may have adhered to the finer points of the doctrine, but that's like putting a bullet in someone's head and staying behind a bit to wipe up the blood on the linoleum.r¹UsAnd you see? I wrote it in big letters Julie. Okay, part two. Yearbooks are out once again. Waxing sentimental...rºTWas sad. Well, being able to trace entire families through the little bags marked "Im memory of: ". That and a single bag marked sisters. Plural. But damn I'm tired, and hurting, and tanned and sunburned in weird patterns in weird areas. I feel like crap. But it was amusing enough.r»U™Chalk this up next to "Take demographic information of train passengers at 30th Street Station": "How do different people react to bad news?" We wonder.r¼UëTechnology can suck so much at times. Like when you decide to upgrade your web browser and it ends up fucking you over because then it takes you three hours to get your bookmarks, e-mail, and address book up and running again. Fuckers.r½T"It's not that we're offended," Elizabeth Thomas from Massachusetts told us, wielding a Bible and a poster saying "Sodomy is sin". "God will be offended. He's the one we have to worry about. This is the beginning of chaos." Because the United States was not founded on the principles of religious equality and a separation of church and state but is in fact a "democratic" puppet government with not the communists but god himself behind it all? Back to the picture. Don't they look like intelligent people? Wouldn't it suck to find yourself being viewed in contempt by millions of people worldwide, to have make an absolute ass out of yourself in the international media, to give the French yet another reason to say "I told you so; look at the stupid Americans ."?r¾U...i'll make the effort, love can last forever graceful swans of never topple to the earth tomorrow's just an excuse and you can make it last, forever you...r¿T"Latz wanted Duisburg-Nord to contain multiple references that visitors might or might not pick up on. ''Everyone who uses the park has a different park,'' he says. ''Someone is coming to study old blast furnaces, and someone is coming to plant a small garden. Totally different.'' Latz's notion of landscape architecture has a strong theoretical component. ''Landscapes as real objects don't exist,'' he says. ''We select some information from the surroundings and make an idea in our head. Each person has another method to combine the information. There are different information layers, and you may understand only one or two, but somebody else may understand 50.""rÀUClick on the title. Hilarious.rÁTË"Mr. Cattelan's art has provoked hands-on reactions before. When his 'Ninth Hour,' a wax effigy of Pope John Paul II felled by a meteorite, went on view at a museum in Warsaw in 2001, two men damaged the work by trying to put the figure on its feet. The new work was sponsored by a private art foundation and produced immediate debate in Italian newspapers and, after its destruction, at the tree itself, where a seemingly permanent crowd of people gathered. This vandalism echoed a case in Sweden early this year. While attending an opening at a museum in Stockholm in January, Zvi Mazel, Israel's ambassador to Sweden, damaged an artwork that he felt glorified Palestinian suicide bombers. The work was created by Dror Feiler, an expatriate Israeli artist living in Sweden, and his Swedish wife, Gunilla Skold Feiler. News accounts said it consisted of a large basin of red fluid on which a small boat floated with a photograph of a smiling woman, Hanadi Jaradat, a suicide bomber who killed 21 people in Haifa last Oct. 4. The ambassador's action was commended by Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, who told his cabinet that he had called Mr. Mazel and told him 'that the government stands behind him on this issue.' Impulsive destruction that is sanctioned by a nation's leaders is different from the work of an inebriated, possibly celebrity-seeking individual like Mr. de Benetetto. But both acts seem motivated by a one-dimensional reaction and a distorted sense of entitlement that is especially surprising in the case of Mr. Mazel, a professional diplomat . Most surprising is attackers' simple refusal to entertain paradox, to see art as a coalescence of gray areas, ambiguities and multiple interpretations. Art's job is to provoke thought in ways that are difficult to resolve and uncomfortable; it's a relatively neutral place to experience the unresolvable issues that dominate real life, to practice a kind of abstract flexibility that might move us toward resolution in real life."rÂU]I'm not totally sure what this "URL" field under "Title" does, so this is simply a test post.rÃU—urlLink BBC NEWS | Health | Newlyweds advised to lower hopes : "The secret of a long and happy marriage appears to be not to expect too much from it."rÄTSomeone commented. Damn I feel speshal. Anyways, what do you do if you want to tell someone something, but you're afraid of the reaction that you may receive? And not necessarily that something, just anything in general. Dammit, we ought to have learned this is Psychology.rÅUÓIt took me an hour, but I got the template how I liked it. There are links right up there in the description for this blog. Which is nice. Try them. Dammit, I said try them. They took me a while to figure out.rÆUÃApparently they completely overhauled Blogger without telling me. And they added comments! Oh my god, I'm way too fucking excited for something that mundane. But anyways, here we come, comments!rÇTIf you like-a-me, like I like-a-you And we like-a-both the same, I like-a say, this very day, I like-a-change your name. 'Cause I love-a-you and love-a-you true And if you-a love-a-me. One live as two, two live as one Under the mango tree If you like-a-me, like I like-a-you And we like-a-both the same, I like-a say, this very day, I like-a-change your name. 'Cause I love-a-you and love-a-you true And if you-a love-a-me. One live as two, two live as one Under the mango tree - Tricky (with Ambersunshower) A touching song.rÈU•I have a guestbook now. Yes, it's crap, but it'll do. Plus if gives you all a chance to participate, which is immensely exciting, or so they tell me.rÉT€The New York Times > National > Using the Courts to Wage a War on Gay Marriage "The law school will teach the biblical worldview, but also instruct on practical lawyering," Mr. Staver said. "We will train the next generation of lawyers to protect religious freedoms through the courtrooms." Mr. Staver and Ms. Lindevaldsen said that while they disapproved of homosexuality, they were compassionate, and they distinguished themselves from those who 'spread hate' against gay people. "Adultery and homosexuality are both against God's will," Mr. Staver said. "Such sinners must be helped." Once again, let me say this. Fucking Americans.rÊT\Everyone's been on edge a bit, maybe because prom is in such a short time; but whatever the reason, it appears that everyone's being ground into a fine powder. So when a friend made the simple comment "You have good friends.", it occured to me that I really do. I know sometimes it seems as if I take you (a collective you) for granted, but that is only because I'm comfortable enough around you to do as much. And truly, I do love you all and I am thankful you're there - I'm conscious of the fact that there's generally someone I can rely on, confide in, talk to, just a short walk or telephone call away. And I'm sorry if my humor leaves anyone bruised or reeling - I don't mean it. It's just my attempt to enliven the journey that is life, to force some of you to see the less-than-rosy side of things, however irrational it may be. But people are irrational, that is definitely a fact. There are things about someone you may never know, and some things you may find out given time, and only time. So in conclusion, I admit I have some amazing people as friends, and I hope you'll all remain as such. Merci .rËU‚Baby you're all that I want When you're lying here in my arms (my arms), I'm find it hard to believe We're in heaven. Sappy, yes.rÌXaRobert and Schön Passmore took their children to Disney World last fall and left bitterly disappointed. As Christians who reject evolutionary theory, the family scoffed at the park's dinosaur attractions, which date the apatosaurus, brachiosaurus and the like to prehistoric times. "My kids kept recognizing flaws in the presentation," said Mrs. Passmore, of Jackson, Ala. "You know — the whole `millions of years ago dinosaurs ruled the earth' thing." So this week, the Passmores sought out a lower-profile Florida attraction: Dinosaur Adventure Land, a creationist theme park and museum here that beckons children to "find out the truth about dinosaurs" with games that roll science and religion into one big funfest with the message that Genesis, not science, tells the real story of the creation. - The New York Times Fucking Americans. There, I said it.rÍTfA mong all life forms, man alone has aspirations to mutate into something higher. Ancient myths -- be they Greek or Inuit -- swarm with demigods who are smarter, swifter, wiser and a lot better-looking than the dreamers who dreamed them. After Darwin published ''Origin of Species,'' and primeval skulls with prognathous jaws and small brainpans came to be identified as ancestors of man, the idea took hold that Homo sapiens was just one evolutionary stage toward an even brainier superhuman. In the century since Darwin brought forth his theory, even our closest relatives, the great apes, would be appalled by how the products of our highest civilization can behave with such savagery, and only the congenitally ignorant would argue that man has made any progress at all toward becoming a more intelligent, more compassionate animal. - The New York Times Well said.rÎU+Weird as it is, my parents like Pink Floyd.rÏTYTaking the train, you see stuff. The stuff no one cares about. Like the backs of buildings. For even if the front facade is awe-inspiring, the back is allowed to have peeling paint and dingy garbage containers in plain sight. Because no one - no one of import, at least - ever sees the back, so why should it matter? It's like you're traveling beneath the skin of civilization. But not only the stores, the houses also. No one in their right mind would allow their multi-million dollar estate to abut the train tracks , not without a thick stand of trees at the very least. And then it's only with the wind's cooperation that you might - might - get a brief glimpse of the people who live in the Main Line. The Main Line. The Main Line of the Pennsylvania Railroad , the path taken by the very first proponents of "white flight". Anyways, that aside, I saw a neat advertisement today, sponsored by urlLink BarnesWatch . It went a little something like this: "If there were other places like the Barnes, dispensing with it would not be tragic. But one minus one is zero." - The New Yorker, 12 Feburary 2004rÐTburlLink "An article published last year in The International Journal of Impotence Research..." What?! We have a journal - and an international one at that - devoted to Impotence Research? And see, I can't even use the stupid Americans excuse, it's international. Men, are terrible things sometimes. There we go, that's a good excuse too. Okay ta ta.rÑUž"'People will come into my office in tears and say they've been against abortion their whole lives,' he said, 'but they'll make an exception for themselves.'"rÒT So today was the very first day of freedom, and we celebrated by going once again to Philadelphia. Except this time there were fourteen of us. Thankfully, no drama really occurred, although it could have. And for that, I'm thankful. In all, it was fun; I enjoyed it immensely, although I doubt I'll ever have the patience to organise another outing quite this large. The sectionalism wasn't as bad as it could have been, but even so I may have to start organising things by cliche. But that's giving in. And giving in is bad. Anyways, I miss Greg, in a way. I think another something is in order, before I head off to Governor's School. Which gives me eight days. Hm.rÓT"'There also is this American way of suing if you have an opinion that doesn't suit, let's say, the owner of a work of art. At that moment, science stops. It's like Galileo, when he said the world moves around the sun, and he was sentenced for saying so.'"rÔT8"All eight leaders at the event have been supplied with their own vehicle, painted in their national colours... But although he has used his frequently, Mr Bush's attempts to establish his green credentials have been slightly undermined by secret service agents following him everywhere in powerful black SUVs. "rÕTI updated the sidebar. Note that the artists in the sidebar are just a few of my choice. They kind of go together but are by no means all that I listen to. Hell, there's no rock in there, which is a pity. But it has to stay that way for stylistic purposes.rÖTStill in that creepy, light-hearted mood since who-knows-when. Must be something in the water, because I doubt both "the first thing" and getting an iPod can keep someone bemused for this long. I bet you they're lacing the drinking water with something. No, that wouldn't affect me, as I drink mostly orange and cranberry juice. Perhaps it's something in the air? Or maybe it is the residual effect from those first two things which accounts for a third of the giddiness and the fact that school is almost over which accounts for the rest. It's logical and doesn't require any conspiracy theories. Good, we'll leave it at that. I'm in such a good mood I think I'll keep writing. On what subject I hardly know, but if I continue writing I'm sure something interesting will present itself. You know, jump out of a dark corner of my mind, dressed in drag, and scream "Voila! I present myself!" at the top of its lungs. Europe. I would like to go one of these days, do one of those three-month sojourns with a couple friends. That ought to be nice. Too bad airfare is 800$ or so at the cheapest (and that's to London, not pah-ree ) with a Eurail pass at about the same price. Then there's shelter and food to worry about, although that isn't as hard to do. Who knows, it could be interesting. Enough musing about plans that may never coalesce. I want something tangible and exciting to happen. Right now. Not literally, but something soon. I think I hit upon the source of that nagging feeling. I need something exciting to happen. Not necessarily to me, just to happen. But what the hell constitutes exciting? Maybe it's just the sudden death of my social life as finals approach. Not that I care, although everyone else seems to. I need to get some totally apathetic people together this weekend and go do something. Something exciting, of course. Not super-exciting, involving fast cars, alcohol, sex, and death, but amusing nonetheless. I'm sure that at this moment I'm so interaction-hungry a sedate evening at Starbucks would pass as "exciting". Sounds like a plan.r×U˜"Randall Terry, the one-time antiabortion zealot who took on antihomosexuality as his new cause after his own church disowned him for getting divorced."rØUIAnd 19 June 2004, this blog turns one. Just thought you should know that.rÙT³Well I got my iPod, with an iTrip and remote and all that good stuff. I'm amazed, the radio transmitter really does work. And well. Well, well enough to listen to on the main stereo system without noticeable static. And that's good enough for me. Anyways, I'm happy. And only from this thing, because that other thing kind of wore off. Sad, I know. But whatever; it's not like anything would have come out of that other thing anyways.rÚUëA friend's website. On a different note, I got a new quote-of-the-whenever: "I'd do --- in a heartbeat. Hell, even if we happened to be standing, on stage, at the Republican National Convention, I'd do ---. In a heartbeat, you hear?"rÛT± That's what today was. It started out as shit, but because of a lot of big and small things, it got infinitely better. This morning sucked, frankly. I was ready to shoot someone, anyone, by the time I stepped off the bus this morning. Not only was it crowded as always, but the only convenient seat was next to our bus' resident hick. You know, the NASCAR-cap, hunting-clothes, American-flag type. The fucker doesn't even pretend to see me as I ask him - nicely, mind you - to move over. Dammit people, this is the Main Line : we're all supposed to be in nice cars and nice clothes and at the very least above whatever IQ is needed for the basic bodily functions. The plain and unfortunate truth is that money can buy a lot of intangible things. Happiness, yes, to a point. Love, from Russia, I'm sure. Intelligence, I used to think so. Since when did we have to deal with rednecks? And then, when I sit down in my seat, I sneeze. One of those gross, icky sneezes. Ugh. But as I'm getting off the bus, Erin, with her impeccable timing, is also getting off hers. Damn it was a relief to see a face I know and love. That in itself was enough to reset the day-counter back to zero from the negative-whatever it was on the bus. And then there was Vanessa and her photo. We all know what I'm talking about, no? And if you don't, well I'm not at liberty to explain. All you have to know was, that made my day. Oh yeah, somewhere along the way I got an award for French for something. I guess that makes a small plus to my day-counter. The other big thing today was Julie's remark, which I swore was made only as a gesture - you know, one of those phrases that pops out of your mouth, without your even realizing it, which is designed to do little more than allay the fear and worries and frustrations of the other individual. She said something along the lines of, "Oh come on, you can do better than that.". And I would have left it at that, a gesture, a meaningless phrase, if it hadn't been reiterated again. Thanks, guys, even if you're all simply conspiring to find that exact thing to say at exactly the right time - even if they're all naught but gestures - you still managed to make me feel better. Good enough that I'm not sitting on my bed brooding and miserable. Thanks, again. Oh, and I got an iPod. Well come on, this is the Main Line, and in many ways (or every way?) , I am the antithesis to NASCAR-hunter-NRA-patriot-boy over there, but I'm damned proud of that. If I ever end up like that moron, someone shoot me. You can use the shotgun I'll have tucked away in my nightstand or whatever and load it with my special NASCAR-branded shells I had been saving for killing that big-ass male deer (I'm sure there's a more proper term for those, something I'll know if I ever do become a hick). Shoot at the hippocampus area, preferably. It's really fucking hard to miss if you're aiming pretty dead-center. Much thanks. Done venting and gloating and venting and gloating.rÜT{Professor Florida said that so far the greatest cities of East Asia were falling short of these criteria. "It is important to have the institutions, but you also need vibrant street culture and an open culture, not only openness toward ethnic diversity, but also diversity in sexual orientation and freedom of expression," he said. "Asia certainly needs a city like this, and Shanghai could be the one. Certainly the city that figures it out first will have some tremendous advantages." - The New York Times A rare post from Governor's School, considering the severe lack of free time. Things are going so-so. Call me: (484) 716-0913.rÝXM…Proofread and annotated. [Annotations are in brackets.] 30 June 2004 Culture is an elusive concept. It transcends all - race, location, and numerous other barriers. It’s pervasive, yet invisible; you make it seem almost like some hidden enemy or danger, lurking everywhere and everpresent, a constant threat. But what is culture? What is culture? The collective consciousness of a people: the value, traditions, history, and perspective of a community - in the nebulous sense of the word - and the underlying reasoning for the above. The “why†of culture is important - possibly of more value than merely the descriptors of the culture. [I have no idea how I jumped from defining culture to some crap about “whyâ€. However, why culture exists is probably pretty significant.] It is the foundation that has determined the current state of a culture today and where it will go - or where it can go. [Cultures are not in stasis, they revolve around change, or an aversion to it. Change is never always good, nor ever always bad. But one thing it is always - it happens, and there’s little you can do to stop it.] One must realise that change is something human beings are highly adverse to and it requires an often-intimate understanding of not only the position taken by an opposing culture but the experiences which have acted in conjunction to mould those positions. Who was it that said something about it being easier to condemn than understand? Cultures are like diamonds: they’re valuable, multi-faceted, and seemingly illuminated by an inner radiance. But neither necessarily shines in their own right - they take input and meld it - transform it - into something brilliant. But unlike diamonds, there are innumerable cultures and co-cultures - every one of us is party to countless cultures at any given time. Also, diamonds are forever; cultures are not. Everyone joins and leaves given cultures on a whim or maybe out of some requirement or need. [A perfect example of a transient culture is Governor’s School. Sure, we’re all here by choice, but we can’t leave the culture once we’ve joined. And in retrospect, the dynamic does change greatly over time. Time here is compressed, so the changes are even more noticeable. From the first, rather awkward, day to now, when we’re all more settled-in, one can see our society being changed - and changing - its members.] Being placed in a foreign culture is interesting. Particularly is the culture is pronouncedly different than one’s own. [But isn’t every culture very different in some aspect than one’s own?] One feels lost at best, maybe even a bit intoxicated by the assault of strange and unusual stimuli. When I was visiting China in the summer of 2000, I was placed in exactly that position. But I’m Chinese, I said; and, I speak - if nothing more - fluent Chinese! How is it possible one can speak effortlessly to the populous yet remain a total foreigner, that one needs more than just words to relate? But we do; because culture isn’t confined to merely utterances of the mouth, it is expressed in the clothes one wears, the attitude one holds, the forms of interaction that occur which go beyond speech to encompass such aspects of communication as body language. But there I was, forlorn and confined, shunned as a waiguoren - an “outsiderâ€. It sucked, knowing that I was essentially paying my way through life with greenbacks. Traveling to Québec was fun too; and I felt more at home there than in even the most Western parts of Beijing or Hong Kong. American money is just as useful in either place. Yes there were stumblings in my attempts at “learning the cultureâ€, but I thoroughly enjoyed both experiences. A wise friend one said that, “Even if you stumble, you’ve still made progress. And who can argue against progress?†[And another wise saying that went something like “It is only by being torn out of that which is comfortable to you, being forced to look at your life from a distance, that you see yourself.â€] 2 July 2004 There used to be a class entitled “The Theory of Knowledge†that was offered at my school. Probably they had the whole ontology-epistemology, subjective-objective-intersubjective thing going. It must have been a wondrous class though, being able to spend an hour every day discussing what is, what out to be, why it is - or ought to be, and the underlying principles of that knowledge. What does lying count as[, in this realm of thought]? I mean, if one believes strongly enough, [some lies can be as good as the truth.] And if enough people [believe in this collective lie]? And thus religion was born. Just kidding… But I see how the methods through which knowledge is acquired relates to culture. What is culture? [Defining it a second time…] In the very end, it’s knowledge. That knowledge may take on physical form in the traditions of a culture, but it can also remain solely in the sphere of memory. If a culture is suppressed vehemently enough, it often recedes into the thoughts of those who cherish it, to be brought forth again when it is safe. Language is essential to humanity. Of course it can limit us, but that is better than the alternative. [I don’t think I knew what the alternative was when I was writing this. The alternative would be a dearth of communication, a total inability for knowledge to be passed one. Sure, one can acquire knowledge, but one’s personal - firsthand - knowledge makes up only a small portion of one’s “experiencesâ€; it is by passing on knowledge between in across generations that culture is generated.] Knowledge is transferred by way of language. And every language has the ability to enrich the human experience. Every language is the product of a people’s experiences and travails; an audible tapestry that flows and morphs with time just as its speakers do. Language is instilled with the essence of a culture, even supposedly nonsense languages carry the weight of humanity, whether in a sense of childhood when speaking Pig Latin or community in using “’net lingoâ€. god, this journal isn’t going anywhere. 3 July 2004 Starting anew, and hopefully this time it’ll be more coherent. And more profound. [Profoundness is a good thing?!] Words are not universal. That is a given. But even if they don’t all manage to convey the same meaning, [there are universals:]human experiences - at their basest level - are essentially the same. I won’t use the love example, and thus end up on very dangerous ground, but attraction, curiosity, and repulsion are essentially constants. And - to be a bit daring - “love†is just a strong attraction. Anyone who thinks that love - “true†love - is irresistible, undying, and indestructible is merely deluding themselves. So I’m deluding myself. Imagery is also nearly universal. Even badly translated works of literature originally rich in description are still moving. Pictures, as well, are worth a thousand words. Clichés may be bad, but they’re true. A good picture conveys something beyond the realm of speech, something that reaches into the very essence of humanity, to the foundations of what it means to be human. A strong image distills language, association, and emotion into the most basic components, whatever it is that all humans have within themselves, what they use to identify what it means to be alive, and experiencing culture, and human. I know, I’m waxing both philosophical and romantic, so I’ll stop. Loss is another basic human emotion. Its derivative is sadness. Anger is one too. And the derivations of that: frustration, envy ,and spite. Back to language. If Sapir and Wharf are correct, it either totally or partially dictates our perception. What about those born deaf? What do they use to dictate how they perceive the world around them, if anything? I think that some extent the hypothesis is true, but even for those lacking hearing, there are still ways to convey meaning without language. I mean, they still form the same connections with one item and another, but they do not perceive the world in exactly the same way. They also are deprived of the “cultural†value of language. But those are also just associations of partially-related or totally-unrelated object, entities, concepts, emotions with a given thing. “Thing†is a nice short word. And I’m out of ideas. 7 July 2004 So we need more “good stuffâ€. Okay, let’s take a stab at it, shall we? With lots of analysis. Lots and lots and lots. [I know, it’s all crap. Forgive me.] Analyse oneself. That always provides some form of production return. Let’s see… someone in class said something about “hiding something about yourselfâ€, so that’s the logical starting place. I’m gay. That’s a relief; I wrote it - in pen no less - and it’s done. No, not really. Through the whole of human history (homo)sexuality has been a touchy topic. Okay, so now we analyse. You know there isn’t much to analyse. I’m frustrated often, but far from being depressed - or suicidal. Governor’s School isn’t particularly helping either: I’m putting the entirety of a typical (or atypical) teenager’s personal issues and a pressing need for a good hug coupled with a long - long - face-to-face talk on hold for five weeks. And here isn’t really the best place - nor the most comfortable place - to work through - yes, “through†is a good preposition here [since you have to work through your problems, not around them] - my insecurities and curiosities and whatever else there is hiding somewhere in my subconscious. I want to go home. And sure more and more people are finding out [here at Governor’s School] and I haven’t felt any enmity - distilled, diluted, or otherwise - so far but I’m in need of someplace to vent. I have no idea why it’s in my journal, but there’s no other place. I apologise; skip this paragraph if you wish. I hate being here. I’ve never met another gay guy in real life before - well, one where it was known that we both were gay, much less kissed anyone. And I’m stuck here. Stuck. Trapped. My friends finally know, and this summer was supposed to be one to remember, yet I’m fucking here, or all places. Not that I despise Governor’s School by any means, just that the “opportunity cost†of being here is high. [And economic jargon begins its inevitable integration into my speech.] And there’s almost no way in all of hell I’d let - or want - something to happen here. I hate this; I need to stop; I’m lonely and unhappy and homesick. There, I said it. I’m fucking alone in the whole fucking world, or so it seems, and it fucking sucks. [I have my blue moments, as I’m sure everyone does. That was one of them.] I need to call Julie for a self-esteem boost; write more later. [I love you, Julie.] Ethnocentrism and stereotyping are both bad. How do you avoid either? “Have an open mind†is the clichéd answer. What else? Embrace everything and anything, yet do not make generalisations. Essentially I’m trying to counteract both at the same time, but it’s inevitable one will tip one way or the other. But why do stereotypes persist? To be blunt, because they’re true. Generally true. Ethnocentrism? Well, for that there’s hardly an excuse, even a callous one. So I suppose it’s better to be slightly stereotypical instead of ethnocentric. [I still hold that opinion.] Wait; there’s an epistemological question here: why - or may “how†is better - do we - or I - know that both ethnocentrism and stereotyping are bad? Ethnocentrism effectively allows one the right to trample all over someone else’s culture - and their associated values, traditions, and ideals. And that’s a bad thing; just trust me, it is. But what about stereotyping? It demeans people, I suppose. Well I more than just “suppose†- suppositions are flippant, but you get the idea. I think that this topic is getting boring, so I motion to advance to the next one. Diversity. Is a term thrown around excessively by, well, everyone. [What else is it?] Yes, I do think it’s nice, but you can’t that so many things of great import and compress them into a single word. [I guess I was trying to say that the word “diversity†is burdened with too many meanings, variants, facets.] Yes having a diverse group of acquaintances - not necessarily friends - can open one’s eyes, but that doesn’t work if they’re all hopelessly ignorant. But, having a more or less homogeneous group of acquaintances who are all open-minded and well-read can still confer part of the benefits reaped by living in the midst of a diverse society. Not all, mind you, but plenty. [Which is why I adore my friends. Not only are they a diverse bunch, they’re intelligent and supremely fun to be around. I love you guys.] I think this is by far the longest entry. [My entries are not separated, unfortunately. The date divisions are just that - date divisions. In fact, one entry was written over midnight and so crosses a date division.] And my letter “a’s†are looking more and more like my “o’sâ€. That’s not a good thing. I’ll write more later. 8 July 2004 I feel terrible writing during a class, but if he has to repeat that concept another time I’m going to shoot myself. So, I need lots of analysis in this journal. And some way to lengthen this by another four pages, at least. [Handwritten, on college ruled paper.] We’ve already gone over the basic emotions, but I’m in a mood to talk more. Attraction, repulsion, and loss are good ones. Or rather, love, hate, and loss. Or rather, hate, because I’m not in a particularly warm and fuzzy mood. Why do humans “hate†anything to begin with? Especially between cultures; conflicts often appear when cultures meet and have occurred as far back as the first civilisations. And the reasons? Misunderstanding, or even a simply refusal to understand? And with its advent, religion. Dun dun dun… Sheer ignorance or all-consuming righteousness - generally on behalf of an “advanced†Western civilization and its linked religion - usually leads to the collapse, of even the annihilation, of the “other sideâ€. Cases in point - Africa and the Americas. Just because one feels that oneself is “better†than someone else does not mean that one has the right to impose one’s IdealsValuesReligionPerspective on someone else. And once again we hit the wall of stereotyping and ethnocentrism. [And what a common wall it is. Can we ever get beyond the wall? I doubt it.] My thoughts were interrupted and so now I have no idea what I was going for. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry for fucking everything. Every fucking atom in the cosmos. Because it’s all my fucking fault, that everyone hates me. People suck. They suck, plain and simple. My gaydar sucks, which only makes things infinitely more frustrating. Don’t psychoanalyse, just read. I’m not suicidal. And once again I forget the end to which I was heading. Fuck you all. [Another blue moment. Don’t know where the hell that one came from, though.] 9 July 2004 I’m just going to end up writing in this every day. Well I need it: it’s a nice place to vent. Oh, and it’s rather nice to put down all my thoughts on paper. I think I’m stuck in a rut. And a depressing rut at that. I spent well over an hour on a conference call with five friends. The content doesn’t matter, but it can be seen as a case of “intercultural communicationâ€. [So the five other people aren’t really friends. In fact, some probably hate each other. But they’re willing to sit there and help me hash through my insecurities and problems. And I love them for it. There was a lot more written here but it was nonsensical and dragged on forever.] Do you think different cliques in a high school each count as their own culture? Probably, especially if each group is well-insulated and things of itself as better than everyone else. Ethnocentrism? Or maybe just blinding ignorance and self-interest. But whatever the case, it happens; not to the magnitude of this hypothetical example [What hypothetical example? I think I lost my train of thought and went rambling again.], but it does happen. In some way, it’s almost like taking the world and shrinking it to a small population or a thousand or so. Not as diverse, and often much more liberal [Actually, a couple weeks of Governor’s School has proven to me there are young Bush supporters. My heart goes out to them, the poor bastards never had a chance.], than the world as a whole; but, in some creepy way, the social interactions align in pretty interesting patterns. And the student council, being - surprisingly - not just a popularity contest, is the body that arbitrates and facilitates interaction. [I think somewhere along the way it morphed from a “hypothetical†example to my school.] I really ought to go back to listening to “international political economy†11 July 2004 There is not way in hell this is going to be fifteen pages. And typed. I apologise profusely. [Oh, the irony.] So I went shopping - for clothes - today. Clothes are tied in to culture, aren’t they? [And who cares if they’re not? I like clothes.] Every culture or subculture - co-culture for all the politically correct people out there - has added its own flair or input on the basic components of apparel. Especially in wealthy developed countries (i.e. the United States), one’s manner of dress does so much to project one’s identity. Or not necessarily a true identity, as one can also use clothes to mask one’s own identity. [Clothes often reinforce stereotypes.] Sure, taste is entirely a subjective thing, but within a given group it is still somewhat codified to ensure some degree of homogeneity. Because everyone wishes to belong to one or many cultures, and clothes are an easy way of doing so. Clothes convey social status with a mere glance. They can also convey one’s interests or beliefs, although less frequently. Adamant Bush supporters don’t wear t-shirts likening Bush to a monkey just as the rich and famous don’t wear just “ordinary†clothes. Non-verbal communication at its finest. “The meeting of cultures creates disparities in societal normsâ€. [Somebody said in class.] Well of course, seeing as how cultures are a composite of the values and experiences of a given group of people. And by “given groupâ€, I assume the members of the group are relatively homogeneous, not just a random clumping of people utterly unlike each other in any way. So of course their societal norms - and extension of ethics - are not going to mesh perfectly. “Without the correct feedback, it is human to doubt oneself.†Is it ever. I’m close to being one of the most insecure people ever, almost completely unfunctional without at least a friend beside me at all times. Pathetic, yes, but I seem to have trouble relating actual, received feedback with the outcomes I’ve already mapped in my head. And yes, I do map outcomes in my head. [I’m not sure where this came from either. Writing longhand causes weird thought patterns. Or not necessarily weird, different. And being different isn’t a bad thing, they say.] Feedback is so crucial to a successful conversation in any medium. Beyond the fact that feedback is essentially what makes up a conversation - a verbal response, a typed response, etc. - other, more subtle, forms of feedback are also important. For example, sometimes you really don’t want to talk to a certain person. So you send subtle signs - non-verbal signs - to tell them you’re bored shitless and would appreciate it greatly if they would kindly hurl themselves off a cliff. Generally one can make the conversation as awkward as possible by trying to remain as silent as possible, both in person and on the Internet. I feel bad implying I ignore people on purpose, but whatever. Okay, I really don’t want to write any more. 12 July 2004 [This last entry was added for no reason whatsoever. No; in retrospect it was probably added to increase the journal’s length. Feel free to ignore it.] Communication without feedback. Feedback without communication. Neither is possible since communication is essentially the interplay of feedback in both the verbal and non-verbal components. That sentence made no sense. I was thinking of chiaroscuro, but that has nothing to do with intercultural communications. And how can you have feedback occur without the occurrence of communication? Not really possible since feedback almost always results in communication. Gestures. You know, those really pointless actions demanded by Society. “How d’you do?†and all that bullshit. It’s all been pounded into us since the age of zero so that there are entire conversations without an iota of feeling. But that can still count as communication, given a definition of communication where the feedback does not need any form of vested interest, just an exchange of symbols. And the meaning behind the symbols is… being nice, genial, amiable. What crap. Okay, ta ta. 15 July 2004 So I’m writing again. I don’t know why, or about what, but I’m writing. I had such a good topic, but I forgot it. Dammit. So I’ll write about music. Music conveys feelings. [What is that? The seventeenth time I’ve said that?] Especially wistfulness. I’ve been rather passive lately. The “shopping high†wore off, so I’m back to my lonely, carping self. And I’m listening to sappy music. Or maybe because I’ve been listening to heart-wrenching music, I’m once again back to sad-Nan. “There are lots of fish in the sea,†Julie says. Lots and lots of fish. Write more later. I think I offended a friend tonight. [It must have been near midnight when I wrote this, because this entry spans a date marker.] A really close friend. And really badly. I feel like shit, like I need someone - or something - to talk to. I hate this, why does everyone take everything I say with such gravity? Or rather, some people take me at my word while others never think I’m being serious. [Neither is a good thing, dammit.] I’m really fucking sorry; what else can I say? And you. You’re her boyfriend - her best friend. How can you just blow it off? How dare you just blow it off? 16 July 2004 How DARE you show no emotion whatsoever while I’m sitting here, in anguish, losing fucking sleep over it? WHAT THE HELL?! “I; I have become, comfortably numbâ€, the music says. No, I haven’t. I made a careless slip and now Kaitlin hates me. This isn’t intercultural communication, it’s basic communication. The human experience in all its wonder and evil, happiness and heart-wrenching misery; all melded together in one pitiful and insignificant life. One. Such a pathetic number in and of itself. Does life ever become so unbearable that you - ? I suppose it can. Maybe not indefinitely, but it can. And for that one infitesmal moment, it can seem as if the tradeoff is worth it. And that’s what scares me. As if? What if it is worth it? Shine on you crazy diamond. What is a life worth? I don’t; maybe it’s all relative. [I believe I meant to say “I don’t know.â€.] How can such a simple question not have a simple answer? [Lots of simple questions have complex answers, or no answers at all.] How can this most basic - as basic as the sun, moon, stars - of questions still require a relativist answer? Is nothing universal in its being; is nothing sacred? [I’m not completely sure why I associated universals with sacredness.] And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking; racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older: shorter of breath and one day closer to death. Adieu. I forgot to cap a brand new bottle of white-out and I put it in my bookbag. No relation whatsoever to anything, it just sucks. A lot. And this gross new formulation doesn’t come off very easily. [Or at all, seeing as how my notebooks still remain splattered with what appears to be white paint.] And it feels icky on my fingers. Why can’t they just stick with the old brush [as opposed to a new, foam one] and the old, crappy formula? Change can too be bad. Such as this case. The brush just sucks and it’s supposed to be correction fluid, not permanent paint. Oh, and it still smells terrible. So really, there wasn’t improvement. In fact, the white-out company appears to be retrogressing. Things you believe you can’t have are as good as things you can’t have. And that sucks, [but you can’t change your mind to believe you can have something if you’ve already decided it’s unattainable, no matter how hard you try.] The mind is a truly wondrous thing [in its ability to fuck you over]; it’s almost as good as real life. Maybe better. I think the one and only purpose in life is to find satisfaction. Or, in even more blunt terms, happiness. In some way, any way. I need some happiness in my life. What else can someone want? I suppose everyone obtains satisfaction in a different way: wealth, power, spite, altruism. But in the end, it is the same goals. Humans don’t share very much in common with each other, but this they do share. The same ones at least. [No idea where this was headed or how it got here, sorry.] 18 July 2004 I don’t know what I’m supposed to write, but I’ll write something anyways. Mobile communication. The next big thing. Not only cell phones, or even the super cell phones that can check e-mail and send video or whatnot. But internet access from alongside every major highway and in every major city. That is the next big thing. Even now, with wireless hotspots as the newest “in†thing, people are beginning to like - and become accustomed to - the technology. Ohh, big point. When someone becomes accustomed to something, they begin to expect it. And that’s not a good thing. Westerners are accustomed to too many things. And so they expect the world to be handed to them on a silver platter. Dinner. Back from dinner and ICONS. Oh, I was having so much fun, my head could explode. Positively explode. We - as Americans - feel like we’re entitled to too much. Like it’s our fucking birthright. [Hell, the land we live on isn’t even our birthright.] But why? Is society propagating our lifestyle? Probably. Can we change it? I don’t know, can we? If we all gave up something - Hummer, golf courses, rare wood furniture - wouldn’t we all be better off? The first “we†is Americans; the second, the world. To satisfy the United Nations’ daily water requirement for all six-something billion people on this planet, it would take 2.5 billion gallons of acceptably clean water a day. The worlds’ golf courses use 2.8 billion gallons of water a day. What an epitome of the bourgeois spirit - an activity that requires an enormous expenditure of water and land seemingly to make sure that the planet would be deprived of limited resources. How can you get across a foreign concept to someone totally and utterly opposed to your viewpoint - largely out of breeding? Indoctrination is a powerful tool. Is it possible to defeat it, however? Not from within, I don’t think. But there are no outside forces powerful enough. So is the answer no? Is there not some method one can use to get one’s point across? Even if the other party provides no feedback whatsoever, is it possible to transcend bias and prejudice - and all the collected experiences that came before - and provide sufficient reasoning for a good argument? It’d take more than words. Words don’t have enough power. Words cannot, in themselves, convey every nuance of human emotion. The symbol component may have once held power, but the meaning has been too degraded, too diluted, too limited to hold much power anymore. And for that I’m sorry. 21 July 2004 In global citizenship today we were talking about weblogs. I have one. This is going on it. Because at first I thought about continuing these journals beyond Governor’s School but then I realised there are more effective places to put down my thoughts. Digitsed information lasts longer than paper. Especially when something is written in water-soluble pen. [In fact, I’m destroying the original copied of my journals after I’m done with Governor’s School; this will be all that remains.] The internet is an amazing thing. I keep a public record of my thoughts on it. It’s the most sophisticated method of communication every devised by humans. It evolves and improves constantly; it hold no allegiance to any entity; it can create and destroy lives - both real and digital; it goes beyond what anyone in Renaissance Florence could have possibly imagined; or even people at the end of World War II. It now defines a significant part of the developed world - or at least the culture and methods of communication in the developed world - and it seems likely that the internet will only grow in power and efficiency. Instant messaging is an interesting method of communication. But not a novel idea, really. It’s like walkie talkies in words. Or really fast telegrams. Sure, it’s more cost-efficient - and more efficient period - but it’s not an enormous jump between sending e-mails to sending really short e-mails in real-time. It gives you time to think. Much like all writing. You generally tread more carefully since non-verbal communication is absent; things can be easily misconstrued or taken literally when one doesn’t mean it. Instant messaging can also get one into a lot of bad situations - it’s too damn easy to lie or dissemble, or to be so neurotic as to believe the other party is lying. You come to realise the inflection of one’s voice makes up an enormous amount of communication. New topic. What makes sex such an irreconcilable item between men and women? Beyond the biological factors, I mean. [Is there much beyond those, though?] The cultural factors. That men are often rewarded or commended for asserting their sexuality in a way that their dominance - supposed dominance, I should say - over women is obvious. Why does society persist in maintaining such a double-standard? Because back in “the dayâ€, men maintained their superior position through brute strength - something that mattered quite a bit in the Stone age - and somehow have kept that position over the past however-many millennia? Okay, that topic got boring fast. “What if you use derogatory labels but you don’t mean it?†In other words, the word “gayâ€. Beyond reinforcing the homophobia of society, it deeply ingrains a terrible stigma in the word, often without the user realising it. In informal polls, almost everyone that has firmly declared themselves to be open and accepting persists in using “gay†or “faggot†- and its myriad variations - as curses or insults. And then I come out to my friends and almost all use of the world ceases. Amusing, no? And now whenever someone does slip inadvertently, there’s an almost palpable cringe and awkward silence. That’s amusing. The end. 25 July 2004 These are getting increasingly sporadic; I feel bad. But individual entries are getting longer. Hopefully it will work out in the end. Everything works out in the end; that’s part of my theory on life. Ever the optimist, stuck in my world fabricated from wishful thoughts. People say I trust in other too much. I think I trust in them enough - such that we are all conferred the status of rational beings, and rational beings are good in the end. I’m relaxed and content. It’s really nice. We had to “check in†again tonight, but I’m still in a mood to ponder. The past couple days have been pretty damned amazing, especially since I met someone who’d make an absolutely amazing friend. But that person lives here [Pittsburgh] and I live five hours away. So it’s true you meet awesome people here, but you may never have the chance to just sit in a coffeehouse and relax with them, which sucks. Instant messaging and phone calls really aren’t good enough; it takes someone’s physical presence sometimes. You know, those people who are entrancing in person but almost blasé otherwise. That’s a major low point right now. But you just have to push it off center stage and seat it next to the box labeled “school-assigned summer work for the 2004-2005 school yearâ€. Society dictates a lot of things. Is that a good or bad thing? If we were all free-thinking - and I suppose ideal - beings, then an utterly unstructured society might not be so bad. There would be no need for laws if we could all make the rational choice. But we don’t, so Society is always there to ensure we make the “right†choice. There are decisions we make for ourselves - or that we believe we make for ourselves - and those so deeply ingrained in us that we see only one choice that would be considered “logical†to take. In fact, some decisions are so impossible to escape that we don’t realise we’re making a choice. They’re transparent and pervasive. Like culture, in fact. We constantly make choices we’re only slightly aware of. Or ones we’re completely oblivious to. Many many times in a second. Such as why I’m not stopping this journal and heading off to mingle or why I should jump on a coffee table and start doing the Macarena. Because there’s no one to mingle with at the moment and because it’d be ridiculous and embarrassing. Why? Because Society told me it would and has taught every to look upon anyone who commits - yes, commits, like a crime - such an act as an imbecile and to point and laugh accordingly. Moreover, Society has made it perfectly clear that being pointed and laughed at is a bag thing. 27 July 2004. Last journal entry for Governor’s School.rÞTãToday I finally finished up building this wretched thing. Last night I glued in what at the time was a perfect windshield. After holding it down to let the glue setup, however, I noticed that I got two little spots of glue that ran down from the chrome frame that the windshield sets in; I can't keep anything nice! In case you were wondering, in this photo the model is setting on the trunk of my fathers '57 (see photo in the last post.) The color is called Tropical Turquoise.rßTÓThis is my father's 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air Two-door Sports Coupe. Under the hood is a three-year-old 350 cu. in. Chevy crate motor, pushing out 250 horsepower. Setting on top of the motor is a Holley 650 carburetor bolted to a Edelbrock intake. Bolted to the back of the motor is a Muncie 3 speed manual transmission, and the rear end is the only original thing on the car. For more information about my dad's car, I have setup a urlLink website where I can post photos from trips that we take in the car. In about 10 or 12 hours I will more than likely be in the garage waxing the front of the car so that bugs won't bake into the paint job on the hood when we go to Idaho. We will be driving this car over 2,000 miles to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho for the 2004 urlLink Bowtie/ Late Great Chevy International convention without air conditioning, what fun! Yep, that right, no air conditioning because the motor runs "too hot" as it is, and adding air conditioning would probably fry the thing. Get this- while driving 5 MPH in a parade our car temperature gage is halfway between C & H, however, when driving 80 MPH down the interstate in third gear the gage is leaning on H and you can smell anti-freeze. My mechanic father and I believe that the shaft in the water pump (which the fan blade is bolted to) is slipping at higher RPMs, thus pumping less anti-freeze/ water through the motor. At lower RPMs, however, the slippage is less, thus causing virtually no change in water temperature.ràTToday, or actually yesterday, I finished a devil model car I was building. The model is a 1953 Chevrolet Corvette Panamericana racecar, however, it ended up being a 1953 Chevy Corvette with engine parts from a 1954 Chevy Corvette because I didn't read the instructions. OriginallyI planned to make it a model that looked like it just rolled off the line, but after screwing up the paint job in two spots on the driver's side, and numerous other mess ups, it became the "Mexico Badger" Panamericana racer. I have to admit that with all the race stickers on, it does look cooler, and thanks to a couple stickers on the drivers side, I have a perfect paint job. I plan to enter this model in a contest in Idaho next week, so I will have photos of it in competition. If you've made it this far in the reading you are probably interested in the model cars, so here's the urlLink link to the kit that I built in three weeks.ráTÞIn case you were wondering what the hell urlLink Internet Explorer is, it is the computer program that you use to look at web sites on a PC. Well recently my one-year-old 2.0 GHz HP computer decided to start freezing up every time I used Internet Explorer. The thing that pissed me off was that it decided to keep freezing up while I was working on a website for my fathers classic car club ( urlLink Crown City Cruisers ), so I virtually got nothing done after working for almost two hours. Finally I remembered hearing on urlLink G4TechTV about an urlLink Internet Explorer alternative called urlLink Mozilla Firefox . After about 10 minutes of downloading, I started up Firefox, and I haven't used Internet Explorer since. I soon found after downloading Mozilla Firefox that you can download thousands of different extensions, which are basically little programs that customize Firefox to your preference. Browser customization is probably the feature that I love the most about Firefox- something that the communist Microsoft Corporation hates. Mozilla Firefox is what computer geeks call Open Source, which (as Dictionary.com puts it) is a method and philosophy for software licensing and distribution designed to encourage use and improvement of software written by volunteers by ensuring that anyone can copy the source code and modify it freely. This means that if I wanted to, I could write an extension for Firefox, possibly improve the software for some users, and share it freely. Open Source is the future of computer software, and will probably one day take down large corporations like Microsoft. If you are interested in Mozilla Firefox, or any other Mozilla products check out urlLink http://www.mozilla.org for more information.râTìWell since my "Official Website" was basically a failure, I have decided to just create a blog and set it up so it is my website. THX 138- What is it? It is the California license plate number on John Milner's piss yellow 1932 Ford Coupe (Deuce Coupe) in the 1973 George Lucas classic American Graffiti. The reason that this is the name of my blog is because I am interested in cars, urlLink American Graffiti is one of the best movies ever made, and I couldn't think of anything better.rãUCperipheral euphoria- a feeling of happiness not always seen or felträUèhttp://www.oneworld.net/external/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.panda.org%2Fnews_facts%2Fnewsroom%2Fpress_releases%2Fnews.cfm%3FuNewsID%3D6804 http://www.ivorynet.com/banivorytrade/ http://www.wolfcountry.net/information/WolfEndangered.shtmlråU)death. personal_consumption.blogspot.com?ræX¶The Stranger (101 favorite restrooms) excerpt 87. Barça 1510 11th Ave Widely praised as the most luxurious ladies' room on Capitol Hill, Barça's girls' loo boasts private stalls, fresh lilies, a velveteen settee, and a graceful pedestal ashtray. It's also a nice place to have a drink when the bar gets too crowded. (And the ladies didn't seem to mind a couple of guys hanging around, smoking cigars, and watching them primp.) 88. Bad Juju Lounge 1518 11th Ave In a witty bit of floor-planning, the Bad Juju's VIP men's room boasts a crotch-level aquarium forming part of the wall, overlooking the rest of the bar, and offering lucky patrons the possibility of a glimpse of VIP genitals.rçTÌSome Hives News! Their new album, which is still untitled, should be out on July 20 on Interscope. "Idiot Walk" is the first single and a video was shot yesterday in Sweden. The single is scheduled for June. most importantly, US tour dates begin in mid-July. If you've seen The Hives before, you know that they are awesome (and hilarious) live. If you've never seen them, I feel sorry for you, and you should do your best to get to one of these summer showsrèT4Curiosa tour THE CURE INTERPOL THE RAPTURE MOGWAI WITH MUSE, COOPER TEMPLE CLAUSE MELISSA AUF DE MAUR CURSIVE HEAD AUTOMATICA AND THURSDAY ON THE SECOND STAGE... AND SPECIAL GUESTS ... THE NEWS IS OUT ... 7/24 - West Palm Beach, FL 7/25 - Tampa, FL 7/28 - Nashville, TN 7/29 - Atlanta, GA 7/31 - New York, NY 8/1 - Camden, NJ 8/3 - Cincinnati, OH 8/4 - Cleveland, OH 8/7 - Boston, MA 8/11 - Detroit, MI 8/12 - Chicago, IL 8/14 - Dallas, TX 8/15 - Houston, TX 8/17 - Denver, CO 8/18 - Salt Lake City, UT 8/27 - Los Angeles, CAréXBi don' tknow ¬£¬Nicole¬£¬ says: exactly! ¬£¬Nicole¬£¬ says: so, whats up in your life? :jacques..: notvery much :jacques..: trying to keep up with the secret police ¬£¬Nicole¬£¬ says: you mean at school or? :jacques..: everywhere ¬£¬Nicole¬£¬ says: ohh have u ever got caught? :jacques..: by the secret police? never :jacques..: they're too low on the known-scale ¬£¬Nicole¬£¬ says: ohh I see :jacques..: have you ever dealt with theM/ ¬£¬Nicole¬£¬ says: lol not really ¬£¬Nicole¬£¬ says: but it must be tough :jacques..: yes. it isrêTEGet your stride on relax! just let the flashbacks flash by Its a memory re-max we'll let the tarmacs float by we're on an averagely avion in the average environ of the average area that we call the ocean ooh! l'horizon down on an angle down by the water we're going to crash All of you pull out your parachutes we're going in a flash Die! Get your stride on Relax, man there's nothing for you to worry about just let the flashbacks fly by don't worry about the shrapnell dancing about Its time to relax Just forget you're in a crash-site its time to relax (you're in the ocean)rëTTripping over roots in the deep dark forest of El Gruss Its me and a moose, we're battling to the death No one had known about the dangerous Malone The Italian Sovereignty Survived... I knew i was gonna die Running through streets tripping over side walks I was jumping over creeks and slipping on the big rocks in my waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (3x) And as my enemies they stalked me while i was breathing hard, sweating even harder and running really far With gloves on, to leave no trace, they were going kill me, and steal my face And put it on, one of their dangerous criminals with knifes, and guns and pity at a minimal degree... He'd look like me... Oh no, they'll get me, make me into a criminal get me to kill all the drug dealers who they hate, all old ladies who have purses to take their money... They'll take my face Don't let them do it, they'll take my face I know just how they do it... Who cares about my money, my bank account, my family, Its all about my face when you get down to it... Don't take my face don't take my place... don't make do the things i never wanted to do Take my money, Take my house, Take my keys, my car, but just don't, don't take my face... (my face is mine, i must keep it on all the time, my face is mine, this time i'll kill you IT IS MINE my face)rìU÷Float High end Boats on a poluted river let starving birds eat the fas that you give them throw over the side shit walk in it in stride wait till its low tide while floating high end boats up a river break your social scene but spare some feeling.ríT¬La Gioconda, or, the Mona Lisa. Painted by Leonardo DaVinci of the young wife of a merchant. Its painted on a thin sliver of wood, and, is admired by most all people to be considered an extraordinary painting. Her smile is unconsistent with paintings of the period, which makes it stand out. The way the folded hands make a triangle with the body is stunning. The history of the Mona Lisa is interesting. DaVinci was asked to paint the wife of a merchant, and, it took him over four years to complete it, but, never gave it to the merchant. He took it with him to France, where it traveled from King Francis I. to the Louvre to Napoleon, then back to the Louvre. It was stolen, brought to Italy, sold, and then returned to the Louvre again. In 1956, they attempted an acid procedure on it, which damaged much of the lower half of the painting, but, was saved by many years of restoration. It now sits in the Louvre, unable to leave again.rîTËWelcome to Noodle Soup. I started a blog, not to long ago, called urlLink Alphabet Soup . It is a group story writing blog. Well, this is it's newly founded sister blog, Noodle Soup. The main purpose of this blog? Essay writing. Alot like www.everything2.com . But our goal is improving our writing ablity, whereas their goal is sharing knowledge, and writing really neat stuff. So, obviously you're not going to be reading this blog for good writers. So, the name.. yeah, I had trouble with that one. My description of it? Alphabet soup, the blog for fictional stories, is a letter soup. You can arrange the letters however you want. The sister blog, which deals with essays, is non-fictional stuff, just a presentation of information. Noodles can be bent and stuff, and presented differently, but they are still the same noodle, the same info. Wether or not people actually pick up on that, well, that's their problem. If someone has a better title, please tell me.rïTeWell I was hoping today would be uneventful and boring, but my hopes were soon shattered by a little bunny. One of my cats was chasing the little fellow around the house. He put a few teeth holes in it's little furry back. I saved the bunny from a slimy toothy doom, and now he's sitting in my old empty rat cage. The poor thing hasn't moved for atleast an hour. I can tell he's alive though. His eyes are wide open, staring down the throat of an imaginary cat. My grandmother told me to let him out into the wild. I carried him via towel to the front lawn, but he just sat there, looking at the imaginary cat again. She insisted that I just leave him there, but I couldn't do that. I was prepared to do anything to make sure this little insignificant ball of blood and fur and organs breathe another day. I don't know why. Alot of people save rabbits from death everyday. You'd think they were doing the rabbits a favor. The sad truth is, all living things die for a reason. That reason is called Natural Selection, or Evolution. Now, when we save a rabbit, are we doing the rabbit species a favor, or just the opposite?rðT)So, i'm an artist. Learning to be an artist, atleast. Hopefully I'll be able to practice long and hard enough to get some somewhat decent art to post. A drawing a day is my rule. Why art, you ask? Because art is good. Art is creation. I like to create. I want to create people. People that live in worlds of my creation. People with stories of my creation. People with problems of my creations. I want to be the GOD of my own world. Think about that for a second. If I can create with nothing but pencil and paper, couldn't the creator of me and you have done somthing similar? I'm not saying that I beleive in a god. I'm open to the idea that there may or may not be one, and that we'll probably never find out. What i'm saying is just another possiblity out of the millions of possible possibilities, and by saying it I am acheiving nothing. So in short: The above three paragraphs have done nothing at all in the advancement of human knowledge, and by writing it I have wasted a good 10 minutes of time I could have spent doing somthing productive. The end.rñUPAnd so it begins. A blog of epic proportions. Ok, maybe not. But what do I care?ròT“So, my mom bought a Vespa. It is pretty and shiny and fast. I'm going to take photos of it, because it's so shiny. She said I could get one, too. Once I have my license. I'll try to get the Yellow one from FLCL. That would make me a very happy fanboy indeed. Haven't thought of anything to post lately. So i'm boring you with my Vespa news. The Vespa photos won't be boring though, I promise you that.róT§Me, my brother, and my mom, were standing on the side of a road. It was the time of day where everything reflected a strong blue color. I shouted, "This is MY world!" In this dream I represented the color blue. My brother seemed upset, he represented green. We argued for awhile. I can't remember the specifics. I was trying to calm him down, make him see reason. I pointed to the grass below us. "Look, there is some green there." I pointed across the street at a yellow Bulldozer. "And there is a green sticker on that machine." I pointed to a green roof on a restaurant down the street. "And green there, too." He said, "Hey, I didn't notice those before." We finally agreed.rôT‘Whenever my grandmother catches me reading a book, she'll walk up to me, smile at me, tell me she is proud of me. Whenever she catches me playing a video game, she makes rude comments, often extremely insulting to my entire being, she orders me to do somthing else, and when I don't do exactly as she says, she sighs and slumps away, grumbling under her breath. This is so very wrong. Sitting on my ass reading a book for 10 hours straight is just the same as sitting on my ass playing a game for 10 hours straight. They are both enriching, wonderful peices of art. But some certain members of my family tend to judge things without any actual contact or study of the actual thing they are judging. They do it alot, and it pisses me off. If I tell them this, they simply shrug it off, and continue to avoid contact with whatever thing they have judged. There's really not much more to it. Rant mode - Shutdown.rõUæI was looking for a snack a little while ago, and found a bottle of cheese sauce that had expired a little over 2 years ago, sitting so innocently in that fridge next to everything else i've eaten in the last 2 years. Mmm, cheese.röUÚI watched Apocalypse Now a couple days ago. Man, what an amazing movie. I'm not really in the mood to write up a big post right now, so just go and watch it. Your jaw will drop at some of the visuals, too. I assure it.r÷TR My room is an awful mess. I have a tiny desk with two monitors, covered in coke cans, a dresser I don't even use, an empty rat cage sitting in the middle of the room, ANOTHER desk covered in junk, and basically a bunch of other furniture I have no use for at all. My mom doesn't seem to understand the concept of getting rid of junk. Our house is overflowing with furniture we do not need, and do not use, just hogging up space. Whenever I walk into someone elses home, I am simply amazed by how nice and neat and pretty things are. Now, when I walk into my OWN home, I feel horribly claustrophobic. I wonder if my mom realises how much money she could earn by selling some of our stuff. We have a rather large pool table in our den. You can hardly play without your stick hitting the wall while trying to make a shot. Although this is hardly a problem, seeing as we never use the damn thing anyways, unless a shelf for laundry baskets really counts as using it. We also have a ping pong table, folded up on the deck, because we have no place for it to fit, and, even if we did, we wouldn't use it. I could really go on and on about all the different monstrous peices of useless furniture in my house. So, anyways, I had a really nice idea today. There is a room next to mine, it's pretty much empty at the moment. I decided I could connect it to my room with a door way, and make it an extension to my room. Mainly a room for rabbits and rats. I never did have adequate space in my current room to take care of rats. Rats need room to run around, you can't just keep them in their cage. I'd also move into that room my bed. Now, take this, plus a little convincing to my mom to get rid of all the other junk in my room i'm not using, and i'll be able to BREATHE again! I've wanted to setup a little entertainment center on a single wall of my room. Nothing too big. Just a medium sized TV with some shelves around it, and maybe 2 beanbag chairs. Nothing but that on the wall. Then, on the other side of the room, in a nice open area, i'd place my computer desk. In the other room, a single bed, a 4 foot tall, 2 feet wide, rat tower/cage, a rabbit cage, and all kinds of toys for the rabbit and the rats to enjoy. Mostly just air, though, and that is what is important. I feel i've ranted quite enough for now. I need to go talk to my mom about getting rid of all our junk now.røTæI was hoping to post some comics I had thought of awhile back, and introduce some ideas that kind of went along with the comics, but that would require me drawing decent art, and that just isn't going to happen. So now I have nothing, other then what I did today, but that isn't very interesting. So... Today I woke up, went to a party full of people I don't know, came home, picked up a friend and played video games, and now I am here, struggling to make a decent post, and failing.rùU My mom discovered he was dead right after returning home with $40 worth of rabbit care items. The imaginary cat finally got him. She wants to buy a bunny now.rúUrHeey. Sorry for lack of updates. I spent the last two days shooting my friend with nerf darts. It's my new hobbie.rûT…Ok, so there is this box, and babies are flying out of it. The babies crawl outward, each taking a different direction. One of the babies has a mohawk. After alot of crawling, and alot of growing, the mohawk baby reaches the end of another box. Beyond it's borders is a mystery, he does not know what he is seeing. He jumps out. Nobody really knows what happens then. Maybe some magical stuff occurs, with pretty colors, and he turns into another baby. (note the different colored mohawk) Then maybe he's spit out again, from the same box he started from. I really don't know what the hell i'm doing. I'm having fun, though.rüTÞI was looking through different chat quotes I had saved and found this: BuddytheRat08: Opinions are like assholes, everyone has them, and they all stink. [name removed]: Hahahah. BuddytheRat08: Wow.. When dogs smell eachothers asses, it's like they are sharing their opinions and making their judgments on eachother based on that. BuddytheRat08: Just a thought that crossed my mind. o_0 [name removed]: Usually the opinion is either 'I should fuck this dog' or 'I should fight this dog for territory.' [name removed]: Which is also a lot like human interaction. BuddytheRat08: Sad that "civilization" can be dumbed down to that of a dog. [name removed]: We're dogs with opposable thumbs. I don't know why we get so off on ourselves.rýU”I've got nothing interesting to tell you anymore. I'm just writing for the hell of it. Too bad i've got nothing interesting to tell myself, either.rþUgClick for larger version. urlLink urlLink urlLink urlLink urlLink Isn't it shiny?rÿTÒIt's 4:00 AM and what am I doing? Brainstorming. I had an idea a couple hours ago for the game. Here is what I wrote down: You play an alien trapped in the deep labrynthine walls of Area 51. The game is a top-down grid puzzle game, much like "Chip's Challenge", in which you walk through a grid map, finding keys, pushing crates, pulling levers, doing whatever you can to reach the exit of the level, and make it further out of area 51. The spin: As an alien, you are a little more advanced then Humans. You have psychic powers, which you can use to do a number of tasks, such as flipping an out of reach switch, pushing an out of reach crate, or even controlling a patrol guard, etc. Now all I need to do is think up each of the puzzle elements, and how they will be made graphically. Not as easy as it sounds. So, the alien uses telekenesis to solve problems, and thus we need problems to put use to these powers. This is where the real thinking begins, and my creativity is put to the test. Puzzle games are rather difficult to create, as they should be. If they aren't hard to think up, they won't be hard to solve. And thus I sit, at 4:00 AM, and brainstorm. Maybe some sleep will make it easier to think. G'night folks.rTìI got some good photos from my friend's house. He lives on a farm. This is his horse, mano. He's a rather old horse, but still sweet as can be. The sky was dark blue from a storm that had recently passed. It was beautiful that day. urlLink Last weekend a tornado came through the area. His barn lost it's roof, and is now strewn all over the place. Another barn, not too far away, completely collapsed with a car under it. They managed to get the car out, but they ended up with $3400 worth of car repairs. urlLink Here's my friend, in one of his more.. emotional moments. Haha, actually, after telling him that he proceeded by snapping the flower in two, flexing his muscles, and growling. urlLink Annd, that's about it for today.rTCI just got back from seeing "The Day After Tommorow". It's the first time in awhile that i've gone to see a movie I knew was going to be bad. It was quite awful. On the drive home, my mom, and my brother discussed the movie. They thought it was kind of stupid too, but they only pointed out the little holes. The small little mishaps. The tiny impossibilities that you always notice in movies like this. But, they let these little holes go off easy. They still enjoyed the movie, in all of it's imperfections. But, what about the bigger holes? The holes that real critics notice. I noticed some, if not all. For example, all of the pointless suspense added to the film, and all the sappy human-interest episodes to pretty it up and hide the unintresting aspects of the movie. My mom and brother enjoyed the movie, they said so themselves. In fact, to quote directly from my brother, "It wasn't that bad. It was good for what it was, an armageddon movie." This is a prime example of a shallow persons ability to completely ignore the big picture of things, or, in this case, the big holes.rT[The following post has been rated "Really Boring", for excessive ranting about things you probably don't give a damn about. You have been warned.] I like making games. Well, trying, atleast. I've never actually finished a game before, only started alot of projects that were really way too extreme and large for me to actually finish them. I haven't started any new projects in quite awhile, but recently I've had a sudden urge to start it up again. This time i'll take up a strategy in my game planning. [You don't have to read any of this, I just feel like typing it out. I'm not trying to make this post interesting in any way.l] So, I've decided to make small pathetic games. No big epic ones. Just for now, atleast. There's something about playing you're own creation that gives you a strong feel of satisfaction in yourself, and when you work on a game for a very long time with nothing to actually play, you get bored with the project. Now, I could take a bunch of side projects, and have a big project that I work on back and forth, but I don't think that's enough. I think I should take on a big project, and instead of getting too ahead of myself in planning, I'll slowly code and create beta versions. Like, feild with the character in all his animated glory, with all the engine stuff coded. [Have you really made it this far? Really, you can stop reading.] Hmm, so, like I said i've taken on alot of projects. I beleive my first big one was...no..or was it...nope. There are too many to even remember. I remember a GTA type game in which you take up missions, in a top down space shooter style, like asteroids. And a "School Simulator". That one was weird, yet I still think it would have been great if I finished it. Basically, you go through the school year, but what made it interesting was it was driven by a very large choice branch system, so, every choice you makes changes the rest of the game. There would be no test taking, grades would be based on your characters additude I suppose, or, possibly, when you arrive home from school you choose a certain ammount of effort to put into studying (and you'd be limited on your choices based on your characters stats) and then that would effect waking up and all that stuff. You can probably begin to see why I never finished this, or anything else I started. Oh, and the cat RPG. That was a good one. (atleast I think so) You start the game by choosing between to cats, Smokey or Kidd. (I would post pictures but i'm not at my home computer. Maybe i'll edit the post when I get home.) The idea was that Kidd and Smokey (two rather large male cats) were fighting over who was the head cat of the neighborhood. Smokey, the house cat, would obviously start in a house. The gameplay would be as follows, you travel around the RPG style maps, finding various cats. Each cat would request a favor, or an item, or many a thing, in exchange for their alleigence. For instance, at the start of Smokey's quest you would first hafto get your furry ass out of the house. In order to do so you would hafto push some things out of the way, but the only cat with the push skill is Willow. Once finding willow, he would ask you for a favor of somesort, and upon completing whatever task was handed to you, Willow would join your party, and thus, give you access to more areas. I was going to have different areas to get into, thus having each play through of the game different then the last, by having some kind of limit on the cats you get on your team. I really favored replayability. [Seriously, go do somthing productive.] The only game I think I've ever really finished was "Poke". I kept "poking" people in the eye on AIM, and felt inspired to make a game, in which you ran around a box area, chasing eyeballs, and then poking them to destroy them, while at the same time running from a giant evil hand, trying to poke you, as well. I only made about 3 levels, but it was fun, and quick. I might not make games THAT simple, but still pretty simple. I'm hungry now. I can't wait for Travis's parents to get home with seafood.rU¯Here are some photos from my weekend spent with my relatives. No pictures of actual relatives, though. urlLink urlLink urlLink urlLink And there you have it.rT?I am now entirely convinced that the school system is complete, utter, bullshit. I have this younger cousin, see? If one were to meet said cousin, within about 3 minutes of shaking his hand, one would now have a strong almost uncontrollable need to shove your foot into his face and break his nose, if you haven't done that already, that is. By being around him in strict moderation I have succesfully created an immunity to resulting in violence. Recently I was visitng this cousin (along with many other relatives.) for the weekend. I had a good time. The fun, intelligent relatives strongly out numbered this one. Upon stepping out of the car, my cousin was there to greet me and my brothers. He was next to the car in front of us, a friend was with him. The car radio was booming loudly with "When I move you move! Oooh, just like that!" playing repeatedly.( I'm sure you've heard this awful song on the radio or somthing by accident.) Him and his friend were bobbing their heads up and down, trying to look tough and cool. I sighed and wanted to run right back into the car and drive home myself, knowing what my weekend was holding in store for me. I was glad I brought 3 books with me, because once I found a nice hiding place i'd spend most of the day sitting and reading. If not for that one minor detail, I don't know what would have happened. I made it back alive, but not without making some sacrifices. He now has a name on AIM, and, also, my screenname. I figured with use of the internet, I could talk some sense into him. I was so horribly wrong. ause63: hey whats that one friends name Myself: I'm not giving you her screenname, sorry. ause63: why Myself: Because I'm sure she doesn't want to talk to you. ause63: pleasssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeee Myself: Sorry, not going to happen. ause63: its anach ause63: ill say nice things you can evan ask her Myself: Sorry, anach isn't it. ause63: i need more people to talk to Myself: So get some friends. Myself: The internet is a large expansive world, lots of people to meet. Myself: Only about 3 or 4 people in my buddylist I know in person. ause63: i,ll will stop bugginyou ause63: dont have any ause63: is she one Myself: No, no she is not. Myself: I think you missed the point. ause63: how did you find her name Myself: When I said, "get some friends" I meant get soem friends. ause63: what Myself: I met her on a webforum. ause63: whats that Myself: It's a large community of people online. ause63: how do you get to one Myself: Through a web browser. ause63: and when is gene going to get back ause63: whats that Myself: Internet Explorer ause63: what Myself: I don't know. ause63: i dont get it Myself: Internet Explorer is an web browser, you use it to browse the web. Myself: You're not very bright, are you? ause63: what enter net sight ause63: .................nam ause63: //...............name ause63: hellow Myself: There are lots of them. ause63: a;sldkgf;aha;sodi;as ause63: give me one Myself: Stop getting impatient when I don't reply within 5 miliseconds of what you say. I'm doing more then one thing you know. ause63: ;aligh;aoeifj;a Myself: www.squidi.net has a forum you might enjoy. They have strict rules on proper grammer and spelling though, so don't waltz in talking with no punctuation. ause63: thats dome Myself: It's a webcomic, like the ones I read. I recommend reading through all the comics starting at the beginning before going into the forum. Myself: On the contrary, that's smart. It keeps the unwanted people away. Myself: Grammar is your friend. ause63: im goning in and wright ;alisdgt;aerhi;aosiertha hahahaha Myself: That's really not very clever or humourous in any way. All you'll acomplish doing that is getting made fun of, and then banned almost immediatley. ause63: still doing it He asks for a way to get people to talk to online, I supply him with such a way, and he, for some reason, decides to register to the forum just to flood the forum with his random pressing of keys on the keyboard, and it doesn't stop there. Not only is he incapable of making friends in an online environment, but is also incapable of registering to a forum. ause63: it says im not a member Myself: You hafto register first. Myself: Look near the top of the forum, there should be a link labled "Register" Myself: You need an e-mail to register though. ause63: where front page Myself: Front page fot he forum. Myself: Stop askign me questions and look for yourself ause63: a;slifha;ewrghio ause63: gene is still not back Myself: He's sleeping. ause63: how come he didnt go off Myself: because he doesn't want to Myself: don't ask pointless questions ause63: uhhhhhhhh whats 2+2? ause63: fjkyulufgkuy ause63: lekjrhlaskejrh ause63: apierunhaopeirah ause63: hey how do we get permision to rply Myself: I told you you hafto register. ause63: i did Myself: And now you hafto click the link in the convermation e-mail sent to the e-mail address you supplied in the register form. Myself: The forum tells you to do this, yet you are here asking me. ause63: it hasnt come yet Myself: So be patient. ause63: ive wated long Myself: It hasn't been that long. ause63: yep ause63: it has Myself: Too bad then. Myself: If it is too far beyond your mental capacity to register for the forum, maybe you shouldn't be posting there in the first place? I wonder.. If people like him somehow managed to figure out this complex process, would they, in turn, completely destroy all of the internet as we know it? I tremble in fear at the thought. But onto the point of all this. Get ready, becasue what you're about to hear will amaze you. My cousin-the one described above-has just gotten out of the 6th grade. Next year, he'll be in the 8th. Whereas I, repeated the 3rd grade, and all through out middle school I fell back on homeschooling because I would cave in on the stress. This is why the school system is complete, utter, bullshit.rTZI've been gone all weekend, thus the lack of new posts, well here's something for you: The craters of the moon looking alot like the face of a man is a very well known fact, but did you know it's really fun looking past the man, at the other things in those giant holes in the face our nightly visitor? When my mom first pointed out the man to my brother some time ago, he saw a dragon. Only recently did I notice what he was talking about. It's kind of a deformed dragon though, with an overly large head. What was kind of odd though was I didn't see the man as I remembered him, his face was now in udder fright, instead of the friendly smile I used to see. Well what my point is, is that maybe we should ask people to say what THEY see in the moon, before bringing up any mention of the man. It'd be funner that way, no? So that's my post for the day.rT So, my friend created a thread on some forums we both frequent about blogger, hoping to find some other bloggers out there that he could talk to. Then some ass-hole decides to post his lame rant about "why blogger is crap". So, I decided to step in and send the guy a PM. *stands proudly in front of large blogger logo waving in slow motion.* "Your opinion on blogger, well, it sucks. I happen to have a blog of my own, I don't really care for people to read it, but I do try my best to make it interesting for those who might. (http://ratnest.blogspot.com/) Yes, I do eventually post a part about myself and stuff that's been going on in my life, but only when it's important or emotional or whatever. The blog is mainly so I can practice my writing skills, and maybe have a little fun and make new friends with it. You also seem to think that, if a person knows other people are reading their blog they won't be as free in what they write. That's true for some people, but most of those people really only have a blog so that maybe somebody out there will see their angsty unimportant troubles and feel amazingly sorry for them. They just want attention is all. I mean, I don't doubt for a second that alot of blogs out there suck. But, they aren't obligated to be interesting. In other words: Why are you bashing something that is not doing any harm to anyone? But what really pissed me off is how you went on and on about how all journals are uninteresting to be read by other people, and then decided to say that you hope someone would read your journal someday, because, it is actually worth reading. Online or offline, public or private, they both share their drawbacks. To be honest I wouldn't stick with a private blog/journal for more than a week. It's kind of like a personal confession booth. My brother reads my blog, and, without that, I wouldn't be as close to him as I am now. I'm an awfully shy person when it comes to talking in person, and especially discussing my problems with other people. Online, though, I lose most of that anxiety. Even more so when writing to my blog. Now, don't get me wrong when I say, "don't bash things that aren't causing any harm." You're free to not want to create an online journal yourself, but you're going a bit too far, personally bashing us bloggers. Example: "not as if that will stop any of 'u'." So, in short, I don't like you. And I really appreciate you ruining my friends thread." The thread got locked, because someone said, "Buddha". They have very dumb rule about posting anything relating to religion.rT„I read the short story, "Memento Mori" yesterday. I thought i'd share a part I really liked with everyone. " Here's the truth: People, even regular people, are never just any one person with one set of attributes. It's not that simple. We're all at the mercy of the limbic system, clouds of electricity drifting through the brain. Every man is broken into twenty-four-hour fractions, and then again within those twenty-four hours. It's a daily pantomime, one man yielding control to the next: a backstage crowded with old hacks clamoring for their turn in the spotlight. Every week, every day. The angry man hands the baton over to the sulking man, and in turn to the sex addict, the introvert, the conversationalist. Every man is a mob, a chain gang of idiots. This is the tragedy of life. Because for a few minutes of every day, every man becomes a genius. Moments of clarity, insight, whatever you want to call them. The clouds part, the planets get in a neat little line, and everything becomes obvious. I should quit smoking, maybe, or here's how I could make a fast million, or such and such is the key to eternal happiness. That's the miserable truth. For a few moments, the secrets of the universe are opened to us. Life is a cheap parlor trick. But then the genius, the savant, has to hand over the controls to the next guy down the pike, most likely the guy who just wants to eat potato chips, and insight and brilliance and salvation are all entrusted to a moron or a hedonist or a narcoleptic. " -Jonathan Nolan, in Memento Mori. I think this describes the way I felt a couple days ago perfectly. I recommend reading the entire story, urlLink [here] .rTµIt is amazing how much a person can change in a year. I was just looking at my an older blog of mine. Man, I was a very different person back then. It's frightening. I shall dub these times, the "pre-blurrpi" stages, because after I met my friend Blurrpi, I went through some radical changes. "Saturday, March 01, 2003 Welp, its that time of the day again..time to bore you with my boring uneventful day. -_- Well, on with the boring story... Ok, I woke up to find that half my room was CHARRED! THERE WAS A FIRE WHEN I WAS ASLEEP! I jumped up put on some shoes and crawled out my window onto the roof, there were still flames coming from the top of my house, so I hadto jump. It took no smaller then 3 seconds to gain the courage, adreniline is awesome. I landed in my yard and ran as far from the collapsing pile of flaming wood. From all the excitment i didn;t notice untill now that my whole area had been hit by a chemical bomb! I suddenly heard a moaning sound from behind me, startled I turned around to be confronted with a horde of flesh eating zombies! THE CHEMICAL BOMB TURNED MY NEIGHBORHOOD INTO ZOMBIES! I whipped out my trusty shotgun and pursued my way to the street out of my neighborhood shooting zombies left and right, i had 100 feet to go and I was out of ammo! There were still zombies all around me, I chucked the gun into one, but there were still many many more. I looked around for an escape as they slowly closed in on me, then right out of nowhere a T-REX COMES AND CHOMPS THEM ALL UP! I am releived for a short second untill i realize I am face to face with a tarranasauras rex!!! AAAH! I ren into the nearest home barely escaping the sharp jaws of he beast. I know I am not safe so I seek cover in the best safe spot I can find. the SMAAAASH! The roof caves in , a giant foot scrapes the tip of my nose as I jump back in fright...OK OK...thats not what happened... Here is what really happened... I woke up from a really wierd dream which i don't care to explain right now, I did some boring stuff on my computer, played an extremely fun and exciting game of DDR (DDR could never be boring) and ate a boring bowl of cereal. Then I went back up to my boring room, sat in my boring chair and did more boring stuff. Followed by a very boring game of sit and do nothing. Upon finishing i realized it was boring old lunch time, I ate a boring sandwich with boring chicken chees tomatos and mayonaise. My friend played 30 minutes of boring gamecube and went away to his boring home to see a boring movie with his friends, leaving me to be even more bored then I was. Then I did more boring stuff for a couple hours, then ate boring macaroni for dinner. Then I played more DDR and now all the boring stuff from earlier doesn't matter because DDR always makes me happy! ^_^ Well, Be seeing ya! posted by BuddytheRat at 8:07 PM" That really was what most of my days consisted of a year ago. Listening to techno, sitting around being bored, obsessing a little too much over Dance Dance Revolution. Then blurrpi came along, and everything just changed so rapidly. She changed the music I listened to, got me interested in reading, and philosophy, and knowledge. Then I became sort of an elitist, without really noticing or caring at first. She told me it's hard not to, which I agree with, but I still was mad at myself for it, and then, as blurrpi always does, she gave me some advice that completely changed my way of thinking. Blurrpi: My friend Tracy and I spend most of our time making fun of one another. She calls me an elitist bastard. Blurrpi: It's just because I have the taste I do. Blurrpi: I mean, it started as that. She'd say she's reading some silly teenage novel about some girl that wants to commit suicide, I'd make a face. Blurrpi: But after a while we just began goofing on one another. She thinks I'm an elitist, even though I don't think I'm that snobby about it, simply because of my taste. I accept that she views me as an elitist bastard, she accepts that I view her as liking trivial crap. Blurrpi: No matter what if you say you like Adaptation people will call you a pretentious elitist. Blurrpi: You can't avoid it. Blurrpi: Heh. All you can do is have the people that you care about/care about you understand your taste, and you understand theirs, and live comfortably without hoping to change one another. If you try to change other people because of your choices, then we have a problem. Blurrpi: But if you simply discuss and enjoy and such, don't worry. What she said made perfect sense, but it didn't quite stick untill now, after i've read through my old blog. I was so nice to people back then. Now i'm a pretentious bastard. Realising you've made a mistake can be kind of nerve racking, but learning to correct that mistake is one of the most gratifying feelings in the world. Here are some other entertaining things I found in my old blog, that i'm just showing for the hell of it: Amazingly, the link still works. " Monday, March 10, 2003 Hey again! My new DDR pad came in today! =D Its awesome! It doesn't slide around AT ALL! =D Also, i have been toyin around with my new stop motion hobbie, check out this little short i made of two lego people having a western style duel ^_^ urlLink [Click] Well thats all for now. Cya posted by BuddytheRat at 10:21 PM " Aw. " Wednesdays suck. Especially for me. I can't really think of anything to talk about. My mind is dead right now. I don't really know why I work so hard on this blog, nobody reads it. Maybe i'll advertise it in some forums. ya...i'll do that. *sigh* I swear I am going to go insane. I can't take this any longer. Sitting here at my computer all day is driving me nuts. I need to go to school with other ppl. For all you kids that think I am lucky to be homeschooled, think again. Homeschool is the suckiest thing in the world. I'm gonna finish pixelating the portrait of kidd for my game...i'll see ya later today.. =| Buh Bye... (notice the smiley at the end always showing my mood?) posted by BuddytheRat at 5:48 PM "r T I stay up all night long so I can catch my mom when she wakes up, so she can give me some help on what to choose. (She has three other sons that have gone through highschool, so I was pretty sure she'd know what to do.) She just tells me to leave it blank. Now I have to stay up the rest of the day. Bleh. I'll try to post often, to keep myself busy. But i'll probably be too drained to do anything at all pretty soon. Meh. I'm sure you've had enough of these personal greif tales, so i'll keep them to myself for awhile.r T`So, my mom hasto turn in the enrollment forms for highschool today. I hafto choose electives, and it is a really, really hard choice. I get to choose 4 different things. 2 electives, and 2 more electives that each take only a single semester to complete, or, I can choose 3 normal length electives. I already know I want Art 1 and Newspaper. The third one is where I'm having trouble. I'm KIND of sure I want to choose French. But, even if I finally decide, I then have to choose 4 more electives as back-ups incase schedule problems make it impossible for me to be in a class I chose. Gah. I have no idea.r UÉurlLink Read this news article. Forget everything I said about evolution having halted. I am now completely convinced that it is well on it's way. Hehe, sorry. I'm in a cynical mood all of a sudden.r T(They really are. So many people get offended by a synonym for poo, it's madness. What really makes me chuckle, though, is when people incorporate "jesus christ" or "god" in their cursing. Am I wrong for finding that funny? It reminds me of kids in a schoolyard, making up ryhmes to chant at some poor kid with a big nose, and how upset he'll get. I don't curse in the company of people whom might be offended though, and I never find it funny when used to blatantly put someone down. Just thought i'd lighten the mood with something not so.. boring.r TœYou'll have to excuse that last post, I was had a sudden wave of emotions. Near the end of writing the post I began frantically complaining to my friend. Taking all my emotions out of storage, giving them one last look, and then throwing them away. [Silly metaphorical version that probably gives you the wrong idea] The feelings came and left so swiftly. I felt empty afterwards. Just minutes before I was so full of energy and passion, as I poured my guts out onto my unsuspecting friend, and then, with no more guts to keep me alive I sit there motionless, without the energy to scrape them back into my stomach. I wanted them back in now, they made me feel aliv [More straight forward version] The feelings came and left so swiftly. I had no control over it, it just happened. I can't control my emotions, my emotions control me. Right now, I'm not sad about it. When I think back about it, it makes me kind of happy. I'm glad it happened. But at the time I hated everything with a burning passion. It's really really strange. I wrote two versions, 'cause I was in the mood for some metaphorical writing. I need to practice, don't I? At the present moment I suck at it.rT— I just got back from seeing Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban with my mom and Brothers #1 and #2. I'm kind of pissed at myself, because I didn't pay the slightest bit of attention to what was going on. I don't know why I was so out of it. Thinking back it was all a haze, except the big finale of the movie, which I didn't understand because of my lack of attention at the beginning. Gah, so pissed. So, after watching who knows what, and walking out of the theatre, Brother #1 decided he wanted to take the long route through the mall so he could have some ice cream, from a place he claims makes the best ice cream ever. It tasted like any other ice cream i've ever had, except that it was expensive as hell. Before it was even handed to me it was already sort of melting. "Too much cream and not enough ice." I thought. I couldn't eat faster than it could melt, so by the time I was int he car it was all over my hand. I put it in a cup and gave it to brother #2. I wanted to say to Brother #1, "Brother #1, your taste in ice cream is alot like your taste in movies." but at the last second I changed it to, "Your taste in ice cream sucks." I'm not sure why I made the last second change. Maybe because brother #2 was there? Ever since I made that post about "The Day After Tomorrow" i've wanted to erase it. I sound like an ass in that post, bashing my mom and my brother, calling them shallow. Ever since I've started reading and watching more intelligent movies, i've been so proud of myself. I try way too hard to look smarter then everyone. I'm starting to hate it now. I don't want to be cruel, or, atleast I don't want to be thought of as cruel. But, i've been doing exactly what I hate. I have this friend. She is the one who got me to start reading and watching the movies that I watch nowadays. She also got me interested in philosophy, and helped me to appreciate learning, etc. Ugh, this is hard to write down, but I hafto continue. Ok, so, this friend of mine is extremely smart. I admire her. Maybe a bit too much. Now, normally, i'd be admiring any other random girl. I'd fall in love with any girl i'd meet. Now, everyone else pales in comparison. I don't know why I'm mentioning her, actually. I'm not mad at her or anything, or, maybe I am? I just don't know. I'm mad at myself for being an elitist asshole, that I know for sure. I.. don't really have anything else to say. Good to get some things off my chest I s'pose.rTóI suppose all of you would like to be updated on my Area 51 game. Well, i've still got some planning to do, but me and my co-artist guy have made some tiles and put them together to form a mock-up shot of what the game is going to look like. We have two objects here, a crate and a barrel. The crate is pushed in 4 directions, up, down, left, and right. The barrel is only pushed in two directions, and when pushed it will roll untill something stops it. Also, when pushed into water, the barrel will float and create a platform for crossing. That's about all we have. Exciting, eh? I'm pretty much brain dead on any other possible puzzle elements. I'm still trying to decide how buttons will work, and lots of other stuff. So, i'll keep you updated.rTLet's talk about brother#2. The one reading my blog. He's not as bad as brother#1, but he's pretty bad. He used to share all the anime DVD's he got from netflix with me, untill I told him I didn't like one of the shows that he liked. He completely disbanded my anime supply. I wouldn't spend the time to watch something because I didn't like the few first episodes, and he told me that I should give things more of a chance or something, and then *poof*, no more anime for me. Brother#2 is still cool though, unlike brother#1 whom is the opposite of cool, maybe i'll talk about him later, most likely at a time when he's done something to piss me off (which is rather often). I still think I worry about what people think of me. Of course I do, that's a natural feeling. I don't think there is anything wrong with that feeling though. If I don't show my ignorance, nobody will smack me on the head and tell me i'm being ignorant, and thus, I will stay ignorant. So, thanks brother#2. You've always been there to hit me on the head when I needed it.rT?I hate prejudice. Yet I still can't help but feel it about people. It's a natural human trait to want to feel better then other people, isn't it? Life is so ironic, sometimes it's funny, no matter how horrible it is, but depending on your mode of thought, either you're laughing at it, or it's laughing at you. That's funny, and sad. I'm just getting thoughts off my brain. I guess I'm being more free in what I write, even if I know my brother is reading it. I'm sick of worrying about what other people think of my blog, so i'm going to stop worrying, and start writing.rTI really should. And, if that's not possible, I should atleast keep them to myself. I recently discovered that one of my brothers is reading my blog, I did give him the link and everything, but that was a long time ago when I wasn't making a fool of myself with all these latest posts. Bah. I should just change the URL, but a part of me wants him to read it. I still stand by most of what I said in my last post, there are just a few sentences in there that I want to remove. Actually, maybe I don't. Whatever.rTúI've wanted to write about evolution for awhile, so here I go. Evolution's struggle, is when humanity and evolution begin to grind into eachother, slowing eachother down. As we evolve from apes, to cavemen, to the humans we are now, we suddenly reach a grinding halt. When you try to imagine a human race much more evolved then now, a perfect race, it scares you. Everything would be equal, everything would be flat, and boring. But, we wouldn't feel boredom. We wouldn't feel anything at all. Emotions are worthless. But we love them, and can't possibly imagine being without them. Thus the grinding between evolution and tradition. Irony in it's purest form. We love to love, yet love holds us back. Is evolution continually slowing down? Will it reach the climax of it's grinding and then suddenly sky rocket? I have no fuckin' idea. I don't know much about the topic. I am glad for the people of the future. They will cherish the flat equality of their world as we cherish the chaotic waves of our own. I'm not going to talk about the topic anymore, because I really have no clue what in the hell i'm talking about. It sure is fun to think about though. You know, I am starting to think that thinking, all by itself, makes a person smarter. I remember hearing that einstien used to sit in a chair for hours, staring at a wall, just thinking. Not letting other people's thoughts disturb him. (TV is a good example of that.) The mind, filled constantly with it's surroundings, never having time to actually think and act on it's own. The brain, by itself, is the key to everything. A friend of mine and I always have this argument about escapeism. I'm into lucid dreaming, dreaming consciously. Not day dreaming, but taking control of you're actual nightly dreams. (If you don't beleive me, look at www.ld4all.com) Slowly I am starting to agree with her. It's weird, but no matter how much I disagree with her, it always seems to creep it's way into my mind and change me. I don't even know if it's a concious or subconsious happening, but it happens. We're ALWAYS thinking, constantly. Sometimes it happens without us even acknowledging it. It's crazy, but our minds know the answers, and if we hear the truth, we automatically accept it. Not right away, but after awhile, we realise, because it's the truth, and our minds know it. I didn't read this, I just thought it up. I'm not bragging, i'm just backing up the fact that our minds know everything. Or maybe they don't? I don't know. Or do I? I don't care. Do we have a limit? Can I think so much that I can't think anymore? I'll just hafto keep thinking to find out. But will I never find out? I'll probably die before than. Maybe all the brilliant people in the world just thought more often then others? I mean, we think all the time, but, like I said, mostly we are thinking the thoughts orbiting around us, filling our minds. Visual thoughts, auditory thoughts, and so so much more. I wonder how cleary a person could think in complete darkness, with medicine to completely numb all feeling in their body? Would their thoughts just skyrocket? I want to try that. I really, seriously, want to try that. My own little experiment with thought. God, I just don't want to stop typing, I don't want to stop thinking now. I'm trapped in the glory of thinking and learning without any external sources. But am I really learning? Like I said I don't know. Or do I? Wait, we've done this already. Is that the stopping point of my thought train? Is that where I can't think anymore? I mean, I can go back and take other tracks, but when I reach that one point I also end up asking questions, instead of stating what might be facts. I wish I could break that wall. Could I? I don't know. How many side tracks can I take untill I run out and have nothing else but the wall? Is it infinite? Is it not? I just.. don't know. Maybe I need complete peace to find it out. My completely numb, non-visual, non-auditory, thinking mode. I'd even request that I be blindfolded, then carried to a place i've never been to, so I can't even imagine where I might be. I'd still imagine other places though, wouldn't I? It's impossible to think completely clearly, or is it? I don't think it is. I don't beleive in the impossible. I can damn well try though, can't I? I fucking will try. It's neat how everything links up. If I think of one thing long enough, I'll could end up anywhere else. A crazy web of connections. Is there anything at all that isn't connected to anything else? Becuase of that, is it impossible to reach? Maybe it is connected, it's just blocked, by the wall I talked about. I'm just rambling now, but, I have been rambling this whole post. If I don't stop seen nobody will take the time to read this. I don't care if they do. They could always think of it themselves. They have the ability to do that. (Or do they?) I know why I started to hate my post about "The Day After Tomorrow". I was being prejudice to people just like me. It's not their fault. Nothing is anybody's fault. Blame is a horrible word. A horrible horrible word. You know, now that i'm in this thinking mode of everyone being equal, i'm starting to think maybe we ARE in that flat land of the future. But maybe not. I don't know. Maybe I do need other people's thoughts to help me along. Maybe I need to stack a shitload of books next to the wall, so I can climb upward, and once I reach the top of the wall, I'll be high enough to jump to the strange unconnected, hidden land of thoughts. I won't be able to get back though, or will I? Will I take everything from the other side of the wall with me and connect it myself? I sure love metaphors. Maybe I use them too much? I don't know. I hafto stop. I will stop now, so you can read this. I don't hafto type everything I think. I can think after I stop typing. So NYAH! The end..rU‘I've been worrying about that post about "The Day After Tomorrow" ever since I posted it. I really sound like an ass in that post. I'm sorry. :|rTurlLink Travis and I were digging around in my brother's old room the other day. We found alot of great things, such as my old urlLink SNES Mouse . The little mouse that takes the place of the controller, and is used in certain games, such as urlLink Mario Paint . I also found, as the title implies, a book. Catch-22 . A friend told me a little about this book, she said it was pretty good, so I kept it and started reading it. Upon opening the book I was very surprised to see my mother's name, with the last name she had before she married my dad, drawn on the inside of the front cover in half bubble, half normal lines, like a middle or highschooler might have done. She obviously read this book a very long time ago, I'd guess sometime in highschool. Than I reach page four, and find some underlined text. That's pretty normal. But on the opposite page, page 5, to the right of all the text is the word, " urlLink *M*A*S*H* " written vertically along the edge of the page, for no apperant reason. Two more pages later it re-appears. In the same place on the page as last time. But to the right of it, also vertically, it says, "-again-". A little later, I noticed on the front of the book, where the numbers "22" are printed in rather large stylistic letters, a small imprint, left by a pen or something, lining the inside of the numbers. I found this to be very funny. Not merely because of what is written, but because it was written by my mom when she was a kid. Intresting to think if she intended for the future holder of the book to see the notes or not. I wonder how she would react if I showed it to her. (I tried an interesting new way of posting, by linking images or articles about various things I mention in each post. It's a little more work, but it makes it more interesting.)rTI've gotten pretty sick of sharing my constant angsty problems, and at the moment cannot think of anything else to talk about. But, I must persist. I think I will stick to my goal of keeping it interesting for my readers. ..nothing interesting comes to mind.rUÃMe and some friends started a group blog. We plan on making a ton of collaborated stories there. http://alphasoup.blogspot.com/ Check it out. And if you're upto it, ask us to make you a member.rT&This is my personal confession booth. My way of communicating to the world. Hopefully my brother still reads this. I intended for that last post to be read by him. I know I can't teach my mom to be more disciplinary, but he certainly can. I don't know what exactly it is about the internet, but for me it's a world with no anxiety. Without it my life wouldn't be much of a life at all. I wonder how many brilliant people went unnoticed because they were unable to share their ideas to the world without any fear? So, I just thought I'd share that.rTEI've had/have alot of hobbies. But, i've never stuck with any of the hobbies that require any hard work, nor have I produced anything out of them. So now i'm just walking around aimlessly, complaining about it in my head, when I could be doing something about it. I tell myself I can't do anything about it. I'm lazy and I'm going to stay that way. But I think if someone just tried to nudge me along and force me to do things I don't normally do, I'd learn to do them. My mom never disciplines me. I hate her for that. My room is extremely untidy. My mom only tells me to clean it. But, I tell myself that everyday. I don't listen to her or myself. Although, I imagine if she did try to force me i'd be a brat about it. It's not something i'm used to, and I guess I just can't deal with it. But, if she were persistent it'd work. I know it would work. It's kind of odd, that I know well enough that I need discipline, but I can't carry out any of that discipline on my own. I'm positive you're sick of all these self pity posts by now. Well to hell with you. Go read someone elses blog.rT So, I had another interesting idea for a game. With lack of anything else to post, I will tell you about it. Ok, so it's a turn based strategy game, but also a puzzle game. Final Fantasy Tactics meets Tetris. How? Well, i'm still working on that, but my general idea is that you and your enemies troops each take on different colors, and grouped colors die together. .. Like I said, i'm still working it out. It's been harder to think of things to post lately. Oh well. I made a sister-blog to alphabet soup. You can find it urlLink here .rT-[Warning: The following post contains spoilers to both Spiderman 2 and the book 1984.] Just got back from seeing Spiderman 2. I enjoyed it. And now I shall discuss it... with.. myself. In the movie, Peter loses his powers, because he distanced himself from Mary Jane, and is on the verge of losing her completely. Later in the movie, Mary Jane is captured, and he miraculously gets his powers back. This doesn't bother me in the least. Superhero movies call for superhero logic. Just like the last movie, the end, and the basic moral of the story I liked the most. Here we have Spiderman, fighting crime, helping the City. Here we have Peter, late for class, exhausted, losing Mary because of his web-slinging counter-part. So he quits. (Half because of his loss of powers, half because he wants what is best for Peter. He wants what is best for himself, instead of the city.) This reminds me of the end of 1984, which I finished reading recently, where Winston gives into the Party, and lets them control his mind because he stopped caring about Julia, and had nobody to love but himself. And then, the best line of the whole movie, when Mary leaves the guy she was going to marry, on the wedding day, returns to Peter's apartment, knowing that by doing this, she is putting her very life in danger, and says, "You rescue people everyday. Now it's someone elses turn to rescue you." or something along those lines. Judging by the end, a 3rd intallment is definitly going to be made. So i'm looking forward to that. So hoorah for Spiderman, and hoorah for superhero logic!rT% I have some very random memories from a long long time ago, that I distinctly remember for no reason. The first one that came to mind just now was sitting in Mrs. Perry's class in the 1st grade. I made a little drawing of my head, with two stick hands tearing out the hair, and above it I wrote, "I hate school!". Why I hated school, I do not know. I turned to the kid on my right, and showed him the little drawing. He looked very upset, and proceeded to show the teacher what I had done, and she was angry. Another memory from the same grade. I was out on the playground, going forward and backward and forward and backward on one of those animal things on the big spring. I think this time it was a duck. I obviously had other things on my mind because everybody else had already gone back to class, and I didn't notice a thing. They sent someone out to get me after awhile. I also distinctly remember playing by myself alot. Not all the time, just sometimes, and I would go to this cage of bars type thing, and pretend it was sometype of arena, and lizard people with swords would fight me, and I would kick their asses, and then escape. I did that alot. And then, this one time, a kid came up to me, and asked if he could play too. I couldn't imagine how it would work with more people then me, and, not to my surprise, it didn't work at all. Another memory. The school was in my neighborhood, in easy walking distance from my house, so I walked home every day. Once I couldn't see the school anymore I would start running, scared to death, because I always thought someone was going to chase me and grab me. I was very paranoid. So, later on in the middle of the school year I switched schools, for reasons I don't remember. I remember my first day there, and I was rather upset from the change. When all the other kids walked in I distinctly remember making fun of each of them in my mind, deciding right then and there that I would never be friends with them. And this one time, on St. Patrick's day. While we went away for lunch or something like that, the principle and some other people took the time to create flour foot prints into our class, carefully turn all the desks on their sides, and upside down, and all disorganised, and left footprints leading out and down the hall. When we returned one of the girls in my class began to cry, because leprechauns had vandalised our beautiful classroom. So we followed the footprints, wearing our trusty green shaded leprechaun vision goggles, and found the little bastard in the office. A stuffed leprechaun doll. We then took him back to the class and stuck him in our pre-made tissue box leprechaun traps, to starve and rot and suffer in his guilt. *cough* Not exactly the most pleasant memories. But they are fun to look back on. I was a weird little kid. I'm still a weird little kid.rTªI made some art! (omg!) Yes. I don't normally do something like that, but lately i've been alot more confident in what I draw, despite it's crappyness. I think it's because I friend demanded that I show him my art, and after awhile of him barking at me and me cowering, I gave in, and actually realised that not everything I create is horrible. Bragging is healthy. Ok, so anyways, the fromamouth.com 4UM's have a weekly art thing, just like eatpoo does, but with the Fromamouth.com 4UM, I don't hafto worry about being driven away by all the proffesional artist types. It's alot more free n' such, and doesn't focus entirely on keeping a proffesional community. Anyways , here's my entry. The activity was, "Draw yourself as a monster/animal." and I took the obvious choice. Ta-da! And yes, i'm aware of the uncanny resemblance to a certain annoying platformer character.. I honestly didn't notice it myself untill I finished.rUMurlLink Read this Comic. Comic stolen from urlLink WhiteNinjaComics.Com .rU¡Not alot that I can say, other then WATCH IT! Watch it watch it watch it! Although, you will probably end up a bit depressed after seeing it, watch it anyways.r TãDevon used to be a fairly athletic guy, always running around, doing sports. He wasn't the best, but, he definitely wasn't the worst. But in time, he matured and became somewhat of a nerd. He was always on his computer, his brother gave it to him once he moved out and got a better one, so it wasn't a great computer. His friends, few friends, described it as 'ancient.' His life wasn't all that boring until one day...so he thought. Devon was at his little computer, typing away for a research project for his college history class. He was writing a 10 page essay over the Revolutionary War. It was due tomorrow and he was only on the 7th page. To make matters worse, he was really stressing out and when he looked at the clock it read: 2:16 AM. "Crap, why did I wait so long to do this! Prof. Neits assigned it a week ago, and I blew it off until three days before." He sighed. He finished the sentence he was typing and leaned back in his comfy chair, his only escape from the major pressure, with his arms behind his head. The screen flashed black then a greenish blue screen popped up. "Oh my God! What happened to my report!!" he screamed as he slapped the computer hoping it might help. It flashed white then blue again and typed out the message: "m-th-r k-dn-pp-d. -ddr-ss = time, r-ck p-th." "What is that supposed to mean? It's in some sort of code, or something...Wait a minute, there aren't any vowels! Except in time. I wonder why.." Devon questioned. "Hmm...maybe the dashes took place of certain vowels?? M-_-T-H-_-R..Hmmm, M-A, nah. M-E? nope...M-I!...no..M-O! M-O-T-H-E-R...Mother?! What about her!!" He screamed, as if it were a living person. Devon spent hours, it seemed, trying to crack the rest of the message. So far he had Mother kidnapped. Address = time rock path. He still was unsure what the time was for. Eventually, the remembered it was 2:16 when this message came up. "216 Rock Path? That's not an address anywhere near here." wondered Devon. "What addresses do I know of that have a 216 in their address.." After about 10 minutes of thinking, he finally had it. "216 Rock Path stands for 216 Stoney Road! It's only a few blocks from here!" he shouted "But why would my mom be at the library? Oh well, I better go look for her." For some unknown reason, he got up, tossed his bag over his shoulder, and headed out the door. "What the-!" exclaimed Devon as he peered around outside. It was daylight. "How is this possible?! My computer said 2:16!" He decided it didn't matter seeing as he had to get to his mother's aid. Then, he realized that his mom was here, in New York. When she lived in Kansas. "Wait a minute. How can she be here?" asked Devon, as if there was some all-knowing guru right next to him. "No time though, I must get to her." He trekked on and eventually reached the library. It seemed to be standing unusually taller than normal but he ignored it. "216 Stoney Road. This is it" he said. As he walked into the library. There was a spiral staircase. He walked up to it, looked upwards, only to see it going up very high. Too high He saw the ceiling and figured his mother might be there seeing as she wasn't on the first floor. He started hiking up the staircase getting nearer to the ceiling, and to his mom. He was looking up the whole time but, when he looked down, he appeared to be on the third step still. This threw his equilibruim off and he stumbled. But, the ceiling wasn't any further away than when it was a second ago. He got up and started up the stairs once again. After hours, it seemed, he finally go to the top. He peered over the edge of the floor and saw his mother tied to a chair at the end of a hallway of bookcases. He hurried up the rest of the way and dashed to his mother. As he neared her, her heard her screaming something. "G-- -p!!! W-k- u- D---n!!" she screamed. Slowly, the message became clear. She was screaming 'Get up! Wake up Devon!' Devon, realizing he was in a dream, he suddenly awoke to find himself in his room. But, it wasn't his room as it had been in the dream. Not his sheetless bed, cluttered desk and shelves. But, it was his twin bed, with dinosaur sheets and pillow, his rug with a street and town imprinted on it. The rug had toys scattered everywhere on it. "Devon! Get up! It's time for school!!"r!T"LANCE! WAKE UP! NOW!!" A large man with a deep voice was banging on the door to Lance's bedroom. It was six o'clock in the morning, and Lance rolled over with a sigh. He opened his eyes to look at his clock. "Ugh, I hate this... especially on a Monday..." he shut his eyes and went back to sleep. Twenty minutes later Lance's father came into the room, dressed for work in a black business suit and a tie. "Lance," he started "It looks like I'll have to get you out of bed again." he walked over to the side of the bed and pulled back Lance's warm covers. Lance's legs shot up to his chest the moment the cold morning air touched him; he shivered a little. His dad then lifted the matress off on one side, sending Lance rolling over onto the floor with a thud. "DAD! I told you not to do that anymore!" he said, shooting up. His dad replied with a small devlish smile on his face, "maybe next time I should pour cold water on your head instead?" Lance shouted back "NO! Come on dad, I'm never late for school." "Only because I get you up." his dad replied. Two minutes later they left the house, Lance was chewing on a cereal bar and trying to flatten his messy brown hair which he had no time to comb. "Got everything?" his dad asked. "Yeah, everything except a good night's sleep." Lance said with a small yawn. He saw his dad get into his car and drive off to work. Lance lived in a small community just outside of the city, so his house just across the street from school. In Twenty minutes the first period bell rang. Lance was practially falling asleep, he stayed up too late doing homework, only because he chatted over AIM too long. His dad didn't get home until very late, so it's not like his dad would really care on the way home from work. First period was Geometry, and he wondered why this class had to be first period of the day. "Class." a blonde haired teacher addresed the class, "pull out your homework. Problems 1-65 please." Lance's heart sank... he didn't do his homework! "Oh, what am I going to tell hi-" he stopped mid-thought, walking across the room, her blonde hair flowing in the air behind her, was Alexa. She walked past the window which overlooked the flowers in front of the school, her glowing blue eyes flashed in Lance's direction, and for a moment, both eyes met, and the- "Looking at the beauty of God's work, Lance?" the teacher asked. "Uh, y-y-yes, sir. I mean, no sir, I mean-" Lance replied, wondered if the teacher saw him looking at Alexa. The teacher replied sarcastically "I know how beautiful the flowers in the garden are, but please try and pay attention. Now, you're homework?" The last bell rang, and Lance picked up his bag and headed for his locker. Behind him walked Alexa and some of her friends. He wondered if he'd ever get to make a move, she was always hanging around with her friends, and it's not like he could just pull up in some nice expensive car and drive away alone with her, impressing both Alexa and her friends. He headed outside, going home, but stopped at a tree to think. After banging his head against the tree several times, he saw Alexa come out for tennis practice. Several rounds went by, when all of a sudden a voice popped up from behind Lance. "Painful, isn't it. You're whole world standing just beyond that fence, just out of reach." Lance seemed not to notice too much "it's only a fence..." he replied back. The guy behind him answered that, "a very big fence, can't have stray tennis balls flying out... or flying in for that matter." "No.. we wouldn't want tha- HEY!" Lance jumped back. Standing behind him was a shrimpy kid with red hair and brown eyes, he was obviously a freshman. "What are you sneaking up on people for?" After several minutes of talking, Lance really only found out the guys name was Mike, and he skipped all of middle school because of his intelligence, but knew how he could help Lance get Alexa. "Um, but if you skipped all of middle school... wouldn't that mean, you know... you're a nerd? And uh, incapeable of getting a date?" Mike looked stunned, "well, if you don't want my help, you're doing a greeeeaaat job already with getting your date. So I'll be out of your way." as Mike walked away, Lance realized how good off he WASN'T in getting Alexa. The next day after school, Lance was in his position. Mike had reset the electronic message board in front of the school to read "ALEXA, I LOVE YOU", and then Mike would set off some fireworks or something. Lance could care less about fireworks, he just wanted the message to be seen. Alexa would soon come out from tennis practice, but one of the last ones to leave so all of her friends wouldn't be there. He waited, and waited, and waited. Until at last, after what seemed like an hour (but was really only five minutes) Lance got up the courage to go find her himself. He walked around the corner, only to see Alexa making out with some other guy! How could this happen?! Lance quickly tured around and headed home. Moments later he heard the fireworks go off, so he suspected that Mike sent them off, and also wondered if he turned on the sign. If Mike DID turn on the sign, it was probably in the other guy's favor. He gave a big sigh as he fell backwards onto his bead. "Oh well, life moves on I guess." he said to himself. "but I really did like her..."r"T÷The contributors to "Pirate's Gold" have all agreed that the current story, "Pirate's Gold" has gotten to the point where nobody wants to continue it. Our next activity should be better. Each member will be asked to write a short story. Each story will only have one author, and will start and end in the same post. The due date is June 25, next Friday. Participating in this activity is optional.. but if you care at all for making this blog succeed than I suggest you participate. *ahem* So, Begin!r#Tì"Dimitri! Wake up!" yelled Drew, one of Dimitri's crew buddies. "Huh? Aaaaaah!" screamed Dimitri, still thinking he was falling toward the deep turquoise waters of the ocean. "Whoah buddy, calm down, you are safe inside the ship on a nice cot now, don't worry" reassured Winters. "Ouch! Ughh...what h-happened? Where am i-I?" mumbled Dimitri as he flinched the moment he felt a shock of pain run through his battered leg. "You were hanging on the anchor after being hit by that cannon ball. You fainted, but, you still hung on. You saved my life." said Winters. Dimitri noticed the faintest trace of sympathy within his gaze. "Thank you. And, thank God we managed to get you up. Drew here had to go down there with a rope around his waist. He carried you up to safety!" "Heh, th-thanks Drew. But, d-did we win the battle?" said Dimitri, shivering from loss of blood. "Yes we did. It was a close one though. They got us pretty badly. I have some of the crew working on those dents below deck. It's a good thing we built her sturdy!" chuckled Winters. As Dimitri looked around the room from the soft cot they had lain him on, he saw Drew, Winters and a few other crew mates he sometimes talked to including Jake, Gavin, and Hector. He started to smile, knowing that all these people were here because they cared for him, just as everything started spinning and became fuzzy, he blacked out yet again. His peaceful sleep was broken by another dream. It started just as the other one ended. It was a trap...r$T­Dimitri hung from the anchor hole as best he could, the shock still held him in its numbing grip. He could see Cptn. Winters yelling, but the noise was shier void, as if audio has seized. Dimitri held fast for a time into the battle, but has only the strength of a man, and finally his grip faltered, and he plunged into the turquoise water. The following few minutes were a total blur of blue and white foam, but by a godsend chance, he ended up on a plank, 100 or more yards out, it was all he could do to hold to the board as he drifted farther, and again, passed into darkness... Again awaken, this time, to the lumbering shadow of a Royal Battle Ship. Then he noticed a life raft headed in his direction, with fully armored gaurdsmen ready to escourt him to the abyss. He made a feble attempt to flee, but it was only an aimless paddle outward, and he soon stood before the Admiral of the Royal Navy Fleet. It was a trap...r%TSHis happy thought was soon interrupted by a loud *CRACK*. Across the room, there was a large, splintered dent in the hull of the ship. He jumped, dropping Wesley to the floor. Wesley hurriedly scurried off to his same little cove in the flour, but, Dimitri had nowhere to go. "We are surrounded!" said a crew member, shortly followed my another loud crack directly behind Dimitri. He was thrown forward by the sheer force of the blow to the hull. Dimitri decided to run up on deck to see what the heck was happening. When he saw Winters standing there, calm and fierce, at the same time, he too was clam for a second. A very short second. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a huge steel ball flying through the air straight for the captain's back. "CAPTAIN! WATCH OUT!" scream Dimitri as he dove to protect the captain. The ball thankfully misses Winters, but, Dimitri wasn't so lucky. The cannon ball had bashed his right leg from the knee down to no return. It's force carried Dimitri, away from the captain toward the edge of the deck. He fell down the side of the ship. The captain was sure, he would never see that young, intellegent Dimitri again. He slowly walked to the edge of the ship to see the fate of his young hero. Everything around him seemed to go in slow motion as he peered over the edge to see young Dimitri hanging from the anchor hole.r&Tn He walked carefully accross the slightly flour covered floor, taking special care of where he placed each foot. Upon reaching the wall he slid down onto the floor, his knees bent into his stomach. He surveyed the floor around him, looking for something. His face lit up at the sight of his partner. A large fat, grey haired rat, was laying, almost squished, between two bags of flour. Dimitri greeted his furry companion, and gave him a little scratch on the nose. "Hello there, Wesley." The rat instantly began grinding it's teeth, making the clicking noise all rats make when overjoyed. Dimitri reached into his vest pocket, and pulled out a shimmering gold coin. The rat's eyes burst with joy at the sight of it. It began scraping away at the floor with it's paws, slowly, but surely pulling itself out of it's little cave. (How it got in there in the first place, is another mystery of the universe.) Then, like a bullet out of a rifle, Wesley the Rat came rocketing out of his hole. His head slammed into Dimitri's outstreched hand, and bounced back. Taking a second to regain his thoughts, he than grabbed the coin in his paws, gave it a snif, and than a bite. He looked up once more at Dimitri's face, to show his gratification, and scampered off, down a hole in the floor. Wesley returned from his home in the floor, skipping greetings and immediatley searching Dimitri's hands for another shiny prize. Dimitri handed about 20 coins to the large greedy rat, untill he came back to an empty hand. Dimitri patted him on the head, and scratched him behind the ears, and said, "Don't worry Wes, I'll bring you more another day." Dimitri had been practicing this ritual for quite awhile now. He's probably stored atleast 300 coins down there. Dimitri smiled to himself. He picked up Wesley and cradled him in his arms, tickling his white belly. From above, a loud commotion broke out. Dimitri sat nervously, petting the rat to sooth his fear. He'd been through this many times, but it always worried him. The panic in his mind has calmed down a little since his first time in an attack, but never completely. To erase the fear completely would be to erase the human in him, it is impossible. The yelling got louder, Dimitri became more uneasy. He imagined the fight taking place above him. He saw the enemy ship, 4 times as large as his own. He saw a cannonball lodge itself in the side of the ship, and the entire room filling with water. He then saw Captian Winters, fighting to his very last breath, and suddenly, remarkably, most of his worry was soothed. He pictured him and Winters, fighting together, side by side. He smiled to himself again, and waited.r'TÒAfter seeing the captain's steady gaze, he calmly went back to his room to read. He was reading a very good book. It was an action scene, much like the one he was experiencing at this very moment. The only variation was that it wasn't between two pirate vessels. It was between two small countries a ways south and east of where they were. It was a fiction book so, it never really happened. But, it was really interesting. So interesting, he didn't even notice the captain standing in the doorway, giving him that same, comforting, yet forceful green stare. "We are approaching the enemy ship." explained Winters. "We are just out of firing range so I need you to take cover below deck, on the starboard side." "Yes sir." said Dimitri as he snapped his book shut and stood up straight. The captain then turned on his heel, and walked, almost marching, down below deck with Dimitri following. Once below the upper deck, Dimitri once again saw this familiar place. Barrels of ale, bags of curry and flower. There was a different arrangement in the corner with some flower bags. One could tell that Dimitri has been here before and these small battles are no new thing. Little did he know, this was not any ordinary 'small battle.'r(TåIt still amazed Dimitri how organized the crew was. Drunken fools only hours before, they now worked with an ease and grace like no other. Another mystery of the universe, thought Dimitri. Perhaps though, it wasn't all that much of a mystery at all. Dimitri glanced at the captian, and they caught eachothers eyes, and for a split second, Dimitri knew exactly why the Pirates worked so well. The sharp green eyes smiled at Dimitri, and seemed to tell him, "Everything will be alright."r)T2"Sir! You must awaken! The pirateship Sailbeam has been spotted only half a mile out!" Fumbiling about for his trousers and coat, the news is delivered quickly. "The Captain requests your prescence on the bridge, sir!" Out of the cabin, it was utter pandamonium, men hurried for their cloths and ran to their battle stations, some half nude. Once on the bridge, he realized that only half the officers were in uniform. "How long till were in range?" asked Captain Winters. "Twenty minuets, if the winds hold", said the navigator "What are we up against?", the Captain asked "Armorment unknown," said the weapons specalist," but our range isn't enough to strike first" Dimitri sighed, this was the kind of thing right out of the text book, but he still worried. Would this day end for him at the bottom of the sea?r*U§As owner and operator of The Mental Motel, I'll do my best to add my part to the tales of now. (stop by http://thementalmotel.blogspot.com/, our rates are competitive)r+TÅIn the warm lamplight Dimitri fumbled dizzily around the swaying, creaking, snoring room. Dimly lit all around him were the faces and beards of stinky old men, half asleep, half unconcious. The smell of ale wafted steadily in front of Dimitri's nose, poisoning his every breath. He carefully made his way through a maze of bodies, trying hard not to step on anyone, and then halted in the corner, shining his lamp on a large chest nested next to the wall, bolted to the floor. He exhales, sending dust in swirling patterns in front of his eyes. His attention is temporarily lost in the swirling patterns of light rays through dust. Quickly he snaps back into reality, and reaches into his pocket. His hand emerges from the pocket of his sleeveless white vest, revealing a rather large, rusty key. Hey presses the key into it's rightful hole on the chest, and turns it. Quickly but carefully he opens the large metal framed lid of the chest, and the light from his lamp is reflected back at him, from thousands of golden coins. Hastily, he shuffles a couple handfuls of coins into a small bag, closes the lid, locks the chest, and creeps back through the maze of smelly old men. He climbs up a ladder, breathes a sigh of releif, and retreats to his cabin. The creaking of the ship continues steadily as Dimitri lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling of his private room. He closes his eyes and has a short moment of peace. Sadly to be soon interupted by tomorrow's duties.r,TpHi, my name is Travis and my other blog is urlLink here. I hope that this group story blog will turn out well and I will do my best to contribute. I am not much of a writer. But, I think it will be fun to practice writing, especially for school. I want to develop my writing skills, not because I want to be a writer, but, because they need developing. :) -Travis-r-TÿAnd with his mighty hand, Buddy created A bowl, and in this bowl, letters and tomato soup. Then with a grace like no other, Buddy called forth the soup crafters, who formed the letters into sentences, and then into paragraphs, and finally into stories. This will hopefully be a fun group blog in which those who wish to join, and have decent writing ability, can come together to create collaborated stories. Eh, I give it a couple weeks before we give up on it. So, we'll start a new story every month, and maybe take a break for short one member stories, weekly stories, and any other new interesting things we can think of. I'll begin by inviting some friends to come join in on the fun. Then we'll attempt to start some sort of story out of our little brains.r.TIt's ten to one here and I've just six hours of my Saturday night creating a layout for this bloody blog. No way in hell am I going to bed without posting atleast one rant to keep my fans content for the night. So urlLink here's something to wrap your meager little minds around. Oh and also urlLink this . If you haven't heard of goatse man, well, I suggest you ask any younger to leave the room. Two links should be enough fresh content to keep the clones happy for the night. Time for some pepsi and sleep.r/T…Tuesday at lunch time I received my 2 and a half month late birthday gift from my older sister who lives in Ontario. After serveral hours of attempting to install the new 7200 rpm 40 gig harddrive, i had ..er.. accidentally erased all my old data on my old hard drive, and still didnt manage to get the new one installed. As a nasty side effect of loosing all my files, my music collection has been clipped some 200 and some odd files. 300 and some I had previously backed up to disk. Yesterday I was barely able to reinstall WinXP Pro and get back online, while I currently wait for my sister's roommate to drop me an email with instrucions on how to get the new hard drive in the right way. My first exam starts in four days. Judging from the review the past week in class, I think I'll do farely well. Also, only 16 more days till my GameCube. Walmart is currently offering a deal where when you purchase a GameCube you receive a free 5 game demo disc; I hope this offer is available in my area. Its 12:51 (pm) here so I think I should get some sleep. I still have some more computer related setting up to do tomorrow. This is where you stop reading.r0TÿAfter two or so hours and a failed attempt of taking a shoutbox and some scripting savvy and making a personal blog engine, I decided it's probably best if I remain with urlLink Blogger for the time being. Maybe if I get around to learning more php by the summers end I'll have another go at it, but as for right now, I can't be bothered. After seeing it last night and it now being featured on urlLink Slashdot , urlLink TheOneRing.net has a quicktime urlLink videoclip of Gollum and Andy Serkis (actor who played physical gollum during filming) acceptance speech at the MTV Video Awards last night. I'm going to have to agree with slashdot on "No joking, this is probably the funniest acceptance speech I have ever seen." Exams start next week and I am no whre near ready. I write math Monday, followed by science on Tuesday, English on Wednesday, and finally biology on Thursday. As an upside to all the blasted cramming I'll have to endur over the next week, I'm now glad to report I'll be receiving a GameCube for my gradding gift. I've opted for the Wind Waker package versus the Mario Sunshine bundle. Many people were quick to judge the new look of Zelda as childish and ugly, but if Windwaker is able to live up to the quality of previous Zelda games, it will be a smash despite the new cell shadding type graphics. Enter the Matrix currently tops the list of planned games to purchase for the soon to be aquired Gamecube. I can not overly stress how much this game rocks my face. Alright I'm done ranting.r1TFHot. Its way too hot. At least 100, and thats celcius. Im having a hard time just sitting here without passing out, but I'll survive. Last exam over and done with today. All together 8 pages of biology. I thought it was gonna shaft me like my science, so I took half an hour last night to go over my outline and do a little review. All and all I think I did ok, finishing up in the normal hour and a half; guess I have to wait till grading now too see how much the review really paid off. Once again its way too hot. Enough of this drunkey monkey hoo haw. Sitting on a cornflake.r2TÏAlright harddrive update. Thanks graciously to the very skilled people in #windows95 on DALnet, I was able to sort out my problems and have my new 40gig drive up and running as a slave drive. I would have liked to get it as master and move my files over to it, using my old 8gig for music stoarge, but one thing at a time. I just finshed writing my English exams just over 40 minutes ago, I think I actually did well. Considering how much I choked on my science on tuesday, I hope to woo my parents with a uplifted enlish mark to help secure my Game Cube. Speaking of which, only 10 more days till I get it. I've been doing some handiwork here and there lately, so I'm happy to have nearly enough money to buy the Matrix Reloaded when I do get the Game Cube. First things first though, Windwaker has to be beaten. And for that to happen i'll be needing a memory card so I guess I'll have to dip into my matrix money. Not to mention my girlfriend's prom next week, so theres another slice of the pie gone. Oh well hopefully I'll have it all sorted out by July. Dam these western sandwiches are good. Anyway back to mp3 whoring, so far 40 of my 200 deleted songs are back... oh the joys of 56k. I stop typing. You stop reading.r3T¿Oh bother, I just remembered something; I forgot to announce to the masses that I completed Wind Waker. Well not so much as completed, as I did finish the main quest. Kudos to sreid for navigating the last stretch before I took a break from packing to deliver the end blow. The finishing cinematics are really something, much better then Orcarina of Time or Manjora's Mask, and the fact that you start a new quest after first beating the game. Nothing amazingly new in the second quest, mostly just change of clothing for characters, start of with the delux pictograph, and you gain the ability to read Hylian, but a nice little addon none the less. So all thats left now is the collection of side quest items, heart pieces and whatnot, and it will be another Zelda game behind me. I shant think I'll grow as bored with this one quite as quickly I did the others, the game is simply to large. One peeve however is seems to lack the number of enjoyable minigames that were tucked in with previous Zelda versions. Wind Waker does feature serveral games in it, but none as addictive as ones in Orcarina of Time and the dark world shooting gallery in Link to the Past. What the game lacks in mini games it more then makes up for in side quests to keep the player content and involved with the game, which is always nice to see. Now as Wind Waker fades into memory a new choice is presented: Enter the Matrix... yes or no. A month ago I would have clubbed myself like a baby seal if I would have considered no as an option, but after rewatching the Metriod Prime movie clips on the bonus disc, and checking out other games now out for the GameCube, I'm starting to question if I really feel like completeing a game with the style and size of Enter the Matrix. By the end of this week I'll have enough money to purchase it, so I supose the descision will be made then. Thats about it I supose; as it will be a very boring and uneventful night as most of the chatters have gone to the grad party. *sigh* whats a poor nerd to do? Eat, yes eat. Left over pizza... exelent. Oh I managed to catch the end of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the movie last night, it brought back some very fond childhood memories. Cowabunga. Hahaha, I made a funny!r4T*Hmm blogger got a new layout while I was gone, nice. Anyway, back after 3 days, and my headache is finally leaving so its all good. My little trip rocked the perverbial face. First, prom. Nothing exciting to mention there, as most of the grads headed off to my cousins early to the party, leaving myself and my girlfriend, along with about 10 other stranglers behind. The party after the prom, that was good. Not gonna blurb about details that noone will read anyway, but I did wake up after 2 hours of sleep to find myself in a very cold and hard bottomed tent. The liquid refreshments from the night before made up for the pains the next day. Today I had the pleasure of a pounding headache following me around, but a sinutab on the drive back home is finally putting that dog to sleep. All thats left now is a 8am wake up for grading day. Ugh, not looking forward to that. Not because of the grades, but because for some stupid reason they plopped grading day on a saturday this year. All I can say is: what. the. shit. Nuts to your blinces, I'm going to bed.r5TOoo, look at me! I'm Mr. Happy Man, I like to make people happy! And I live on a gum drop house on loly-pop laaaane! No, not really. Actually im exhausted; 8 hours of Wind Waker will do that to a person. I swear the thing has a center of pure heroin wrapped in a delicious chocolate coating. Its addictive and I need help. Please, for the love of god save me from my wonderful new toy. Oh well, a fool and his gamecube are soon parted, and rightfully so. A three day break from the magical black box tomorrow for my cousins graduation and some visiting, then back home friday night for grading day marks the next day. Enough about me though, hows things with you? Dog still alive? Kids still not getting the fuck of your lawn? Yeah I know, same ol same ol. ...but what aboot second breakfast?r6TNWhoa buddy, lets settle it down there scholars. No, no lets not. Friday night I had to work, just moving and setting up sound equipment. No big deal but I didnt get home till 4 in the morning so I'm still exhausted, 4 and a half hours sleep tends to do that to you, but money is money, and I'm glad I had it. I say had because yesterday I got a pleasent little surprise when I got my gamecube a week early. Unfortunatly the save card and players guide for Wind Waker came to 52 bucks, so my money left me as quickly as it came. Now for my official game review deal. Anything bad said about the graphic style of Zelda Wind Waker can go burn itself. The new cell shaded style the producer implemented fits perfectly for the game, in addition to the sound, which is also phenominal. Im not even a forth of the way through the mian quest and I can tell already the development team really went all out for detail and game immersion. The environments are massive, and completly interactive while the AI is far more diverse then previous games. Another improvement is player control, adding the ability to crouch and crawl, along with "sidle" along narow ledges. Swordplay is also more advanced, more varying attack combinations make for more energetic fight scenes. I could go on but there is so much more ot the game then I feel like typing out. I highly recomend everyone with a gamecube to go out and buy this game. Those without gamecubes should buy one just for the fact of getting this game. This game gets my personal best of 10 thumbs up, along with super fantastico rocking my face award. ...Seek... help.r7TUMaybe inspiration wasnt as hard to find as I previously thought. So this is the new layout, I might tweak some alignment here and there, but I'm pretty happy with the look as a whole now. I orginally planned some over lapping images, but I changed my mind and realized the whole process of uploading images to a free host and stuff would have been just a hassel. So yeah, how about those pirates. Well thats basically all I had to blog. My main rant I already did for today, so unless I end up doing something worth mention, or get bored again, I guess this is it. Fuck fuck, mother mother fuck.r8THI mean whos dick do I have to suck to get some explosions around here. I'll correct myself right now about the previously mentioned "Blogs of Interest" as they are actually titled "Blogs of Note". Grammatical error or not, I still hate the idea of them like a fat kid hates celery. Now living in a time where even Joe Shmoe can post his ideas and thoughts to the world via such resources as the internet, I think the idea of raising a few such blogs into the spotlight to be shown as more important or more relivant then others is remarkably stupid. Who are a few such clones to deem that one persons life be more wrothy then an others, or claim that since one blogger says something a little differently, covers things a little diffently, or lives life a little differently, that it is a amazing development. And maybe I'm wrong, maybe I myself am over-emphasizing, but the fact remains that there is nothing more special about one blog then another. Well, besides this one, but thats heartless spam of course. Just felt like getting it off my chest. Maybe if I can get some traffic and actually post some content that the masses deem entertaining I'll gain the goody goody gosh status of being on the front page with 8 other "Blog of Note". But for that I might actually have to do the layout I've been seeking inspiration over. Jesus people suck.r9T¡Didn't blog lately, because frankly, nothin happened. sreid got his NBA Street Volume 2 which inheirently rocks our faces, and we've been trying to school each other in that the past few days. Breagh came over today, so I've been in a pretty good mood since. Me and sreid decided to walk to town today and see what was good at the theatres. We made it in there in about an hour and a half, which we thought was a pretty good time. Bought tickets to see The Hulk but then changed our minds and opted for Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. It was a good action movie all and all. Lots of explosions, hot chick, all the good stuff. The only downside was certain plot twists where you really had to understand the first two movies or have been following along intentivly to really understand it. Anyway that was cool and I got home round ten to twelve and decided to browse a little before I get some much needed sleep, lord knows I need it after the walk to the movies. Fuck fuck mother mother fuck its warm in here, another nights above the blankets I supose. It is summer but I hate when I end up kicking the sheets off halfway through the night only to be woken up an hour later when the temperature drops and try and remake my bed while in it. Incase you didn't notice (which the few of you who read the blog probably did't), I added a hit counter at the top of the page to keep track of how many people I've actually managed to woo to my site. I just stuck it up there for now until I do a remake of the blog layout and find a better spot to put it. In the meantime be sure to spam out http://debian.blogspot.com to all your little friends. > *sniff* *sniff* > DEFENCE! HOO HOO! DENFENCE!r:T Canada Day! Bah, who really cares. Me and sreid played some 007 and went to Don Cherries for his birthday supper; the steak there was delicious. After coming home and reading about 50 different blogs I decided to really put some personal content up on the site and hopefully get more people interested in reading it more frequently. Right now however it's 1:38am and I don't have the slightest of energy to start redoing a blog template. Not to mention I have to be up to mow grass tomorrow and spend no doubt several hours infront of the GameCube playing sreid's yet to be aquired NBA Street Volume 2. For the moment I'll be content if I can get some pepsi and about 10 hours sleep. > The winking pirate. > Weeooo! Weeooo! We got paint! > I hid the other 3 in the mushroom soup.r;TUOne of the better Mondays I've had in quite a while. The morning was spent idling somewhat bordishly (if that IS even a word) on the net, then after lunch me and sreid headed to his house to burn some music. A few hours later my music collection goes from 450 to almost 1100 songs now. Oh but shhh, dont let the RIAA find out. While burning he and I set about completing more of his recently aquired Mario Sunshine for his new GameCube, and when burning completed we opted for a trip to subway where I selfishly delved into my Matrix money to keep my stomach content. We tried renting NBA Street Volume from the video store, but aparently there was a lock on his name, so we eventually ended in town and him getting 007 Agent Under Fire for his grading gift, or was his birthday gift, I dont know. The game plays well and there are plenty of options to customize gameplay. We only played the multiplayer mode, but I expect the missions to be weel constructed too. I was glad to see the presence of AI bots in multiplayer mode, it really helps boost game value when you want to play a little skrimich but dont want to have to rely on a second human player for an opponent. I'll cut my review short there as I'm in the mood for a rant, bare with me. If any of you little people out there reading this are also bloggers, and have browsed the random blog list on the main page of blogger.com, you have no doubt seen the Blogs Of Interest blogs listed there. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but when I see a list of blogs titled "Blogs Of Interest", one would come to the reasonable conclusion that these blogs would be interesting; they would be different, they would be something that I could enjoy to read each time they're updated. They lie! Now I'm not saying my blog should be put on this list, I'm not jealous or any close proximity by any sence, but I see nothing extra special about the serveral blogs I have looked over in the list. Call me a ass for thinking so, but I really think whoever decided these blogs were special, has some creativity issues. Now I dont know if there is supose to be any certain honor amongst bloggers or what have you, but I feel like I have the right assigned to me by the wonderful freedom of speech to lay a royal smackdown on Matrix Essays in particular. I myself am a huge fan of the matrix, seen the movies, quote the lines regularly, bend spoons and dodge bullets on occation, but this blog, is uber poopoo. Thats right, Ive had to lower myself to the level of calling things "uber poopoo" to describe this blog. I've thought about the ideas the matrix represents, the messages it can convey under the actual screenplay, and the intellectual stimulus it can provide if really thought out, but this site takes it way too far. Explaining unforseen events by reasonable doubt is fine, but I think people who take the Matrix and bend it into the bloody bible of their life is truely pathetic in my views. I didnt see anyone taking a copy of Ace Ventura and study it trying to derive connections to every possible segment of religion, humanity, and social issues. I know the movies have little to no similiarities, but thats what they still remain to be, movies. The matrix is a freaking movie, not some blasted 8th wonder of the world. It doesnt hold the meaning of life, a prophacy of things to come, or the Carmilk secret. Its a entertainment medium, end of story. Stop trying to pick it apart and guess what each and every frame of the movie conveys, and enjoy it for what it is, a well writen and well directed peice of flim. Neos, Trinitys, Morpheus', Oracles of the net, do me and many other people a favor: Shut the fuck up.r<T¶Not a bad bit of HTML if I do say so myself. Yup I finally gathered enough energy to complete a whole new layout. The layout itself is baised off an already made template at urlLink http://www.1greeneye.net/ , however the one you see before you was hand coded, and my bets are if you look at their source code, its a hell of alot cleaner. But I mean, hey its a lazy Sunday night, so what else is there to do for those of us with no life. Thats right, twiddle our thumbs and hum hillbilly tunes to our keyboard. Alright I could have sworn I mentioned in my last blog that I was going to the beach today, but I guess not. So I caught a little sand and surf. Well actually I caught alot of sun, and now the burn on my back prooves it. I'll be a nice brown by tomorrow, but I ended heading for the water before I roasted the front side of me, so I guess I'll be tan on one side, albino on the other. Dam sunbruns sure do make you thirsty. Still no decission on Enter the Matrix yet, but I'm leaning towards it right now. I just wanna figure out if the two disks are for seperate missions or just one long continuous gameplay. I'm hoping each disk represents a character. Ive played as the man, but I want to see how or if Niobe is any different. I've seen the previews so I know you get to play as her on atleast on mission, but the possibility of two different story lines you could follow is just a hope I dont want to let go of. Driving in my big blue truck.r=TI neglected to blog yesterday, so I figure I might as well do it now. Last night me and sreid walked to and from the movies. It took about a hour and 15 both ways, and I wasnt really tired from it I'm happy so say. We seen The Hulk, right now my opinion of it is pretty iffy. It was long, which was good, but too much of it seemed like useless story line trying to explain things. Despite bad reviews due to CG, the hulk himself seemed very natural. The action sequences in the movie were well done and I'm glad to say the acting wasn't as terrible as I thought it might be. Breagh came over today, it was a great time, after some stuff the las tfew days the visit really helped things. Right now I'm getting ready to fetch another snack, and watching some movie with Jennifer Anniston. Dam shes mint. Anyway enough of this. My raisin russian queen. And me, the super evil genious. Muwah, dam those fat kids.r>TÖAlright so I opted for sleep over editing the layout, like it matters. I can't feel my arms; alright; I can barely feel my arms, my neighbour's lawn mower is too freaking heavy. Its like pushing around a wheel-barrow full of fat kids, and we all know how dam heavy fat kids tend to be. But I'm glad to say I'm 20 dollars richer for having done it, money which could be going towards a new game seings as how I now have around 70 some odd dollars. However since I am planning on a little trip next week I think the game shall have to wait, for how long I don't know. And that's my cue to exit. I'll probably be blogging again when I get home tonight, for those of you who care. There are people who care right? Right? Mommy?r?TFSo yeah, more mods to be made on the layout, but definatly not another night up till 2 in the morning doing so. Blogger seems to be hopping back and forth putting new blogs in the blogs of note section; why don't they just make up there mind. Anyways it seemed like a very short day today. Got up at 12:30, had breakfast, net, ect. Went down sreid's and played some NBA Street Volume 2 for a while, then came back here and did the same. Right now I'm more then a little bored and enjoying some very "educational" television. Oh well, I guess I'll edit the layout. Now listen meow.r@U>Too tired to type. New layout. See you in the morning. Irish.rAUAdded a shoutbox instead of my bio, which will go.. somewhere. Mowed a lawn, made some money, off to spend it. Thankyou, thankyou, goto hell.rBT„Pretty spiffy if I do say so. Another layout done and I think it looks good. I'll redo and add my bio to the whitespace on the right later on, right now I'm happy just to look at my finished work. Oh and until I add it to the links collum, you should click urlLink here . This has to be one of my all time favorite sites concerning people and things getting flamed. Maddox, you rookass.rCT5I'm back from my break. Actually I was back this afternoon but couldn't be bothered to blog. It was a good little trip all in all. Spent Monday evening at Breagh's; then Tuesday and Wednesday we hung out at the Marina with the peoples and her her house come the later hours. I was planning to be home by tomorrow morning but Breagh was going to the mall today so I figured I might as well join her and get dropped off at the ol homestead on her way back. She got some clothes and things and we browsed the stores for a while then had some Burger King for lunch. She wasn't feeling to great so she stopped in at my place for a bit and had some Advil and rest. Now shes back home and I miss her already. . I got another layout coming along. I'm thinking I should begin saving my old ones to offer as templates. Which reminds me. I was offered a position as a html coder at urlLink http://www.inxstudios.com before I left the other day. Its a new site featuring graphic design and webpage development it seems. I met the creator of the site a while back, he saw my site layouts lately and was interested in me coding templates to be sold, so I guess I'll be doing that soon enough. Tenacious D is good. Really really good. You should download pirated music of their recordings. I like short sentences. Hell. O. Down. Syndrome. :(rDTºHaven't blogged in hmm, 6 days is it? Why? You know why, nothing has happened, obviously. I can't even recall any worthwhile events the last 6 days to use as filler... dam. Oh, Breagh came over yesterday, its all good. Other than that its been a pretty anti-social week, however I did wander out this evening to whoop sreid in a game of pool volleyball, go me ;D. I hate those messenger spam messages. I'll offer several lines of glory and praise to the one who brings me the head of the fucktard who thought that Windows built in spam option was a good idea. I'm really hungry right now, so I guess I'll loot the fridge. Jesus sunlight makes me tired. Congradulations! ... Your an idiot!rEUƒRead urlLink this . If you don't, your a evil terrorist bent on killing innocent Americans. Just read the articles, you'll get it.rFTwThat would make today, Sunday, right? Right. So I embarked on a interesting little journey this weekend, start learning Visual Basic. Why? I have no clue. Outcome: it has since been deleted. Since then however I've nominated Perl to take its place. Try and learn Perl instead of VB? Yes its quite mad, I assure you, I'm very insane. So hungry, so very dam hungry. Since I had to fend for myself yesterday with my parents gone to some dinner thing, I end up eating all the normal food in the house. Where does that leave me now? Hungry and unpleasent. Oh and lets not forget about this little creation urlLink clicky . Shwing.rGTÓwell i have found a solution to the problem of integrating a biography or about section of myself onto my website; move the personal stuff to blogger. hence i have divided #! /bin/debian into two distinct sections. the first of which is here; by back from the dead blogger account which i have not actively used since last summer. this will give me a chance to post the more blog-ish type events which i feel like talking about, as well as being a page more devoted to myself as oppose to my other interests. think of this site as just one big about page section for my site. the other half of #! /bin/debian would be the site currently residing on urlLink http://debian.recile.net , which will serve as a somewhat e/n webpage to my multiple nerd interests, as well as any tidbits i feel like posting. it will cover the more public and external portions of my site, while this, the blogger, will cover the internal. i still have work to do to the debian.recile.net site to remove sections of my bio and whatnot and redirect about links to this domain, as well as make a semi-official post like this one to give people the 411 on the existance of my blog. hopefully this seperation of personal from public irected content will help me devlope debian.recile.net more while still providing me with a station for blogging which i orginally wanted. in the beginning all i wanted was a single personal webpage; but trying to mix content about myself as well as content relating to what im interested in wasnt as easy as i planned, and its so much more simpler to have individual sites for it now. anyway i better get dressed or something. breaghs coming over later to visit; so i guess she gets to finally meet my sister. see how that turns out.rHU6omfg .. MORE LIKE DOUCHE-FIRE.. ahhhh THERMODYNAMCILArIXÌWah, man finally off the phone after like nearly 10 phone calls to ISPs + PSTN companies. Just got my local home phone changed to B… cos man it’s DAMN cheap… yep, I reckon it is… cos it’s only $29.95 for line rental, (which is cheaper than ANY OPTUS or TELSTRA LINE! – both above $33) and not only is it $29.95… it includes 100 local phone calls!!! – we only make like around 70 or 80 per month so we never have to pay more than $29.95. much cheaper than what we pay which we used to pay (which was $33 for line rental no free calls, and then pay like up to $15 just for local calls, and then we make like an extra $15, for Mobile + STD, for international we make a local call and use a calling card which is even cheaper…) SO! - $29.95 and that’s all why? – cos I changed ISP to iiNet. Cost only $79.95 per month, but I get $10 off, per month cos I also joined their iiPhone, which means I only pay $69.95 for like 32gb download, which I seriously doubt I’ll ever have to worry about going over, if I don’t plan to download crap loads of stuff. And it’s a 512/128 connection 32gb, for less than $70… then iiPhone, there are no monthly fees or anything, it just for mobile, international and STD calls, (we’ll never use the international calls) but as for the STD and mobile calls, they have the cheapest rates out of all the providers I have ever seen, SO that means we’ll lover that $15 to mobiles to maybe 10… so if I add up everything that’s only $100 per month for all phone and internet! – which is a much better Deal than our current $160 per month deal… so yeah, all is good =) save parents $60 per month. And we’ll get to use the phone more and not pay as much. Okay… not that you needed to know all that crap! – but man that took me ages… 1 ½ hours to get done… and well 328 words to type what I did =S. I spent like some time yesterday night to check out mobile plans, and then ended up with home phone plans, and I also came across the net plan SO I just got everything changed the next day. No rash decision, all figured out, been thinking about the net thing for ages. Mobile plans… why was I checking them out? – well, supposedly my family’s gonna have a ABN number… meaning I can sign up for business plans… and the thing is business mobile plans have the CHEAPEST imaginable rates… so yeah, it’ll be good, only down side of things is that they don’t offer Yes time… which I guess right now isn’t such a BIG deal, cos I’ll just get people to call me, But then again, I don’t use Yes time THAT often so with what I save if I wanted to phone someone even without yes time it would be worth while. BUT my contract only ends like next year… and well I plan to by a new phone in SG or Malaysia end of year… so yeahz. I’ll see what happens… still got heaps of time. (man what is this guy talking about yeah??? – weirdest blog entry ever right? – hmmm maybe… ) Anyway! How was my day? – Good, cos I feel better =) but still not perfect, I actually was running late for the train on the way home, cos I wanted to go somewhere before home, so I jogged a bit, and got my heart rate maybe up 10 bpm, and well I could feel that even if I wanted to run 100m tomorrow, there was no chance I would make it to the finish line ALIVE! If I tired… cos I think it was like the virus that could attack the heart, and well I could already feel that it wasn’t good. BUT if I didn’t run, I think today, was the best I’ve felt in like 2 weeks. Spesh first period, man been awhile since I’ve had spesh… I’m so far behind, David Oh, the ultimate genius of Maths… is like Kenny… you’ve done nearly nothing this year… no exercises no home work… if you tired Kenny you would do so much better, (well I guess who would yeah?). in some sense to me that’s a huge encouragement, cos the fact is, right now I’m doing spesh unlike anyone else, but yet, man I’m KICKING like 80% of the people at BHHS!!! Now that is HILLARIOUS! – I feel like one of those people who everyone hates… never do any work… but still can do so well =P hahahz! YES! – man how good does that feel, but yeah I think in the long term, esp when everyone revises at the end of the year, I’m sure to fall behind. Okay, Maths was my BEST subject by far when I was younger… I ACED maths up to year 9 =S then well, hmmm people got better than me, and I just got used to it. So now I don’t care =S Cos it’s DAVID OH, man how can you beat someone who get perfect mark, even if you tired, you can only equal him, and what the guy don’t even do half the set work… but me =S I do maybe a tenth =S probably less... hmmm I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m still no over this mental battle to figure out whether I’m dumb, or that I have a brain. (not literally). It’s not good to admit you have one, and well that’s what I’ve refused to do for many years already, making myself believe I’m dumb, so it’s okay to not do well, (my excuse), but then hmmm if I tired, I guess I could do better, and currently, if I tired I don’t know what the possibilities could me. Maybe I could do really well at spesh? Which is kinda important… sighz, I don’t know, maybe I’m scared that if I try and I don’t do that well that I feel that I’m stupid, cos well without trying I’m doing =S alright, but it’s not something to commend… cos it’s pretty dodgy, since it’s no where near an A+… just cos everyone fails… I guess I can’t compare to them… well not can’t I shouldn’t. I should have higher standards… but yeah, doesn’t it feel good to feel that you kicked people’s bums?... Hmmm, what I seriously wonder about is all the people who are like thinking… what? Kenny kick people’s bums, and he didn’t even do anything… BHHS must be full of the biggest retards… Well that’s where you’re wrong, BHHS got tons of smart people, the school overall does A LOT better than average, and well is one of the schools with the highest percentage of people who get about 90 as an ENTER. Okay, I’m just gonna shut up now… I just need to study and do spesh for once… but in my head I keep thinking, if I don’t try, I can’t be blamed for getting a crap mark. Ha… man I write so much crap that, because of this, I’ve decided to open a new blog, and stick all this crap into there… I need to maintain a decently level of quality of saneness in my proper blog. Well I’ll just end this crappy post which will be my first post in my doggy blog! =) baizrJTcOK, in retrospect, the song should be called "Plutocracy in the USA," since plutocracy is rule by the wealthy, whereas oligarchy means "government by the few, esp. for corrupt and selfish purposes." Not to say that those are necessarily mutually exclusive designations.... But plutocracy always makes me think of "rule by animorphic Disney characters."rKTÄSearching for "Kapitalist" online, I thought I'd find many bands with that name, but apparently there are more named Chaotika. However, we might need a rule about any name that already has a dance club with its own handbag: Then again, the name "Kapitalist Handbag" has some song title potential. Do you think the Beatles, or Metallica, or urlLink Beatallica came up with song titles first, then lyrics, then music? Found an interesting trend searching for "Kapitalist Handbag" which lead me to urlLink "Capitalist Handbag" . Seeing only 1,560 search results on google, I thought pluralising "handbag" would bring the search down to more urlLink Google Whacking potential. However, the search for urlLink "Capitalist Handbags" led to 31,100 results. This confirms the fact that capitalists like things in plural, because they can afford more handbags. I am going to have to admit right now that I am more musical than lyrical. Without knowing what process Hetfield/Hammett or Lennon/McCartney used, I think of the music first, or at the same time. So, here is an intro: Middle Class Burden F#5 F#5/E F#5 F#5/E F#5 F#5/E F#5 It's not my fault that everything's B/F# A/E so easy F#5 F#5/E F#5 F#5/E F#5 F#5/E F#5 --middle class and white it's considered A/E a crime! F#5 F#5/E F#5 F#5/E F#5 F#5/E F#5 My burden is explaining how I got what I B/F# A/E needed --every- F#5 F#5/E F#5 F#5/E F#5 F#5/E F#5 job every loan every thing every A/E time... (C) 2004 It looks more complicated than it is, more reflecting a lazy left-hand style with thumb (lifts for E, Hendrix style) and no more than 3 strings at once, but not all power chords (5). I think the next verse would be based on the subdominant (B), same riff. This stuff is hard to write when listening to bachata and cumbia, but maybe that will enhance its style. --ghrLUSOh..and I think a good name for a conservative punk band might be "Kapitalist." -mrMT4-TRACKING SOFTWARE.. So..I was lamenting the fact that we hadn't taken advantage of geography and formed our con-punk band while we were in Maryville. But then I realized that this is probably the whole reason the "Information Superhighway" was created. So for instance, there is urlLink this . So I think we should collaborate on an album... At the very least, Fairly Crass (perhaps featuring Shaken Moneymaker Syndrome and Los Haddocks del Norte) should finally, finally, finally, finish an album. Or at least a song. -mrNXŽLYRICS.. OK, for the first verse, the part that goes: I am an anti-christ I am an anarchist, Don’t know what I want But I know how to get it. I wanna destroy the passer by ’cos I wanna be anarchy, ...how about this: I am a fan of Christ I am a man of Christ I know what I want and I know how to get it. I wanna destroy the middle class 'cos I wanna be oligarchy It needs work.. -mrOTòLessee. . . . I'm currently slowly working my way through the 700-page Pushcart Prize anthology from last year - it's an annual compilation of the best stuff printed by small presses (fiction, non-fiction, and poetry). Well worth the time; some of it is crud, but there's a lot of good stuff, as well as some pretentious "I'm in a writer's workshop and so surely everyone wants to read about my sexual frustrations" sorts of pieces. Overall quality level is very high, though, and pretension quotient is very low. I'm also starting Matt Rohrer's new book of poetry (whose name escapes me right now) - Matt is a good friend of mine from high school and was the best man in our wedding. I tried reading "I, Claudius" by Robert Graves (a fictionalized "autobiography" of the stuttering Roman emperor) earlier in the summer, but sort of got bogged down. I think that may be more of a depth-of-winter project rather than a lazy-hazy-crazy-days-of-summer project. Lisa and I are still working our way through an out-loud--before-bedtime-reading of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." Finally, I'm working my way through Eric Schlosser's (who also wrote "Fast Food Nation", which I highly recommend) "Reefer Madness", which explores the underground economy - illegal migrant farmworkers, the drug trade, and I can't remember what else. That's my sitting-in-the-tub-and-back-of-toilet reading. If I actually focused on a single book, I might actually finish one of them some day. In other news, Ninja-master Rumsfeld can be found urlLink here . If we ever do actually form our capitalist punk band, we could do a remake of the Sex Pistol's song, entitled "Oligarchy in the USA." I'm still working out the lyrics, but if anybody has some suggestions for verses that could fit into the song structure of "Anarchy in the UK", let's hear 'em. IIIIIIIIII.....wanna beeeeeeeee....oligarchyyyy...get rich, destroy! Ahhahahaha!!!! Finally, I'll leave you with urlLink this story , since I don't know what to make of it....rPTSSo, yeah. Various things -- hotmail is, in fact, teh suck. However, the invitation I got was expired so, even without the suck, I couldn't join. 'Cept that now I did. So, yeah. Pyro would be awesome. And backstage (backblog?) Betties. As far as lists go, do books that we're supposed to be reading count? Cuz I have loads of those.rQTPCan we exchange which books we are reading this summer? If you have 500-hours of forest hiking duty, you can exempt yourself from this game. Currently, I am consumed by urlLink The Devil In The White City by Erik Larson (writes for Atlantic Monthly). I know it is a year old, but this is the Midwest, and well, you know... This is the kind of book I would read even without the serial killer story woven in. I also learned a lot more about Frederick Law Olmstead, whose later life was not that dreamy. I really want to know what k-dubya (S's dagaare name, I think) is reading. --ghrRT3MORE STUFF.. So Bennet isn't online yet, because he has Hotmail (everyone point and laugh!). I'll let him figure it out (hint: it involves not having Hotmail, which sucks, for numerous reasons). Perhaps we should get us one of those counter/tracker things.. And some links. And some pyrotechnics. -mrST­Hello all, Just checking to see if this works. By the way, I opted to change my name from the rather pedestrian "S" to the more interesting "Kabiebayo", which is the Dagaare name that the folks in Lisa's village gave me when I visited Ghana - it means "travels and sees." It's a shortened form of a Dagaare proverb that says, basically, that it is only when one travels that one realizes just how little one knows of the world.rTU¤ALL SET.. OK. Invitations have been sent to: Steve Rawkstah LyleDeanBurgher Anyone else that should be included? Abbei teh Cat? Henry Rollins? Francis? -mrUTMark is now an admin, you can invite folks and change things. I want Rawkstah's "Dad"... It's amazing that I am sitting under a beautiful blue sky, slightly humid, and warm enough to almost welcome summer -- and yet we are in a tornado watch. Looks like Gage had an actual warning... I still think they messed up when naming those alerts "watch" and "warning." It is the equivalent of the common call when a foul ball is hit: "Heads UP!" --which actually means "duck!" Since "watch" only means that conditions are favorable, it makes "warning" seem that nothing is really imminent. In fact, "Tornado Imminent" sounds more threatening than "warning." And now a warning can be made because doplar radar "thinks" it sees tornadic activity, increasing the frequency of warnings, making people less cautious than they should be. Any suggestions for a better system? We can forward them to the National Weather Service, (NWS). From NWS: * AT 1247 PM CDT... RADAR INDICATED A SEVERE STORM WITH A POSSIBLE TORNADO. THE MOST DANGEROUS PART OF THE STORM WAS LOCATED 8 MILES SOUTHWEST OF ADAMS... OR ABOUT 10 MILES NORTHEAST OF BEATRICE... MOVING EAST AT 25 MPH. When Van Halen recorded "Jump" in 1984, I was so MAD. Now it is playing on the local classic rock station... elderly and stuff.rVUJRAISON D'ETRE.. Is it time to invite blog-commenting all-stars yet? -mrWUŒBETTER OK. That fixed that. I say we keep our previous blogging styles. For instance, my titles look like this: RONALD WHO? -mrXU&see if this works. -rawkstah's friendrYU‰Oh, I see, Mark did attach to FairlyCrass when signing in. Just did not catch that. Great, now we have a dog posting to this blog. --thrZT\Now there is something else that I have to figure out, I was not expecting the username "mark", I just would have thought it would attach to your regular blogger account. Maybe I should invite Terra to see what the email looks like... Terra? No wait, that really is a nom-de-whatever, since, surprise, I am the actual author for her page... --ghr[T7K. K. I'm here. Just spent 3 days up in the mountains, attempting to start to core trees. It snowed on us. At this point, I feel I must reiterate the immortal words of one of the best professors I ever had, Ken Gerow: "This [ecology] ain't rocket science; this is complicated!" I probably shant (where does the apostrophe go in that contraction?? "shan't?" "sha'nt?" "sh'a'nt?") be posting often, for the next month or so, as I will be dodging bears and mountain lions, braving the snow, trudging up impossible inclines, etc., all in the name of science. -mr\U]This is the second coming of StaircaseWit, I've been meaning to write a book about that. --ghr]T–FOTOSHOP (OR MSPAINT) PHRIDAY OK, your assignment for Friday (or this weekend, sometime), is a combination of urlLink Something Awful's Photoshop Phriday and something Steve (I think) mentioned once... Your assignment is to Photoshop (or MS Paint, if you are PS-deficient) a new, humorous caption for the following urlLink Family Circus cartoon, which was chosen at random: Bon chance.. -mr^UI'm sure, being as it is that we're all huge dorks, that we're all aware of urlLink this by now..but just to be sure... -mr_T¡I added the urlLink Waypath Buzz Maker to the template of this blog. (Scroll all the way to the bottom.) It will track the five most important things to each of us, and how often it is discussed on the web. Rawk is apparently much more important than Bolivian Elections. There are more options, and more tools ("Related Stuff!") but this looks like a service that won't even be in existence by November... --ghr`TMI came across this site ( urlLink Black People Love Us! ) because I wanted to see if a web search for "Black People" still leads to an eBay sponsored link. (It does by the way, mentioning antiques and collectibles, no where urlLink near as bad as it used to be.) This site is almost perfect, except for one naughty testimonial. (I am warning you.) From the letters, it is amazing that many people don't understand satire. What's worse are the people that have to send them a letter saying "I get it, this is satire." Maybe it is even worse that I have to tell you that it is satire. This should be required reading for white people, and conservative punk rock bands. (If that bored you, try this: urlLink Saddam's Rock, Paper, and Scissors . Did you know that the blogger's built-in spell-check doesn't know the word "blog?") --ghraTJActually, the website from which that second image comes is worth a link in and of urlLink itself . Bedanged if I can tell what it's all about. Especially good is the urlLink Family Indigestion Cookbook . Mmmmmmmmmm.... urlLink Molded Pork Loaf .... I am SO making that the next time we have Abbie over for dinner. -mrbTIFor those interested, a GIS (Google Image Search) for 'monkey' gives the following as the 2nd result: Isn't that the tenderest thing you've ever seen? One of the other results features 3 words that would make a great band or album name: G-Had: Blogger is emailing me when there are comments to this blog. You can only enter one email address to be informed re: comments. Perhaps there is a way we could use one central email account, and forwarding, to allow all members to receive an email when comments are made? (I could probably figure it out, but I'm feeling lazy) -mrcUurlLink "Raw Horseflesh Ice Cream" .... In the words of my brother, Phil, "anything else i could write here would be irrelevant."rdUeurlLink Google Search: classic donkey art And let this inspire you: Rawk on, bruddahs. --ghreUONo nekiddy pictures were used to modify this image ( urlLink proof! ) --ghrfU™urlLink OK...Here is my entry for the Family Circus Mockery Project, Week 1..... Sort of an inside joke, but I think we're all down with Homestar. -mrgTTHAT'S MORE LIKE IT! OK, since G-Had has provided us with this wonderful, inspired, GeoTechnicolor work of genius, here is the next assignment: Photoshop this Family Circus from the 70's: My own attempt at the first cartoon will appear soon...(maybe) -mrhUAFine, are you satisfied? I'm ready for my next assignment. --ghriTÆSo, Dad had a heart attack on Sunday. He's fine, but incredibly bored. He should be released from the hospital (BryanLGH in Lincoln, NE) Tuesday or Wednesday. I know that there were murmurings of having him be on this blog, and I'm sure he'd appreciate the invite, and also emails. His address is be21314(at)alltel.net Sorry for my lack of activity here. Been doing... other stuff... yeah. You can prolly get more details on my blog. -- RawkStahrjTîTHERE'S NO ACTION.. Fine, you lazy bastards. Don't participate. I won't either.. Here's an easier one..So they're having a competition to suggest the urlLink most beautiful German word. Personally, I think of German as a utilitarian language, and not all that beautiful. But, I appreciate the way they tie lots of smaller words together to mean something complicated. For instance, there is probably a word in German that means 'go online to order a laserjet toner cartridge,' that sounds something like 'Gotgittinundtcartrichvonlaserinkeinonlein.' So I'm looking for nominations for the most beautiful English words. Here are some of my suggestions: -coffeepot -lackluster -somersault -winnow -slippery -perspiration -spinnerbait -mrkhìhìTDThe abuse of Iraqi prisoners in Iraq is disgusting, abhorant and near vomit inducing. American and British soldiers, albeit a minority of them have behaved terribly and individually they should be punished, but at the very top heads must role for these despicable war crimes. The Red Cross has reported severe concerns of breeches in POW conditions as stated under the Geneva convention, and yes all ye idiots, America has signed up to the Geneva convention. In the British segment Red Cross advice was acted upon, the fact that the abuse ever took place is appaling by itself, but in the American segments abuse continued. The Arab world will use this again against the west and in particular America, a major figure must go to show that these acts of abuse are simply not tolerated, for the good of all of us. RUMSFIELD MUST RESIGN.rlT”Exam stress, a stubborn attitude and a slight arrogance on my part have made the last week difficult to say the least. I have been, in the words of one of my 'friends' (you'll see why I use inverted commas later) a jumped up backstabbing dick. I think this email, sent to me after a pathetic dispute over... well the email explains all: Dear Richard You may be correct, it may be us that owe you an apology, and i am sure that we were all prepared to talk about this like sensible adults. However, you may think that you are being mature by sending around an email telling us that we are pathetic, but for once could you maybe take a step back from your seemingly bottomless pit of knowledge, and the attitude that you always know best, and think to yourself "Maybe i am the pathetic one?" For example how did this whole situation spawn, well i can tell you quite easily, it began when we very kindly invited you to come on our holiday with us in the forthcoming summer, what a nice gesture. Obviously not. Somehow you managed to fabricate the idea in your own mind that we didn't want you there, which we obviously didn't considering that we invited you! You then went on to moan about the cost, location, and company which would also rather piss you off somewhat if anyone else had gone about acting in the same 'pathetic' manner. When asked if you would be attending the trip by myself and Richard you went on to kick a chair, slam a door and then go and tell Adam and Simon that they wern't invited. Very mature. I feel that what you did to them was the biggest backstabbing action which you could have taken, very noble considering that you were supposedly good friends with all of the people on the trip. As you can tell this pissed all of us off just that little bit more, but still i was prepared to hear your side of the story so i came and found you in your history room where YOU found it interesting to bombard Amy and myself with abuse, yet again another honorable action. Then i attended Science today happy in the knowledge that i would see my good friends Richard and Polly. However, as you may know the mood turned rather sour when you found my very funny joke somewhat unfunny and went about hitting me in the face.(Which i must add was a pathetic punch) I feel that the trouble with you Richard is that you are somewhat insecure about yourself, your exact words were "I'm not really bothered by what you are saying, it means nothing to me" if you not bloody bothered then why hit me in the face you idiot if your not bothered then why get in such a shit about everything, why do you make everything worse for yourself squaring up to my best friend storming off in a rage, we are not trying to upset you, it is called a joke if you wern't so pathetic and took it all with a pinch of salt people wouldn't know that it got to you, so wouldn't drill the same old insult, personally your poncy little spack today just made the joke twice as funny, as did it for everybody else in the square after you walked off, hopeing to leave in some sort of dramatic fashion when actually all you did was make yourself look like a complete twat. You wonder why people call you boring, or moody it seems inconceivable to me that you can't see why, this time last week i still thought that you were a genuine decent bloke but you just went and made yourself look like a complete idiot by trying to make somesort of noble stand, resulting, as per usual in everybody else laughing behind your back. Richard C was right from the very beginning when he told me that you could be a jumped up backstabbing dick, i gave you the benefit of the doubt, but you had to go and shove a number of friendships right up your own ass. Pathetic. Written by Nik agreed by Richard The joke he is refering to by the way, is writing nazi on a photograph of me and drawing a swastika. I do have to admit he has exagerated these facts ever so slightly, yet it remains me who is the one who needs to apoligise. Considering my actions of the past few days, weeks even, I can see and I do realise that I have behaved in a manner that isn't appropriate, isn't friendly and a manner I simply should not have behaved in. I have apoligised to these people, but I doubt my apoligies will mean much. I need to consider to myself, what do I want to get from this life? Happiness of course, and if this is what I want, why I am going about it like this, clearly the wrong way. Why am i ruining friendships that took an age to build, with people I actually do get on with, despite thier frequent need for racist comments. I have decided the best strategy by far is too keep my head down until way after exams now, but I'm not sure they'll have the same idea. It seems to me that I have taken a feeling of self belief too far and stepped in the realm of feeling some kind or arrogant self importance. Things need to change, and they need to change now, I can only hope that I can change myself before I lose even more friends.rmT¨Perhaps a slight exageration, but tomorrow is my last GCSE exam! This momentus event in my life so far will be a 2 hour history exam on the subject of Germany between the wars, now you don't get any more exciting than that. So this is the end of my secondery education, the end of an era you might say. After this point I shall be moving on into the world, tomorrow marks a conerstone in my life. Okay, so now I've written a lot of waffling nonsense about that lets see whats been going on today. Um, not a lot, football tonight has been funny, final games of group C in Euro 2004. Italy played Bulgaria and Sweden played Denmark. Before the game it was widely publicised that both Sweden and Denmark would progress to the next round if thier game ended in a score draw of higher than 2 - 2. This was of course followed by the famous Azzuri excuse machine going into overdrive, "it will be a conspiracy" they shouted, "we worry they might fix it" vieri was quoted as saying. So guess what the final score was? Yep 2 - 2, never have I laughed so hard at a football result. So Sweden top the group, Denmark come second and Italy and Bulgaria are going out. This match certainly wasn't a stitch-up, but it is a very, very funny result. If Jonsson hadn't scored that late equaliser for Sweden, Italy would have been spared. Alas, tomorrow night is a much more important game for myself, it awaits to be seen whether Germany can actaully become good at football suddenly to beat the Chezch Republic. I shall be out celebrating the end of exams with my phone constantly buzzing with score updates. Which brings me on to the proposed events of tomorrow night. A piss up in a field. Yes, thats right, we shall be going out and doing the most stereotypical of teenage taboos, we shall be going to a field in the evening with some beers and some cider and getting sloshed. Oh the joys. For now, I must flee, for there is much last minute, panic revision to be done.rnX5 urlLink Germany 0 latvia 0 , not a great game at all. As promised I shall explain my reasons for my disent towards Ukip. Ukip are a party controlled by a idiot, spun by an American and whose lead candidate in the European elections is a bigoted racist with a permanent sun tan. To move on from the childish reasons, the Independent on June 16th put it nicely, describing just what leaving the EU means, it urlLink truly is a £23Bn question . Not only is it sheer lunancy to leave the EU, the largest free trade area in the world and the greatest single benifit to UK interests, the alternatives proposed by Ukip are terrifying to say the least. They want Britain to leave the European Union, but they are in favour of economic globalisation, and a stronger role for the US dominated World Trade organisation (WTO). The WTO which is already forcing genetically modified US goods into British supermarkets; the WTO that puts global free trade before environmental regulation; the WTO that undermines national laws to push its own economic rules on nation states. While Ukip say they are concerned about independence from Brussels paradoxically they are perfectly prepared to surrender our sovereignty to the WTO and the US. Similarly Ukip dangle before the electorate the enticing possibility of joining the North American Free Trade Association (NAFTA) to replace the EU, cementing Britain’s place as the 51st state of America. Unfortunately however this would allow American companies to be free to sue British companies for loss of profits if they tried to impose health and safety or environmental laws that according to NAFTA’s frankly bizarre definition of free trade discriminates against these companies. Rather more worryingly, Ukip have almost identical policies to the BNP on migration and asylum; many UKIP parliamentary candidates have been former National Front or Northern League of New Britain Party activists, hence UKIP have been dubbed "the BNP with smiling faces.†I only have to point your attention to Robert Kilroy-Silk, who made horrifically stereotypical comments about Arabs describing them all as “suicide bombers, limb amputators and women repressors.†Ukip is an unrealistic political party composed almost entirely of white middle-aged men who seem determined to try and return Britain to an imagined 1950s golden age. It's not going to happen, Britain is stong when in Europe, strong when at the heart of Europe, strong when she can speak alongside her European allies to provide a counter-balance to the lunatic US foreign policy of late. Recently after Ukip's supposed election breakthrough (15% of the votes from an uninformed and uninterested electorate), they have vowed to 'wreck' the European parliament, so they don't just want to 'wreck' the UK by withdrawing it, they want to ruin the institution that is bringing economic, social and political benifits to the rest of the EU. Selfish? Go and play your mindless political games elseware Mr Kilroy-Silk and let the people of the EU enjoy the peace and prosperity that a stable and united Europe has brought to us.roTEExams are all but over now (I have food technology and History left but they really arn't important), so the long summer has all but begun. This can only mean one thing, time for a lot of drunken parties, lounging around doing nothing in particular and eventually and very reluctently accpeting that I shall have to get a job once I begin to run out of money. As I write this its half time in the Germany vs. Latvia match in Euro 2004, I expect I'm one of very few people in England cheering on Germany, often in a match like this the whole nation become honourary supporters of the opposition. The English have always disliked the Germans and as far as I can see always will, no doubt there are very deep physchological reasons for this none of which I can be bothered to venture into now. Throughout the country theres a lot of rather messy upheaval regarding Europe and Britains place in the EU, something I feel quite strongly about as a person who considers himself to be 'European' rather than 'British' (this is because one of my grandparents is Irish the other German) and I feel particuarly strong ties to both these countries. I'm personally disgusted by the gains of the far right UK independence party at the European parliament elections last week for reasons I shall venture into after the second half of the football. Caio for now.rpTÞOK... Another day, another dollar. I didn't get to do much last night, because I was just so exhausted.. But, today is friday, so there will be some time free this weekend. In all likelyhood, there will be a party tonight, but that's allright. (Partying with friends is a portion of life. There will not be a post on my blog until monday at the earliest. If someone who reads this blog would like schematics or code I have written, feel free to contact me at: diskfly@online.norqTÙWell, last night I did infact make the PIC-Chip write "Hello World." on a 2x24 LCD display. (The display is controlled by the chip HD44780A00.) Since I have made this, it seems only natural to incorporate this into another project. I think I will make an alarm, or something like that. I will also be making a small robot (read this : RoBUG). It will be self-powered, and search out light and avoid obstacles. This is a project lying quite a bit into the future, but I will make it. The JAL language is the best thing that has happened to me since I discovered the TurboPascal language. Now I can write my own stuff for the PIC, instead of building projects already made by others. I believe I will be starting the alarm tonight, and working on it during the weekend. I will also document the project with schematics, code and pictures. I don't have a homepage for electronics yet, but this will be up and running at a later time. The address to my site will be posted here on my BLOG.rrT]I thought I might as well try this Blogging phenomenon myself. Read about it all over the Internet and thought why not... I will post info on what I'm doing with the PIC-Micro and JAL here. My latest project was interfacing the PIC16F84 with a 7-segment LED (the type that can display numbers.) Counting down from 5..0 and then holding the 0 for another 5 seconds, then starting the whole procedure again. Today I will start my next project, which will be to interface the 16F84 with a 40character -/ 2lines LCD display. I don't believe this will be a problem, but somehow I never know these things. GeirrsTöOK. So it's been over a year since my last post. To be honest, I had forgotten about this site, but now i'm writing again. I haven't had time to work on electronics or robotics lately, but I got the spark back a few nights ago. I have to teach myself everything all over again, but that'll just have to be OK. I will concentrate on electronics and robotics from now on, because I find that to be more interesting. My first attempt will be a WireRunner, adapted from one I found at Wouter van Ooijen's site. urlLink (http://www.voti.nl/wire/index.html) There will be some changes made to it, and I will document it all and post it on my website. (Not up and running for electronics yet.) On another note, I seem to remember the use of quite large capacitors in BEAM roborics. Most importantly in photo-poppers. 2200uF and 3300uF. I found a good and cheap source for these caps, and that is inside the powersupply of a normal computer. I collected 4 or 5 from an old powersupply I had lying around. I haven't made the RoBUG that searches for light yet, but when I feel comfortable with electronics again, I might give it a try. Hopefully it won't be over a year until my next post, but a couple of days. Friday's here, and a party I feel is the right thing this weekend.rtTHaven't written for a couple of days now. Been far to busy doing other things. Components is a nightmare to get hold of when you're a person, not a company. I have a company but that doesn't deal in electronics, so I'm not using that. I get so frustrated waiting to get the price of some components that's no listed in the normal pricelist. Guess I'll have to use used parts. I've learnt about BEAM, and thought I'd give that a try, because that's just a couple of inverters, transistors, resistors and some caps. I wonder what made Mark Tilden think of this in the first place. Friday today, and I'm not quite sure what the night will escalate to. A few beers with some friends, and maybe a trip to the golfcourse. Spent 4 hours there last night. Didn't leave until 12:15am. Getting up at 7:30am to go to work, wasn't a joy. Maybe see what I can get a hold of in used appliances, and take off some components. Need a walkman, or a small tape-player, because the motors in those are better than the ones I got now. I'll have to check a local "used things" store. There's a fleamarket tomorrow, maybe I'll find something there. I found the schematics for an EdgeBOT, I don't have a link right here, and I don't remember the name of the author. Perhaps I'll try to build that during the weekend. We'll see.ruT‰Ozkal answered me and the public today, in the forums at his robotics site. The idea was to play around with the resistor values on the base pin of the transistors. Being careful not to drop below 330Ohm, which would increase the use of voltage. Didn't get any testing done yesterday, because I spent two hours in the kitchen making dinner, and after that I went to the driving range of our golfcourt to hit a few buckets. It good to get some frustration out by hitting a golfball and see it fly 250++ meters. Another soulution to my SimpleBUG problem would be to use gearing, but that's alot of fitting problems, so servo motors would be a good idea. I just checked the lead supplier of model parts around, and one servo costs 114NOK. (That's over $17 USD.) Might have to see if I can find a source for used parts. That's not very easy here in Norway. Hopefully the SimpleBUG will run like crazy tonight.rvTÛAnother test done last night, and this time it was successful. I got the urlLink SimpleBUG working. The motors turned, and almost everything worked out great. The only dissapointing thing was: on the floor, the bug didn't move. When I lifted it off the floor, the motors spun like crazy, on the floor... Nothing. I guess not enough torque in the motors, but the motors are quite powerful. I have sent a message to ozkal, who built the simpleBUG, asking for advice. He's online right now (10:57 GMT+1 08.06.2004), so I hope to get an answer soon. Will post update. I have also started the work on my web-site, and will redesign the whole thing. Articles, images and I hope translated (and maybe new) tutorials will be on the site.rwTøOK. I did a small and simple test this friday, but that wasn't very successfull. I tried building the SimpleBUG robot from ( urlLink endtas.com/robot/ ). I didn't have photodiodes lying around, so I used normal LED's as sensors, and my electronics skills obviously needs work, because it didn't work. The motor turned, but at the same speed no matter what I did. (It's cheap to use used parts, but the result may be other than expected.) When I get home today, I'll try building a simple H-Bridge using 4 transistors and 4 resistors. This will drive one motor up to 50mA, and is more than enough for me. If I get that working, I'll try different things for interfacing a sensor, and thereby hopefully get a motor that turns faster if light hits the sensor. Some of you might say: "That's so simple. Can't believe he's having problems with that." Well, I have no education on the field of electronics, so the things I do know, I have taught myself. Will write tomorrow informing you of the result after tonights test.rxTüHmm, time seems to just fly by. I've found a tutorial I think will help me greatly. It's a written article in the norwegian edition of LinuxMagazine, called LinuxSchool. This article is written in norwegian, but I'll soon mail the author, and ask if I can translate it to english. If -/ and when it's done, I'll post it on my site, and write about it here. The article covers setup of DNS, Mail, News, SSH and a few things more I don't remember right now. It bases on a real live example-domain, and that's exactly what I was looking for. I'm hoping to achieve the following, based on the fact I only have a dialup: One machine acting as Router/Gateway and firewall. Another server handling all this other stuff. When connected to the internett, it'll retrieve all mail from my online hosts, and I can then read it all later, offline. It will act as my DNS server, asking the DNS' of my ISP for the info first. (Caching) I'm not sure about news yet, but I'll probably try it out. More about this will be on my web-site.ryT_I've had so much work lately that robotics has gone on hold. Not for long but some time. I registered a new domain just the other day. urlLink www.linuxboxonline.net I'm working on a new site, and as you might imagine, it will be about Linux. All the while I'm trying to teach myself Linux, and how to set up a server. This server will host preferably: DNS, DHCP, Mail, Web, News... I need to find a place to put the server, because I just checked with our supplier, and I live 150meters to far from the junction box. No DSL available. That's a bi**h. Anyway, I hope to get this working soon. Testing out on my home network first. Using Slackware 9.0 with standard 2.4.20 kernel. I'll have to upgrade to 2.6 kernel. Just have to learn how to do that first. If anyone reads this, and knows of a good tutorial online, or a book... Be my guest and urlLink mail merzTÆAnother weekend gone, and a few beers was consumed. That resulted in nothing much done at all. I have never the less designed a new site and put it out: urlLink linuxboxonline.net Only the design is there. Haven't put up any other pages yet. They will come, well over half the work is done now. Only have to create the individual pages. It's summer so among work, chores and random stuff, the time to do robotics and maintain sites is getting smaller and smaller. The latest stuff now has been painting the house. Not done in a day. A week, maybe. Anyway, the design is there. Haven't even had a chance to test a server config yet. If the rain continues, I might get a chance to test tonight. We'll see. Test results will be made available at my site. I've found yet another tutorial available. This one shows how to setup a WEB-Hotel with a few domains. That might help me. Written in Norwegian, but I might find the time to translate it, If the author allows me.r{T4My server is up and running (not online though) with DNS, WEB, web-hosting services, SSH, FTP. That's all I can remember now. Been trying to config Sendmail now, but having no luck. Just won't work. I have planned a reinstall of slackware during the weekend, and I think I will upgrade from 9.0 to 9.1 or maybe 10.0 if I can download it. I just got a tip to try using Postfix instead.. Should be heaps easier to config and get up and running. Have to try that over the weekend... I'll be thrilled if I get it up and running. Been thinking of a server like this for ages. Thanks to all the people on #slackware who has helped me, and all the people taking the time to write tutorials for us newbies out there. When I get a little more elite, I'll write a few tuts myself. Both in Norwegian (my native tongue) and English.r|TqFinally. I've had a chance to play with my server, and I've connected a small network at home. Late saturday night, I reinstalled Slackware 9.0 with only the bare essentials, and I started playing with DNS (BIND) and apache. I've set up apache before, so that wasn't the problem. Getting BIND to run, and VirtualHosts in apache was the pain. However some reading of a few norwegian tutorials, I fell back to a tutorial at urlLink linuxhomenetworking.com urlLink Chapter 6 is the exact location. This tutorial was great reading when I allready had read about DNS. If you've played with linux for a short while, and know the basics, this is the best tut I've found out there. They also have a lot more tuts on their site. The HOWTO and urlLink tldp.org written by Nicolai Langefeldt was to long, and contained much more info than what was really needed. That was only confusing. After fixing a few typos in the config files, BIND started and played like a charm. I changed httpd.conf to match my server name and other basic things. The next step was VirtualHosting. Everything was so simple when the basics was there. Now I have two domains running on my server. I'm not online with the server yet, but that will come. The next challenge is getting e-mail up and running for the domains. I'm using the Sendmail chapter from urlLink linuxhomenetworking.com Hope toget it all working soon.r}TœI've revived a hobby of mine that I haven't cultivated for some time now. Photography.. I've even put up a section on my website urlLink www.linuxboxonline.net about photo. My linux-server at home is now awaiting my upgradeing to Slackware 10.0, but that might be a while. I find less and less time to "fiddle" with my server. I did manage to get some time to take photos the night before last. Nothing spectacular, but I hope I managed to cature the lightning-flash I encountered. If I did, I'll post it in my gallery when I get that up and running. I also post to urlLink www.foto.no and urlLink www.photo.net when I have pictures I'd like to have others view.r~TMy family and I are going SanAntone for a few days- my dad and I will be riding coasters, while my mom and sis will probably be shopping and who knows what. Anyway, today is my sisters birthday, Happy 21st B-Day Kelsi! I'll talk to everyone again on Tuesday. Fitz:Out!rTŒurlLink Yahoo! News - Video Game Fans Dance Off Extra Pounds Being a big DDR fan myself, I know it really works. Screw the Atkins diet, DDR and eating healthy work great! I've lost about 10 pounds over the past 2 or 3 months. I play DDR about 30-45 minutes a day on Heavy, or about an hour when not on workout mode. It's all while having fun at the same time, not to mention how addicting it is!r€T!urlLink out-law.com - legal news and business guides Like I didn't see that one coming. Smart- Let's sue all our customers and wonder why CD sales are going down. You can see the ENTIRE hit list urlLink here . I could go on and on about this, but I'll leave it at urlLink use iTunes!rT0urlLink California senate approves anti-Gmail bill - News - ZDNet Stupid Stupid Stupid!!! I have been trying to get a gmail account for a long time. Why? Because this is the future of the internet. 1GB of storage- people should be praising Google for this, not complaining there is no privacy. Sure, gmail places a few relevant ads discretely on the right side, but how do you think they can give a gig of storage free? These ads are nothing new, you see them everytime you perform a urlLink google search . These crazy lawmakers have no idea what already exists on the internet that is a thousand times worse than a googlebot looking for key words in an email. Being a webmaster myself, I can tell you that if I wanted too, I could look at who has browsed my website, what OS and browser they are using, and even their exact location. But I don't do that, you know why, there are actual human beings that don't deserve to be treated like that. Google is the king of searches, and a model perfect company, and nobody should expect to change that, lawmakers included.r‚UüWow. Hasn't technology grown these days? I can now email myself to a special address and it automatically updates my blog. This is like what I did with my moblog, until I stopped paying for internet access. Hopefully I will keep it updated! Fitz:OutrƒUcThere's a first time for everything, but this about my fourth blog. I hope I actually use this one.r„UoThere is a bunch of lighting outside my window. its pretty ... and bright ... and flashing ... must catch ...r…TActually, I can wait. I'm not really looking forward HLA, Spanish III doesn't really interest me. Oh well, I'll get the credit. I have a pretty boring life now that it's theater 'offseason'. I spend more time on the computer than I should, but I still go outside or borrow the neighbors pool and go swimming. So yeah, not much to say. I mowed the lawn. I ate. I went swimming. I'm here now. I'll be in my bed in a few hours. There aren't very many controversial topics in my head right now. I don't need to vent, I'm just kind of here. Bye.r†T Hey everyone! I'm back from our family trip to San Antonio and it was a blast. We got there later in the day on Friday, rested a little bit, then went down to the river walk. We walked down one side, crossed over, then ate at an Italian place. It was my sisters b-day and the brought her Cheesecake and our waiter sang to her. We toured around some more then walked back to our room in the Taj Mahal. OK, we stayed in the Hampton Inn- small room, 2 very small beds, and no closet- It was fun trying to get ready with 3 other people. My dad and I went to Sea World at 6 in the morning. I rode Steel Eel about 10 times and Great White about 5. We went back downtown and picked the girls up, drove back to Sea World. We spent the rest of the day walking around and watching shows. We took the girls back to the hotel and my dad and I went to Fiesta Texas for some Exclusive Ride Time on Poltergeist and Scream! We had a great ride op named Gina that had a lot of fun with us and was very popular. Back to hotel. My sister had gone out with some friends that live in San Antonio and ended staying the night there. Mi Padre and I went back to SFFT at around 6am the next day (Sunday) and rode Superman:Krypton Coaster first thing for ERT. We then went on the cliff-top tour. This was a unique experience and very privledged. We watched SKC up on the cliff then went to where they fire off the fireworks for the Lone Star Spectacular. David Blazer (our escort and tour guide for the weekend) told us how most employees are not allowed on the cliff and neither is security- we were very privledged to go up there. More on David- he is the director of entertainment and is the responsible for getting the park the 5 Golden Tickets for Best Entertainment. He was very knowledgeable and gave us great hospitality. He escorted us around both days and gave us a lot of great information. Back to the trip report- After the tour we went to Armadillo Beach (the waterpark) for ERT on the newest ride- TORNADO. It is a huge ride and is very intense for a waterpark ride. The group broke up and my dad and I spent some time in the park. We ate lunch at a group reservation place and had a great lunch on silverware and tablecloths. The General Manager and director of ride operations ate lunch with my dad and I had so much fun. They told us a lot about their jobs and what to expect in the coming months from the park. They also told my dad and I some stuff I'm not allowed to tell anyone else- yes, there is A LOT of room where Joker's Revene used to be. I'll leave it at that. We then spent more time in the park. It was very hot, so we watched some shows. We watched the Lone Star Spectacular and stayed in the ampitheater while security cleared the park. We proceeded to Rattler and got one ride in, then it broke down, so everyone headed to Road Runner Express. I love this ride. It is a little short but is quite intense for it's size. I must have ridden it at least 15 or 20 times in a row. I also want to mention that Gina, our ride op from the night before, said she had so much fun with us from the night before she came back again. She guest spieled on RoadRunner and took a few rides next to me. It was a great night. We headed back for the hotel and went sleepy. On monday we packed up and went home. boring day. This was a great trip!r‡XATHE RACE BEGINS - THE 76TH ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS At the KODAK THEATER, Hollywood and Highland - California Sunday February 29th, 2004 PREDICTIONS IN THE MAJOR CATEGORIES by Rex A Okpodu Updated February 23rd, 2004 ---------------------------------- BEST PICTURE THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (New Line Cinema) Golden Globe Winner, Best Picture—Drama Best Ensemble winner, Screen Actors Guild 2003 This, of course, is the conclusion to the epic Tolkien fantasy trilogy about the quest for the ring. This is the favorite to win. Reasons for: It is overdue for a win, since it has two previous consecutive Best Picture nominations for the prequels—The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers. The trilogy has amassed 30 nominations (11 this time around) and 6 wins since 2001. The winner of the Directors Guild of America(DGA) award usually wins best picture(see: director category below) Reasons against: With so much riding on this conclusion to the already commercially successful trilogy, has it actually been worth the wait? The consensus seems to be resoundingly positive. But will the academy honor a fantasy film? It never has before, despite nominations for Star Wars (1977) and E.T.(1982). What’s more, Academy voters might resent their hands being forced by a sense of obligation. MYSTIC RIVER (Warner Bros.) This is the closest competitor to The Return of the King. It is a drama about childhood friends reunited by the murder of one of their children. Reasons for: It is turning out to be this year's critical champion, with a slew of citations from reviewers. Older members of the academy have been being buzzing about it being a gritty drama in the same league with films like A Streetcar Named Desire. It is Clint Eastwood's best work since Unforgiven and it has a terrific cast in Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Kevin Bacon, and Marcia Gay Harden. Reasons against: Like In the Bedroom (2001), it might be too dark for the more mainstream academy voters. Also, Warner Bros. is not very good at Oscar campaigns. SEABISCUIT (Universal/DreamWorks) Reasons for: It is a summer box-office champ that has sold extremely well since its recent release on DVD. Reasons against: Its Best Picture nomination might be viewed as sufficient reward. MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD (Universal/Fox/Miramax) This stirring action-adventure picture is about the strangeness of life on the far side of the world, set against the backdrop of the Napoleonic wars. Reasons for: This film has the backing of three Studios (Fox, Miramax, and Universal) which means a lot of industry votes and support. Despite his offscreen reputation, the academy loves Crowe, who has a history of powering a good film to multiple nominations—The Insider, Gladiator, and A Beautiful Mind in recent years. Also, epic, male-driven films do well at the Academy. Reasons against: If people want an epic, they’ll probably vote for The Return of the King. Finally, seagoing films do not often do well with the academy (Titanic was an exception.) LOST IN TRANSLATION (Focus Features) Reasons for: It might benefit if the academy decides to reward a comedy as Best Picture. It has a boost boost from critics around the nation. It would probably fare better here if it had been directed by a man. BEST DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Golden Globe Winner, Best Director Directors Guild of America, Winner at his third consecutive nomination. After one failed Best Director nomination in 2001 and a snub in 2002, Jackson is a major contender for a win with this final installment of the hobbit story. Reasons for:Won best director at the Directors Guild of America dinner 2004. The DGA winner has matched the Oscar winner for best director and picture ninety percent of the time since it's inception in 1948 The exceptions were in: 1948 Joseph L. Mankiewicz(A Letter to Three Wives) - DGA John Huston(Treasure of Sierra Madre) - Oscar(director) Hamlet - best picture 1968 Anthony Harvey(Lion in Winter) - DGA Carol Reed(Oliver) - Oscars(director and picture) 1995 Ron Howard(Apollo 13) - DGA Mel Gibson(Braveheart) - Oscars (director and picture) 2000 Ang Lee(Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) - DGA Steven Soderbergh(Traffic) - Oscar (director) Gladiator - best picture) 2002 Rob Marshall(Chicago) - DGA Roman Polanski(The Pianist) - Oscar Chicago - picture There is widespread agreement that he has completed a mammoth task and made a classic. In addition, the trilogy has been a tremendous money-spinner for the industry. Reasons against: His newfound commercial success (he is getting $20 million for his next project, King Kong) might be viewed as adequate reward. And he is still a Hollywood outsider. PETER WEIR, Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World Reasons for: He is a consistently good director and four-time previous nominee in this category forWitness (1985), Dead Poets Society (1989), Green Card (1990), and The Truman Show (1998). He is long overdue for a win, and this could be his year. Recently won the BAFTA and like last year's win by Roman Polanski,could be the start of a momentum Reason against: Academy voters always resent that sense of obligation to an overdue director. This year belongs to Peter Jackson and ROTK CLINT EASTWOOD, Mystic River Reasons for: There is widespread agreement that this is Eastwood’s best work since Unforgiven (1992). He is a Hollywood player with tremendous clout and star power. Reasons against: He has already been rewarded amply by the academy. A few people are turned off by the film's dark material. The academy might want to reward newer talent or someone overdue for the award.(see Peter Jackson - above) SOFIA COPPOLA, Lost in Translation Reasons for: The film garnered very good reviews and could be rewarded in this category, though Coppola’s much more likely to be honored with a screenplay statuette. She is a member of a well-connected filmmaking family—her father is Francis Ford Coppola. This is only the third nomination for a woman in this category in 76 years—Lina Wertmuller (Seven Beauties, 1976) and Jane Campion (The Piano, 1994) are the others. Reasons against: The academy has a gender bias in this category. And despite widespread rave reviews. FERNANDO MEIRELLES, City of God Reason for: This film, bringing the first nomination for this Brazilian director, has been acclaimed worldwide. Reason against: The movie does not have the added bonus of being nominated in the foreign-language category, as is usual with similar recent examples in this category, such as Life Is Beautiful (1998) or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, (2000), both of which won in the foreign-language category. BEST ACTOR SEAN PENN, Mystic River Golden Globe Winner, Best Actor—Drama Reasons for: This is turning out to be the Year of Penn. With two critically acclaimed films in his favor (21 Grams is the other, an AA win is a very strong possibility. And with three previous nominations in this category—Dead Man Walking (1995), Sweet and Lowdown (1999), and I Am Sam (2001), he is overdue for a win. Reasons against: His outspoken antiwar campaign could bring him some unwelcome backlash. His volatile nature could be his undoing during Oscar campaign time. He is unlikely to want to be seen as eager for academy recognition, which could alienate some. His surprise loss at the SAGs might indicate a loss of momentum Him not showing up at the Golden Globes did not help. BEN KINGSLEY, House of Sand and Fog Reasons for: Has got major buzz about his performance in this film. He may be due for another Oscar after two previous nominations in the supporting category for Bugsy (1991) and Sexy Beast (2001), with a win for the lead role in Gandhi (1982). Reasons against: Without a major push, this movie may be squeezed out. What’s more, it doesn’t have big box office. BILL MURRAY, Lost in Translation Golden Globe Winner, Best Actor—Musical or Comedy Reasons for: He has won many critics’ awards. He was overlooked for Rushmore (1999). His performance at the podium for his Golden Globe win was impressive and delightful. Reasons against: Despite the raves, the academy does not go for this kind of deadpan comic performance(at least the older members do not). Like Penn(above),was considered a shoo-in at the SAGs and his loss here might indicate a last minute loss of momentum. JOHNNY DEPP, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl SAG Winner, Best Actor Reasons for: He got raves and the movie was a huge hit in both the theaters and on DVD. His surprise victory at the SAGs indicates widespread support by the Acting branch who also make up the largest group at AMPAS. Reasons against:Despite the SAG award,the year probably belongs to Penn or Murray JUDE LAW, Cold Mountain Reasons for: He is a former Oscar nominee for Best Supporting Actor in The Talented Mr. Ripley. He managed to make the big five despite the poor overall showing by Cold Mountain. Reason against: He was a big-name SAG omission. BEST ACTRESS CHARLIZE THERON, Monster Golden Globe Winner, Best Actress—Drama SAG Winner, Best Actress Reasons for: The unstoppable frontrunner in this category - as indicated by wins at the Golden Globes and SAGs. She has the kind of role the academy likes in this biopic about a prostitute who was an executed murderess. Finally, as the past two winners in this category have shown, the academy absolutely adores women who play deglammed parts and who look great on the red carpet. DIANE KEATON, Something's Gotta Give Golden Globe Winner, Best Actress—Musical or Comedy Reasons for: She is a beloved Hollywood veteran who is a previous Oscar winner for Annie Hall (1977). This comedy about older characters should should play very well with older members of the academy. She is the sole American nominee in a lineup of foreigners and every time that happened in the past 75 years,the American won (exception - 1998, Judi Dench won best supporting actress in an all foreigner lineup in which Kathy Bates(Primary Colors) was the only American) Reason against: Like Sissy Spicek in 2001,the earlier momentum has vanished post - Golden Globes Keaton’s previous win is one of only five instances—the others being Glenda Jackson forA Touch of Class (1973), Cher for Moonstruck (1987), Helen Hunt for As Good as it Gets (1997), and Gwyneth Paltrow for Shakespeare in Love (1998)—of an actress winning in this category for a romantic comedy over the past four decades. NAOMI WATTS, 21 Grams Reasons for: She plays a flashy, Oscar-bait role in this gritty drama. She has rebounded from the setback of her noninclusion by the Golden Globes by taking the Los Angeles Film Critics’ Best Actress and scoring a nomination at the SAGs. Reasons against: The dark nature of the film and the current restriction on screeners. KEISHA CASTLE-HUGHES, Whale Rider Reason for: Her inclusion at the SAGs indicates strong support for her title-role performance. Reason against: At 13, she is currently the youngest ever nominee in this category since Isabel Adjani was a nominee at 20 for The Story of Adele H(1975) Very young nominees tend to win in supporting category. Recent examples are Tatum O'neal(10) Paper Moon(1973) and Anna Paquin(11) The Piano(1993) SAMANTHA MORTON, In America Reason for: The strong showing of In America in three major categories suggests widespread support for this former Oscar nominee for Best Supporting Actress for 1999’s Sweet and Lowdown. Reason against: Not enough people have seen the film. BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR TIM ROBBINS, Mystic River Golden Globe Winner, Best Supporting Actor SAG Winner, Best Supporting Actor Reasons for: The film's multiple nominations in major categories are a help. Plus the academy likes versatility—he has a previous directing nomination and even directed a win for his partner, Susan Sarandon, for Dead Man Walking (1995). Reason against: His political views, although he gave a straightforward acceptance speech at the Golden Globes. KEN WATANABE, The Last Samurai Reason for: His strong, sexy performance. Reason against: Aside from three technical award nominations, he is the sole beneficiary in a poor showing by this film. ALEC BALDWIN, The Cooler Reasons for: With his critics’ organization wins, he could be the dark horse in this category. Reasons against: Not enough people have seen the film. His bullying history with ex-wife Kim Basinger doesn’t help. BENICIO DEL TORO, 21 Grams Reason for: As with costar Watts, the SAGs have revived his campaign, as it indicates good support for this film by the actors’ branch, which has many votes in the academy. Reason against: He’s recently won an Oscar, for Traffic (2000). DJIMON HOUNSOU, In America Reason for: He plays an Oscar-bait role (a man with AIDS) in a film that has done very well at professional guild screenings.. Reason against: He has a very low media profile for an Oscar nominee and not being a Golden Globe or SAG nominee did not help. BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS RENEE ZELLWEGER, Cold Mountain Golden Globe Winner, Best Supporting Actress SAG Winner, Best Supporting Actress Reason for: Another Oscar chance (this will be her third in a row—in supporting category this time) for this nominee to get her overdue Oscar. The first SAG consecutive winner, 2003 - best actress (for Chicago) and 2004 - best supporting actress(for Cold Mountain) Reason against: The usual anticipated backlash against Miramax, plus the movie did not do well in Oscar noms. HOLLY HUNTER, Thirteen Reason for: A good offering from a seasoned actress, who is an Oscar winner (The Piano) and three-time nominee. She is a favorite on the indie circuit. Reason against: Will older/nonindie members of the academy bother to go see this movie? PATRICIA CLARKSON, Pieces of April Reasons for: East Coast indie-circuit queen has had a good year with this movie and The Station Agent.She may benefit from appearing on several critics’ lists nationwide. A double nomination at the SAGs shows momentum. Reason against: Will enough people have actually seen this film? MARCIA GAY HARDEN, Mystic River Reasons for: Fresh from her Oscar success in Pollock (2001), she delivers a tour de force performance in the biggest female role in Eastwood's critically acclaimed drama. She would definitely benefit if there is a sweep by the film. Reasons against: Her female role might get overlooked in this male-driven drama. Plus the academy might feel she has too recently been in the winners circle. SHOHREH AGHDASHLOO, House of Sand and Fog Reason for: She gave a wrenching performance in this small Oscar-bait role—she played a long-suffering, dislocated wife who endures family tragedy. Reason against: Lack of a SAG nomination indicates weak support among the important actors’ bloc of Oscar voters. FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM -------------------------------- THE BABARIAN INVASIONS (CANADA) Directed by Denys Arcand EVIL (SWEDEN) Directed by Mikael Hafstrom TWIN SISTERS (THE NETHERLANDS) Directed by Ben Sombogaart THE TWILIGHT SAMURAI (JAPAN) Directed by Yoji Yamada ZELARY (CZECH REPUBLIC) Directed by Ondrej Trojan BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY ----------------------------------- LOST IN TRANSLATION by Sofia Coppola IN AMERICA by Jim, Naomi and Kirsten Sheridan BARBARIAN INVASIONS by Denys Arcand FINDING NEMO by Andrew Stanton DIRTY PRETTY THINGS by Steven Knight BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY ----------------------------------- MYSTIC RIVER - Adapted by Brian Helgeland, based on a novel by Dennis Lehane II THE LORD OF THE RINGS - RETURN OF THE KING - Adapted by Peter Jackson,Fran Walsh,Phillipa Boyens and Stephan Sinclair based on  a novel by JRR Tolkien SEABISCUIT - Adapted by Gary Ross,based on a novel by Linda Hillenbrand AMERICAN SPLENDOR by Harvey Parker,Joyce Brabner,Shari Springer Berman  and Robert Pulcini CITY OF GOD by Braulio Mantovani ANIMATED FEATURE FILMS --------------------------------- FINDING NEMO (Disney,Pixar Animation Studios) Directed by Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich BROTHER BEAR (Walt Disney Pictures) Directed by Aaron Blaise and Robert Walker based on a screenplay by Steve Bencich and Ron J. Friedman TRIPLETTES DE BELLEVILLE,LES or BELLEVILLE RENDEZ-VOUS(Sony Pictures Classics) Directed by Sylvain Chomet based on her own ScreenplayrˆT‘xTUESDAY 27 JANUARY, 2004 - Oscar Nomination Morning -------------------------------------------------------------------- By Rex A. Okpodu Contributing Editor - Out.com London,United kingdom Watched the Golden Globes on "UK Living" last night at Sandra's(Sange) Was going to stay over but decided to rush back home and prepare for this morning since the Globes finished before midnight. I caught the last but one train from Turnpike lane to Baron's Court...In bed by 1am Up by 9am this morning. Got this email from BL(editor,out.com) saying we have to lead the story with something out-related...Charlize Theron(she is due the Oscar nomination for playing a gay(albeit none-sympathetic role) I guess he is right,afterall out.com is no Entertainment Weekly Went online to set and wait for the live broadcast from abc.com. The announcement comes up at 05.30(PST) i.e 1.30pm(GMT) Dominic rings to ask me how excited I am?..I am not amused! He seems to be more excited than I am...he thinks I am bottling it all up.... I guess he knows me too well Michael rings..I ignore his call... I think people are starting to irritate me by all these phonecalls...don't they realise I will like to enjoy the moments before alone? 1.00pm - Nothing seems to be coming up by way of a url for ABC.com Decided to switch to BBC - It looks like the announcement will be live on News 24 Lots going on as the Preamble to the Hutton Enquiry on the David Kelly suicide is also being expected Anna Ford mentions the imminent Oscar nomination on BBC News ... I have my live link up ready...the tv and computer are set to go...... 1.28pm - News 24 starts a broadcast - with a link up ready on one of their screens 1.30pm - We are live to Los Angeles as Sigourney Weaver and Frank Pierson start the announcements I am scribbling frantically even though I know the entire lists will be online in a few minutes. I am also on the phone to Sange and giving her a live relay Lots of surprises/shocks/etc 1.45pm - the announcement is over and I go back online for the full list I am amazed at such diversity...City of God for Best Director/Screenplay? Keisha-White for best actress? how come?We all thought the Focus Pictures was campaigning for her in the supporting category...obviously,the Academy thought otherwise since she did play the title/lead role Later in the Afternoon... I share the news with Michael and then Dominic...a part of me feels anti-climatic now the announcement is over I start on my blog edits as I have to get the write up to Brendan Lemon(out.com) for publication later today/tomorrow Evening - started reading all the post nomination debate on the web. The general consensus is that it is the best set of nominations for a long time. While some of the races are more or less sewn up (Rotk for best picture and director) others have opened...supporting actress,the screenplays,etc WEDNESDAY 28 JANUARY,2004 ---------------------------------------- My article(with a bit of editing) is now live on out.com albeit in the editor's column...I would have preferred it on my own page but technical difficulties exist preclude from giving that. More to read online Have to start on updates for feb...post DGA, BAFTA and SAG Came up with this statistic from the web..resulting from this year's acting nominees list.... Europe: Ben Kingsley (UK), Jude Law (UK), Samantha Morton (UK) Asia: Shohreh Aghdashloo (Iran), Ken Watanabe (Japan) Africa: Djimon Hounsou (Benin), Charlize Theron (South Africa) Oceania: Keisha Castle-Hughes (New Zealand), Naomi Watts (Australia) America: Johnny Depp, Bill Murray, Sean Penn, Diane Keaton, Alec Baldwin, Tim Robbins, Patricia Clarkson, Marcia Gay Harden, Holy Hunter, Renee Zellweger (all from the U.S.A.), Benicio Del Toro (Puerto Rico) And Races - Ben Kingsley (half-Indian) Benicio del Toro (Puerto Rican) Djimon Hounson (black West African) Ken Watanabe (Japanese) Keisha Castle-Hughes (half-Maori) Shohreh Aghdashloo (Iranian) THURSDAY 29 JANUARY,2004 ------------------------------------ More post nomination online reading FRIDAY 30 JANUARY,2004 -------------------------------- Still catching up with the post nominations online debate...am getting a bit irritated by all the talk about the none nomination of Cold Mountain for best pic or director...we all expected Minghella to be excluded from best director(having not been nominated by the DGA)..so what? Miramax still has the most nominations..still got the multiple nominations for City of God....talk about knocking one down when you have slipped down a bit! Too much is being read into it all...am sure Miramax will be back next year...am also sure the release date affected things a bit more than is being considered? Sean Penn is now going to the Ceremony on Feb 29th....good for him. It was a bad decision not to sure up for the Golden Globes...giving some lame excuse. Lets hope he has not destroyed his chances already He had better attend,Bafta,or DGA or SAG or even all three and lighten up ..if and when he wins Have to start compiling up the list of films to be seen before the ceremony Viewership...how many have I seen in the major categories? I have seen all Best pic nominees LOTR Seabiscuit M and C LIT and Mystic River Best Actor nominated films MR,HOSAF,CM,LIT and Pirates Best supp/ Actress - 4 out of 5..not seen Pieces of April(opens Feb in the UK) None in Best Actress 1/4 in best supp/actor...only seen MR Seen all in director category...ROTK,LIT,M and C,MR and City of God(own dvd) Adapted s/play..seen all but American Splendor Original s/play...all but Babarian Invasions Emailed Sandra with this list...such a short time before d-day SATURDAY 31 JANUARY,2004 ----------------------------------- More reading - post Oscar nominations Sent off some good reads to BL and DK for their perusal Sandra and I have decided to leave out The Last Samurai and Something's gotta give till she gets back from Skiing the week after next Leave out Pieces of April and A Mighty Wind for DK and I SUNDAY 1ST FEBRUARY,2004 ------------------------------------ Decided to postpone seeing A Mighty Wind with DK until next week due to scheduling of a business/social meeting today Planning a afternoon dvd screening of Whale Rider with Michael possibly - Monday MONDAY 2ND FEBRUARY,2004 ---------------------------------- Screening of Whale Rider dvd for lunch with Michael as planned Quite nice - could see how the nomination came about..Could also see why it would have been a travesty for KCW to be nominated in the supporting category as pushed for by NewMarket(studio) TUESDAY 3RD FEBRUARY,2004 ------------------------------------- New Bedroom dvd player arrived...very good Will now screen City of God and LIT/HOSAF Screening 21 Grams for thursday WEDNESDAY 4TH FEBRUARY, 2004 ------------------------------------------ Good write-up in Time Mag about this year's race...more on oscarwatch.com Fallout from the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake episode at the Super Bowl means that the Oscar ceremony might have a time-delay to prevent any embarassements (this is a death to spontaneity - which the Academy awards are famous for) Deciding on what form of updates to do on the race, post- DGA next week... best actress race has one American(Keaton) and the rest none American...etc....still mulling over it all..should include something in my blog tomorrow Started viewing series 1 of 6ftunder on dvd...lots of special features,etc Reminder - screening 21 Grams with Michael for lunch THURSDAY 5TH FEBRUARY, 2004 ---------------------------------------- Michael did not show so I continued with the first series of 6ftunder started last night..... Really enjoying it all. Double pleasure as series 2 started again on C4 last thursday Massage at 8pm,then more 6ftunder till bed FRIDAY 6TH FEBRUARY, 2004 ------------------------------------ Vanity Fair Hollywood edition came out on newsstands today.... looks good but why no Halle Berry on cover with other Oscar winning/nominated/up and coming actresses...why not? Jennifer Connelly(oscar winner on the same night as Berry is there as was Salma Hayek(nominee 2003) and Diane Lane (also nominee 2003) Even Gwyneth Paltrow (best actress 1998) was in the lineup Furthermore,everyone knew Ampas was moving up the nominations by a month...why did VF not add the information about this year's GG and Oscar nominees before going to print?...shameful!!!! I will be writing to them and to various online sites about this Screening 21 Grams alone this evening...in between making dinner and doing this diary DGA - tomorrow..saturday Preview email/update to BL stats - DGA matches Oscar from 1949 -1967 and 1969 - 1999 Note 1948 (Joseph L. Mankiewicz won DGA - A Letter to three wives John Huston(Treasure of Sierra Madre) won oscar 1968 Anthony Harvey(Lion in Winter) won DGA, Carol Reed(Oliver) won oscar 1995 - Ron Howard(Apollo 13) won DGA, Mel Gibson(Braveheart) won Oscar 2000 - Ang Lee(Crouching Tiger....) won DGA,Steven Soderbergh(Traffic) - oscar 2002 - Rob Marshall(Chicago) - DGA, Roman Polanski(The Pianist) - oscar i.e - 56 years of DGA less 6 years no match = 90% of the total time SATURDAY 7 FEBRUARY, 2004 ------------------------------------- Read this write-up in The Guardian by Cherry Potter about Sofia Coppola (the first American woman nominated in the best director category) Emailed Ms Potter with a couple of factual corrections to her article D and I went to the ICA to see a 6.15 showing of The Innocents(1961) lo and behold....it was sold out...damn!...and the very way the ticket took great pleasure in saying said those words.....so annoying! Each time I read my VF..am still annoyed at the lack of updated texts Recording Angels in America(the award winning HBO film) for Sange who is away skiing in Switzerland Before bedtime...having a glimpse at what we are to expect for Oscar 77(2005) Watching The Hours(2002) - winner of 1 Oscar - Best Actress at the 75th Academy Awards SUNDAY 8 FEBRUARY, 2004 ------------------------------ Post DGA - as expected peter Jackson(ROTK) won... Penn did attend...as well as sevaral others Sent in updates to BL at out.com Watched Smallville with DK at brunch Had drinks with a friend ...who happens to be the designer Julian Macdonald..he tells me confidentially, Liv Tyler will be wearing one of his(Givenchy) dresses and doing a major presentation at the Oscars(29th Feb) - I guess - introducing the clip for ROTK? Recording the last part of Angels in America More - The Hours..before bed tonight MONDAY 9th -------------------------------- Started viewing the weekend recording of Angels in America BL accepted updates but we will only be having one for out.com post-SAG on the 22nd(one week before d-day) TUESDAY 10th ------------------ Yet to finish AIA....really enjoyable. Oscar.org released the pics from Monday's luncheon...Sean Penn attended with his mother(good for him and his campaign) BL tells me he(Sean Penn) has been sounding off about Iraq again..story was not widely reported, so he is might still be safe from a backlash! 10.30pm Just got back from a screening of a Brazillian film at the BCA in London with Dom and Carlos - Deus e Brasileiro(God is Brazillian)..Nice to look at,had it's moments but did not quite take off Finished the last part of AIA finally..thn watched live from the red carpet at the Golden Globes with Joan Rivers(the mop) and her daughter,Melissa...Nicole Kidman looked and sounded awful..she is beginning to take herself too seriously(in my opinion) WEDNESDAY 11TH ----------------------- 11pm Saw "Something's Gotta Give"(Best Actress Nominee - 76th Academy Awards) with Sange...was witty,well styled and enjoyable but why do hollywood movies have to tie up everything with a bow right to the very end..leaving nothing to the imagination? Is it for the aaah! factor?..fairy tale endings and all that...it would have been a much better and more realistic movie had it ended with Jack walking down alone on the Seine and regretting what might have been...sort of like real life...... And did we really have to see them all living happily ever after with their grandchild and all that? More - The Hours...tonight THURSDAY 12TH --------------------- Catching up with reading matter from the web about Oscar 76 Sent out various emails updating fellow enthusiasts with word on - the above A rant-email sent about the current VF issue which Nathaniel(the film experience) says is "adoring" Did he get the same issue as me? Having Robert for lunch..must be off -to make lunch now Lunch was great! Still watching The Hours..before bed,managed a miserable 20 minutes before turning it off to sleep FRIDAY 13TH ---------------- Pre BAFTA email to BL...I am sensing a build up of momentum for Master and Commander at BAFTA(like 2003 - when The Pianist picked up Picture and Director...somehow the frontrunner status of ROTK is being threatened? On further analysis BAFTA is not as obliged as AMPAS to give Best pic to ROTK afterall they already gave best pic to the first part of the trilogy for 2001.... we'll see how it falls out for Sunday Managed another 10 minutes of The Hours...when will it end? SATURDAY 14TH - Valentines Day ----------------------------------------- Got a new Oscar book -The Complete Book of Oscar Fashion by Reeve Chace from DK Catching up reading from the web Ordered some of the now-available best picture dvds from amazon.co.uk - Grand Hotel,Mutiny on the Bounty and Mrs Miniver....also awaiting - The Great Ziegfeld...all expected by tuesday,17th Also expecting Dvd player for Nigerian trip (gift for cousins) After The Hours - Might start viewing best picture,actor and actress(winner or nominees films - I own) stretching years back for my " Eye on the Oscars" - 14 days to Oscar Night, viewing series They will be - The Hours(best actress winner 2002),Monster's Ball(best actress winner 2002) and then.... Best pictures winners : 1998 Shakespeare in Love ( best actress, best supporting actress and best supporting actor nominee) 1999 - American Beauty(actor and nominated actress) 2000 - Gladiator (best actor winner and supporting actor nominee) 2001 A Beautiful Mind (best supporting actress winner and actor nominee) 2002 Chicago (supporting actress winner + another BS actress nominee,nominated actress and supporting actor nominee) Note -Might add others (from the entire 1929 -2002 dvd collection) if viewing completes before Oscar night Saw a bit of Les enfants du paradis (1945) with DK whilst having dinner (to be completed later) The Oscar bug is in the air...TV is swamped with Oscar films just now...The End of the Affair(1999) is also on C4 It's main nomination that year was for Julianne Moore - best actress Sixth Sense (1999) is on ITV...seeing a bit of it and since it had nominations for picture,director supp actor and actress,etc...will add to my 14 days to Oscar night series Finally finished with The Hours before bed time.....great!! SUNDAY, 15TH FEBRUARY ----------------------------- Starting on a Bollywood film - Qurbani (1980) one of my Valentines day presents from D - directed by Feroz Khan - a gangster flick from the late 70s BAFTA at 9pm on BBC 1(live) So BAFTA came on at 9pm..looked good but the show was zzzzzzzzzz until the in Memoriam segment...and Sandra(on the phone) and I were almost in tears - especially when Katherine Hepburn came on the screen Scarlett J(LIT).......took best actress and looked so young and sweet! - wish she had gotten an Oscar nomination ROTK unexpectedly took Adapted Screenplay Then an upset occurred when Peter Weir(M and C) took best director confirming what I had been saying for the past couple of days...that M and C might pick up some momentum from the BAFTAs (just like Polanski did for The Pianist last year) ROTK took best picture though...(Last year - The Pianist took director and picture) Watching The American President - 1995 - nominated for best Original Musical or Comedy Score at Oscar 68 (with Michael Douglas and Annete Benning) tonight MONDAY,16TH FEBRUARY -------------------------------- Received the new dvd Machine ordered for my Nigerian cousins from Amazon.co.uk Post BAFTA reading/emails to BL and Sange Roger Ebert in the Chicago Times predictions,etc Starting to watch Oscar 74 ceremony on recorded Vcr (hosted by Whoopie Goldberg) to remind me of the last very "big" ceremony - in marked constrast to Oscar 75 (last year) which was quite muted due to the start of the Iraqi war some days before Big awards seen so far - Best supporting actress(Jennifer Connelly for ABM and supporting actor (Jim Broadbent for Iris)... plus other technical categories including The Jean Hersholt Humanitarian award given that year to Arthur Hiller - Presented by Ali Macgraw(she was 63 and still looked valentines day present from D so gorgeous) and Ryan O'Neal (previous best actor/actress nominees for Love Story(1970) TUESDAY,17TH FEBRUARY -------------------------------- Continuing with the Oscar 74 Ceremony ...Since march 2002, I have never been able to stop the emotion playing whenever I have watched that Halle Berry moment..... it is a mixture of tears of suppport + embarassement at her lack of control and restraint It was not just an acceptance speech, it was an operatic "aria" After Berry and Washington,I decided to listen to the rest and only go into the tv room when something interesting happened..it did not...I still cannot believe the Academy gave best director to Ron Howard(ABM) over the illustrious companies of Robert Altman(Godford Park) and David Lynch(Mulholland Drive) Finished with Oscar 74.... Might start with Oscar 75 later and afterwards start working my way back from my first Oscar ceremony on video - Academy Awards, the 63rd - 1991 ceremony Will be finishing Qurbani (on the Dvd machine) today and start on my Eye of the Oscar .....14 - day series - commencing tonight with - Monster's Ball (Best Actress winner 2001) Received the following dvds preordered from Amazon.co.uk (part of my best pic winners - dvd collection) Mutiny of the Bounty(1935) Mrs Miniver(1942) Grand Hotel(1932) Expecting tomorrow - The Great Ziegfeld (1936) WEDNESDAY, 18TH FEBRUARY ------------------------------------- Online reading.....some compilation prediction lists are being done by different critics/pundits Stateside Compiling list of nominated films scheduled for my viewing before Oscar night PIECES OF APRIL - Friday 20 Feb IN AMERICA - No longer showing in London - to be viewed on dvd THE LAST SAMURAI - Seeing between tuesday, 24th feb (with Sange) THE BARBARIAN INVASIONS - Seeing between 23 - 29 Feb 21 GRAMS - Viewing on a screener before the big night A MIGHTY WIND - Maybe THE TRIPLETS OF BELLEVILLE - Maybe MONSTER - Post Oscar if CT wins AMERICAN SPLENDOR - NGS BIG FISH - NGS BROTHER BEAR - NGS NGS - Not going to see Not yet released in the UK: THE TWILIGHT SAMURAI TWIN SISTERS TWO SOLDIERS THE WEATHER UNDERGROUND SQUASH (A) TORZIJA ([A] Torsion) ZELARY ASYLUM BALSEROS GONE NUTTY CAPTURING THE FRIEDMANS CHERNOBYL HEART THE COOLER DESTINO DIE ROTE JACKE (The Red Jacket) EVIL FERRY TALES HARVIE KRUMPET THE FOG OF WAR Back to the start of Oscar 75,ceremony... Saw "Girl with the Pearl Earring"( 4 nominations including best costume - Oscar's 76th) was very impressed with the way the storywas told...the art direction,acting,etc was very restrained - one could tell it was not a European production Watched a bit more of Oscar's 75th - always moving to Chris Cooper (best supp. actor) and Catherine Z. Jones(best supporting actress winner)...the former..all humble,tearful and heartfelt. CZJ's..completely caught off-guard revealing suprise at her far she has come in her career/life Chicago is doing well ..so far with wins for most of the technical categories as well as supp actress. LOTR- TT have two tech ones too....... Watched the documentaries on my new best picture dvds - Grand Hotel,Mrs Miniver and Mutiny on the Bounty. There is even a remastered footage from the Grand Hotel premiere....all with actual voices of some of the attendees like Norma Shearer,Clark Gable, Jena Hersholt, Irvin B. Thalberg and Louis B. Meyer Started viewing Monster's Ball (2001 winner of 1 Oscar - best actress - 74th Academy Awards) after completing my bollywood film - Qurbani (which ended with a suprising bang,in the english countryside no less!) THURSDAY,19TH FEBRUARY ---------------------------------- Lots of reading material from variety.com...Eye on the Oscar...the wrap Had to send a factual correction on the best actress category...Remember when? Variety had said inter alia - Katharine Hepburn was the first woman consecutive winner in the best actress category...when in fact Luise Rainer won best actress in 1936 and 1937 for The Great Ziegfeld and The Good Earth respectively. Emails on most of the Variety stuff to BL,Sange and Dominic. Started working on the compilation list for 2005 - The Academy Awards - 77th Converted most writing,diary entries,etc into blogs More on Oscar,the 75th.... best moments - Michael Moore's speech / the reaction,Adrien Brody's surprise win the set,the music,the host...all excellent and thoroughly enjoyable! Continuing with Monster's ball...quite harrowing scenes...when the Sean Combs character dies on the electric chair,when Leticia takes up her frustration on her fat son by beating him for secretly eating chocolate,the heath ledger character commits suicide after a row with his father.....more to come FRIDAY,20TH FEBRUARY Got a thankyou email from variety.com re - their mistake....they stand corrected Finally finished Monster's Ball...an even better film on a second complete viewing....and to think the film makers could have gone all hollywood and had lots of reaction shots of Leticia seeing the new garage,telling Hank about her find(the portraits painted by Musgrove),etc.... It was such a better film for it's restraint SATURDAY, 21ST FEBRUARY ------------------------------------ Continuing with Eye on the Oscar viewing series Commenced Shakespeare in Love ( winner of 7 Oscars including best picture - The 71st Academy Awards Pieces of April ( Best Supporting actress nomination) - I thoroughly enjoyed it... even cried at the end. D is a bit iffy about the conflict set up and resolution.... I loved it all SUNDAY, 22ND FEBRUARY -------------------------------- Finally saw The Last Samurai (nominated for 4 Oscars including Ken Watanabe for best supp actor - Oscar - 76th Good Costumes,Art Direction,etc...not too hot about the hollywood finish...why can't Tom Cruise die onscreen? Why do we have to have a happy ending where he gets the girl and so on.... Started Oscar - 63rd ceremony(first of the entire collection covering 13 years of Academy Award ceremonies 1990 - 2003) SAG tonight in LA...results in by the morning(GMT) Finished Shakespeare in Love + the special features MONDAY, 23 FEBRUARY - 7 days to go ----------------------------------------------- SAG results in at dawn....no surprises with the exception of Depp for best actor(doubt if this will impact the oscars though where,Penn and Murray are still the front runners...but one cannot underestimate the popularity of Depp... a surprise could be in store on Sunday Received final EW preview before Sunday's ceremony - from Stephen Ordered a back collectors issue of EW - Coverage of the Oscars Sent off updates to BL for Out.com A good thought/statistic from Sasha at Oscarwatch.com If Sean Penn and Tim Robbins win best actor and supporting actor (respectively) for Mystic River while ROTK wins best director and picture at Sunday's Ceremony - it will be only the fourth time in Oscar history that the top two male leads won from the same film and the first time without the same film winning for directing and picture Eye on Oscar series continues with......American Beauty(1999) winner of 5 Academy Awards including best picture - Oscar 2000 TUESDAY,23 FEBRUARY - 6 DAYS TO GO -------------------------------------------------- Continuing with American Beauty whilst ironing for my post Oscar- African/Nigerian trip. Completed AB + documentary on the making Commenced from 1990 - Dances with Wolves(winner of 7 Oscars including best picture at Oscar,the 63rd year) - with commentary by Kevin Costner and Jim Wilson Quite informative the amount of material,anecdotes,etc in the commentaries especially made 9 years after the film was released Continuing with Oscar's 63rd ceremony...quite good to see a 14 year old show especially now some of the presenters are dead or are much older,etc.....Sofia Coppola(nominee/presenter - best director/screen writer for LIT) - featuring prominently on Sunday's ceremony About to finish Dances with Wives then, The Silence of the Lambs/the 64th Academy Awards ceremony WEDNESDAY,24 FEBRUARY - 5 DAYS TO GO ----------------------------------------------------- A bit behind with my viewing as I am yet to complete DWW and Oscar's 63rd as planned Finished Oscar 63 and DWW....starting with Silence of the Lambs(winner of the top five Academy Awards at Oscar's 64th year -1991 THURSDAY, 26 FEBRUARY - 4 DAYS TO GO ---------------------------------------------- With only 4 days to go,I am now on a marathon viewing with my "Eye on Oscar" series . Completed SOL this morning - Still exciting to watch after all these years - cannot help but notice the feminist/ lesbian subtext existing in the film - the r/ship between Clarice and her roommate - the character played by Kasi Lemmons(that scene when they hear word of Lechter's escape(they had just finished from a shower or washing their hair and are examining the evidence as discussed by Lechter - the way the camera focusses on their faces when they use the words....."he covets,what does he covet?..he coverts what he sees everyday...." Ready to start this evening - Unforgiven(1992 winner of 4 academy Awards including best picture,director and supporting actor Starting with Oscar's 64th ceremony as I get ready for lunch at Robert's and possibly seeing Babarian Invasions (on of Oscar 76th's foreign film nominees) with Johnny Having spent most of the afternoon having lunch at Robert's and proof reading his child Abuse therapy thesis...did not feel like going to CG to see Babarian Invasions any longer...I might just give it a miss entirely and end up not seeing any of the foreign film nominees this year( I try to see at least one each year) However,Sange might be persuaded to see it with me on Sunday - so there is still hope Starting Oscar 64 tonight - after dinner Unforgiven before bedtime FRIDAY, 27 FEBRUARY - 3 DAYS TO GO ------------------------------------------- Still on Oscar 64 - just getting to the last 5 oscars which SOL swept - making it the only the third film since 1934's It Happened One Night and 1975's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest to win picture,director,actor, actress and adapted screenplay To think it is almost 15 years since that ceremony where the late Howard Ashman's Architect lover accepted the oscar on his behalf in front of on live TV - Only at the Academy Awards!!! Just realise there was no In Memoriam slot - I think it was first started the following year Concluded Oscar 64 ...will commence Oscar, the 65th year asap - to coincide with viewing Unforgiven on dvd at bedtime Final Predictions on out.com...quite pleased with this year's countdown - Grateful to BL at out.com SATURDAY, 28 FEBRUARY - 2 DAYS TO MIDNIGHT SUNDAY - OSCAR NIGHT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 08.45am - Catching up with last minute updates/predictions,etc from the web One quote caught my attention "In the UK, instead of celebrating something, there is a desire to knock it or find an angle that's salacious - I find it quite boring, but we have a society now that thrives on that." - Samantha Morton, Best Actress nominee for In America From 10am....viewing Unforgiven and a bit on Oscar 65...to conclude both this afternoon/tonight A minor diversion... Apocalypse Now is on Channel 4(never seen it) - will watch a bit or all of it tonight SUNDAY, 29 FEBRUARY - D-DAY....THE 76TH ACADEMY AWARDS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 07.00...Changed deskstop on computer to Charlize Theron/Oscar - "she thinks of little else" 10.30...Finished off Oscar 65th 17.15 - Screening 21 Grams Completed 21 Grams Oscar night guests arrive - Sandra - she is off to bed for a couple of hours Michael arrives and we watch Jonathan Ross's preview on film 2004 The actual show starts at 00.50 00.50 - The Show starts..... at last 05.15 - Finishes at last - Predictable Results The Morning after... 1 March ----------------------------------- A complete sweep by Rotk - tied with Ben Hur and Titanic - 11(none sweep - wins) and two other complete sweeps, Gigi (1958) and The Last Emperor (1987) - 9 wins/nominations stats from the show are as follows: FILMS WITH THE MOST OSCAR WINS The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King ( 2004)11 awards (11 noms) Ben Hur (1960 )11 (12) Titanic (1998) 11 (14) West Side Story (1962) 10 (11) Gigi (1959) 9 (9) The Last Emperor (1988) 9 (9) The English Patient (1997) 9 (12) SCIENCE FICTION/FANTASY FILMS NOMINATED FOR BEST PICTURE Dr Strangelove(1965) -Lost A Clockwork Orange (1972) - Lost Star Wars (1978) - Lost ET (1983) - Lost The Return of the King (2004) - Won THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY OSCARS RECORD The Fellowship of the Ring 13 nominations 4 wins The Two Towers 6 nominations 2 wins The Return of the King 11 nominations 11 wins The Entire Result --------------------- Best Supporting Actor: Tim Robbins, Mystic River Best Supporting Actress: Renee Zellweger, Cold Mountain Art Direction: ROTK Cinematography: Master and Commander Costume Design: ROTK Editing: ROTK Sound: ROTK Sound Editing: Master and Commander Visual Effects: ROTK Makeup: ROTK Score: ROTK Song: ROTK Animated Feature: Finding Nemo Animated Short: Harvey Krumpet Documentary Feature: The Fog of War Documentary Short: Chernobyl Heart Live Action Short: Two Soldiers Foreign Language Film: The Barbarian Invasions Original Screenplay: Lost in Translation Adapted Screenplay: ROTK Actress: Charlize Theron, Monster Actor: Sean Penn, Mystic River Director: Peter Jackson, ROTK Picture: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King I am completely exhausted by the season and leave for a two - week holiday in Africa (Nigeria) from 4th - 17 Marchr‰X­$OSCAR SPECULATION SITE...... THE ROAD TO OSCAR...THE 77TH ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS August 7, 2004   Rex A. Okpodu Contributing Editor, Out.com Best Picture - Five possibilities from the following: The Aviator (Warner Bros./Miramax) Alexander (Warner Bros.) J.M. Barrie's Neverland (Miramax) The Phantom of the Opera (Warner Bros.) Collateral (Dreamworks) Closer (Columbia) A Very Long Engagement (WB) The Passion of the Christ (Newmarket) Spanglish (Columbia) "Fahrenheit 9/11" (Miramax/Lion's Gate) Martin Scorsese's The Aviator emerges as the early favorite for at least a nomination and or win despite the fact that the Academy has snubbed him four times previously (Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, and Gangs of New York ). Oliver Stone's Alexander - Another 2004 Warner Brothers production with Oscar predigree and could be WB's option since Troy failed to live up to expectations J.M. Barrie's Neverland will be a critical darling, following in the footsteps of director Marc Foster's last film, Monster's Ball. The musical/comedy spot is between Disney's The Last Shot, with rookie director Jeff Nathanson at the helm and Joel Shumacher's The Phantom of the Opera. Taking over a 100 million at the box office(a record for a documentary) and general critical support, F 9/11 might be pushed in this as well as the documentary category especially if it starts appearing on several Critics Best Picture lists in the Fall Best Director - Five possibilities from the following: Martin Scorsese (The Aviator) Marc Foster (J.M. Barrie's Neverland) Mel Gibson (The Passion of the Christ) Jeff Nathanson (The Last Shot) Michael Mann (Collateral) Mike Nichols (Closer) Oliver Stone (Alexander) Mira Nair (Vanity Fair) John Madden (Proof) The Academy usually awards best director nominations to the Best Picture nominees, with the argument that if a movie is good enough to be nominated for Best Picture it has to be well directed. However, there is always one film that gets nominated that isn't a Best Picture nominee, and one suspects that it might be Mel Gibson for The Passion of the Christ. Best Actor - Five possibilities from the following: Jeff Bridges (Door in the Floor) Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) Leonardo DiCaprio (The Aviator) Colin Farrell (Alexander) Denzel Washington (The Manchurian Candidate) Johnny Depp (J.M. Barrie's Neverland) James Caviezel (The Passion of the Christ) Tom Cruise (Collateral) Liam Neeson (Kinsey) Bill Murray (The Life Aquatic) Jamie Foxx (Ray) With rave reviews for this role and being long overdue for a win, Jeff Bridges is the current frontrunner Leonardo DiCaprio might get his first best actor nomination, after getting snubbed for Titanic and Gangs of New York. Collin Farrell (Hollywood's up and coming enfant terrible) has been on the radar since Tigerland(2000) and this film with it's bisexual overtones from Oliver Stone could get the gay friendly vote and lead to a nomination Johnny Depp showed his popularity after his light role with Pirates of the Carribean led to a nomination last year, and his dramatic turn in this film could see him back again in Neverland Tom Cruise was snubbed last year and could return this year especially as this is a Michael Mann film where TC is acting against type (same as his last nomination for Magnolia in 1999) Kevin Kline's portrayal of Cole Porter's marriage is sort of gay without being too gay and is the kind of film palatable to the Academy's taste especially it gets several critics nods Best Actress - Five possibilities from the following: Anne Reid (Mother) Robin Wright Penn (A Home At The End of the World) Kate Wnslet (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) Gwyneth Paltrow (Proof) Emily Rosum (The Phantom of the Opera) Nicole Kidman (Birth) Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line) Cate Blanchett (The Life Acquatic) Joan Allen (The Upside of Anger) Annette Benning (Being Julia) Catalina Sandino Moreno (Maria Full of Grace) Andrey Tatou (A Very Long Engagement) Anne Reid is an early frontrunner with the critics and might get the Academy's nod at nomination time Robin Wright Penn makes the vote for a gay - friendly film also starring Colin Farrell. The Academy likes married couples in its circle especially since Sean won this year and might be presenting the award next year Nicole Kidman's problem Oscarwise is that she has many film roles but not all of them any good.She is a recent winner, was snubbed this year but might get a nomination next year if the film gets outstanding critical or box office recognition Joan Allen is an overdue actress and could get in if the film or her acting role is well received Annette Benning is another actress overdue for an Oscar and could be in the running again this year Reese Witherspoon, for the Johnny Cash biopic Walk The Line, and Emily Rosum for The Phantom of the Opera, might get in a round up an uncharacteristically weak Best Actress category. Best Supporting Actor - Five possibilities from the following: Peter O'Toole (Troy) Jude Law (The Aviator) Alec Baldwin (The Last Shot) Patrick Wilson (The Phantom of the Opera) Anthony Hopkins (Alexander) Gary Oldman (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) Dustin Hoffman (J. M. Barrie's Neverland) Morgan Freeman (An Unfinished Life) Jim Broadbent (Vanity Fair) Jamie Foxx (Collateral) David Carradine (Kill Bill II) Jude Law is the early favorite for The Aviator. Peter O'Toole and Anthony Hopkins stake claim for the older generation of actors. Newcomer, Patrick Wilson has an important role in The Phantom of the Opera. Alec Baldwin's nomination for The Cooler could help him get nominated for The Last Shot but do not discount Gary Oldman for the blockburster sequel, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Best Supporting Actress - Five possibilities from the following: Irma P. Hall (The Ladykillers) Kate Winslet (J.M. Barrie's Neverland) Angelina Jolie (Alexander) Toni Collete (The Last Shot) Monica Belluci (The Passion of the Christ) Cate Blanchett (The Aviator) Glenn Close (The Stepford Wives) Sissy Spicek (A Home At The End of the World) Natalie Portman (Closer or Garden State) Meryl Streep (The Manchurian Candidate) Irma P. Hall won this year's Jury prize (Acting) at the Cannes Film Festival for The LadyKillers (directed by the Coen Brothers) and might make the Academy shortlist next year The Academy loved Katherine Hepburn and they might love Blanchett's portrayal equally well. Kate Winslet hasn't gotten much love since Titanic, but critics should love her in Neverland. Monica Belluci had a powerful role as Mary Magdelene in The Passion of the Christ. Toni Collete has been nominated for The Sixth Sense and could get another for The Last Shot. After a string of unremarkable roles since 1999's win for Girl, Interrupted, Angelina Jolie, could be back with another nomination for her role in Alexander Best Original Screenplay Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind The Aviator J.M. Barrie's Neverland The Last Shot The Village The Life Acquatic The Terminal Unlike last year, which was dominated by Adapted Screenplays, 2004 should be dominated by the Original Screenplay category. Best Picture frontrunner, The Aviator is the favorite here as well. Best Adapted Screenplay Spanglish The Passion of the Christ The Phantom of the Opera An Unfinished Life Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban The Polar Express The Notebook In an unusually weak Adapted Screeplay category, Troy, The Passion of the Christ, and The Phantom of the Opera all are early favorites. The writing of Prizoner of Azkaban is much better than the first two films, so expect it to be a player. Best Animated Film Shrek 2 The Polar Express The Incredibles Shark Tale Home on the Range The inclusion of the Best Animated Film category has increased the number of animated films being made. The first Shrek movie won the first Animated feature film Oscar given for 2001 Shrek 2 has the reviews and box office success to be the first sequel to win not only a nomination, but a possible win in this category Best Documentary feature category "Fahrenheit 9/11" (directed by Michael Moore) Winner of the coveted Palme d'Or at the Festival making it the first documentary to win this prestigious award since Jacques Cousteau's "The Silent World" in 1956 Released to critical and box office acclaim in this election year, F9/11 is the first documentary to gross over 100 million Stateside and might even be a contender in the Best Picture category. The Hunting of the President (directed by Nickolas Parry and Harry Thomason) - Documentary portrayal of the ten year alleged right wing conspiracy against the Clinton Presidency. The Corporation (directed by Jennifer Abbott and Mark Achbar) - A Documentary showing the rise and domination of the Corporation in today's capitalist America OTHER FILMS TO WATCH OUT FOR (Assuming they meet the AMPAS deadline criteria) From Cannes 04 The Life and death of Peter Sellers (directed by Stephen Hopkins) - Best Actor The Motorcycle Diaries (directed Walter Salles) - Any nomination especially Director, Actor and Screenplay Bad Education (directed by Pedro Almodovar) - Original Screenplay, Director or any of the Acting categories Clean (directed by Olivier Assayas) - Best Actress winner at the FestivalrŠT€OSCAR'S CLASSICS Commenced, March 30 Having had a break from the Oscars and other film related events by taking a two-weel break in Africa, I am back in the UK and decided to keep this diary of DVDs viewed right through the year My Oscar's classics series would consist of Oscar nominated/winning movies I have acquired and recently viewed on DVD Selection is completely random HIGH NOON (1952) Recent viewing of DVD March 30 - 31 Directed by Fred Zinnemann Nominated for 7 Academy Awards including Best Picture Won 4 : Best Actor - Gary Cooper Best Film Editing Best Original Song and Best Score- Comedy/Dramatic DVD Special features: The DVD special features were very disappointing - one expected a lot more indepth examination of the issues raised by the film - there was even a factual detail were i.e Gary Cooper won his second Oscar for this film (not the first one as summarised by reviewer, Leonard Matlin TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD(1962) DVD viewed April 1 - 4 Directed by Robert Mulligan Nominated for 8 Academy Awards including best director and picture Won 3, Best Actor, Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Art/Set Direction (Black and White) Brief Notes on DVD/Special features The Special features were informative and very detailed - It is easily one of the best to accompany any film issued on a dvd. GOSFORD PARK (2001) DVD viewed April 6 - 8 Directed by Robert Altman Nominated for 7 Academy Awards including Best Picture Others were for Best Director, Best Supporting Actress (two nominations), Art and Set Decoration and Best Costume Design Won 1 - Best Original Screenplay - Julian Fellowes DVD Special features CITIZEN KANE (1941) April 19 - May 6 Directed by Orson Welles Nominated for 9 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Director and Original Screenplay Other were for Best Actor, Art and Set Decoration, Cinematography (black and white), Film Editing, Best Dramatic Score and Best Sound Recording Won only Best Original Screenplay but over the years has attained classic status as the Best American Film of all time DVD extras - The Battle Over Citizen kane (1995 Acadamy Award best documentary nominee - A complete historical account of the making and attempted killing of the film - Orson Welles vs Press baron, William R Hearst Contains complete interviews and newsreels by the major players involved in the project 60 years ago Two film commentaries - by Director, Peter Bogdanovich and Critic, Roger Ebert both illuminating the ground breaking film making style of first time director, Orson Welles. For instance - the use of scratched newsreel indicating age/realistic look. The innovative use of experimental cinematography,long shots,lights,handheld camera work, special use of light for the clear focus of fore and back ground shots during the entire film Citizen Kane was one of the first film's to use innovative special effects which was very ground breaking and very far advanced for it's time Most of the actors were from Welle's New York Mercury theater and were first time film actors THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962) DVD viewed May 7 - 10 Directed by John Frankenheimer Nominated for 2 Academy Awards - Best Supporting Actress and Best Film Editing Won - None Brief Notes on DVD/Special Features Decided to watch this one more time before the 2004 release of the remake starring Meryl Streep and Denzel Washington as directed by Jonathan Demme (Oscar winner for best director from the multi Oscar winning film, The Silence of the Lambs -1991) Original,chilling and full of suspense. It resonates very much with the prevailing political climate brought about by the current "war on terror" Extras features a short documentary/interview made in 1988 by the Director - John Frankenheimer, George Axelroyd and Frank Sinatra (all now deceased) in which Frank revealed how he sustained the permanent break to his finger during the fight scene with Chunjin (Henry Silva) Also features - Director's Commentary Nothing special other than the usual anecdotes on how wonderful the cast was on different shooting days CASABLANCA (1942) - DVD viewed May 11 - 13 Directed by Michael Curtiz Nominated for 8 Academy Awards including Best Picture Its other nominations were Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Cinematography Best Original Score(Dramatic or Comedy), Best Film Editing, Best Writing and Best Director Won 3, Best Writing( now referred to as Adapted) Screenplay, Best Director and Best Picture Number 2 on the AFI Best American film list DVD Special features include a detailed docummentary on the writing,casting and making of the film - presented by the screen icon, Lauren Bacallr‹T"GLADIATOR (2000) Directed by Ridley Scott A Roman general is betrayed and his family murdered by a corrupt prince, he comes back to Rome as a gladiator to seek revenge The film that brought back the Greco/Roman toga epic Nominated for 12 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Cinematography, Best Sound, Best Special Effects, Best Costume Design, Best Art and Set Decoration, Best Editing, Best Original Score and Best Original Screenplay. Won 5 including Best Picture, Actor - Russell Crowe, Costume Design,Special Effects and Sound Was honoured in a highly competitive year. Other contenders/winners included CROUCHING TIGER,HIDDEN DRAGON,ERIN BROCKOVICH AND TRAFFIC - each came away with major wins apart from Best Picture DVD special Features Feature length Making of the film documentary with interviews with the director,Ridley Scott, Russell Crowe,among others Also contains the Making of the Music for the film Production diary by Spencer Treat Clark who plays the little boy, LuciusrŒTQTHE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH (1952) Directed by Cecil B. DeMille Nominated for 5 Academy Awards Won 2 - Best Picture and Best Writing, Motion Picture Story In my opinion,this is one of those times when the Academy's choice for the year does not hold up. How SHOW could have picked up Best Picture over HIGH NOON (nominated in 7 categories including Best Picture) is anyone's guess It is possible that the Studio System (was coming into it's climax in the early 1950s) helped Cecil B. DeMille's pet project prevail over the others My opinion is that it was a safe family movie about art and work that touched a 1950s nerve. It was certainly less controversial than HIGH NOON which had the McCarthysim subtext and was had it's screenplay adapted by Carl Foreman (one of the blacklisted members of the Hollywood community) Special Features - NonerTKTHE RED SHOES (1948) Directed by Michael Powell and Emeric Pressbuger Nominated for 5 Academy Awards including Best picture and (then described as) Best Writing (Motion Picture) Won 2, Best Art - Set Decoration, Color and Best Music Scoring of a Dramatic or Comedy Picture A Powell and Pressburger Classic. described as one of the most innovative and beautiful works of the cinema. DVD Special Features - Documentary profile of the Red Shoes including interviews with renowned Cinematographer, Jack Cardiff - Recipient of the Honorary Academy Award(2000) Considered a daring lift for the Post WW2 cinema era. Innovative technic used has often been cited by contemporary filmmakers such as Spielberg,Coppola and Scorcese as having a strong on their work Was not well received at first due to it's dark content. Ballet was regarded at an aspirational art form not suited to be dealt with in such a shocking and tragic way as shown by TRS. Even the tragic accident at the end of the film - the vivid imagery of the bloodied stockings by our heroine was considered too shocking for young viewers.rŽT;GRAND HOTEL (1932) Directed by Edmund Goulding Nominated/Won the Academy Award for Best Picture The first and only film to have a sole nomination and only win in this category DVD Special features - The Making of Documentary - Checking out : Grand Hotel Brief Notes - a brief informative narrative on the transfer to broadway and then to film of the Vicki Baum novel - Menschem in Hotel financed by MGM under the production of Irving Thalberg. It was to be an all star cast,quite a novel idea for the time. The cast includes Greta Garbo,John Barrymore, Wallace Berry, Joan Crawford and others under the direction of Edmund Goulding Lots of behind the scene information about Garbo's acting style,the Garbo/Barrymore onscreen chemistry and the fact that Garbo even allowed cameras behind the scene during breaks from filmingrT OF HUMAN BONDAGE (1934) Directed by John Cromwell Nominated for 1 (write-in) Academy Award - Best Actress (Bette Davis) Word is that she won her first Academy Award the following year (DANGEROUS) due to this oversight Brief Notes on DVD Bette Davis debut(co-lead) performance...was a very strong and emotional film. Ground breaking for it's time and in some places quite shocking! (the scene where the camera pans up from her bottom as she admires her new dress in the mirror)....Must have been pre "the Hayes Code"rT6ELIZABETH (1998) Directed Shekhar kapur A film of the early years of the reign of Elizabeth I of England and her difficult task of learning what is necessary to be a strongand successful monarch in 16th century England Nominated for 7 Academy Awards including Best Picture Its other nominations were for: Best Actress Best Art Direction-Set Decoration Best Cinematography Best Costume Design Best Makeup and Best Music, Original Dramatic Score Won 1 - Best Makeup DVD Special Features : Interviews with cast and crew Behind the scenes, the making of Elizabethr‘TµMYSTIC RIVER (2003) Directed by Clint Eastwood Based on the best selling novel by Dennis Lehane, which tells the story of Childhood friends Jimmy Marcus (Sean Penn), Sean Devine ( Kevin Bacon) and Dave Boyle (Tim Robbins) reunite following the death of Jimmy's oldest daughter, Katie (Emily Rossum). Sean's a police detective on the case, gathering difficult and disturbing evidence; he's also tasked with handling Jimmy's rage and need for retribution. Nominated for 6 Academy Awards including Best Picture and Best Director Won 2, Best Actor (Sean Penn) and Best Supporting Actor (Tim Robbins) Made Academy history by being only the first time that the top two male leads won Oscars from the same film without that film winning Best Director and/or Best Picture It is also the first movie to win the Academy's "Best Actor" and "Best Supporting Actor" category since Ben-Hur (1959) and only the fourth film to have done so in the Academy's history. The others were: Going My Way (1944) - Best Actor (Bing Crosby) and Best Supporting Actor (Barry Fitzgerald) The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) - Best Actor (Federic March) and Best Supporting Actor (Harold Russell) Ben Hur (1959) - Best Actor (Charlton Heston) and Best Supporting Actor (Hugh Griffith) DVD Special features: Two Making of Documentaries: Mystic River, Beneath the Surface and Mystic River, From Page to Screen The Charlie Rose interviews with Clint Eastwood, Sean Penn and Tim Robbinsr’TíA PLACE IN THE SUN (1951) Directed by George Stevens A tragic family drama based on the novel by Theodore Dreiser : An American Tragedy which was itself based on the celebrated 1900 murder case of a man named Gillette, a poor relative of a rich family of the same name was convicted of drowning his pregnant working class girlfriend It starred Montgomery Clift, Elizabeth Taylor and Shelley Winters amongst others Nominated for 9 Academy Awards including Best Picture Won 6 - Best Director, George Stevens Black and White Cinematography, Costume, Film Editing, Screenplay and Original Score DVD Special features: A documentary on the legendry director, George Stevens: His Place in the Sun with contributions from his son, George Stevens Jr, Elizabeth Taylor and Shelly Winters Interviews on the work of George Stevens with contributions from film makers such as Robert Wise, Alan J Pakula, Warren Beatty, Fred Zinnemann and others Commentary soundtrack with George Stevens Jr and Ivan Moffatr“TŽSUSPICION (1941) Directed by Alfred Hitchcock Starring Joan Fontaine and Cary Grant, it tells the story of a woman who thinks her husband is trying to kill her Nominated for 3 Academy Awards including Best Picture Won 1, Best Actress - Joan Fontaine Joan Fontaine is the only Actor or Actress to have won an acting Academy Award in a film directed by the great cinematic icon, Alfred Hitchcockr”TYALL THE KINGS MEN (1949) Directed by Robert Rossen A film about how power corrupts. The rise of Willie Stark to the political spotlight and the price he and everyone around him pays. Nominated for 7 Academy Awards including Best Picture Won 3, Best Picture, Best Actor Broderick Crawford and Best Supporting Actress for Mercedes McCambridger•TÃA STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1951) Directed by Elia Kazan Based on Tennessee Williams Broadway play, with the principal cast played by Marlon Brando, Vivien Leigh, Kim Hunter and Karl Malden. It tells the story of Blanche Dubois, a neurotic fading Southern beauty seeking a place in the world for herself Nominated for 12 Academy Awards, 4 for the principal cast, Director, Original Screenplay, Picture and 5 others Created Oscar history winning three of the four acting nominations, the only film to have done since Best Actress - Vivien Leigh, Best Supporting Actor - Karl Malden and Best Supporting Actress - Kim Hunter Widely tipped to sweep the board at the Academy Awards that year, Streetcar lost its nominations for Best Director and Picture, the former was won by George Stevens for A PLACE IN THE SUN and the latter by the musical, AN AMERICAN IN PARIS Marlon Brando also lost out in the Best Actor category to Humphrey Bogart (THE AFRICAN QUEEN)r–TõCHINATOWN (1974) Directed by Roman Polanski A dirty family secret, corrupt town hall politics, it all comes to a head in Polanski's film noir set in and around Los Angeles, California It starred Jack Nicholson, Faye Dunaway and John Huston amongst others. It is now heralded as one of best films made in the 1970s Nominated for 11 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Director, Actor, Actress,etc Won just one, for Robert Towne's Original Screenplay. Timing probably worked against it. Another contender that year was The Godfather, Part 2 (the eventual winner) and three others DVD Special features 25th Year Anniversary Retrospective Interviews with Roman Polanski Robert Towne and Robert Evans..... on the scripting and shooting of the filmr—TïCABARET (1972) Directed by Bob Fosse About life in and out of the Kit Kat club in decadent 1931 Weimer, Berlin. It starred amongst others Liza Minelli as Sally Bowles, Michael York and Joel Grey as the Master of ceremonies Nominated for 10 Academy Awards including Best director and picture. Won 8 in total, Best Director - Bob Fosse, Best Actress - Liza Minelli, Best Supporting Actor - Joel Grey, Cinematography, Film editing, Score, Art/Set Decoration and Sound Cabaret is unique for being the only film to date, to have won the highest number of wins in it's year without winning the Best Picture award DVD special features Two documentaries, The 1997 documentary, A Legend in the Making and the 1972 documentary, The Recreation of an Erar˜TxBARRY LYNDON (1975) Directed by Stanley Kubrick Sweeping period romance/tragedy based on the classic novel by William Makepeace Thackeray with Ryan O'Neal in the title role Nominated for 7 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Director and Adapted Screenplay. Won 4 - Cinematography, Original Score, Costume Design and Best Art/Set direction DVD special feature - Noner™T¤DAS BOOT (1981) Directed by Wolfgang Petersen Highly acclaimed German submarine war film where the hunters become the hunted Nominated for 6 Academy Awards including Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Director, Cinematography, Best film Editing, Sound and Sound Effects Editing It won none DVD Special Features Director's commentary soundtrack Extended trailer on the Making and Restoration of Das Boot - Director's cutršT‹MILDRED PIERCE (1945) Directed by Michael Curtiz The Story of a doting mother/housewife,left by her cheating husband, beomes a career woman to look after her family to the disapproval of her ungrateful/status conscience daughter She would do anything for the love of that daughter,Veda - Marry a man she did not love for his family name and take the rap for a murder she did not commit After being an MGM star in the 1930s,Joan Crawford's career was in decline when she screen tested made a comback with PIERCE by delivering a tour de force performance earning herself the first and only win of three nominations in her career Nominated for 6 Academy Awards including Best Picture,Actress and Original Screenplay Won 1 - Best Actress, Joan Crawford DVD Special Features includes a Documentary narrated by Oscar winner, Angelica Huston on the life and career of the ultimate movie star, Joan Crawfordr›T THE LAST EMPEROR (1987) Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci The sumptious epic story of Pu Yi, the last emperor of China Was nominated/won 9 Academy Awards Best Picture Director Adapted Screenplay and 6 others One of only three films in Academy history to have had a clean sweep in it's year. The other two were GIGI (1958) and the recently lauded,THE LORD OF THE RINGS - THE RETURN OF THE KING (2004) Like those other films, none of it's nominations were in the Acting categories No Subtitles or DVD Special featuresrœTvTHE GOOD,THE BAD AND THE UGLY (1966) Directed by Sergio Leone Starring Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef and Eli Wallach. With lots of plot twists and turns, told against the backdrop of the American Civil War, it is the tale of three gunmen who set out to find a hidden fortune No Academy Award nominations DVD Special Features: Two documentaries, the first on the style of Sergio Leone with contributions from Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach and the writer/film critic, Richard Schickel The second is a Documentary "The Man Who Lost the Civil War" Also present are deleted and restored scenes from the original Italian ReleaserTªTHE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971) Directed by William Friedkin A true story, film adaptation of a drug smuggling chase with a french connection Nominated for 9 Academy Awards One of only a handful thrillers that won the Academy's biggest Award of the year Won 5 in total including Best Picture, Best Actor - Gene Hackman Best Director - William Friedkin Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Film Editing DVD Special features.... 2 Audio Commentaries by the film's director,Friedkin and it's actors Hackman and Scheider Also included are two documentaries,The Poughkeepsie Shuffle for the BBC documentary and another, Making the Connection documentary about the shooting of the filmržToKLUTE (1971) Directed by Alan J. Pakula Nominated for 2 Academy Awards,Best Actress and Best Original Screenplay Won 1 - Best Actress, Jane Fonda A Spellbinding love Story/thriller set in 1970s New York City about a prostitute being stalked and the detective assigned to her case played by Donald Sutherland DVD Special features - Shooting KLUTE in New York CityrŸT¦TRAFFIC (2000) Directed by Steven Soderbergh Nominated for 5 Academy Awards including Best Picture Won 4 : Best Director (Steven Soderbergh was a dual nominee for ERIN BROCKOVICH) Best Adapted Screenplay Best Supporting Actor - Benecio Del Toro and Best Film Editing Viewed as one of the most realistic Film about the Drugs Wars/Social use recently made. With a stellar ensemble cast,it was in stiff competition with the other two nominees for the Best Picture of 2000 - GLADIATOR AND ERIN BROCKOVICH DVD Special features contain a brief Making of the film featurette containing interviews by cast members including Michael Douglas, Benecio Del Toro and Catherine Zeta Jonesr T¢TAXI DRIVER (1976) Directed by Martin Scorcese Nominated for 4 Academy Awards including Best Picture Won none - Taxi was probably considered too dark for the taste of Academy voters at the time Martin Scorcese's modern masterpiece and made even more famous by the fact that the would be-Assassin of President Reagan claimed to her done his deed out of love for Jodie Foster (one of the co-stars in the film) Has attained cult status as one of the best contemporary films ever made Described by one review as "Pivotal,disturbing and endlessly watchable" The Score by the late Bernard Herrmann (who died at the completion of this score) is one of the best ever recorded for a film DVD Special Features A feature length making of Taxi Driver documentary with interviews with the director and Screenwriter Paul Schrader,actors including Jodie Foster, Robert De Niro, Cybil Shepherd, Harvey keitel, Peter Boyle and Albert Brooksr¡TðMUTINY OF THE BOUNTY (1935) Directed by Frank Lloyd Nominated for 8 Academy Awards Won just one, for Best Picture This 1935 version starred Charles Laughton (Captain William Bligh) and Clark Gable( Lt. Fletcher Christian) is easily the best of the bunch and as a testament to it's fame, has had two remakes made The second, also called MUTINY OF THE BOUNTY was directed by Lewis Milestone and Carol Reed(uncredited) in 1962 with Trevor Howard ( Captain Bligh) and Marlon Brando as the adversary, Lt. Fletcher Christian. It was also nominated for 7 Academy Awards including Best Picture,but won none The latest remake titled BOUNTY (1984) starred Anthony Hopkins as Captain Bligh with Mel Gibson as Lt. Christian No Academy Award Nominations or Awards. Special Features - Vintage documentary about Pitcairn Islandas it stands today (the final place where Fletcher Christian and his fellow mutineers settled) Short clip of the 1936 Academy Awards Ceremony. BOUNTY was announced best picture of the yearr¢TØONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST (1975) Directed by Milos Foreman Film based on the novel by Ken Kesey about a man, Patrick McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) sent to a mental hospital finds the head nurse , Nurse Mildred Ratched (Louise Fletcher) a lot more dangerous than the other patients. Nominated for 9 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Cinematography, Best Editing and Best Original Score Won 5, Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress and Best Adapted Screenplay Made Academy history by being only the second time, the year's Best Picture won all 5 major categories. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1936) was the first and these were later joined by THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991) One of 7 films with wins in the Best Actor and Actress categories IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1936) ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST (1975) NETWORK (1976) COMING HOME (1978) ON GOLDEN POND (1980) THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991) and AS GOOD AS IT GETS (1997) DVD Special features Feature Length Commentary by Milos Foreman, with contribution from Michael Douglas (one of the film's Producers) The Making of One Flew Over the Cuckooo's Nest Documentaryr£T„DAY FOR NIGHT (1973) Directed by Francois Truffaut A film company at work - the shooting of "Je Vous Presente Pamela" The story of en english married wife falling in love and running away with the father of her French husband. Nominated for 4 Academy Awards in 1974 and 1975 including Best Foreign Film, Best Director, Best Supporting Actress and Best Original Screenplay Won in 1974 - Best Foreign Film (France) Won the nominations (above) the following year when it was released in the United States, thereby qualifying for consideration in all categories except the Foreign Language Film category (AMPAS rules) DVD Special features: 4 Documentaries An Appreciation of Truffaut by his biographer, Annette Insdorf Day for Night, A Conversation with Jacqueline Bisset La Nuit Americaine - The French Connection featuring interviews with co - stars Nathalie Baye, Dani and Bernard Menez and Editor Yann Dedet Truffaut in the USA, with Insdorf, Actor/Producer Bob Balaban and Journalist Todd McCarthy Also includes vintage 1973/74 Materials: The Making of Piece: Truffaut, A View from Inside and An Interview from the 1973 Cannes Film Festivalr¤T´REBECCA (1940) Directed by Alfred Hitchcock Based on the Daphne Du Maurier novel published in 1938 A naive young woman (Joan Fontaine) marries a rich widower (Laurence Olivier), they settle in his gigantic mansion, where she finds the memory of the first wife maintaining a grip on her husband and the servants. A film encompassing methodical direction, startling plot twists, subtle chilling scenes and superb performances Nominated for 11 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Adapted Screenplay Best Art Direction (Black and White) Best Cinematography (Black and White) Best Special Effects Best Film Editing Best Original Score Won 2, Best Picture and Best Cinematography (Black and White) Special features: Audio commentary by film scholar Leonard J. Leff, author of "Hitchcock and Selznick" Mr Leff's 1986 phone interviews with Judith Anderson and Joan Fontainer¥T¸THE THIRD MAN (1949) Directed by Carol Reed Based on a screenplay by Graham Greene Film-Noir masterpiece thriller about betrayal and corruption in post-war, occupied Vienna. An American popular fiction writer, Holly Martins (Joseph Cotten) arrives in Vienna on the invitation of his friend, Harry Lime (an uncredited Orson Welles) who his finds dead under mysterious circumstances. The ensuing mystery entangles him in Harry's involvement in the black market, the multinational police, and his Czech girlfriend. Nominated for 3 Academy Awards including Best Director, Best Film Editing and Best Cinematography (Black and White) Won 1, Best Cinematography (Black and White) DVD Special features: Joseph Cotton's alternative voiceover for the US version Archival footage of Composer, Anton Karas Archival footage of the film's famous sewer chase location Lux Radio Theatre adaptation of the Third Man Harry Lime Radio play "A Ticket to Tangiers"r¦T%AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS (1956) Directed by Michael Anderson Based on the novel "Le Tour du monde en quatre-vingts jours" by Jules Verne A Victorian Englishman, Phileas Fogg (David Niven) who bets that with the new steamships and railways he can do what the title says. This is the second Todd-AO production (the first was Oklahoma! (1955)) shot twice, first at 24 fps (to produce the general-release version in 35 mm) and finally at 30 fps (to produce the roadshow version in 70 mm). The 35 mm version is presented in conventional 2:1 squeeze anamorphic process. The 70 mm version is presented in Todd-AO. The first film to use famous stars in small roles know as "cameos" Nominated for 7 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Art Direction-Set Decoration - Color Best Costume Design - Color Best Cinematography - Color Best Film Editing Best Music, Scoring of a Dramatic or Comedy Picture Won 5, Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Cinematography - Color, Best Film Editing and Best Music, Scoring of a Dramatic or Comedy Picture Tied with One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) for the longest title of an Oscar winner for Best Motion Picture until the 2004 win by The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King DVD Special Features: Brief introduction by TCM host, Robert Osborne An in depth feature-length audio commentary by BBC Radio's Brian Sibley 1968 Profile - Around the World of Mike Todd, narrated by Orson Wells with contributions from Elizabeth Taylor, Gypsy Lee. Ethel Merman and othersr§TvTHE GRADUATE (1967) Directed by Mike Nichols A young man's post college uncertainty, set against middle-aged insecurity. Tired of being the golden boy for his parents' friends, college track star, Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) embarks upon an affair with the wife of his father's partner, Mrs Robinson (Anne Bancroft). Benjamin is also seeing her daughter, Elaine, played by Katherine Ross. Nominated for 7 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor Best Actress Best Supporting Actress Best Cinematography Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium The only win was in the category of Best Director Perhaps as a compensation for the previous year when Mike Nichols was one of the 13 nominations earned by Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf which he lost to Fred Zinnemann (A Man Of All Seasons) His victory was at the expense of Norman Jewison (In The Heat of The Night), the year's Best Picture DVD Special Features Documentary on the making of The Graduate with interviews with: Buck Henry Dustin Hoffman Katherine Ross and Lawrence Turman Exclusive interview with Dustin Hoffmanr¨TzWHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF (1966) Directed by Mike Nichols Film based on the Broadway play by Edward Albee, written for the screen by Ernest Lehman A night of fun and mind games with two college professors and their wives Starring Elizabeth Taylor (Martha) and Richard Burton (George), with George Seagal (Nick) and Sandy Dennis (Honey) It was an unlikely casting of the 33 year old beauty as the frumpy, middle-aged, spiteful Martha but Elizabeth gave a performance which astounded her doubters and won her the best reviews of her career Nominated for 13 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor Best Actress Best Supporting Actor Best Supporting Actress Best Art Direction-Set Decoration, Black-and-White Best Cinematography, Black-and-White Best Costume Design, Black-and-White Best Film Editing Best Music, Original Music Score Best Sound Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium Won 5 - Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Art Direction/Set Decoration, Best Cinematography and Best Costume Design DVD Special Features - Audio Commentary by Cinematographer, Haskell Wexlerr©TwMONSTER (2003) Directed by Patty Jenkins Based on the true story of Aileen Carol Wuornos, a highway prostitute executed by the state of Florida in 2002 for the murders she committed in the 1980s Starring Charlize Theron, in a tour de force performance that earned her a multitude of awards including the year's Best Actress Oscar Nominated/Won Academy Award, Best ActressrªTTHE GODFATHER (1972) Directed by Francis Ford Coppola Based a novel and screenplay by Mario Puzo, it is a tale of a Mafia boss' s innocent son becoming involved in the bloody family business when his father is critically wounded in a mob hit It starred the Marlon Brando in the best role of his career and a cast including James Caan, Al Pacino, Diane keaton and many others and his regarded as one of the best gangster films ever made Nominated for 11 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, 3 Best Supporting Actors, Best Original Screenplay, Best Costume, Best Film Editing, Best Original Score (later withdrawn as unoriginal) and Best Sound Won 3, Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay and Best Actor Made Academy history, the second time there were three nominees in one category and all three lost Marlon Brando famously refused his Oscar by proxy DVD Special features:r«TON THE WATERFRONT (1954) Directed by Elia kazan The Waterfront Crime Commission is holding hearings on underworld infiltration of the unions . Worker is turned against worker and Terry Malloy (Marlon Brando) has to take a stand when he inadvertently participates in the murder of a fellow longshoreman After the success of GENTLEMEN'S AGREEMENT (1947) and STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE (1951), Elia Kazan received widespread critical praise for this work and went on to direct other acclaimed films such as EAST OF EDEN (1955) and SPLENDOR IN THE GRASS (1961) but the fact that he testified at House Un-American Activities Committee in 1952, haunted his career until his death in 2003. Nominated for 12 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, 3 Best Supporting Actors, Best Original Screenplay, Best Art and Set Decoration ( Black and White), Best Cinematography (Black and White), Best Film Editing and Best Original Score Won 8 : Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Original Screenplay, Best Art and Set Decoration ( Black and White), Best Cinematography (Black and White) and Best Film Editing Was the first time in the Academy's history a film won three nominations in the same category - Best Supporting Actor and all three lost DVD Special Features: Audio Commentary by Richard Schickel, the author of " Elia Kazan - a Director's Journey" and Biographer, Jeff Young Interview with Director, Elia Kazan Contender - Mastering the Method Featuretter¬T BRIEF ENCOUNTER (1945) Directed by David Lean Screenplay written by Noel Coward and based on his play "Still Life" AKA Noel Coward's Brief Encounter On a cafe at a railway station, a housewife, Laura Jesson (Celia Johnson) meets doctor Alec Harvey (Trevor Howard). They gradually fall in love and continue to meet every Thursday on the small cafe, whilst knowing their love is impossible Nominated for 3 Academy Awards including Best Director, Best Actress and Best Original Screenplay Won, none DVD Special features:r­TÉGREAT EXPECTATIONS (1946) Directed by David Lean The best of the four film adaptations of the famous novel by Charles Dickens where a humble orphan, Pip (John Mills) becomes a gentleman with the help of an unknown benefactor Nominated for 5 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Cinematography and Best Art/Set Direction (Black and White) Was the first time a British-produced film was nominated in the Best Picture category Won 2, Best Art and Set Decoration (Black and White) and Best Cinematography TIME OUT - SATURDAY 31st July Family night out - late night viewing of SPIDERMAN 2(certain to feature in the technical categories at Oscar's 77th, next year)r®T$Multi-user computer Watching three people working behind one computer made me realise that there still is no decent way to work together behind one computer. The current setup with mouse and keyboard results in one person with left hand access to the mouse, one person with reasonable access to both keyboard and mouse and one person with one handed access to the keyboard. The urlLink Minority Report way of controlling the computer provides a better way to work together with one computer, at least I think, since I never saw it working IRL ;)r¯T<Friday The weather turned grey again, feeling rather sleepy, I hope that will pass quickly. Yesterday afternoon made an attempt to rearrange the chapter on current literature on 3d and multi-user GIS and the problems attached to it. It started out well on 3D GIS, now I just need to find more on the multi user bit.r°TqGUI war The urlLink UserLinux proposal states that there should be only one GUI for UserLinux (project to come up with a 100% free enterprise quality linux version). A reasonable simple logic: if you have one GUI, one browser, one... it's much more simple to give support and stuff. I agree but it would be interesting to see what the rest of the world think and what the choice will be, when UL finally hits the ground. I think that if UL can come up with a good distro with one choice (the other options can be installed without much of a hassle though (apt-get install )) it will give those projects an enormous boost.r±UÄSoftware The systad is recovered and came by to tell me that they had to discuss where and how the software was going to be installed, so I have to wait for that, but it can't take long (I hope).r²TøGIS-tools in 3D urlLink This article writes about how you should handle a 3D GIS, it starts from a classic 2D GIS and states that there are 2 types of interaction types: the universal and the application specific interactions. It starts with common navigation tools for 2D GIS: zooming, panning, zooming to extent and than it adds the 3rd dimension. It also discusses the way you can handle that extra dimension with a 2D input device. In the 3rd dimension it has pan, zoom and rotate, not sure if I want zoom though. I have to try what use it has. As such the zoom to extent might not be needed either. Interesting extra features is a small window that shows you where you are and what direction you are looking to. Also another classic GIS thing is picking an object to select it and gain access to the information in the database, using a specific colour for the selected object, might be interesting. The big difference between that application and my muppet is that my application is more a VR and less a GIS, where one wanders through. As such I doubt that you need to get a full overview, a map and maybe that little window should be enough. other idea: For the sake of discussions it might be useful to add the option to create a snapshot of the current view.r³UÔHandling your computer While searching for the Dasher link I found urlLink another funny input device, this time for your computer. A tad expensive but it took the urlLink mousegestures thing a level higher.r´T§Handling your mobile urlLink Here a review of a nice mobile phone. Although the outside isn't my taste, the inside is very interesting. It has a novel way of controlling the mobile. I've urlLink read about it a while ago, it was just a concept. Mobileburn has tested a real prototype. This way of navigating together with urlLink Dasher must make a powerful and quick way to insert text in a mobile/pda like device.rµTõSome new ideas on the avatar thing: the use of faces/persons might increase the change in running into each other and look towards the other is looking, furthermore it might solve disorientation problems. If the user looks one direction and walks another, it could be shown by the avatar. Recognition could be simplified by a name or picture floating above the user and clicking on a user might reveal more information, like the path he took, his name etc etc (everything that is stored in the dbase)r¶TI had to come up with some rules to which I would compare existing software and gather ideas. Since I'm developing a multiuser GeoVR I've come up with: 3D editing 3D viewing (visualisation) Multi-user editing Multi-user viewing Since collaborative/multi-user GIS and 3D GIS are still in their infant-stages, a lot of interesting research and ideas are to be found in that area. Within those 4 categories things like UI, navigation, communication, implementation etc should be somehow fitted, but I think that's possible.r·T|Interesting point accoding to urlLink Vertegaal the direction you look is important in (virtual) meetings. He used eye tracking to get the avatar look at what the user was looking at. In my case there is no eye-tracking possibility but it made me think about how the other knows what you are looking at. Original idea was a 3D arrow other options are: -display 3d view bounding box of the other -display target point of the other -share view, multiple views in one window -see through the eyes of the other problems: what about low/high res screens? (800x600 vs 1600x1200) what about low/high speed positions what about viewing anglesr¸TfAlthough E-mail is almost as old as internet, new ideas emerge often, urlLink ReMail is one of those. It closely intergrates mail, chat and calander, in a nice way, especially the "thread-arcs" are a UI innovation. Nice new ideas on how to handle email, very curious if those ideas will be implemented by OSS, since they are quick in copying nice ideas ;)r¹TÁGot some comments from my supervisor on my first chapters. Although the ideas are good, they need to put into a framework and the ideas need to be ordered and presented better. He suggested I should add some drawings, tables graphs etc if that would make it easier to explain. Might help, since I already have a lot of those and couldn't get them into words properly. Furthermore my software has arrived, jay :), but the sysad is sick so it can't be installed, boo :( Oh and my brother suggested to not call it (Tue Dec 09, 03:35:53 PM) "gravity" but something like auto-balance. I agree it's a bit better, i don't really need the user to fall down everytime, but the get upright if floating upside down.rºT8Interesting urlLink article about noise maps, although maybe not the article, but at least the maps are very nice. Made us (thesis students) wondering if they took into account the direction of the wind and how it would look like in 3D. Obviously there's a difference between highway noise and airfield noise.r»T&urlLink a screenshot of the current version of the Meerstad Virtual Environment. Since I don't have Virtools Dev, I can just have a look at the player version of the Meerstad VE and not do any testing on the interface. First things I noted: too many buttons down below lack of a sky lack of water (Meerstad, Lake-city , has a whole lot of water planned and it has a big impact on the look of the thing, just a blue field doesn't do the trick) too fast (you get around with 400Km/h ;-)) This is a simplified version of the real application, high resolution imagery is missing to speed up the thing and make it a lot smaller. Going home now, I hope my internetconnection is restored so I can work a bit more at home (and update my GNOME desktop with lots of fun software I spotted recently)r¼T-Although we won't be using avatars very much for this muppet, I just read an article with some interesting ideas about the use of avatars. They say that avatars are too simple, they are just an empty shell and propose to add a mind to the avatar, a virtual agent which should learn about the user, other avatars and the environment. Makes me reconsider the use of avatars in muppet. My initial idea was just to put a 3D arrow to show the location of the user and the direction it looks to. I could add more information to the avatar, I have to think abou itr½T™The more I work with 3D environments the more I believe that the human is simply a 2D creature. If you give the user complete free 3D navigation ina virtual world he gets lost very easily, floating upside down etc. one interesting idea to prevent 3D-disorientation is urlLink speed coupled flying another useful idea is to add "gravity", so that the user automagically turns upside-up if turned upside down.r¾TurlLink Tina Manoharan has done a PhD research on Collaborative Virtual Environments for Planning Development Control in Cities. Rather interesting and pretty much what I want to do for land-use planning. Although her application is much more sophisticated than mine will be.r¿UJurlLink This guy has done some nice research on Net-VEs and communicationrÀUÛSUN is into nice interface designing nowadays: urlLink project looking glass , nice idea. I doubt that 3D window management is very usefull, but still, it looks nice. It runs on the JDS and as such on gnome, (I guess).rÁTeMUPPET is going to be a urlLink Virtools based application for participatory planning. The first version will be build around the urlLink Meerstad project. Main focus points are multi-user, communication between different stakeholders and navigation in a virtual environment. I'm building this application for my thesis project for my MSc urlLink GIS .rÂUHA new blog about MUPPEt, a Multi-User Participatory Planning EnvironmenTrÃTÈWhat are you doing? The trouble with collaborative different place work is that you don't know what the other is doing. Those wonderfull multi-user same device scheme's are rather easy in that aspect. It is easy to understand what the other is talking about since you're both looking to the same thing and he can point it out if necessary. Different place same time work is more complicated, you don't know exactly what the other is seeing. So you need to find that out somehow. But I haven't found much information so far how people tend to do that. A logical way to do that in a 3D environment is with avatars, but probably that's not enough. Ah well it will probably a "future research"thing for my thesis :)rÄTWriting about existing work I'm still struggling with putting on paper all the ideas and concepts I've read about the past 2 months. I stated a few days ago that I wanted to order it against 3d editing/viewing and mu editing/viewing. Now i've found some new rules 3D data modeling and management MU data management 3D visualization MU visualization And my main focus will be visualization/interaction so the lower row of the two. At least I produced more text this morning than in the entire week :).rÅU•3D sketching Funny little urlLink application , kinda like MS paint only 3D. Very simple application, but you can easily create 3D fluffy objects.rÆT¹Speed coupled flying Ok after a day hard working I've managed to get the speed coupled flying thing working. I've put a basic version on the website. It should work when you have the virtools webplayer. The controls are: w =forward, s = backward, a = left, d = right, arrows = look around and mouse is also move around, you need to hold the left mouse button. Furthermore in the left top corner is a button to switch between slow and fast.rÇTJoy to the (virtual) world Virtools is running now on my machine, I've spent most of my time now to try it out. It's been a long time but it's comming back again. I have decided to work on the basic controls first and work from there to a more complex navigation systemrÈT²Followup on multi user computer urlLink Friday after I wrote about the need of a multi-user computer, I read an article on a machine called urlLink Dave_G this machine did the amazing thing, it could be controlled by gestures and speech and by multiple people. Amazing machine, I'd imagine such softrware together with a tracking camera like the urlLink Quickcam Orbit could provide Minority Report like computer controlling.rÉT÷Software Joy, when I came at the uni this morning my fellow students told me the sysad had installed the software. I rejoyced and switched on the computer, eager to play with it. But alas, the software needs a license file or license server and both were not available. The sysad emailed that she had sent an email to request such a licensefile, since they forgot to add it to the package :(. Ah well, I'll go to help a friend move to the other side of town, so didn't have time to play with it anyway.rÊTâADSL Well my ADSL modem arrived yesterday, it is so small :) Spend the entire morning rewiring the telephonenetwork in the house. It is from the same era as the powergrid and the central heating, the dark ages. But I've found one wire I think is the incoming, unsplitted line. This line goes to the line splitter and from the splitter to the modem, that was easy. The line from the splitter to the two old phones was much more complicated. It looks ugly but it seems to work now. The other challenge was to install DHCP suport on my debian box, but since I'm used to search the internet for answers, it was very hard. Setting up internet is like making the first cup of coffee. Both are prone to errors due to the lack of basic aids.rËT€System model Well supervisors liked my two chapters, they were intrigued by it, although it lacked on quite some areas. The were intrigued by all the ideas and developments I've dug up (and mostly noted here) and it lacked a bit on the more social, philosophical aspects, it was too technical ATM. Furthermore I had to rewrite the intrductions to increase the logic of my decissions. But the overall idea has been approved of and now I will first focus on doing some work and leave the rewriting to another time. So I have 2 weeks to come up with a systems model. Drawing all kinds of funny schemes how the different aspects work together.rÌTInterface problems The nice split interface proposal for threading collides with the webbassed chat client I wanted to include. The two designs I had in mind are, they are so much alike that it should be possible somehow to combine them: and Anyways It's enough for today gotto cook for 10 people and tomorrow I will discuss this and everything else with my supervisors. I hope they like it.rÍTéVisualizing threaded discussions in 3D I've made a quick drawing of how such a thing should look like a short explanation: The threaded discussion is an overview of all the topics on which there is discussion The comment is the actual comment the user made The 3D world viewer is the virtual world with the location of the comment showing the longer explanation: The user, which can be anyone interested in the land-use plan; someone from the government or just a local citizen, walks around in the proposed design of the land. He sees something which he (dis)likes, for instance he'd prefer a forest instead of pasture area in front of him. He makes a comment on that location, this is shown by a floating post it in the landscape. Someone else sees that comment selects it and reads about the wish for forest and replies to it, that comment is put behind the first one, etc etc. It might be possible to see multiple discussions in the area or to see other users, like the one on the right.rÎT=Been busy Well obviously I've been busy, first I had holidays without internet connection and when I was back at the uni I had to work hard to finish two chapters. Not yet finished the second but I'll take a short break. I just got an email with the announcement that my ADSL connection should be connected the 16th :)) That will increase blogging probably. Interesting thing, especially since I still lack dual head card: urlLink combining two computers to one desktop . Since the main object of my research is to add multi-user support to 3D GIS, I'm trying to find a way to visualize threaded discussions in a 3D world. Currently I'm thinking of virtual coloured postits, the actual text is on a website accompanying the 3D world. The reactions on a postit will put behind the postit. So in a glance you can see where lively discussion are happening. the colours are red = negative comment, green = possitive comment and yellow = other. selecting a postit will show the text on the site, within it's context. Selecting a topic from the site will transport you to the location of the discussion ps. if you wonder why the minst.net site is all weird, it's because of an art project which I helped organising and it is going to be on display soon at the urlLink local library and this is the website which accompanies that project.rÏT†auto sync directories Having loads of data on different computers which should be available on all those computers; a certain auto-sync directory structure would be nice. I have daily backup scripts, but it would be nicer if they just keep everything uptodate all the time. Mainly because I don't have to worry about what version is saved where when moving between computers during a day.rÐTºADSL -continued You might have noticed that there hasn't been much news on the adsl. Good news and bad news about it. Good news is the university pays for setup costs, including cables, so a good reason to ditch the old coax net. The bad news is KPN, the telco, has found a hardwarefailure in one of their magic boxes which distribute telephone traffic, estimated 2, that is two!! , weeks to fix it. So no internet for me untill februari :(rÑTÈJob My supervisor asked to build an application called virtual scan. Basically it produces a 3D world out of a 2d bitmap where each cell is a landuse-type. The trial will be on a 200x200 bitmap, a whopping 40000cells! And each cell wil be put in 3d with 3DS Max models, which can run upto 20Mb each. We decided that somekind of optimalisation might bee useful. Currently we are strugling to get the 3DS models nicely in virtools. The other thing is that I have yet to figure out a way to get the correct value of the cells. Virtools gives some ARGB colour which is of no use to me. This all means that my thesis is slowed down a bit, not too bad since I've drawn most of the required diagrams on paper already.rÒTÞRendering 90square km Currently working on an application which turns a 2D landuse map to a 3D world. The current test is 90 square km but the final version will be 400 square km. And the level of detail is such that you can walk through it on ground level and it still looks decent. My simple P4 1.7GHz 512MB RAM machine can actually manage it, I can walk through it with slight stuttering. But that could be because I'm running loads of software next to it. Rather promising.rÓUöJoy to the world Well at least to me, my ADSL connection is up 'n running. It's kinda slow compared to the uni connections I'm used to, but hey it's limitless internet. It just takes 2 hours downloading to get my workstation up to date though :/rÔUurlLink My sisters india tourrÕT+test blog applet Running the experimental version of debian gives you nice things like fairly recent gnome stuff and with it a blogger.com applet. I can now very easy update muppet from home. The problem though is that it is well, experimental gnome-apps do crash a bit and I've to be careful with new applications. So I try to do my part in software development by sending bug reports ;) I need a new computer or more harddiscspace or a combination to be able to keep a decently running desktop and a test desktop with things like urlLink dashboard .rÖT9Frames and php Internet explorer and/or virtools webplayer are buggy, at least reloading the webplayer everytime the page changes is not a good idea, IE crashes horribly. So I've decided to change part of the site to a frame based setup. This requires weird tricks to be able to update three frames and leave the fourth be. The initial attempt has succeeded so far that I can control the content of three frames with one link. Now I've to rewrite loads of PHP to get all the links working properly with smooth transistion between framebased and non framebased pages.r×TWrite your phonenumber Siemens has a nice urlLink phone it has the shape of a pen and is so small that there is no space left for buttons. In stead of typing on incredible small buttons you can use the pen to write your phonenumber. Interesting concept.rØTWAMP/Virtools Well I got Apache, MySQL and PHP working here, I also got a nice urlLink forum to start with. It is a very simple PHP/MySQl based forum, and so far it is working with a virtools window inside. I just found out that I need to figure out a way to update the browser window without resetting the virtools window. There are two ways I can think of: 1. put the player on a seperate page 2. restore the latest settings on the player everytime the page changes Since I had admin rights for a short time, I've managed to install some useful applications on my computer to get it a bit more workable, a multi desktop application, which isn't nearly as good as the default X one, let alone my enhanced Gnome one, but it gives my at least some more desktop space.rÙUÚAdmin rights Just got admin rights asigned to me for my uni computer. A stupid thing that I didn't have them before and a stupid thing you have to relogin to aquire them. What is it with Microsoft and reboot/relogins?rÚU)urlLink this site has interesting topicsrÛT4So cool My application is developing real fast now. I've got a nice threaded discussion thing in a frame based site. Required a little bit of hacking on the forum. The cool thing now is that if you add a new or reply on a comment it will automatically store the location and the orientation of you in the virtools player. It will also add a floating post it to the virtools environment. That post it is clickable and gives you the related message in the discussion. Well it works with urlLink firefox it was not yet functioning in IE when I left uni (at 1900h).rÜe(T½Morphix Played with urlLink morphix today on a friends laptop. It is truely astonishing, almost all the useful linux (gnome) apps were there and it booted without a hitch. It is also possible to simply mount the existing HDs so you can acess your data. He's going for 9 months to brasil and was wondering about bringing restore CDs. He was so pleased by morphix that he decided to just bring morphix and use that as 'restore' CD if necessary.rÝTÎLess cool Basically I still have the same functionality as I had the last post. Ok last friday I worked on my other job, which is progressing nicely, mostly that is. I have a weird problem with a DLL that is not recognised :(. Yesterday I found out that while the virtual memo was created and was clickable the wrong information was attached to it. I spend the entire day to get around the fact the PHP is serverside and javascript client side, so passing variable around isn't trivial. But I solved the problem at last so the memo is still clickable and now it also gives you the related mesage in the frame next to it :). I did some minor tweaks as well and cleaned up a bit of code, I do understand the script much more. Today I've tried to get all the memo's loaded during start up. Currently it only creates new memo's but doesn't load existing ones. After a bit of fiddling I came up with an invisible frame to send data between php/MySQL and virtools. Not a very elegant solution but it works, except... ...it doesn't well the data is perfectly send to virtools, but it's too much and virtools messes it up. So I'm quite stuck at the moment, I'll have to figure out a different way to get the data through. bugger :(rÞT–Wonderful I have more or less finalized my application it is available urlLink here . This version is not yet completly finished today, but will be at the end of the week. Had a meeting with my supervisors and they decided the application was ready for a test in 'real' setting. So we are now looking for a nice setting within the department to test the application and see what other people think of it.rßT­Official server Well the powers that be, well actually one of my supervisors, has managed to put my app on a more official uni server urlLink here . The idea is that we will run a test with it in a more real setting. We are currently looking for an internal project of the faculty which is about discussing some area and where we have 3D data available. Currently I'm writing my report, waiting for the data to appear to create the test environment. The test environment runs on IIS instead of Apache, but that shouldn't give any problems (other than it being IS obviously ;) ). I'll try to take the results of the test into account in my report and presentation, but we'll see.ràUâApparently Blogger has new functions, it should be possible to add comments new, will see. On the subject of my muppet application; it is up and running and now I am working on the report. No date is yet set for my colloqium.ráTAbe and I have long bemoaned the fact that churches (and Christians in general) tend to worship the Money God over the True God. In churches we have both worked for in the past, it was common for the first question about any activity to be "how much does it cost?" rather than "is this what God wants us to do?" I wonder why we Christians can't get it through our thick heads that money just really doesn't matter? We should just be focused upon pleasing God and accomplishing His will. He will handle the details. Makes me mad.râTº" urlLink XXXchurch exists to bring awareness, openness, accountability and recovery to the church, society and individuals in the issues of pornography and to begin to provide solutions through non-judgmental and creative means. XXXchurch is here to make you think, react and to decide where you stand on the issues of porn. We're not here to sling mud, but to shove the envelope and try and do some good. " Finely, someone who takes the subject of pornography seriously enough to talk openly about it! I came upon this site some time ago and was happy to see that someone is daring to talk about this widespread problem. I preached a series of sermons on this subject one time and was rather surprised at the results. The church leadership became very angry at me (for the first time). They insisted that there was no one in the congregation with that kind of problem and that I was wasting my time. However, during the series, I had two different families come into my office admitting their struggle with this sin. Let's talk about it because it's real, and it's everywhere. urlLink Setting Captives Free is another good site I found. Check it out for help with all kinds of habitual problem areas.rãUI'm here so let's get startedräUÚWell, Kristi just told me that she forgot to tell Abe that I was talking on MSN Messenger... Oh to be so loved that she forgets me in 3 minutes. Anyway, he will be back in a few minutes and then we can see if it worksråUƒOK, I have invited Abe to be a team member on this thing. I hope it works. We are talking via MSNMessenger right now, so maybe...ræUXOK, Abe and I are thinking about getting an bible discussion thingy going, so here it isrçU[We are still alive, I guess we don't have much to say. Going to camp today, be back on FrirèUcurlLink XML Feed available by that link, or at the right --> Please note this is for newsreaders.réUþSo good to be out of school.. Had a really nice last day. Came home, urlLink changed some urlLink things . I'm also going back to the urlLink old design. Also, it's urlLink round two . I think I'll syndicate this blog, just for kicks. Peace.rêTžWell everyone, the Block final wasn't very hard (big surprise). All we did was read the short stories. But, (stupid Malon ey ) made us do the dumbest things. We had to answer all sorts of questions for each question. And, he made us list 3-5 qualifications of a short story. Pretty dum, that man. Then in the second hour we finish the movie. It's so sad that urlLink Jenny dies from AIDs in the end. I didn't know that... But now I do. I'm in another battle with urlLink Joe and urlLink DJ Studios . urlLink This is the thread that it's all happening in. I update the animations on the main page, don't know if you noticed... TOMORROWS THE LAST DAY!!!rëX'Yesterday marked the release of a temp. urlLink bodyvisual , as I'm sure you already know. I finally figured out how to get the XML into Flash, so everything you see can be controlled dynamically through one XML file. Also, all together in size it is only about 8kb. Very quick to load. Today is the Block final. I think that it is stupid we have to stay for all three hours. But, maybe it's just me... I'll post and let the 2/3 period know what to expect. All the reports from Monday were really vague. Anyway, I got that job at the urlLink College that I wanted. Yesterday I sent off my resumé to urlLink several urlLink agencies that urlLink Brian recommended, after saying that I couldn't work with him. Oh well. The job @ uni is great because they give me vacation time. Peace.rìTpHey everyone. Well, it's me. Yep. Here I am. Doing what I said I'd never do: making myself a blog. Anyways. Looking for some jobs if anyone's interested. urlLink cv if your interested. Also, I should be online soon. I've been having problems with the XML backend.. can't seem to get the dynamic text boxes to show the text. Oh well... That's all for now.ríTtWell, today marked the first day of my urlLink job at the university. For a first day I worked incredibly long (6.5 hours), but it was fun. The project we're doing is archiving all the old aerial photos of the region (some as old as 1926). This includes scanning them in at the best dpi (hell to calculate) and then adjusting the curves in PS so the histogram is balanced. It seems like it may be a cool project, because there is a web part, which I am going to get, earning me $3000 by the end of the 10 weeks. After work I was uber tired. But, I went and took some shots of the gardens because it was a really nice evening. You can see those pictures urlLink here . I am learning better how to focus the camera with the AiAf, and have managed to get several really crisp pictures. The 4.0 mp does wonders, and the colour is sooo rich! Take care, TGIF tomorrow x___x m.rîU…I have added the subdomain 'foto' to bodyvisual.com to showcase my photography sets. Enjoy. /I start my job tomorrow.. i'm excited!rïUyMy urlLink camera arrived yesterday evening. Really a nice cam. Love the 4 mp. Hope everyone's having a nice summer!rðTmIt's been a good weekend so far. Yesterday we went to the lake and sailed in a big storm and lots of wind. It was really cool. ...signed up for urlLink Gmail today. You can mail me urlLink here . Also, PHP is proving to be easy to learn. I've got a new urlLink layout up too. Looks a bit like urlLink Joshua Davis . Not really, tho. urlLink Peace.rñTDue to the amount of personal email I am receiving at my Gmail account, I have changed the password, making the account non-public now. Sorry to disappoint. However, if anyone is sincere about wanting their own account, you can mail me urlLink here , and I'll see what I can do. Also, I got paid for the first time yesterday. The check was for 103 dollars, which I promptly spent all but six of. Hehe. I bought a sweet little cruzer mini with 256mb capacity and the new tiesto cd (which kicks ass). Peace out, michaelròTIurlLink G-Mail . For your public account and storage, use the login of bodyvisual and the password of public . As a public courtesy, please do not change or delete any mail you find there. Enjoy the 1000mb of free space! Feel free to use it as a flash-drive-like option, i.e. backing up important files temporarily. Ciao!róU;Looks good, definatly going to do this! urlLink ayato@webrôTGurlLink Mike has brought something to my attention about the new Mozilla Firefox 0.9. [quote] For those of you who have not yet installed 0.9 of FireFox you might want to backup before you do. Some people have reported cases while upgrading that their systems have locked up, then upon restart it executed an infinate loop sucking all system resources until all of the programs crashed. [/quote] Some users have had to nuke their HDD because of this. See this link for more details: urlLink http://lists.freebsd.org/pipermail/freebsd-ports/2003-April/000233.html . peace out.rõUcW00t. My good friend just won Kirupa SOTW. Congrats, m8. Check him out: urlLink KRANESTYLE.COMröU¦urlLink we.Blog 2003-04 Thanks bunches to my good friend Mike DiPietro, mdipi , and his blog for mentioning me. He's very talented, and only 14! Great guy. :Dr÷UurlLink Gmail is too creepyrøUxHehe, I've got 3 more invitations to Gmail, if anyone is interested. I guess that I get more every few weeks.. Sweet!rùUcWant to turn your Xbox into a server, computer, or anything else? urlLink Run Linux on your Xbox!rúUqSomething new I just found that is quite interesting if you didn't already know about it: urlLink Google Blog .rûTI have uploaded a urlLink working sample of what I have spent the last week and two days designing and building. The site is entirely dynamic, making use a XML backend ( urlLink view ). Any comments are welcomed, just leave a comment. It is still in development. peace outrüT†Work is slowly killing my vision. Right now I have a slight pain behind my eyes, which I have a funny suspicion is from looking at a computer screen since 8:15 this morning. Earlier I had a major problem with XML, but thanks to a good person at kirupa, the problem was solved. urlLink Mike finally got his Gmail account, and told me he has been frantically emailing people all day. hehehe. Michelle's back from Korea (or has been since last Monday). She bought me a 'Be The Reds' shirt because I love it so much. *hugs michelle*. Well, back to work.. almost done, just another hour... *rubbs eyeballs* I think I'll go take a walk... peace out //edit: I filled up my 256mb flash drive with music today from urlLink music.download.com . I really like T1, as I downloaded all that music in less than 20 minutes. Absolutly amazing.. Too bad they are artists no one has ever heard of.. :)rýU)Finally got it working. urlLink Fun.phprþU‡This is very interesting.. I didn't know that piracy cost $13 billion to the s/w industry every year... ... urlLink Piracy PreventionrÿTíI have just released the somewhat beta, somewhat final version of the website for where I work. urlLink CADIS . Click to view. The site has a XML backend, making all the text dynamically updateable. I'd love to urlLink hear what you think . peace out On a side note, I think I'm getting sick of this layout. And, I really wanna add some sort of a shout box-type thing. Maybe a real cool flash/php-driven chalkboard... that'd be slick... anyways, lemme know if you find any bugs...rTHI've just finished my entry for a flash battle at bb against cube. The theme was to animate an effect over the sky line of New York City. Tell me what you think. The song is "To Cure A Weakling Child" by Aphex Twin. All work is done in flash with the picture from urlLink SXC . urlLink Entry . urlLink See Forum Thread .rTrI never thought that Tuesday's could be more boring than Mondays. I've done almost everything I can think of to do, and there are still three hours left before I can leave. My oh my. urlLink Mike invited me to urlLink orkut . It's a crazy community that is invite-only. The servur is supa slow. Aaack... SOOOO tired... I'm going out for a while. peace out.rTYes, I've got 6 more Gmail invities, so if anyone wants these, feel free to urlLink mail me and I'll hook you up. There are a few ppl at urlLink kf that I've promised, but not 6. Anyways, at work I'm almost done with all the interfacing for the blue project. I'll upload a working version later today, at work. Yesterday I got some good shots of the garden; will upload later as well. I had a good weekend overall. We went to the town I used to live in, and my step-dad went to an old tavern. hehehe. peace out. btw, urlLink mike has made a shoutbox and put it live on his site.. Very impressive; i'm envious. I checked out two books tho...rT:So after urlLink Louis signed up for blogger and used my previous template, I decided it was time for a general overhall. Do let me know what you think. I've modded some things, added some things, deleted some things. About Macs: I've been thinking very hard about mac or windows. And I've been reading urlLink Mr. Hall's blog. It seems as tho there are many, many new and wonderful innovations that will be introduced into OS X and Tiger within the next year (more than a full year ahead of Longhorn). One of the biggest things I want to use is Safari RSS. I think the RSS searching feature will be s00per cool, and will provide a very easy way to keep up with all the crap I'm to lazy to. I was talking to urlLink Mike earlier about Safari, and he said that it was interesting that I wanted to use Safari RSS and I had never used Mac before. hehe, shows you how much Apple is getting to me. Another thing that was urlLink thrown around was the possibility of a dual 64-bit windows system being capable of competing with a dual G5. I personally like the idea of being able to stick with windows, because of familiarity and the software compatibility. But at the same time I really want a change, and don't all designers use a Mac? :) It's raining very hard across the middle U.S., from OK to east TN. And I burned my tongue. I have four Gmail invitations for anyone who has not received one yet, or would like to try the service out. You may email me urlLink here with your full name and email address. It's been so long since I've done any personal design work. And that's probably because Photoshop is broken on my home computer. Bummer. Everyone have a safe, happy 4th of July, and check out my urlLink work desktop and my urlLink home desktop . Screen manicure for BB tomorrow night! Whoopie! peace outrUnMy friend urlLink Taras just finished a website for his college. urlLink Click to Visit . It's brilliant.rTPI just finished watching the urlLink WWDC 2004 in San Francisco. It sounds like Apple is really making amazing strides, most importantly against Windows. One thing that really blew my mind was the new urlLink Power Mac G5 . Dual 2.5ghz procesors, 1.25ghz FSB (a win system can't even compete), 64-bits of processing power, and other crazy new features that I can't even begin to describe. I'm really excited about how cool Macs are now that I've really seen some of the new features that are going to be incorporated into Tiger. And, to back track a little, the Power Mac's are starting at $1999, and come standard as dual processors (Dual G5, 900mhz FSB, etc). So, now I'm faced with a tricky problem: Do I buy a Mac for less than (I think) the cost of building a dual processor PC, or do I go ahead with my familiar Windows XP and wait for Longhorn? It's a tough decision. One thing that I'm really worried about is the software issues. I have tons of software for Windows systems that just won't work on a Mac, some of which don't even exist for the Mac (3D Studio Max). Also, I'm really excited about Safari RSS. And the new video formats. And Spotlight. And the video conferencing capabilities. It's so amazing what Apple is doing. I really want a Mac now. You should watch the WWDC video. It's long, but totally worth it. peace outrTaI have found several good sites for testing X/HTML pages in different browsers. Here are the links: Netscape Navigator urlLink NN Archive - contains versions 2-7 of NN. Mozilla urlLink Mozilla Downloads - the most up-to-date versions of Mozilla's products. urlLink Previous Versions - contains versions 1.0 thru 1.8a1 for download. urlLink The Really Old Versions - here are versions previous to 1.0 (like, say, 0.6). Internet Explorer urlLink Latest Version - most recent release of IE. urlLink Standalone Versions - IE dating back to dinosaurs (v3.0-5.5 sp2). Works best on XP. (Thx urlLink Mark ). If you know of any more/different/better sites, leave a comment. This is just a little resource to help you out if you're ever wondering what your page looks like in old browsers. //edit: for a mac view, check here: urlLink iCapture >rUµMy good friend urlLink Louis has started up a free host. The deal's pretty sweet for being totally free . urlLink Check it out . peace out btw, my site is urlLink here . :DrUhVERY entertaining little app. Don't really know what it's for, but there you are: urlLink Google Talkr UHey, go check this kid out.. he's a s00per great guy and knows his php like no one's business! urlLink | Louis Mullie's Blog |r TÝI was taking time off of work today and managed to find myself at urlLink 2A . I got to thinking as I was working my way through the site about how important 2A used to be to me, and how they aren't so much now. Back in the day (pssh, 2 years ago...) 2A was by far the best thing that I had ever seen. Period. It was prolly the reason I started doing flash, too. But now after I've seen urlLink such urlLink amazing urlLink things , 2A isn't that big of a deal. It's like they want to be, but it's like they try too hard, and end up overdoing it all. It's like they are the old school, with there 'super-cool' 25 milligram video that really rocked the industry when it came out. But now it's like, yea, so what? But really, don't get me wrong. I love 2A's work, and they're still going strong after a lot of people have dropped out of the game. Congratulations, 2A, for fueling today's amazingly talented individuals. And for taking all the ripping gracefully. peace outr TK Wow, so much has happened since last night, or else it just feels like it. This morning I went and got my driver's license, and passed on the first try. The lady was really nice and told me I wasn't mergin right and told me how to do it the right way. Really cool. Also, last night some friends that are moving came over to say goodbye and I got into a conversation with them about the best way to buy the Mac. He said that buying a computer is a process, and that it would be really smart to buy it in pieces. So, I'm going to save up for the CPU which comes with a mouse and keyboard and just buy a cheap little CRT monitor and then start saving up for the monitor I really want (which is going to cost about $1000 I think...), the 23" HD Cinema Display (not the new one, the older one). Then after that I'll buy either the wireless keyboard/mouse or get an Airport base depending on if we have DSL/Cable/Satellite by then. Then I'll get the sound system last as I'm hoping to get a fairly good one. If anyone knows a site for good cheap computer audio systems, please tell me about it. To pay for all of this I'm saving all the money (got paid today!) from the internship, and *hopefully* getting a job at MegaByte, the "Apple Store" (really an authorized reseller). That way I should be able to get employee discounts and I could keep that job part time during school. There's something that I've been thinking about trying to get started. Since freelance is so popular and there is so much good talent that is freelancing (I'm talking web, video, and print design) out there, why not make a freelancing design studio? It would be really cool to have some sort of an agency that has contact with 30-50 freelancers and sets up jobs with them after the client contacts 'leaders'. Put that way it sounds like some websites out there that already exist, but it would be different. One advantage would be the ability to have so much talent in so many areas available to the clientele, therefore generating the best product. Almost like a collaborative effort on a single project with people from all over the globe working through a chat room-like form of communication. There would be no relocation necessary as it would be totally digital. Many projects could be processed at the same time unlike a design studio with only 6 members. I think it's a really cool idea, and I'd love to hear what everyone thought about it. I'm really interested in getting this up and running no matter how many people would be interested or available right off the bat. Give me a urlLink shout about what you think. peace out :)r TurlLink Mike finally has his server back, woo hoo. His damn host is stupid and takes forever to respond but whatever. Also, I've been made a moderator at BB forum. Fun stuff. The template work is going slow as ever. I hate the fact that the previous designers were inexperienced and therefore there are 1,652 lines of HTML in one page I'm updating. But I'm almost done with the first bit. We got new kitties a couple days ago and they're being a little annoying. Last night our oldest cat slept with me and woke me up at around 4 a.m. demanding to go out the open door of my room and be fed. I don't feed the cats ever, so I just shut the door, locking him out of my room, but he scrathed up the carpet by my door and that woke me up. So after an hour I was like fuck it and got up and threw him out the backdoor. Literally. So, overall I got like 4 hours of sleep last night, and I'm definitely feeling tired at work today. C'est la vie. The reason I went to bed at 12 last night was because I was watching the movie 'Heat' with DeNiro and Kilmer. I absolutly love that movie to no end. I started watching at 8, and finished (after numerous interruptions from the cats) at 11.30. By the time I was ready to sleep, it was past midnight and I was pissed. But, that's all good. I'm fairly awake now, with pizza, coffee, and coke pumped into my veins. But still, it's not a good thing when you wake up with a headache. I need more sleep and less screen. I'm keeping my tan from this fucking 20" lcd I live in front of. Dammit. peace outr X@So over my extended lunch hour today I went and took a visit to the Apple Store. (I didn't get my DL). When we got there they had two Powermac G5s sitting there, being beautiful. I got into this discussion with one of the guys there about basically everything, and I learned a lot, including that Photothop takes eleven seconds (one-one-thousand...) to start up. That was really exciting. I mean really. And they had a widescreen (about 23" I think) that it was set up on. The entire thing was gorgeous. And the salesman did a really good job of selling me on the whole thing, even though all he did was say yes to all my questions. I think that I've decided to go ahead and get a Mac when I've got the money. Also something really amazing he showed off to me: Exposé. He opened up a ton of apps and then hit F9 and magically they all tiled together. Amazing device there. I was totally raving when I left. Hehe, and I got two hang-up posters of the G5 and the Cinema Displays. Woo hoo, I can hardly wait until August when I have the money for one. *grin* peace outrTNI had quite a good time over the past weekend, and I hope everyone else did as well. It was probably my very first 'sane' fourth, where I didn't get burned or stabbed with a PVC pipe (recalling last year when i nearly chopped my toe off with a pipe...) At first I didn't think that I was going to do anything for the fourth, seeing as how I had/have no money, and that my parent's weren't home. But then the neighbors got home and bought explosives and we had fun. So today I'm going to go and take the driving test for my license (sp?). I should do okay. And then (the best part) we're going down to the Apple store and letting me see the pretty Macs. I can't wait, it's gonna be sweet. Random bits: I'm over 1000 posts @ BB in about 3 months. Also, check urlLink this out, it's from urlLink SRF.STN . Funny as hell. peace out :)rTØHmmm.. I've been terribly busy since last I posted. I've worked on some more sites, which will be released soon. And I've started production on my site. Nothing fancy, but it's cool. Got to talk with urlLink Mike Minor today. Very great guy, super cool. It was good to get back in touch with him. Only $1000 away from the mac. I should get some freelance to get there faster. Also, new friends are listed at right. Thanks for your support guys :) peace out.rT So I took another trip to the Apple store Saturday. I spent 2 hours there, and found out a lot more information regarding powermacs and their hardware. I didn't know that there were two releases of them, a release A and release B. The main differences between the two is that the low-end model was only a single processor, and the middle model was the dual 1.8 (which I want). This is important because with the middle model you get more fun stuff, like an 8gb ram capacity, a 160gb hdd, and 3 pci-x slots. A quick google on the matter produced urlLink this : Revision 1.0 of the PCI-X specification defined PCI-X 66 and PCI-X 133 devices that transferred data up to 133 MTS, or over 1Gbyte per second for a 64-bit device. The present revision adds two new speed grades: PCI-X 266 and PCI-X 533, offering up to 4.3 gigabytes per second of bandwidth, 32 times faster than the first generation of PCI. Another major feature of the PCI-X 2.0 specification is enhanced system reliability. Sounds pretty cool, and I think I should investigate this more. The only downside to the release A powermac is $200 more (for the store prices). I think that that is a better thing to get however, because of the added features. *Hopefully* I'm making a good decision on Apple. It's an awful lot of money, and I could build a windows system for half as much. One more thing: I'm in a urlLink battle at BB. It's fun ^__^ peace out :)rTôFirst off, for all you loyal readers, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Quite busy have I been. Yesterday I took off work (and missed the AS conference) to go to the lake. I had a lot of fun and spent probably eight full hours in the water. I went sailing by myself on the little MX Ray ( urlLink click ) for the first time in a year and ooh it was sooo much fun! I didn't capsize nearly as much as I thought I would (only 3 times near the end) considering the wind was so strong. It was super annoying though because when I pulled the urlLink spinnaker the wind completely died and I drifted right into the shore near some dumb kids who were like 'Huh, what's that yellow thing Uncle Jim?' We went out on the wooden boat for a good two hours and I burnt the tops of my knees something awful! They really hurt but I urlLink cbf to put aloe on it. Oh well, it'll heal. It's not like I've never been burned before. Also, I went buck-wild with my camera the other night and got some urlLink pictures that were pretty cool. I used my step-dad's big-ass lantern and ran around in front of my camera on a tripod for 15 seconds. Pretty fun blinding the neighbors at 10 o'clock p.m. But I lost the original high-res of the ones I uploaded. :( One last thing - I'm in another urlLink tennis match @ BB. Great fun, first time doing that sort. Anyway, it's time to go home from work now. Congrats to urlLink Chris and urlLink David for being so good at flash. Props you guys. -outrTÄYou know that? It really does.... grrr.. work? i hate it. you can't fucking imagine. Not only am I sick of doing all these bullshit websites, I'm sick of having them picked to destruction by my boss. But, what are boss's for, eh? I'll be soooo happy when I get paid to be forced to change websites.. That'll be sweet. So then enough rant.... My site is finally starting to come together. It looks really nice, but sorry, there's no preview :P So far I'm at 130 or so lines of AS, and there's still more to do. Hopefully I'll be finished with it before school starts. Ah. School. It starts in like 2 weeks. As much as I want to see my friends, I really don't want to go back. Just like every other summer, this one has whizzed by. Fuck. I hate work, I really do. I love the money, but I hate the time it takes up. grrrrr. Maybe I could write the fucking government and they'd pay me for doing nothing. But then again, maybe not. Oohhhh.. it's nearly mac time! This friday I'll have almost enough for the computer, and then after I sell some stuff I'll have enough for the mac, dual 17" LCDs that I found on eBay, and *hopefully* a desk and a light. Bah. I'm tired. I'm cranky. And, there's a big meeting on Friday that I haven't even thought about. Grrrrrr. Maybe I'll call in sick on Friday... yeees, that's the thing to do! oh my, that was like one big entire bitch session. Oh well... sorry for not updating for so damn long. peace out.rT5Friday This is like a school assignment "what I did during the weekend". Took the boys camping, with A, to the Forest of Dean. Met A in Gloucester and loaded up the car, can't wait till I am back on the road, I feel emasculated and it's not fair for her to do all the driving. Campsite (Christchurch) pretty good and got the tent up quickly. Boys were sweet and we went to a pub in Lydbrook, the Waterside, had an OK meal and left circa 9.30 to a bleeping phone with a message from K asking to speak to kids, which they did. All packed into the tent and told them a few stories and before too long we were asleep - not because of the stories. Swapped my bag with A as she was cold. Slightly broken sleep as always seems to be the case on the first night under canvas. Saturday Got up and headed off to find some breakfast, wound up in Monmouth, last time I was there was in 1991. Found a Cafe (Monmow Cafe) and had a cooked breakfast, J particularly cranky and wouldn't eat as there were no croissants and wouldn't have toast as it was too thick - what do you do?? T in good form. Went and got supplies for Picnics and meals and headed off the Dean Heritage Centre, very good and the boys did some rubbings which T bored of first and J started tire of. A very patient and kind. Quite a place the forest, at one time very industrial and leading edge with strong arts, forestry and mining. T liked the Glos Old Spot pigs and A spotted Cray fish which caught the boys attention. Drove to where A's grandparents used to live in Rodley, boys slept. Had a picnic in the woods of the A4426 - it rained. Early on the day A naively suggested we would see a film if the boys were good and the weather was poor. Despite being tired, the boys were good, J imploring T to comply when cracks appeared in his patience. Sharakova won the tennis, I was pleased for her. The weather was OK and after a nap, where A was very sweet and beautiful, we kicked a ball around and then went to see Shrek 2, good movie and A enjoyed it despite thinking she wouldn't. Tried calling K before we went in and got a text on exiting telling me my phone was off, tried calling again on mob and LL but no answer. Fired up a BBQ and cooked (or rather A did) some chicken and sausages and had a good meal with red wine. Put the flagging boys to bed, kissed them, swapped "I love yous" and lay in the moonlight with A talking in hushed tones (Isn't that whispering?) and it was lovely. I am so lucky. Sunday Slept better last night, possibly the wine, and had difficulty surfacing but did and took a call from K asking why the boys had not called, explained and they chatted to her. She asked if I would look after boys Sun night when we got back and I said I need to get ready for Monday as we had been away since Fri, bit of argy bargy. I can't understand why there is animosity about taking them away and calls to get them to speak and yet when I return them she wants to go out. Packed up and went to Symonds Yat, walked on north side of river, took bridge (Bindles) to other side and stopped for a Picnic - it rained, hard. Soaked through but made it to hand ferry and changed the boys into dry clothes and went up to Symonds Yat Rock. Great views of River Wye and RSPB were spotting Peregrine Falcons. T managed to pick one out perched on a tree which impressed all the twitchers. A bought the boys a card each and we set off for Ciren. K rang ranting that she wanted to watch the football (??)tonight and I better not be going out(??)if she can't, and that she had bought a pirate copy of Shrek 2 and wanted to watch it with the boys and I had spoilt the experience. Strange. Dropped two very tired and tetchy boys at the house and headed to the flat where A was miffed that O had not watered plants and had something of a party. Bit of tension and I made polite conversation with O. Then decided to clean windows and while doing this A mellowed with O - flat looks a lot better with clean windows! Snatched bits of Euro 2004 final and delighted that underdog won - and what good underdogs! Had a bath and we both went to bed clean and in clean sheets with candles which was sweet and beautiful. Learning Points Take a Cooker Camping Get the boys to bed in good time Plan activities in advance Tell K as much as possible well in advance to avoid hassle Must do something for A for being so lovelyrTJWell Folks , I have had a little problem with this blog not wanting to post , so I had to delete it and start all over. A few of my posts got lost and the rest never got published. I plan on regularly blogging again. I need to keep * BF * informed since this is her last Day! BF -Obviously not her real name --changed to protect the GUILTY ! I sure am gonna miss those 25 minute breaks! ( since I am a government worker I will still take those 25 minutes... now just by myself ! ) I think I should just say goodluck and congrats to , BF, you got the hell out of COUNTY - and you've done your time. Don't look back, otherwise you might turn into a pillar of salt. As to complaining today--well wouldn't you know today has been kinda slow, so there has been no need to get angry at anyone. Although a nice, older lawyer needed me to show him how to use the mouse on a computer like 24 times and yet he still does not quite have it down. He was born before TV, so I guess I won't hold it against him. Next, I got yelled at by a women who insisted that I sold her the wrong forms and then proceeded to bring me up the exact same forms to buy again. It might've helped her cause if she hadn't needed her 12 year old daughter to make all of the decisions for this family. This kid acted more like an adult than her mom. Dressed in a pink power suit , Powder-Puff-Teen - Attorney-Action-Girl , proceeded to read all the fine print in the Self Service Center Guides and then point out how retarded her MOM is. Now For your Daily Counts: number of hotchicks..............................................................................9 number of hot chicks under 18 seeking child support...........1 number of people asking whether I am a notary or not........2 number of crossed eyed people encountered at court........................1rT‰. Wednesday, March 05, 2003 It's 4:35 and I should probably be working or something, luckily no need as of yet. It's finally kinda quiet. Nothing to incredible happened today. Let's just say no one has really pissed me off or anything. I hand out divorce forms all day, so I meet the nicest people having the worst fucking day of their life. People sure are jerks, always demanding ..."I know your not allowed to give legal advice,but...? " Your gonna go ahead and ask anyway aren't ya buddy. This is not the DMV, I do not provide answers, get a friggin lawyer you cheap ass. The only people who make it in to this place seem to be retarded, insane or both. Just yesterday I overheard a some FAt middle-aged woman talking on her phone " I should go tell them " (she's talking about a co-worker of mine) "that I have been diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder, that's why I can't remember instructions." I guess one of her personalities forgot to tell the other, because she never made it over to tell us. Ahh shit... Thursday is free LAWYER day. A civil servants idea of hell. Satre wasn't kidding --hell IS other people!rT¹Me: Sir, you have to read the packets. "I don't have time to read" Good thing your in a library then, buddy. I think you have made the right choice about not reading. It's not like your were gonna understand anything. Just buy all the packets that could possibly pertain to you. Ok, I'll try be nicer , if you try being smarter! Daily counts: 2 cross-eye's 7 babes 1 underage teen seeking child supportrT˜First, let me tell you , there is something strange about cross-eyed people. I am as liberal as they get , so I feel bad about spreading a stereotype. But honestly folks , they are kinda creepy, also a bit crazy. Point in case, they ask for large quantities of rubberbands . They return repetitively, acting as if their very lives depend on obtaining rubberbands. Family members scream for their attention, " for god's sake I'm trying to get rubberbands. Let me concentrate on one thing at time." I mean for GOD'S sake people, leave her alone. Can't they see she's doing something important? For the love of god , she needs rubberbands. Don't worry, I have plenty of rubberbands for all of you! I don't like to pick on people with physical deformities, but the court seems to get more than it's fair share of visitors from the evolutionary scrap pile. I'll just mention in passing that the guy's arm looked like it went through a blender from wrist to his elbow. I am sitting behind a desk. I am working on a computer. I am wearing a name tag- court ID. I am handing out forms or money. What makes this person ask " do you work here?"rT¿I never did get around to posting for Monday afternoon. I nearly had to come to blows with a guy who wanted a refund for 90 cents from a copy card purchase. "well there's no sign that says I can't get a refund" -- Thanks asswipe. Once you buy the card it's yours to keep. Why the hell would you buy a card if you only needed one copy? Why would you argue for 11 minutes for 90 cents? Biatch alert -- BF thinks 90 cents is worth arguing about. Later that day, a wonderful encounter with a scab picking pyscho. Scab Picker insisted that he needed to get his guns back. You see, he was arrested for Domestic Violence and that damn bitch of a girlfriend of his had the nerve to ask the judge to take his gun away. " just cuz he had one. " This was very unfortunate, as it led him in maniacal fashion to pick continuously at his open wounds. DAILY COUNTS: babe count at zero Five " are you a notary?" inquiries one cross-eyed freakrT&Well it's Monday. My mood? I am annoyed and angry. Why? Somebody had the nerve to try and make me feel guilty regarding my customer service skills. He could not not figure out how to get to a location here in the court by the directions I was giving him. He kept insisting he had never been here before; therefore , I suppose he is no longer familiar with concepts like north and south. Pointing and gesticulating were of no help either. " oh, but sir...I am not sure where North is." So my hand pointing you in that direction was not enuff huh? It amazes me that Creationists can insist we do not come from monkeys, when there exists so much evidence to the contrary. Have I mentioned that it's 11:35 (am) and not one single BAbe Count has been registered. Disaster of a DAY. More later perhaps.rT¾Top reasons to study Economics 1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands." 2. Economists can supply it on demand. 3. You can talk about money without every having to make any. 4. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out. 5. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there. 6. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE". 7. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue. 8. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.rXùO give me a home Where the buffaloes roam And the deer and the antelope play O give me a gay Maybe timothy chay If he’ll love me and hug me all day. We wish him the best Though he failed his block test And his life and his hair is a mess When he’s all forlorn We will still cheer him on And teach him d meaning of Ln. o give him a home where the buffaloes roam and the deer and the antelope play and when the animals cry all will heave a great sigh and timmo will falter and dierTöI am a brutal warrior, my boots of war walk the earth. I am a massacrer of the masses. Courage and honor are my traits. Bravery follows me. Bushido shines on me. I am a samurai. I am a brutal warrior. Call me Apollo I am a benevolent warrior, member of the Zulu tribe. Courage fills my soul, adrenaline courses my veins. I am the upholder of righteousness, keeper of the peace, harbinger of justice. May honor shine forth, may bushido fill my soul. I am a warrior, I am Apollo's brother, I AM ADONISrT8haha i kana forced by some gangster to write down on the blog, so i write lor...what to say ah. okok... ermermerm i am damn sad larz. just read some person's blog n she sed i was mean and bad.. and darryl too haha.. COINCIDENTALLY, that evil person's name starts with e... wonder who ah.. lol its listening tomorrow lah.. i can't believe they are gonna use lotsa radios and stuff.. just like i can't believe i actually agreed to write on this blog... huh huh huh... -guess who? its quite easy lah, actually i'm confused oso.. i think its han yang here..really? oh no-rTdatta peeps!! RESET TIME! look at this, our blog's in SHAMBLES. shambles. So it's reset time! i don't care, i won't bother, someone's gotta do SOMETHING about the layout. And here's the deal, you guys post stuff, since it's a CLASS blog. sign off with ur name (if you wanna have a nic, go on!) at the bottom and you're done! Login to urlLink Blogger and sign on and POST! damn it, POST!!! XD userid:sailgirl password:3mdamnrox okay doks, you guys go! esta da gangsta added: oops, i forgot the login for the tagboard, the tagboard's gone. Someone, when doing the layout, please include the tagboard. XDrT“It's 7:45 in the morning, Another sleepless nite, Another empty day. Everyday now feels the same, Each one running into the next. I may be blue, And I may miss you, But I'm far too tired to. My head is empty, My back aches, My chest feels like the world rests on it. I could sleep, I could rest, But then I'd dream, And you'd be there And that pain makes The weight of the world seem like a balloon.r TcI'm so cold, Sitting here, I shiver, Alone, My naked soul stinged and numbed by the harsh cold, The wind, cutting through my heart, Like a thousand razor blades, I look up through my tear blurred eyes, Nothing, nothing, everywhere a nothing, A blanket of gray as far as my bloodshot eyes can see, Looking down, as I often do, I see the face of punishment, The face of a man I hardly know, Yet a man who's caused me more pain then anyman ever could. I grow hot with anger, My fist clenched tightly, Knuckles white, Tears flowing from my eyes, Why, I do not know, With all my anger I strike at my hatred, Stomping and kicking, Shattering the face, Breaking the mirror, Sending me spiraling downward, Into a black pool of depression, For I have been imprisioned by my enemy, Trapped by myself, Broken by my own body, Hated by my own mind, Damned by my insecurities.r!TrAll alone again, Another day, another night, Alone. Gazing towards the heavens, I think; Of you, Of me, Of us, Of your eyes, Of your smile, Of your kiss, Of your touch, Of your laugh, Of you sayin "I love you." Of you sayin "I want to spend forever with you" Of you with him, Of your lips on him, Of you saying "I can't live without you," Of you saying "But, I cant live without his kiss." My heart turns, My eyes burn, I try to think, Of the words to say, Words that will break your wall down, Melt your heart and arouse your soul. Of the words I can say, To get you back. No words come, But..., I love you.r"UèI lie here in bed, Eyes gazing towards the ceiling, My arms hugging my pillow tight. I close my eyes, i feel warmth, I lie here still, My arms now full of you. Open eyes, empty arms, I think I'll close my eyes, And bring back you.r#T«Have you ever seen the face of God? It's there in your eyes, Your soft, beautiful eyes. Eyes that melt my heart, Look into my soul and warm me. Into their soft glow I am pulled. Til' your soul touches mine, Wrapping and twisting around my own. Our souls slowly merge into one another, I can no longer tell you from me. You become me, I become you. In that I find love. You blink and into reality I am pulled, But, love remains.r$TZI see you there, alone. I sit here, alone. I see your face, it takes my breath away. I meet your eyes with my own, my heart melts. I hear your soft, sweet, angelic voice, it warms my soul. I love you, more then you'll ever know. I love you, more then I'll ever show. I know it'll never be, for when I look to you, You look away. I love you still.r%T½It seems like yesterday was full of gray. I used to wonder why I'm ever here, Whats the purpose to life, When your life has no meaning. All I ever felt was loniness and fear. Til' the day you came along, My heart was empty, like a day without the sun. Now I'm filled with you. Everything good in me, is you. You are my heart, full of life. You are my soul, peaceful and warm. I no longer wonder why I'm here, The answers there..., In your smile.r&TMSearching, looking, seeking, All my life wanting love, But love never was found. Hopeless, broken, defeated, I gave up, Gave in. Then I found you, A beacon of hope, Shining bright and strong. I looked for love, But love could not be found, Cause love is you. I had you, I had love, I had fullness and I had life. But you took your love, Gave it all away, Left me broken, hopeless, defeated. Now in an empty bed, With empty thoughts and empty dreams, I live, if thats living at all. I hear your voice, "I love you still," I hear you say, "Stronger and deeper then ever." But your heart is in the hands of another, Though your heart beats for me, You can't break his to be with me. "I can't live without his touch, his kiss," You say, I cry. Tears fill my emptiness, I guess love doesn't find a way, Love is cruel and love hurts, I hurt.r'ToPerfection personified, Beauty in form. A face like that of an Angel. I see Heaven in her eyes, Sin on her lips. Beauty so awesome and absolute that she surely could eclipse the brightness of the sun. Like the sun, she shines bright, Her smile could light the room ablaze, And melt the coldest heart. She has an air about her, unfitting her beauty, She is warm, caring, in a word, angelic. She has inpsired countless stories, poems, songs, and paintings. Surely she will inspire countless more. For in her Heaven and Hell shine bright, In her is life, In her the world unfolds and its secrets revealed. She is your heart.r(TCurse my heart, For it has broken me. Flooded my cheeks with tears, Inflicted my chest with pain, Forced a hate so deep into me, Hatred for myself. Not for me, but for who am I not. I hate me. Not all the time, Just now and then, More now then, then. But, if only I had, Had a love, A kiss or a hug, A warmth in my soul, A weekness in my knees, If only, If only, If only you.r)TbTears, Tears paint my face, Pour from my eyes, Wash over me, And fall, gone from my face, my life, Like you now. Yesterday, you were here, For ten years, you were here, For me, Always, My best friend, To you alone I cried. Tears, Tears, I cry, to you, For you, Gone, but in my heart. I see your eyes, Eyes full of understanding, Of love, of sadness yet happy still, I see the cute way in which you slept, I smile through the curtain of my tears. I think of that day, You alone, I alone, You lying there shaking, Seizures sweeping over you, Helpless. Now here I lie, Helpless, Helpless to stop these tears.r*TAll alone, as I've learned to be. Nothing but my thoughts as friends. Thoughts that turn to emotion, Of love, lost and not yet found, Of loneliness, of hurt, of guilt, Emotions that turn and boil within me, Boil and turn until they change, Change into tears, Tears which run my face.r+T·Day after day, Hour by hour, My Heart grows for you. How do you do it? You're no longer here yet, I smile because of you. I feel a warmth, deep down to my soul, I feel whole, I think I'm falling for you. You let me fall, Chose not to catch me, Not to break my fall. You watched me fall, Speaking only words that charmed my heart, Breaking my defenses. Fall I did, Like a star from the sky, Burning and breaking for you. Fuck you too.r,T4The movie "The Statement" is apparently based on a true story, but I didn't get that from watching it. It seems like a movie that doesnt know what it wants to do with itself. It goes one way, then another and so on. Michael Caine plays a Frenchman who ordered the murder of 7 Jews during WWII. Because of this he is a war crimminal, but he was let go when he was caught, and pardoned at one point. New charges against him surface, but he's been in hiding for decades. Hidden in a collection of safe houses and monistaries. Caine is a fantastic actor, and that is the case in this film. Were it not for him this movie would be a complete failure. It's unclear who the real bad guy in the film is. Is it Caine? Is it some other group? Is it the church? Is it the Jews? Who the hell knows. At the end the movie is dedicated to the 7 Jews that were murdered and all the others in France that died as well, if that was there goal, a film for them, man did they screw up making it. But, Caine is good, like I said and because of that I give it 2 Lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r-TurlLink The Chronological Donald, Volume 1 comprises all of Donald's solo shorts from his debut in "The Wise Little Hen" in 1934 to Chef Donald in 1941. Donald Duck has always been one of my favorite cartoon characters of all time and this set is like a treasure chest full of goodies. Watching these shorts I started remembering them from the many times I watched them as a child. I liked them then and I love them now. The two disc set comes in a fancy looking tin case and comes with a certificate of authenticity. It also includes a lil mini poster and some bonus features on the discs including a tribute to the man who provided Donalds voice for 50 years. This is a great set to have and may be a nice collectible down the line. It gets a perfect 5 Lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r.T˜"Amores Perros" tells 3 interlinked stories of people from 3 different social classes. The movie is heavy on story and is wonderfully made. Gonzalez Inarritu is a fantastic director. I loved 21 grams and his short film Powder Keg was incredibly powerful. All I really need to tell you is that the movie is good and that you should watch it. It gets an impressive 4 and a half Lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r/TÄRobert Altman is one of the greatest directors working today. That being said, this film sucks. It's the story of one girl basically (there are some small side stories) and when the movie starts out she's not a main dancer in the company. Well someone gets hurt and she is thrust into a featured role. She does great. Next show comes along and she has about the same spot as a featured player. She gets hurt. The end. There is no struggle or scenes in which she's working her ass off and thinking about giving up. The scenes with her bf don't have much depth. When she falls and hurts herself, I did not care. When the movie ended shortly after I said "what the fuck?" There were a few good points to the movie. The dance scenes were filmed very well and they were interesting to watch. Also, there is some nudity to be had which helps saves the movie from a worse rating. As it stands it comes in at a score of 2 and a half Lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r0TOurlLink "Sahara" stars the man for which my dog was named, Humphrey Bogart. This film is one of only a handful of films made about the desert conflict in World War II and this is one of them. Interestingly enough it's actually a remake of another film that was set elsewhere. As you can tell by the name of my dog, I'm a Bogart fan and he delivers a typical great performance here, one of his best. He leads a rag-tag bunch of guys, American and otherwise, through the desert in search of water and then against a group of evil Germans, by whom they are out numbered by about 10 to 1 or so. The movie is not an over the top or super patriotic, America rules kinda movie. It's a simple story about a group of soldiers and it's one fine movie. I think I shall deem it worthy of 4 and a half Lil Billy Connolly's out of 5. Go forth and watch it.r1T)Now when you hear the premise of Bubba Ho-Tep (a retirement aged Elvis, or a guy that thinks he's Elvis, and old black man who thinks he is JFK, take on an Egyptian Soul Sucker) you think, "Damn, this has got to be funny." And you'd be right. But not as right as you'd think, or at least I wasn't as right as I thought. The movie is funny, but not as funny as I thought it would be. In the case of this movie though, that's not a bad thing. Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis are great as Elvis and JFK. I like to think that Bruce Campbell's character really was Elvis, he's too good an Elvis not to be. The film has most everything, comedy, action, drama and suspense. It is highly recommended that you get the flick and watch it. You should enjoy it. It gets a Elvis worthy 4 Lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r2TnI wasn't one of those people that thought Super Troopers was crap your pants funny. It had some good laughs but the rest of the movie pulled it down. Club Dread is much the same way. Some good laughs and a lot of dead weight. Some nice tits are thrown in, which helps, but even they can't help ease the weight of all the down time. The movie takes place on an island run by a Jimmy Buffet wannabe. Drinks, fun, and sex are all thats on the menu in Club Paradise. Sounds like a good time, until someone starts slashing people up. Most everyone seems suspect at one point or another, until they turn up dead, or are attacked themselves. There are some really funny parts in the movie, such as when Coconut Pete is asked to play "Margaritaville" and he goes off about how his hit "Pina Colada-burg" came out seven years before "Margaritaville" and curses that evil Jimmy Buffet. (I may have spelt his last name wrong but I don't like the mans music so I don't care enough to look it up.) Overall it's an alright movie, could be alot better, but then again, could be a lot worth. It weighs in at 2 and a half Lil Billy Connolly's.r3TÇIn Paycheck, Ben Affleck plays a reverse engineer. I think this movie would hav ebeen better had they tried to reverse engineer themselves something, you know, good. The movie isn't complete shit. It's not even all that bad for that matter. It's just not good. There's a lot of promise in the story idea they took from Phillip K. Dick, but they don't do much with it. And somehow this reverse engineer guy knows all about kicking ass, driving a motorcycle like some kinda whacked out stuntman, and yet he still finds the time to fall in love. It's somewhat entertaining to watch for all its actiony goodness and Affleck is pretty good. Overall I give it a total of 2 and a half Lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r4T "You're just mad cause today, you sucka's got served!" Somewhere in America teens are shaking their booties in dance-offs with their "crews." Why this is happening? I don't know. Where? Again I don't know, otherwise I'd be down there watching them do their thing, cause its some funny shit. We need more street dancing, I often get the urge to drop to the ground and just start break dancing on the corner. Ok enough of that, the movie blows. It sucks. If the people in this movie could act half as well as they can dance it may be a better movie. Then again the plot is shit and is predictable, so even better actors might not help it. So in summary, the dancing is great (5 lil Billy Connolly's) the acting blows, the story is pathetic, overall it brings in a hefty 1 half of a lil Billy Connolly.r5TñThe movie Ripley's Game is fair better then it's Direct To DVD status would lead you to believe. The talented John Malkovich plays the part of Tom Ripley and does a damn fine job of doing so. I found his performance as Ripley much better then that of Matt Damons, though I did think Damon did a great job. This Ripley is an older Ripley, semi-retired I supposed you could say. The game the title refers to is the game of murder. Ripley lures in a man and watches as he plays the game. There is a lot more to then that but I don't want to give much away cause there's no fun in that and we all know I'm lazy. The movie is very well made and very much worth seeing. Being that as it is Ripley's Game receives a score of 4 out of 5 Lil Billy Connolly's.r6T¦So the other day some guy comes up to the counter and he's got "The Bourne Identity" and "Spartan" along with a Rent 1 get one free coupon. I look at the coupon and say, "sorry but this has expired." So he decides he only wants one movie and tells me to put "Spartan" back. Wrong move. Both movies are action type films. One of them is very good and the other is a heaping pile of crap. The good one is Spartan, you can guess the bad one. Spartan stars Val Kilmer in a political/action/thriller that is very tightly made. Unlike the Bourne Identity, this movie is well written, well acted, and finely crafted. Val Kilmer is fantastic as the Special Ops agent ordered to get back the Presidents kipnapped daughter. The movie isn't your typical action-thriller, thats part of what sets it apart. This is a fantastic movie and you should go watch it right away, or soon at the very least. It gets 4 lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r7TÓI wasn't sure what to expect when I sat down to watch the Station Agent. A friend had told me it was good but that's all I really knew about it. Well my friend was right, the movie is good, very good. The main character in the movie is a very simple and boring fella named Fin. Fin just happens to be a dwarf. His main interest in life are trains, fake ones, real ones, books about em, movies with em, it don't matter as long its about trains. He keeps to himself though. Until he moves into the train depot and meets Joe and Olivia. This movie is funny, moving and just flat out good. There's a scene in which Fin sits in a crowded bar, alone and drinking, finally he stands up on his chair and yells "Here I am, take a look." It's amazing how cruel people can be and I rarely have thought about how hard it would be to be that short, despite the fact that my brother is a dwarf. Do yourself a favor, watch this movie. It gets 4 and a half lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r8TEThe Rundown is just a good ole fashioned action movie. Good fights, some decent one liners and explosions. I must admit, while I'm not a wrestling fan, I do enjoy the Rock. I didn't watch the Scorpion King or whatever it was, and don't plan on it. In this movie he is good and he's funny. He's an action star I could get use to watching whenever I need a movie that I don't have to think too deeply about. Here he is a retrival expert. After taking down a football team he heads off to the jungle to get his boss's kid so he can get outta the game and go straight. Of course it's not gonna be that easy. Lots of asses need kicking and things need to be blown up. It's a good movie (note I said movie not film, there is a difference) and I enjoyed it. For those reasons it gets a good 3 and a half lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r9TªTupac Resurrection is a documentary unlike most I've seen. The film, directed by Lauren Lazin, uses Tupac to narrate the entire movie. It's somewhat chilling to hear him talking about his death but, it gives the movie that much more of an impact. I am not a big rap fan at all, and while I do like a few Tupac songs, I'm not a big Tupac fan either. I think I may be a bigger one after watching this film though. You see all the ups and downs of the rapper through home movies, photos and of course his voice. Even if you're not a rap fan or a Tupac fan I think most people would still enjoy this movie. For that reason I'm gonna hook it up with 4 outta 5 lil Billy Connolly's.r:TªTupac Resurrection is a documentary unlike most I've seen. The film, directed by Lauren Lazin, uses Tupac to narrate the entire movie. It's somewhat chilling to hear him talking about his death but, it gives the movie that much more of an impact. I am not a big rap fan at all, and while I do like a few Tupac songs, I'm not a big Tupac fan either. I think I may be a bigger one after watching this film though. You see all the ups and downs of the rapper through home movies, photos and of course his voice. Even if you're not a rap fan or a Tupac fan I think most people would still enjoy this movie. For that reason I'm gonna hook it up with 4 outta 5 lil Billy Connolly's.r;T{This movie should be called "The Big Flop" or "The Big Thud" well you get the idea. Good cast, including a mustachioed Charlie Sheen but a shitty movie. OK. Maybe shitty is a bit much. For its not a bad movie, its just very very dull. And it lacks anything that makes one care about the movie or the people in it. It bounces in with a score of 2 Lil Billy Connolly's outta 5.r<TÇSomeone was telling me Spiderman 2 is the second highest rated movie by critics this year. That's insane. Has everyone become mildly retarded? Or have movies just gotten that bad? Perhaps both. Some background. I found the first Spiderman movie to blow. It was a crappy movie on many levels. Spiderman 2 is much much better. But thats like saying a sunburns better then being set on fire. Of course it is. The dialogue is not this movie's strong point. It's very bad. The action scenes are cool until you notice how fake Spiderman looks half the time, cause he's CGI. When I see that, I'm taken outta the movie and the movie loses it's magic. Along with all the great reviews, people are crowning it the greatest comic book movie ever. I don't buy that either. I've now seen the movie twice and my opinion on it dropped even more after the second viewing. It's not bad, but its far from great. I'd have to give it right around 3 outta 5 lil Billy Connolly's.r=T So I see this DVD and I'm like, "Hmm, I haven't heard of this..." Matthew McConaughey, Gary Oldman, Kate Beckinsale, and the one and only Peter Dinklage, great cast I think. Then I see something that catches my eye, McConaughey's dwarf brother is played by Gary Oldman?!?!? Is this the same Gary Oldman? The 5'10 Gary Oldman? Yes. This movie should be called Shittoes. Everyone in the movie gives a decent performance, especially McConaughey and Dinklage. However, Oldman is just ridiculous as the dwarf. He looks awful. It's distracting, its insulting, there's no reason he should be playing that character. What's he going to do next? Throw on some black make up and play a black man? Do yourself a favor and don't watch this movie. It gets 1 out of 5 Lil Billy Connolly's.r>TÝ there are different types of email clients. on the pc side of the world you can maybe differentiate between outlook-like types (easy and unflexible) and netscape mail-like types (the classical 3 panel setup - folders, messages, message preview - multiple accounts, filters and so on..). i've always been in the latter camp with using, certainly, netscape, urlLink pmmail/2 and for the last years urlLink the bat . the bat has always been the closest to pmmail, that's why it has been chosen at the time (some 4 years ago) and it was fast as hell even with giant message bases at that time of some 10.000 messages. but - this was then and now is now. the world of email changed radically, first with the heavy increase of spam, than of virii and worms and later with the demand for increased mobility and the need for synchronisation or online access to you mailbox by IMAP. today, message bases of power users count in the gigabytes and 100.000 messages. using an email client seems to be a bit like driving a car of a certain brand. when you need a new car you take the successor of your old one. so, when a new version of my mail client is released, i certainly use that. with the bat it was the same, i shelled out the 45 EUR for the business version, i use it partly for that purpose and appreciate the work on a program of that complexity. but then, things went ugly. the IMAP support in the bat's 1.x branch was crude but usable, it basically provided the same functionality like you had with POP3. the 2.0 release of the bat, expected and announced for years, promised high and mighty "full IMAPrev1 support" - but what an exaggeration! from the developers point of view this statement may even have been right - client and server could exchange commands and data according to IMAPrev1 - but the client side was so lousy! basic UI considerations like instant feedback was not provided. filtering mechanisms - the proud of the POP3 side of the bat just didn't work. but not enough, after waiting some months until the arrival of a maintenance version which, after some testing, provided at least an again usable IMAP support i bought my license in the hope that urlLink ritlabs (the developers of the bat) are working on fullfilling their promises. a week later they suddenly removed the "full IMAP-support" advertising. great. i bought a new version with a lot of new but mostly questionable usefull features minus one usefull. thanks. it was time to look thoroughly for an alternative. finding an email client with full IMAP support turned out to be hopeless - if i didn't want to change to, cough, outlook. yes, outlook is the only email client on the market which uses the strong points of IMAP to an extent, that you could call "innovative". it hurts a bit to say such things abut the big evil from redmond ;), but hey, honour where honour belongs to.. IMAP offers multiple connections to servers, server side folders and searching, server side implemented instant notification about new messages without the need to check "every x minutes" (not all servers support all features, but there are enough out there who do). but these features are supported only by outlook and to some extent by urlLink mulberry (which has a lot of drawbacks in other areas, IMHO) ok, i forgot about my IMAP dreams and concentrated on the client's capabilities when it comes to managing my mail. i have multiple accounts, i have a lot of contacts, receive some 100 mails a day and never throw away anything - i keep even spam for some time - you never know what's gonna happen to your penis ;) after installing and uninstalling some ten or fifteen different demo versions of email clients i sat back and tried to tackle the problem differently - by thinking about it. my first question was " what is email? " email is an exchange of information - and more and more a tool for archiving it. you can at best compare it with the letters and documents you find in your (real life) mailbox. and suddenly i realized something strange: in the last years i had developed two completely different approaches of handling email on the one side and dead tree documents on the other. in RL i try to spend as few time as possible on organizing my working life. i get the bills, enter them into the tax program, put them in a file and that's it. quarterly i do my turnover tax statement and put the file with the bills into a box. all letters which require a reaction go into a todo file - everything else gets into a different file and into a big box at the end of the year - which goes into the basement later. that's it. this way, all i have lying around in my office are two files and a box. when i need a letter from a year ago, i know, it's somewhat deeper in the box and search for it. this takes less time then organizing everything in different files for different senders, months or whatever - considered how seldom i need a year old letter.. but - when it comes to email i suddenly behave like 65 year old prussian bureaucrat. i have some 200 folders and subfolders in the bat, write extensive filters to move incoming mail into them and look proudly at this manic work of a psychopath. why do i do this? i have no clue! all i usually do is looking into the inbox for unread mail, read them, answer them or put a red flag on them if i want to answer them later. sometimes i need to refer to an older message, let's say a seller's message from ebay and scroll thru my 2000 pixel long folders tree until i come to business|ebay|sellers|unfinished deals. or i just press f7 and wait 10 seconds until i get 20 results which i scroll thru to find the mail from yesterday. or i take some 10 seconds more time to refine the filter to include only mails not older then 3 days old. but hell, why did i filter the mail in the first place when i now do the good old search/eye ball search thing?! obviously, something went wrong in my routine in the last years. and then i remembered the "revolutionary" new mail client in my browser of choice, urlLink opera . incidently at the same time opera entered the 7.5er beta cycle which brought improvements for urlLink the mail client - and so i gave it a try. what shall i say - someone in norway had the same thoughts like me. opera mail fits perfectly to the routine i describe above. it's approach is to put everything into one big box, a database obviously. a database you can index, and everyone who knows a bit about databases knows what this means to search speed. nowadays i have some filters for reoccuring types of emails (status mails from my servers, one folder for ebay and folders for mailing lists) and everything else i do with incoming mail is giving them labels (mainly todo and mail back). all my mail but the above mentioned regulars arrives into the inbox, i read them, give them a label or just mark them read. a nice thing about the inboxis, that you can make it to "show only unread mails" so that all mails i dealed with just disappear - which is very rewarding somehow ;) (if i pressed to fast "mark as read" - no problem, ctrl-z works as it should) when i need a mail from some time ago, i go into the big "received" folder and type a detail from the mail into the quicksearch box. with every letter i type the amount of mail shown in that windows shrinks until i find the mail i was looking for. with a drop down box with options like "show mails from this week" or "show mails from today" i can quickly refine my search. all this usually doesn't take longer than 2 seconds and i found the mail i was looking for. HEAVEN! in the end, opera mail sacrificed a little bit of flexibility for speed and usability - that's a price I am willing to pay. the problem with the bat and it's developers, ritlabs, is, that they never listened to their user base, nor thought about the changes in the world of email in general and, instead, implemented features without plan and vision. meanwhile, they get more and more autistic by shutting down the user forum on their website without announcement and explanation, and beside announcements of new betas almost noone is talking to their beta testers anymore. (not that they did very much in the last years anyway..) somehow i have to say "thank you" to ritlabs - for giving me a decent mail client over years - and forcing me to think about what went wrong lately ;)r?T´Well, Field Day was a blast this year. I was at the site from 2pm Saturday afternoon until 9am Sunday morning. I was glad I brought my 6 meter setup, as the band opened up nicely out west and into Texas and Louisana. Colorado and western Nebraska were also contacted by urlLink W8VP. As an added bonus, some friends and I worked a young lady in Texas with a very sexy voice. Ahh the urlLink Magic Band . . . I love a good band opening. Today I helped a ham friend troubleshoot his 2 meter mobile setup. He has a Kenwood TM-261A that starts buzzing when he transmits on high power. It works fine on mid and low power, and he can run high power without problems with the engine running. I suspected he had a voltage drop. Sure enough, he did. His power cord to the battery is about twice as long as it needs to be, and is joined in the middle with a small gauge wire that probably can't handle 10 amps @ 12 volts. When his alternator runs, the car voltage ramps up to 13.8 volts, which overcomes the loss in the power cable. I fixed it temporarily, but I think he'll eventually need a shorter, thicker power cable ran directly from the radio to the car battery. On the job front I took a look at some job apps, one from a gas station and another from a grocery store. I'll fill them out and deliver them tomorrow. I've been struggling to write a program in Pascal to incorporate Fibonacci's sequence. I haven't thought about it enough to make any progress. I think that taking real-world problems and translating them into mathematical expressions is the hardest part of computer programming. So far it hasn't been easy to learn some of this stuff because my understanding of calculus and even algebra is weak.r@UurlLink I'm at Field Day.rAUWouldn't it be refreshing if politicians actually said what they thought? urlLink Cheney has done just that. Bad day, indeed.rBTàI take back the minor complement I gave Bill Clinton in an earlier post. In his urlLink interview with the BBC, Clinton seems to place blame for his problems at others' feet. His inability to effectively combat the growing Al Qaida threat is due to not wanting to be perceived as "changing the subject" from the Starr investigation. He pulls a Perot and repeatedly makes references to others' driving his ambitions, not himself. I did find the theme of parallel lives in the interview to be an interesting study in the man who still holds such sway over the Democratic party. I find it strange that he says he did all he could to combat terrorism, and that he couldn't have invaded Afghanistan without raising distrust and fear in the international community. I'll concede that. But by his own admission he could have done more to put pressure on the people who struck at our embassies overseas and the USS Cole. I know that when it comes to 9/11, there's plenty of blame to spread around. But to place the majority of the blame on the nine month old Bush administration is blind partisanship. I think its clear that September 11 was such a event that nothing could've been done to stop it. At least, not without the benefit of 20/20 hindsight.rCTÛAs a staunch Republican with some socially moderate views, I find the coverage of Bill Clinton's urlLink My Life quite interesting. I find it refreshing that he admits he made mistakes, even though it seems that he takes every opportunity to bash Ken Starr. Because, after all, we all know that the Monica Lewinsky scandal was Starr's fault, not Bill's. Yeah, right. Starr was always the left's whipping boy during the independent counsel investigation. I do not believe that Starr was motivated by a venomous, nearly rabid hate of Bill Clinton. Starr was not desperate to bring down Clinton at any cost. He was not the visible face of some nebulous "right wing conspiracy." He was a man driven by duty and the rule of law. To see Clinton's excesses and indiscretions during his investigation must have lit a fire under him. He was outraged, as anybody who holds the office of the Presidency sacred should be. As My Life shows, Starr was not Clinton's worst enemy. Clinton himself was. During a urlLink BBC interview, Clinton became visibly angry and indignant after a series of tough questions about the Lewinsky affair. He's as tired of the Lewinsky mess as everybody else. People, just read the book and shut up. I will do both.rDUÐAs a followup to a previous post, the Time Warner Cable Online site was actually urlLink www.twcol.com. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a relevant job posting related to the newspaper ad on that site. Geez!rET+I spent the day providing amateur radio communications for the urlLink The Great Ohio Bicycle Adventure. Its a tour of Ohio that's held every year in a different part of the state. Its got some great scenery if you're willing to view it while pumping your heart out across this fine country. The urlLink hams on the event covered a huge route that crossed three counties. Its doubtful that the event would be possible without our support. Yesterday I called the local municipal court about my application for network technician. The woman that answered said that she'd received over 40 applications, and that she'd be conducting interviews in mid-July. Hopefully I'll make at least the first cut. Even if I don't get the job, I'd feel better about myself if I just had an interview with a live human being. Yes, I'm just that desperate. I also noticed a local gas station is hiring. I got an application, but was told that the HR person would be calling for interviews TODAY. I may try to return it by the end of the week and see if it will still be accepted.rFT˜If I was a conspiracy nut, I would find urlLink this rather interesting. A commercial jet lands at a military airport and the passengers are instructed to pull the shades on their windows and not look outside. Creepy. This comes after I watched the latest Bond installment Die Another Day. In the movie all hell breaks loose in the Korean DMZ and it makes the papers as a "freak electrical storm". Art imitates life, or vice versa? I saw an ad in today's paper about a tech support position for Time Warner Cable in the cable internet division. Its an ideal position for me, since I have experience in customer service and tech support over the phone to friends who can't seem to get their computers up and running. The ad stipulates that I visit urlLink www.twol.com to apply for the gig. The wierd thing is, the site at that address has no relation to Time Warner Cable, at least none that I can discern. Creepy.rGT+I spent today working on that simple Pascal program that I couldn't get to compile a few evenings ago. It turns out I was trying to change the value of a identifier that I had declared a constant. A rookie mistake. That's appropriate, considering I'm a rookie. I tried programming a few years ago in college, but I had no idea what the hell I was doing since the classes moved so quickly. Plus we were using C++, which I've been told is overload for beginning programmers. I have the distinct feeling that all those folks I was in class with coded every day before they ate dinner. Or, instead of dinner. Either way, they knew craploads more than me. I'm also trying out Pascal because a.) Its easy to get a compiler and run it under Linux, and b.) I'm really bored and looking for something to occupy my time during job searching. I saw an ad in the local paper today about needing help at a gas station. I don't relish the prospect of doing that kind of work again, but I'm running out of options. I think I'll ask for an application the next time I'm in town.rHTòI took it easy today. I spent some time watching From the Earth to the Moon on DVD. Also, I had a wicked grounding issue here in the radio shack. When my computer keyed up my radio, the audio coming out of the soundcard into the radio was trashed with a ground-loop hum. Its hard to describe, but those of you who have encountered this problem know exactly what I'm talking about. In the end all I had to do was tie a ground wire to my computer and it cleared right up. Sometimes you can get nasty interference effects when you use radios and computers side by side. Although I didn't refer to it when changing the ground, I recommend urlLink The ARRL RFI Book. Its chock full of good how-to tips and directions on troubleshooting interference issues.rIT¸After getting back from my friend's viewing hours, I decided to kick back with a little home entertainment. Being a broke SOB, I'm forced to check out DVD's from the local library. Its really not the hell that it sounds. As long as I'm patient I can get whatever title I want, provided its not too obscure. Or risque. After all, we are talking about public funds. I mentioned in a previous post that we'd had some serious thunderstorms move through the area. It turns out that it dumped over two inches in the span of an HOUR. That's a lot of rain. The whole yard has basically become a swamp, and the field next to my home sounds like a waterfall. Crazy. I haven't heard any reports of property damage, but there was some serious problems around the county for a few hours after the storm hit. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. It will be a bit of a respite from what has otherwise proved to be a troubling week. Assuming of course it doesn't rain.rJTßWritten 6/15/2004, 4;20pm After trying to work in a late morning nap after attending the first part of the CERT training class, I am rudely interrupted by a double whammy. My mom continually asks me pointless questions that can't wait until I acheive full consciousness, AND a nasty thunderstorm moves through the area dropping over 2 inches of rain. Believe me, a storm like that makes enough noise to cause concern, even when you aren't trying to make up for lost sleep.rKT#I just sat through the first hour of CERT training. It was interesting enough considering it was held at 8am. The best aspect of the training is when a skilled professional adds their input to the basic curriculum. For example, this morning we heard from a local fire chief on the incident command system. He's knowledgeable and prepared to give his perspective based on 27 years of active duty as a firefighter. I'll visit my late friend at the funeral home this evening. I don't know how to feel about it. I guess I'll find out when I see him.rLTqI learned this afternoon that a friend of mine had passed away. It wasn't altogether unexpected, but in a way it was. Gee, can I be more vague? I haven't felt really teary eyed about it, but throughout the day I've found myself thinking about things we had done together, or conversations that we'd had. No more of that now. A mutual friend feels the same way. "I can't help thinking about him," he says, and that's it exactly. I'll miss him. But, given his personal circumstances, I've been missing him for a while. As for the job quest, I mailed my application for a network technician opening to the local municipal court. I think its a long shot. I got the opening from the local paper, which means that they probably have at LEAST a hundred applicants. All of them with better credentials than I, no doubt. I sent it anyway, as I can't let my self-defeating mentality get the best of me. Tomorrow morning (or this morning, as I look at the clock), I'll be attending the first class of CERT training. For those of you who aren't aware, it stands for Community Emergency Response Team. It was the brainchild of some folks out in L.A. Its designed to give people a modest background in disaster work and preparedness. Nice to see all those post-9/11 dollars trickling down to the local level. If you're interested in reading more about the program, check out urlLink EMI's CERT page.rMUGIs my email-to-blog function working? Or do I need to fetch the hammer?rNUÙHello. This is just a test to see if I've got the settings for the blog correctly implemented. I'm not going to keep it, since it seems a thunderstorm is closing in that will certainly play hell with my electricity.rOTTwo things to comment on. Well, three actually. Item 1: President Bush stumped in our little town today. It was the same stump speech he gave on Friday in Cleveland. After a stop in Canton, Ohio this morning, he showed up here in Cambridge at about 2:15pm. Things would've been a bit better if we hadn't waited four hours in the rain before he came on. But, why complain? After all, the last time we had a sitting president visit was 1912. Yeesh, that's almost a century ago. Interestingly enough, John Kerry and John Edwards are speaking as I write this in Zanesville, Ohio, about 25 miles to the west. I'm not hearing anything different from the Democrats tonight than I heard at the Democratic Convention last week. I didn't buy into it the first time I heard it. Item 2: I started ( or re-started ) my old job. I received my first paycheck today, which I promptly blew on pro-Bush propaganda and pornography. Actually, I just bought some stuff I needed from Wal-Mart. I can't stand going in there to buy things, but going to K-Mart just makes me depressed. And speaking of depressed, my old job makes me feel that way. Hopefully I can lose it soon in favor of the Time Warner Cable tech support gig. Item 3: Read urlLink http://blamebush.typepad.com . I'm not sure of the author's true political leanings, but I don't care. This blog is funny as hell. Beware though- if you take politics so seriously that you can't laugh at yourself, this site will just make you go through your blood pressure medication quicker. That is all!rPTªToday I got a call from Time Warner Cable about the resume I submitted for a technical support position. They want to meet with me tomorrow morning for an interview. OK, this is good. Unfortunately this position would be a 20 minute drive away, which may be too much for my tired old car to handle on a daily basis. If the job looks to be worth it I will find some way to make it happen. This interview gives me hope anyway, even if for whatever reason I don't get the job. As a radio ham, the events of the sun interest me. It may not be obvious to those outside this hobby but the condition of the sun plays a major role in radio propagation. Recently solar flares have erupted, causing some strange conditions on the radio. Some of these conditions are strange enough to cause aurora as far south as Texas. Here in Ohio we may get some aurora soon. Check urlLink www.spacew.com out for an idea of how likely aurora is where you are.rQTôTwo friends and I made a journey yesterday to the big city. Our goal was to introduce a friend to urlLink Chipotle Mexican Grill . As a fan of Mexican food in general, from my standpoint it was a crime for him to have neglected such a fine restaurant. If you're into burritos, I can think of no better place to eat. Try the hottest sauce they have. You won't regret it. As a sideline we also hit the radio dealer, or in amateur radio, the urlLink candy store . We bought a few things but nothing of note. I tried to show one of my friends the joys of synchronous AM, but the HF bands were so bad I couldn't find any station with enough fading to be able to appreciate its quality. Oh well, another trip perhaps. And surely another burrito to go with it.rRT‚I just heard this morning that I'm going back to work for my old employer. Its a meager convenience store clerk position that I had during my college years. I don't really look forward to going, but at this point I really don't have a choice. I've tried just about every other option, including state employment. There's just no opportunity around here. Or if there is, I can't find it.rSTI got a nice letter from the Public Utilities Commission of Ohio today telling me I didn't get the job I applied for last month. Oh well. At least they were courteous enough to send me a letter. I would've liked a state job. From what I've heard, the benefits are decent, the atmosphere is somewhat relaxed and its difficult to get fired or laid off. That's a nice combination. Actually, I'm sorry I didn't get the job because I was looking forward to referring to PUCO as "Puke-o". Who needs perks when you work at a place called "Puke-o"?rTTØI know, I know. You don't want to hear about Gmail anymore. Well, let me recommend a few Gmail utilities, and then I'll shut up about it. If you're like me and have kept all your email since the late 1990's in a Netscape mail box, then you'll want to try either one (or both) of the utilities below. Mark Lyon has written a gem called urlLink GML . It reads a Netscape mail file and automatically sends your messages to your new Gmail account. urlLink gExodus by Cheah Chu Yeow does essentially the same thing, but was written differently. I found gExodus to be more reliable than GML, but I think that's due to my computer. Both do work, and if you use them be sure to thank the authors for such cool and useful software.rUT³The job interview for the ad sales gig went well. At least, I think it did. Its always difficult to gauge your own performance in these things. I spoke with the manager and to be honest, she did most of the talking. She was explaining the position and I was eager to hear about it. I hope I didn't come off as too passive. I suppose the ultimate barometer of sucess in these things is getting the job. I'm looking forward to this holiday weekend, though I'm not sure why. Outside of a minor get-together here at the homestead I'm not planning on hitting any big shindigs. The most exciting thing I'll do is watch Clay Aiken perform on A Capitol Fourth. The sound will be muted, of course.rVT£A friend of mine hooked me up with a Gmail account. If you don't know what Gmail is, then you don't really need it. Anyway, I know what it is and I don't need it either. But it is cool as hell, considering you get a mail service with a gigabyte of storage along with the famous Google search. I've already used it to wade through my old mail. Now I can find stuff that I thought I'd either lost or deleted. Incidentally, some of my mail dates back to 1997. No, I do delete stuff. Just not enough. Anyway, if you can get a Gmail account, by all means try it. I'm loving it. I've got a morning interview tomorrow with someone the local temp agency put me in touch with. The job is selling advertising for a local free tabloid paper. Its part time, probably no benefits and $8 per hour. That's actually a reasonable wage here. I have no idea how it will go, but I'm crossing my fingers. Frankly, I'm happy to be getting an interview.rWT$A promising job lead has cropped up. At least by my standards its a promising lead. I called the local temp agency and the woman I spoke to thought she might have some work for me. Its a vague, almost non-existent possibility but in my present state I consider that to be a good thing. She'll call me later this morning. I just hope I'm conscious enough to hold a coherent conversation with her. I ate at urlLink Chipotles tonight. My stomach is telling me to run out and get some hi-octane antacid, but I'm resisting. I'd rather tough it out like the clueless masculine dumbass I am. Anyway, its not like I'd be asleep right now anyway. I haven't got to bed before 2am in weeks. The urlLink Cassini space probe has sucessfully entered orbit around Saturn. Its on a four-year mission to discover little-known obscure scientific trivia about the ringed planet that geeks like me will find cool as hell. Later this year it will jettison its probelet Huygens towards Saturn's moon Titan. Titan is one of the few places besides Earth that may have a shot at harboring life. The cool thing about Cassini is that it has thousands (if not millions; I'm not sure of the exact number) of signatures that have been digitally scanned onto a DVD and bolted onto the side of the spacecraft. Back in the mid-90's NASA requested that folks sign their name onto a postcard and send it in to have it included. Cool huh? I think I got a few friends and family to sign my card. Its mind-blowing to realize that my late father's signature is orbit around Saturn at this very moment.rXTWell today I spent a miserable 8 hours at the workplace. I was on the maintenance beat, which today also included stocking the new products that came in from our convenience store distributor. Not too bad, but the real problem today was putting up with a co-worker that really REALLY gets on my nerves. I have to work with him again tomorrow and then I won't have to deal with him for the foreseeable future. I can survive one more day I suppose. My life as it is isn't dangerous enough, so I've begun thinking about riding a motorcycle. I've never ridden one before, but it looks fun. I've ridden a bicycle on some of the rural roads next to my home, and I feel like I could handle a motorcycle of medium stature. I've looked at the Suzuki Savage, the Honda Shadow Aero and of course, Harley Davidsons. The Hondas have a good reputation as being mechanically bulletproof, and since I'm not a gearhead that can easily fix a problem, I'm leaning in their direction. Plus, they seem to be reasonably priced. Here in Ohio you can take a urlLink state motorcycle training course that will serve as your practical, on-cycle test for the permanent license. The classes are all booked up, but I may try to walk-in to a course in Zanesville in October. By then perhaps enough people will forget about it, or will think its too cold to ride in October. Either way, odds are good that I can show up and be included.rYTIt took a long time to publish my blog.It,rather is a long time between the first and one that is published now.This period of hibernation was not because that,I was busy during this time.But,it was due to the fact that I nearly forgot about my blog account. How did I really remember about this one? Why should I remember about this one? The difference between the status of my first and only blog and the present one is,that,I was jobless and had a lot of time to browse about blogger.com. Now,I have the same free time ,but with a job of more responsibilities and less work.I can blog for hours without being disturbed. I am still waiting for a high point in my life to occur,because,I can't see myself sitting in front of the computer doing nothing.I am thinking for a job change ,but in a software company as a programmer.Even that requires sitting in front of the computer for longer hours than now.But,I will be paid better and atleast won 't get bored. I will get my head tonsured ,if,I could get a pay 4 times my present pay.rZTL Whenever ,I start writing these blogs under each heading,my mind turns in to a different mode.My other blog "my mistakes?!! " contains explicit crib.I start to crib about crib about everything and finally add that everything was my mistake. Everytime,I open the "views" ,my mood changes to a different mode.I start writing about women.I start to scream in my mind " I am becoming a sex maniac".Wherever ,I go,people watch porn.So,I start watching too.Then ,every naked woman looks awful and boring. In every post of my "views" ,I criticise a woman.I think ,I am becoming more of a male fanatic than a lover. My mind has become a paradox.I will just explain it to you ,what it is. When I look at a woman from a distance ,I imagine that this woman ,I am looking at to be a gorgeous and a perfect woman in every respect.But,when I get to one,my mind starts to dislike that lady.I never mentioned this to anybody because,anybody who hears this could say that,I am crazy.There is only perosn who knows about this ,my colleague Ajay.I told him about this and he said" your mind denies what you want." I know that,I create my own fantasies and when these are not fulfilled,I start to dislike what I have. Ajay is a strong guy,in the sense that,he can acknowledge reality.He knows the things he can't do and what he can.He dissects everything and presents real facts which sometimes are diturbing.These facts ,just deny you of dreaming.Realism,when presented the hard way restricts you from proceeding further into achieving your dreams.When hard realistic without any solutions are presented by most unsuccessful people becomes hard to digest. I started to begin the quest of studying people and their reaction to situations as a way to go through people to achieve my own benefits.Now,when ,I am at the middle of my study,I have to study my own reactions.It just makes me feel that Iam a different person altogether. Studying my psyche,I began as a boy,a fat boy,fat gay,then a slim gay and then again to a boy I really imagined was.This cycle left me to wonder whether ,really ,I am a male or just pretending to be a guy just for the sake of the society ,I was a part.I just prepared a theory ,that every male begins and transforms into accorrding to their own success and failures.A loser starts to think negatively about himself and has delusions about what he really is not.while a successful guy thinks everything positive about him,and even feels that everybody should feel positive about him.In the back of his mind he knows his weakness. I am positive about mycareer,but,my career doesn't seem to move forward.There are two people who have a stagnant life.The lift operator and the security guard who have a stagnant career.They just eat ,drink and sleep.I don't want to be anything like them.I just want to be a mover and shaker .I want to make a difference in everybody 's life.r[T Girls will be girls .And girls are stupid.Thats what you should believe.Its not that you should fanatically follow this rule about the stupidity of women.But,follow it as rule to just understand them better.Never try to be too harsh with them,please.If a tiger ,whale or anyother animal needs compassion ,so should a female get a little bit of kindness from the males. When , you say that "All women are stupid,and those who are not stupid are not women", you will find a woman say that ,"there is a girl here".How stupid can a girl get? At an young age all girls are nearly are the same as boys.When they reach the start of their puberty ,they start becoming stupid.Stupidity in women cannot be defined.If you are not a female you will just know that they are stupid.It is just that ,the cuteness of their stupidity which attracts me. You got to give them the credit for their stupidity.They create a wide variety of stupid situations ,you think you had passed through this situations before.Wait! you are in for a trap,this time they give you an altogether a different situation with a variation of the earlier one. They are like computer viruses,they get installed into your computer without your permission and stall your activity by holding onto your data.They get to your address book and mail themselves to all your contacts. Women are like computer worms ,they come into your life undetected and keep replicating themselves until you cry out for space. When you try to remove your virus(women)they take something of value along with them. Sometimes,I feel that a stupidity of a woman gets more obvious when she gets married .That's when her husband gets to know about her more.There are more than her knowing her innate stupidity. Its not that she is born stupid.It is that she grows without knowing her capabilities or the boundaries for being stupid.When a girl is born people bring her up in an environment in which she it is usual for her to act stupid and the men are the people who should rack their brains.This is the start,where a female loses her analytical ability ,the ability to reason. Females lose the ability to respond well under diverse of situations,because they are more in situations where they have the support of their family. More or less,the males are more of losers.Every diverse stare strongly in their faces.Family members always feel that men when they are in wrong situations,it is always his responsibility to come up with something as a break through. In this world ,it is just "Female stupidity Vs Male weakness".r\TqAnother period of my life has gone without posting anything .I was trying to prepare myself for an interview with Siemens(SISL) at an entry level.My preparation was pretty much unorganised. I got very much excited and nervous about attending the interview that,I felt that such a large company would provide tough questions for an interview. The interview was on Monday.I went through all of C,C++ and protocol suites.The whole of saturday and sunday was wasted on those subjects.I was very much confident on JAVA ,because this was very much my domain. I didn't get a copy of my re'sume' and found that cyber cafes don't open at 9.00a.m every day.So,I found my b-in-law on the road ,went to his office and took a copy . I boarded the bus and after walking for nearly 2KM found SISL in the interior of Gurgaon(should have called them for a landmark).The interview was at 10.30a.m.I entered SISL building and was called for an interview exactly at 10.30a.m. I thought ,companies in India shouldn't be that punctual.They should atleast follow the usual waiting game.I am pretty much accustomed to that protocol. The people interviewing me were pretty much looked ike kids.The guy was floundering for questions and the gal looked somewhat odd.I had to write down most of the questions in order to understand what the guy was asking about and the gal distracted me for most of the time.I couldn't answer some questions which were quite basic to me.Oh!my god !this girl has large things ,jutting out of her very interiors.Thats it! It was her teeth that distracted me. Well,she was supposed to ask me questions on database languages.But,I didn't write those in my CV.But ,she insisted on asking me something on databases.I told her ,i am very much ignorant about the databases ,except that I can just look on to the book to write the queries for a database. I contacted the HR guy after 2 days .He told me the rejection of my candidature rather beautifully.It was like this "Your name has not featured in the short-listed candidates,but ,I will recommend your re'sume' to other companies". There goes my first software interview after 2 years of waiting for one.r]T I was sick last week.The doctor wasn 't quite sure what he was treating for.He sent me up for a dengue and malarial tests.It was blowing hot outside in Delhi.I was burning at 102 degrees,but ,by the time I reached the doctor,the temperature had shot up to 104 degrees.The doctor gave me an alternative ,get admitted to the hospital or he will adjust the treatment right away. On Monday ,morning,I was feeling cold in my palm.I was just dabbling at the idea of going to work.My brother-in-law,had an early flight to catch at 7.00AM(I live with my sister and brother-in-law for the last 8 months after my employment).I just figured out ,that,it would be a terrible mistake to just go to my work place a rough 28KM from home.I nodded my head over everything my brother-in-law gave as instructions.The help maid was the first person to know that ,I was ill.By the time she cleaned the place and the utensils,my brother-in-law called.I told him to call my parents at Chennai(capital of a state in India called Tamil Nadu). I just made sure atleast an emotional support could be possible.I called up my office to tell them ,I could not come.Still the manager was insisting that ,I come and explain everything to the backup engineer(I am an outsourced network administator). The whole of Monday passed with the fever.The very next at 10.00Am ,my brother-in-law's office mate helped me with all the doctor and stuff.He even got me into their company's guest house. I was on a viscous rice solution for 2 and half days.The guy at the guest house was even bored seeing me eat the same thing everyday.I just told him that I will be leaving the guesthouse on Friday,before that I had a good north-Indian meal minus the oil. I felt weak when I reached my home.I had bread and jam for breakfast,slept for a while and started cooking for my lunch.I sure was tired and my legs couldn't keepup with the pace .I called up my manager and told him that I will get to the office on Monday.He asked me to come on saturday.Just imagine how merciless and less human when normal workers become managers.They could just make things easier for everybody,but,no they just want their work done.I told him that ,I was tired and weak to even go for field calls. Even when your are not doing anything it is fun to just lie down in the sofa and sleep all day.r^T; I got a call from Rahul,the manager who handles the metlife operations.He said ,come to CMS office Amar,I have something to talk.I knew this guy for only 2 months,and I can catch a whiff of what this guy was upto.I asked him,is it for attending calls? His tone began to come down.He said ,he has a shortage of engineers and I need to fill the space.I couldn' t say no.I asked him the time at which ,I had to be there in CMS (he said he wants me at 9.30AM).I don't care a shit about this guy ,because ,I have to cook food and get out of the house. I reached CMS on Saturday ,at 11.00 AM.Last time ,he said ,he doesn't want to hear my personal execuses.This time ,he asked me why i was late again.I said ,"sir,I don't want to bore you with my personal execuses ,and we could get on with the call".I got the place where ,I was to take charge from another guy in CP. I reached JantarMantar and walked till Barakhamba to Gopaldas building.It wasn't too bad just 2 KMS.On reaching ,I had to wait for minutes just to board the lift and found IGL at the 14th floor.The guy ,I had to help was a lean and lousy guy from Noida.We played pool in the computer and saw porn together. He said,the other engineer used t guide him through the web and even allowed chatting.I got bored seeing porn . I reached home at 6.30PM and started cooking .I had my supper with TV,then,studied JSP and slept at 12.00 at night. On Sunday,washed the clothes in the washing machine and had my brunch.I just watched movies and read JSP simultaneously.I drank chilled milk in the evening and bought milk. I even switched on the motor for water.I didn't forget anything thoughout the two days . I drew 3000 rupees on Monday and reached metlife at 12.00.The administrator at metlife, Delhi called up and asked the sales co-ordinator when I come to metlife every day.She sees me only at 11.00AM so she said so.I called Kuldeep and he asked me why I was coming so late?I said that I come nearly and around 10.00AM.He said ,that the office starts at 9.00AM and I should be at 9.00AM.I didn't tell him,according to the contract the timings are from 10.00AM to 12.00 noon and 4.00PM to 6.00PM. The guy is going to come today and I am going to feel hell today.This guy is a calm looking guy ,with an aggressive mouth.His mouth chews paan,bubble gum and spits words of insult.I have blisters in my mouth due to eating channa-batoora on saturday.These are the perks you get when you work for a lousy company like CMS. I Hope my mistakes soon get reduced and I start towards something worth to work for and cherish the experience for the rest of my life.r_T÷I know ,that I shouldn 't follow orders until forced ,and I kept following .Whenever,I follow orders,I end up in a big soup. Last time I followed orders the messages in the Outlook Express of the manager was deleted and even the back-up was not taken. This time ,it is about the SQL server.I got a mail in my Outlook Express that I have to apply some .bat files and import the Master table.The mail came in the morning and I applied in the evening.I got a SQL server error.I called the administrator in Delhi and told him,that ,I got an attachment and upon application it shows an error. He bounces back saying that I should have consulted him before doing anything.This happened on 27th May.On 28th the printer stopped talking prints ,I called the printer vendor.He came and diagnosed that ,the printer motor is not working.It seems one of the sales co-ordinators had sent a mail to the zonal co-ordinator and this fellow has mailed the same problem to Banglore head office.This co-ordinator in New Delhi called up immediately ,as soon ,I was issued a notification about the printer. The new tecnology has made my life difficult .He asked me whether the problem is to be locked by me or by CMS computers.I said ,I had to take the real step. On 27 th ,I got a chance to see my old colleague,Debjeet Bhattacharya.He was before a chubby faced and fat guy.I had reduced my weight after joining this company.But,this Debu had a large tummy,he had to hold his stomach whenever he had to make any changes in his postures.This is all because of the food from GECIS,Gurgaon.Everyday ,all of the CMS guys catch a bus to their sites,and it takes nearly 2 hours everyday for each us to just reach their destination.Debu has the most convenient of conveyance ,provided by GE.GE provide lunch and conveyance to their employees and support groups. The life of an outsourced administrator is the worst thing that could happen to a person.I want to change my job profile from the Network/hardware guy to a software development guy.I had a call from my manager ,he says,since,I have a saturday off,I can come and attend the calls for CMS.He says ,there is shortage of field engineers.I have to go to CMS tommorrow.Its tough man.I hope ,I didn 't make a mistake.I should have done this SISL interview better.r`T The whole week went from 17/05/04(Monday) went on very well.It means that nothing really happend worth mentioning.The daily routine of writing down reports starts much during the morning and continues till lunch .I usually send those wretched reports through mail before lunch.But, a mail usually comes back saying that ,"I need reports of the last ten days",or,"I want an elaborate report".It usually my methodology to just outwit the administrator.By the time ,the second reports are sent the administrator feels that,the second is more elaborate and more informative because ,he has to finish his end of the job. On friday,as usual,I was browsing the web for study materials(this is what I do to kill time).I got a call from my company,that ,a company called IBP 19 KM from Gurgaon,Haryana has a problem where a user cannot open his Outlook Express.As usual ,I had assumed that ,the computer would have software problems or it would have been due to patch updation. The company called IBP was in Manesar ,another village near Gurgaon.On reaching the company,I found that there were many problems apart from which my group manager had warned me about.I just sat in front of a computer and tried to dial-up the remote server from a remote location(rather ironic isn' t it).I just tried using the hopeless connection for nearly three hours.It was 7.30PM when I decided to call it quits and phoned every guy connected with this site that there was some problem with the connection and was not able to connect to the server,due their own problems. When I got out ,it was very dark with a glimmer of light a few distance away.We usually have a public transport or few TATA sumos gathering people for a flat rate.They are actually people who may have a driver's license or drive this vechile for companies. By the time reached the bustop where I could get a direct bus to my place,it was 8.30PM.I boarded the bus which was supposed to reach my place,this was the time I felt that it is nearly 28KMs from my place and I travel everyday. I reached home at 10.00PM and started cooking for dinner.It was as usual salad and I don't have time for cooking anything . The most lousy part was that my CMS manager asked me to open the CPU and take out the MODEM.Since ,I operate alone he should have given me a toolkit.The toolkit was my right.He even asked me to come to the company to get the toolkit. saturday. I went to the bank.I met a guy who had a badge on his breast pocket,which read"ask me how to reduce and gain weight".He introduced himself and said that he works for a company which sells herbal solutions for individuals with weight problems.He gave me his number and the people I have to call to be a member of the company. I reached CMS at 12.30 PM.I asked Monica(whom I was asked to contact for a toolkit) for a toolkit.Shesaid "did not the manager tell you something else?" call Rahul(manager)on his mobile.When I called him he started to get aggressive saying that I should have come earlier.I told him that ,he never said anything about attending calls .He went onto another topic that I should never make Monica wait for me.I just told him that the bank opens at only 10.00AM and hence I was late. The lousy girl ,Monica,gave me two addresses to which I had to attend to.One of them had a faulty Floppy drive and in another I had to take the inventory details. I reached IGL(the place with a faulty floppy drive) and found out that ,they never had a faulty floppy drive and no one complained about it.I just got a little bit cross with Monica over the phone. Next address was to sify ltd.I reached that place after a long walk and found that another CMS guy had already done the inventory.My whole butt was aching by the long walks.I even met a guy whom I asked for instructions,after much talking he gave me his card,which said that he is a real estate guy. I reached home and had my dinner of youghurt and rice with ripe mangoes,lithchis and melons.I got a call from the neighbours in my hometown.They insisted that I go and meet them.They can't understand the fact that ,I had travelled the whole day,the day before.I was nearly forced to go and meet them,they are old people who just want to see and talk with people of their own language. I was as tired on sunday evening as I was on saturday.They had come to be with their son a 41 year bacheolor. The whole fo the week was spent with the company of food and old people.I hope to find a better job,which required less movement and more of brain power. Every thing that happend this week was my fault ,should have done the Siemens interview right.raTpBeing an outsourced system administrator without any real training is just waste of my time.I know now where all the companies lose their money,in unneccessary positions. I know only to trouble shoot the network and take care of the system requirements ,update patches and anti-virus.This is no big deal .Anybody ,who has a decent knowledge of computer settings can do it.I am not the person,who did the networking in this place.I just have to detect the source of any error in the network. I have to do an extra job of taking backup of anything that the users do. Well,my mistake began when,I got a mail from the region office to update Windows2000 patches,he also wanted me to do it before quitting. I just did it.I applied the patches to all the computers including the branch manager's . The next day,the manager calls me to his cabin and says" where are the mails,Iam just gonna lose my fucking job".I am caught in a fix.i called another Outsourced System administrator in another branch office.He told me that ,I have to just uninstall the patches to keep the Outlook Express working ,but the mails are lost forever. I called the regional Administrator ,he says"You should have tested it first before applying ,and,did you take the mail backup?" Oh,my god!I didn't take the backup,i mean do I have to take the backup? Well it all simmered down to after the weekend and a letter to their head offices saying that it was all my fault. Ok,I don't have any problems taking the blame,as long as,the company outsources to my company. Well,I have learnt a lesson.Always wait for others to take a step,before taking yours .You may never know!!!rbTTrying times for a nobody.I was thinking about this ,am I going to die as a nobody? I don't have a fast and trying career ,where I had to break my head to stay in a company.This is what others are doing. You know what,lift operators and security gaurdsmen in my country are the only ones without any career.They just have a stagnant life,they reproduce and they die. Since,the life of an outsourced administrator is no better.The manager here in the metlife site is forcing me to have an insurance policy.The catch, he has to sign the customer feedback form at the end of every month.This is called harassment at work. I get a phone call from my parents everyday,after my brief illness.Mother says it is dad who is worried about my health. First few days ,I cut up cucumber and tomatoes for salad.My brother-in-law insisted that ,I eat cooked food.When ,I started cooking potato ,I again got a call from my dad.This time was,I could get gas in my stomach. Still ,I am cooking potatoes.I watch a lot of T.V.Atleast a movie after coming back from work.I find it hard to start studying when working and cooking man.It is quite tough for a bacheoler.rcT6Filipino pull-out in Iraq not a victory of terror, but a victory of humanity. Most of the other nations express disappointment at our government's decision to pull out the contingent in Iraq. Many see the act as a "victory of terrorism" or an "act of cowardice". The highly unpopular decision in the international community has, however, won for the government some respect back from their own countrymen, this chap included. Let the whole world call what they see. They will never understand why our people decided to what was the unthinkable to them. Do they have hundreds and thousands of their own countrymen who journey to far away lands just to keep their families alive? Do other cultures pride themselves of putting their own families ahead of personal interests? Let the people of other cultures call us whatever they see us. They are entitled to their own opinion. But let me say this - the Filipino pull-out in Iraq is not a victory of terrorism. I choose to see it as a victory of humanity. Why? For the first time in a long time, Filipinos have once more banded together to achieve a common cause - we prayed together for Angelo dela Cruz' safety while in captivity, for his release and his safe return. We all voiced out and asked the government to pull-out from a war that was never ours to win, not ours to finish, and the glory of which is tainted with shame fueled by revenge for an act of shameful violence (September 11, 2001). The government realized and what its' constituents wanted, and with their efforts and the Filipinos countless prayers and vigils, Angelo dela Cruz is now free from the Iraqi captors. A victory of humanity not just in the unity of the Filipinos, but this ensures that the families of migrant workers from our country in the far flung lands can rest their minds that the Filipino people is behind them. A victory of humanity for we have once more pooled our voices and minds together to keep the hopes of the families of these workers alive and their dreams within their reach. A victory of humanity for life has prevailed over death and violence.rdTwHell of a day: stayed in the office till about 9 PM integrating codes for a service that is being planned for launch on the 15th. Did some minor refactoring out of similar functions and placed them in the base class. Also, I had to change one of my classes to suit my team-mate's implementation. It took some time to make it work as it failed a couple of times during regression testing, but I got to sort the things out (it took time though). Missed the live qualifying entirely, but good thing there was a replay on Star Sports. Funny thing was, the code I was doing for most of the day stuck in my head as I blurted out code related stuff, talking gibberish to my mom and my sister about code and blah. Anyway, integration continues on Monday morning. Before that day ends, the system must be integrated and ready for testing by the carrier. A tough task. Hope everything works out.reTÕKimi Raikkonen takes Pole Position in Silverstone For the first two sectors of the lap, the McLaren MP4/19B that Kimi Raikkonen was driving didn't look much too different than the car they started out the year with. But in the final sector of the lap, the Flying Finn put in some brilliant driving to snatch the top slot for tomorrow's British Grand Prix in Silverstone from the dominant Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro team. Raikkonen was down four-tenths of a second on then pole-sitter Rubens Barrichello of Ferrari in the first sector of the lap, but cut the deficit to only two-tenths of a second on the second sector. On the third sector, Raikkonen's smooth, slick driving style through the slow corners and an evidently cooperative car erased his deficit and lifted him up to Pole Position. McLaren and Raikkonen has been struggling for most of this season with car problems, but since the unveiling of the B-specification of the MP4/19 car last week in France, things suddenly look bright for McLaren. +++ It was a joy to watch, watching last year's title challenger to Michael Schumacher with a better car getting a shot in going head to head once more with the multiple world champion. Kimi is my favorite F1 driver for his style of "letting the driving do the talking". Kimi is the most quiet pilot, a man of few words, but his on track performances reflect his full commitment to racing flat out and starting what could be his future dominance of the sport. Big congratulations are in order too for Jenson Button, who qualified in third position, outpacing Michael Schumacher who was bumped down to fourth. Button further cemented, with his performance, the informal title of being the top British driver in F1. I can't wait for tomorrow's race. Will Kimi deliver his second win in F1? Will McLaren give him the right strategy? Will it rain tomorrow? Rain makes for more exciting races, but I hope it stays away. All I want right now is to see Kimi make the headlines with a second F1 win.rfU`i want to be able to do this: urlLink in a real court. with a real ball. and the real me.rgTÎPBA Championship: Gin Kings finally win a PBA title after 7 long years. 1997 was the last year that the Barangay Ginebra Gin Kings won a Philippine Basketball Association championship. Back then, they were backstopped by a prolific three-point shooting import in Chris King, a young and speedy point guard in Bal David, a towering and title-hungry six-foot-nine center in Marlou Aquino and coached by the ageless Robert Jaworski. This year, the cast of characters that made up the team was much different. With only Bal David as the sole surviving member of that championship team, the never-say-die, perennial crowd favorite Ginebra won the Fiesta Cup title against Red Bull Barako in four games of a best of five series in a very convincing fashion: they trounced the determined Barako camp with a devastating 2-3 zone defense and third quarter run built around the fastbreak to come up with a convincing 103-86 victory. Despite a dismal performance from point guard J.J. Helterbrand, shooting guard Mark Caguioa and forward Eric Menk picked up the slack to lead a united effort by the team to its first championship in seven years. The ever familiar chants of "GI-NE-BRA" filled the jampacked Araneta Coliseum, as the celebrations started with over three minutes left in the game, with the Kings holding a commanding 18-point lead. With over eight seconds left, fans and supporters spilled onto the playing court, celebrating the Kings victory which they have long agonized over.rhTFNifty day: I was able to finish my targets for today, which was deliver 2 modules for our new service. Finished the classes and the test scripts, stored them into the integration server. The classes passed the tests (the ones that I could think of) and hope that they would pass the administrators' rigid test plans and tests. Two more modules to go, and I hope that they too, will pass testing. Our company was able to launch a new service today. Cheers to my co-members in the development team for a job well done. So far, an SMS to E-mail solution that I had soloed is doing well in the internal UAT's. Just a couple more bugs to resolve and a couple of test scenarios to redo then it's gonna be ready for launch - my first commercially launched SMS project! Another SMS project that I'm participating in is nearing completion, with unit tests showing a very good result. Slowly, I'm starting to fit in with a system (Extreme Programming) that I struggled to deal with during since its adaptation as our company's development methodology. Hopefully we can launch by July 15. I can't wait!riT]radio... Scripture: 2 Corinthians 4:18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. today in my daily devotional, i read about a story of a cool fall day in October 1982 during a Wisconsin and Michigan State football game. There were more than 60.000 Wisconsin Badger fans in the stadium cheering on their beloved Badgers. However, they were watching wearily as their Badgers were getting pounded by Michigan State (thank goodness not to many Romanians live in Wisconsin so i can be a bit biased .. hehehe.. :) Well, toward the end of the game something complete strange was happening in the stadium, much of the crowd for no apparent reason would break out and cheer loudly. Other fans and players looked around in confusion, wondering why. They soon discovered that thousands of fans were tuning via radio to the World Series where their Milwaukee Brewers were beating the St. Loius Cardinals. These fans from Wisconsin were finding something to cheer about. There is a lesson that i learned from this after reading it and mediating on certain circumstances when we lead worship or certain circumstances are 'losing' in our life. When things are going poorly around us, it is time to tune into a different source. We need to plug into the Word of God and allow the Holy spirit to inspire us through prayer and victory will be ours even when circumstances tell us that we are on the losing end. We need to keep our focus on the eternal and real reason for our ride here on this earth, and the temporal things around us will change!rjT unreasonable people... Quote: "A reasonable man adapts himself to the world around him. An unreasonable man expects the world to adapt to him. Therefore, all progress is made by unreasonable men." - George Bernard Shaw, 1925 Nobel Prize for literature. in my morning devotional book that i have used for the past 10 days called: //ONEIGHTY.DEVOTIONAL - do the evolution, by: Blaine Bartel , It had the following quote taken from Romans 12:1-3. 1. - Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. 2. - Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. 3. - For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. i found this passage really interesting from a worship gathering perspective since this past weekend at the West Coast Romanian Youth Convention in Sacramento, Ca. there is talk on royouth.com that many people were jumping about in joy during the finale of the convention, and this wasnt God's work, but a bunch of youth having their worship ideals distorted by todays society. many youth participated in this ecstacy, while others sat on the sidelines and spread the news as soon as the service was over. i learned something from the mentioned quote that could apply to both sides of this controversy. reason will tell you to go with the flow. reason will tell you that if everyone is doing something, you should as well. it's time to be unreasonable. (Romans 12:2) Changing your thoughts will change your actions. changing your actions will change the world. so make a change. i believe this applies to both sides of the 'worship issue'. fundamental vs. charasmatic. how to remedy this? i believe from both sides of the story that authenticity is what God desires. Strive for it. Live by it. it is something i strive to live to, and it will change your life and those around you if you choose to do the same. dont 'do what others do'. we need to dig our selves in God's word and follow His will for our lives. we all were created to worship Him. it is not about how we worship, but how we worship Him. be real about it. Jesus was the most authentic human that walked the face of the earth. Follow Him.rkT> the first entry... as you can see this is my first entry to the new cosminghiu blog. what can be said about starting this initiative? well, i created this blogger account over a year ago on march 25th, 2003. as you can see today is may 25th, 2004. so it has been something on my heart to startup for myself to write down thoughts, insights, revelations, meditations, and life tips for all of us. i am definetly the least 'qualified' of many colleagues in the youth leadership/pastorship within our romanain-american christian youth churches... however, i believe that through a few words each day, we can encourage each other and build each other up as brothers and sisters in Christ. what is a blog? :: -------------------------- the term 'blog' has been around for a few years that is rapidly growing. it is basically a play on words for a 'web log' or basically an online journal. -------------------------- purpose of this blog? :: -------------------------- to share thoughts, ideas, experiences, etc. with anyone willing to follow along this journey of a youth worker within the romanian-american christian youth. -------------------------- At least this is the purpose to start things off. :) Currently in the next few days alot will be happening with the ministry i am involved with at our youth group at Bethesda Romanian Penetecostal Church - Troy, MI. ( urlLink http://www.betezda.com ) and the ministry that i have been honored to be a part of: ROYOUTH Ministries. Since this coming Memorial Day weekend is the East Coast Romanain Youth Convention in Chicago, Il. it will be a hectic time. However, to keep things in perspective i have managed to add on something else (as usual :) ) a book that i have wanted to read through called; urlLink Emerging Worship - by: Dan Kimball Dan Kimball is the author of the book called: "Emerging Church" as well. This idea of the 'Emerging Church' has intrigued me the past couple of days when i ran across it at the local Bible Bookstore. Being involved as the Youth Worship Leader at our church, I have been seeking 'alternative forms' of worship for our youth group. God has blessed our youth at Bethesda RPC and we are beginning to open our hearts toward God through worship. Not just a form of worship where we passively listen tot the 'worship team' and the rest of the group passively looks on (hopefully sings) ... but a worship that involves physical interation. ex. clapping hands, raising arms, and get this... jumping. (at least during our worship team practice times :) So some of you are saying. Wow. they are JUST beginning to be 'pro-active' in worship, and yet Cosmin is looking for something even more? what is this 'emerging worship' he is talking about? what 'other way' is there to worship God that we don't already know? interesting question. i am praying to find out as well.rlTœfeel good christianity... Scripture: Ecclesiastes 11:9-10 9. Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. 10. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless. this passage spoke volumes to me as i read it for one of my devotional passages today. i just cant stop shaking this idea of 'feel-good christianity' that is plagueing so many of us. myself included. as youth of the 'worship generation' we tend to seek services and offerings that 'feel-good' and bring us 'joy'. so when we leave a 'worship service' we ask, "How did you feel during the worship?" or "That was an awesome worship time, I really felt Jesus", or we may make certain decisions that arent correct in God's eyes because it is fun, or because the crowd i'm in is doing it (hey, they are Christian too, so it must be right) ... Then something challenging happens in our life and we don't 'feel' like God is listening or the 'why is this happening to me syndrome' occurs. I am trying to shed this 'feel-good' Christianity into something real and authentic. Make decisions based on God's word, not feelings. Choose to walk and do what God wants you to do, not what feels right because our vigor and youth are meaningless and we could suffer the consequences both spiritually and physically later on in life. enjoy life, but enjoy it with God as the center focus. It might not 'feel-good' all the time, but He knows what is best for us as long as we know Him.rmTypassionate... Scripture: "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven." Matthew 6:1/NIV Wow, last night we got home a bit early from Chicago since around 1:30pm chicago time it starting pouring... for good :) ... it was on an off showers til then, but at this point it was one of those good couple of hours rain shower. so, after sitting in the car for almost an hour, we decided to head home. me and claudia were anxious to see our daughter emma before she went to sleep. well, what can i say about the urlLink East Coast Romanian Youth Convention - Chicago except that it was a spirit filled, passionate weekend. The youth crew from urlLink Philadelphia Romanian Church of God was awesome in their dedication and acts of service to all of us. Friday, we got in a bit late cause 1 hour into our trip we had a flat tire and we needed to find a shop to buy a new tire, so after 9 hours of traveling we arrived directly at the convention. The atmosphere as soon as you walked in felt relaxed and organized. The SECURITY volunteers at the door MADE SURE we payed our entrance fee :) ... we only had room in the balcony, so we saw everyone in the church. after an awesome main sermon by fr. luigi mitoi pastor of Bethany Romanian Independent Pentecostal Church (that's a mouthful) there was a time of worship led by Bethany Praise Band. God's presence was felt throughout the night, however at the end, it was passionate. Saturday, our urlLink Bethesda YOUTH Worship team started the praise and worship and we had an awesome time of praise to our Father! ... the evening ended with Bro. Lane from Church of God with a sermon that led to an altar call for the baptism of the Holy Spirit.... hundreds of youth wept and passionately prayed for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit... almost 2 hours after service should have been done, we all wanted to stay and praise God... it was simply awesome. Sunday, was a day where everyone relaxed and blew out a sigh of relief as everyone was free to express themselves... the last prayer after a POWERFUL message from Pastor Crinisor from urlLink Emanuel Romanian Church of God - Anahiem, CA. about "Passion in Serving" ... hundreds of youth came up for the altar call to declare that they were willing to make the change to passionately serve God in any way that they are led to do... once again... it was a night that you wished never ended. Finally, why the verse chosen for today's blog? well, throughout the convention i felt something. how was the heart of the youth . Especially those that served with their talents before God. We have such talented romanian youth. I even mentioned to Claudia that 2-3 of them that performed during the 3 days, would actually go pretty far in an "American Idol" contest :)) Then again, that was the issue. The soloist or band that were on stage you could tell right away who was passionately serving God and making HIM the audience, and who was serving the audience and performing for them. It is SO EASY to get caught up in the 'emotion' of it all, since music and a large gathering can influence many people behaviour. it is a psychologically proven fact. It is so easy to fall into the trap of, "feel-good Christianity" . This convention had so much talent and passion associated with everything that happened. I dont want to associate my opinion only with this event. because it is not about events, but about our daily walk with Jesus Christ. When we serve him. Do we try to seize the opportunity to serve him while others are watching? or do we see the 'behind the scenes' service (as many youth from philadelphia did during the convention) as the equal? if not greater? i pray that my heart is to do His will no matter who is watching or not watching because ultimately HE is watching and that is all that matters. He is my audience of One.rnT§Well, I said I would post to Blogger everyday now, and, I'm keeping to my word. I've decided, all the bad in the world must have a good side, every Ying has it's Yang, every black has it's white, you get the picture. So, here's to finding my light through my dark. Here's to being positive in a world of negativity. Here's to a future me and my thoughts having a flipside. It's 7.55am in Brighton, UK. I've watched the sun rise - from looking out the window at work, I've been here since 05.00 this morning. I take 999 emergency calls from grief-stricken, panicked members of the public - actually, I take more calls about cows being loose on the road, still, it sure beats normal office work, it is at least interesting, unlike any job I've had before. I get to surf the WWW whilst at work so that can't be bad. I've traveled all around the world, not in 80 days, but more like 80 minutes, from the comfort of my office chair and the internet. One day I'll go see it for myself. I've been reading lots of other blogs over the last few hours, it's calming and reassuring to know that there are others out there with opinions and voices of their own, not led by the political heirachy that so many others seem to follow. It's a bit like the last scene from the 80's movie "Pump Up The Volume", where the young people finally take a stand, reach out and try to get themselves heard, even if only one person hears you, if that one person in the world gets to hear your thoughts,your message, it could make a difference. I really don't know what my message is, or what I yearn for. I know my thoughts are deep, I know I get tied up in my dreams, sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between whats a dream, and whats a reality, but through blogger, I hope to find this from within myself. When I find it, I'll share it with you. When the thoughts run dry, Dravens message will be found, until then, welcome to the depths of Draven.roTvHas it really been that long....nearly a year since I visted the world of Blogs, slapped wrists for me. Well, I'm here again now and I intend to post every day, I need a diary, and what better place? Dravens head is full of thoughts, thoughts of things I'd like to do, be doing, or should've done. Thought about the world, the state of things in this world, and how a future little Draven will interpret all the hate that seems to be building up in the world right now. Seems you can't turn on the TV, open a paper or a magazine, without seeing some kind of report about terrorism or a new war somewhere I've never heard of. Why can't things just be, oh, whats the word, it escapes me it's been so long since ive heard it, oh thats it - peaceful? I write poetry, i'm trying to finish a book thats been half written for about a year, but all the thoughts i try to put down are negative right now, not making for a great read. Still, things might cheer up one day, and you might see a book on the shelf one day soon. I have to go, as I'm at work, but I will post later. Come back, there will be more from Dravens thoughts.rpUHere comes thay next stage of life... So strange... Imna miss him so much. ____________________________________ Sent from my Treo600/BlackberryrqU Basically... urlLink Yeah.rrTõBrother's Wedding Weekend was this weekend, very nice lots of Family around.... spent the weekend with friends and ended it on Saturday night with a VERY wild bachelor party for the bro. Very Fun time, altough I didn't partake fully in all of it. Anyhoo, I spent a really good bit of the weekend with Beth and things were really nice... this was following thursday night's post of its over where she crushed me.... again... Not her fault... at this point I am doing this to myself. She loves this boy Ben, and despite that fact that I know she loves me too, she cannot/will not ever let it happen.. Nonetheless, I hours on the phone with her on friday, and lots of time talking over the weekend. This morning, we were going to hang out but she had to "go to NJ", which didn't happen... anyway, just as I was driving over to her, with food, since I knew she was hungry, I called... and she said that Ben had surprised her and just shown up on her doorstep. FUCK THIS.... I cannot take it anymore... I love this girl, I truly do, but I cannot take this competing for affections with this guy, whom she obviosly prefers.. I have tried everything.... but this just stings too damm hard, and I dont want to do it anymore. She is like a drug to me, I am really addicted, but this is one fix I am just going to have to learn to live without. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I nearly crashed my stupid car when she told me that asshole, who really doesn't treat her nicely, and with whom she admittedly has little fun, surprised her. FUCK.rsUfinal. I have to go throw uprtTØ So My Rabbis are still living in my room... One of the things that comes with that is the fact that all the dudes who are close to them have been here till all hours as well. So Sunday, after the wedding, (and after I resisted the most impossible urge to hang with this BEAUTIFUL model named Edi, that totally picked me up in the street and asked me over to her place while I was still all Tuxed out), I had an amazing talk with one of the guys who was over, (who is going to be an incredible pschycolgist), and I started to really think about the kind of person I have become and if he bears any resemblance to the way that I see myself or the person that I want to be. As it happens, I was very drunk that night, and I called Beth and I wanted to tell her that I love her, but I have said it before, and she is tolerating me now, and I was cogent enough to not outwardly mess it up... I think. But I haven't seen her in three weeks, and I miss her like crazy... which for some reason isn't making me any less attracted to every really hot girl I pass in the street. You see... NY in the summer, is a VERY dangerous place.... out come the short skirts and tanktops and the hormone levels shoot through the roof... its insane. SO MUCH HOTNESS, much of which I would love to sleep with (I for sure need therapy, and I'm totally going to go.)But I dont really want any of them.. its just nonsense... I want to be with a really good girl, and give myself to her entirely. All this while the Rabbis are living in my room... what the crap is the matter with me? If I wanted a totally amazing spirtual week, all I had to do was capitalize on their being here... instead I watched Finding Nemo with them and missed some of the chances to gain valuable insights from them... Which thankfully I have gotten to do over the last few days. So the girl that I was set up to date, and planned on dumping... on the second date, which I didn't want to go on.... and got cancelledish... ended up being cool. She had to babysit for her superadorable niece, so I ended up joining her, and having a distractingly nice time... I wasnt even really attracted to her at first, and now she seems strangly cute... I think that its going no-where anyway... but I for sure need to stop being so quick to judge. Shes Cute, I just dont think that anything will end up coming of it. Went to dinner last night with Bro.... he gets married on tuesday.. have to finish planning the batchelor party for saturday night... wow! Anyway... must work nowruTÖBrief Preamble: I am writing this on my phone so this may have lots of spelling and gramatical errors... Please excuse me... This is officially weird... my baby sister (she'll be 18 this month) graduates from high school in 5 minutes. I don't know quite what to do about this. How did it happen, she was a toddler like yesterday. I feel so lucky, that I am from such a great family. Here today, I have aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, parents, and 2 full sets of healthy grandparents. Such a blessing, I love them all so much and feel so so fortunate to be able to be a part of such a loving bunch. This weekend my good friend Daniel is getting married (only 10 days till me bro's wedding) He brought in the Rabbis from my old yeshiva, this was one of the best weekends ever... Funny part is, two of them stayed in my room, which I had to make sure that it was Jewified to the extreme... I was just really pleased that it didn't take that much work... The downside/upside to this weekend, is that it brings home how far I have slipped in the last few years... But I have every intentions of getting back up to speed. I really want to get back... or at least mostly... And like G.I. Joe always said... "Knowing is half the battle."rvTÛI just re-read my blog... I think that I am doing OK, but here is what I realized... I am still largely just giving a play-by-play of my life, Its still just a series of events, stories, and anecdotes... but what I think is still largely missing, are the feelings and emotions that link these all together and change them from a timeline of events into a chronicle of a life. How do you do that? Short of simply talking about whether you love this one girl or dont, or if you are mad or sad, or horney, or melancholy, what is it that I am missing, I know its something.. but I can't seem to isolate or identify it. In other news, my canadian freind Marc, Broseph and the wife and I saw eurotrip last night... dont.... it sucked.rwTÎMy Best Looking friend, who has asked me to refer to him as Marc (with a "c") just got back from another date. He stays in my apartment whenever he is in NY (since we have the extra bedroom action). Anyhoo, he was in about a month.5 ago to see this girl (family aranged formal blind date.) Immediately after seeing her he came home to let us know that this was "not the one" Despite this, he dated her again, and then went back to Canadia without breaking up with her.... Now, for reasons I cannot comprehend, he couldn't just end it remotely, so once she told him she wanted to come to Canada to see him, he preempted by coming back to NY to break up with her. Tonight was not to be the night, despite no interest in her, he chose, before the date, to wait until after tommorow (thats right, they scheduled the second before the first) to break up with her... Then comes the bombshell, she wants him to meet her mother tommorow night! Upon hearing this, I was flabbergasted. But, amazingly, he wasn't, he didn't think it was any big deal. Exact syntax: "Whats the big deal, it no different than meeting her doorman OY! Thankfully, we convinced him that this COULD NOT happen, and he appears to have agreed for now -NightrxXÊ Well Beth did it again... she was "too busy" and cancelled on the screening, to be fair, as always, she never committed to going, but, as always, she didn't say no either. So I called Yells and we decided to go to see it urlLink (Napolean Dynamite) together. I haven't seen her in forever, so this will be fun. I got a lift down from the Broseph and wife to be, and planned on meeting Yells downs there. We got there at like 6:40 and there was already a line quite literally around the block, and no surprise here, we didn't get in (although, we almost did... we snunk into the theater right afterwards, following these emo type film school guys, who were also sneaking in, but were stopped by the evil theater manager at the last minute (gasp.) So we lingered in the Sunshine Cinemas lobby for a few and then just left...Mind you we are on East Houston now... ItÂ’s like 7:40 and the night is wide open. We started walking west, towards the Hudson River. We got to the water and just sort of started heading north... which landed us up at Chelsea Piers. (Lots of nice Jew-Daters there, so Cute) Now is one of those times where I wonder; Why it is the I don't just end up with someone like Yells, like for example, specifically she? I always have fun with her and she is a SUPER human, we've been friends for so long though... and I just can't see it any other way... Why? I have no idea, but its never really sexual in any way, or even flirtatious, which maybe is great, but for some reason, the sheer comfortably of the situation never leads to more, and I tend to believe that it just wont. urlLink Anyway, its 9:45 already (wow, time flies eh?) I haven't golfed in a while, and she never has so we decided to go to the driving range there... (COOLEST RANGE EVER, but also most expensive, $25 for 100 balls (until 10PM) 148 Balls after.) Great part is that is an automatic tee, no buckets of balls or anything like that, no bending down to tee up, it automatically puts the ball on for you and you can adjust the tee height electronically. Its very very cool. I am actually very pleased with how I was hitting the ball, Yells sucks, but she was showing real improvement. I'd love to be good enough at golf to help other people get good but this is a long ways off. Then we looked at yachts and watched Ice hockey for another hour. Nice time, I really needed that. So we are @ 23rd on the River (West Side) and we just start walking, and walking and walking. We have already been standing or walking for better than 4 hours and we've barely gotten started. We wanted a bench, I never really noticed this, but NY really has no benches, at least not outside of its incredible parks... urlLink We walked all the way up to 42nd where we jumped into the urlLink Times Square Brewery . My really good friend David owns part of it, so I wanted to stop in and see it... nice place, I'm sure that I'll go back. spent about an hour there, then continued walking, walking, walking north... I feel bad, Yells as these new backless sneaker things from Payless she must be dying.. I mean My feet kill and I'm wearing these. Long story short... as I actually have to work now, we walked all the way back to 85th and second... then she got in cab @ 2:45 in the morning (after coming upstairs for some apples?... Literally) I really love her, would be so convenient if it were even moderately romantic between us, but alas... Anyway, Such fun.... here is a Map of all of our walking... all 8 HOURS OF IT.. (PAIN!) urlLinkryTüOne of my dearest freinds is back from Israel. She left for half a year, and came back to NY yesterday... HUGE HUG this afternoon. She rocks way more than the average bear.. One of those people that you are just lucky to have as a freind.. (And fiercely loyal) urlLink I have to figure out what to do with her today... I may still take Beth to urlLink Napolean Dynamite tonight, which upsets my time frame, but I also really must see Yells... I feel like Dobie Gillis. Truth is, i should just blow off Beth and take Yells, but its way harder than it sounds... I have a bit of an addiction to her, and haven't figured out how to rid myself of her yet. So, I took the day off from work today, I just wasn't feeling up to doing anything... I'm not really sick at all, just feel like I have to watch Goonies or something, and there is no way I can do that from work, besides I dont give my myself enough "me time" and I figure now is a great time to start. My First Audio Blogger Post "The Test" urlLinkrzTÍWell, last nights Blind date was fun, I can't see it working out in the long haul, but I had a fun evening and she was a really nice girl. I love urlLink Vindigo , its really amazing... twenty minutes before the date, I went on, clicked music and found out everything going on in the city... SO fecking cool. urlLink Anyway, there was a mixup at urlLink Birdland last night and the urlLink Duke Ellington Orchestra who during July are to begin playing Tuesday nights instead of monday nights, got consused and didn't show up, so it ended up being a free jazz quartet performance instead. Still, I had a really nice evening, and the music was just great. As much as I love rock, and I do, sometimes I just Marvel at the talent levels of Jazz musicians, just simply amazing. So today, I activated Audioblogger, I have to give that I try after this, I think its gonna be so cool, you just call this phone number and it creates and Mp3 File which they host for free.r{T!I was doing so well for a few days there, watching my language and trying to focus on not being a jerk... They say that for every few steps forward, there are a couple of steps back, so I've slipped up a bit, but feel like it time to start climbing back up again. My aunt, who is really swell, said to me this weekend to be careful "not to be a sprinter." Shes right, when you try to fix everything in your life all at once, you always end up failing... Slow and steady wins the race. So, I have to take out this girl on a blind date tonight, I really dont want to go, but I have to come up with an idea anyway.... maybe Karma, thats always a good place... otherwise I have non idea what I'll do. alright... I have to pretend to work for a few hours.... I'll let me know how the date went later...r|T’urlLink I'm Not Gonna Lie, I really really want a Puppy.... Now, dont get me wrong... I know they are a huge pain in the ass, but Gosh-Darn-It, they are SO cute! I figure I'll get a little bitty Yorkie and name him Thom Yorke. This will rock you see, because I'll have to follow him around the Upper East picking up dog shit.... wait.... that why I dont want I dog. Anyway... what do you think?r}T2I realize I haven't gone into the whole, my Brother and (lifelong best friend) is getting married in two and half week thing yet, and I promise to soon, but I'll just say that the weekends with just the two of us hanging out together are really drawing to a close... It really weird... I mean, this was bound to happen sometime, one of us or the other getting married, but still when it comes, it feels like you are going to have a gaping hole in yourlife when they move away.... Anyhoo, because this is one of the last weekends we are having sans-wife, I really wanted it to be great, so I felt really bad, when Apple metioned that she was going to be alone at the Hospital on Friday night all night... I realized that I really had to go... I asked Brosephus to join, but he didn't want to go (which ended up being for the best, because his lifelong best freind, who is getting married 9 days before him, came over and they got one last great bonding session) So after Sabbath dinner, I walked over to the Hospital, and got there at like 9:30, unfortunetly visiting hours were over, and it took like a 20 minute negotiation to get the guard to let me in... At this point, there is virtually no "do-gooder" motivation left at all to these visits, it is just me going to see someone that I really now consider to be a friend. It really strange, I am able to tell her anything at all, these visits really are just like two good freinds sharing their feelings about all varities of things... (So maybe I am capable... just not with Beth ) We talked till like 11:45 and then these killer drugs they gave her, got her all trashed so she could sleep through the night... The hope was that they would be releasing her to go home on Saturday, which whould be awesome. She rocks, I just wish she didn't have to suffer so much, such a good person, really not fair. So I get a phone call on Saturday, which I can't pick up, (I'm Sabbath observant), and I see on the caller ID that it is Apple calling... I was really hoping that she was gonna leave me a message that she was discharged and out, but alas when I checked the message on Saturday night, it was a "they didn't let me out message"... what a total downer. So, I still had these two tickets to urlLink Harry Potter IMAX , for Saturday night at 10:30... I really wanted to call Beth one more time, but I'll only make an ass of myself so many times. So, instead, I went with my uncle, which was really great. We were able to talk on a level at which I had never gotten to know him before, as a person, and not this older uncle figure. I can't even remember ever going out with just the two of us.... As it were, the Movie was really amazing. Alfonso Cuaron has such a different eye, but the omission of the entire Animagus'/Marauder's Map subplot sucked... Not knowing how Lupin knows its a MAP, or what the animagums' importance is makes the story so much less coherent. Why was the form of the Patronus that Harry conjures so impotatant? Also we really need to know why Snape hated all of the old friends/anigami so much.... it would only have taken 10 minutes longer to due to story FAR better! Oh, and the Shrieking Shack scene simply doesn't do the book justice... Regardless, the IMAX mastering was beyond incredible and the movie was really really solid... consider it Hightly Recommended (A+). Here are some really solid review's from "The Leaky Cauldron": urlLink 1: Sue's Review urlLink 2: Megan's Review urlLink 3: Mellisa's Review I think I may just throw in the towel on Beth , maybe the time has come... I am supposed to go on this blind date with some girl, i think I'll take her to the preview screening of urlLink Napolean Dynamite urlLink (Trailer) ) on tuesday, that should be fun... This way, even if she is totally lame, I'll still have seen a movie I fully expect to a hilarious. OK... bye then.r~T¤ Even though this this is embarrassing.... I'll proceed.. I'm pretty sure that she is trying to give me the slip.... I swear that I don't understand her at all.... Last week she is crying about not knowing what to do with me, this week, she has been more distant than ever... She didn't call me on my Birthday, even though I am SURE she knee when it was, and has been impossible to get in touch with. It really hurts so much, I don't know what/ if anything I could do differently. I want so badly for the phone to ring, and it seems like it just doesn't anymore... (Ringtone: Phantom Planet - Always on my Mind), and I am thinking that maybe I should just stop bothering with her... there is occasionally happiness, but more often than not this is just causing my pain. I texted her before, just to ask if she is around for the weekend... (something which I increasingly hate doing... I mean who want to feel like they are calling/writing to someone who views the gestures as annoying... I just don't need this... Here is the basic gyst of the text: ME: You home for the weekend? Beth: Sleeping at my Mom's but out of commission this weekend ME: really, is everything OK? Beth: Yeah, just busy. friends coming over and whatnot, have a great weekend. I mean look, if she doesn't want anything to do with me, or if this is how she reacts in a confusing situation, what the hell do I need her for... I think maybe I'll just quit... but I always say that, and a have so much trouble doing it I wish I could just wash my hands over, I really love her, but I wish I didn't, because in a life that is otherwise really getting better and better all the time... this is just enlarging this incredibly painful void, and I should just focus on filling it with someone else. After all, we have all had heartbreak, I loved this another Girl for all of High school, and while I never could have imagined it then, or immediately afterwards, I really stopped, so much so that I was able to set her up comfortably with a friend of mine, (they later wed). So I got tickets to the new Harry Potter movie in IMAX (an impossible to get ticket), and invited her to join, she said that she didn't know what Saturday night looked like yet... and that shed get back to me..... she didn't get back to me, so I IMd her on Thursday night.... needless to say, in keeping with the her ditching me theme, she said she can't. Why? Because she has to go out with this guy she was set up with, went out with once and didn't like, but has to go out with again before she is through with him to be fair to him, and he is only free on Saturday night... so much accommodation for a stranger... none for me. I assume, maybe wrongly that that has little to do with why she isn't coming... but wish, that she could be honest enough to just tell me she doesn't think its a good idea... there is no reason to hide it, to make up excuses... it just hurts more, and its not fair. Who want to go with you anyway! But.. that said... I totally LOVE Harry potter, so fun, I dont know who I'll go with yet, but I'm sure it'll be fun, and I doubt I'll even think about that fact that she didn't come. Anyway.... The sabbath approaches... I'm gonna go... Later.rTbI sent my friend, we can call her Jane, this evil urlLink crush007.com quiz, the result of which, I actaully never read out of respect, which, incedentally, she doesn't believe.... anyhoo, She was mad at me for a long time and I wanted to make it up to her.... We were supposed to see "Mean Girls" which was playing at 8:30 at sony lincoln sqaure... or so said moviephone... turns out it was wrong and there was no screening then at all.. I the manager gave us free tickets to "Saved" at 9:30 becuase of the error. (He was a really creepy guy, as-it-were... he was coughing and complained to us that poeple were asking him questions while he was "dying" and that they were all pissed off that he wasn't responding quickly enough... and that he wishes, (I quote) that "bad things would happen to those poeple's families" that "they should all die"... more than a little frightening. So the movie was eh, and I'll never think that Mandy moore is as pretty again.... I'll never be able see her the same way again, she totally went psycho jesus freak on us.. I give it a B- Layla Tov (it means good night in hebrew)r€T¤Like when you go to Auschwitz as the grandchild of survivors, but the tears you think you are supposed to have aren't there... but then, when you are just walking in the street or something, they come in an uncontrollable torrent... Or when someone you love dies of a terminal disease they have had all thier lives, and you expect it for years, but when it finally happens, you just dont react how you thought you would? And you wonder what the hell is wrong with you... Or when something horribly catastophic happens, how we just go into automatic pilot, and dont even think about it until well after the smoke has cleared? For the longest time, I've felt really shitty about the direction that I had/have been moving in.... less and less spirtual, more and more cynical, like I was running away from something (and thinking of all kinds of BS excuses, things that were true and really did happen, but weren't really the cause of anything, to justify being Lazy and unispired) So I decided a while back to stop feeling sorry for myself and try to get back onto the wagon of good. I realize that sometimes, when you think you are going to try to help others, you realize that you are really helping yourself so much more. urlLink I tried to think of things that would make me more sensitive to those around me and that could allow me to help someone else, thinking that that would make me start to feel better about myself. So I starting going to visit people in the hospital. It was really my idea... this girl Rachel (who, for the record, rocks) mentioned to me that Shabbat (Saturday for our non Jewish readers), a bunch of people go to the hospital to visit the sick... Now I had no intention of going with them, I'd still prefer to be a bit more low-key and just go alone, but I decided that I was definely going. This great guy from my synogogue has diabetes and had severe calcification in the arteries (I think), remember, I didn't go to medical school.... anyway, they had to amputate his left leg below the knee because the blood wasn't flowing properly.... So I decided to go up and visit him. The strange thing is that we were never really close at all, I mean I know him and his family, but we had never really talked at all, and I realzed that I for some reason I was waiting to get to know people until cimcumstances are dire. It felt so good to be there, and while it outwardly seemed like I was doing the "nice thing", I really just felt like I was having a great time. As I was leaving, I ran into a college professor of mine, who I didn't even recognize, he had been in a horrible car accident and was only starting to regain motor functionality. Before I knew it, I was visiting him to, not because I am a doo-gooder, but because I was getting the chance to really learn from him (he is sooo incredibly learne'd and brilliant) and to get to know him well. These visits are quickly becoming the highlight of my days. So Rachel had told be about this girl, we will call her " Apple ". who has been very sick with Krohns. She is about my age and had been in the hospital for nearly two months already... now seeing as we had never met, I felt like meeting her might be slightly strange. I mean what was I supposed to say "Hi you dont know me, but I just wanted to say hey." I felt stupid and embarrased... The first time I went to see her there were all these people already there so I just left, the next time, she wasn't up to visitors... I was getting to think that It wasn't gonna happen. The next weekend I ran into Beth in the morning. While we were talking, the daughter of the older fellow who got his leg amputated asked me if I was coming to visit in the afternoon, I was like, yeah for sure.... Now, thinking she would never want to come, I asked Beth to come along... surprisingly, she did.... (I was sure she wouldn't since she takes every opportunity to tell me how glad she is that we are just "good freinds" again, and thus opts out of anything that could feel to familiar and relationshippy)... anyway, I was just glad that I could start to show her the parts of my life that I never share with anyone. On the walk there, I started trying to tell her a little bit about me growing up, but, as usual, I ending up telling a timeline, not letting her get to know me (WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THAT.... ARRRG) So we got the hospital and got to see a number of friends there.. But most importantly, we were able to meet Apple finally, it was only brief, but now I felt like I could go back and there we would already have completed the awkward, meeting part. This is the coolest girl ever... thankfully I missed the really really bad parts of her illness and hospital stay, she cant really eat anything but ice, and she has to endure sooo much pain... but despite all that she is going through, she is Fu*king cool as hell... Into great movies, music, and never lame... I am so appriciative that Rachel told me about her, I've been up to see her a bunch of times since and have gotten a chance to get to know her only a scant bit, but she was telling me about this documetary film she is finishing up, and I can't help thinking about how incredible and courageous people are in battling hardships that I can't even imagine. And knowing how much it can mean to someone to just have a visitor makes you so eager to go and do it again. Backtracking.... so Beth and I walk back home and all is well, I drop her off and go to pray. Right as I am leaving though.... she explains (to be fair I asked); that one of the reasons she doesn't want me is that while I clearly feel like she makes me want to be a better person, and lifts me up... she doesn't see me bringing her higher and making her feel like she can grow from me... She really knows how to throw daggers.... I know that she is a petter person that me, and I love that she makes we want to be a better man, not so I can "have" her, but because she truly insprires me. But I also believe that if I can really learn to open up and let her all the way in, that she will understand that I really have so much to offer her as well. I saw her that night, and she told me that she told her mother the story and that she was crying because she didn't know what to feel about me... It makes it so much harder for me, because I know that some part of her loves me, but she buries it so deeply and with such stubborness, that even if I do learn to share with her who I am... I may already be the boy who cired wolf one too many times. Anyway.... bedtime....rXª I used to be a banker (or analyst anyway) at this huge mega-firm... I hated it more that you could ever imagine, Big Brother is a bad bad man, so I moved to this cushy little Private Equity/Investment banking company after a mostly successful stint at a startup.... That was cool, no more all-nighters, and they were paying me all this cash$, and I had a HUGE office with couches and artwork and a fancy light-up globe and stuff... it was neat, I felt like a total swinger. "Beth" even came over once, which at least allowed her to see that I wasn't a complete hack. Which, by the way, wasn't why I had her come over, she happened to need help with her iPod and I had all my Music on a server there... her seeing that I was doing OK was just a shallow but lucky coincidence (not that it helped me) But alas, being the moroff that I am, I couldn't leave well enough alone... so after only half a year or so, I left to work on these way out there private placements and whatnot with this other guy (who rocks, as it were)... no more big salary (but potential to do like REALLY well) and I actually enjoy what I'm doing. Anyway, I was working on this one deal that would have had me as the CEO of an international technology company, and for the last month or so, the project has been seriously losing traction from the powers that be. So, while it’s not at the "stick a fork in it" stage, it looks like it’s gonna die on the vine, at least for now. Which sucks, cause I really wanted to run that company. So now I have to see which of the other Projects might be as fun as this. I hate disappointment... its not like I'm up the creek without a paddle, I can just start to work on one of the other deals, but I would love to be able to actualy nurse one of these things all the way across the finish line. Sometimes I wonder if I just should have been a doctor, they have a good job, I could totally do that, and I got into medical school, why didn't I do that? Or maybe a rocker, I am totally as mediocre at guitar as I'd need to be to rock out. When I was in high school, I was always jealous of my friend who is now rocking for a living, he is sooo talented. My brother, He and I were in a "band" then, we used to play one or two awkward gigs a year, and cover stuff like "Breakfast at Tiffany" and "Crush" and "Crash"... we sucked... but it was fun as hell... Do you ever wonder how those people who actually make a go of it... I mean, He and his band are literally going on a world tour this summer, If I had stuck with it, I could wear jeans everyday and just play music, or maybe I would have stayed mediocre. Now I'm that guy who just solos the melody of a song over the vocals in front of my computer... I totally want to kick that guys ass, I mean if you don't know the chords... just suck it up, and learn them.... but dont sit there played melody throughout the whole song, pretending that you totally think that the pentatonic scale really is appropriate since its the only thing you can do in that key. You know... and there I am, being that guy, since I'm home anyway, since once I got out of Banking and didn't have to pull all nighters anymore, I realzed that many nights have nothing to fill them up anyway.... I really wish she would just date me again. Its not like I dont go out, I do, like all the time... and these are some seriously beautiful girls, but they just arent' right for me. Ah, who knows, maybe the project will come back to life a distract me again.r‚TI'm a friendly, outgoing person... I'm actually pretty good with people... have been for years. But, over last decade or so... I realized that I can (and do) talk about absolutely nothing at all, often for many hours at a time. When I tell a story in the first person, it could very well be someone else's, because effectively, it is a timeline of events and humorous anecdotes, but I have never spoken about how I feel about much of anything. Now, that's not to say that I don't have conversations about meaningful things, or that I don't have deep conversations with people that they perceive to meaningful. Politics, religion, philosophy, art, music, sickness health, triumphs and sadness, these are all things that I converse seriously about fairly regularly.... Truth is the until you get to know me fairly well, you might not even realize my handicap. But, when push comes to shove, it is impossible to ever get truly close to someone, or, more accurately, to let them get close to you when you never share what's inside you, how you are feeling, what is really going on inside your head. So, starting now... I'm going to try to learn to articulate what I'm feeling... I hope this helps... There is this girl that I really love, we will call her " Beth " (not her real name). Anyway, we've dated on and off for a long time now and have basically a disfunctional relationship... I'd love to marry her, and I know she sort of loves me, but that just may not happen. I'll keep you up to date with current events and give you the whole saga soon, but for now I'll just give you the quickie.... One night as we were sitting together, me being an ass as usual, she put out a question... more of a request really... She asked; "If this is all there is to me?... that she wants to get to know the real me". I didn't really know what the hell she was talking about, so I lied, and told her all about how there is so much of me that I just can't/won't/don't want to talk about. Truth is, that it was the most hurtful question I had ever been asked. You see, I thought that I was lying to her when I told her there was so much more there. I thought that I was sharing who I was with her, and that simply put, she thought me vapid, that there just wasn't enough substance to possibly be as far as I go. I cried myself home on the uptown 6 at three in the morning next to this smelly homeless dude while listening to Elliott Smith (of blessed memory). I really felt like that is what I am, and that it just wasn't enough. Not fun. I had no idea what she meant until last week, I had a pre-24th-birthday catharsis, it turns out (thank God) that I really do have more to me than just surface nonsense, but for whatever reason, I always seem to avoid/dodge the questions (however benign) that come from people who really care about me... my family, friends, girlfriends. Even a "where are you going?", when I head out to do something simple, is met with an "out". Why?... I have NO Fuc*ing idea! It no secret, I'm not meeting with my harem of prostitutes or running drugs, or whathaveyou... I am likely just going for a walk by the water, or the store, or to visit the grandparents, or to help a nice old lady bring her bags up the stairs, or to buy guitar strings, or pray, or talk to Beth out side on the phone or whomever.... point is, there isn't any reason to be so secretive and closed all the time, what is it that I am trying to hide??? I am determined now to learn how to share my life, because If I don't, I'll never be able to really love anyone or be loved by them... Its a two way street... The giving part.... I can do that... but no-one is going to want to share their life with someone who doesn't appear to be sharing back. So, this blog.... When/if you sense me being untruthful or it sounds like I'm holding back... please comment. You get to all be my therapist... I appreciate it in advance. Oh, and Happy Birthday to me, yesterday, 24, thats another story... it was a downer (as I get older I find that happening more and more), we can get into that later though.rƒT!I'm in Boston now, at yet another wedding, and I find that I havn't had a minute to post in over a week... Maybe that's good because I have to catch up on the catharsis processes in my life... Lest I start to close up yet a gain and erase all of my progress. Ok... Have to go wedding.r„X¶Well this is it, my first entry in my new blog. I had a blog before, but it really didn't go anywhere and besides a friend of mine Stéphane would like to collaborate on a blog on different topics. He speaks and writes in French and I speak and write English so it will be interesting to be able to share information and collaborate on different topics in two languages. Ceci est ma premiere insertion dans mon 'blog', en passant le mot 'blog' est une contractions de mots anglais 'Web Log'. Si quelq'un dit 'Web log' assez vite pour assez longtemps ca devient 'blog' essayez-le! J'ai dèja eu un 'blog' mais je n'etait pas satisfait avec mes articles et donc je l'ai changé pour celui-ci. Mon ami Stéphane a voulu partir un 'blog' et collaborer avec moi sur divers sujets. Lui il écrit et parle français tandis que moi je suis plus abile avec l'anglais. Ca sera interesant de pouvoir ecrire sur des sujet variés en deux langues. a la prochainr…TÖHere's a quick tip for today. As part of my blogging I like to share things I've found on the internet. I work as a Network Administrator and part of my job consists in looking for information, services and software on the Internet. From time to time I come across little tidbits, hints and links to software or services. I'm not affiliated in any way to any of these companies, but offer these to readers who might find them interesting and useful. I recently came across a company who offers free POP3 compliant email accounts, you can find them at urlLink Nerdshack ..::.. Home . You will get a 100MB Inbox and you can use either Outlook, Outlook Express, Eudora, Incredimail, Thunderbird or any other POP3 compliant email client you wish. They don't have email access from the web, but you can do that from this site urlLink mail2web.com . Mail2Web is a free service that allows you to check any POP3 email account from the Internet, you can send and reply to email as well.r†TèOK I'm sitting at work and just went through what has become quite a ritual for me, the sorting and subsequent deleting of SPAM from my email Inbox. The funny thing is that I receive SPAM telling me how to fight SPAM. Now seriously what are these people thinking? Do they expect me to buy or use a product from someone who uses the very delivery method that their product it designed to alleviate. Besides why would I trust my business to someone who uses rather questionable tactics to get me to read their email in the first place, things like making cryptic subject lines or adding a whole bunch of legitimate or seemingly legitimate phrases at the bottom of their emails to ward off email filters just doesn't inspire confidence in me. Email is getting less and less productive and at times there is so much junk mail that I can actually sit here and watch MS Outlook's email filter working away on each email that comes in. OK back to work and my wonderful email (tongue firmly planted in cheek)r‡TúAlright, so perhaps I don't look like a rock star and yes perhaps I don't know a C Major Chord from an electrical Cord, but give me a break. I was just at a music store this afternoon shopping around for a USB - MIDI Interface and the store clerk didn't treat me all that well or perhaps was it just me. I don't know, but of most of the music store clerks that I've met all but one has given me this feeling like they are all frustrate wanna be musicians that never made it and now are mad at the world. Basically what bothers me is the attitude most of them give me, it's like they don't have time for me nor do they want to bother with an obvious beginner (re: please see chord referal at top of this blog entry) What this lolely little clerk did not realize is that at moments like today when I'm in buying a small adapter I am at my most vulnerable and there I was staring at some digital drum kits. These days I've been obsessed with playing drums and recording some kind of tunes on my computer. I will have more information on this on my urlLink music page , but basically I've been slowly buying up parts to create a small home studio. It's all based around a synthesizer I purchased a while ago and will have more details on my music page. Right now I don't have a very good setup for drumming and so I was looking at building a set of digital drums and was asking this chap at this store, that will remain nameless, if they had drum practice pads to make the trigger pads. He showed me them, but proceeded to explain to me that my plans were not going to work, but what he didn't do is offer me an alternative! I would have perhaps listened to him at that point. This is all besides the point as I plan on keeping with my original plan and building a set. More on this later.rˆTÌI've been noticing that people seem to be getting more stupid as time goes by. Take for instance holiday weekends, just this past Canada day 16 people lost their lives in Quebec due to car accidents and this while supposedly enjoying a holiday weekend. Have you seen the way people act on holiday weekends now. They start sometime around mid-afternoon on Friday as is apparent when they leave work early and clog up city streets with their frantic pace to get home and start relaxing with their families. You see them running around like chickens with their heads chopped off going to and through pushing anything and anyone who gets in their way. Now I'm not against people having a good time and enjoying their weekends, but come on can they not slow down a bit. The stupidity doesn't end here, there seems to be an abundance of it in many different facets of living from buying a simple device down the road to dealing with people in the hospital. I just don't understand it at all. I'll try from time to time to blog some of my situations and when I get into these predicaments just to show you what I mean. In the meantime keep your eyes open and you too will see that people seem to be getting more stupid as time goes by.r‰T«It has been quite the week for sightings. This one however was unmistakeable as coming home tonight I saw the most splendid blue ribbons of the Northern lights. We don't often see them here in Montreal especially in July, but there they are just outside my bedroom window. Makes me wonder if there has been heightened solar activity. The Aurora Borealis always intrigues me and is certainly a glimpse into the mystery of space.rŠTæon July 24, 2004 at approximately 9:38 AM I was heading Eastbound on Pierrefonds boul. in Montreal Quebec, when I spotted a bright oblong shaped object in the sky roughly at 1 o'clock. I proceeded to carefully observe the object which I took to be an airplane that had just taken off from Pierre Elliot Trudeau airport further South from my location. However there are no runways pointing in the directions that the object was travelling. The object in question seemed to be a very bright white or perhaps chrome and was somewhat cigar shaped. Figuring it was an airplane banking I waited to see if once it had banked I could see the unquestionable shape of an airplane. However, what happened in the following minute was very strange. The object just vanished without a trace. There wasn't a cloud in the otherwise prestine blue sky and no high-altitude smog, however this object just vanished. One minute it was there and the next gone! Very strange and fascinating at the same time... what if???r‹T- The Effect - So the first question we would ask in our study of the ramification of the existance of extra-terrestrial life is how would it affect our planet? Imagine if you will the day that it is finally revealed that intelligent life does exist on another planet. The repercussions would be felt on a global scale and in every facet of human existance. No longer would mankind be the only intelligent being in the universe with the ability to think abstractly about itself and its place in the cosmos. World-wide religions would certainly be shaken with some of them already having provisions for extra-terrestrial souls while others having to re-examine their doctrines. The universe would suddenly become smaller and yet at the same time our horizons' boundless. If it were revealed that aliens have visited planet earth then our own species-wide claustrophobia would come to an end knowing that the possibility of inter-planetary travel is possible within our laws of physics. - The Method - How then would it be revealed? Might there not be a small mention tucked away in an unobtrusive corner of a Astronomy web-site or would it be splashed on every front page of every paper on the planet. Well, since the implications are so wide-spread and all-consuming it's only logical to think the whole planet would convulse with the news. The news would be received with much skepticism as it should for something as astonishing as this, so it would take several weeks for it to sink in. As we've often seen in the past scientists are quick to make sure their conclusions are correct and proven before they reveal their findings. However, in some cases like the urlLink mars rock (ALH84001) found to contain bacterial remnants and the Appolo asteroid urlLink 1997 XF-11 who's orbit was calculated as hitting earth in the year 2029 were both announcements that in time revealed themselves to be in error. So if any announcement is made in the future of such an importance as that of finding intelligent life on another planet, the scientists will have to be sure that it is 99% accurate as the consequences that would incur with such an annoucement would have far-reaching implications. Once established as truth and accepted worldwide, the wave of change would certainly start. I'll have more of my theories on what these changes might be. - The Recipients - (disclaimer: The use of the word 'man' or 'men' is generic and is to mean all people regardless of sex) So who would get the news first, men of science, the army, men of the cloth, politicians? Who would best serve the populace and be able to present the information in such a manner as to not cause mass hysteria in the public? These are difficult questions to answer as it might take input from all these different positions to adequately prepare the public for the annoucement. Safe to say that the news would need to be presented in a factual, serious and perhaps contemplative way. Again, the permutations and ramifications of such an announcement would go well beyond anything ever presented on this planet. Finding intelligent life on another planet would probably be the most important thing ever to happen to the human race and I believe would change our species forever. In the next few entries I'd like to look at different aspects of the UFO phenomenon and delve into some of the facts, figures, places and people who have been the cast of what some skeptics have touted as the theatre of the absurd. I will also throw in a few of my own theories on UFOs, what they may be and a surprising twist on the origins of these aliens.rŒTúHi there and welcome to my new Ufology blog. So what is ufology? Well it's a term coined by combining the words UFO and the suffix 'ology' to mean the study of something, so in essence Ufology is the study of UFO's. "But I thought UFOs weren't real?" Yes, well UFOs have not been proven to come from outer space, but this blogs deals with the question what if they did exist and what would it mean. I don't propose to be an expert in this field, but UFOs have been a hobby of mine for many years and the whole subject surrounding aliens and extra-terrestrial life has always held a fascination for me. There are many scientists who will cringe at the thought of calling anything to do with UFOs a science and certainly not the study of them, but in this case my study will not be of the UFOs themselves nor of the evidence or lack of, no my study will be of the meaning, the possiblity and, dare I say it, the need for there to be extra-terrestrial life. The reader might be familiar with a FOX television special from a few years back called "Alien Autopsy", it dealt with a supposed video of an alien cadavre undergoing medical examination and dissection. Well the video ended up being a hoax, but the host of the show, Jonathan Frakes, who is famed as portraying William T Riker on Star Trek, had an interesting line when he mentioned that even if the video wasn't real it begged the question "What if it were real". My blog will do just that and examines the repercussions and ramifications of UFOs and extra-terrestrial life.rTºi find myself so busy lately and the crazy thing is i have no idea why. work has been dead yet i am always on the go there never stopping it feels like, oh well what are ya going to do? it looks like spring has finally sprung, and it is about time, the sun and the temp really boosts my spirits plus with the extended hours of light its perfect, the leafs go again tonight should be a good one the first game was sweet. this weekend should be fun not too much planned hopefuly just relax maybe see a movie and go for dinner, and i really need to sleep in sometime too. i think i am getting obsesed with jeopardy i love it! i remember when i was in burlington watching it with my nanny, and now if it is on i watch it, i am getting pretty good, at least i think so, we got this timeshifting thing with your cable so now we can watch things again if we missed them survivor friends all that stuff but jeopardy too hehehe, small things amuse small minds :prŽT”urlLink i would assume that most of the people that are going to come here know me already, so i will not bore you with my life history (not that it is boring). however a brief history is this...born in burlington, grew up there, met my wife (who is pure magic), moved to kitchener, bought a house. oh and we have a cat. i'm into sports music computers and photography, i am not into spelling, grammar, punctuation (so forgive me). you will find links to things that interest and concern me here. i am not promising the world however promising nothing :p hopefully as time goes on i will find out some more tricks and implement them here, until then cheers!rUøThis is my first entry into my first blog, i saw it on tv and thought what the hell, i dont email often enough so now i can leave it up to others to come and see me, a little selfish but hey arent we all? hope you all enjoy and find it interesting.rT^holy crap have i mentioned how happy i am that it is spring, i was bbq'ing tonight and made this huge ass burgers and oh my god they were so good, plus just being out there in the nice air and breeze whoo! good stuff, work still sucks, really dead there, not much to do, a/c season should help it pick up (hopefully) one last thing... i love my wife!r‘Tówell it has been a while and i am back, to be honest i havent really been on my computer in a while either, so dont think i am ignoring all you people out there...not much happening, work sucks and i want to change jobs but i dont know what to do, plus i have to wait for my house to close in september before i can even look, so i am kinda stuck here, as long as it pays the bills at the end of the month than i am okay. cars suck too, my wipers arent working and i have to get them fixed for the second time, hopefully its not going to cost an arm and a leg...went out with some friends the other night and played some NTN trivia, that was tons of fun, felt good to be out and about, anyways i'll try to be more on top of this thing, until then cheers!r’TÚthe last week has been so nice, its about time though, the winter was so shity and i think everyone one has been awaiting the cold snap, it gets me thinking of all this stuff i want to do in our yard...only thing is the builders are yet to put down sod so we are screwed and cant really do a damn thing, although once it is done there will be a list a mile long of stuff that needs to be made...this is a pretty cool looking urlLink fire pit that may just make the list...r“T3urlLink News: Mexican Air Force Films UFOs okay dont we all agree we are not the only things in this universe, so its nice to see that an agency is finally willing to admit it too, now you can say what you will about the evidence fake or not, but you have to give them props for sticking their necks out...r”Tñwell...here i am again, i have not been too faithfull with this thing over the past year, but a lot has changed in that year so i am going to give it another go. you may notice i have changed the look around here, i think it looks better, a bit more upbeat, wouldnt you say. as i was mentioning a lot has changed in the past year, we moved into our house in october and i now have a new job, which means everyone is a lot happier and hey, isnt that what life is all about, well until next time...r•T)urlLink Awful Plastic Surgery This is an interesting look at the celebrity world, some celebs you would never think that they have gotten work done yet others it seems really obvious exspecially with the before and after pictures, its kinda funny but a lot of times they looked better before...some are a real shock and you have to ask yourself what the hell were you thinking...as for me, dont worry no work done here, all natural baby...its all me...which some may say is good and others maybe say is bad...either way i am staying the same so blah...r–TŸurlLink MSNBC - Sept. 11 panel moves on to NYC hello again, i have been feeling under the weather lately but am doing a bit better today, just a messed up head cold i think...the weekend was good, i had to work on saturday for a bit but no big deal really, sunday was really good spent a lot of time outside in the sun, went mini-golfing and than went out for dinner with some friends...all in all a good weekend...now you might say i am not the biggest fan of the USA for a number of reasons and you can call me what you will but hell i'm still going to think what i want, but after reading this article from cnn, i was shocked, its hard to think that there is a group down there that is judging how well emergency crews reacted to two airliners slamming in to two buildings...now i'm sure there are measures and procedures that need to be taken and that are taught to firefighters and police people, but to say that they failed to do what was expected of them is crazy...i agree with Giuliani's..........yes it probably smart to have compatible radio systems but i dont think anyone could have been trained for that...anyways sorry i kinda went on there...just my 2 cents ya know.r—T4urlLink Welcome to Gmail man i think i want a gmail account, not so much cause of all the storage and stuff but because i hate having to open an email account and use some nickname than a string of 8 numbers because there are so many people that already have that nickname, its sillyi know but i want gmail.r˜U×urlLink The World Hockey Association I wonder if the NHL is over and if this my last time at an NHL game? This WHA thing sounds really cool, i like the rule changes they have made i wonder if it will fly though...r™UThe ACC in February... urlLinkršT<urlLink Venus' trip across the Sun draws thousands this is pretty cool, i'm kinda into astronomy and stuff but not really, if you know what i mean. i totally missed this though, and it was funny cause i was farting around on the net one day and read that this was going to be happening, so i made a little note on my calendar but than still totally forgot about it, i was at wonderland at the time it would have been happening and it was pretty overcast for the morning until about 2 so so i probably wouldnt have been able to see anything anyway...but yeah cool shit ehr›TnurlLink TheStar.com - No link between Saddam, 9/11 hmmmm....isnt that interesting i kinda thought it was amazing how 5 minutes after the WTC fell that the US was starting a war, now you may think that they must of had some reason to do this, right? and maybe they did someone must have told them that they were working together and that is fine that is that persons job to figure it all out, however if US was so sure on that intelligence than why did they not listen when that intelligence told them the attack was coming?? SCREWED! now i am no one of mass importance and nor am i anyone that has all the facts but shit!rœT²urlLink CNN.com - Rapper DMX arrested in New York - Jun 25, 2004 if i were a somewhat popular rapper than from time to time came out with catchy song that stuck around for a couple months, i think i would be making enough money to buy my own car. i really dont get celbrities and what the hell they are thinking sometimes, you always hear about big timers that get paid millions and they go bankrupt that they are having money troubles its prob because of all the shit they buy...i would definetly buy some cool shit but than stop, you wont me famous for ever so you wont be rich forever either...one thing that i am not sure about is celebs winning shit...i kinda think they should be not allowed to. dont know if you heard but aflack just won like $350,000 and some poker tounry and can now play in the big one when ever that is, but holy shit, its not like he needs it, but i suppose if you are good at something than do it right...anywaysrT1urlLink CNN.com - Source: Mary-Kate Olsen?treated for eating disorder - Jun 22, 2004 hmmm, you dont say, anorexia? what come on! Is it really so hard to believe? now that they are 18 its all the net and papers and mags so their pic is everywhere too, she is nasty looking, good for her for getting helpržUÍurlLink my thoughts well what do you know someone else i know has a blog now, she was bored yesterday and i bugged her into it i think...oh well, one thing though honey, you will never be as cool as me :prŸT\This is my brother Ian trying to do a funnel, it had been a while since he had done this so its excusable, a couple good points of this picture a)his girlfriend is laughing at him in the background b)he didn't spill what was left in the funnel in fact he finished it off once he was done spitting up what was in his mouth...ahhh fun times. urlLinkr UlThis is me - doing 1 of 5 funnels for the evening. Long before I got into the Jack and puked. Haha urlLinkr¡T°Hey! so had a good time this weekend it ended up being a long weekend for me and my step bro and his chic came up so that was fun, we went to some country bar, sounds lame but it was fun, they left early cause she wasnt feeling well so my wife and i stayed a bit longer...kinda got shit faced...i was telling my wife it seemed like i was punishing myself sound dumb but man i was pounding, than we walked half way home and i was being a dick, so she was pissed, i dont get why there are times where you drink so much that you cant remember,thinking back its not all that fun and the morning after sucks too...but all in all it was a good time, i am working on posting some pics from it...r¢UÌurlLink AskMen.com - Movie roles that never happened This list is pretty interesting, a lot of them are really hard to imagine, The Matrix would have sucked huge if it was Will Smith, that guy is a tool.r£TÁurlLink New Car! It's been a while since i have said anything on this, but i am going to get back on track, first let me tell you that we just got a new car, we are leasing a 2004 Hyundai Accent GS....mmmm i love it, its far better than my old 94 shadow...nothing against that car but it was time for a change, i tried to drive it home last week and it was over heating, because my water pump was busted and so was my thermostat, so that got fixed up but because of the over heating they said that most likely my head gasket went too, sure enough it did, it still worked but took a while to get going any speed, so we went on the hunt for something new...i'm happy with our choice, i will try to post some pics of it...other than that things have been good, i am hoping to put posts for my deck in this sunday, i really hope we can i want to get going on it so i can use if for at least some of the summer...but we will see, anyways thats all for me today, byer¤T/urlLink FOXSports.com - Ricky: I failed 3rd drug test before quitting I love it! I think this whole thing is so funny, only in the NFL can a star pass up money and fame because he wants to smoke up. I just think it is funny, he says there are other reasons but really why would you leave so early in your career. I know but head daigle left early and shit too because he didnt have the passion anymore, and he has come back since, but i dont think owners would want to invest in ricky any more if he is willing to up and leave... i dunno just kinda odd...r¥T²urlLink CNN.com - Boy, 13, dies after running from bear Isn't it ironic...i know i poke fun and its nothing i should be giggling about but come on! yeah think you would take off running than look back and see nothing chasing you than stop...and what about the counselor? do you think he stopped when the kid fell, he probably thought he tripped so the coun. thought to hell with slow poke, i'm saving myself! so yeah shity deal...r¦U´urlLink CNN.com - Man's chainsaw tumble kills wife Talk about one in a million. Just the thought of this is crazy, i sit here trying to visualize this happening. Its pretty sad.r§UœI'm on a cruise to Alaska this week. If I have Sidekick service I'll update when I feel like it, if I don't I'll talk to you all when I get back. Peace.r¨XßSo, looking back a day or so, remember how I said I got in a fight with my mother? About my lack of responsibility and generally useless-ness; lest we not forgot laziness as well. so I woke up today, and when I awoke, I awoke with purpose. a purpose to do things correctly, to put others before self, and to generally take every cliché I could and stuff it into my panties. Well, this was somewhat accomplished; instead of getting up at my usual 12:30 pm, I awoke at 10:00. I then proceeded to make breakfast, and GASP even cleared my plate and put it in the dishwasher. my mother, the fine woman that she is, then decided to call me on the telephone. when I answered, she inquired as to whether it would be to my liking if we went to the first ever farmers market in Bellevue, and then went to her work so I could help her. normally, I would weigh these 2 options, the 2 options being a. staying at home; which consists of: - watching TV - a lot of aim - web surfing - masturbation - and the like and b. going to my mothers work, which would involve none of the previously described hedonistic activities, and would result in me doing crafts meant for 6 year olds to see if they would work for her "customers", but don’t forget, today, today my friends, was different. so, it was with those fleeting images that I meekly agreed to dress myself, change my diabetes supplies and turn off the computer, and venture out into the unknown. when I arrived, I tried to be as courteous as possible “mother, can I help with this or that?†I carried back all of her bags from the farmers market and placed them ever-so gently into her trunk, then proceeding onto her work, I spent 3 hours making tissue paper flowers to make sure that they were not hard for the children when this was done, I came home. but just when I thought my trials and tribulations were over, I was summoned again this time it was to give the dog fresh water no, never mind the fact that you are four feet away and could fill it up yourself, it is much more efficient for you to summon your son, who is located 1 story and a flight of stairs below you, to do said deed and I obliged, I came up and filled that water dish to the best of my abilities. not 1 drop was spilled, and it was placed back on the ground with grace not seen in times like today well, continuing on my courteous kick, I asked if the table had been set why no, my mom replied, a smug grin invading her upper facial region well I said, maybe I should do that then maybe you should she said so I remove the utensils from their respective drawers, fold the napkins and pour the beverages. it is at this point, with my task completed, that my mom tells me that she wished to dine outside on the deck this poses a conundrum the outside table, left unused for the winter has acquired what many would refer to as "filth" thus, it was unfit for food to be consumed upon but, do not let that worry you; of course it would be my delight to spend 1 half hour in the blazing sun wiping that table off, and then resetting it with all that done and accounted for, I was, mad, yet satisfied with my efforts wanting to face the trees, I asked my brother if I could have the spot that overlooked our yard this request was met with a "Sam I really want to sit there too, sorry, should’ve asked sooner" yes Nate, whatever you please. when I was done I cleared his plate, and my mothers, and everything that was out on the table I then put everything in the dishwasher I then ran the dishwasher at this point I was heated and retreated back to my room to escape from the retardedness of my family but wait it gets better after thinking about it for a while I realized that not once during the entire day had anyone thanked me for giving up my time to help them : whether it was at my mom's work, or through my tireless kitchen chores I thank my mom when she does the slightest thing but no, a simple, thanks Sam is too much to muster after an hour of being removed from the situation I am summoned once again this time by my father who had just arrived home from Chicago there was no hello son or, my trip was grand, was your day swell? no, I was greeted with a "Sam, sit down" I proceeded to park my derriere in a seat at the dining room table which still possessed the placemats I had set upon it just a few hours earlier for the next 20 minutes I was inundated with reasons why I wasn’t good enough, especially concerning my grades this left me speechless I had worked my ass off in every one of those classes I had raised all my grades to b's, except in Spanish, in which the teacher specifically said that I had been working just as hard, and just wasn’t getting it now, if anyone else had said this to me my mother, for example anyone other than my father I would’ve ripped into them I would’ve yelled like there was no tomorrow no, but here I sat listening to my father telling me that I wasn’t someone that colleges want the only words I spoke during this verbal tirade were "dad, um, I'm in 9th grade?" his response to this was impressive as I sat there, and watched him yell at me about disrespect, laziness, how the test scores must be wrong because they say I’m smart, and to him I’m a dumb fuck I bit my lip the entire time and it bled by the end at the end of his performance he asked me Sam I’m not mad at you a single tear dripped down my cheek Sam, I’m not mad, I just want you to understand that you need to try harder. I’m not asking you to get straight a's I’m asking you to get b's, b+'s, a-'s, that sort of thing so Sam does it make sense? I shook my head and said no, and left the table as I left he yelled come back her goddammit I want to talk to you no I’m not coming back dad and I’m not an angry adolescent you're just a fucked up old man no there was no mention of 1- Sam pulled up 3 of his grades 2- there’s three paragraphs in my history comment about how nice I am to other people about how honest and courteous I am no he took the only nice point in the English comment that I am quick with words and told me it was because I was dumb it was all I had to rely on so dad, I’m through well 2 hours later instead of him coming down to talk to me he yells at me from the stairs Sam come up here you need to do a blood sugar test ok ill do one later no you will do one know fine so I get up I comply I walk past him as I enter the kitchen "Sam, I want you to know that I said that because I love you" silence "and that I said it because I felt that this is a time for you to make changes" silence "Sam, give me a hug" he reaches in to give me a hug "dad, I don’t have to give you a hug" Sam come back here and give me a hug dammit no I didn’t I just walked out of the room so dad how was your trip? and that’s it that’s how I feel about lifer©TeSo there's this thing called motivation, and I don't have any. I suppose it's fine; it's summer and if I want to I can sleep in all day. But I don't want to. There are things I want to do. I just don't know what. I think that this is the problem. I feel empty, like I'm in a holding pattern, or I'm out of the loop, and then I wonder why I'm not motivated to do anything. It's probably that I don't know what I'm doing, so I'm not going to see the end goal. I had a fight with my mom yesterday. I was at Steve's, watching a movie with him and Eli, and she said she was going to pick me up at 9:00. Too early, but I try to make it easy, she's the one doing me the favor. Steve's street is set up so that there's a place that has his same address but it's a block up. Long story short, she drove around for an hour looking at me from 9:00-10:00. I don't know why this woman hates me. Hold on, let me clear my throat. I do. I am -not responsible -lazy -irresponsible -lazy -not responsible -bad -spoiled -lazy -irresponsible in her eyes. Why don't you do this and that is all that she tells me. She wants her little boy back, I want to come back. But I can't, because everytime I make peace with her, I end up making things worse, and feeling like I'm wasting my time. So, here I go, off to try and meet your demands again. Let's see how long it lasts. -scsrªTàI am beat. Like falling over beat. And I am nowhere close to the finish line. I am stumbling. I am there, I am waiting. For who? For you, the one that called me tonight. You spent the night, but not at my house. Understandable, judging from our conversation. "Oh, but I would..." No, you wouldn't. You don't give a fuck. So quit your masquerading, take off your mask. And turn away. Walk away. And come back when you need me, lord know I'll be here, for you or not.r«TNOk, here's the deal: I've switched from LiveJournal to Blogger. Why, you ask? Well, there are a couple of reasons. First, I had a blogger account a long time before I had a LJ account. I always liked Blogger, and since they updated with all of these new features, I figured I would go back and give it a try. 2. urlLink Tony Pierce told me to go from LJ to Blogger. Since urlLink Tony Pierce is really one of the only people I would listen to even though I have never met him in person, I decided to come back to Blogger. All of this must sound really silly. But, don't be sad, children, for there is hope. I have created a syndication of my Blogger account that you LJ users can subscribe to. This way, I'll still show up in your friends page, and you can still leave comments. Talk to me if you have any questions. -samshapiror¬T>I wonder if she knows the effect she was on me I wonder if she knows that everytime she writes or calls I forget what I'm doing And pay all my attention to her But I guess practice makes perfect And she makes me wanna be Sometimes I think she's testing me But I don't know for what I just wish we were togetherr­T6What do you love? What is love? How does one define it? Its funny too Love, that is One day your sitting out on your porch, drinking a soda (or a beer, if your looking for that grizzled, gritty look) And they are telling you Yeah you could get with her Yeah you probably could But the question is Why? Why would you want to get with her? Well here's my answer Fuck you. It goes from that To I'll look into it And then you actually look into it Because you are a desperate, crazy, son of a bitch And you realize That you like her And that you'd be up late one night Telling her that you like her And you're actually self confidant You lost 15 pounds And you still dress fly Not that fly No gucci suits No prada No fendi Well, your glasses are fendi And you realize That your only gonna be happy When you can wear a hanes beater and some champion sweats And feel like your rockin evisu and some j's Because maybe she wil make you feel like that And you hope she will And you think its funny that she goes You have some balls Gotta love thatr®T’I just watched love and basketball. And it changed my life. I'm sitting there, thinking Take her back Take her back Take her back you dumb motherfucker. And he doesn't And in the end Its like Love finds a way. And its beautiful. But what it captures Is the heartbreak The time spent waiting Thinking Wondering Will she ever call Did she mean that And then Happy ending And it just made me want to talk to her more I'm gonna quit my job Gimmie my paycheck All I want Is for her to love me back Like in the movie I want her to knock on my window at 3 am And be like We need to talk I would be like Mmmhmm yeah we do And then I would tell her how much I loved her Roll credits But she already knows That's why I'm there All the time Fuck I miss her I miss the talks The reassurance The oh shit I can't believe I just said that So if your reading And you know who you are I love you I miss you And I'm sorry. And you'll never know how much I care about you. And And And if you counted the number of times I cried over you You'd need to use your fingers and your toes And this is sam Crying Doesn't happen. I play the stoneface Ice cold Type of thing Not the touchy feely Sweater vest wearing Type of thing But I would I would for you I might even eat a peanut butter and pickle sandwich for you But only if I knew I'd be getting some And you'd need to bring a friend But the thing about you is I never wanted to fuck you I never jacked off to you I just wanted to sit And talk And hold you And I don't think that will ever happen with us But if you want Call 24 hours a day Because Simply I'm in love with your¯Tˆits worse when all your friends have these great relationships with these awesome chicks and they r tighter than spandex and your sitting at home on your computer thinking about how you fucked up every single one of your chances at love, and then you think about drowning it all in shitty beer but realize your too lazy to go upstairs and get one, and then the tears turn to anger, and then to just plain dispair and desperation, and then you write this to a girl on im who you talk to because you need someone to listen but you really dont know her and the only reason you talk to her is because shes cute and you feel like you deserve to talk to cute chicks as opposed to ugly ones because, well, god damn it you have a reputation to uphold, and then u start to see that its all in your head and no one cares about your self pity or lack of self confidance or your anything, and that your just not shitr°TurlLink I've got a confession. I'm not having the greatest summer. Sure its nice, it's fun to hang out with friends and work and make a little money. But its nothing special. I already went out of town, and that wasn't that great. I came back. I still feel alienated from the group sometimes. But whatever. I don't want to go back to lakeside at all. I don't want to play football. I had a goal for this summer And that was to meet someone who I really cared about And so far that hasn't happened And trust me Its not from lack of trying New topic I crossed the line into metrosexualism yesterday I went shopping at express And I actually bought something Gay guys are funny Kinda creepy and have wierd voices, but funny. That was a big generalization. Sue me.r±TXThis can't be life This can't be love Thank you sean carter So I was talking to her last night And I thought to myself Do conversations really get this 1 sided? Does she realize how much more I care about talking to her than she does to me? I could've stopped right there No wait I probably couldn't have She's like crack Addictive I couldn't sit there and be like "Jesus sam snap out of it get over it" Boyz 2 men was not going to write a song about this one Well maybe But only if it was one of those sexy, put this on before you rip off my clothes type songs And I highly doubted it would be. Never see her Never talk to her. Well sometimes Hell this image of perfection that I associate with her Could be Probably is Just a figment of my imagination I hear sirens outside of my window A funny thing Considering outside of my window is the most comfortable place to be in my house. God I hate this feeling Because you never know what's going on and then you realize that its just you, and you suck. So I'm out.r²Tgno i wouldnt say shes the prettiest girl ive ever seen oh well then shes the prettiest one ive ever talked to or made small talk with i can never seem to get into conversations with girls i like seems like i gotta watch myself, especially when u dont know them stay neutral on everything except a big yes on the available meter i love how every time we talk it leads to my friend and his lack of friendship to her and how he blew it or i think he did maybe he fucked himself over maybe not i am not one to judge i got a cavity filled today they couldnt use anestetic so it hurt bad i got home and ran around the block to let off all the anger that i had because the damn doctor didnt put anestetic on and then i took a nap tommorow is a new day and a early one so with it come a new chance con ella living on borrowed time the clock ticks fasterr³T“ july has to be my favorite month i love sleeping outside in the hammock butt ass naked and waking up whenever i feel like it and then i have stuff to do, off to work but u dont show so i wait overdressed and uder slept overpaid for nothing going back to lakeside and seeing those kids and hearing his i got with her in the shower story made me remember how much i hate lakeside its just a whole bunch of cocky rich kids trying to one up each other i said that that was the reason i hated lakeside girls and kevin said he didnt hate them and i said that was the reason i said that because they dont hate kevin they have less time to not hate me maybe im just jealous fuck maybe im am jealous and im tired of being immature and of my friends being mad at me and i think i might have a new crush but maybe maybe i should just get drunk right now and squash that before i start to obsess about her and before i start asking her every weekend what shes doing and before the awkward silences shit maybe ill grow up get rich live in a condo overlooking the city and ill wear a bathrobe with my initials on it and ill smoke a pipe and i will not be loved because i went through life looking for it and never found it and i came back a bitter, hardened man and i became ruthless and i just hired hookers when i needed sex and inside i was sad but on the outside you can put a gun to my head and i wont flinch because thats how cool i am, cool under fire i hate it when u have to see new sides of people when its not something u wanna know but itll come up i hate how i feel like shit whenever i tell a joke and i hate that i cant accept that someone can just laaugh i hate the shoeboxes on my floor i hung out and went shopping with her shes as fleety as my writing bobbing and weaving not knowing, but not showing or telling where her pedicured toes would take her only sure that id be at her side friends in the back and then i realized this is all a dream she doesnt want this im just the one she comes to for advice and to vent i am to her what i am to every other girl im the good friends guy and im good friends, but nothing more like sherman from american pie "we had one of those, like, amazing deep conversations. we sat up until 3 in the morning just talking" i hear u sistah i want to have one of those but it would eventually have to lead to sex because everyone knows that if u wanna get laid, just mask it and ull get some from some ugly bitch and then then cry because ur life no its not a mess its just sorry, boring and pathetic and most of all ur work ur art ur life is unappreciated and then then u r the manr´Tïdear peter, im sorry im sorry i couldnt have been there for you when u needed me. im sorry i couldnt have made things easier for you im sorry u have to go through all this shit right now. i remember the first time we met, i mean, we knew each other, but this was the first time we chilled together. fuckin most fun ive ever had sure, u sucked at school and were annoying but u r my best friend and i miss you more than you know i feel like your dead because after this shit that happened, i know that ur life isnt going to be the same i know that your parents are gonna be on ur case and i know that ur never gonna be able to party again fuck man, i miss the days of petey pablo, of playing ball during the day and messing around with chicks at night i miss the sleepovers i miss the room with all the shoes i miss the can haha the can i miss the schmirkneever fuck man, i miss you so, even though you cant read this because ur off in outward bound somewhere because frankly ur life sucks right now im here for u dog remember the time u poured beer all over sarahs pants or when m and c got hella wasted and me u rand and putshit had to make sure they didnt kill eachother shit, i had my first drink with u remember our endless quest to get papers? and when u were drunk at my house how u used to name all my shoes? remember basketball, at medina, where itd just be u and me down low dominating? remember taco del mar and when i ordered 6 meats? remember going to retro for the melo 2s and not getting any and then u slept over and we woke up at 5 and were like fuck it? remember the am90s u copped for me? remember the mariners games? fuck the women, fuck the parents. i miss you man i love you come home, and well sort this shit out.rµU>urlLink These are all my shoeboxes And with that I'm doner¶TI can't sleep Its 2:37 I have work in 7 and a half hours. And I begin to see the demise of my life I just don't care enough about anything. Fuck, I could leave lakeside this summer and never look back. I could never see people from there again. And not to say that I don't like you, I have friends there. But I just don't love you enough to not leave you. Same with my family; sure I'd be depressed for a while, but I wouldn't fight it. And maybe that's my problem. By not being attached so strongly to anything, I'm really just nothing, nothing really defines me. We are what we know and what we do. And we usually know what we do, and do what we know. But what happens if your knowledge is scattered throughout a whole bunch of different things? There's no job opening that says multiple choice on the nameplate. And if there's one thing I've noticed, I'm sick of fucking noticing. I'm sick of this pusedo-hippie bullshit that makes me have to be fucking in touch with my feelings. And I hate how I follow it. I hate how thinking blows things out of proportions. Just because she laughs doesn't mean she wants to suck your dick. And I'm done with all of you. I'm sick of your attitudes. I'm done with the unappreciative bullshit. I don't know where I'll go, but it sure as hell aint here. I wanna go somewhere where the brunettes wear green and pink and the blondes have deep voices and shallow eyes, and where her frivolous smile Is only one Disguise muscle said chalk it up to achohol Maybe I will ryan, maybe I will.r·T”i have done it im officially part of the american workforce and i dont feel any different seriously it wasnt very hard, and it was kinda fun maybe im just a geek i really feel like i need to do something like, im just biding my time. and there is stuff i can do i need to run and i ran today and i would be like chill the fuck out its summer but i feel like i need to run a whole bunch maybe thats y the call it add i want a supreme cap hell i just want to go shoppping but im broke fuck you rainbow am95's fuck u my loyalty makes me $252.45 poorer wierd i want to hug ashlee simpson because shes my skater blonde chick in shining armorr¸Tóso i just had an orthodontist appointment and i am awesome why?, u ask? well because i just fucking am and im pretty happy with that because you see the whole time im sitting in the chair im thinking about what i am going to eat for lunch and it goes against the whole principal of what im doing at the ortho appt im gonna fuck up my teeth more while they r trying to unfuck them up well sucks for them i realized that not all she has are pretty eyes i believe her lies --shapirosr¹Tçso i just had an orthodontist appointment and i am awesome why?, u ask? well because i just fucking am and im pretty happy with that because you see the whole time im sitting in the chair im thinking about what i am going to eat for lunch and it goes against the whole principal of what im doing at the ortho appt im gonna fuck up my teeth more while they r trying to unfuck them up well sucks for them i realized that not all she has are pretty eyes i believe her liesrºT¾i saw the fireworks at the park this year and i didnt even watch them i went to the park and walked around and we ran into kasras friend and kasras friends friend and they were in line and i said hey can we cut in line and they smiled only if u buy us a elephant ear we debated and i caved in and bought one and i was kinda pissed i mean trademark of a desperate fuck is that hes whipped and nothing says that more than buying a girl something 5 minutes after seeing her and fuck, maybe it is because shes my best friends best friend and maybe its because she has big boobs and maybe i wanted to impress them but looking back it cost me a lot more in dignity than 4 fucking dollarsr»T?it is 15 minutes past the hour it is 15 years since i was born fucking crazy huh my parents have been really bitchy not sort of whiny nagging bitchy but stern ill crush ur balls like grapes bitchy dont raise ur voice at me i hadnt decibel level still registering the same he came down to check on me did u give urself the shot he asked uh yes he never comes down to check on me it was wierd like he didnt trust me like he thinks ill go off and smoke a bunch of weed i might i mean i cant say i wont because weed is fun especially with friends and girls and their eyes look sexy when theyre high but no, i doubt i will i dont drink much not a point to it takes me too much to get buzzed and its expenisve but i dont do that stuff remember? so y r my parents so suspicious of me all the sudden? what did i do? did they look at this as a perfect time to pull back in on the reigns or so the parenting book says i used to read those so id get a boner on the talking about sex to ur kids part wow how far ive come, from stories to pictures to movies from nothing to full life with sound. looking through the bellevue high yearbook i cant stop thinking about how beautiful she is shes too skinny and too short and too beautiful too damn beautiful the cholrine just makes the stinging from my tears worse.r¼T„urlLink this is my friend kasra. he is from iran. he came here in 1999. kasra likes basketball and rap music and shoes. kasra has a funny dad. kasra's dad always tries to go running and comes back talking about the battles he has with the pavement. kasra has a friend named lauren. sam has a friend named lauren. kasra confides everything in lauren. sam confides everything in lauren. kasra is sad that lauren is leaving for californina, and will never come back. sam is sad that lauren is in california. kasra used to love lauren sam did too. they both still do just in that half brother half not brother way. its fucked up.r½Ti am back, fat, and ugly as ever. yet the ladies still love me. i do not know why they took my insulin pump away. they want me to get better at diabetes. i am better look at my results i say. no you are not they say so they take away my little pancreas that i carry in my pocket. and they say go back on shots and so now i prick my self 10 times a day like i did back in 97 98 99 back when i didnt know what weed was and had no desire to try cocaine before the bad rep and the bad self esteem before all my friends got busted and got sent away to the far end of the earth so now i am here to repent my diabetic sins, so there it is. purged. --shapirosr¾TOLet me tell you about the summer of my discontent I have done nothing I did nothing in the sense that I didn't do anything worth talking about when the teachers ask us about our summer. "Sam, what did you do on your vacation?" "Well, I lost 25 pounds by basically not eating, went running most days because I felt like I had to do something good for myself, worked at a job that made me come home and bitch about it, only to go back the next day. And probably the biggest thing I did this summer was not getting with kendall, and not telling her how I felt about her." "What? You didn't tell her?" That's how I think the conversation would go. Its one of those things where you value the actual act of liking her too much to actually tell her how you feel. Actually your just too damn scared that she'll think your a stalker and never talk to you again. That's a problem when you've built her up in your mind to be this dark haired goddess with the cute eyes and the viscous smile. Maybe I'm being immature about this. Maybe I'll get one of my friends to ask her out for me like we used to do in 5th grade. Ok, probably not, but maybe I should just let this burn out until I don't like her anymore, all feelings don't need to lead to a relationship. People say I'm immature. I'm fat. Unfunny. Slow. Not awesome. To this, I say your right, I am all of those things. In fact I'd be hard-pressed to find 1 positive thing about myself for every 3 negative things I said. But I am happy with where I am right now. I'm doing things for me. I wish I could be like you, easily amused.r¿TWhat do we have in common? Hopefully we both like her (unless she's full of self hate) Ashlee simpson Chilling on the lake I can't think of anything else. For how much I like her I should know more about her Or maybe we should just have more in common Or maybe We should say fuck formalities And get together and have a lot of kids And then I could be like now we have somthing in common And sure We might be labeled as trailer trash But love conquers all Even trailer trash Sometimes I wish what I said was true Like when I talk about how hot I am Or how I have to fend off girls by the masses That's the stuff that's supposed to be funny but its actually kinda sad Because its kist an attempt for me to put all my insecurities on the table Maybe I'll scare them off one dayrÀTI realize the error of my ways I tend to overdue things Lets take football, for example. Lifting 5 days a week in the off season Constantly talking to my dad and friends about it Researching cleats Etc.. Sometimes you just need to suck it up Say fuck it to all the extra baggage that comes with it And actually do something And I know no one will understand this But this whole overdoing it Ends up fucking everything up Because it just isn't fun anymore when you do something all the time Whatever I hate my jobrÁTžI'm going to San Diego on Sunday and will be there for a week. There are a number of things I'm looking forward to doing, but I wanted to know if anybody else (that has been there) knows of any places or activities or whatever that I should *make sure* we don't miss while we're out there. I just don't want to forget anything. I already plan on going to the San Diego Zoo and In-and-Out Burger. Other suggestions?rÂTsI've been reading Walker Percy's Love in the Ruins for the past few wweeks now, and the further I get into it, the more I like it. After my conversation with you, Jeremiah, I made myself care less about the lapsometer's functionality and in doing so have started to appreciate the deeper facets of the story much more. I am thoroughly enjoying becoming fully immersed in Dr. Thomas More's growing paranoia and fleeting love affairs. I've got a chunk of time tonight by myself with nothing to do, so I'm planning on using that to get some more reading done. I thank you for giving me something to look forward to this evening.rÃT­Well, it seems as though Matt Pamer has died. As such, we fellas making a weekend out of Lebowski Fest is not looking good, which is not to say that I'm not still up for it. But if that continues to fail to materialize... Jeremiah, last night we talked of you coming to MI in June. The dates for that weekend we discussed are June 26 + 27 (Sat + Sun). If you'd like to make it a longer weekend, that'd be great, but I'd understand if you had to go back for work or school or whatever. Two days doesn't seem like enough time for us to catch up, though. Another bit of news that may entice you to visit that weekend... Pedro's playing at the Magic Stick in Detroit on the 27th (of June).rÄT¥Guys, come on! Are you just being indecisive or what's going on? I've proposed a chance for all of us to hang out for a weekend, and nobody has made a peep about it. Are you forgetting that we haven't seen each other in almost TWO YEARS??? Let's go to Lebowski Fest and have a freaking good time! I should've known better not to expect an RSVP for Lebowski 6.19, since I never even got one when you were IN my wedding...rÅTkI just thought I'd mention this... Blogger now has a comment feature. So when you respond to someone's post, just respond by making a comment instead of creating a whole new post. That will make everything on this blog nice and clean. When you click to leave a comment, you'll be asked to log in to your blogger account because I have it set so only members of this blog can leave comments. One other thing: if you have not yet, take a minute to create your Blogger profile. You can upload a picture and stuff. It's similar to a Friendster page, but no testimonies and no desparate pleas for a date. Anyway, that's all.rÆT;Ok, I thought maybe you and Matt would have gotten my email, went to my own blog and then responded about going to the 3rd Annual Lebowski Fest. But I obviously assumed wrong. So maybe you'll answer me here...want to meet me at urlLink Lebowski Fest ? Let me know your thoughts. I think it'd be friggin' awesome!!!rÇT.dear michaelgabriel, i actually got that new ptl album about three weeks or more ago. dave and i had been emailing back and forth about some things, and he ended up sending out a free copy for me before the release. at first i didn't like it as much as the last two ... i really went in for the whole concept album bit ... but after listening more i have to agree that it's really good. really good. i don't know if i think it's better than the last two, but i do think it's as good. ??have you heard the new mum??? who else is on this blog? love, jeremiahrÈT½Did anybody else pre-order the Pedro album from Jade Tree? I got my copy in the mail yesterday, two weeks prior to its release. Granted, I've been listening to an illegal copy for the past two months, but anyway, now I got the real thing with all of Jesse LeDoux's artwork and everything. It's nice. Anyway, if anyone else has it, I want to know what you think of the album. I think it's Bazan's best offering since "It's Hard to Find a Friend".rÉUBoth of you guys need to see urlLink "City of God" , if you already haven't. I rented it this past Friday and it blew me away.rÊTùJeremiah. I just found out, after you bought your plane tickets, that I can't take off any of those days that you'll be here. Plus, they want me to work Saturday, too. So it kinda sucks, but you'll be all alone during the day until about 3:30 each day. But then we can hang out and have a good time. Is that cool? Oh, actually, can we just meet at the Dairy Queen in on Middlebelt Rd. near the airport for some lunch, like on that Sunday? That's really all that I have time for. *this is all just a jokerËT†The other night I was being lazy and watching a little of the Food TV channel and managed to catch Emeril Live. I used to watch this show almost everyday about three years ago, but lost interest for various reasons. Anyway this night Emeril did a whole show on Summer Squash and had one recipe for a cold soup. Well seeing as I am eating just about everything cold now, cause I live in the Sun's Valley, I was very interested. I have this strange ability to watch someone make something once and be able to pretty well replicate what they have done. So I took a few of the things that Emeril did and made it into something of my own. I hope you enjoy, and please experiment. Ingredients: 8 Tbsp Unsalted Butter 3 Medium Yellow Onions - Diced 5 Cloves Garlic - Minced 6 Tsp Kosher Salt 4 Tsp Black Pepper 3 Tsp Red Curry 3 Tsp Cumin 2 Tsp Cayenne Pepper 1 Tsp Ginger 4 lbs Summer Squash - 1 inch cubes 6 Cups Chicken Broth (I use the instant stuff) 1 Cucumber 2 Tbsp Rice Vinegar 1 Bunch Cilantro Directions: In large pot melt butter, add onion and simmer a minute or so. Add garlic and spices let simmer another minute or three. Add Squash and simmer another 5 minutes. Add broth and bring to a boil. Once boiling turn to low and let simmer for 25 to 30 minutes. Use hand blender to puree to desired texture (I like mine fairly smooth but with a few chunks to make it interesting. Place into Ice Bath and into refrigerator to chill. Garnish: De-Seed cucumbers and slice very thin. Place into bowl with Vinegar and a cup of water. Let soak for a few hours and pour out remaining water/vinegar mixture (This is something I picked up when I was a Sushi Chef. Chop Cilantro to various sizes. Serve: Serve chilled with an array of cucumber slices in a wheel with cilantro sprinkled on top. Excellent as appetizer for almost any entree. I also like to have some Tortillas around for dipping. urlLink Read more!rÌTbWhat a fitting first post for my new blog on eating. For any of you who don't know me, I have this strange relationship with Coffee. On one hand I love her like a fair maiden of a magical wasteland, and on the other I despise the grip that she has on me and how I feel when trying to get away. I absolutely adore the flavor and aroma of even a cheap brew, but my synapses go into conniptions when a real class brew is served. There is no equivalent for flavor or effect: Coffee is my drug of choice. This will be a multi-part series broken into chapters to convey my miniscule amount of knowledge concerning the buying, storing, brewing, and of course consuming a great cup of Joe. Along the way I will indulge you in my education of this mystical substance which is thought to have been discovered in 800BC. Chapter 1: The Shop - Storage and Grinding I grew up in the incredible town of Vail, Colorado. If you haven't heard of it I applaud you for being able to hide from popular culture for the last three decades. While I grew up there, skiing and hiking, my mother owned the greatest deli store of all time: The Cheese Shop of Vail (namesake of this Blog). Well besides selling what many consider to still be the greatest sandwiches ever created on the face of the planet and having a ridiculous collection of cheeses, my mother sold an array of Coffee. The primary roaster that I recall was Allegro Coffee, based in Boulder Colorado and whom has since been purchased by either Safeway or King Soopers, and this is where my Coffee education began. She had this huge structure of plastic bins that each held at least ten to twenty pounds of Coffee, much like what you see in the Super Markets today. Flavors ranged from French Roast to Kenya to Hazelnut and so on and so forth. I learned that storage of the beans was simple: Once you open it from the sealed bags you need to get it into a sealed container ASAP. I remember clearly messing up one time and filling the bin to its top and my mother getting so red in the face I was worried she might burst into flame and then set me alight. Once she came back down from boiling, and had me go sweep the parking lot. She explained that when the beans are out in the open they start going stale and it left out too long will not be any good to the customers. At that time I still didn't understand completely how making the customer happy had a direct effect on my life so she made it very clear: if the coffee isn't any good the lil' roger wont be getting any new toys for his birthday. A few years later I would learn that stale coffee was actually worse than not getting new toys, but this analogy definitely had its effect at the time. Well I was first entranced by the seductress Ms. Hazelnut with her sweet and, what I later learned to be false, light aromatics. My parents were always against my drinking it as I was only six or seven, but I was in love. I would sneak cups of it around the store and, with heavy amounts of cream, partake in forbidden pleasure. I learned how to grind the beans in the enormous european Burr grinder. I was fascinated with the mechanism involved: the trap door on top where the whole, and unsuspecting, beans were poured in, the gigantic adjustment knob on front where the size of the grind was determined, and the long black handle on front which served to clamp the bag in place during grind and later employed as a knocking mechanism to clear all the grinds from the chute of the beast. It was my most prized toy. I learned that the finer the grind the stronger the flavor. As my ability with the grinder and taste for coffee matured I could ask an uneducated patron how they liked their coffee and what it was to be used for, and then match the type of coffee with the appropriate level of grind. This resulted in a strong following for coffee from our store as no other vendor took the time and patience to make this happen. By the time the Espresso machine arrived I was pretty much a coffee junky. I was eleven and the foreign machine held me entranced with its knobs and levers and gauges and size. I mean good lord it took four full grown men to get it into the store and onto the counter top. This quickly became my new favorite as it had its own grinders and steam nozzles for foaming the milk. I got to the point where I was making designs in the foam after pouring and this became yet another crowd pleaser. As with all good things The Shop eventually came to an end and I was displaced from my second home. This was eventually replaced with another Coffee haven, but that is for another chapter... Further reading: Wikipedia - urlLink Vail , urlLink Coffee urlLink Read more!rÍTEThe concept of a cold soup always made my stomach turn when I was really young, so did onion and ham but those are both separate stories. At my mom's shop in the summer she always made up this really strange sounding soup, that was served COLD!?!?!? The Horror! The Horror! Then one day when I was forced to create the enormous five gallon tub of it I actually tried some and my eyes popped out of my skull. The variety of flavors involved was almost beyond comprehension, but it was the temperature that allowed your brain and more importantly your tongue to adjust. I had one of my first memorable moments of clarity: that food was so much more than something that made my stomach stop grumbling. Food was something that could amaze and bewilder as well as keep you alive, and this cold soup was the focal point for me. The problem with my style of cooking is that I don't really measure anything, its all about assumption, guessing, and testing. However, since this blog is intended to teach you how to eat and cook better I will do my best. Ingredients: 1 Large can of V8 (I like the Spicy but you can use regular) 8 Large red tomatoes 2 Cucumbers (Remove most of skin and all seeds) 3 Stalks of Celery 2 Zucchini 1/2 Medium Red Onion 1/2 Cup Parsley 1/2 Cup Cilantro 1/4 Cup Dry Oregano 1/4 Cup Dry Basil 1/4 Cup Honey (Yes Honey) 1/4 Cup Olive Oil 1 Tbsp Kosher Salt 1 Tbsp Black Pepper 1 Tbsp Tabasco sauce Directions: 1) Dice all veggies as small as you can get them, place in large bowl 2) Add V8 and seasonings, taste and add seasonings accordingly 3) Chill at least 6 hours 4) Serve cold with Parsley garnish and French bread Options: Add various spices: Chili sauce, Cumin, Curry Blend in Food Processor or blender for a creamy soup. The Honey and Tabasco are the key ingredients that my mother added to her Gazpacho. I experimented and added more of both and she freaked out, but when customers started coming in just for the Gazpacho she eased up. I started making a smaller batch with extra spice to it and this would sell just about as quickly as the regular stuff. urlLink Read more!rÎTÞSince I live on the Sun, or the valley of it anyway, I have to find cold things to eat during the summer months. Otherwise I will die, well that may be a bit melodramatic, but not by far. One dish that I really enjoy making and is super easy is my take on Pasta Salad. Ingredients: Two Boxes of urlLink Bow Tie Pasta 1/2 Large Red Onion 1 Red Pepper 1 Green Pepper 1/2 Jar urlLink Pepperoncini 2 Cans Black Olives 1 Cup Olive Oil 1 Cup Feta Cheese 1/2 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar 1/4 Cup Dry Oregano 1/4 Cup Dry Basil 1 Tbsp Kosher Salt 1 Tbsp Black Pepper Garnish: Fresh Chopped Spinach Directions: 1) Boil Pasta 10 to 12 minutes until Al Dente, then strain into Ice bath to stop from over cooking 2) Dice up vegetables to your preference (sometimes I like them small so they blend with the pasta, other times I like them almost the same size as the noodles) and add to large bowl 3) Chop up the Pepperoncini and add 4) Add pasta and begin stirring 5) Add Oil, Vinegar, Herbs and Cheese 6) Taste for seasoning 7) Chill for half an hour or so 8) Serve alone or with Grilled Chicken or Fish, Garnish with Fresh Spinach when serving to avoid sogginess. This dish is super cheap and nutritious. If you are watching your pocket book even closer cut out the Feta, it will still taste great. Also remember to have fun when making this. If you are like me and like the kick the red onion gives it then put more in. Add some asian chili sauce if you want some warmth to it. urlLink Read more!rÏUcommon work dammitrÐhìT‡If you dont know what a urlLink Site Feed is dont worry, just read read this. There is a new way of reading web sites, well it aint that new but its just now catching on in a big way. A Site Feed is a special part of a website that can be read by special programs or websites to give you, the reader, a condensed list of whats new on that site. That in itself is pretty boring, the cool part is the program or website that you use to read these Feeds. They are called urlLink Aggregators which is a really ugly word for 'a place to organize Site Feeds for viewing'. Aggregators There are many of these Aggregators to choose from but the decision has been made real simple since last years(2003) introduction of urlLink Bloglines.com . You may have noticed the ' urlLink Subscription Stuff' on the left side of this site. Well that little box 'subBloglines' is Simple Tech's site feed, but its better because rather than having to worry about how to set up a Site Feed you just click on that button. Before you click there let me tell you whats going to happen. You will be taken to the BlogLines website and given the chance to Log In or Register a new account. If you are reading this article that means you probably have to Register a new account. Once you do that Bloglines will set you up with a Site Feed to Simply Tech. You can then search for other sites to get feeds from or choose from a multitude of lists that Bloglines recommends. Just about every website has or is implementing this feature. Even the urlLink New York Times has finally gotten onto the bandwagon. Click on the subBloglines button, or just urlLink click here . Dont forget to subscribe to the rest of the DS Network: urlLink DesertStandard - Views and Info on Online Business urlLink Eating for Joy - Simple recipies that you will enjoy making urlLink Bloglines Style - Short random bits from my Bloglines readingrÑT(Cool Site: urlLink The Internet Movie Database (IMDb) - Just about every movie ever! Educational Sites: urlLink MrExcel.com - Really useful site for the the most useful program EVER - Excel urlLink MrExcel.com Forums - Got a question on how to do something in Excel? This is the placerÒT0Please take urlLink this article to heart. It is time for you to stop using Internet Explorer, the default web browser for your Windows machine. It is a major security risk. You will pretty much eliminate 80% of all Virus threats by switching to another urlLink browser . I personally use urlLink Firefox from the urlLink Mozilla group . urlLink Here is a great article on switching from Internet Explorer to Firefox. Don't be afraid. Click on one of the Above links, download the software, restart your machine, and don't look back. urlLinkrÓT÷One really difficult aspect of the Internet is how unorganized and spread out it is. If you want to really participate with the Internet you need to learn how to set bookmarks up. Process: Goto a website that you use frequently or would like to use Frequently. At the top of the Screen Click on the Tab Bookmarks and choose Add Bookmark. You will then be presented with a Dialogue Box (Window) that has the Title of the website and a couple of folders. You can click on the folders to place the Bookmark into one. You can also create your own folders by clicking on the New Folder button. Play with the Bookmark feature, especially with organizing your Bookmarks. You will find that your Internet usage will be more focused and useful.rÔT“Anyone who is using a PC with Windows on it, and this is the majority of you, needs to be going to the urlLink Windows Update site just about once a week. I cannot understate the necessity of doing this enough. Reasons: The main reason for doing this is to download any security patches that Microsoft has released. You do not need to know anything about what the patches do, just make sure that you get them. Process: Go to urlLink www.windowsupdate.com and let the site run its scan on your system. Just click on that link to get there. Once the scan is done you will be given a list of updates that your machine needs. You will want to choose all of the Critical Updates. There will also be a list of Recommended Updates which you can choose to download or not. If you are on a Dial Up connection be prepared to wait a while, especially if you have never done one of these updates.rÕT_ I worked for a recruiter a little bit after I graduated from University. It was a friend of my cousin's, whom I had moved in with to escape Colorado, and he really needed help with his website and internal network. So i jumped on board with what turned out to be one of the most bizarre and educational jobs I have ever had. The whole premise with a recruiter is that they can find an employee that is a better fit for your company than you can find. It is a huge industry to be in with loads of money being made by the recruiter. The problem I have with it is that it is a form of laziness on the employer's part. Not only does it mean you are too lazy to find the next superstar employee, but your reputation in the industry is not very good or else the superstars would be finding you. The same thing happens in the Advertising world with Ad Brokers. What happens is that a small time publication doesn't want to focus on the business aspects of actually making any money and instead just hires a Broker to take care of the ads for them. The Broker then skims some off the top and makes a nice bit of coin. The problem for the publisher is that you now have a 3rd party representing you and your publication for a critical aspect of your business: paying the bills! The problem for the advertiser is that they are dealing with someone that probably doesn't know much about your audience and therefore doesn't know much about the product that the ads will be for. Then comes the really fun part: billing models. In the print world this is not such a big deal, but online you have many different models: CPM, Flat, CPC, and CPA. As a publisher you want CPM or Flat as this assures that you get paid. As an advertiser you want (or should want) CPA as this assures that you are getting the business that you pay for. The problem when a broker is involved is that the publisher will give them CPM rates to follow and then some crazy math has to start up if a CPC deal is to be negotiated. To say the least it makes the situation very confusing. I personally do not like dealing with brokers because they are after one thing: making themselves as much money as possible. This does not help me as either an publisher or an advertiser in the long run. As a publisher I end up getting ads that don't match the content of my site and are sporadic. As an advertiser I get these Frankenstein deals and have to constantly watch my numbers to make sure I am getting something out of the deal. Bottom line: if you are going to be in the business where Ads are an important part of your revenue you need to handle it yourself. urlLink Read more!rÖTx I once had a job doing urlLink door to door sales of office supplies. It was full commission, I only got paid on the first purchase and it sucked. I did manage to learn a lot about business, myself, and the street system of greater Phoenix. One of the main things I learned from this was how inefficient it was. The company that I was selling for had guidelines about the size of office I could and could not sell to. So a lot of my time was spent figuring out that a business didn't qualify. This was my first lesson in advertising and marketing, well first among many, but it fits into this column well. I witnessed first hand how much more efficient it was to put together a targeted advertising campaign. With advertising you can print up a few thousand catalogs or flyers and send them to businesses that you want to sell to (this is why the yellow pages are there). The problem is that advertisers spend too much time thinking about selling their product, and not enough selling their product to someone. Example: I sell three panel 14 pt legal folders. As an advertiser I am thinking about how many of these I need to sell at such and such a price in order to make a profit. It is strictly numbers to me because I have never even met my buyers. I focus my ads on price and how great my price is. Problem with this is what all salespeople already know "People don't buy on price". You can have the cheapest folders in the world but if I don't know what I want them for then why would I buy them, even if they are the 'cheapest'. As a salesperson I am thinking inside of my buyers head, which is easier for me because I am already talking to them. I am thinking of the various places that need those types of folders, and when I do I realize that there aren't that many. I am going to focus primarily on lawyers offices, and mortgage and title companies. Then I am going to focus on a problem they all have: folders that tear at the seam. Now I have my audience and I have my bait. I put together an ad with the bait right up front and juicy and the I toss my line into the lake that wants that bait. Only problem now is I need a bigger insides sales office to handle all the calls, or I can get a website to handle it, but all that is for a different blog... This leads me into ' urlLink commodification ' and the travesty of a sinkhole that that mindset can put you into. urlLink Read more!r×T* Ahh what a great Tuesday! The new theme I am working on is brining Advertising and PR together. This is a challenge against the norm because these are seen as totally seperate worlds. The problem with that is the internet inherently brings these together. So my tale of surviving and thriving in the advertising world begins: Winners are not placed on the pedestal and their way is not the easy way. In advertising the winners are the ones who's efforts lead to sales or actions of some form. The trouble today is finding that road less travelled and taking advantage of it before everyone else sees where you have gone and quickly follows. One of the best ways to take the road less travelled, or even better create your own path, is by having a press release(PR). PR is a ribbon cutting, the first strike of the soil with the ceremonial shovel, the smashing of the bottle against the hull, and so on. The press release creates a one time eventness[sic] that sticks in people's minds. They witness the announcement of your new product and feel a sense of pride in knowing it just after you decided to tell the world about it. This is so much more effective than reading a three sentence banner with some cute graphics. As Maxine Clayton puts it in urlLink What Comes First: Ads or PR? : ...PR gives a product or brand credibility or engrains the brand's worth into the brains of consumers, while advertising further reinforces that credibility, Ries said. A company should put in the nail (PR), then take the hammer (advertising) to drive in the message. PR is so easy to: Just write up a few paragraphs about your new product, opening, announcement, etc and then tie it up with a blurb about the companies/organizations involved. Then find about twenty websites and publications to send the announcement to. Be sure to let the publications know that you are interested in advertising there as well and you are almost guaranteed a spot for your release. Going with the ads is optional but it doesn't hurt to have one near the release. This also helps get future releases covered with little hesitation on the editor's part. The most important thing is that you realize Advertising/PR/Marketing/Sales is all part of the business process and the more you can enjoy it the more successful you will be. urlLink Read more!rØT-"Change is the only constant" is one of the most overused and under practiced phrase in the English language. So I am using it as little as possible and trying to follow it as best I can. The latest example of this is the upgrading of urlLink DesertStandard.com to a new urlLink CMS system. urlLink Blogger is the urlLink weblog service that is owned and operated by Google, which comforts me that it will be around and running for sometime. The main reason for the upgrade is the amazing ease of use that Blogger gives me and the fact that it is compatible with urlLink Ecto . The main drawback is that I will have to manually update my posts, which is fine because the majority of my posts are inconsistent with any central theme. So now I am declaring a new central theme: urlLink online advertising . Not that there arent enough Advertising and Marketing sites out there, but it is my chosen profession and the more I write about it perhaps the better I will get. With the new system through Blogger expect more posts. urlLink Read more!rÙTK Finally a very straight forward urlLink article on how to handle Google. urlLink Wayne Hurlbert hits the nail on the head in the excellent article over at urlLink SEOchat.com . The topic is Google's Backlink and urlLink Pagerank 'Fever', as Wayne puts it, and how too many webmasters focus on these seemingly magical numbers. I have many friends, both at work and outside, who try to talk to me about how they have a Pagerank of such and such and that they are linked from sites that have a Pagerank of such and such. I smile and congratulate them on a job well done and then I ask them what their sites are about and what that has to do with being linked to a site that talks about something completely different. Time and time again I get this slightly befuddled look, almost like the message is getting through, and then blam they get right back into their fevered pitch. Reality is simple: Google doesn't want you focusing on metrics to get better rankings. If this was the case then they may as well adopt a Pay for Inclusion model and at least make a penny off of it. What they want to do is provide the User, remember him/her thats the person you are trying to sell to, with the best possible result for what they are looking for. Bear with me here as I am going to get real basic on it: Scenario 1) User X wants to find out about and maybe even by Product A. You sell Product B, which is close to Product A, but nevertheless is not Product A. You focus on Pagerank and Backlink till you are blue in the face and manage to get a great Google ranking, but for a keyword more related to Product B than A. Now you have a lot of visitors but none are buying because you are listed for something you do not offer. Scenario 2) User X is looking for Product B, which you happen to offer. You got a solid ranking for Product B by manipulating Pagerank and Backlink statistics. The problem is that you did not focus on making your site User Friendly and whenever they go to your site they get frustrated because they cannot find what they are looking for. If this happens often User X will stop using Google because all of its results are useless. Scenario 3) You spend hundreds of dollars, maybe more, to get a SEO 'expert' to get you a top position on Google. For a month or so you are sitting pretty. Then Google either changes its gameplan, they can do that because its their toy, or they decide that your site is abusing their toy. This results in your site dropping down the listings, or falling off the face of Google all together. Basically you just made some guy who knows very little about SEO a lot of money. Bottom line: Natural Search listings require time and patience as these are in a sense a barometer of the Internet. If your site is well built, has good content related to what you are trying to sell, and is usable by humans you will get listed in Google. If you are doing something outside of these parameters then you are trying to cheat Google, which you do at your own peril. Recommended Reading: Google - urlLink Google Tech Wikipedia - urlLink Pagerank urlLink Read more!rÚTExcellent post on urlLink Small Business Ideas Forum in regards to choosing and urlLink Affiliate Program by urlLink Jonathan Kraft . Jonathan brings up some fairly common sense points about not only doing business with an Online Affiliate company, but with just about any company out there. Keypoints: -Number One is find something that you have a passion for. -Number Two is to find a company that is honest and reputable. These seem so sensible but you would be surprised how few people actually take these points into account when starting up an affiliate program. I am constantly hearing from clients who decided to start selling hosting because it is "such a fast growing market", but they don't know anything about setting up websites. Or I hear about people trying a program, putting down their hard earned cash and POOF nothing happens. So they decide to urlLink Google the company afterwards and find out that there are a few hundred others out there who fell into the same trap. urlLink Read more!rÛTn Are you tired of keeping track of your bookmarks? Wish you could just save parts of what a website is talking about? How about organizing all of this into an urlLink RSS reader/ urlLink Blog /Search Engine/ urlLink Blogroll ? If you dont know what either of those last four items are I suggest clicking on them and getting some education. Otherwise read on... Just over a year ago a new website came on the weblog scene and ever since has completely changed the game. This is of course the now infamous urlLink Bloglines . Background Way back in July of 2003 urlLink Mark Fletcher , CEO of Bloglines, rolled out his take on capitalising on the RSS/webblog fever. While the service is still free to use we are getting hints that it will be turned into an advertising machine, and why not? What with email taking a continuous facedive and banner ads continuing to be non producers, the RSS platform is obviously the next frontier. I have been using Bloglines since the start of 2004 when urlLink Seth Godin mentioned it in his blog. I was instantly hooked on its ease of use and incredible power. I have over urlLink 100 site feeds organized by various folders. I can scan through ten sites postings for the last twelve hours in about ten minutes. All the while I am 'clipping' or, new feature, blogging various articles to my Bloglines account for later review or use. Email newsletters If a site doesnt offer RSS I can create a Blogines email address and then Bloglines parses the email just like an RSS feed. Forget handing my email address out to unknown sites that might sell it to a SPAMMER. Now I use Bloglines and if the address gets abused I can just cancel it in seconds. Blogroll You will notice a few sections of links on the right hand side of this page. 'the DS Network', 'SEO', and 'Marketing' are all sites that I am subscribed to in Bloglines. The three groupings are simply folders that I have organized the sites into. Bloglines then creates a bit of Javascript that I place in my HTML and BOOM instant blogrolls. If I add or remove and sites from the folders the blogroll is instantly updated the next time my site is refreshed. It will be interesting to see how they work out the advertising angle. Further reading: urlLink ClickZ - Review and background urlLink Setting up Advanced Blogroll urlLink Using Bloglines urlLink RSS urlLink Read more!rÜTKI know that there is a bit of oversaturation with this Blog term but as far as I am concerned its better than my 'home page'. Anyway pretty cool urlLink article about this SEO contest that was put on for the last few months. Pretty cool showing of what can be done with a well maintained blog. urlLink Read more!rÝU‚How many of these terms to you search for? urlLink Top 500 Search Engine Keywords Of The Week urlLink Read more!rÞTïSeth Godin hits all the urlLink right questions . What are you doing to distinquish yourself? "So, how do we tell the good from the bad? In a connected world where people don't have letterhead, don't wear suits (don't even own suits) work out of tiny rented office suites (or their living room) have a simple website and buy only Adwords, have an answering machine not a PBX, don't have a receptionist or a sculpture out front in that world, how do we tell?" urlLink Read more!rßT#Today marks a fairly significant day in the urlLink Blogosphere . One of the stalwarts of the culture, urlLink Movabletype/Six Apart , has adjusted its top position. Mena Trott, one of the co-founders, has stepped down from the CEO position of this highly ingenious and influential organization. The move is sure to ruffle the feathers of many MovableType verterans as a sign that the company is further 'selling out', but this is what business is about. I think that Mena puts it best herself on her weblog: "I'm a proud person, but not a foolish person. I'd rather be a part of a successful company that I co-founded and ran as CEO for a year than hold on to a title because of ego." urlLink Mena's Corner: Barak at Six Apart This goes to show just how remarkable a company Six Apart truly is and should give an indicator of where they are going. Besides the MovableType CMS Software Six Apart also manages the urlLink Typad.com service which allows total newbies to set up their own webogs in a matter of minutes. urlLink Read more!ràTæIn the daytime I am an Advertising Buyer for a Dot Com company. All of my buying is for online Ads on various websites. I am constantly taken aback when I keep hitting these sites that want to maintain this as a traditional advertising medium. By charging urlLink CPM and Flat Fee rates they are simply making themselves into Television on the Internet. As a buyer and a person I am turned away by these acts of irrationality and Greed. Flat Fee's and CPM are a hold out from traditional Advertising where it is very difficult to track how many people are viewing an Ad and how many are then acting on that to make a purchase. Due to this uncertainty Publishers will charge a flat rate to their Advertiser and justify their rates with things like circulation numbers. The same thing happens on the Internet. Publishers are able to see how many users are viewing their site each month and based on that charge accordingly. This is a lazy approach to business and offers almost no advantage over using traditional methods of advertising. The very architecture of the Internet is TCP/IP which gives us unprecedented measuring techniques. Instead of guessing how many people are going to view an Ad we can actually tell how many not only looked at it but that it captured their attention enough to click on it. The next leap is tracking which of those clicks actually made a purchase and we can therefore get an exact ROI of our Advertising efforts. The argument against this is that by just viewing the Ad users are getting a branding experience much like with Television and Print Advertising. This view is valid but with the recent rise in PVR's studies are showing that consumers are not interested in being Branded. At my Offices we rarely consider Flat Fee or CPM deals because we are very urlLink ROI focused. Many companies still dismiss focusing on ROI for some strange reason, mostly laziness. This was also the trend about four years ago when everyone was Dot Com Crazy. urlLink Read more!ráUÈGreat article over at Simply Tech on how to use urlLink Bloglines : "You will never surf the web the same again..." Don't forget to urlLink subscribe to the DS . urlLink Read more!râUoSeth Godin has a urlLink few choice words for the urlLink SEO profession. urlLink Read more!rãU·Very interesting site that uses Google to find stuff that people dont want you to find. urlLink johnny.ihackstuff.com :: I'm j0hnny. I hack stuff. urlLink Read more!räU¥Umm, from the Public Library, where a lot of them spend their days. urlLink Homeless Web Surfing? - Lockergnome's Tech News Watch urlLink Read more!råUÒWhat the author misses here is that Sales is not a Profession, it is an aspect of life. Still a good article. urlLink An Incredibly Condensed History of Persuasion and Sales urlLink Read more!ræT=I present to you the urlLink GLPAT or Google Link Popularity Analysis Tool at RustyBrick With this tool you can check out who is linking to you and how those site then rank within Google's PageRank system. You will need to get an urlLink API code from Google in order to use it. urlLink Read more!rçTÙClickZ's Jason Burby writes about Key Performance Indicators(KPI's) in the first of a four part series: urlLink Build a Solid Foundation With Key Performance Indicators, Part 1: Lead-Generation Sites Really great stuff to focus on when creating a website for generating leads for your product. Mostly basics that you should always have in mind but a great reminder and well crafted article highlighting exactly what you need to look at. urlLink Read more!rèTcWe have a new addition to the DS Network today: urlLink Simply Tech . This site will be oriented towards the everyday use of PC's, Mac's, the Internet, and other various technologies. This will be a great addition to our team so bookmark it and check often. urlLink Simply Tech - http://simplytech.blogspot.com urlLink Read more!réT{Just got this from a buddies dad: I just read an article stating that the American Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 6th Tour de France title. In a random check for banned substances, 3 substances were found in Lance Armstrong's hotel that are banned by the French: Toothpaste, deodorant, and soap... Ohh now thats funny. urlLink Read more!rêUEurlLink Seth's Blog: Starting Over urlLink Read more!rëT¬urlLink Business Opportunities Weblog | Benjamin Franklin and the 12 Rules Of Management : Finish better than your beginnings All education is self-education Seek first to manage yourself, then to manage others Influence is more important than victory Work hard and watch your costs Everybody wants to appear reasonable Create your own set of values to guide your actions Incentive is everything! Create solutions for seemingly impossible problems Become a revolutionary for experimentation and change Sometimes it's better to do 1,001 small things right than only one large thing right Deliberately cultivate your reputation and legacy! urlLink Read more!rìUÎ"Now here's a headline: Monster, the online job service, says that 61 percent of Americans consider themselves overworked and 86 percent aren't satisfied with their job. " urlLink Read more!ríTRExcellent urlLink piece on the erosion of trust that is leading to Blogs as a primary source of information. "The popularity of blogging is due, in part, to a public distrust of the news media. A democracy like we have in the U.S. can't function properly if its citizens do not have the most accurate information they can get. If the right information doesn't find its way to the average citizen, the natural evolution of things moves us toward new media and mechanisms that can bring about accuracy, completeness of information, and most of all, trust. " urlLink Read more!rîTZThe big urlLink buzz this week is that Microsoft has unleashed its new Search Engine program. Too bad that Search is already conquered. What we are looking for is urlLink Information Aggregation . "MSN Newsbot, however, also remembers what you read (using browser cookies to track use instead of requiring you to sign in to Microsoft's Passport service) and presents stories it thinks might interest you in a special box. Moreover, it shows what other stories earlier readers of a news item clicked through to. " Bloglines will rule the world. You heard it here. urlLink Read more!rïTÆVery urlLink interesting article on the future of Information Valuation and how the Internet market will change in times to come. "To realize the productivity potential of information technologies will require information valuation. By historical analogy, it is as if we are in the middle of the industrial revolution and we don't know the cost and price of steel. Today we sit in the midst of the information revolution and still don't know the value of the most fundamental resource that drives our global economy: information. The benefits of the information revolution won't be realized until bottom-up, market-based valuation of daily information exchanges emerges." urlLink Read more!rðTGOk here we go. The first actual thing on the site. 1. Introduction Sometime during your web designing days you will encounter this very new, mysterious protocol FTP. Do not be afraid of it. It will soon become your friend and is actually really easy. FTP is meant for transferring files to a server on the internet. It has a command line back-bone but there are several program out there that put a GUI on the FTP commends. Windows comes with a FTP client build right in to Explorer but it's very basic and all you can do is upload files. In this tutorial we're going to be using SmartFTP. SmartFTP is free for personal use and is available at smartftp.com 2. Logging In First you need to know the address of your server. Most of the time it is ftp.domainname.com on port 21. You can consult your host or ISP to find out this information. You will also need a username and password. Now that you know you FTP server address we can load it up. Enter your server, username, password, and port number in the appropriate fields and press enter. Your FTP client will now connect to the server. This can take some time depending on your connection. Once connected assuming you didn't have any errors you should be at either a blank screen or a screen with folders. 3. Oh No, Folders! Yes that's right. Most likely your lucky and you got some folders on your screen. If you do, good for you. You have a smart ISP. If you don't, don't worry about it. Just skip to the next step. There are two different types of folder structures here. There will be other folders but you can ignore them for now. Were not going to deal with them today. You should either have a public_html or www folder. Anything in these folders will be able to be accessed via your URL. The folders under it will not be seen by your web viewers so make sure everything you want displayed is in one of those folders. The only other folder here that will display files publicly is the cgi-bin folder, but again we'll save that for another day. 4. Two Different Ways to Upload First, let me explain there are two different ways to upload a file to a FTP server. SmartFTP automatically figures this out for you but it's good to know anyway. The two types are binary and ASCII. What a binary upload does is upload the digital 1 and 0's. This type of upload is meant for images. The other type, ASCII, uploads the text associated with the file. This should be the way you upload everything. Now that you know what method to use let's actually upload something. 5. The Upload! Browse to your files that you want to upload and select them. Now drag them over to your FTP windows and let go. The files will now upload. That was easy wasn't it. Wait till you get to the next step. Just kidding. 6. Permissions Yes that's right you now need to decided who can access that file. By default everyone can read it but no one can edit it. For certain purposes you may have to set a different permission so we'll get it to that. The process that changes the permission is called CH-MOD, short for change moderations. That's something good to know since most script tutorials use that term. Now each permission is given a three digit number. Each number in those digits stands for a permission. We won't get into that so I don't confuse you. Now lucky for you SmartFTP has a GUI on the CH-MOD. Simply right click the file and click CH-MOD. You're now presented with a properties window. On the bottom is the CH-MOD stuff. If you know the number you can just enter it in. If not then you must now learn what each "mod" does. You have three groups. Owner, group and public. Public is of course the whole Internet. You don't want to put to much access of the public group since anybody can do anything. The group is basically and server that is non-public. Again you don't want to much on this. Finally there is the owner group. The owner group is anything accessing from your server. You can do what ever you want with this since no one will be able to do anything except your server. Now you know the three groups time to learn the three types of permissions. There are read, write, and execute. The read value is of course reading the files and the write is writing the file. Now the execute is something different. That's meant for scripts were something on your server or elsewhere must compile the code. most likely you won't have to do that. I bet your tired after that one. Well we're almost done. 7. Accessing Your Files Remember the whole public_html and www thing. Well that plays a big part here. If you have one of those folders forget about it when accessing your file. You simply type your domain name then a slash and whatever folder or file you have after it. Now if you don't have any on those special folders all you have to do is type your domain the the file. It's that easy. 8. Were Done Yes that's right. Were finally done. You now just about everything there is to FTP. It's really simply when you think about it. Once you learn folders and permissions all you're really doing is dragging and dropping files. I hope this made a lot of sense and feel free to leave any comments or questions, you FTPer.rñTI'm not sure what direction this site is heading but I know it's going somewhere good. For now it's just a website about the Allentown webdesigners. I'm hoping down the road we could get some nice informative stuff up like how to do flash. So your probably wondering how can you help get this site started. Here a handy-dandy list: Join the Webring Comment on Stuff Submit a Tutorial Tell Your Friends Visit the Site Move to Allentown (No wait, don't do that. You'll regret it.) Um, yeah. That's about it. If you have any ideas about the site just let me know. Right now it's a blog but soon to be much, much more. Sit back and enjoy the ride.ròT'Many apologies for the lack of posts. We've been well busy, you know how it is. With what we have planned this site will vastly expand over this summer. Be looking forward to an HTML guide and also check out our urlLink Forum , if you need help or if you want to chat with other web designers.róURThis site will get going more in the summer. All of us are currently doing finals.rôU~When people ask me where they can find information on copier assisted suicides and things that are yellow, I direct them hererõU—I thought I was gonna get some Doritos, but I got a doughnut instead. A Bismark to be exact. Where do they come up with names for doughnuts? Insane.röU>Still no Doritos. So far, this is a really slow blogging day.r÷UNI wish I had a bag of Doritos. That's it as far as deep thoughts go right now.røU=Yay! It's working! I'm a blog genius! Crud, that's not good.rùUgOkay, I can't get it to work. It says my blog is under construction, and to come back later. Poppycock.rúTIHow do you start a blog? Really. Do you just start typing, and dive into deep meaningful thoughts and blog-ri-la (If you don't know what this is a reference to, look it up.)? Or do you start with short blogs until people get used to you? There's nobody reading this blog yet, and most likely no one ever will, so I'm gonna try a new tactic, the "Question How You Should Start a Blog" blog starter. You just watch, this new approach will be the biggest thing since Pet Rocks. I'm ashamed to even know about those awful little things. That's it for this blog entry. More later. Or not.rûUµWho am I kidding? This countdown is getting boring. 2 days 'til the nightmare that is a piano recital, and 6 days until the most sick movie ever (along with the other two movies).rüU:4 days 'til pain, 8 days 'til one of the best movies ever.rýTBThanks to my tracker, I've discovered that this blog has gotten it's first visitor! The person then proceded to click out of the browser, unplug his/her computer, throw his/her computer on the ground, stomp it into oblivion, and then took several showers. This information was also provided by my tracker. Scary huh? :)rþU–It's down to 5 days until pain, and 9 days until bliss. That sums it up. And please keep your fingers crossed that I don't pass out during the pain.rÿU7Now it's back to normal. *grr* I wonder what's wrong.rUWell, there's some sort of problem with the font. It's different than before. And I consider that a problem. Plus, I don't like the new font.rTÊCountdown to Movie-Going Bliss Okay, so to counteract the "Countdown to Excruciation" I'm also going to have "Countdown to Movie-Going Bliss." As many may already know, (meaning the two of you that are reading) I'm talking about The Matrix Reloaded. I was hoping to go in a black leather trenchcoat. That fell through. Mainly because of the whole money issue. Chhh. This movie is gonna be so sweet. Anyway, there are 10 days until movie-going bliss.rTûCountdown to Excruciation Okay, so it turns out I'm gonna be drugged (I like that word it's like a combo of being dragged, being drugged into submission, and bad English!) to my sister's piano recital! It's on Mother's Day, which is even worse, not because I was going to do anything fun, but because Mother's Day always lands on a Sunday for some reason. So there goes my Sunday, utterly wasted. Since Mother's Day is on the 11th this month, so there are 6 days until complete and total excruciation.rU6Tomorrow! (Repeat three times.) The Matrix Reloaded.rUõOkay, not much going on. Got some new readers from rootblog.com . They haven't returned, and for good reason. I think a good catch phrase would be "No one comes twice!" seeing as no one seems to. Only three days until The Matrix Reloaded .rUîIt wasn't so bad (The Pain). If you don't consider sitting for 45 minutes in a hard, wooden pew while 5 year olds mame and torture their songs beyond recognition bad. Other than that, it wasn't bad. The lemonade afterward was okay too.rTûSweet! Going to Matrix2 tomorrow with a good friend of mine who's name will be "Brett" since it's not a good idea to give people's real names out on the 'Net. It should be really good. I'm also thinking about getting the new Enter the Matrix game . Looks really good. They say it's going to re-invent gaming. I'm skeptical. Ooh commercial for it! Looks pretty good. The whole Atari thing is kinda a throw off, since they're kinda an old game publishing company. Oh well, I'll find out eventually.rU1It's about stinkin' time for a bovine uprising .rU7How did bosses ever fire people before text messages ?r U8No need to worry about this family line going extinct.r TA long time since I last blogged. Didn't see The Matrix2 on opening day. Something came up. I also tried Saturday night. It was sold out a ways into the night. Like two showings or something. Well, I'm going to try Thursday night. Hopefully it's not selling out a week after the release date. ------- So, a couple of movies were rented last night, which I watched. One was The Truth About Char lie and the other was Catch Me If You Can. Catch me if you can was pretty good, little long, but you know, pretty good anyway. ------- music.msn.com is down. So you know, don't go there, it won't do ya any good. ------- Found some cool Matrix-esque flash animations. But do not go to them. People with weak stomachs, do not click here . ------- That's about it. Out.r TÎI've been looking at other people's blogs to see what they blog about because I was curious. Really. I was thinking I was doing it wrong or something. Still haven't found out. Though I have formulated a theory. People make stuff up. I really think so. They just make up stories and say they really happened. I could be wrong and probably am and there's no way to prove it, I know, but too many of them seem too perfect or too unrealistic. Updates later.r UE"Throwing a ball at someone's head really testes their reflexes."r TúWell, today was something else. I helped a couple of other guys move a horrendously (I probably spelled that wrong, oh well) huge copier. And I'm talking about those wussy copiers that they have at Kinkos, I'm talking a gigantically large copier. Somwhere around 600 lbs. This is where it get's interesting...First, somebody forgot the ramp to wheel the copier onto the trailer. Impossible? Not on your life. These guys jack up the front of the trailer so the back of the trailer is almost touching the ground. Then they use levers and such and tons of pushing to get it onto the trailer. So, we're en route and then the copier breaks through one of the floorboards (I told you it was heavy), fortunately not all the way through. So we get it back to my house and then we have some trouble getting off the trailer, but it works eventually, and we get it inside, and to butt-copying nirvana. Haha, you just read a post about moving a copier!!! Grr, I just wrote a post about moving a copier. I guess you win.rUxYep, we're all living in The Matrix, where "The New Twinkie Defense" runs rampant. Really, this is just plain stupid.rT>So, I decided to "edit my blog" which means I'm gonna add a post. "Edit your blog," who comes up with this stuff? ------- The Matrix 2 was too cool. You have to go see it. If you have no money, sell your dog (or cat) to go see it. I'm sure someone will pay $10 for some dog. Or maybe you could find a stray... Anyway, it was really awesome. "The Smiths" scene was beyond belief. It was like ten minutes long. And just beautifully choreographed. Just really beyond words (other than the ones I used). So, go sell your mangy mutt. Or do something. Just go see it!rTMOkay, so it's been a couple weeks. Let me give you the Cliff's Note of the life of Scott (that's my name). I'm taking golf lessons. Lots of fun. The instructor is something else. Really. He's pretty good though. My grandpa is coming out from Washington State. And I'm going camping over 4th of July weekend. That's it. LaterrTKI'm gonna take the rest of the weekend off. I have to get ready for a bunch of friends coming over tomorrow. Since I don't like cleaning, which is what I have to do, when I was making french fries for my self someone thought I might cut my finger off to get out of the work. Well, I didn't do that. It's a good thing too since I need my fingers. So I changed the awful colors of my blogskin. It was just bad. It made me sick. Made me want to cut some fingers off, lol. And I put some links, which I'm gonna keep adding to get my blogshare price to go up. That's it creeps, out.rU;How come urlLink this didn't make news when it started ?rUØI think I gonna go to bed, it's late. Chipper has given me nothing to blog about. The stupid beanie just sits there and looks like a stupid squirrel. I'm gonna watch urlLink xplay . And then going to bed. Later.rT?Okay I think that I can't use titles because my blog skin isn't supported anymore. So I have to change my blog skin. This is gonna take a while. Uh, I'm thinking about launching another blog with a friend of mine. I don't know if it will work out. It should be interesting if it does. Man, I wish my life was more interesting so I had something to blog about. I need to shut up now. You know something wierd? I use the spell check on this blog thing. That's not the wierd part. When you use it, it shows the word "blog" as incorrect. Heh, somebody messed that up.rUlavalamps are good it is bad when they explode oh, glass in my face Thank you everyone!! I'm here until they can actually afford someone!!rU¼Well, Haloscan, who does my comments, is down or something. Don't know. You're all heartbroken I'm sure. And I don't know what the deal with blogshares is. Up next: My Wonderful Haiku.rUcSo now I am attempting to claim my blog at urlLink blogshares.com . Uh, that's it. Stop reading.rUI...am...a...dunce.rTWell, I think I just made a bad mistake. Or it might turn out okay. I just change this blog's URL from manuforti.blogspot.com to manu-forti.blogspot.com. I have no idea what this means. It could mean that my blog will show up twice in the most recently published blog and it might not don't know. And it probably messes up the search engines too. I wish there was something funny to say. I think that's it.rT0The inspiration for all the posts this week is Chipper "beanie babie" Squirell (it was a gift). I think I'm going to have a new mascot every week. Should keep things interesting. Until I have to use Phill the Bathroom Stool (and I'm talking about the stool you put your feet on, not step in you perv).rUI think it's a blogger problem.rUUIt seems that I can type anything I want in the title field since it doesn't show up.rUDon't read this post.rUrMy titles don't seem to be coming through. That's odd. But the comments work, which is good, now for those titles.rT So I'm testing comments. I'd like to say people are asking for a comments page--they aren't. In fact, people aren't asking for anything, at all. I'm doing this because I'm bored and it might be interesting if anyone makes a comment. It will, no doubt, have to be censored. Here goes.r TIOkay, I don't want this to be like some ESPNews recap blog, but I'm gonna take a minute to say last night's game rocked!! So now I have a bunch of people hating me because I like the Broncos. There are actually people like this. It's Team-ist. Dirty Teamists. That word looks like Tea Mist, which I gotta say, is intriguing.r!UgI think it's immpossible to see your own blog in the "10 most recently published blogs." Just an idea.r"T®I've been messing around with the "Jedi Academy" demo. I had a point to this story, but it eludes me now. The demo's really cool (it should be for a 180 MB download that took a whole hour), but it only gives me two levels. I wish I wasn't so cheap as to just go buy it. I probably wouldn't be so cheap if I had any money right now. Though I think "cheap" sounds better than "broke." So now I am going to test out the URL field so if it comes out wierd and there's a random link somewhere on the page, it's probably going to be the link to the Jedi Academy website which everyone should look at even if you aren't a Star Wars fan, because it's in top ten best games ever. Booyah.r#T™I can't figure out how to use the drafting tool. I lost a wonderful post on the Seahawks. They were losing at the time. I explained how there's only two TVs in my house. All for shame. I have no idea what the last sentence means. Well, the Seahawks won by 1 point. 3-0 baby. Monday night football with the Broncos is what I'm looking forward to. Go Broncos! So, I've been spending most of the day sanding doors for a job remodeling job my dad is doing. Hand-sanding. Tedium. Arthritis. Serious abdominal pains. I'm guessing it pays well. Maybe not. Later folks. And send your friends here!! Blatent self-promotion. The things I do for more hits.r$TÒSo what. I took a hiatus for summer vacation. It's not like anyone's reading. The last viewer was someone using the keywords "nothing+better+to+do." Really that person...had...nothing better to do... So nothing happened over the summer. I sniffed enough perfume to shut down my nose for a few days. I hate perfume. I went to the arcade. I played golf. I played playstation, more playstation. A couple of friends moved here (here being where I live, and you don't need to know where that is unless you are stalking me, and if you are drop me a line so I can tell you not to stalk me anymore). I got my Driver's license. That's it I guess I'll blog later about stuff that comes up. Though nothing ever seems to.r%TOWouldn't it be weird if you were standing on the Sun? ........ Okay, my point now, if you weren't burning up and stuff, think were your shadow would be.....right above you! This is a strange concept to me, tons of science geeks will now email me with how this impossible. Grr. I'm going to go get ready to watch Survivor. Go Rupert.r&TOkay, one of my good fiends, Burst, has a brother, Burly, just bought himself a sweet 1992 Ford Cummins diesel, five speed, with a splitter. If this wasn't a cool enough, it has a power inverter to plug household items into, powering off of the truck batteries, a touch screen radio/CD player. Ooh, so cool, but this is what caps it off: a sweet folding 13.3 inch LCD TV/monitor. It also has jack to hook up a game console, which is exactly what they are gonna do. And I'm going on a road trip with them this spring!!! XBOX sweetness....r'T7Well, I feel really stupid and dorky. I have a stupid Tech TV show on about all the awful huge organizations and secret societies that rule the world with their fiendishness. I like the sound of "illuminatti" though, and I'm curious what it is, I remember something about it in the original Tomb Raider movie.r(TÚI'm finally getting around to writing about the weekend. This is because I'm finally getting over it and memories are coming back. Well, a few of my friends were here and so one of them saw a lightsaber prop I had made a while back and since it looks somewhat real, and he didn't know that they couldn't exist he asked how to turn it on. I told him to point it at his face and mess with the buttons. He was all like "really?" I about busted my gut laughing. Anyway this probably isn't that funny to everyone else, but it was too me. I went and stayed the night at another friends house and played video games a lot. Which was fun then I went over to Jaq's house (the lightsaber guy) and helped him with his new computer. And let's see, I had to drive to the library to turn in some books and stuff yesterday. Wow, nothing happens in my life. Hey, if you are a member of blogshares.com, go buy some stock in urlLink my blog (this blog you're reading). It's a good blog right?r)U>electric nachos they are very good to eat why do my lips hurt?r*TÉEver had electric nachos? Me either. But apparently, someone was stupid to name Jennifer Garner's character's name. I just saw Daredevil. Electric nachos. Yum. So I'm still trying to get my computer savvy friends to get on blogger. It should be soon, they a little uncooperative though. I'm still laughing at the computer savvy comment. One of them is, the other two or three aren't. They know how to get around and stuff, and they can spell, so the should be fine on blogger. I think I'll keep this blog after "Captain Pinkbeard's less incredible sidekicks" launches. It might be a couple of weeks before that happens. And all the requests for this blog is really sad. Not one positive comment. Wow.r+UÌWell, I can't skateboard since my shoes have silicone on them and it hasn't dried yet I don't know if it will. 24 is on tonight!! And The OC is on tomorrow night!! Yay! Okay, nothing else is going on.r,TOkay, so I've been gone, well my internet went out. Out cold. Must have spent a day all together trying to fix it. It finally starts working under more than questionable circumstances. Anyway, it's working now so I can write. Well I got a new video game and I've been playing that too. Nothing's been going on at all. School, school, school, that's all that seems to happen. No one is buying stock in my blog. Someone would have to read it before that happens, so it may be a couple of years. Oh well. I was thinking, and I know how profound this is, that Donald Duck has the last name "Duck." I know what you're thinking "Well, duh!" That's not my point. Though it would have been a good one. Anyway, Donald's uncle, Scrooge McDuck, has the last name "McDuck." Another good point there, but that's not the point I'm getting to. Why is Donald's uncle's last name have the extra "Mc?" I don't know. If McDuck is an uncle on Donald's dad's side it wouldn't work, and if it's on Donald's mom's side what are the odd of her having the last name "McDuck" and marrying a dude (Donald's dad) with the last name duck?!?!? This thought process scares me. Later creeps.r-T¤Oh so much has happened. Things got so busy which is quite weird for me. My shoes never dried so I had to scrape the silicone off and redo it with some other stuff. I started tutoring a little girl. So I tutor her on Thursdays. It's somewhat interesting. I've been playing The Sims a lot. Everyone now knows why things got so hectic. It has taken away hours of my life that I will never get back. Ever. Later.r.T;I'm back dedicated readers! This won't be a long post, but there will be more to come. Apparently, there's is one very dedicated person who keeps coming back every few days and then there's nothing here! Well, I have nothing better to do but write on this which shows that if I have time to write on this that I have nothing else going on so this is gonna be boring! Let go for the ride. I'll be back to catch everyone (the one person who reads this--you know who you are 64.210.196.197!) up on what's been happening. A fair bit actually has. You notice how at the top of your blog blogger will put ads that reflect what you are writing? Well, they have Donald Duck ads right now! I gotta change that so: Audioslave Audioslave Audioslave Audioslave Audioslave Audioslave Audioslave. There that should do it. Laters.r/UðI'm currently reading The Art of the Deal by Donald J. Trump. It is quite good and I highly recommend it. Of course now that I've recommended it its sale will immediately drop. Trump know how to write an interesting book that's for sure.r0U9Goodnight to all, and to all a goodnight. How redundant.r1Td Well, I'm going to start where I left off back in November. I don't remember anything from November. I do remember some in December. The Broncos were ousted from the playoffs. I believe that was December, if not, it was early January. At the time I was in the booneys and didn't find out until the next morning, which, may I say, sucked. I then watched the rest of the playoffs, somewhat less enthused. And then the Patriots won!! AGHH! Anyway in the middle of January There was a party and I played Madden and won once and then lost badly. Towards the end of February there was another party. At this one of my friends got piss drunk. Seriously lit. So later his parents find out and they aren't happy and then everybody's parents find out and now no more parties. So the night that he (Jaq) got drunk, as I later find out, was the night that a senior was going to ask me to prom. Woah. As a guy and a soph, I found this highly odd. And I know you're probably thinking well she must not be that hot. Well you're wrong if you were thinking that. She's pretty hot. Though I probably wouldn't date her after going to prom with her. Well the next night, she calls. I'm dozing on the couch. All the sudden my dad tells me there's a girl on the phone. So I'm still in la-la land and then she just right out of the blue says "you wanna go to prom with me?" Ayaiyai! I must have not said anything for 15 seconds though it seemed longer and just stammered. I was dumbfounded. I said yes of course. And then called her cousin(whose name will be Parmesan) who was going to go get his tux the next day. So I go with him to get my tux too. My date to prom and her sister come with us so we don't make any horrible choices, we do anyway, but it was fun to have them along. So while we're there my date's sister is helping choose a tux. At this point and every point I'm having more fun with her. So Parmesan and I get horrible tuxes that have tails and such. I dared him to pick that tux and told him I would wear one if he said no then later picked it. GRR. So right after the prom, parma and I realize that we got our dates the same corsage. That was bad. Anyway at prom nothing much happened. I didn't hang out with my date much. I think she just needed someone tall enough to do the grand march with (I'm 6'4"). So I danced with other girls from a school I don't go to. It was a blast though. They played "Numb" and there was a mosh! Moshes are fun. I went golfing the next day. Okay, we got a new puppy a week ago... And my sisters piano recital is coming up again. The fun never stops. More to come. Out, creeps.r2TžWalmart hates you. If you're a skateboarder. I was toolin around on my board on my way to Wal mart. So I get there to pick a few things up and this lady that stands by the door to hand out carts and puts those little Wal-mart happy-face stickers on little kids tells me that I have to leave my skateboard with her while I shop. Hah. My immediate thought is she must be in a drug-induced stupor. So I'm like "I have to leave my board with you?" She's says "Yes, it's Wal*mart policy. I keep all of the boards here." "I want a receipt." I say. She suddenly gets mad and says "I've been keeping you kids' damn skateboards here for years." This I believe, that's why I asked for a receipt. It's like she never met a skateboarder smart enough to ask for a receipt before. I mean, how am I supposed to know if she doesn't have some sort of racquet where she steals skateboards and gives them away or sells them? So she immediately turns around and starts putting way too many walmart stickers on these little toddlers. I stand there for about two minutes in disbelief. So she writes me a receipt. I go get my stuff and to my amazement it's still there when I get back. Anyway I'm just a little steamed about this. The moral is: Wal Mart hates you if you ever take a skateboard in there. You're a second class citizen if you skateboard. So, either this lady is lying through her teeth or WalMart hates skateboarders. Grrr.r3UþSo yesterday I went clothes shopping. Got some DC and some jeans and stuff. Then after I was done shopping, I went to the skatepark with Jaq and his friend, Brown. It was really too crowded to do anything fun. That's my life, I'm gonna go skateboard.r4T.Our new puppy is stupid. I'd give you some examples, but I'd probably have PETA on my butt in no time. If they read this blog. Oh well, I'll give some anyway. She's a collie so, it isn't entirely her fault, but she tries to herd the bigger dogs (two of them). Well needless to say, the big dogs don't like this. Why'd I say that?? I don't know, I just said it was needless. I'm soo stupid. Then other times she'll jump off this step with grass under it and she'll land on her head and do a flip. No coordination at all. Our other dogs when they were puppies weren't like this at all. I don't know what I'm talking about. We had the weirdest pizza last night. It had huge crust. The pizza was half crust. And with the cheese and sauce, it looked like a very large, infected boil. Yeah.... Whatnot.r5U?Okay 10.5 totally sucked so I'm not watching it any more. Out.r6TbI'm listening to Dare You to Move by Switchfoot. I get the weirdest (well probably not the weirdest, but weird) deja vu when I hear this song. It's downright scary. I really think I heard it or a song like it a few years ago. Maybe it played while I fell asleep or something and so now I think I've heard it a long time ago. Good song though. I've been doing the urlLink blogshares thing lately. It's going pretty well. I bought some shares in urlLink The Pool House and then someone came and bought the rest of the stock which made me a lot of money. My net worth, with all my other stock, is about B$ 8,000. I'm pleased since I haven't really done anything. I wish I had $8,000 in real money that would be sweet. I'm off to watch 10.5. ----------------------------------- A pen becomes a clarion. -Longfellow What's a clarion???r7TpWell, I'm certainly weirded out. Apparently someone likes my blog enough that they wanna drink it. Why you'd want to drink moose drool is beyond me... But you can go to Alaska and find a moose...whatever. Of course it might be one of my friends messing with me... I don't think so though. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, check the comment on my last post. Yeah... Moosen Drool... What else?? Well, I'm going to my friends graduation in a week, that'll be fun. I think I'm seriously messing up my blog on blogshares.com. It's way too overpriced so no one will touch it...not like anyone would before...r8ULthe bunnies and frogs one of them hip hops, one croaks poor little dead frogr9TçI play the piano while I skateboard...got ya. I'm learning all the notes and stuff on the piano so I'll know what they sound like when I start guitar. The only problem is trying to get a guitar. Once I have that figured out it will be smooth sailing. Skateboardings been a lot of fun since I've gotten my new shoes. I think the shoes are going to cost someone a lot of money since I've torn up that board more in a week than in six months before the shoes. That's it. Go skateboard.r:T…I just wanted to give a heads up to my peeps out there that like games. Check out urlLink Scorched Earth 3D . Very cool freeware game worth paying for (I wouldn't, but that's because I'm rather against spending money unless you have some which I don't). And at only 19 mb it's mind-blowingly cool. You have a position on a map and you have a stationary tank. Tank choices range from a ATST walker from Star Wars to Kenny from South Park with a gun. You then adjust your trajectory and power and try to shoot other tanks. You get money for winning, and you can buy better weapons and such. Very cool, go check it out. Scotty McHotty-out.r;TªI watched House of Sand and Fog last night. It's the kind of movie you wish you would have seen in theatres--until you see it. Actually, I jest. I liked it. I think they could have done a better job on one point though. They didn't make you feel bad for Jennifer Connelly enough. I just saw her as an irresponsible loser who should have taken care of things better. And I just saw Ben Kingsley's side of the story almost throughout the movie. So here's the basic high-points. SPOILERS! Jennifer Connelly is evicted from her house. One of the Shah of Iran's Colonels has escaped Iran (this movie takes place sometime in the 80s) and is living in a San Fran hotel Penthouse. He has some money in savings. He works two jobs--one on a road construction crew the other the graveyard shift at a gas station. How he can afford this isn't explained. Maybe credit cards or something. He goes and buys Jennifer Connelly's foreclosed house. He moves in. Jennifer Connelly gets upset, goes there a couple of times, causes some trouble. She eventually gets so upset she decides to commit suicide in her old driveway. She can't because there's no bullets. She gets taken in the house by the people that bought her house and then takes a bottle of pills, then vomits them up. Yikes. So then Ben Kingsley's son gets shot when Jennifer Connelly's Boyfriend takes Ben Kingsley and his son hostage so he will give the house back. So Ben Kingsley is so upset that he can't tell his wife so he decides it's easier to just kill her with poisoned tea. So he does that. Puts her on the bed then gets dressed in his uniform and tapes a bag over his head. He dies too. So Jennifer Connelly goes back to the house and finds them. The last scene is her being asked if it was her house by a police officer. She says "No." I didn't explain why I liked movies like this. The reason is that they make me realize how good my life is. My life is really, really good.r<TnI've decided that I don't spend enough time in thoughtful contemplation anymore. Where's my brevity--the soul of wit?? My wit is souless, it just keeps going it's not brief. It's long. Really, really long. Whatever happened to Chipper the Squirrel and the handy bathroom foot stool? Who watched the Survivor finale? Show of hands. You--in Seattle--you don't count pending the restraining order. I don't know what to say about the finale. I still think Rupert should have won--and hopefully he'll get the second million. Well, yesterday was quite fun. My sister's piano recital was yesterday. That wasn't the fun part. Honestly this audience is the jumpiest one I've ever had. It's the only one I've ever had. Splat! More zingers like those coming. But I got to ride in my friend's new Pontiac Trans Am. He was able to do 100 mph easily. He broke loose in third gear. Sheesh. Excellent sound system, 12 CD changer. Then I went back to his house and played catch. We soo bad. We have to get a game going. That's about it. Scotty McHotty signing off. And yes, I did steal that name, it was too good to pass up.r=T{Okay folks, who here has gotten that annoying letter about going without gasoline for a day. Ha. Well, I have a different version here... I'll post the high points (at least the points where I could easily reverse the meanings). Oh and the views expressed in this email do not necessarily represent the views of the this blog, it's owner, it's parent companies...blah, blah, blah. GASOLINE GUZZLING DAY (WEDNESDAY, MAY 19, 2004) IT HAS BEEN CALCULATED BY THE TWO YEAR ACCOUNTANT THAT I KEEP IN MY BASEMENT THAT IF EVERYONE IN THE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND DID NOT PURCHASE A DROP OF GASOLINE FOR ONE DAY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME, PEOPLE WOULD LAUGH AND THEN KICK RHODE ISLAND OUT OF THE UNION. WHO-HOO MORE GAS FOR US!! AND WE WON'T HAVE THE WUSSY STATE WITH US NO MORE! TO THE 49 STATES OF AMERICA! WHAT DO WE NEED THEM FOR?? THEY AREN'T EVEN AN ISLAND! THEREFORE MAY 19TH HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED BY THE NATIONAL SOCIALIST PARTY AS "STICK IT TO...WHOEVER IS MAKING THIS GASOLINE THINGIE'S PRICE SO...(what's that word I'm lookin' fer darla? oh. that's right.) HIGH!" DAY AND THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF GASOLINE THAT DAY. DESPITE THE FACT THAT A DROP OF GASOLINE WOULD COST APPROXIMATELY $0.002. SO THERE! THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE DONE IS IF YOU FORWARD THIS E-MAIL TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN TO GET THE WORD OUT. WE WANT RHODE ISLAND OUT! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REDUCTION AND CONTROL IN PRICES THAT THE ARAB NATIONS PROMISED TWO WEEKS AGO? WHAT HAPPENED TO A FREE MARKET?? WHAT HAPPENED TO DRILLING IN THE ALASKAN WILDERNESS?? REMEMBER ONE THING, NOT ONLY IS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE INCREDIBLY LOW BUT AT THE SAME TIME PEOPLE ARE BITCHING ABOUT IT! WE CAN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE. IF THEY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE AFTER ONE DAY, WE WILL RENDER OURSELVES INTO FUEL! THAT'LL SHOW 'EM! SO DO YOUR PART AND SPREAD THE WORD. FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW. MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND MAKE MAY 19TH A DAY THAT THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES SAY "GIVE ME A GASOLINE INJECTION!" Audioslave has a really good song called gasoline. Anyway I'm gonna go get a gasoline injection. Yeehaw.r>TÔSo I'm just gonna make something up. So everything that follows is completely fake. So that's it. I'm just gonna improvise. So I'm cruising along in my Mitsubishi Eclipse. Just joy riding. That's it, I'm joy riding. So I have a couple of friends with me--who should they be? Well I can't have all my friends with me... I'll just randomly pick names. Jake and Bo. Heh, Jake and Bo. So we're listening to, uh, In Da Club by 50 cent. Yeah... So I get pulled over for joy riding. So the officer gets up to the window. He's a really big guy..300 lbs or so. He has a handle-bar moustache stained by years of tobacco chewing. How the tobacco juice got over the top of his lip into his moustache is beyond me. Though let's just say that he often goes to trick tobacco spitting contests and his trick is to spit his tobacco juice into his moustache. So it turns out he didn't pull me over to ticket me, he pulled me over to join our joy riding party...yeah... So we let him in since he is an officer and we don't want to get him angry enough to give us a ticket for angering a peace officer. Don't want that. There's heavy fines for that. So we start driving again. We drive along having a good ol' time. Turns out that the police officer actually does go to trick tobacco spitting contests. Go figure. And then out of no where a huge thirty point buck comes out of no where. That sentence was intentional. He lowers his head and readies for impact.... TO BE CONTINUED...r?UìSo my day has consisted of school, searching for an appropriate eCard for my friend's graduation, and eating home made baked beans. Baked beans are good. I'm running out of things totalk about... I better come up with another haiku...r@U'urlLink My blog is HOT and you know it.rATHey, it would be great if anyone who stumbles on this blog, or reads it every once in a while, could leave a comment as to if you're a dude or a chick. Just "dude" or "chick" in the comments. If you wanna leave more great, if not, whatever. Thanks. Outs.rBTßApparently I'm not the only "Moose" person that has people wanting to drink my "drool." Which is odd. I bet there's some weird faction out there that just goes around to moose blogs and asks to drink their drool. Hey, whatever. It's all good, but don't expect me to join any moose drool drinkers faction thingy. So the other dude who's had this happen to him is some guy named "Moose." Odd coincidence, eh? You can check out his fledgling blog here urlLink Dao of Moose . Ooh, pretty hyperlink. Go check out my fellow moose's blog. Oh and no one calls me moose. "My friends call me buffalo." "Why's that?" "Don't know." Lol. Until someone else comments about drinking moose drool, or I have something to blog about--out.rCTZer kenbiel lak lae zut tuppah. Zer ka muqc. Muguk daad nmn loe toat. Lae mohath lau moothar kaatopat. Ka kirdirk. Daad mohath wudog'hii. Lae mohath lau moothar zer kenbiel lak. Evidence of a miss-spent youth. And I'm still miss-spending it whoo hooo. Out.rDT–Well, I went to my friend's graduation party yesterday. Come to think of it, I don't think I even talked to her the whole day... There were a lot of people there. I spent most of the day playing a football game with some friends and playing catch. Nothing really happened. It was just like any other get together with friends. Oh well. I still have a stomach ache from the food. Or something. Out.rEU4Bye Shannon Sharpe. urlLink Everyone will miss ya!rFTäIt always seems like I lose time for blogging a little while after I start again. Okay, Memorial day weekend. Saturday, I went to a small party. Hung out with some friends. Stuff like that. I then went out to eat with a buddy of mine. I had Rocky Mountain Oysters. Food for real men. For those of you who don't know what rocky mountain oysters are (I would assume most don't) (squeamish don't read this) they are BULL TESTICLES!! They slice them up, bread them, deepfat fry them, and serve them up with special sauce. Uh.... Anyway, they are extremely good! The kind of stuff you wish you could eat every day! Yum. BULL TESTICLES!! Sunday I went to another party. I then went to stay the night at a friend's house. I know, I'm a little bit old for "slumber parties," but I had to in order to play a softball game the next day. So I did that, played the game, which was fun, then went home. I got driven back in T Dizzle's Trans Am. We had to fuel up, so when I got out this guy was looking it over and he's like "You got an LS1 in that?" Since it's not my car and I have no idea, I say "I don't know anything about this car man, this is just how I roll." So then a girl that's sitting in the back asks "What did he ask you?" And I say, as a joke, "Something about LSD." loud enough so that he could hear me. I looked over at him expecting him to laugh or something, and he just stared at me like he had death in his eyes. So I got back in the car quickly. Well, that's what happened.rGTëWell, I'm very sick. Some sort of weird, sinus/lungs thingy. Yeah, real fun. So have pity on me. I'm sorry its been such a long time since a post. But I was gone for a week on a dry wall job. Yeah, whoever built the house built it out of square so when I'm cuttin the peices of drywall I have to cut them like trapazoids. YAY!! I also got three new cats. They were named Fidel CATstro, MOUSE-olini, and CATfucious. Pretty brilliant eh? Well, I'm gonna go lie down. Later creeps.rHT{Water parks, baseball games and goofing off. Summer is great. I really haven't been up to much just hanging out riding bike and skateboard and stuff. I got a job yesterday which I'm happy about. I've needed money for a long time. It's a job as a farm hand and I start Monday. It pays well too, at least compared to the $0 an hour I was making before. XBOX, here I come...rITSo, just about 4 hours left in Auckland... It's been raining on and off here, but that hasn't stopped me from wearing shorts and sandals. Met a guy called Glen this morning that went to UWO 3 years ago and took computer science. That makes 4 people here that knew what U.W.O. on my hat stands for. Threw out my shoes today. Gave away a whole bunch of toiletries and food so I could make room in my pack for my sleeping bag. Will be a long flight home. Have had a blast. Will try to get my pictures online before my extended away at camp.rJT¿'So it has been a while. What have I done lately? Well I was in Wellington for two nights. Had some excellent meals with my adoptive flatmates and got to see a bit of the nightlife. Must again stress how odd it is to only have 3 or 4 television channels. After that I took the night bus from Wellington to Auckland which is 12 hours long. It's really not that bad if you manage to sleep through the whole trip. Got off the bus and sat on a bench for 2 hours at 6am in wait for a tour bus which would take me further north to Paihaia (can't spell it properly at the moment). Stayed there for two nights. Met 5 Canadians in the hostel. We had a great time showing off our patriotism as they had brought Canadian flags along with them. I was elected to wear one as a cape due to my height. Went on a sailing tour of the Bay of Islands with a Canadian captain hailing from Victoria. Mike was his name. If you're ever in Paihaia, look him up. He's quite personable. On the 6-7 hour trip, we got to see many baby penguins swimming in the water (no pictures as they're too fast), and watched dolphins play alongside the yacht for some time. I managed to get some pictures of them as well but framing dolphins at sea can be quite difficult. I'm sure the quality will be quite poor. After this we went over to an Island, took a scenic walk and then went snorkelling (sp?). Being a Canadian, I felt the need to demonstrate that 19 degree water is not cold enough to warrant a wetsuit. Mike provided us with refreshments throughout the day. As they were freshly cut, he had to go below deck a few times. For some reason he chose to leave me in charge at one point when we were approaching rocks on the left, and another yacht was squeezing us on the right. I found it quite stressfull and fun at the same time -- as any over turning of the wheel on my part would have had us in a sticky situation on either side. Name of the boat? Gungha II. Took the bus back to Auckland today at noon thirty and find myself here, in the land of cheap internet. Staying once again at the Auckland City YHA. I believe my flight leaves tomorrow, the 30th at 6:30pm. If I'm wrong about that, mom or dad, make an international call to the Auckland City YHA and leave a note at the front desk. They'll find me. I'm known in these parts ;-) Even if that i'sn't the right time, I'll be at the airport about 2hours in advance cause I'm conservative like that. I think I'll just relax and finish my last book tonight. Hopefully nobody snores in the dorm cause I can actually sleep in tomorrow. So.. What's different over here? It's the little things really. The toilets drain neither clockwise nor anti-clockwise (counter-clockwise) as the way they flush seems to have a jet spraying action to them. All the light switches are reversed. (Up == off, and Down == on) All electrical outlets have a switch on them so that you can turn off standby features on electric accessories at the wall. This excellent idea for conservation really comes into play on years like this one where the country receives very little rain. Apparently 60% of the country's power is hydro-electric, so in times of drought (sp?) they can run into their own electric crises... There's a whole"Save 10%" campaign going on right now. Did I mention this? While in Dunedin, Katie and I stopped into the Info Centre (tourist bureau) to gather up some pamphlets. When we walked in the door, we were asked to be photographed for some sort of New Zealand tourist pamphlet. I was given one of the polaroid discards so I have proof. I hope someday to see this pamphlet. It really can't compare to Katie's full page spread in relation to her acting career out east. After polling many many people on their mother land -- Canadians and UKians (that's what I call them) make up the bulk of New Zealand backpackers. So, have no fear, we're welcome and well represented over here. It must be something in our culture that encourages travelling about like this. I've only seen 2 Americans, and we're quite easy to pick out by our accents. Something else I've noticed -- Almost all the Canadians over here have our flag sewn onto their backpack. Strangely though, no other country does this. It's something practically unique to Canada. We're an incredibly patriotic country. (TECH NOTE: Sorry about the lack of line/paragraph breaks. I put them in, but they don't show up on all computers for some reason...) So now that I'm basically done here, who wants to backpack around Canada with me? I'm going to miss the coastline, the hilly terrain, and the delightful accents among other things. Try to get a bunch of Kiwi's to talk about eggs if you can. Katie knows what I'm talking about. Try not to laugh though as then they'll cut their conversation short ;)rKUÒurlLink More Pictures -- from before May 15th... So the pictures are actually quite big, they're justbeing displayed in thumbnail mode at the moment... gotta go, spent way too much on internet to put these up.rLTurlLink Temporary Place for Pictures -- May 16 through May 22nd Please excuse the massive size and varying quality. I won't be able to post all my 800 or so pictures in reasonable quality until I have the time back in NA... which will probably be September. Enjoy these choice cuts.rMT°quickly, for my own record. The following bands were supposed to play at the concert I went to: Cooltones, Slipstream, Pine, Hit Machine, Fat Freddy's Drop, Orkid, 4 Man Bob, Betchadupa, The Chills, Eight, P/Money w/ Scribe, Cripple Mr Onion, Newmatics, Shape Shifter, Blindspott, Salmonella Dub. The concert ended really early (1.5 hours) so a few of those bands must have dropped out. Couldn't figure out who though cause nobody was announced as they went on or off stage.... On a bus to picton tomorrow at 7am. Immediately get on a ferry when I arrive there and should be in Wellington at round 3pm. So, what did I not get time to do on the south island?... uh-oh no time left. byerNT Alright. Camera fixed. The owner here is quite a nice guy. Probably could've gotten a job here if I was staying long enough. So, I have another 350 pictures to take before leaving NZ. It's clearing up a bit out there, I think I'll go on a long walk along the river.rOTÓSo, in Christchurch today. All my plans for the city have fallen through due to bad weather and lack of tourists. For example, Kayaking/Rafting trips are all off today due to lack of interest. I'll just have to limit myself to shopping (I never buy anything besides books) and walking. Techie guy here in the cafe just broke my memory stick (the memory for my digital camera) so I'll have to convince him to let me onto the administration computer. Be back in a bit.rPTeOnce again, short on time so I can't jot down all I want to. So... after Queenstown where did I go? Franz Joseph/f... It's a giant glacier. Got there too late to walk on the glacier though, so I ran a track which I thought would get me pretty close to it. Didn't really.... Took an amazing picture of it from far away though. Hope it turns out. Apparently that mountain goat I saw is called a "Thar" ? Met a guy from Israel who guessed I was an American before I even opened my mouth. Apparently I have some sort of north american style going on... It has alot to do with the fitted baseball cap apparently. If he didn't know I was a backpacker though I imagine he would've just guessed I was a scarfie. Anyways, met a girl called Peppa (seriously) and her friend Genevieve (?), also met Peter. Enjoyed some free vanilla tea with these new people. FJYHA is incredible by the way... Everything but their beds. Managed to get some sleep as the snoring wasn't nearly as loud this time around. Left in the morning to go to Greymouth to catch the TranzAlpine train to Christchurch which is supposed to be a breathtaking journey through the alps and past historic mining sites. Well, it rained all day, coast to coast so I didn't really get to see much. Anyways, I'm here in Christchurch now debating whether to stay all day tomorrow and the night as well. It's either that or bus up to Nelson and see if there's anything to do. Either way my next stop will be Picton -- from there I take the ferry to Wellington and hopefully meet back up with Amnon's future flatmates. Why all the hurry? Well time's running out and I'd still like to see the Bay of Islands which is north of Auckland... So, it'll be close as to whether or not I can make it.. Go Sens Go! and mom, you really have to stop giving this address out to everyone... do the neighbors have it too? :) Just kidding. Have to go...rQTI Queenstown is such a tourist trap.. The prices are astronomical here. If you ever visit NZ, buy food and such before entering Queenstown. Stock up again after leaving. Anyways, it rained through the night but started clearing up at around 7:30 am. I thought it looked like it would hold off for a while so I looked for a reasonably long hike I could take quickly while the weather held off. I ended up hiking to the summit (near anyways, more on that later) of Mt. Something something. I have pictures and the name written down somewhere, but once again, no time to get into that. So, I did the trail as fast as possible to avoid rain. I took a ton of pictures (too many actually). After about 2 hours I finally noticed that NZ lacks wildlife in a big way. All they have over here are birds. Sheep are plentiful, but they're not exactly wild. Anyways, just after thinking this, I heard a noise to my right and noticed that I'd stumbled upon a herd of what appeared to be mountain goats. I took some pictures so someone will have to identify them for me later. Pretty exciting stuff. The trail was marked 3 hours, for experts only. Never having climbed a mountain before, I thought, "this is the thing for me -- I'll do it in 2 hours" Anyways, I had plenty of gear in my backpack (and it's still there now) in case the weather turned on me and I was exposed at the top of a mountain. I had to keep resting more and more frequently.. I really pushed myself today. I kept pushing towards the summit. However, due to a variety of reasons, I decided to eat my lunch about 10 minutes from the summit and turn back. I was starting to get a bit of vertigo going on, the wind was picking up, I didn't trust the clouds, and my shoes aren't made for that sort of thing anyways. So, I turned back... I think I know my limits a bit better now, but I still don't know my breaking point. Jogged parts of the way down, that was pretty fun. Didn't see the mountain goat things on the way down. Did hear an odd mammal off in the distance though. Didn't see any hobbits. Only 5 other people did I pass on the way down. They probably took the gondola halfway up though judging by their lack of backpacks (les touristes). I don't have money for such things unfortunately. Took a trail called one-mile-track or some such... Then stumbled upon a fairly abandoned trail called the Water Works. Incredible stuff. Water falls, rain foresty area. Some of the most precious times on this whole trip have been when I've gone off without a tour, by myself, on unmarked trails. This particular path will never be part of a tour because it's simply too unsafe. I have fairly good balance and I still managed to slip a few times uncomfortably close to the stream. More pictures were taken of all this... I really need a camera with a wideangle lense. Some of the panoramas I could have captured today would have simply amazed. Finished that trail. Walked around the bay and dryed off just as it started to rain... here I am. Hopefully tomorrow I leave for Franz Joseph/f glacier which is northwest from here. running out of internet time, and new zealand time. ciaorRTÔAlright, it's been a long time since I posted anything significant. Don't know if I'll have time to get everything up to speed. It seems I must try though because everybody has been taking wild guesses at where I am, what I'm doing. For example, I haven't been to any glaciers yet. :-p Alright, so -- I flew out of Wellington safely to Dunedin ages ago. Since then I stayed with some of Katie's friends. Justin, Darren, Mark and Malcolm. (+ others perhaps -- sorry, I'm rushed) Must say those were some very cold nights. The people there know how to build houses on hills, but apparently haven't heard of insulation. Went midnight swimming in Dunedin with people mentionned above, along with Rebecca and Emily. This was in the ocean no less. It was quite cold, and spur of the moment. Worth it however... This was immediately after watching the Matrix 2 premiere just past midnight. The movie is not worth watching in my opinion. I walked all over Dunedin during my time there. Walked up the steepest street in the world. Caught some amazing views from the top of Mt. Mccargil (?) and Signal Hill. Walked dogs (from a kennel)... Saw glowworms (for free!)... sat around a lot. Read books. (Finished Dune, as well as How To Be A Canadian, or something like that) ... Left Dunedin on a Tour Bus called "Bottom Bus" or "Scarfie"... run by "Kiwi Experience". Went through the Catlins which are beautiful. This is all on the southeast coast of the South Island. Stayed in uhm.. Riverton, just past Invercargill. Riverton is a little small town, nothing really to see there. We stopped at various places. One of which, the name escapes me at the moment -- we had the pleasure to see a Sea Lion up close and personal. Walked along some beaches, stopped for many photos (will post them if I have time in Ottawa) Stayed in Te Anau last night. INCREDIBLE place. Only about 1750 pop. but their national park is beautiful. No time to recall the name right now though. We pulled in late at 2:30, I really wanted to go tramping though so I walked briskly towards the biggest mountain in the distance. Managed to get to the end of Dove Bay and took some stunning photos. But this was around 4:30 so I had promised myself I'd turn around by then as it'd be getting dark soon. So I turned around and started walking back to the hostel as the sun went down. Started getting back as it became pitch black out. Quite the experience walking down an unlit path in the dark without a torch (that's what they call flashlights over here) The hostel was pretty nice. I stayed in a dorm with a Canadian from Winnipeg, somebody from Sweden and a hitchhiker from France. On the bus I'd been hanging out with a Turkish man who lives in Switzerland. SeerChulk or something like that. Oh, names of other people... hm... Rachael, Marie.. Jesse is a guy that was on the bottom bus, another canuck, being from Brandford, going to York next year so he's getting all the travelling out of his system right now. Don't know anybody here in Queenstown YHA yet. Might not have any time. Kind of tired from today. In a dorm room with 7 other people, all assumedly guys tonight. I'm running out of time on internet, and in New Zealand. Kind of sad. Don't know yet how I'll be spending the rest of my time here. I'll be spending tonight, and tomorrow night here in Queenstown. I guess I'll just go walking tomorrow. Today we left Te Anau and went to Milford Sound. Incredible. Today was the first day I experienced New Zealand rain, no problem though as you could go wait inside the tour boat. Cause of the fog/rain some of the beautiful sights were missed. This was made up for in that, the rain creates many more waterfalls to view. Anyways... Nice to hear that many people are reading this thing now. I really had just intended it to be for myself, but we all know how word travels in our family :) I must go now as I belive I've spent way too much at this internet terminal now. (Please excuse grammar, spelling and sentance structure, this keyboard is broken, and I'm quite rushed)rSU¯Yay Otago. Made it here to Dunedin fine, Katie met me at the Airport. I should go right now though cause there are other people waiting to use this computer. (on campus) ciaosrTTiDidn't take note of when I logged into this computer so I'll make this entry fast. Just booked a flight to Dunedin from wellington via the internet. Can't print stuff out here though so I pray the computers over at the airport work fine tomorow. I have no idea where the airport is actually, so I guess I'll just pay some huge amount for a cab... paid for that ticket by mastercard. $158NZ (no insurance) Kinda worried that my bag will be too heavy and they'll kick me off the flight. Max is 20kgs... and I have more than 20kgs for sure... So hopefully it works out. If not... I guess I'm stuck here and will be out $158 dollars. The flat is having a big dinner tonight. I get a free ride on that. They're too friendly to let me say no. Well, if it all works out okay, I'll get to see Katie tomorrow which is awesome cause that's why I'm over here in the first place :)rUTjI get kind of nervous logging on to internet, my email, and my blog in these internet cafes. I know how easy it is to cache/sniff all the internet traffic and steal passwords. It's also trivial to install a keylogger and grab all the passwords that way. Only a computer nerd such as myself thinks about these things. Oh well. I guess I'll change all my passwords once I'm done with internet cafes. Happy birthday dad. Happy early anniversary and mother's day if I'm off by a day or two when I remember closer to the actual date. Turangi was horrible. Don't know why the tour stopped there. Anyways, today was just a lot of travelling with stops on the way here to Wellington. I think I got to see Mordor from the Lord of The Rings. I'll have to watch the movie again and see what I recognize. Across the road from here they have a giant Golem head and arms sticking out of a 4 storey building. They're quite proud that Lord of the Rings was filmed over here. Shared a bunk with a German the other day. He'd finished his mandatory time in military service about a half year ago so he went off travelling immediately after. He's almost out of money though so he's flying back to Germany soon enough. Hm... James from England was cool. He's been travelling for over a year. Anna from southern England hooked me up with a list of obscure bands I should check out. Met an Auzzie (sp?) couple, an england couple, and a couple from Finland. They informed me that Canada is playing Finland in some ice hockey finals. They found out via textmessaging on a cellphone. There's really no news about Ice Hockey over here. Everybody follows Rugby... Makes me wish I'd taken up the Ottawa boys offer for me to try out for Ottawa Scottish. Met a guy from France. He was the quietest of the bunch from last night's hostel. Patrick and Ray from Ireland were pretty cool> i thought ray in particular was after my lucky charms> ahahaha i"d ask for help> but i"m not asianish> so i"ve already met the people from amnon"s flat>>> everyone but the girl that amnon knows actually which is kind of strange cause i have no connection whatsoever to the people who let me into their apartment and into their flatmate"s bedroom> they"re incredibly nice people for doing that> and the way things are right now it"s a really nice place> it has the style of the appartment on big brother> two of the people who live there are artistic it seems so they have some nice decor> i"ll be heading back there for half an hour> i"ve been invited out with them tonight> so tomorrow i"ll check out the museum here and maybe find something else to do around here>>> maybe a boat tour or seomthing> i haven"t done that in nz yet> katie has a fairly relaxed homework schedule next week i wanted to ferry from wellington to the south isle> so maybe i"ll just do it in reverse> i imagine i"ll have enough time> i"m just warning everyone> the people i"m around all the time have all these incredible plans they"re filling my head with the notion that travelling for a good long time is a great idea> i"ve fallen behind on my plan to become a lean machine> i haven"t done much trekking around on food> unless you consider walking twenty minutes from the wellington city yha down the street to the flat i"ll be staying in with my pack to be strenuous> i"m also eating a lot more now than when i first came over> my craving for large amounts of protein kicked in> wow >> three dollars an hour> so >> how are they doing? guess they"re in the third round (semis) now? (fixed the keyboard thingy) I can't wait till I get a few days to just sit down and do nothing... It feels like that'd be a waste of time and money though. So I guess I'll keep wandering around, trying to keep my eyes and my camera busy. Wellington is dang windy.. And I think UWO means something over here. Cause I swear some people have laughed at my hat. Either that or a) baseball hats aren't cool over here or b) my face is funny in and of itself.... Hopefully Kiwi's are just really funny people who like to have monologues in their head, and THAT's why they're laughing all the time. Michael got "accused" of being Canadian the other day. He certainly doesn't sound Canadian to me, but he definately has lost his Irish accent from all that travelling he's done. I'm not losing my Canadian/American accent that's for sure. Most people have no trouble understanding it as long as I speak very loudly. :) Don't have much time left... Time to walk to the flat. I don't think I have to worry about Muggers, cause really, I think I probably look like the type that does all the mugging. Hands in pockets, black jacket, hat, "bus face"... ya know. ciao kiwi kiwirVTŽSo little time and so much to update on. Well, I guess it would be... Two nights ago? I did some stuff in the day... Met up with a guy from Holland. We went to the Globe bar in Auckland. Had a good time. Met some more travellers. A journalist from Holland, a guy from Switzerland... hm.. The next day I got on the Magic bus ($189NZ) to start heading south. Went through Waitomo and slept in Rotorua. Met a guy from Japan, somebody from France, plenty of people from England. Spending most of my time on this bus ride with a guy called Michael from Northern Ireland. Spent the night last night in Rotorua at a hostel called The Wall. (Because it has an indoor rock climbing wall... much better than that place we go to in Ottawa all the time) Met a guy from Australia, some girl from Wales... Seems like everybody has read Stupid White Men by Michael Moore. He always comes up in conversation when Bush gets talked about... Spotted a few more Canadians. We're almost obnoxious in how prominently we display our Flag. :) Discussed it with some people and seems that people think we show our flag all over the place so people know we're "not american".. When I get home, I really want to travel around Canada by the same methods. Saw a geiser, some hot pools, steamvents and such. Plenty of sheep and beautiful hills and all that. My camera battery died so I'm on to AA Batteries now. Hopefully Katie has a CD burner so I can get all these pictures off the camera before something happens to it in customs on the way back or something. So, I'm in Taupo right now if I hadn't mentionned that already. It's on the east edge of Lake Taupo I guess. Apparently the largest lake in the Southern hemisphere... Did I mention the plane I was on from LAX to Auckland had Frodo written all over it? Air New Zealand seems proud of the whole Lord of the Rings thing. Anyways, hopefully I find something to do for the next bit in Taupo. Will be sleeping in Turangi or something tonight before heading on to Wellington tomorrow morning. Might get a free place to sleep tomorrow through Amnon's connections over here. Would be nice. If not, no biggie. Hostels are fun. :) gotta go. 3 minutes left.rWTE So, I have no tshirts left. I might be leaving tomorrow morning at 8:30 to hit up Waitomo, Rotorua and Taupo on the way to Wellington. So I'll try to do laundry tonight. So I'm off of coffee it looks like. Just not something you want to be drinking if you spend all your time walking. I actually get tired these days too. I could sleep right now if I wanted to but I have to eat and do my laundry first. Exciting eh? I keep noticing all these neat things throughout the day, but my shortterm being what it is, I forget it all before I get online to write the stuff down. For example, after I finished the Antarctic Penguin adventure today (as I like to call it) I walked over to one of the hills/parks I'd seen from Skytower. I forget the name of the thing already.. incredible isn't it? Really, someone with my lack of ability with names should not be touring by themselves. I've always said that I navigate by landmarks. Do you have any idea how tough that is to pull off when you're in completely new land? maybe... Anyways. Sort of met some people from Ireland that once had jobs in Ottawa. One of the people worked for Corel (laid off), and the other is taking Computer Science somewhere, how cute. Bumped into some Calgarians while looking at penguins. Possum Bourne died recently. He was NewZealand's only rally car driver. People here seemed to have loved him very much. NZ lost America's Cup in a big way this year. It shows as America's Cup souveniers are dirt cheap. Speaking of souveniers, I've seen some good ones, but there's no room in my pack unfortunately. So i'll be picking them upon my return to Auckland at the end of the month. Hope people like Auckland. Upon my first trip to a dairy I wanted some bread that looked like it could substitute for a meal. I bought some Vogel's... turns out it's quite popular over here. If New Zealand had a national bread, I think vogel's would be it. Chemist == Drug Store My face is a bit burnt from lying down on the top of a hill for way too long. My feet hurt a bit, but it's bearable. My calfs burn like mad, and I'm sure they'll hurt even more once I pick up and move to a new town. If I keep walking everwhere like I have been, I should be a lean machine by the time camp starts. angry that i won't be able to charge my camera here... It *does* take AA batteries though. So i guess I'll just burn through packs of those. I better slow down with the picture taking too, i've already taken 80ish. anyone feel like cracking my back? Hopefully the money change is open past 6pm... will go check once my internet time runs out. timeto findme some food... ~jayrXTŸMy first post, hopefully is works. Once again, this blog is mostly for my own benefit. Close friends may find it interesting in very small doses. I realy don't have time to get creative with the posts though because internet time is fairly expensive. This hour costs $2.00 NZ.. Hit the SkyTower today, walked to a park I saw from the skydeck... Then I walked to Mt. Eden and checkout out some millenia old volcano craters. In retrospect I probably should have taken the bus to Mt Eden as my shoes are trash. I got to scope out all the prime real estate on the way though which is a plus... This is a good thing, cause, after a few hours in Auckland -- I'm thinking I should move here. Don't worry mom, I'm just kidding. I'm sure the thrill will wear off. Still no plan for when to leave Auckland... When I get bored Iguess. Then to Dunedin at some point, and to Wellington most likely as Imight be able to lodge there for free for a bit. It's boiling out there but all the locals are wearing pants. What's the deal? I'm out there in my shorts of course and I'm still finding it hot. So Ihaven't met my bunkmates yet, should be interesting. I'm in the Auckland City YHA tonight in room 303 sharing it with 3 others. Cost? $22.00 + $35.00 YHA membership. What else did I buy today?.... $11.00 bus ride and a $20.00 local phone card. $??.?? on the SkyTower dealie. I'll be trying to keep track of my money in front of ya'll.. Still can't figure out the international calls, sorry about that peeps. Oh yeah, I can't get used to people driving on the other side of the road here. Takes me way too long to figure out when it's safe to cross the road. I check a good eight times before crossing... There's that, and they have 6 way pedestrian crossings here. It blew my mind the first time I saw it. Looks like rain out there. Better jet back to the hostel and... I dunno. Change into some pants or something. Cheers! Jay in Nuclear Free NZeerYTàEdit: urlLink According to Engadget , the story that was originally quoted for my little rant is, itself, rather misinterpreted. MS is still taking some "we're gonna beat the iPod" trash, but it's nowhere as balls-to-wall as it originally seemed. Microsoft, it's long been known, has the digital music market (refined and defined by Apple) in its sights. Looks like they're getting close enough to the initiation of their plans that they're willing to start talking trash: The Microsoft-branded devices will "look and feel" as good as the iPod for as little as $50, said Yusuf Mehdi, corporate vice president of MSN at Microsoft Corp., at the Goldman Sachs fifth annual Internet Conference in Las Vegas. Hrm. Let's disregard, for the moment, the applied-for patent that Apple is working on for the iPod (and the concommitent issues regarding that patent application) Just as good as the innovator (be that innovator Apple or any other of a number of companies) has been the MS rallying cry for nigh unto 20 years. That claim, and the ability to prop up a crappy new product with Windows and Office profits until said product has been refined, are two of the pillars of MS busines strategy. That strategy hasn't been working for MS lately, though - and just as good hasn't been working for the other iPod competitors to date. A huge part of the iPod's appeal, after all, is its continuing Cool Factor. MS might excel at just as good , but they've never managed to grok Cool.rZX÷Owen over at urlLink Asymptomatic has created a mondo-table-from-hell that does its damned best to make an urlLink apples-to-apples comparison of the many user-installed blogging packages . I got tired of flipping back and forth between each of the sites, especially when not all of the answers to my questions were apparent from simply reading the main web page. Obviously, it doesn’t include “service†blogging like Radio, Blogger, or LiveJournal - but it’s damn useful.r[UâurlLink MacOS X 10.3.4 just hit the bricks, weighing in at 40MB. urlLink Detailed information is here , but updates include some Mail fixes, new OpenGL features, support for USB 2.0 iPod connections, and Safari 1.2.2. Enjoy!r\X@ During the dot.com boom, anyone who could apply a bold tag and use the paintbrush tool in MS Paint could get work as a web geek - be the title “webmasterâ€, “web developerâ€, “HTML builder†or any other of a jillion variants. All the startups striving for IPO stardom needed a website to pimp their plan (not to mention to host cash-generating advertising), and there had to be people to build those websites. Someone who could claim any level of web skills - and who lived in certain “hot†areas - would be courted by multiple employers who were moist with venture capital funds, hoping to put people in their newly-purchased Aeron chairs. Today, three years after the “official†beginning of the post-boom recession, it’s a much different story. While there are still luminary web developers, such heights require an advanced synthesis of skills including not only HTML (now XTML and CSS) coding but excellent design, usability, and information architecture chops. Their numbers are relatively few - the mighty herd having been viciously culled - and most work as part of small (or even one-person) design shops that move from contracted project to contracted project. One of the more telling signs of the desmise of non-contract web development has been the last year or so of job postings here at UW. While I haven’t made a scientific study of it, postings for jobs that are web-only have been for 50% appointments (which is, by the way, below the threshold for several staff benefit goodies). Those that have been full time have had posted salary ranges topping in the mid-thirties, which isn’t much of a living wage if you want to actually live in Seattle (as opposed to commuting from Lynnwood). The few that have been fulltime and of a living wage have had web development as only one of a handful of responsibilities - with the others being some combination of database programming, Windows (MCSE) administration, UNIX administration, and C/C++ programming. The simple reality is that “new†websites are fairly rare these days - and creation of such, if done properly, is best done by one of the dedicated luminaries on contract. Clients that desire dynamic sites will either contract to have their site put into a CMS, hire a DBA/Programmer to roll their own database-driven solution, or try to “graft†web updates on to the responsibilities of some other position in the organization. It’s still a “sexy†field - but the ratio of hopefuls to successes is coming to resemble the ranks of writers, artists, industrial designers, and similar fields.r]TÒSo, Apple issued their urlLink security update to address the problem, but it only handles the vulnerability caused by Help Viewer's ability to run arbitrary scripts. It doesn't address the problems caused by URIs that mount real or virtual filesystems, nor does it address the telnet: URI problem. John Gruber at Daring Fireball has summed up what you should do to cover your assets with urlLink An Ounce of Prevention . In short: Install the Apple Patch Disable anything that auto-opens downloaded files Disable URI helpers that auto-mount filesystems Disable the telnet URI Read John's post for the details. Why hasn't Apple issued a patch for all of this? It appears that the vulnerability is one that takes advantage of How Things Are Supposed To Work. That is, fixing it in a graceful fashion might require some pretty basic re-thinking of how certain things operate. We'll see. Here's hoping that post V on this issue is a final resolution. Yeeshr^TÚJohn Gruber over at urlLink Daring Fireball has posted two good articles on the recent URI Handling vulnerabilities in MacOS X: urlLink Unsafe URI Handlers urlLink Telnet Protocol The second (he said, inverting order) notes that the telnet:// URI handler can be used to overwrite user-owned files, as the contents of the URI are passed as command-line options to telnet - including the option to write a log file of the telnet session that would overwrite existing files of the same name. So add telnet:// to the Bad Boy list. But before you fire up IE to disable it, read the first article. It covers much of what Josh Larios mentioned the other day, save that John discusses disabling the offending URI protocols via the Launch Services API (using urlLink RCDefaultApp ) rather than the Internet Config API (which is layed atop Launch Services). RCDefaultApp also allows you to outright disable the URI handlers, rather than assigning a null app (although it's handy to have that null app pop up so you know what happened). It's also important to note that these vulnerabilities are in all web browsers on OSX (since it's an issue of how URIs are handed off to certain helper programs), as well as in programs which have "live HTML" capabilities - like urlLink NetNewsWire and even urlLink Mail.app Thorny beast. Apple has said that they're urlLink aware of the reports and are examining the issue but, in some ways, these vulnerabilities run pretty deep.r_UíJohn Gruber of Daring Fireball discusses how to protect your Mac from the Mac OS X 10.3 security exploit announced earlier this week, at an even lower level than Josh Larios' suggestions from an earlier post. [ urlLink Daring Fireball ]r`T¸PC users rejoice, there's actually a serious MacOS X security issue that isn't just a urlLink hyped-up effort to sell software . Here's the rundown from Secunia: urlLink Mac OS X URI Handler Arbitrary Code Execution . And more information from insecure.ws urlLink Safari/help runscript: Proof Of Concept The short version is that links which use the disk: or help: URI handlers (earlier reports only tag the help: handler) can be rigged to run arbirary code (in the form of scripts) on the user's machine with the user's privs. Anything you can do on your machine, the script could do. Apple may have actually known about this for several months (according to some who claim to have submitted the problem to Apple). Exploits have started to appear online, so the issues has become much more serious. Josh Larios (and others) have pointed out this method to "patch" yourself: Launch Internet Explorer. Go to Explorer -> Preferences. Go to Network -> Protocol Helpers Find the "help" protocol and click on it, then click "Change". Un-check "Use current application if possible". Click "Choose Helper". Click on the "Chess" application in your Applications folder, then click "Open". Click "OK" in the Protocol Helper Editor. If you have a "disk" protocol, click on it and repeat steps 5 through 8. If not, click "Add" and create a "disk" protocol, then follow steps 5 through 8 for it. Of course this would come shortly after I got smug on a mailing list at Windows users suffering from SASSER. Heh. Edit: isophonicSoftware's DGTGF patcher only patches one aspect of the issue (again, thanks to Josh Larios), so don't rely on that for full protection.raTi Almost two months ago, after the boy had his first birthday, I resolved to reduce the number of times I drove to work - not by quitting, but by changing how I got there. I live just under 7 miles from UW, in the happy Seattle neighborhood of Ballard - and found that I could get to work in a reasonable time by either taking the bus (two busses, one transfer) or riding my bike. The general goal is to drive my car less than half the time. I've been pretty good about it. These days there's only one day a week when I can be relied upon to drive, and that's Thursday - "Takeout Thursday" in our house, wherein I bring home takeout food for dinner. Other than that, driving is usually reserved for days that I'm too damned tired to wake up for the bus. Yesterday, I received approval to go back to my old pattern of working from home one day a week - which I'd put on hold for the 6 months we were between Computing Directors. So, now that I've established the habits, it's time to reap the rewards. I can get a U-PASS - an unlimited bus pass - for $48.96 each academic quarter (3 months). I can buy one-day commuter parking passes for $2.36 each to cover those days I do drive - let's say I use 16 each quarter (one a week, plus couple weeks of driving twice). That comes to $37.76. Total cost? $86.72 a quarter - or about $28.90 per month. "Everyday" parking costs me $196 each quarter. Plus, with a 14-mile round trip, I can count on using about 2 gallons of gas every three commutes (good car, but lots of stop-and-go.) Driving every in-office day, versus driving once (and occasionally twice) a week gives me 36 extra commutes. Do the math and that comes out to about $52 in gas each quarter. Throw that in and you have $248/quarter, or about $82.66 a month. So. By biking and bussing, and driving once-maybe-twice a week, I can save $53.76 each month just in parking fees and gasoline costs. That's $12.65 a week or, in Seattle terms, a double-tall Starbucks latte every work day (including the work-at-home days). Those calculations don't count other things such: exercise from biking (when the weather allows time to relax on the bus before and after work reduced "driving with all these idiots on the road" stress using "gotta catch the bus" to leave work on time less wear and tear on the car Well, I know which way I'm going when I renew my parking...rbU.Hey, there's always a first post, isn't there?rcT±I have a handful of users that I'm upgrading from MacOS X 10.2, and one from MacOS 9, to MacOS X 10.3. Being a good admin, I know that the best "point release" upgrade is a full backup-format-reinstall, especially the change-packed releases of MacOS X. Not to mention it's a good excuse to "spring clean" what can quickly become a data-crufty hard drive. I did the first one this morning - an eMac user with a reasonably capable machine and a fairly vanilla install. All told, from walking into the user's office to walking out, it took about 3 1/2 hours - which included explaining things to a student employee who I'm bringing up to speed on things Macintosh. The biggest boon was urlLink Target Disk Mode . No, that isn't when you're in the department-store shopping zone. Long story short, TDM allows a Mac to act like an external hard drive. Take one Mac, hold down the "T" key, and (re)boot. After a bit, a blue screen with a yellow firewire logo will show. You now have a Mac-shaped external firewire hard drive. Use a firewire cable to plug it into another Mac, and it'll mount on the desktop. Made it easy as pie to made a quick-and-dirty disk image backup of the eMac's drive, as I'd brought along my PowerBook with 25GB of free space. Later, when re-installing the user's apps, I reversed the process (making my PowerBook the TDM Mac) and downloaded disk images of installers for apps like AppleWorks and Office v.X. TDM is one of those things that drops jaws when you show it in use to another tech geek who regularly has to move gigabytes of data from one computer to another. Certainly easier than the common PC method of removing the HD and installing it as a Slave IDE drive on the second PC.rdT~According to a recent posting in urlLink BoingBoing , urlLink Cory Doctorow will be on UW campus the week after next to talk a bit about copyright and some of his new fiction. I'm doing an internal talk at Microsoft Research in Redmond on June 17, and they've been good enough to set up a public event on June 16 in Seattle. I'm going to talk a little about copyright and read some new fiction -- there'll be books on sale, and I'll be happy to sign your stuff for ya. Here are the details: When : June 16, 7PM Where : Walker-Ames Room, Kane Hall More info : Contact urlLink Kim Ricketts , 206-523-3458 Should be interesting.reThey, peeps, just heard today that that accursed "president" of ours' tax cut bill is giving tax credits to all sorts of parents *except* the poor who actually *need* it. how stupid can you get? and this from a "president" who claims he won't leave a single child behind?? well, at least the democrats are many of them in an uproar about it, which counts for something. but how can we get rid of w. and his filthy crew? and *why* on earth is w. seemingly so popular? it makes *no* sense at all. *none*!! it makes me feel sick. l8rz...rfT—'k, peeps, just learned that The Hunger Site etc. only counts one click per person per day maximum per site of the five, so i've been clicking foolishly for a while today, but oh well. it's still worth while. it's just a few mouse clicks to help out all those causes a little bit, and it's still free. i just have to remember to click them every day, but they're willing to send you reminders to do that.rgTwhey, peeps, just added a new link! *please*, every single day click on the link to The Hunger Site. there, completely free of charge to you, you can click on a link which gives food to the hungry! also there are tabs at the top of that page which take you to four other charity sites where you can do the same kind of thing! i'm making it a practice, at least once a day, to go to all those five sites (all accessible, remember, from The Hunger Site) and click on each of those five links 108 times, being one mala's worth of clicks. i've also become a Friend of each of those five sites, for $30 each, which doubles (or in the case of The Rainforest Site *triples*) the amount of money i call down from their sponsors for each click at each of those sites! it's a wonderful way to do charitable giving, especially seeing as it costs you nothing unless you choose to become a Friend of one or more of those five sites. it's free! it's good! it only costs you a click of your mouse, a *tiny* little effort! you can help, and help genuinely and easily! *please*, do this, for the sake of the Living Good. *thank* you, all of you who do this to any degree at all. one site feeds the hungry, another gives free mammograms to underprivileged women, another takes care of children's health, another preserves our rainforests, and the fifth feeds rescued animals, all of which are worthy causes in my book. i think their idea of arranging for calling down money from their sponsors is brilliant! but they need your mouse click or it won't work! i luv u, my reader my friend, never forget that. accept my gift to you of the gift of giving easily.rhUàhey, peeps, just gotta plug isometrics again... didn't do my other exercise today, since i had a migraine, but isometrics i could do. very handy stuff, isometrics. back to watching "the fellowship of the ring"... l8rz...riThey, peeps, migraine day today. didn't even exercise! but that's over. i'm watching "spider-man," which is fairly cool for various reasons, including toby maguire's cuteness. elijah wood's more my type though, and he's a bit older than he looks, too. and he's short. and i'm short too. this is appealing. but so are taller guys often. i'm not too fussy in that connection. the important things are that we love each other, are attracted to each other and fit together as people like hand in glove. oh, and that we find each other soon of course. did i ever tell you i'm available? that i'm available right now? like, this very minute? :} i think i'll listen to the radio for a bit, then go back to the flick. i luv u, my reader my friend, and don't forget that. l8rz...rjThey, peeps, you know what? i really honestly deserve all that love i need. yeah, i'm a little guy -- actually that's part of my cuteness! (see my pic.) and i'm a very loving guy and a very good guy and a very intelligent guy and a very sincere guy and i'm very determined to set the whole world right and all that very good stuff, very. i take good care of myself, with a good vegetarian diet and plenty of exercise and meditation for instance. the only things that are holding me back from doing some of the things i need to do are a mysterious pain problem and lack of the wonderful beautiful (inside and out) boyfriend i so very much deserve. the pain problem is strictly temporary, and after all it's only pain. i can still function. and anyway i have my will set to the "perfect health" setting, so therefore i will be pain-free, and *soon*!! and no *way* am i going to let it stand between my boyfriend and me, once he and i find each other, which is gonna be *soon* i vow. i luv u, my reader my friend. {smooch} l8rz...rkT*hey all. just wakin up, havin my coffee, waiting for a painkiller to take effect and contemplating my beloved treadmill. damn! i didn't even use the rowing machine at *all* yesterday! shape up, david, shape up, 'cause there's no such thing as shipping out. of course though, one day away from the rowing machine once in a long while isn't going to make your body go all to pot. that's a matter of having an *educated* conscience. conscience is a good thing, but only if it's healthy and educated. otherwise it causes all sorts of hellish problems for people, doing nothing better than making them feel bad, totally uselessly. an *educated* conscience makes you focus *not* on feeling bad, but on solving the problem in the most practical way. *that's* the kind of conscience i want, and no other kind. some people's "consciences" make them feel like they have to do all sorts of really awful harmful things. that kind of "conscience" is really not worthy of the name, but people still call it that. how stupid. or rather, ignorant, to be sure, and uneducated, to be fair. it's noone's fault really though, none of it. we all do what we think is the best thing to do, even if we might not *think* we think it's the best, on the surface. and we have all sorts of unrealistic ideas of what's possible, so we blame ourselves and each other for things that we never could have avoided under the circumstances, or for not doing things that we never could really have done under the circumstances -- including psychological circumstances beyond our control at the time. we have both more and less control over things than most of us seem to realize. it's really sad how uneducated people seem to be about the reality of their own natures. one big thing i plan to do with my life is to teach people how things *really* are, to the extent that i know it, which frankly is more than most people seem to know about it. i want to make people happy and at peace, and i *know* i can do it. i want to make *you* happy and at peace, dear reader dear friend, and i vow to do my best, so please keep checking in here. and give me *feedback*! i didn't put an "email david" button on the page for nothing! one thing people really need to be as happy as they can be is to be in good physical health, including being in good physical shape. this isn't only a matter of physical well-being. we're more or less integrated systems, spiritual, mental and physical, and keeping your body in good shape *really* does help you be in good mental and spiritual shape, all else being amenable. and there are things almost *anyone* can do to get themselves into and keep themselves in some kind of decent physical shape, like a good well-balanced vegetarian diet, and exercise as simple as isometrics! isometrics i can hardly recommend enough! they *don't* take loads of time -- a full isometric workout can be done in under two minutes a day for serious benefit, especially if you do them consistently over time. they *don't* take any specialized equipment, and no equipment at all that you're not likely to have around your place already, things like walls and doorways and beds and chairs -- so you can do them practically anywhere under a huge variety of circumstances. the isometrics book i'm working with is vic obeck's "how to exercise without moving a muscle," copyright 1964 by pocket books. it's inspiring, it's got great illustrations (i think i'm in love with obeck's son steve, who appears frequently in the illustrations -- he just looks so cleancut and nice and *good*, though he's too young for me, in the pictures anyway [he must be in his mid fifties by now in real life], except for the simple friendship i really love having with young people, who respect my intelligence and my being generally such a solidly good guy) and it's short and well-written. it's also amusing to read something that's so representative of a 50s-early 60s mentality. i recommend it if you can still get hold of it somehow. otherwise there must be plenty of other isometrics books out there to be had. 'k, i'm out for now. l8rz, peeps...rlTõhi. i think people need to get into better shape. we've got a big flabbiness problem in this country. i recommend isometrics, because they're so easy, require so little (even nothing) in the way of special equipment, they take so little time to do (like a couple of minutes or so to exercise all your major muscle groups) and they strengthen and tone the muscles so efficiently! there're probably lots of good books on the subject out there. the one i'm using now is from the 1960s, a book my dad gave me, and i'm sure it's not outdated. this book gives a series of fifteen exercises (one version for men, one for women, though each could benefit from both) which exercise all the major muscle groups over a total of 90 seconds, six seconds per exercise (plus the time to shift from one exercise to another). the only equipment any of these require, beyond your body itself, is stuff like your bed, a wall, a heavy desk, a door frame and stuff like that that you're likely to have anyway. do isometrics for 90 seconds a day and your strength and muscle tone should increase by five percent a week, which is pretty good considering the amount of time involved. and of course nothing's stopping you from doing your isometrics more than once per day either, which i imagine would speed up all the benefits. of course if you have an injury or any of a number of illnesses you should check with your doctor before doing any kind of exercise. for my part, i've decided to do at least the 90 seconds of exercises for men every day from now on, in addition to the treadmill and the rowing machine half an hour each per day. those should probably be enough to get me in really beautiful shape, though i'd like to do weight training eventually in addition. nuf for now. l8rz...rmTg'k, peeps, i've changed the "contact" button into an "email david" button and removed some links that blogger automatically put in that i just don't need to have on my site. i need to learn html, dammit... but i'm a quick study, so that's okay. just did my exercise for the morning, half an hour on the treadmill. yesterday i got the rowing machine taken up from the basement and put in my bedroom, and started using it. the treadmill is fine for my legs and for general cardiovascular training and weight loss, but the rowing machine will help me with my arms and upper body generally. like i say, i'm gonna get myself into top physical shape. plus i'll start doing isometric exercises today too, and i expect to start doing some weight training sometime soonish. and once i get myself into top physical condition i'm gonna keep that up for the rest of my life, make a lifelong habit of it. whatever boyfriend/s i have along the way will be pleased, and besides i'll just feel better in every relevant way. have i told you that i'm very available right now? anyway, blog atcha l8r. i luv u, my readers my friends.rnTRwell, i said i'd letcha know... i didn't do any of that. i fell asleep in my chair instead, hehe. think i'll use the treadmill soon. i'm gonna get myself into top shape, for health reasons and for the sake of my boyfriend-to-be, whoever he turns out to be. i was very sedentary for a while there, what with the pain situation and all. but since using the treadmill over the last few months the spare pounds (there weren't that many of them really either) have been dropping away at a good rapid but healthy pace and i'm feeling much stronger and better. i do half an hour on the treadmill every day, pain permitting, which means six days a week or so on average so far, which is pretty good. and i'm slowly increasing the difficulty. piece of advice: if you've been sedentary for a while, and have use of a treadmill, do what i did. i started with just five minutes at an easy difficulty level, and increased my time by thirty seconds per day until i reached half an hour. i kept it *easy* all along the way, and that made a huge difference to my keeping it up. because it was easy enough all along to feel good, it kept me inclined to do the exercise to begin with. this is important. exercise should be pleasant and fun. if it's not, then maybe you're doing the wrong exercise or are pushing yourself too fast. i'm looking forward to starting to use the rowing machine we have buried somewhere. i was a coxswain for freshman crew at harvard, so rowing is something i know and have good memories of. plus it exercises more muscles than just the treadmill does. i'm gonna get my whole body in top shape and the rowing machine should be fun to use. once in college i did 150 miles at a stretch on a rowing machine. impressed the hell out of my rowers. i was just a little coxswain after all. i luv u, my readers my friends. never forget that. l8r...roUòdid i ever tell you i love blogging? it's an instant fave hobby of mine now. i think i'll go watch a movie on dvd, since i recently got a few i haven't seen yet. i might place a personal ad over the computer tonight too. i'll letcha know.rpT±'k, came out to my sister today and told her and the folks that they may appropriately spread the word. would have told my sister's boyfriend(? - noone knows *what* their status really is at the moment) too but no convenient moment arose. plus i've started a non-anonymous blog in addition to this one, which i'll tell people about, which mentions the fact in the subject line. i guess i'm officially out now. it feels good, too.rqTa dear reader my friend, what do we humans really know about especially the long-term effects of all these artificial junks we create? we weren't evolved to know how to deal with them. that goes for artificial food additives, other stupid sorts of chemicals, genetically modified foods and organisms, etc. one of the stupidest things we're doing is tampering with organisms' genetics. "life will find a way," to quote from "jurassic park," and it's just plain dangerous! we honestly only *imagine* we know what we're doing when we do that. we *don't* know the long-term effects of these g.m. organisms upon the ecosystem long-term. nor do we know the long-term effects upon it of the various new chemicals we produce and dump everywhere. why are we so blind and unthinking and even uncaring? it makes no sense. it's poisonous attitudes that are to blame, of course, things like greedy attachment, malice and (especially willful) ignorance, pride, superstition, and all those, which are called "kleshas" in buddhism. according to buddhism these kleshas have been with us, partially dominating us, from beginningless time. personally i don't think it's worth blaming anyone, because it's only that we've been dominated by these bad patterns which we *wouldn't* allow ourselves to be dominated by if we were *really* aware of their effects upon our happiness and suffering levels. we need to clear our judgments from these bad patterns if we are to overcome them, which we definitely *can* do. some people have done it thoroughly, some people more partially, but it *can* be done and it *must* be done, by humanity en masse and generally by all sentient beings en masse throughout the universe/multiverse/all. it's a big task, but i vow to you that it shall be done. then we'll have a permanent golden age in real life. i vow it to you. nothing is ultimately more important to me than accomplishing that and then enjoying the results forever. it's a serious vow, so hold me to it (in a reasonable fashion of course). i've found that the best sources of information about the nature of reality which are practical for building *real* personal strict knowledge upon are theosophy, buddhism, and modern science, in terms of overcoming blindness and the kleshas in general and coming to know the reality of our situation firsthand. some of the results are in my certain experience surprising and strange, especially how very psychological natural processes generally seem to be. mind is heavily involved in every phenomenon which has any meaningful existence, and it can be quite surprising to have true revelations about this. and it can be highly *useful* to come to know this stuff firsthand, i know from my own experience. it's a universe of *living* energy/matter/sensation which is gradually learning how to make itself (all of us, that is) thoroughly happy. our happiness (its happiness) is most definitely the one central aim of it all. even our blunders we make imagining they'll make us happier. because the whole thing shares a wish for perfect (implying unalloyed and permanent) happiness, and because it's developing better and better intelligence, and because some beings have already achieved their individual perfections, there's real hope for us all in the long run, very real actual hope for us all to be quite happy together forever someday in actuality. just think about it, eh? l8r...rrUThis is a test. My goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Fellatio Wack . urlLink What's yours? Powered by urlLink Rum and Monkey .rsT'k, dear reader my friend, my sister is coming over tomorrow and i'll tell her then. on the phone i only told her i had something important i've decided to do. dammit, i'm lonely without a boyfriend. maybe my sister knows someone who'd be good for me, who knows. l8r...rtTYmy dear, dear reader friends, congratulate me! i just came out to my parents and they took the news really well! next step is telling my sister. then i'll have to figure out some tactful respectful way to make the fact common knowledge. if you've got any good advice, or anything else to say, hit the contact button near the top of the page.ruT‚those financial-type visitors are still here. i wish they'd leave soon, meaning them no offense, so i can have a good opportunity to have that special little talk with my folks. i feel a great urgency about this coming out thing all of a sudden, thanks to my old friend turning out to be gay too giving me a sudden burst of courage. see, i want to do this while this bout of special courage lasts. that's part of my feeling of urgency. i think it *will* last anyway, but just to be on the safe side... i really need to do this for my happiness' sake. in other news, i've decided to add some more exercises to my workout routine. currently all i'm doing is 30 minutes on a treadmill every day, which of course is important and a great thing for me to do in and of itself, but i want to add exercises to tone and shape the rest of my muscles too, for health's sake, for beauty's sake, for my potential boyfriends' sake and all that great stuff. i'll start with some easy isometric exercises to start building my musculature more, then graduate to training with weights soon after that. of course, i need to actually *get* the weights, but that can be done of course. all we have at home is a pair of 2-pound hand weights, which isn't much except as a bare start. i've found this website which has a sort of personalized trainer computer program and descriptions of a bunch of exercises. i guess when i graduate from isometrics i might start with the few exercises there that don't require weights or machines, especially if i haven't gotten my weights yet to train with. i'm determined to get my body into top shape, as a good thing in every way. l8r...rvTã'k, peeps, i didn't have a chance this morning. i was in too much pain early on, and then our house guest woke up and came downstairs. and now my folks are waiting for some financial people to come visit. but maybe i'll have a chance this afternoon. our house guest goes every day to walk her dogs, so maybe then, or later on today if not. i want to go through this today if i can, or as soon as practical anyway. it's about damned time, *i* think. it'll sure make me happier.rwToh well. didn't have a good chance to come out to my parents today. i want a good moment when they're sitting in the living room comfortably and our house guest is away or asleep upstairs in her room. i think tomorrow morning should work. if any of you, my dear reader friends, have any words of encouragement or advice or such, please, please, please do hit the contact button near the top of the page and email me. i know more or less how i want to tell my parents and sister, but i don't know what the appropriate way is to come out to the world at large. i mean, just blurting it out to everyone i meet doesn't feel right, and might in some cases be misinterpreted. should i tell a few people, and ask them to find some tactful way to mention it to people, or what? obviously i've never come out to the world before. a few of my friends already know 'cause i had the courage to tell them, but what's the tactful respectful way to tell everyone? advice please, if you've got some good advice. i'd be very grateful.rxTOhey, peeps. just changed the opening blurb of the blog to reflect a major decision. i've decided that i want to come out of the closet and live honestly as openly gay. i'm just waiting for an appropriate moment to tell my parents, then my sister when i see her next, then i'll open things up for anyone to know who wants to know. congratulate me. i've needed to do this for years, for my happiness' sake. i think people will generally be cool with it, even my parents included, though it might take some getting used to for them. why am i doing this now? it's because of hearing the other day that a childhood friend of mine is also gay. this has somehow given me the courage that i need to do this. 'k, i'll go sit in the living room hoping my parents will be available this afternoon or evening for this little talk... blog atcha l8r.ryU‘it's working! yay! click on "picture of david" at the top of the page and you'll see a smallish picture of me with my cat leila on my shoulder.rzU,'k, peeps, let's see if my pic is working...r{Twoke up a little while ago and took a painkiller, so i'll stay up for a while and blog and stuff while it lasts and sleep later until i can take another one around 8:30-9:00 am. life with chronic pain... i miss raves and my raver friends. i used to hang out with them like all the time. once two of my raver friends stayed with me for five days at a stretch. that was when my dad had his first heart attack. it was nice to have them here to support me. ravers can be so wonderful, and take care of each other so well... oh well. i'll have friends to hang with again soon, i'm sure, once this pain thing is under better control or goes away. friends are very important to me. i love my friends dearly. i'm devoted to them. i'd live my life for them. and of course for my boyfriend, once i find him. and of course for my family. i guess i'm a very loving person. not outgoing enough, but very very loving. and of course there's my great vow, to set everyone in perfect happiness forevermore. that's a loving vow. i want to become a completely perfect friend (and lover, for my boyfriend-to-be). that's one way to describe my highest ideal for myself, to be a perfect friend to every living being, including you my beloved reader friend. write me or something. i'm feeling lonely and bored. sometime also i want some kind of feedback thing built into my blog. i've just ordered a couple of books from amazon about blogging -- how to set up a really good blog and such stuff. argh! i'm bored. WRITE ME!! i've had this my first blog up for over 24 HOURS and nobody's written me yet!! of course i imagine this is kind of normal, but i do have an impatient streak. i'm an aries after all. of course, it's not like i've really *told* anyone about my blog yet, so what can i expect, but i did have it linked this afternoon to a glbt blog directory, so who knows what'll come of that. wonderful things, i hope. become part of my life, dear reader friend, if you are so inclined. i mean, how hard can it be to click one little contact button? :)r|U×'k. just changed the email address 'cause i was having trouble sending email from it (not receiving). the new email address is tshohan at earthlink dot net and you can get to it with the contact button. write me.r}UHey, peeps. Changed the description up top again. Had to make a blog post so I could publish it via Blogger to my website. Blog atcha l8r.r~T;Hey, peeps. Okay, maybe it was a *comparative* success anyway... the sound quality was dull and muddy and way overbalanced toward the bass, and to my sensitive ears it was an effort to make out. Part of it is that I was sitting farthest from the speakers, but that wasn't the whole thing. But it's okay. My dad wanted to make a first success in his project of preserving his father's talks today, on his late father's birthday, so much in the way of sound quality is forgiven. I think I'll go meditate for a bit now. I took that minor painkiller dose and I'll wait for it to take effect while I meditate to reduce the pain. Blog writing distracts me from it though, so that's something. Gonna beat this thing someday, someday soon. Then I'll have a real life to report to you, my dear readers/friends. Blog atcha l8r.rTJust watched "The Matrix" on DVD. It just arrived the other day, and I'd caught the last two thirds of it a few days ago on local TV and *boy* had I missed important info in the first part of the movie. Things made *sense* this time, hehe. I might go out soon and see the sequel with my sister and her boyfriend, *if* pain levels allow sometime soon. I'm bored right now, and in pain, and I can't take my painkiller until 8:30-9:00pm other than a minor dose that only dulls the edge of it. My dad just came in and announced the unveiling of his first successful CD, a recording of a talk his father gave about a Buddhist festival called Wesak, which happened yesterday. It's his (my late grandfather's) birthday today. So I must go listen to it. Blog atcha l8r, peeps.r€UpOkay, peeps, minor change to the subject blurb, so it's clear you can email me by clicking the "contact" button.rT-Okay, peeps. Got the "contact" button working. You can email me by clicking on it now. I've gotta learn HTML so I can add some stuff to this blog site. Fortunately I've got a couple of books on the subject to read. I have a pic of me I want to make available here so you can see how cute I am. :}r‚Tµ Hi, peeps. Just had a talk with my mother. We have a house guest right now, and she's loveable but sometimes seriously unthinking, unintentionally rude, and less than straightforward. My dad is often seriously annoyed with her, which is unfortunate because my dad is not in the best of health these days. I do my best to smooth things though, keeping myself calm and wise and supportive and helpful. I believe in wisdom, deeply. Wisdom does its best to make and keep us all happy. Tibetan Buddhism emphasizes the importance of a combination of wisdom (knowledge of reality) and skillful means (love, compassion, and all the appropriate modes of behavior to establish and maintain the best happiness possible). This appeals to me greatly, as does most of Tantric/Vajrayana Buddhism. I have several Tantric empowerments, and do a little Tantric meditative practice every day, and of course I'm going to this wonderful lama for help and direction. He's truly wonderful, and I *know* he's helping me, and I'm determined that he and I and the beings he knows will help me beat this pain problem and have a *life* again, *soon*. I'm determined. And when I'm really determined, things happen. It's time for me to have strong good health, good work, good play, active friendships, an active love life, and all that good stuff. I need all that, and my having it would make a lot of people I know really happy. And when all is well, also I won't be bitching here. I'll have loads of happy stuff to tell you all, my friends, and I'll be able to help you more and better too generally, because I won't be obsessed with my problems. And you know I love you and *will* help you all, my dear readers/friends, in every good way I can figure. We already have stuff in common, most centrally the natural and under the circumstances inevitable desire for perfect happiness free from suffering. I count that as a sufficient basis for some kind or other of friendship. Friendship is deeply important to me, and I feel awful about being even temporarily isolated from hangin' with my pals. If you think you might want to be my email penpal or something, just write me. iwnmutef at earthlink dot net. iwnmutef is the name of a form of the child Horus, and the name means "pillar of his mother." I feel a strong connection with Horus, as a deity and as a concept. He's the one who sets things right when they've gone wrong, and that's what I need and that's something I want to be. Tibetan Buddhism isn't my only religious connection, you see, though religion to me is subsidiary to the goal of all of our perfect happiness, and should never be considered otherwise. If religion doesn't serve that, it's false religion, and that's as simple as that. Religion is meant to serve us, rather than we religion. People lose sight of that kind of thing like all the time, and that bothers me greatly. Religion can be a great help, or it can be one of the worst hindrances to happiness. L8r, peeps.rƒT Hey, peeps. Painkillers are kicking in and I feel much better. And I took some of those incredibly blessed herbs and the blessed water my lama gave me and I feel this wave of love and devotion too. I'm gonna beat this pain problem, for everyone's happiness' sake. Including yours, dear reader, so you don't have to suffer my bitching about it forever. You're just gonna have to forgive me though, 'cause I'll probably be bitching about it until it's gone. But on to something even cheerier. It's a beautiful partly-sunny day here in Seattle, and I live in a house with a beautiful garden which is blooming in a lovely way. It's a pain not having a life, but there are much worse places not to have a life at, that's for sure. It's a great house too, and I have a sizable separate apartment in it so I can be as isolated or as connected with my parents as I feel like it at any given moment. And my parents are very supportive and wonderful. I just wish I were brave enough to come out to them. They're mostly not the problem here. They'd understand it just fine. I'm just a little cowardly about it, and I'm afraid that even though they'd still love me and support me and all they might be a little bit disappointed anyway. They're very good people. But they're not perfect yet. Nor am I. Oh well, that'll change. I'll be perfect someday, or otherwise I'll just have to be perfect anyway. Either way I'm determined to become perfect. Sure, I'm a bit of an idealist, but it works for me. And I recommend it to you, too, my friend. The world needs more idealists, good practical idealists. Hey, while you're here, let's idealize together! My email address is at the top of the page, and I want to communicate with my readers, and I'll post whatever seems suitable to the blog too, so we can all figure out together how to make each other happy. That's the point, after all, for us all to be happy. Which you'll hear me repeat quite a lot in this blog over time. Write me! I have plenty of time these days for email and the blog, and I'll be nice atcha if you're not mean and/or spam me. I don't like meanness. And I don't like spam. But I love people, even mean people and even spammers. It's bad patterns of behavior I dislike, not any living being per se. I mean, to be practical, we're all stuck in the same multiverse together forever anyway, and we all want to be happy and not to suffer, so we've all got to learn to make the best of it all and make each other happy. And in Tibetan Buddhism "love" is defined as the wish for someone to be happy. Personally, I use the word "love" to cover the Tibetan meaning and also compassion (the wish for someone not to suffer) and kindness generally, and more. Love, as I define it, is definitely a many-splendoured thing. So. Count on it that I love you, 'cause I love all living beings on general principles and in fact. And you can't possibly make me not love you, so don't even try. And because we're going to have actual perfection some day (I've vowed it, so that's decisive and definitive) you're going to come to love me if you don't already, so you might as well get a head start. Okay, I've run out of stuff to say for the moment, so just think about all this stuff and write me if you feel like it, and I'll blog atcha soon! Love, David.r„T; Good morning, dear reader my friend. Or at least pardon me because I'm going to pretend you're my friend. That's because I think we *all* should be friends, by nature if not in a formal sense necessarily. By which I mean we all should be looking out for everyone else's best interests at least, all the time. The world would be a much happier place if we all would just learn to do that. And it's a simple enough thing to do, in a way, too. Just develop that attitude, and the way that should work out in practice will just naturally fall into place gradually. So. What's new this morning? I'm waiting to take some very highly blessed herbs this morning, which were given to me by a Tibetan lama with whom I'm beginning to study. He's wonderful! He's very practical and a brilliant teacher. I only wish his English were slightly better, because it takes an effort to understand him sometimes, and I need his assistant to clarify points occasionally. He knows about my pain problem and is working toward healing it, and I really believe that he has the ability at *least* to help very greatly with it. I'm gonna *beat* this thing and have a *life* again. That also is a vow. In other news, I just learned yesterday that a childhood friend of mine is also gay. I'm arranging through a mutual friend to get in touch with him via email. Oh, he's taken, it's nothing like that. But I have very few gay friends, being so closeted and all, and I would *dearly* love to be back in touch with him and talk about stuff and hopefully develop a deep friendship with him. I've missed him a lot over the years. A lot. I should really come out some day. Oh, I'm already out to a few friends, but that's all. It's just that my life has in some respects been very lonely and unhappy here in the closet. And I deserve better than this, much better indeed. If nothing else, let this blog be an object lesson in the value of coming out of the closet whenever that's practical. Don't try the way I've handled this at home because you'll probably make yourself deeply unhappy, as I did. Get yourself together, David. Think of something more positive. I know! I'll go do my daily exercise (half an hour on a treadmill every day). That should lift my spirits. I'll be back, dear reader, hopefully with something more happy and useful to say. L8r, peeps.r…THi. My name's David and this is my first blog and first blog entry. Here you'll probably over time find out quite a bit about me and the way I think about various subjects. First off, I'm not giving away my full name straight off 'cause I want to be able to speak freely about *anything* at all without worrying who's going to read this and know who it is. It's not that my secrets are so deep and dark as all that, it's just that there are things I'll want to say here that I haven't told my family yet for instance, like the fact of my gayness. Plus, some of my ideas may sound a little weird at first hearing at times. Plus, I might have the occasional political commentary to give which might not delight the U.S. Attorney General for instance. And he's scary. (Damn it, that whole administration is scary.) Right now I'm living at home in Seattle with my parents with a chronic pain problem which mysteriously appeared and might mysteriously disappear any time. The docs don't know what it is. I'm stuck at home basically for the time being, which does cramp my style, but it'll give me plenty of time to blog atcha so it's not all bad, right? Right. And you can email me if you want to (iwnmutef at earthlink dot net). Just be nice, 'k? And don't spam me, 'cause if you do I'll... I'll... I dunno, delete it or something and feel faintly irritated. Random idea for you to toy with -- reality is composed only of sensation, order and change/energy. I'm trying to figure out whether there's anything I've ever known which can't be analyzed into those three components, outside merest imagination (which can be a subtle and even insidious habit, depending on what you're talking about), and I'm having a hard time of it. Your regular physical object? I only know it as changing sensation in space (space being an aspect of order) with an additional quality of number (another aspect of order). Everything else I imagine I know about the object is so far as I can tell purely imagination. But this is probably crazy, or at least I've forgotten something somewhere or something like that. But I can't help wondering if matter is only ordered energy yielding sensation upon measurement (and measurement merely a change in sensation-order order via energy/change, with measurement = mental engagement and mind = the set of mental engagements). But, see what my life has come to? I actually spend *time* thinking up junk like that. And it probably is junk, too. Pardon me, I'm slightly stir-crazy stuck here at home. So, what can come of blog writing anyway? I confess I've never even read one yet, though when I'm done here I'm gonna go check out a few for fun. I want my blog to be *purposeful*, to be *useful*, not merely self-centered bullshit, though there'll probably be a bunch of that along the way here knowing me. But have blogs changed lives? Have they brought Enlightenment? The promise of life-long friendship? or even, dare one hope, love? I could go for any of that, or a simple increase of happiness. That's what it's all for, you see. Happiness. *Everyone's* happiness. And happiness free of suffering worthy of the name at that. Oh, not necessarily bubbly overjoyous happiness, of course. Happiness comes in many forms. But it's all for our happiness, and it's our mutual happiness together that's what's worth striving for, you and me. People lose sight of that pretty easily, but think about it, okay? How can my blog make you and me happy together in this difficult world? Maybe we can help get each other's priorities right about stuff. With all of our happiness the goal, of course, not *only* yours and mine. Can't afford to have anyone left out, you see, or next time you or I might be left out in turn. I have this idea that maybe Nature somehow gets *trained* by us, to be like us, picking up our habit patterns as Her own. That Nature is cruel because *we* have been cruel, and kind because we have been kind, from the beginningless past. And that we need to try extra hard to be good, to make all of each other happy, so that eventually Nature as a whole will be like that for all of us, and we for Her. If only we *work* hard enough at it, together, and play at it of course too... and maybe play is even more to the point, at least in terms of the spirit of the thing... Couldn't that work? I mean, in the *very* long run? If not, what else? 'Cause something has to. I for one can't stand all the suffering people are forced to go through, including myself what with this mysterious chronic pain problem and all. So, I've made a vow. I've vowed that someday everyone, and I mean *everyone* everywhere in the whole of Nature/the universe/the multiverse/everything, is going to be perfectly happy and free from suffering. And I mean it terribly seriously, too. I don't know how I'm going to manage it if even the Fully Enlightened Beings haven't managed to do it, *yet* being a keyword here, but I will. I owe it to you people, and to myself. See, I've had some happiness in this life, so I know what that's like. And I like it. And I sure know suffering too, and I despise the stuff. I have most of this lifetime left to do my best for us all, and that means for you, my hoped-for friend, my dear reader. And I plan to live to 100 easy, even if this pain problem doesn't go away, heavens forfend, and spend it all for us, so that gives me a few score years right there to work with. Plus there's karma and reincarnation, both of which I'm personally convinced of, so that gives me quite a long time to work with really. Actually, I believe we've been around through an infinite past and will be around for an infinite future, so that gives me loads of time in a way. But the sooner we all make each other *really* happy, *perfectly* happy, the better, don'tcha think? I honestly, honestly, most honestly believe that it's possible, in the long run. Even inevitable, because that's what every living being wants, at least deep enough down, and some beings already seem to have achieved perfect happiness for themselves, and like microcosm like macrocosm, right? Right. Don't even *think* of arguing either, see, 'cause I've made up my mind, and when I *really* make up my mind things happen. So. I promise to make you perfectly happy forever if you don't manage it otherwise first. Just have patience. Totally healing the All is tricky business. But it can and will be done. That's a vow. And that's the start of a blog. Feedback to me if you like, if you're not cruel. If there's one thing I can't stand it's cruelty. Maybe we can be friends or something.r†TXhey, peeps. i'm working on a *really* big project and my confidence is growing a lot. it's all about making everyone truly happy, which is right along my lines. someday in the not distant future i long to have a boyfriend to help me in my work and my play and my life in general. i even envision myself marrying a boyfriend and sticking together for the *really* long haul. i mean, i intend to live a long time, plus there's no such thing as death of the self anyway! i'm very much an idealist, as you've probably gathered dear reader dear friend, and my boyfriend needs to be in harmony with my ideals and work. you see, i'm building a group, a very special group of dedicated and sworn friends, upholding the highest ideals and helping each other in every relevant way to be truly happy and to support the true happiness of all who live. i believe in noble, even holy, idealism. and i believe in you, dear reader dear friend. i don't believe in accidents or *mere* coincidences, and there's a reason for your reading my blog. you are *meant* to. and so i love you and welcome you and, well, l8rz...r‡T hey, peeps. you know what, my dear reader my friend? i love you. that might sound corny and/or weird and/or unrealistic, but really properly analyzed it's not. i love all living beings on general principles. and i recommend that as a good way to be. what does it mean that i love you, even not particularly knowing you well? it means that i recognize you as a precious living being, deserving of happiness and its causes and deserving to overcome suffering completely. it doesn't mean i know you personally and approve of your every characteristic. i don't have to to love you as i do. i wish you every happiness and no suffering at all. a word of advice: avoid malice like the plague. i've decided that malice is the root cause of every suffering. don't invest yourself in malice, even in subtle ways. and don't fear malice. by that i mean neither be afraid of (fear) malice nor obey (fear) malice. and by malice i mean the wish and/or intention that someone suffer, in whatever way in whatever degree, be that yourself or someone else. never punish yourself, cause that's a form of malice and you'll suffer for it. and *noone* deserves to suffer. dangerous people deserve to be quarantined so they don't harm people, but they don't deserve to be punished in the sense of being made to suffer. imagine what the world would be like without any malice at all! seriously, imagine it. think about it. invest your energy like that into making the world free from malice. even those *thoughts* actually help, i promise! thought power is a very real thing, and it has a greater effect upon oneself and others than most of us have been trained to imagine. use it well. use it joyfully to abandon malice in all of its forms. i *promise* you you'll be making good karma that way and *will* be rewarded. invest yourself well into the abandonment of malice and you'll be rewarded mightily. this is no exaggeration. the reward might take a while to reach you, but it *will* come. this is a total promise. we *can* eliminate malice, and we *will* eliminate malice. this is a vow of mine as well as a promise. so, dear reader dear friend, remember that i love you. and write to me if you need a friend, 'cause i vow that i'll be as good a friend to you as circumstances make practical. l8rz...rˆTÁ hey, peeps. just thought i'd tell you some things. reality is totally composed of living beings, whom i prefer to call "natures." nothing inanimate truly exists. matter is not inanimate, but rather is both the separation and the connection of individual natures. so long as their are individual natures, individual selves that is, and that's forever, there will be matter of some sort or other. i worship the One Whom i call the Living Good. i also call han Heaven, both as a place (or field of self/nature) and as a living Nature -- or rather, as a holy living Nature including its field of being and operation. eventually all the universe/multiverse/the all will be Heaven and we'll all be amazingly happy with each other forever. that's a vow and a promise. trust me on this one, 'cause Heaven has given me a glimpse of that great and possible good. above all, i want us all to be happy together forever. everyone wants happiness. everyone wants happy relationships. i vow and promise that we'll all have that, as soon as that can be arranged. don't be too skeptical about this, please, 'cause that will only delay entrance into Heaven. and by Heaven i don't mean only an after-death state, but a state and a Nature which intersects even with this Earth, even now. our right path in life is to do the will of Heaven as that is relevant to us individually. that means working for the happiness of ourselves and everyone around us, and it means doing that work skillfully and successfully as much as that can be. it means all of our learning *how* to make each other happy, and then of course doing it. our right path is the path of ideal holiness, but please drop any strange ideas about what holiness is. holiness is *not* being a fuddy-duddy stick-in-the-mud goodie-two-shoes, though it does mean being actually good. true holiness is *fun*, happy and the *coolest* way to be. truly holy people have a sense of *beauty*, of *fun*, of wit and *humor* and are the *coolest* people there could ever be. for the truly holy people, life is a great and holy *Art* as much as anything else, and is profoundly fun. if you're not having fun in your life, something in your life is *not* holy and needs to be purified away. just remember, my dear readers/friends, that i love you very much and wish very deeply to be friends with you. please feel free and totally invited to email me (click the "email david" link up near the top of the page), so long as you don't spam me. i don't appreciate spam. but i appreciate people very much, so please write me! i'm waiting for a friend from my youth to email me. he's turned out to be gay, which makes me happy. i love him very much, and have since i first met him, and really hope to renew and deepen our friendship. i miss him. i miss him a lot. i'm also waiting for his siblings to write me. i'm fond of them too. their aunt is passing on the news about me and giving them my email address. i hope dearly that they use it. l8rz...r‰T×hey, peeps. saw my lama yesterday. he's wonderful. he told me about psychic symptoms of mine which i had never told him at all! he's highly insightful and perceptive and brilliant. in other news, i've decided i will eventually (actually as soon as truly honestly practical) need a husband. i deserve one, a wonderful one. and i'll call him my husband, u.s. laws be damned! actually, the lama i've been seeing picked up on this need of mine without my telling him about it, and said that if it made a difference i have his permission especially if it's someone i know really well first. i love this lama. i'm not romantically in love with him, but i love him very deeply spiritually. he's a great help to me. l8rz...rŠT'bush is crazy. he's stupid and crazy. his whole administration is stupid and crazy. people with real intelligence (excluding bush himself here) can be *so* stupid sometimes. i'm politer than that when i write to him, for fear of john ashcroft who is one unholy terror, but the truth is the truth. and yet i really believe that every living being has something wholesome and good at the core, difficult though it be to see in some cases. in a way, i try to be forgiving. but on the other hand, in another way, forgiveness isn't necessary since people aren't really to blame. if they do evil it's because of ignorance and lack of control. i think that even in the worst cases a person always does his or her best, which is to say the best he or she knows to do under the circumstances, which is sometimes pretty awful but still the best the person knows. and "knows" is a keyword there. a person might have an idea for a better course of action than he or she acts upon, but somehow that's not connected in with the person's sure and certain *knowledge*, where the bad action he or she actually ends up doing is. in such case the bad action is somehow relatively comfortably within the person's known territory whereas the better alternative is fraught in the person's mind with uncertainty and fear. l8rz...r‹T³i don't know about you, but personally i'm in the habit of emailing "president" (unelected) bush and my senators and congressman. it makes me feel better. write to bush at urlLink president@whitehouse.gov . you can find the email addresses of your senators and congressperson at urlLink http://www.peaceday.org/govt_em.htm . it's easy, they must tabulate the responses, your senators and congressperson might possibly write back to you personally (bush never has to me) and if you have strong feelings about anything political it's practically your civic *duty* to write to them. not to pressure you or anything... except, well, yeah! i hereby pressure you to write to them. l8rz...rŒT8hey, peeps. let me try again. for a moment i suspected poltergeists, but now i think it's just that things in less-then and greater-than symbols are taken as html stuff, so let me say that you can email me as David at: ihy at gay dot com. *that* should work. let's find out! i luv you, my reader my friend.rUthey, peeps. i thought i put an email link in there last time. apparently i didn't. you can email me as "David ".rŽThey, peeps. if you want to contact me, you can e-mail me as "David ". i encourage this! i used to have an e-mail button that worked, but blogger changed stuff and i lost my old template, along with the button i added, so i'll have to add an e-mail link again. in the meantime, there's that e-mail address you may certainly use, with my encouragement and blessing. i love you, dear reader, dear friend. keep faith in true Love working in true Order to keep us in true Happiness, especially in the long haul.rTàhey, peeps. it's been a long time since i've posted to this blog. i've come out publicly since then, in may of last year. congratulate me! this isn't my main blog anymore, though i haven't posted there either in a long time either, until just a few minutes ago that is, but there it is. but i'll post here too. this blog will be mostly about my life as a gay guy per se, my coming out process (i'm out publicly, but i don't think word has gotten everywhere yet for instance), my search for a boyfriend, for a life partner / husband and all that great stuff! my chronic pain situation is gradually getting better, and i'm in better spirits about my situation and have more hope about my future. congratulate me! i'm searching, friend- and boyfriend-wise, basically on http://www.gay.com in the seattle and seattle north chat rooms, where my 'nym is ihy. you can look for me there! i've had some interesting chats on gay.com over the years. more l8r. cya, dear reader, dear friend.rTÒ With all the excitement over discovering this new way to pass time and purge unnecessary thoughts I forgot to share an important lesson I learned this past week. Simply put: Canadians have awesome powers. And I know this is known to those who travel abroad, as it's just good sense to pretend you're from Canada, but it also has wonderful uses right here in the US. So, I somehow ended up on this search committee for a new faculty member and one of the candidates is from Canada. She was boring and condescending, her theory was not nearly as revolutionary as she believed it to be, and her educational background didn't qualify her for the position. Despite all this she was the undergrad's candidate of choice, and all of them cited her Canadian background as the quality that set her apart from and above the other candidates. Sure one of them already has a deal to publish her dissertation and the other has actually been teaching at the school for 5 years. This one's from Canada (ok, the other major selling point was her stay in Thailand of unspecified length, an experience so horrific she sought refuge in grad school). In reflecting on her boring lecture about the useless theory she stole I realized something else: the two moments of levity and joy in the room were connected to her Canadian-ness. First the lady introducing her misspoke and told us all she was a specialist in Canadian bacon (she thought she'd said "banking", then she thought she'd said "baking"). Then about halfway through her talk she "accidentally" let out an "eh" at the end of the sentence. I believe it was these two incidents that overwhelmed the undergrads. Bringing me to a point, which I usually have. Try to be more Canadian. If the bitchy waitress from the bar the other night was Canadian I might not have hated her (I'm not immune to their powers). If this theory-stealing boring woman was not Canadian she wouldn't have this job locked-in. Heck, if she were Mexican we'd totally boot her ass back south seeing as she's about to take away one of our jobs. This brings me to a suggestion, which I always have. I think it might be a good idea to give Canadians darker skin. That way their whole economy will collapse and nobody will help them. With a collapsed economy they'll start spreading all over the place, pissing everyone off, and they'll lose this magical quality they currently possess. And they really are magical beings because it didn't work when we tried to blame a couple mad cows on Canadian farms. I'm also pretty sure there's a town in Wisconsin (Michigan?) that wants to join them and we can't be giving up territory like that. It's up to you, scientists. Prove your worth by taking out the Canadians. Before it's too late.r‘T¯ Could it be I've discovered something that will help me slaughter time, avoid doing anything constructive, and fill my need to ramble in random emails (formerly massmails (tm) which were retired about a year ago)? Neat! What would be good to rant about today... Today I defended Bush. I didn't want to do it, I don't feel good about having done it, but there it is- I defended Bush. There was a discussion about the intelligence surrounding 9/11 and I suggested that it would've happened no matter what because it was such an implausible scenario. So maybe he shouldn't get flak for it and we should just move forward with the process of learning from the mistake of allowing him to have power. Y'know, like we learned from Nixon. And Hitler. Really, what would the lesson be from this if there was an intelligence lapse? It would be that we should get hyper-vigilant every time anybody overheard anything that might be a threat, and we do that already (in theory- nothing rallies support like a good scare!) so it seems a bit...redundant to have more justification. I also think it's time to rant about the FCC, because nobody seems to get the irony of fighting a war in the name of freedom while encouraging censorship because of Janet Jackson's all-powerful nipple and I'm a little peeved. And I wish someone would enlighten me, cause I don't get it- how does the TV have such power? I would think the easiest way to not be offended is to turn the television off. Or you could, y'know, not own a tv set. I'd like to suggest that if people aren't smart or capable enough to regulate their own viewing (or regulate for their children, God forbid parents actually pay attention to the Ritalin-filled little monsters) then we should give up this whole democracy thing. See, that was sort of based on this notion that people weren't complete morons who needed the love and support of an authoritarian ruler chosen by God or, y'know, having killed the last authoritarian ruler. But that was before anyone knew how it would function and now that we have some evidence maybe we should revise the concept. Besides, you know that as long as people can get all the stuff they want they don't care what else is going on. Or maybe we can introduce some kind of limit factor so not everyone has a chance to vote. Like, we could setup fake voting where people think they're actually making a choice but the winner could be predetermined. Oh wait we have that. It's that electronic voting thing co-sponsored by friends of Bush, I believe. Whatever, I'm in grad school. Which means I don't have to come up with anything practical, I can just bullshit about the theories using big words (instantiate!) and complicated sentences. Here's a fun contradiction: Homegirl the professor raved about the beauty of nuanced arguments. She ended the class explaining why a nuanced argument was meaningless and therefore the concept it supported should be dismissed. I love contradictions! Back to the rant: So maybe we could just stop voting entirely. That money could be used to pay for something useful. Like universal healthcare. Or my student loans. Damn that killed lots of time. I'm pleased. Maybe I'll start using this thing.r’T Huh. It could be from lack of sleep, but I just slid into a comfortable, stress-free happy zone. The paper that's kicking my ass? The paper I haven't started? The job I've yet to find? Not so much a concern anymore, and I credit 5-7pm Wednesday. Nice moment 1- Weird moment in the park. I was wondering if I'd run into someone I knew and thinking how nice it was that I don't know very many people (since I was planning to study, or pretend to) so I wouldn't be interrupted. And up walk two people I know. Although one of them made a snide remark about this blog (apparently not knowing how much better it is that I expel a few of the thoughts from my head) it was one of those good random moments that make you wonder if you're a little psychic (I thought about them, there they were). And one of the two people spotted a famous guy, and it's always nice to see celebrities even if they are lead singers from really irritating bands. Odd, the first time I listened to an entire song by this band was at a bar with these same two people. Good times. Nice moment 2- The Prof. So after the random encounter I went to a scheduled one with a prof. I expected the meeting to be him explaining to me what I wasn't understanding about the class, since he suggested we "talk," but it was actually kinda nice. It's always fun to hear a professor talk trash about other students in the class, at least until you realize they'll do the same about you at some point in time. But the meeting went well, despite my brain's steadfast refusal to function, and the best part was he offered, to be my thesis advisor. About 20 minutes ago I realized how helpful that potentially is, since it means I don't have to worry about finding someone willing to do extra work for very little pay. I think my faith in NYU is fully restored. Even if it's bullshit, even if it never pans out, that's one person who's been helpful without prodding or extra financial incentives, and I'm beyond grateful. It's also encouraged my brain to start refining potential thesis topics, and damned if that isn't exactly what I needed my brain to start doing. And in a month, gods willing, I'll be in Spain. So thanks, 5-7pm Wednesday! And I think I should thank 6am Thursday, too, since that's when all the good things flowed together in my mind.r“TÜDreams... My prof and I were in a car driving around somewhere, my hometown but not, and we pulled into a parking space under a tree. Then he asked "did you see that" and we were backing up and I noticed he ran over a squirrel, but the squirrel was ok. And then it was in the car, and it jumped on me and got blood on my favorite shirt. And it was clinging to me and I couldn't get it off to put it out of the car. Then I had to wash my shirt to try and get the blood out, and my dad kept giving me advice how to do it but I told him I'd figure it out. And I rinsed the shirt and then washed it and my hands with dial handsoap. Then at the end of the dream I was waking up in bed in my old room at home cause my cat was rubbing against me. So I pet it and then got up, and I noticed our other cat was at the edge of my bed. So I pet that cat and my cat, and then there was a third cat that jumped up and rubbed against the other two. And I was surprised that the cats all got along because my cat hisses at the older cat. I think maybe he did in the dream but I'm not sure. And then it was weird because I was half-asleep, I think, dreaming/thinking of going online to search to see what the dream could've meant. And there's a site I have bookmarked for that, but it wasn't my computer so I had to search for it. And Yahoo! searches weren't the same, and I remembered that google wasn't providing Yahoo with searches anymore so I searched through google.com. Then the site wasn't up anymore, but there were 5 options. First was shutting it down and just chatting online with really, really close friends. Then there was discussing one-on-one- analyzing one person's dream. And there was taking the site down. What else...Oh. They could apply for a site of their own. And then there was something about taking donations to help the site...it was all weird. And I never remember dreams, when I'm able to sleep, so this is odd. As an odd thing it must be preserved, hence preservation.r”Tš It's early in the week but I'm finding several things a bit...obnoxious. First, what's with Bush's press conference interfering with "American Idol"? If he were going to, say, be honest, or answer questions that weren't pre-submitted by a select group of reporters then I might be interested in what he has to say. Well, in theory. In practice I would tune out because he makes me ill. Although I did love the comment at his last press conference: "The great thing about being president is that millions of people pray for me." That's not made up, y'all. It was a response to a hard-hitting question about Bush's religious faith and how it helps guide him (the media really should be embarrassed about that). But, dammit, I need to know what Quentin Tarantino is going to say if the singing on AI sucks. I need to see if that redheaded kid won't suck the energy out of the room. I want to hear Jennifer Hudson yell at me. In short, it's an important part of my week and for a man who has already fucked up my future to fuck this up is irritating. (umm...to be on the safe side: I love Bush. Bush is God. All who oppose Bush are evil.) Second, on the subject of the news media- if they don't stop revealing scandals now they're going to hand the election to Bush. People will get sick of hearing the bad news and it wil make it seem like he's getting attacked. Wait 'til August, reporters, to get over your guilt at being (mostly) ridiculously lazy for the past 3 years. Third, if a singer is American why should her cd not be released here first? Last night I stumbled onto a website where I watched Anastacia's new video. You probably don't know who she is because she doesn't sell well in the States, but if you do and you enjoy her then I love you. So the song was good. And more importantly it's stuck in my head, which means I should listen to it to help purge it. And that means ordering an import from some website and waiting a month, unless by chance I can find it at Tower in the village. But it shouldn't be a question of "if"; it should just be there. Heck, being an American in the Age of Bush should at least give me the advantage of having the damn cd I want available when I want it. What else is the "War on Terror" if not the "War to get Americans Stuff as Cheaply as Possible by Opening Markets in and Gaining the Labor of Muslim Countries"? Also, if you haven't heard Nellie McKay's album, "Get Away From Me" you should. It kicks ass. On the bright side for the first time in years I know where the Vice President is (China. And, coincidentally, a bunch of Chinese in Iraq were kidnapped a few days ago). Which means I have to find a new $5 question....r•T¯Dear President Bush, Why are you mad at Spain for pulling troops out of Iraq? It's not like they don't have shit of their own to deal with, what with EU expansion and the challenges to its constitution by Basque and Catalan nationalists. Plus they're still participating in your little War on Everybody- in Afghanistan. Remember Afghanistan? Probably not. They didn't elect you. Technically, nobody did. So fuck you for thinking you have the right to dictate or criticize the choices of the Spanish people. I try to rationalize your lies, to have fun with your obviously Hitlerian behavior (forcing countries to bow to his will was the start of something really messy- read a history book, ass). But this is my limit. I don't like you. I hope you lose the election, though I know you won't because you have several important media ploys up your sleeve (troops back from Iraq, finding Osama, dropping gas prices because of your deal with Saudi Arabia) that stupid people will believe makes you great. You're not. Sincerely, A disgruntled voter who, coincidentally, UPS-ed a ballot from Spain in order to participate in the 2000 elections. (Just in case- I love Bush. Bush is God.)r–T’It's almost 2am on a Saturday night. Or Sunday morning, if it works that way for you. And rather than sitting in a bar with a nice buzz, or drifting through a nice dream while curled up in bed I'm here. Awake. Willing my brain to come up with something profound and revelatory so that this paper I have to write is, well, profound and revelatory. And that's not happening, though with the amount of time I've spent on education I should have the profound flowing like wine. Or whatever the appropriate phrase would be. My paper and I even came to the conclusion that just finishing would be acceptable, and yet my brain still won't put out. Shameful.r—TSimple pleasures are nice. And simple. Which, I suppose, is why one would call them 'simple pleasures'. I recently discovered a shop that sells Fanta. And it's conveniently located next to the liquor store (hell, everything is conveniently located next to a liquor store around here), so I'm happily sipping on Vodka with Fanta orange. It's like a screwdriver in theory, with the practical assistance of a Vodka-redbull (which I used to love, but lately...not so much). Sugar and carbonation kick up the alcohol an extra notch, which is a faster path to happiness! And I'm listening to music through nice, new headphones, since the old ones were just...fading. They served me well, though, so I can't complain; only mourn their passing. Which means...I have Vodka and (good, in my opinion) Music. Because I'm in my room, I can bust out with some dancing. And that, good friends, is my personal formula for drunkenness: Vodka, Music, Dancing. And I'm a happy drunk, so I'm in quite a pleasant mood. I felt like sharing that.r˜T Again, I must protest that my American empire brings me nothing. And, again, it's a CD that I would like to own. So, again, I humbly request that we work on importing the music I'd like to own and listen to. It's only fair that we get the "exotic," is it not? I discovered this music because my parents kick ass and sent me to Spain for a week. Ah, Spain. I love you. I love "Pasapalabra," Magnum ice cream bars (Empire should bring that home, too), tinto verano...damn, I love everything. And the place I went- outside Malaga- had a chiringuito with my name on it, literally. Could there be a clearer sign from God that I ought to be there than to see my name all in blue neon with the word "Bar" in front of it? I think not. Nonetheless I'm back in New York. New York, where the cabbie almost killed me on the way back from the airport by nearly hitting (narrowly missing?) the median on the freeway. I think the damn city gave me allergies, too, since my first week back I was all sniffly upon exiting the house, which never happened before. But really, I'm not down with NY right now because it's where I'm obligated to be. I have to finish this stupid program, get my degree, and run away. To earn money and pay back my loans. And all that other stuff that connotes "adulthood" that I'm not totally enthused with at the moment. Oh- politics. I almost forgot the politics. Now there's a "credible" threat for a summer attack in the US. What bullshit. Bush is in trouble because our mercenaries (sorry..."Halliburton" and other "corporations" helping us fight wars) are beating the crap out of prisoners, and now there's suddenly a "credible" threat? Not to mention the uproar over gas prices, and the "American Idol" voting controversies (our priorities are amazing, are they not?- lest you think I think I'm better than you, I'm watching the AI finale right now, not that I like either of the finalists) and it's the PERFECT time for a "credible" threat as a distraction. Fuck that- I don't believe you, American government. Especially not you, Democrats. Y'all always go along with this shit (except Byrd, I wish more politicians were like him...but then, most have careers and futures to think about, and he...he's guarding a legacy)- Republicans almost overthrew Clinton for a blow-job and you've done jack with war for profit. Just in case- I love Bush, yay Bush. You're my hero and when I grow up I want to be you (only, y'know, I'll work the empire better than you have- which is your only flaw, don't get me wrong I love you).r™T· Lesson of the Week: Order one CD from Germany and get a shitload of spam. In German. Other Lesson of the Week: With legal defintions of torture in continual flux, it must be an awesome time to be a psychopath. Like a Renaissance of sorts, since you could come up with totally off-the-wall, evil stuff and it might not be degrading enough to actually count as evil stuff. Other Other Lesson of the Week: Even with serious political scandals involving outting CIA operatives and violating international treaties- scandals emerging during an election year, no less- the media choose to focus on Bill Clinton and his penis. Where did his penis really go? What happened when he told his wife what his penis did? It's all so important... maybe the NY Times ought to run a front-page review of his memoirs. Oh wait, they totally did even after apologizing for being weak-minded, lazy schmucks before the Iraq war. I guess our priorities are in order. Just not an order where we, like, put the critical issues at the top. And that's really my problem here. It's cool if we collectively decide that it's ok to torture; or that's it's ok to lie and manipulate language even though you promised to be an honest, plain-talkin' President (example: contacts between Iraq and al-Qaeda no longer mean actual contacts; just meetings). But we haven't made those decisions yet because we haven't really talked about them. We're still stuck on Clinton's penis. Also irritating: we spent a week flying a corpse from coast to coast, worshipping it as though a god had died. Let's get some perspective here. Reagan supported the Taliban because it was fighting the Soviets, and he supported Saddam Hussein because Iraq was battling Iran. He sure as hell didn't do anything to stop either of them when they were in their incipient, easier-to-defeat forms. So basically the major problems we're currently facing- the ones with armies and deaths and bombs, at any rate- were caused by a man we just spend millions of dollars to bury. I can't be the only one bothered by that. And I can't be the only one who wishes the media would have picked up on that. And I can't help but wonder if Bill Clinton and his penis will get the same treatment some day down the line. That'll be the ultimate test of American ideals, won't it? We can forgive/forget Iran-Contra, breaking unions, firing air traffic controllers. If we can't forgive/forget what Clinton and his penis did...that'd be sad.ršTðA month ago while I was in Spain I had the pleasure of discovering a German girl band named Vanilla Ninja. Now, after much waiting, I have their cd. And I'm in love. First off, the name of the group is "Vanilla Ninja." Which, seriously, is the most kick-ass name for a group I've heard of in a long, long time. Secondly, they play instruments. Guitars, drums- and they do it well. Third, they sound like they're straight out the 1980s. Sort of like The Go Gos, sort of like The Bangles, but sort of not. It's awesome. Ok, so there are a couple lame songs on the album but that's to be expected as all albums have at least one crappy track. But mostly they're fun and good. One could say they're good fun. Vanilla Ninja- try it out!r›TpDear President Bush, One of the most basic definitions of "sovereignty" is a monopoly on the legitimate use of force within a given territory. So, for example, Germany can't legitimately send troops to patrol Los Angeles, because Los Angeles is part of the United States, a sovereign country. Which is to say, when you argue that you've transferred "sovereignty" to Iraq even though American troops can still do whatever the fuck they want to, you're wrong. And it's not even like you were almost right about this. Just full-on, no-holds-barred wrong. Sad thing is, people might actually believe something meaningful has happened in Iraq and the war, officially over months ago, is no even more officially completed. Sincerely, An Irritated Citizen. PS- Just kidding! If you want to redefine "sovereignty" to mean, well, whatever exactly it means in Iraq, that's cool. You rock and I love you, so go right ahead. Plus, you've already brought freedom and democracy to Iraq by constructing and establishing a government that was not elected, so I guess the actual definition of words (democracy; sovereignty) is a moot point.rœUªThere's a fly in my room. I have no open windows or doors, and yet there's a fly in my room. On the 6th floor, which I would think is fairly high for a fly. Bizarre.rTsToday's a good day. I woke up and my friend left a text message wishing me a happy birthday. I check my voicemail, and my Grandma sang me "Happy Birthday" like she's done every year as far back as I can remember. Then, I go online to this message board I post at and people are wishing me a good day there, too. People I don't know in person, whose real names and identities are shrouded in mystery. I feel so loved! It's awesome! Also, they opened a smoothie place nearby as part of that evil thing called "gentrification." So I get to have a real smoothie for the first time in months. How much ass does that kick?ržT8Oh, politics! Why hast thou foresaken me? I've been thinking about this whole Bush vs. Kerry thing. See, once upon a time I thought I would always vote ideologically, finding the candidate who best represented my perspective on the world around me. But with this election...I guess I wasn't cynical enough to expect this particularly bad situation (what with the wars and homophobia and all), which is sad because I've always had a healthy cynical outlook. I could never vote for Bush. Ever. And I'm quickly losing respect for people who plan to do so, considering that many of them were morally outraged by Clinton's lies but seem ok with the ones told by Bush. I'm also confused as to why people are forgetting Bush's self-description as a "uniter" and his pledge to bring civility and class back to the White House. Which his people have totally done. I mean, Cheney telling a political opponent to "go fuck himself" is damn classy, as is Rumsfeld's obvious contempt for Congress. And Kerry...Kerry was in Vietnam, which I suppose I have to respect. I do respect it, but I don't get why it makes him better. Maybe this week at the Convention he'll lay out a clear plan, explaining why he'd be better at fighting the "War on Terror." And the war in Iraq. And Afghanistan. And I'd love to hear him explain why we shouldn't send troops to Sudan, seeing as those people are suffering at least as much as Iraqis did under Saddam (cause we fought there to bring freedom, right?). Kerry's wife scares me, too, since on that "60 Minutes" interview she explained switching parties as a response to Republican disrespect for one man. That implies that she's still ideologically Republican, which would be cool if she were a Laura Bush robotic/invisible kind of woman. But she's not, and I don't know what kind of crap she'll pimp as First Lady. Heck, I don't know what kind of crap her husband's going to pimp. Which leads me to a thought: let's ditch the whole President thing. The real power lies with the Cabinet, anyway, and the President just signs things. That's the impression I get from Bush, at any rate, who hasn't taken responsibility for a damn thing, unless it's positive. So let's directly elect Cabinet members. Yes, it would mean very messy elections, unless we stagger them correctly so as to minimize the number of concurrent campaigns while not creating non-stop elections. But the benefit would be that we could have a mixed government, which seems more democratic given the ideological split of the nation. It would also mean parties would have to more clearly explain their positions in very specific policy areas, and everything would be broken down into easily-digestible pieces for voters. In my fantasy world we'd even get a wider variety of perspectives expressed in government. We'd end this centrist bullshit currently spewed by the only two viable political parties because candidates would have to articulate something. They would have to have an actual idea instead of hovering around the middle position of nothing because gaining power would be predicated on differentiating yourself from other candidates by expressing an actual idea. You'd have to be for or against something, voters would have to make choices and set priorities...God, it'd be Heaven. Would it really? Would voting for cabinet members directly even create functional government? I don't care. All I want is to vote without invoking the "lesser of two evils" clause, or the even worse "Anybody But Bush" phrase. Is that so wrong? Eh. Random 3:30am thoughts. Gotta love 'em!rŸU6urlLink Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince ?!?r U>urlLink Katie Holmes knows how to make that detective sing!r¡UjurlLink Robert Downey, Jnr: An amazing actor, even if the Singing Detective film was all it could be!r¢U(urlLink Opens June 30th. Looks kewl.r£UourlLink A Page of Madness - Japanese Film, 1926. A special event at Revelation, Sat. 10th July 2004: 9pm.r¤U^urlLink Revelation - Perth International Film Festival - http://www.revelationfilmfest.org/r¥U9urlLink Touching the Void ... one hell of a docudrama!r¦U8urlLink Joss Whedon's first feature film is blogging!r§U9urlLink the fabulous duo, new batchannel, new battime!r¨U!urlLink a new look, a new teamr©U"urlLink An oldie, but a goodie.rªU9urlLink Drinksafe warning: you'll be burping for days.r«UGurlLink For Australians, releases July 29th. (In the US June 25th.)r¬U(urlLink http://www.fahrenheit911.com/r­UurlLink So animated ...r®UurlLink So fierce ...r¯UurlLink So cute...r°UurlLink Yeti Sports 5 ...r±U8urlLink Has Keira been watching too much Braveheart??r²U4urlLink 0.9 is so slick, so pretty, so STABLE! :)r³U%urlLink When photoshop goes wrong!r´U5urlLink Hermione ... bad boys always get punished!rµU3urlLink Firefly on DVD in Australia ... finally.r¶UurlLink Laserr·UurlLink Best 404 ever.r¸T I've been playing with the new urlLink Hello PhotoBlogging Tool which allows those of us using Blogger to post and host pictures (albeit within in fairly specific size parameters). Here's a quick test, capturing the storm-tossed Sunday I can see from my back window: urlLink Although urlLink Blogger still doesn't officially host files other than the text and templates of blogs, this new service has no obvious limits in terms of photos, so it's certainly a step toward Blogger freely hosting more than just text!r¹UurlLink 28 Days LaterrºU)urlLink Nietzsche: Sip on these ideas!r»U)urlLink The cover to LIMINA volume 10.r¼UurlLink dannybot?!?r½U#urlLink Will makes a new friend.r¾U"urlLink more than meets the eyer¿UhurlLink William Gibson, bridging the future, living the interstitial. Chronicle Photo by Sam Deaner.rÀUurlLink cray like a rupert?rÁUurlLink it's here!rÂUdurlLink ... with no Camelot, no affair, no Holy Grail, but with lots and lots of nasty Saxons! :PrÃUAurlLink The Invisible Woman ... perhaps Sarah Michelle Gellar?rÄUurlLink Think about it.rÅULurlLink A Page of Madess , so far ahead of its time! ( urlLink Details )rÆUSurlLink The world wide web told me so: urlLink http://www.johnhowardlies.com/ .rÇUfurlLink Movie posters are always edited, but this one seems to be urlLink raising a few eyebrows .rÈUlurlLink Topical: http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,10042844%255E12332,00.htmlrÉU}urlLink Sometimes, I wonder how serious things can be on the set of a moiton picture ... the FireFly filming looks fun!rÊU¶urlLink Jennifer Garner's new look for the Elektra film (spunoff from the very average DareDevil feature) looks very promising. More like the look from the Frank Miller comics...rËU7urlLink Spider-Man 2 - cool, complex and compelling!rÌU%urlLink urlLink Guess who's back?rÍUBurlLink Who said political satire couldn't have big explosions?rÎTSorry folks... Updating after a great break of 8 months. Latest Reading: The Alchemist (*****) Movie: Ek Din Choubis Ghante ( :( :( :( ) Song: The Blood and Tears - Steve Vai (***) No new painting. Good news: Great Khan is back. (Matin) Bad news: I am facing curfew.rÏU×Came across this fascinating post on Nasa. Space, machines, art and mathematics. All my passions meeting at one place. What else? Explore Copernica to find out more. Great idea by Martin Wattenberg and his team.rÐU